Episode 338 - Journey's End, Part 3

So! After an epic start to the finale, we reach the FINAL EPISODE. We're ending Lost Galaxy, you guys! I can't believe it! (Mark, since you've said you were looking forward to these recaps, I hope they live up to your expectations!)

Trakeena makes her way to the cocoon, and she has a flashback to her father telling her about it. She's going to turn herself into a bug! Her daddy will be so proud of her! The whole transformation sequence is HORRIFIC and there's green goo and it is DISGUSTING.

On the moon, Leo looks at his ruined jammer and tries to contact anyone, but everything is broken. He sees Trakeena's crashed ship and goes to investigate.

On the new world, Mike tells the Commander that everyone is accounted for (EXCEPT LEO). He's told to try and count the food and water supplies, and he worries about Leo, as do the rest of the Rangers.

Leo tracks the green goo to the ruins of Terra Venture where we get our first glimpse of the transformed Trakeena.  They must have had fun destroying this set. Trakeena uses her new powers to power up the city (which, considering the state of destruction, is REALLY IMPRESSIVE) and launch it into space.

Leo makes his way to the Command and he's like "WTF DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF, TRAKEENA?" and the two fight. She's all crashing the ship into the planet, and he fights her unmorphed and it is FABULOUS and then she throws him out a window and he manages to morph as he falls. EPIC FINALE IS EPIC, RIGHT?

She's got a bunch of awesome new powers and the fight is amazing. Somehow the feed of the fight is being fed to the commanders on the new world, and Mike lets the others know, and they get in the jammers to go after Leo and help him stop Trakeena before she crashes Terra Venture into them. Trakeena is just threatening to EAT LEO when the other Rangers show up.

The fight scene that follows is FABULOUS. Trakeena is beating the crap out of them. Everyone on the new world watches as Terra Venture slowly approaches. The Rangers try their weapons but have no luck. Their motorcycles don't work. They are losing BADLY. Even Leo's special motorcycle fails to do the trick, and Terra Venture is still crashing.

Finally Leo summons his battlizer of fug and grabs Trakeeena and pulls her into him as she struggles to escape and he shoots her at POINT BLANK RANGE even though the explosion should destroy them BOTH and FAVORITE TROPE, YOU GUYS. I LOVE THIS SO FREAKING MUCH I CAN'T EVEN.

So Trakeena is destroyed and everyone is flipping out about him sacrificing himself to save the colony, but somehow he managed to survive although his visor is totally destroyed. I'm not sure how it didn't force him to demorph, but WHATEVER, THAT SEQUENCE WAS AWESOME.

They still have the whole ship crashing into the colony problem though. And then the Megazord shows up out of nowhere and crashes it away from the colony, destroying a section of jungle and I'm super impressed that they managed to pull off an Enterprise D destruction sequence twice in three episodes.

Everyone thinks the Rangers are destroyed, but they and the fug zords show up and everyone cheers for them. (Leo, your helmet is STILL CRACKED.)

Maya is all "so the Zords want us to follow them" and the Rangers take off after them. Everyone takes off their helmets, and then we get to my big problem with this episode - we find out that they're on Miranoi. Maya narrates the beginning of the season again and rehashes the legend, etc.

Maya is all "quest is complete, putting the sword back in the stone now" and the rest of the Rangers follow. This SOMEHOW manages to return everyone on Miranoi to normal. Not really sure HOW. Not only that but somehow Kendrix comes back. Was she not dead in the first place? Was she trapped in the sword? Are we going to get an explanation? The important part is that Maya immediately runs over to her girlfriend and hugs her. How are they going to explain this to anyone?

And then there are fireworks somehow, courtesy of the fug zords. Sure.

So Maya, who has been portrayed as the jungle girl the whole season, and her native planet, has now been invaded by Earth. There are some REALLY unfortunate implications here.

Look. Here's the thing. The planet already had a civilization living on it. Terra Venture and the people from Earth? Invaders/colonialists/whatever you want to call it. They do not have a right to anything on the planet. And yes, they're stranded. But there's no mention at ALL of how the civilization is going to work out. And how did they fail to notice that half the planet is stone?

I just. Imperialism. Maya's people are probably screwed. But we're supposed to be all excited! They could have found a sister planet to Miranoi that was devoid of life and then returned to Miranoi at the end, and not ended up with Earth colonizing somewhere that ALREADY HAD A CIVILIZATION.

The whole thing just really leave a bad taste in my mouth and spoils what was otherwise an awesome finale. NOT COOL, SHOW.

Fish: 4. If it hadn't caused a rage blackout at the end it would have gotten a 2.

Episode 310 - Stolen Beauty

I have been incredibly cranky for almost a week now, so I actually requested this episode. Why? Because if I'm going to be annoyed with something, I might as well be annoyed with something that deserves it. In case you can't tell, I do not like this episode. I could do a whole feminism 101 post and talk about the representation of women in media, but I really don't feel like it and you can google it anyway. The point is, I have a lot of feelings about this episode and everything is symbolizes, and I really fucking hate stealing beauty plots as if that is the only thing important about (cis) women. I am also not going to rant about beauty standards and what it is that beauty actually means, and especially whether we're talking about western ideals of beauty and seriously, everything about this is bullshit.

Disclaimer: I am going to try and talk about these things to the best of my ability, but if I screw up and say something ridiculous or offensive, please let me know and I will do my best to fix it.

So. Episode.

We open with Trakeena pulling an evil Queen from Snow White, and the mirror tells her that she's the most beautiful, except for a lot of other girls from Terra Venture, so she immediately orders the monster to steal all the beauty from the women (almost all white, thin and "conventionally attractive") which... makes their skin yellow and purple and turns the beauty into sand? There is really only so many times that I can loudly scream BULLSHIT, right?

The monster goes after some more women, and the Rangers show up to fight him, and I'm honestly spending most of this time ranting angrily because FEELINGS and RAGE. Also, I'm explaining to QR that this isn't a stealing inner beauty thing, this is basically all about physical appearances.

Trakeena is all happy that all the beauty has been stolen, but decides she will go see for herself. She turns herself into another thin white woman, and apparently she's so hot that all the men (because everyone on the station is straight apparently) can't control themselves and lose track of everything but how hot she is and just follow her around and this is SUPER DISTURBING AND WRONG, AND SHOW, WHAT SORT OF MESSAGE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GIVING HERE.

Trakeena sees Mike and goes after him, and we see him in a bar which is apparently run by Bulk and the Professor. (Hey, they exist.) The two of them apparently got fired and now they're running a bar. Trakeena comes in and everyone immediately hits on her, and Mike appears to be the only one unaffected. Bulk gives Trakeena Mike's food, and she promptly puts a potion on it and returns it to him.

She flirts with him really badly, but he's also really bad at it. (Seriously, you live around here? On a space station? Worst ever.) He doesn't eat the burger because he's late to meet the others, but he invites her along. Back on Scorpius's ship, Scorpius is all excited about a cocoon that is being built for Trakeena.

Mike introduces Trakeena to the other rangers, and the boys are all immediately in love with her, but the girls are fine, because apparently there are no LGB people on Terra Venture. The boys are openly discussing how hot Trakeena is and the girls are clearly annoyed.

The monster shows back up, and starts to steal the beauty from the girls, but Trakeena is like "it's me, you idiot" so it only attacks Kendrix and Maya. Mike escorts Trakeena away, while the boys fight. Apparently losing their beauty has also made them unconscious.

Mike says he's escorting Trakeena home, but instead they go buy some drinks, and she spikes his.He drinks it and appears to pass out. The monster shows up and hands Trakeena the sand, but it turns out that Mike had switched the glasses when her back was turned, and the sand magically makes everyone white again.

FUCK THIS EPISODE. There are some serious unfortunate implications here, show. YOU ARE USUALLY BETTER ABOUT SUCH THINGS.

The Rangers all morph and fight. QR and I discuss how drunk we need to get to finish this episode. I'm seriously considering breaking out the vodka. And judging by the sentai footage, this was supposed to be an episode about Kendrix, so I can be cranky about how Kendrix should have had more to do as well. (So, in an episode about female beauty standards, all Kendrix and Maya have had to do are be annoyed with Trakeena and get knocked out. Whaaaaaaaaaaaat.) The fugly zords get summoned and they destroy the monster.

Later, Mike does a magic trick, and Damon is really impressed. Because it's all an illusion, like Trakeena's beauty, apparently. WAIT, IS THAT THE MORAL OF THIS STORY? And then the boys are horrified by the girls' beauty regimens.

Show. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE WORDS.

Trakeena doesn't want to get put into the cocoon because she doesn't want to be ugly. Instead, she runs away.

Fish: FIVE. I AM SO PISSED OFF. This is wrong on so many levels, and frankly, incredibly fucking disturbing, and I am going to have some vodka and strike this episode from my personal canon.

Episode 300 - Double Duty

Happy 300th episode! We come back to you after a long delay (real life once again rears its ugly head) and I wasn't able to recap until now. But now we are back, and we are recapping episode 300, which is about Kendrix!

.... Oh no, it's this episode.

Kendrix and Kai are sparring, and it is SUPER GREAT and she beats him. I love that they're training and they work on it. Kendrix is very proud that she beat him, and Kai is all "I have things to do today" and Kendrix is like "and you're tired of hitting the mat" which is also true. I love that he admits it.

So then we find out that Kendrix seems to have a(n evil) twin who is a movie star. Carolyn. She is all bitchy and self centered and blows off her responsibilities to go shopping. Um... quick question. Why is there a movie star on Terra Venture? I'm going to assume it's partially because of what missmollyetc said in the comments of an earlier recap, about wanting something familiar, but... really? I mean, yes, entertainment is necessary for a long trip, but you would think that a prima donna would not be on the list.

Scorpius is yelling at Furio again. Apparently they think the lights are hidden in a camera? Sure. That makes just as much sense as anything else.

Back on Terra Venture, they're doing photography of Carolyn, who is being incredibly whiny. Look, I can buy the movies being necessary, but photoshoots? This is really the best use of Terra Venture resources?

The Wise Wizard shows up to inspect the camera, but the Rangers show up, and Kendrix falls down and is shot in the leg or something. Carolyn fakes being injured so she can relax and have some time off. Carolyn's agent is all "hey, you can double for Carolyn until her ankle is better."

Kendrix agrees to help out, because it's not like she doesn't have other responsibilities on the ship, and as a Ranger, and also, she doesn't act. Carolyn continues to be a giant pain in the ass and whine and go shopping and bitch about fans.

Kendrix does a scene and ends up screwing up a lot of things. Which, as mentioned, she is not an actress. Why is Carolyn even willing to share the credit with her? I mean, is Carolyn going to give her co-star role in the movie? Nothing about this makes sense.

Kendrix's leg is still really bothering her, and Carolyn feels guilty, and she tells Kendrix to quit. Kendrix is all "Nope, I don't care that I'm injured, I'm going to do this because I promised." And like, while that is partially a moral I can get behind? If you are injured or sick you are allowed to rest. (Yes, yes, I am aware of the actress's real life health issues, which just make the moral of this episode even more ridiculous.)

They do take after take of Kendrix climbing up a hill, and nobody seems to notice that she's hurt. They are all morons. But Kendrix is determined and won't give up. So she very dramatically slow mo climbs up the hill, even though she is holding her leg in pain, and Carolyn is whispering for her to just quit. But she does the shot and everyone tells her she's wonderful, and Carolyn the bitchy actress is learning her lesson, or something.

Look, the moral of keeping a promise is important, but INJURING YOURSELF OVER THIS? REALLY? NO. When it is physically or emotionally damaging? Or hurting yourself or someone else? You don't keep that promise then.

So then a monster attacks, and Kendrix attacks it. Carolyn also comes to help and the two stand together. The rest of the Rangers finally show up to help, and Kendrix runs off to morph as well, even though she's still hurt.

The Rangers get trapped by kanji symbols and Kendrix comes running in. She totally gets to save the day, using her weapon to destroy its kanji, so she recovers and the others are freed. There's some more fighting, and Kendrix continues to take on the monster singlehandedly. Because she is GREAT. The five of them use some missile launcher things to destroy the monster, which promptly grows. They summon the fugly zords and blow up the monster by shooting a missile at it.

Back in their shared quarters, Kendrix is reading some lines, and they see Carolyn win some award. Carolyn dedicates the award to Kendrix, and really, if its for the movie that Kendrix did half the acting in, she should be GETTING the award.

Fish: 5, just because of the rage inducing moral. Hard work is good, keeping promises is good, hurting yourself to do so is NOT.

Fic we want: So, Kendrix likes to roleplay?

Episode 259- The Craterite Invasion

This whole recap is one big link to Star Trek. Just fair warning.

It's the Boy Who Cried Wolf episode! I wondered when we'd get one of those.

Patrick is a Tiny Child who tells tall tales. He lives in the only apartment complex in all of Angel Grove. This is making me RAAAGGGGGEEEEE. Because Patrick is black and all the white kids we see live in super nice houses. FAIL SHOW. We also never see nor hear mention of a father. FAIL AGAIN SHOW. And his mother clearly works long hours and he's a latchkey kid. FAIL HARDER SHOW, I DARE YOU.

On the MegaShip, the rangers are training! On the holodeck! I love that they train. Good for them, staying on top form! Unfortunately, there is a space wave that causes some major computer malfunctions. It even screws up the holodeck simudeck. The craterites they were training with are suddenly real and can leave the simudeck. They jump off the ship and parachute down to Earth. With big swirly white parachutes. The craterites are fabulously horribly PINK. And I HATE pink. Especially Pepto Pink, which is what these are. Gives me heartburn just watching.

Patrick sees them and hides under his blanket. In the morning his mother has made his lunch and must rush off to work, so neighbor lady will take him to school. At least we're getting to see a parent? She does seem like a good mom, which is two times as awesome as this show usually is.

Patrick gets himself ready and knocks on the door, but neighbor lady doesn't answer. Patrick looks in the window and sees a craterite family. He runs out and everywhere he goes he sees more craterites. He tries to go tell the police officer, who doesn't believe him, because Copper is a craterite too! Patrick is the only one who can see them for what they are apparently. Of course nobody believes him and Tiny Child has a Sad that could rival Andros.

Meanwhile the Professor and Bulk and Skull are trying to track down all the aliens. They are kind of failing. Cassie and Carlos aren't having much more luck even though THEY ARE SURROUNDED BY THEM. Cassie and Carlos try to find out what's wrong with Patrick and His Sad, so they walk him home. What happened to school? He asks if they'll come in, but they have stuff to do, and Carlos reassures him with the Power Rangers looking out for him. Patrick totally doesn't believe him. I DO NOT BLAME YOU, PATRICK.

Ashley finds a construction worker tied up in a van. She calls TJ and Andros and they figure out all the workers are craterites. They are holograms with personality! It's only then they figure out they've all taken human form. YOU THINK? THEY ARE HOLOGRAMS. THEY CAN TAKE ANY FORM THEY WANT. There is a fight and it is boring and we spend most of it talking about how this episode is just an excuse to link to ALL the Star Trek (did you know TOS, TNG, Voyager, and Enterprise are streaming on Netflix? You do now. Now go watch some).

The rangers figure out Patrick really was telling the truth and rushes to his aid. They get him out of the apartment only to be attacked by more craterites. Luckily his mother drives up in their minivan and ushers him inside to drive him to safety. And then, somehow, Andros and Cassie mysteriously end up in a forest. The others manage to save them with some spiral sword thingy. It's supposed to send the craterites back into their holodeck program, but it doesn't work. It just makes them turn into one really big craterite and they have to call the Astro MegaZord. DO NOT ASK. I DO NOT KNOW EITHER. They manage to take it apart like Santa does to Oogie Boogie. However, while Oogie Boogie is made of bugs, the craterites are made of FISH. Entirely of fish. It's the only explanation.

Back at the Surf Spot, Bulk and Skull use the SPACE ALIEN STRIPPER to turn the aliens back into humans. Except all it does is take off their clothes and leave them in their underwear. Everyone laughs. Oh show. SPACE ALIEN STRIPPER! SERIOUSLY SHOW! We want fic of this now... Zhane hires one. And then Andros hires one because it's tradition okay? AND THERE IS LOTS OF STRIPPING AND IT'S FUN.

3.5 fish. Because science doesn't work that way, Pepto Pink is gross, and... giant craterite what the hell???

Fic we want: Space. Alien. STRIPPER. 'Nough said.

Episode 258 - When Push Comes to Shove

JOHNNY YONG BOSCH HUGGED ME AND EVERYTHING IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

Oh right, recap. So.

Cassie, your HAIR.

I love that she scrapbooks. Or has a diary. Or whatever. It is very charming, I'll give her that.

Meanwhile, the professor is showing off his new fuel, with which he is going to send Bulk and Skull to find aliens. Look, for the millionth time, ALIENS ATTACK THE CITY EVERY WEEK. Meanwhile, some reporter is causing a panic about the fuel exploding, which of course the professor nearly knocks over, but then BULK SAVES THE WORLD. Astronema is then thinking about knocking over the building that the professor's lab is in. Astronema, bb, I love you, but why not just shoot Bulk so he drops the bottle? (Not that I want her to shoot Bulk! BULK IS AWESOME.)

Ashley and Cassie are discussing their dreams, when Cassie suddenly realizes that she lost her diary, (Ashley tells her to calm down) which contains a picture of her as the pink ranger (and then Ashley tells her IN THAT CASE, DON'T CALM DOWN), and this is where I have a RAGE BLACKOUT. She's bothered by two guys named George and Lenny (REALLY SHOW) who then blackmail Cassie into a date.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE.

Lenny does not look comfortable with this whole situation, but WORD OF ADVICE. IF YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH SOMEONE, BLACKMAILING THEM IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO DO IT.

George is really obsessed with talking about how great Lenny is. I am shipping George/Lenny a bit. George is monopolizing the date so Cassie makes him go get her a soda. Cassie is all "I WILL FIX LENNY" which is frankly stupid, because HE BLACKMAILED HER INTO GOING ON THIS DATE. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIX A BLACKMAILER. HE IS NOT JUST SOME CHARMING MISUNDERSTOOD AND MISGUIDED GUY. HE BLACKMAILED YOU WITH YOUR DIARY. THAT IS THE HEIGHT OF DOUCHEBAGGINESS.

This episode would be much improved if the "push came to shove" part was Cassie shoving them off a cliff.

Lenny promises to give Cassie her diary back at the end of the date. IF HE WANTED TO BE A DECENT PERSON THEN HE SHOULD GIVE HER THE DIARY BACK WITHOUT MAKING HER GO ON THE DATE AT ALL.

Anyway, the restaurant that they're eating in turns out to be the same building that the Professor's lab is in, so of course Astronema is knocking it over with some elephant monster. Lenny refuses to leave without Cassie, but then he gets knocked out by falling debris.

Carlos and Andros are flirting over chess when they get summoned to fight.

Somehow Cassie and Lenny get locked in with the radioactive plutonium reactor.

Andros summons the new toy to get them. Cassie is about to morph to get out of there, when the Rangers finally show up. The Rangers defeat the monster.

Lenny and George show up, and Lenny says he can speak for himself and offers Cassie back the diary, and Cassie says he shouldn't have taken it in the first place. He says then she wouldn't have gone out with him, and she says all he needed to do was ASK. NO CASSIE, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GO OUT WITH EVERYONE WHO ASKS YOU, AND YOU ESPECIALLY DO NOT NEED TO REWARD BAD BEHAVIOR WITH A DATE.

And then she makes Ashley go out with George.

NO. NO NO NO NO NO. YOU ARE A BAD FRIEND. Lenny may have learned not to be an asshat, but GEORGE HAS NOT, AND YOU DO NOT SET UP FRIENDS WITH ASSHOLES. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH BOY TROUBLES.

Fish: FIVE. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT.

Episode 247- The Ranger Rivalry

Let me start by saying I HATE this trope. I HATE the "two people fight over the affections of one poor soul" thing. People are not prizes to be won and should not be literally fought over. Let the person decide who s/he wants to date, and accept that it might not be either of you!

So Ashley is teaching a group of little girls hip hop dancing. She ensures all the tiny children have a ride home and then Lt. Stone asks her if she's going to the dance later. She doesn't have tickets, nor a date, and really she should just ask Carlos! He'd definitely say yes and it would be romantic and fun. But instead she spies New Kid and Lt. Stone tells him New Kid (apparently Bobby) does not have a date. He is apparently Mandy's older brother, and Mandy is in Ashley's dance class. She is very obvious in her flirting, offering to teach him to dance.

But OH NOES! Bobby knows Cassie. And introduces them (ahhahahah), and they point out they're best friends. Both think he's totally cute. He's really not (or at least he's not my type). In school, all the girls go nuts over Bobby. He approaches Ashley and asks her to teach him how to dance. Bobby asks if tomorrow is okay because he's hanging out with Cassie that afternoon. Ashley says it's a date but she's totally not happy about Cassie having time with Bobby. So she recruits TJ to go play catch with her at the park. Where Cassie and Bobby are.

Cassie is playing guitar and Ashley throws a ball at Bobby. TJ apologizes and asks if they want to play and the girls are really violent with each other. I HATE THIS EPISODE. LET THE POOR MAN CHOOSE FOR HIMSELF! Fighting with each other will solve NOTHING. It's up to HIM if he wants to date either of them, not up to who wins the fights. TJ smartly suspects something is up.

Bobby has car trouble and Ashley jumps to the rescue. Bobby is very impressed and Ashley is all touchy feely while Cassie tries to ask Bobby to the dance. Carlos and Justin are in trouble and Cassie actually asks to stay behind with Bobby! REALLY CASSIE?!?!?!? Your FRIENDS NEED you and you're going to abandon them for a boy??? WHAT THE HELL SHOW? Major props to TJ for telling her off (in the nicest way possible, because this is Power Rangers). Cassie fights but when she gets back to the parking lot, Bobby is gone.

He approaches Ashley in school the next day. He asks if Cassie is okay and ASHLEY THROWS HER UNDER THE BUS! WHAT THE HELL ASHLEY?!?!??! She tells Bobby that Cassie is flaky and runs off all the time. SHUT UP! I HATE THIS EPISODE WITH A FIERY PASSION. Another girl ends up inviting herself to the dance lesson. Ashley asks Mandy about Bobby, and Mandy says Bobby likes a girl but she can't remember who it is.

Ashley flails a bit in front of Bobby and calls it dancing. They flirt a lot and suddenly by the end he's a Super Awesome Dancer (only not really). Her communicator beeps and she has to run off while he practices. She rushes off to fight Divatox, but she's really cranky and bitchy about it. And there is an underwater Zord fight and then BS shows up to save the day.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM THIS EPISODE?!?! Worst. Episode. EVER.

Carlos, TJ, and Justin buy tickets to the dance. Bobby comes up to ask for their advice about a girl he likes. Carlos tells him it's scarier to think about asking than actually asking. Ashley and Cassie come in and Bobby says he's going to go ask who he likes to the dance. He heads towards a large group of the girls. Ashley goes all giggly and weird but he walks right past her. Cassie goes all slick and weird and Bobby walks right past her. He ends up asking Glenda The Other Girl to the dance. GOOD FOR YOU, BOBBY! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN BEING SOME GIRL'S TROPHY! Glenda will appreciate you for who you are, which Cassie and Ashley were apparently incapable of.

Cassie and Ashley apologize to each other and all is well.

The girls now need dates. TJ already has one. Carlos apparently does as well. Justin holds his hands out and says he'll take them both! And they agree. AWWWWWW.

5 fish. This was a HORRIBLE episode and I never ever EVER want to see it again.

Episode 217 - Alarmed and Dangerous

Everything about this episode is bad and wrong. BAD AND WRONG!

So it starts out with Kat, apparently student teaching (NOT POSSIBLE), handing out a test to Justin and a bunch of kids who are definitely NOT freshmen in high school. TSB feels this is summer school.

Two big guys try to get Justin to show them his test. He won't cheat. They get very loud and blatant about the desire to cheat and Ms. Applebee boots them AND Justin out of the classroom. Oh Ms. Applebee, we love you, but do not punish the kid for saying "No". They must wait in the hallway until the test is over. Bully-With-Bad-Hair gets fresh and uses Justin's shirt to slide him up the wall. Bully-With-Great-Teeth mocks.

And then there is a fire alarm! Clearly pulled by the bullies. The firemen give the "False alarms keep us from real fires!" lesson and this is really not the episode for that, show. This is supposed to be the bully episode. Do not confuse your Very Special Episode messages, mkay?

At the Youth Center, Adam and Tanya are training. Tommy is beating the shit out of a punching bag. TANYA ACTUALLY PAYS FOR SOMETHING! That's two episodes in a row! The fire alarm goes off and Lt. Stone lets everybody stay where they are so he can go check it out. Then another alarm goes off at the school. Ms. Applebee sends everybody home until they can figure out what's going on with the alarm. Meanwhile, the bullies muss Justin's hair a bit.

Fire alarms are going off around town. The rangers chase them down. Justin tries to talk to Kat about the bullies and says he might fight them. She says that's a bad idea. Then they discover it's Piranhatrons setting off the alarms and they rush to the Power Chamber to tell the others. Nobody knows what is going on until Demetria points out how confused they are which is exactly how Divatox wants them to feel. YOU THINK?

So they split up to find the detonator. Justin gets caught in the park by the bullies. Bully-With-Bad-Hair pushes him around and actually kind of hits him a little, and then Justin throws him against a table and climbs over him with his fist up. But he doesn't hit him. Instead he just says he doesn't want to fight and runs off. They chase! Bully-With-Great-Teeth points out that he's fast and they've lost him. Bully-With-Bad-Hair suggests they split up. Justin has climbed a tree and as soon as he's noticed by Bully-With-Bad-Hair, he slips and starts to fall. He teleports out and the branches fall, which the bullies poke up, but don't seem to care that THE KID JUST VANISHED IN FRONT OF THEM.

At the Power Chamber, Kat lectures Justin about using his powers for personal gain. Frankly, I think not killing himself falling out of a tree justifies the use of the powers. He mentions the bullies and instead of being HELPFUL, Kat tells him he's smart enough to figure it out on his own. THIS IS NOT HOW BULLIES WORK. ANYWAY.

They find the detonator on a fire truck. Instead of making things go explode-y, it turns the truck into a monster. Which the rangers ride downtown and let it destroy a couple buildings. Then they blow it up and the firemen are safe. I... don't get this part. Whatever.

HERE IS WHERE IT GETS REALLY REALLY BAD AND HORRIBLY HORRIBLY WRONG.
Justin comes across Bully-With-Bad-Hair in the hallway of the school. BWBH taunts him about running home to Mommy and Daddy, to which Justin replies that he doesn't live with his parents right now. Bully-With-Bad-Hair hasn't seen his father in 2 years. He's a bully because he doesn't have a dad? Really show, you went there? Not having a dad (or mom) does not a bully make. *grrr* (and let's not even get into how Bully-With-Great-Teeth just vanished from existence in this show... what's his story?)

AND THEN! And then they sit down all melancholy and Justin offers to tutor Bully-With-Bad-Hair so he doesn't have to cheat any longer. BWBH says he basically forgives Justin for narking on him, since Justin can't lie and apparently the bully wouldn't either. BWBH is amazed Justin would tutor him, and Justin says "what are friends for?" AND REALLY SHOW?!?!??! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE BESTEST FRIENDS FOREVER WITH THE GUY WHO JUST TRIED TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU SORT OF KIND OF HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. THIS IS NOT RIGHT, SHOW. NOT RIGHT AT ALL.

Here's the thing... I was bullied as a kid. Bad. Really bad. Like, permanent damage kind of bad. So I really feel for Justin this episode. But it was written HORRIBLY. It does not have the best moral ending. It does not actually DEAL with the bullying and instead merely brushes the LET ME KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU BECAUSE I'M BIGGER HAR HAR HAR aside. I do not like this, not one tiny little bit.

5 fish. It just... made no sense. AND IS ALL THE BAD AND WRONG.

Episode 216 - Weight and See

TRIGGER WARNING FOR DISORDERED EATING

You guys, this is like the most frustrating run of episodes ever. Two rage inducing ones in a row. And this one, frankly, is seriously triggering and also not the episode you want to be watching right after eating probably too much pizza.

Last time we had an episode about food, it was about how if you eat junk food you are a bad person. This time we get Kat's brief brush with anorexia. And frankly, it does some things really well and some things REALLY BADLY.

So, Kat is auditioning for a ballet. Hey, continuity! I am impressed. They're doing The Nutcracker (I guess because they thought it was the only ballet that kids would know?) and Kat desperately wants to be Clara. Random bitchy girl makes some sarcastic comments to Kat about how Kat is a little too big for the part, and she should be in better shape. Random bitchy girl expects to get the part, but instead Kat impressed the director with her fresh take on the role and is cast as Clara. Random bitchy girl continues to bring up Kat's weight.

At the beach, Adam and Justin are planting tide markers. Adam gets distracted by a hot girl in a yellow bikini. (This is the part where I started all capsing at queenriley about how he's dating Tanya and he's being... well, a teenage boy.) Justin gets distracted by a younger girl in a bathing suit. Hey, if we're doing the "it isn't how you look on the outside" episode, could we get an objectification is bad moral? No? Also, Adam is totally grossed out by the fact that Justin is noticing girls.

Then they get attacked by Piranhatrons and we get an unmorphed fight. Yay! (Adam, your HAIR.)

Back at the Youth Center, Kat has apparently decided she isn't going to eat until after the show. We don't know how long it is until they perform the ballet. Tanya and Tommy try to encourage her to eat but she refuses and leaves. Tommy and Tanya follow her and Tommy actually pays for something. The world is ending.

Apparently Divatox's big plan is that she's going to turn Angel Grove into Atlantis. It's a shame Billy isn't there, because otherwise I would totally make a joke about my ridiculous DC comics crossover OTP of Billy/Garth (which BFF harmonyangel and I once mentioned to comics artist Steve Lieber. Look, Heroescon last year was awesome.)

So. Kat runs into the monster which makes her lighter? I feel that the show is not understanding how anorexia works. I guess they were trying to go for the she's getting so thin she's floating away idea? (And like, she skipped one meal.) But it would have made more sense if they'd made her think she weighed more than she did.

The Rangers all go to the Power Chamber (Kat is still floating) and everyone goes to fight the monster except for Kat. (The monster is like, a weird looking version of the Count) Everyone but Justin is made to feel like they weigh a ton, and Justin gets to float. Dimitria gives Kat some inspirational phrases that she pretends are questions, and Kat realizes that it's really about how she is on the inside, not on the outside, and she's miraculously broken free of the floating spell and I...

Look. I have friends and family who have struggled with eating disorders. Neither of us really wanted to be the one to recap this episode, but all I'm going to say is that this cannot be fixed by a simple inspirational speech. It just doesn't work like that. I'd like to applaud the show for *trying* but...

Anyway, let us instead talk about the AWESOME part. Kat beats up the monster by herself and it is amazing.

Then the monster grows and hits the Zord with a duck. (Well, a duck shaped blast, but I like the idea of the Zord being hit by a duck better.) Then the Rangers blow it up.

Sometime later, Kat is performing the ballet. She is awesome. Random bitchy girl is a rat. I'd have thought she'd have gotten Sugar Plum Fairy or something.

Fish: FIVE. ALSO, RAGE INDUCING.

Episode 202 - Ranger of Two Worlds - Part 2

I was already cranky before this episode started, and now I'm EXTRA cranky. And unlike Queenriley, I didn't even have anything to drink to dull the pain.

WHATEVER.

Look, this episode should be awesome. It's our first teamup! You know what my feelings about teamups are? Pretty much that they are the BEST THINGS EVER. And it isn't even that I have an objection to the old!Billy plot. I don't even really have an objection to him moving to Aquitar. It is the execution of this combined with the poor acting on the part of fake!old!Billy and the poor dubbing that PISSES ME OFF. Well, that and the behind the scenes thing, but we've ranted about that before and I'm going to try not to curse a lot.

So, the episode begins with the Zeo Megazord under evil control with Billy stuck inside it. The other Rangers realize that hey, they have another Zord, so they take off after it, in what should be a great Megazord vs Megazord fight. Of course, they promptly lose control of their Zord to the ugly purse monster (because Finster is the best), while Cestro hits a control panel a few times which allows them to teleport Billy out.

Bulk and Skull are taking their detective license test (completely unsupervised) and a monster attack starts. They assume that this is part of the test and just keep working. Oh boys. They are... not very smart.

The Rangers decide to summon Auric, who attempts to convince the monsters that they are behaving badly. Seriously, he asks them if their behavior is really fair to the citizens of Angel Grove. How great is that? Kat's plan to take control of the Megazords again works, but wasn't much of a plan. They just... jump in, and also take advantage of the fact that Ugly Purse Monster is stupid.

Meanwhile, Delphine suggests that they use the Fountain of Youth Water from Aquitar and summon Cestria to bring it, and we're busy all capsing NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO for a while, and also we're distracted by old!fake!Billy's weird folksy southern accent. Also, Cestria's outfit is the fugliest thing I've ever seen on this show. So Billy leaves with Cestria to get more treatment, and he doesn't even say goodbye and there is some SERIOUS RAGE.

While we're busy protesting Billy's departure, we get our first real teamup. THIS SHOULD BE AWESOME. 11 Rangers fighting together? WHY IS THIS EPISODE NOT GREAT? The Aquitians are just awesome and I love Delphine and just... why are they in such a shitty episode? Anyway, while the Aquitians + Jason handle the Cogs, the other Rangers calls their Zords to fight the monster, which includes such things as Kat and Tanya's zords doing the care bears stare. Then the monsters combine into one monster, and the Zeo Rangers summon their Zords and are all "yeah, we're done playing around" so they just pretty much bring out all the toys and smash the monsters to bits.

Bulk and Skull discover that a) they passed the test and b) they only passed because the examiners were impressed that they finished the test during a monster attack and promptly pass out into their ice cream.

AND THEN IT HAPPENS. We honestly debated just pasting our chat, but it's just a giant string of profanity interlaced with "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" so that's pretty pointless.

Cestria and Billy call and it is SO BADLY DUBBED and the words don't match the mouth at all and it doesn't even SOUND like Billy and DISTRACTED BY RAGE and basically for some reason Billy is staying behind to marry Cestria OR WHATEVER. Personally, I choose to believe one of the following possibilities.
1-The anti-aging thing actually worked too well and Billy is about to be 10 again and doesn't want everyone to feel guilty. (THIS IS BACKED UP BY HIM "BEING SPEECHLESS" AND VANISHING FROM THE SCREEN)
2-Billy is actually going to be busy creating the Turbo and/or Phantom powers and/or has been offered the opportunity to be a Grid Master.
3-BILLY CRANSTON, INTERGALACTIC SUPER SPY. Someone write me this immediately.
4-He's actually headed back to Earth to join Torchwood with Trini and Zack.

Fish: FIVE. ALL THE FISH.

Covered in food: REALLY, BULK AND SKULL? REALLY?

Fic we want: There are four possibilities up there! *points*

Episode 201- Rangers of Two Worlds Part 1

Today on Power Rangers:


Yes, it's THOSE episodes. The ones for which we created our fish scale. Please note this recap required two beers and I'm about to go start my third. I can't take these episodes otherwise. *SOB*

We start out with Bulk and Skull studying to take their detective exams. Aw, boys. They keep getting distracted, though, because Kat is distraught that she's crap at making fashion accessories. She made a purse. A really ugly purse. Tanya tries to make her feel better and Adam tells her it's the first thing he's ever known her to be not perfect at. Oh show. At least you realize what you did to her character. Jason rushes in to grab them all fast. There is an emergency at the Power Chamber.

Billy is aging. Rapidly. THIS IS NOT BILLY. THIS IS FAKE!BILLY. There is exposition where we learn there were consequences to aging him up during the time they were all turned into kids. At least they sort of half-assed TRIED to make this part make sense? This part, anyway. So nobody can think of anything, except Adam and Rocky are off in the corner being all suspicious. They have contacted the Aquitian Rangers. They are on their way.

Cestro and Delphine show up and immediately asses the situation. They can totes fix this, you guys. EXCEPT THEY CAN'T. THEIR DEVICE FAILS (and totally destroys the teleportation system in the process). BILLY IS SMARTER THAN THE AQUITIANS. At least his first device didn't blow up. THEY FAIL. Billy is still rapidly aging.

Meanwhile, Finster has recreated Rita's staff and made some cool improvements. She tries to point it at Kat to make her evil again (good plan, except it totally failed last time you tried it). Instead, she zaps Kat's god awful purse instead, turning it into a monster. It's as if Kirby and Oogie Boogie had an evil, malformed love child.

Mondo, upon regaining his throne from his Wayward Son Gasket, shan't be outdone by Rita and Zedd. He has his own monster. It turns cogs into... things. He plants an evil cog device inside the Megazord and ends up controlling it.

The rangers fight the monsters. They kind of fail. Mondo teleports Evil Deformed Kirby Jr. away and the rangers retreat. Billy detects something malfunctioning in the zord and so he goes in to check it out. It takes off with him inside and he can't get out.

To be continued. Unfortunately.

5 fish. All the fish in the LAND came together for this episode. And they brought their Aquitian Fish buddies, too.

Episode 192 - The Lore of Auric

Warning, rage blackout ahead.

SO, we open in a poorly disguised Indiana Jones movie, with two people running from machines, where they end up in a cave, and basically go about proving themselves to be the worst archaeologists since Indiana Jones and Lara Croft. They also scream a lot.

However, they manage to find the lost tiki or Auric, which looks suspiciously like Magneto and after they pull it off the stand with a whip, Louie Kaboom comes and takes it from them, leaving them to die in the temple death traps.

Meanwhile, at the beach club, Kat brings Tanya a package that was delivered to their house. It's from Aisha! AISHA. You know what this show is missing? AISHA. Seriously, she just needs to come back and fix everyone's problems. Also enclosed in the package is a GIANT KEY and a map that apparently leads to Mysterio Island where Tanya's parents vanished from years ago. Apparently she's thought they were dead this whole time? Really? But now she knows they might be alive and she can maybe find them and this island that can't be found.

Tanya goes to ask Zordon if he can teleport her there, and he's all "no powers for personal gain" except decides to make an exception so she can go. Then out of NOWHERE Jason is all "Hey Tanya, why don't you trust me with the key?" and pouts and she looks totally confused as to why he thinks she isn't going to need the key, but for some reason she hands it over to him.

WHAT. JUST WHAT. Jason had NO RIGHT to ask her for that key. It has NOTHING to do with him. And of course he is promptly going to LOSE IT and SERIOUSLY HE IS THE WORST FRIEND EVER. Why would you go parade the key around? If they needed to put it in a safe place, WHY NOT THE POWER CHAMBER? Tanya has known Jason for ALL OF THREE EPISODES and this is STUPID.

Louie Kaboom uses the key to wake up Auric the Conqueror, who apparently only helps good people, so he refuses to help Louie. (Why he has Conqueror in his name, we don't know.) Sprocket is way smarter, and instead tells him that the Rangers are evil and he needs Auric's help to stop them from conquering, and Auric calls Sprocket a little metal boy and agrees. Sprocket is a pretty good manipulator.

Jason summons Pyramidas and goes to try and reason with Auric, and he fails at it. Rocky is wearing a really preppy shirt, which is frankly more interesting because I am still mad at Jason. Since Jason fails, they have to call Tanya back and prevent her from finding her parents at this point. Tanya is actually really cool about it and doesn't punch out Jason, which is way more than I would do, but they summon the Zords and say Zordon's name, and Auric realizes that they're the good guys. Because Zordon is totally famous.

Bulk and Skull lose another of Detective Stone's cars. Stone should really stop entrusting the cars to them.

For some reason, Tanya GIVES JASON THE KEY. NO. THAT IS STUPID. She goes on and says that she can't think of anyone she would trust more. I CAN NAME FIVE OR SIX OTHER PEOPLE. I'm seriously angry about this - Jason had no right to ask her for it in the first place.

She goes back and finds her parents who are about to be burned alive, but she turns the switch and saves her parents, and they ask who she is, and she says her name and there's a tearful reunion.

Fish: FIVE. JASON, YOU FAIL.

Fic we want: Seriously, Auric is totally Magneto. Make it happen.

Episode 153 - Sowing the Seeds of Evil

How did I get the Tommy episode? Whatever, we're still in stereotype land.

The plot.

IN ANGEL GROVE: Billy builds Cestro a shower. Tengas show up and destroy the shower. Billy fights unmorphed and is really pretty. Cestro tells Billy about the Hydro Hog, the Emperor of the Dark Water. Zedd and Rita decide to bring the Hydro Hog to Earth. Billy creates a shield to block them from doing so, stealing Rita and Zedd's plan from 2 episodes ago. Nothing else happens.

QUESTIONS: Why did they build the shower in the middle of Angel Grove instead of somewhere in safety? Wouldn't the Hydro Hog get weakened by Earth as well? Why wasn't there a Zord fight this episode? Is Hydro Hog responsible for there never being an ending to Pirates of Dark Water?

IN STEREOTYPE AUSTRALIA: Baby!Kat is all excited to be home. She meets teenage!Kat who pretends to be confused to see her. She tells Baby!Kat that she knows where the crystal is, and that she will take her to it. They run into Old!Kat who asks Baby!Kat for help getting home. Teen!Kat tells Baby!Kat that if she leaves, she will never get the crystal. Baby!Kat goes and helps Old!Kat anyway. Teen!Kat and her car vanish in a lot of pink. Old!Kat gives Baby!Kat the crystal and tells her that all those who sacrifice their needs to help others will be rewarded. This is a lie.

QUESTIONS: Everyone else is meeting their ancestors. How is Baby!Kat meeting two versions of herself? Why is Old!Kat lying like that? Why is Baby!Kat's quest so much easier than Rocky's?

IN STEREOTYPE NATIVE AMERICANS: There are teepees. Tommy asks a woman to find a big rock, and she points to a hawk. Tommy follows the hawk and meets True of Heart, who tells him he needs to get in touch with his roots and the true Tommy inside. Tommy starts seeing things as nature speaks to him and points him in the right direction. There's apparently a legend about him. (OF COURSE THERE IS.) Tommy tries to commune with nature which causes an earthquake and the two fake crystals to explode. Oh, and True of Heart gives him half an arrowhead. It's foreshadowing time!

QUESTIONS: WHAT THE FUCK. JUST. WHAT THE FUCK. (Also, so Tommy is responsible for all the earthquakes in Angel Grove? HAHAHAA.)

BACK IN ANGEL GROVE: Everyone worries about Aisha because somehow time is running out. Baby!Kat accent fails.

QUESTIONS: TIME TRAVEL DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

Fish: 4.5. RAAAAAAAAAAAAGE.

Episode 151 - Water You Thinking?

Hey - there's still time to sign up for the holiday fic exchange!

Anyway. This episode. It is RAGE INDUCING. Look, I love the Alien Rangers, but I freaking HATE the Zeo Quest. Why? Because it is all "Let us hit EVERY SINGLE STEREOTYPE we can think of!"

Also, the fish showed up in this episode as an actual plot point. You know this is going to be bad.

So, the episode begins with the baby!Rangers preparing to go on their quests. Aisha is snarky, Adam is worried, and Rocky is confused and has bad hair. It is like, everything I love in the world. The Aquitian Rangers give the baby!Rangers advice on their quests, and they're told to look to their heritage, and there's some nonsense about time travel and ending up in different eras, etc. As soon as they all jump through the hole, Cestro nearly passes out again from lack of hydration. Apparently, finding a pure water source is really hard. Whatever. So they decide to go to the Aquarium and ask the fish. NO, REALLY.

Zedd isn't going to try to use a weak monster, he's going to call in an old friend. Also, he's going to put up a forcefield around the Earth to prevent the Aquitian Rangers from calling their battle borgs. Except, you know, don't they also have the Shogun Zords?

Rocky lands in stereotype!Mexico. I proceed to have a rage blackout over his entire "plot" so I'm going to put it here. Rocky speaks no Spanish, but it's okay, because the random kid he runs into speaks perfect English (his English is way better than his Spanish was) but he also speaks Gratuitous Spanish! Because, you know, he can carry on a (relatively) complex conversation about a crystal in a volcano and a legend, but he doesn't know the word YES. So the kid takes Rocky to the volcano, and Rocky climbs into the (pink) volcano, and pulls out the crystal, and the whole village was waiting for him when he gets out! Because it turns out that the crystal was destabilizing the volcano, and Rocky pulling it out saved the village. But everyone else was too scared to do anything. Oh, and the random kid is Rocky's grandfather. And then Rocky teleports out in a blue triangle. LET US NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN.

Back in Angel Grove, Bulk and Skull are in detention. They have on Alien Rangers buttons, and Skull wants to know who would win in a fight - Darth Vader or the Alien Rangers. Bulk tells him he's stupid, because the Alien Rangers are real, and Darth Vader is not. (He should have asked about Batman instead. Batman exists in their universe!) Then Skull asks about Klingons. And then Dracula. I demand to know the answers to all of these questions. (I bet his next question was about Daleks.) Also, baby!Skull is such a geek, I love him. The boys then claim that they're going to do their science project on fish in honor of the Aquitian Rangers, and I start laughing.

At the Aquarium, Cestro communicates telepathically with a fish, which tells him to go to a quarry to find water. I think the fish are working for Zedd. The rest of the Aquitians stand around and are confused as Bulk and Skull ask to be beamed up to their space ship. So, Cestro gets ambushed and the others show up to help, and as predicted, they can't summon their Battle Borgs, so instead there's the Shogun Zord. The end.

Under the Command Center, Goldar and Rito are still trying to locate the Command Center. They separate, and Goldar leaves a trail of popcorn. Rito eats it. There are hijinks.

Fish: FIVE. ALL THE FISH IN THE WORLD.

Fic we want: AQUITIAN RANGERS VS EVERYONE.

Questions that need to be answered:
1-How are they explaining the disappearance of the baby!Rangers?
2-Where the hell is Billy living?
3-If there's time travel involved, why don't the Rangers reappear at the exact time they left?
4-How are they explaining Billy's friendship with the Aquitians? Is he their bodyguard or something?
5-How do the Aquitians speak Earth!Fish as well as Aquitian!Fish?
6-The only reason Doctor Who wasn't listed in the geeky things is because Skull is secretly The Doctor, Right?

Fic we want: AQUITIAN RANGERS VS DRACULA

Episode 137- Rita's Pita

Warning: Possible eating triggers

OMG show. I hate this episode. I really really hate this episode. And now, starting out this recap, I wonder how many times I'll have to rewrite this due to capslock incoherency.

So we start this episode with Tommy sparring with an Inappropriately Young Friend. They finish up and Ernie asks what they want to eat. Tommy orders a veggie pita and a fruit smoothie while IYF orders a double cheeseburger, fries, and a milkshake. That's a lot of food for a kid but hey, if he's paying for it, more power to him.

Tommy decides to turn this into a Very Special Episode and chastises the IYF for choosing unhealthy food for this one, singular meal. Apparently your body is a temple and ought to be treated as such by only ever eating the healthiest possible food at all times and never ever splurging on something unhealthy, not once, not ever. Because eating junk food makes you a Bad Person unworthy of being a role model. So IYF immediately sees the light of day and orders a veggie pita and fruit smoothie too. *eyeroll*

Meanwhile, Rita and Zedd are doing a better job of watching the rangers than Zordon ever has, and they decide to destroy Tommy by sending down a shrunken monster for him to accidentally eat. The monster will make him eat uncontrollably. It's like Innerspace: the tapeworm sequel!

So the monster goes down and climbs into Tommy's veggie pita. Though I don't think you can really call it that. It's two pieces of pita used as sandwich bread around a few pieces of lettuce. That's... not actually that healthy. So much for the "lesson" of this Very Special Episode.

During this time, Kat, after leaving Adam and Billy who apparently has a crush on her, overhears Rita and Zedd's conversation. How, we don't know. Remnant of the spell apparently. At least that's the convenient plot point of it this particular episode. She rushes to the Youth Center to tell the others what she's overheard, but alas, she's surrounded by some Tenga warriors. She calls her ninja powers for the first time and spends most of the fight being very excited she can morph and harness the pink power and all that jazz. It gets kind of annoying after awhile. Or maybe that's just THIS STUPID EPISODE ITSELF.

Anyway, the monster takes hold of Tommy's stomach and he immediately must eat a bunch of junk food. He takes a platter of sandwiches, chips. twinkies, and cookies away from Bulk and Skull and starts downing it as if he hasn't eaten in weeks. The way he's eating is disturbing. But nobody seems to care about the fact that he's shoveling entire twinkies into his mouth and swallowing without even chewing. No, they are concerned not that he's eating like a starved man, but that he's eating JUNK FOOD.

Rocky and Aisha look disgusted at his food of choice. Inappropriately Young Friend way overreacts, calls Tommy a lying hypocrite, says he has can no longer look up to Tommy as a role model, and stomps off. The others have lost all respect for Tommy. All because Tommy is eating some junk food. OMG show, will you just lay off the EAT HEALTHY OR BE A DISGUSTING SLOB UNWORTHY OF FRIENDSHIP OR LOVE line of thinking here? Seriously?

Kat tries to explain what she heard and Billy tries to get Tommy to go with him to the Command Center for some scans. Tommy refuses, wanting more food, and Billy is sure there is something wrong. Not because he's eating in excessive amounts, mind, but because he's eating junk food. Tommy says there is nothing wrong that a donut won't fix and Billy knows it's way more serious than he thought... because Tommy is going to eat a DONUT! OH NOES! That's it. One donut will surely RUIN HIM FOR LIFE.

The others leave him to go find dessert while they go talk to Zordon. Zordon shows them the monster in Tommy's stomach and Adam asks if they can just teleport Tommy to them. Zordon refuses because bringing Tommy to the Command Center will bring the monster to the Command Center, and that would be far too dangerous and risking far too much. Uh... wait. Didn't they just bring ZEDD into the Command Center? ZEDD? Mr. Evil Emperor himself? And somehow the piddly Tapeworm MONSTER is more dangerous?

Meanwhile, at a local bake sale, Bulk and Skull have decided to stall sales so they can eat whatever isn't sold. Tommy doesn't care that the pies are (not really) made of fish, and downs a bunch of food. He at least pays for it.

The rangers manage to get Tommy away and explain what's going on. He just can't resist though. Aisha comes up with an awesome plan and gets Rocky to help her bring over a massive ice cream sundae. Tommy tries to lunge for it but the others hold him back. The monster wants that sundae though, so he jumps out of Tommy's stomach and they all have to fight. Kat is still super excited she's a ranger.

The monster grows and the rangers call their zords and I have a moment of rage that Kat is Tommy's copilot, except apparently it was mentioned that Kim did that as well, though I don't recall seeing it. Oh well. They beat the Tapeworm Monster and save the day.

At the Youth Center, Tommy approaches the downtrodden just-had-his-whole-world-shattered Inappropriately Young Friend. IYF refuses to listen at first, calling Tommy a hypocrite. And now he's going to quit karate, too. Way to overreact, IYF! Tommy admits he made some pretty big mistakes (DUDE ATE SOME JUNK FOOD, THAT IS NOT A MISTAKE NOR THE END OF THE WORLD), and gives a lesson on being true to yourself and yada yada yada.

Number of times I had to rewrite: Only twice. I gave up trying to take the rage out. It's just not happening.

Fish: ALL THE FISH IN THE WORLD. Um, really only about 4.5 I guess. But I want to give it all the fish in the world. Stupid episode.

Things we'd like to see: This monster fighting the Pudgy Pig (PP would TOTALLY win) OR, alternately, this monster having a sit down and chat session with Pudgy Pig. They'd have a lot to talk about!

Junk food eaten during the viewing of this episode: consumed some Cheez-Its and 3 Cosmos. only had some water, but is now, having finished writing this, going to eat a HUGE bowl of ice cream. Because this episode made me NEED IT.

Episode 126- Final Face-Off

Well. We're never watching THIS one again.

So we start off with the rangers (minus Kim, who is training for the Pan Globals in the first mention of them) walking into a museum and wondering where the Kahmala exhibit is. Rocky consults a map and points directly ahead, y'know, where the big huge sign for the Kahmala exhibit is. They determine all the priceless cultural artifacts from this entire civilization (from Kahmala, which they never explain where this country is supposed to be) are creepy. Really guys? Creepy? Way to be non-xenophobic and open-minded there, guys.

The only good thing about this episode is that Billy and Adam at least took the time to learn a little about another culture and it's mythology BEFORE talking to other people about it.

They learn about the Face Stealer, a mythological monster who came out and... stole faces. Avatar did it waaaaayyyyy better. It was trapped in a jar and they've got the jar on display. Rita decides this is a great idea and sends down her minions to steal the Face Stealer. I'm going to ignore the racefail in her speech and just focus on the fact that she wants to turn the rangers into zombies.

There is a Tenga attack not five minutes into the episode, which is never a good sign, and then Rito, Squatt, and Baboo break lots of priceless artifacts while stealing stuff. The rangers show up after everything is stolen and find in charge of the display Museum Lady upset. They go look for clues like the meddling teenagers they are.

Face Stealer is woken up, Zedd makes a crack about 500 years being a nap to him, and then Face Stealer goes and steals Bulk and Skull's faces. It then manages to steal Adam and Aisha's faces as well. I hate this episode. The "flesh" revealed once the faces are stolen is white. Why is it white? Adam and Aisha aren't white. I... could rant on this for hours. But I'll spare you. Because I don't want to be that angry tonight. And I've already written this paragraph about four times now.

I'm just going to skip to the end. Billy figures out how to get the faces back, they beat the Face Stealer, capture him in his jar, and give the jar and mask to Bulk and Skull to return. The cops stop Bulk and Skull from returning the jar and mask because, despite the uniforms, they think Bulk and Skull stole them in the first place. Museum Lady shows up at the Youth Center to tell the rangers that the priceless artifacts were returned.

Frankly, I want to pretend this episode did not happen.

5 fish. This episode is so full of fail. Fail, fail, everywhere. ARG!

Episode 122- Wizard for a Day

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present for your viewing pleasure, pretty much the only real actual Rocky-centric episode that gives him some semblance of development. Sure we get another one (next episode in fact), but it's not really character development and if I remember correctly, it's more about a FRIEND and random relative than it is Rocky. ANYWAY! Today I get to bask in the glory of TEH PRETTY.

So Billy is doing martial arts with Tommy in the Youth Center. Billy is very pretty. I highly approve of this. He's getting ready to break a board when Rocky comes in with a huge stack of books. Rocky is also very pretty. Not even five minutes in and we're getting one of the prettiest episodes of the season. *happy sigh*

Rocky explains that he's been selected for the Teacher for a Day program Angel Grove High does every single year. He explains it as if he's been party to this program his entire high school career, yet only a few months prior he lived in Stone Canyon. I guess we're supposed to forget that part. So apparently this is a program where for one day a student takes the place of a teacher, teaching all the classes, doing everything the teacher would be doing. The teacher gets to go through the teenager's classes and school day. I have mixed feelings about this program. Anyway, Rocky is carrying all these books because Mr. Wilton, the science teacher (OMG Angel Grove now has THREE teachers! Must have been a big budget year), has given him all his teacher editions to help him in classes the next day.

Next day? Wait. One day to prepare? Rocky gets ONE day to learn course material for all the science classes? That's not very fair. Nevermind that teaching is A LOT more involved than just picking up a book with all the answers and giving that information to the kids. Way way way more involved. You can't just be successful with one day to go over a teacher edition textbook. Wow.

So apparently Mr. Wilton is a bit of a hard ass and the rest of the Rangers don't seem to keen to have him hang out with them all the following day. They jump when he talks, call him Sir all the time, stand at attention, and Tommy even compliments his tie in an effort to suck up. It doesn't appear to work.

The following morning, Rocky shows up to school in a SUIT. And my screen explodes from OMGTHEPRETTYSOSOSOSOPRETTY. My literal words were "HOT DAMN! Rocky in a suit." Bulk and Skull, handing out parking tickets, see Rocky leave a building with all the teacher books. They think perhaps he's trying to cheat and stole the books. This is actually good thinking on their parts! They are determined to investigate and return the "stolen" books. As Rocky heads to class, leaving the books in his locker, Bulk and Skull break in and take the books back. This is actually not too bad of a plan, except they didn't investigate first. Oh boys.

Rocky heads back to his locker but finds the books missing. He can't wait, however, and hurries off to class to teach anyway. He's obviously going over something new and, having had no time to prepare or learn it himself, doesn't do a half bad job of at least naming some of the chemicals he's using. Though he ends up creating a big mess and not actually teaching much. Later, in history class (with yet another teacher that is not Ms. Applebee!), Mr. Wilton, who's name is actually Wilbur (poor guy, Wilbur Wilton? What were his parents thinking?), disrupts things by answering all the questions properly and then telling everybody else to be quiet. He gets sent to the principal's office.

We have to pause here because really? This doesn't make a lot of sense. It would be better to have the teacher there shadowing the student while s/he teaches (and then had the student shadow the teacher while s/he learns on a different day). I mean, they don't even let student teachers run a class unsupervised! Classrooms... well they just don't work like that! But then again, this IS Angel Grove we're talking about and they DO lack quality education. And teachers. Though at a whopping FOUR teachers, the staff really does seem to be growing by leaps and bounds.

So Rito, having observed this odd little program Rocky is taking part in, has decided he wants to do the same thing. He wants to switch places with Rita and Zedd. They are hesitant, but Rita eventually agrees and talks Zedd into going along with it. Rito takes the throne, takes the Z staff, and then comes up with a brilliant plan while Rita and Zedd taunt him. He calls Finster to make him a monster, but Finster refuses. He doesn't serve anybody but Empress Rita! Rito is determined, however, and goes to make a monster himself. Rito is so awesome.

At the end of the school day, Rocky finds Mr. Wilton in the park. Mr. Wilton assures Rocky that he had no idea, it really is hard to be a teenager, much harder than when he was a kid. I'm kind of surprised by that. Being a teenager is hard and a crapshot no matter what era it's in. Rocky agrees that being a teacher is also hard, and then invites Mr. Wilton to the Youth Center. He says he'll follow along shortly and Rocky (OMGSOPRETTYINASUIT) walks off. Mr. Wilton is then attacked by the DUMBEST TENGAS EVER. Goldar has goaded Rito (so the Rita to Rito's Zedd) into sending them down while he finishes up his monster. They apparently think balding, middle aged, blonde haired blue eyed Mr. Wilton is ROCKY. Delicious, dark, Latino ROCKY DESANTOS. Um... yeah. Stupid birds. So they start to haul off Mr. Wilton but Rocky chases after them, uses his communicator to call for help (because he's AWESOME and SMART and KNEW HE HAD ONE), and then attacks in Ninja Mode. He can't hold them off, but the others show up about the same time Rito does. Rito turns MR. WILTON into the monster. That's right, he used a HUMAN BEING, whom he knew the Rangers would NOT hurt, into the MONSTER (and okay, so the turning into a monster was mostly a mistake, but it was still an awesome move!). Because he's freaking BRILLIANT!

So Monster!Mr. Wilton, with a creepy real Mr. Wilton face inside begging for help, starts to turn the others into chemical compounds. He's about to get Rocky when Tommy takes the Heroic Moment of the Day and dramatically pushes him out of the way in slow motion, taking the shot on himself. Really show? Did Tommy HAVE to have a dramatic hero moment in this episode? I mean, at least the whole episode isn't Secretly About Tommy, but this is Rocky's episode, one of the precious precious few we get (which I cling to tenaciously, stroke, and call My Precious). Let HIM have the hero moments.

So with everybody else turned into chemical compounds, Rito collects them all and then taunts Rocky. But Rocky is smart. He steals them back from Rito and then immediately teleports out of there and straight to the Command Center. Alpha, unfortunately, knows how to turn Rangers from soccer balls (oddly enough, in the OTHER Rocky-centric episode we get) back into Rangers, but NOT from chemical compounds back into Rangers. He starts freaking out, but Rocky uses his head! He remains calm and focused on the problem at hand, calming Alpha enough to help build a device that will change them back from a liquid state. Because Rocky is AWESOME and a GREAT leader. Too bad he never got to BE leader, since it was stolen from him and all. Not that I'm still bitter or anything. Ahem.

So everybody is back to their normal selves and Rocky comes up with a plan to destroy the monster to set Mr. Wilton free, and everybody says this was all thanks to the teaching for a day thing. Which... um... okay? I don't quite see how that's helping AT ALL here, but whatever. Fish. Move on.

So they go fight, Rito makes Monster!Mr. Wilton grow, they call the zords. They give him a smack down and Rocky, feeling responsible (how is it your fault, honey? I don't know), goes to finish him off alone. It takes one hit and the monster is gone, leaving Mr. Wilton lying in the grass in the park. The Rangers rush to make sure he's okay.

Back in the Youth Center later that day, Rocky talks about being a teacher and how it's hard and lots of work and we're all really? You think? DUH! Mr. Wilton learned to relax a little, and is now telling the story of how the Power Rangers rescued him. To ALL the teenage girls. He's VERY popular with the teenage girls. He seems pleased. I'm incredibly squicked out. Dude, it's not good to be middle aged and surrounded by teenage girls like that. It's CREEPY.

Bulk and Skull show up with the "stolen" teachers editions and give them back to Mr. Wilton. They accuse Rocky of cheating and Mr. Wilton defends him, making Bulk and Skull quake in their boots, call him Sir, and run away. Everyone laughs and I'm just... still kind of creeped out by Mr. Wilton and all the girls. (and I really think Rocky would have done FINE if he'd had the books the whole time)

4 fish because education doesn't work like that, but at least it wasn't entirely Secretly About Tommy.

Episode 110- Wild West Rangers Part 1

Today on Power Rangers, putties are awesome! And people from Texas are very bad at southern accents. *is confused*

So we start out with Tommy giving Kim a cactus as a present. She seems to like it, though I'm not sure why anybody would give a cactus as a present? But I'm not a plant person, and Kim is, so that probably has something to do with it. Anyway, Zedd zaps the cactus away while everybody is looking at it, and yet nobody notices it was magicked away. Kim instead accuses her friends of playing a joke and hiding it from her. They didn't, of course, and then they notice a strange greenish goo on the table where the cactus was sitting. Billy touches it and rubs it between his fingers before deciding they should take it to the Command Center to analyze it. Really, Billy? Discussing this in the middle of the Youth Center? Probably not the best way to maintain those secret identities.

They all go the hallway to teleport away, but Kim, wearing the skimpiest outfit I've seen on anybody outside of pron, manages to get left behind. Her teleporter won't work. She is sucked into some glowy rainbow vortex and deposited into the desert. The others, curious what's happened, discover she's been sucked through a time hole, which is a rip in the fabric of time, and is randomly occurring right in front of the lockers in the hallway of the Youth Center.

Kim gets up and tries to contact Zordon, but can't. One-Eyed Bulk and Doc Skullovitch are nearby, so she hides behind a giant boulder while they try to rob a stagecoach driven by Adam and Rocky. The stagecoach and our dapper drivers are saved by The White Stranger. He chases off One-Eyed Bulk and Doc Skullovitch, who happened to bring the wrong guns to the fight. Kim is spotted and comes out from behind the rock, only to faint at the sight of Tommy as The White Stranger. She freaking FAINTS, people. I raged for awhile.

Can I take a moment to marvel that the Native American is not trying to kill the white people, and the Asian and Latino are not being forced into hard deadly labour? I'm not sure Kim is really in 1880 here.

Anyway, moving on. Nobody comments on Kim's total lack of clothing, even though she'd surely be accused of being a woman of ill repute. They have dragged her back to Ernest's Juice Saloon, where she wakes up and is confronted by Abraham (Adam), Alicia (Aisha), William (Billy), and Rocko (Rocky). She kind of freaks out a little and goes outside to discover it is 1880 Angel Grove. At least with THIS time travel episode, Angel Grove could actually exist in the time period she's been transported to.

Okay, I have to take a minute here. The accents, while I'm sure fun to do (as I believe Karan Ashley is quoted), were really really BAD. I mean, seriously? I expected more from at least Karan, Johnny, and Steve! They're all from TEXAS! For crying out loud, even if you don't have the accent yourself, you're surrounded by southerners with thick southern accents that are relatively easy to imitate! I should know, I lived there for 13 years. :P

Back in the ranger time, Billy has managed to track down Kim. They decide to morph and go through the time hole to rescue her, though if it's unstable and unpredictable, how do they know they'll end up at the same time and place as Kim? Do they have a time machine? Did they realize Skull's garage is a TARDIS? I'm guessing it's more a case of a huge school of fish.

They can't get to the time hole, though, because Zedd has turned Kim's cactus into a monster. It, Goldar, and a bunch of putties are heading to the time hole to go back in time and they have to try and stop them. The rangers intercept them and we wonder why they weren't teleported right to the time hole. We figure Zedd's targeting has some fish in it. The putties strike some hilariously awesome poses and then the cactus shoots the rangers with it's paralyzing spore spikes. Or something.

Oh noes, the rangers are down! Who will save them? THE MIGHTY MORPHIN DALEK RANGERS, of course!

Or not, but it would have been totally awesome, right? The rangers don't intercept and Goldar and the cactus monster DO make it to the Youth Center... where nobody flips out or runs around screaming. They just waltz right in and straight through the time hole. Aisha is sure Kim has already beat the monster otherwise their time would be different, but Billy says it's a paradox and their time won't change until Kim fights the monster. Which is SOOOOO not how time travel works, even in their own continuity. That's not even how it worked the LAST time travel episode!

So back in 1880, Kim, who has identified herself as Calamity Kim, is being held up by One-Eyed Bulk and Doc Skullovitch. Skull gets shocked by her communicator and then Bulk falls in a water trough while Adam and Rocky, I'm sorry, Abraham and Rocko, arrest them. I didn't know they were fine gentlemen of the law, but okay, I'll go with it. Kim decides to tell them what's going on with her. They mostly believe her, though Billy does question if she's having a laugh with them. They are called outside to see some commotion and discover a bunch of putties wreaking havoc on HORSES. That's right, putties on HORSES. Who steal clothes. Because they are AWESOME. OMG you guys, seriously, it's the BEST THING EVER.

Then the cactus guy and Goldar show up and Kim is all concerned. To Be Continued!

List time:
4.5 for time travel not working like that, history not working like that, and absolute utter FAILURE at remaining even the slightest bit consistent with previous episodes.

Billy speak:
"It's a cactal vaciferous(?)" (which I think he totally just made up, but whatever)
"I'm having trouble moving my signal through the time barrier."
"I may have to check the power transformer. We may have to increase the surge to carry the ongoing signal."
"It's a paradox. Our world won't change until Kimberly battles the monster in her time."

Covered in food: Bulk fell in the water trough. Poor Bulk.

Episode 95 - Scavenger Hunt

Today on Power Rangers - the team goes on a scavenger hunt, and there is some pretty major fail.

Okay, let me get the fail out of the way first, so I can go back to pretending it didn't happen. Bulk and Skull are, as usual, trying to figure out the identities of the Power Rangers. This time, they hire Gypsy Aballonia. She's supposed to be a psychic, and all three of them dress in the most stereotypical costumes you can think of, and speak in odd accents. Apparently the show thinks that gypsies are acceptable targets or something, but we don't, and honestly we found the entire thing really offensive, and we shall never speak of it again.

So, the actual plot is this - the Rangers are competing in a scavenger hunt. They've split up into two teams (Adam, Kim and Tommy on one, Billy, Aisha and Rocky on the other.) At first I thought they were competing against each other, but it turns out they just split the list in two. Kimberly is really into this, and she's absolutely delightful. And Adam makes the most amazing goofy face when they have to take a picture with their first item, which turns out to be a red car.

Zedd watches them, and is all "so, they like to play games" and it is entirely possible my immediate thought was "Adam and Rocky certainly do" because that is exactly how I roll. Zedd then decides that he will send the Rangers on a never ending scavenger hunt in the Lost Universe. Exactly how does one lose a universe? *blinks* And if Zedd knows where the universe is, how exactly is it lost?

Billy's team is hanging out in Billy's lab, trying to figure out what the next clue is, and somehow they come to the realization that it was a cannon. (Personally, I think the answer was a trebuchet, but I guess that would be even harder to find, and is probably just a nitpick anyway.) Billy realizes that his "little cousin" left behind a toy cannon (really?) and that solves this problem, so they go to the park to find the next clue, where they are promptly attacked by putties and lose the bag of stuff.

Then a miracle occurs - they remember they have communicators, and they call the other Rangers. Kim, Tommy and Adam are all fine, but they agree to keep a lookout. Nobody bothers to call Zordon, and Zordon doesn't notice. But then Zedd sends down the monster, which is made out of Billy's toy cannon.

Zordon immediately knows the name of the monster, its powers, and the fact that it can send them to the Lost Universe. How does he know this? Do the fish fly up and tell him? And how does he know where this universe is? If all of these people know about it, it is NOT LOST.

The Rangers all head to the park to fight the cannon monster. The cannon monster, we must note, is standing in fairly tall grass. The grass the Rangers are standing on is freshly mowed. Great job splicing together the footage! So then the Rangers summon the Power Weapons, but that isn't enough, and so they need to summon the Zords.

Rocky's Zord rides Tommy's. I feel that is important to point out.

Zordon is all concerned, because if the Rangers get sent to the Lost Universe, they will never be retrieved. He tells Alpha they just need to have faith in Tommy. Queenriley and I both start cracking up. But no, they summon Tor (and the other four Rangers finally have something to do during this fight) and all is well. I wonder what the point of even mentioning this Lost Universe was. Adding dramatic tension? Because it really didn't work.

Back at the Youth Center, the Rangers are all excited because they only need one more clue, and Ernie tells them the judges are on the way back. The last clue is "they're the colors of the rainbow, and they fight monsters too." Ernie figures out that it must be the Power Rangers, and he has an 8x10 photo of them. Really, do the Rangers do photoshoots now? How did Ernie get one? And how come the Rangers couldn't figure this out? (Maybe because um, no, they are not the colors of the rainbow. When did black become a color of the rainbow? Did they get an indigo ranger when I wasn't looking?)

The Rangers win the scavenger hunt against Central High. We're left wondering exactly when the Rangers managed to get the toy cannon back.

Fish: 4. It would be a 3.5, but I added half a fish for the rage it caused.

Episode 78- White Light Part 2

I hate this episode. I really really hate this episode.

So we get the best opening shot ever, and that's the only good thing in the entire episode. We open with a close up of Billy's gorgeous gorgeous eyes looking through the grate over the secret room where Zordon and Alpha are creating the white ranger. They can't hear him talk for the fish in their ears, and he leaves to go tell the others.

Back in Billy's garage, he tells them about the new ranger. Instead of being all excited and "OMGSOAWESOMENEWRANGERYAY!", they're being emotastic and worried. They don't want somebody new intruding into their group and they feel it's a slap in the face to Tommy to give somebody else new powers. Uh, did nobody stop and think that hey, rather than tell yet another person their secret identities, Zordon just might, possibly, be making this new power for, gosh, I don't know... Tommy? Really? Nobody came to this EXTREMELY LOGICAL conclusion? Apparently not, because everybody is really depressed and even Jason, in his cautious optimism, just looks constipated.

Meanwhile, in Skull's garage/basement/wherever they happen to be, Bulk and Skull are still trying everything they can think of to open the space dumpster. Skull gets an idea and drags Bulk off to Ernie's. They head off, and Rita lifts the lid from inside the dumpster proclaiming her need to get out of there. Uh... if Rita can open it from inside, why can't Bulk and Skull lift it off from outside? And wouldn't there be some kind of magical lock in place preventing Rita from lifting it from the inside? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of locking her up in the first place, if she can just throw off the lid and walk away at any time?

In Billy's garage, they've all been pacing and looking sad. Zordon finally contacts them to tell them about the new ranger, and they all teleport to the Command Center to listen. They still look upset and I just don't get WHY. So Zordon calls down the white light and the white ranger comes floating down from above. It's very dramatic-Jesus-like and I want to slam my head against something repeatedly. He takes off his helmet and Billy smiles and says he can't believe it. Really, Billy? In your super intelligent overly logical brain did it never once occur to you who would be in that suit? *sigh*

And then we see Kim faint. Nobody else sees her faint, but she faints. She FAINTS people. She sees Tommy and PASSES THE FUCK OUT. This is why I hate this episode. Does she, the one who has beaten more monsters on her own than the rest of the team combined, not have the fortitude to STAY CONSCIOUS when surprised with Tommy? SERIOUSLY? WHAT THE HELL SHOW?

(and now that I've rewritten that four times and calmed down enough for just that bit, I'll move on)

So then we see that it's Tommy in the white ranger outfit. Well colour me surprised. Or not. Everybody is all excited and shocked and acting like idiots. Tommy pushes them aside because nobody else saw Kim faint, but he's worried. He calls her princess, lifts her from the ground, and tells her to wake up. And miraculously, she wakes up. And can't believe it's Tommy. She's sure she's dreaming. I bruise my forehead slamming it against the desk. Luckily I thought to move the keyboard out of the way first.

Zordon then tells them that Tommy was the obvious choice to be the NEW LEADER of the Power Rangers. Hold the phone! New LEADER? Leader? Really? What, Jason suddenly isn't capable? He's not good enough anymore? Tommy is infinitely better at being leader than Jason and so he gets to just usurp the role?? WHY? I can see Tommy taking over once Jason leaves and the Stone Canyon Trio move in. But right now? While Jason is still doing an awesome job of being leader? WHAT THE HELL SHOW?!?!??!!

Luckily they cut back to Bulk and Skull before I can YET AGAIN go into rage blackout. Bulk and Skull are using a massively large can opener trying to open the dumpster. We can only assume Ernie had such a large can opener because he needed it to open the massive tin of fish it took to create this episode.

So back at the Command Center, Zordon appraises them of the monster and some putties, Rita getting out of her dumpster, and the need to go take care of this. Oh but wait, the zords were damaged and Billy didn't fix them. Zordon sends Billy and Trini to go fix the zords, Tommy to deal with the monster, and Jason, Kim, and Zack to deal with a bunch of putties. So Tommy jumps around, his zord damages a lot of land, and we meet Saba, the talking sabre. I like Saba. He can be annoying, but I don't care. I like him anyway. So Tommy kind of fails at controlling his zord and it falls over. He makes a comment about having never had a partner before so they'll just have to learn to work together. Excuse me? Never had a partner before? What, did you beat all those monsters in season 1 and the first half of 2 all on your own there, Tommy? Nobody else helped you? You didn't have multiple learn to cooperate already episodes? *sigh*

So he eventually figures out how to work the zord and then he makes it fight by doing martial arts in the cockpit. It's ridiculous, but not quite as bad as firing weapons inside equating to firing weapons outside (I'm looking at you, RPM). Tommy really sucks at this and then somehow ends up on the side of a mountain. I don't even... whatever.

Jason calls his zord and we wonder a)how the zords were fixed so quickly and b)who told Jason. But apparently both happened because Jason goes to fight alongside Tommy, and ends up with his thunderzord riding Tommy's zord. Oh show. They battle in a pathetic jousting match and then separate to combine with the other zords and form a new Megazord. The new Megazord can shoot Kim's zord at enemies with effects reminiscent of Tron. And now I want to go watch Tron. They win the battle, the Megazord and Jason's zord shake hands for some reason, and then we cut back to Bulk and Skull.

So Bulk and Skull eventually collapse from the effort and while they aren't looking, Rita throws off the lid and climbs out of the dumpster. She yells at Bulk and Skull and they pass out from fright. But alas, her escape isn't meant to be because the rangers are there too and they put her back in her dumpster, toss the lid back on haphazardly, and then leave with the dumpster. The boys go send it back into space while Kim and Trini hang out in Skull's garage/basement/whatever. They wake up and nobody questions why Kim and Trini are there, but whatever. The girls are mean about Bulk and Skull hallucinating a little witch.

At the Youth Center, they are having a surprise party for Tommy. They talk, loudly, about Tommy being a ranger again and Jason gets confused when trying to compare Tommy's surprise being more surprising than their surprise party. In walk Ritchie and Curtis. Ritchie has apparently won a trophy at a martial arts tournament that none of the rangers took part in, and the Angel Grove economy keeps on spinning. He shows off some moves for them and manages to kick a large sheet cake that Ernie just finished decorating. It goes flying and lands on Bulk and Skull, who just walked in. They promptly turn and walk right back out while everybody laughs at them.

*sigh* Did I mention I hate this episode?

List time:
5 fish. There isn't enough gefitle fish in the world to explain away this episode.

Billy speak: borderline, but the closest we get is "All the energy is being concentrated into the creation of a new Ranger."

Covered in food: Bulk and Skull covered in cake.

Episode 71- The Song of Guitardo

I admit, I remembered absolutely nothing about this episode except for the title. For some reason, that stuck with me over 15 or so years, but the details of the plot just floated away. And part of me is very glad to have discovered this episode, and very mad at the same time. How an episode can be both rage inducing AND sickly sweet I don't know, but this one is. My poor brain, it's so befuddled.

Anyway, we start the show with Kim playing guitar in the Youth Center. Aw, a Kim episode! Zack is with her and compliments her music. She is writing a song, apparently, and in the best friendship acting of this show, she asks him for help with the lyrics. People, it is ADORABLE.

Zedd is spying, as he always does, and decides the guitar is the perfect thing to make a monster. Except, well, as Exposition Monkey Goldar points out in the only thing he says or does in the entire episode, Zedd can only make monsters out of living things. And guitars are made of wood which is no longer living. Zedd waves him off saying where there is wood, there are insects and he can make a monster out of those. Mind, guitars don't generally have insects in them, so where he came up with that, I don't know, but okay then. He somehow determines a cicada would be likely to be in a guitar (nod and smile, people, it makes this show SO much easier) and devises a spell to make Guitardo, the cicada monster.

In the park the following day, the rangers are having a picnic. Initially Intended Jason Replacement Ritchie, dressed ALL IN RED as usual (I don't think we've ever seen him NOT in red... real subtle there show), rides by on his bike. Trini invites him to join, but he has to unpack from moving. Sad.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are just around the corner attempting to draw the attention of the power rangers. Bulk is dressed like a dragon/monster thing and Skull looks absolutely ravishing in a pink princess dress. He does the most amazing voice, too! Anyway, they run around screaming, attract the unmorphed rangers, get a lesson on crying wolf, and then blow them off and continue to run around screaming. It's amazing.

Just in time for the fakest insect ever to land on first Skull and then Bulk, Zedd's spell is ready! So he mumbles a bit and turns the insect into a monster, which lands right on Bulk's shoulder. Poor guys, the monsters always seem to materialize right on them.

In an unprecedented fit of actually paying attention, Zordon notices the monster IMMEDIATELY and calls the rangers! It's unheard of, this actual "looking out" business! So apparently they've analyzed the monster and are going to tell them all about it, but first Tommy has to step off to the side with Alpha to be evaluated for power levels. What, they wait until a crisis to worry about this? So much for planning. Way to ruin your moment of Win, Zordon. So apparently this monster can control minds. And has turned Kim's guitar into his weapon of mind control, as he uses music to do his evil thing. Tommy's powers aren't up to a fight, so he gets left behind so he doesn't endanger the other rangers.

So the others morph and go confront Guitardo. They try to concentrate on their own thoughts and block out his mind control powers, but they fail. Zack goes first, followed quickly by Billy, Jason, and Trini. They end up floating in the air for some reason. Because apparently this isn't really mind control and is just... um... levitation? I don't even know. My best theory is they're standing on large invisible piles of fish.

Anyway, Kim is left on her own to fight this monster. This really oughtn't be a problem seeing as she's fought solo and taken down monsters singlehandedly before. But no, instead she freaks out, Tommy morphs, and comes to her rescue. He pulls her out of the way just in time. Out of the way of what, I'm not sure, since mind control isn't really directionally based like that? But okay.

We wonder why Tommy then leaves Kim alone to go fight Guitardo on his own, because Tommy is THE MOST PRONE to mind control. He's PROVEN he's susceptible in the past. And Kim is too awesome to stand around and twiddle her thumbs! She can solo a monster and Tommy is weak and losing his powers! What the hell, show? We capslocked this for a few minutes in chat because, really? Continuity!Fail like woah. So Tommy goes to some fair thing to fight the monster, only he kind of gets taken over pretty quickly. But wait! He uses his dragon dagger and figures out music breaks the spell, so he'll fight music with music!

The mind control affects him anyway and this somehow makes him fall into an ever deepening hole in the ground. Um... mind control? How is it making a hole in the ground? Cement is not sentient. It's not even alive. It doesn't have a mind to control, so how is the hole being created? We decide it's a bunch of fish drilling into it and move on. Kim finally runs up and uses her bow as a harp to stop the monster from further sinking Tommy. She tells Tommy music will defeat Guitardo and we have to wonder how she knows this. Was she standing around watching? We like to think she was as that would hint to her being in on Zordon's plan to sabotage Tommy. We like this theory.

So Kim beats the monster by using Tommy's tiny little dagger as an arrow in her bow. I... don't even want to know how that works? Because physics? Really doesn't work like that. Like, at all. But the dagger destroys the monster and all is well, and we didn't even have a zord fight, so I'm okay with it!

Back at the Youth Center, the rangers are completing their picnic. It's apparently pouring down rain now and Ernie just let them into his food service establishment with their own food and drink, and invited them to spread out and enjoy themselves... without purchasing a thing from him. That's not the way to make money and keep your business open, Ernie. But way to be nice. Bulk and Skull come in and Bulk has his helmet stuck to his head. Billy offers to help remove it if they promise not to pretend to be in danger anymore. They promise (with fingers crossed) and Billy genuinely and nicely helps them. They barely have time to walk away before Tommy starts talking about losing his powers. Loudly. In the middle of the crowded Youth Center. Secret identities. I thought they had them?

Anyway, he fails at being Emo Ranger, and then Kim pulls out her guitar and cheers him up by singing a song she and Zack wrote for him. Aw! It's about the sweetest thing EVER, especially when Zack JOINS IN THE CHORUS! OMGSOADORABLE! I melted. The only thing that could have made me go "DAWWWW" any harder is if they'd somehow had a bunch of kittens frolicking about.

So it was both rage inducing and adorable at the same time and my head is going to explode from the contradiction.

Lists!
3 fish. Much less fishy than yesterday, though some big continuity fails there.

Billy speak: none really, though he does mention focusing on your own thoughts to block out Guitardo's mind control.

Covered in food: Nobody, but Bulk does get a monster materializing on his shoulder