Episode 359 - The Fifth Crystal

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Anyway, we are updating again without a super long hiatus? The world must be ending. Or something.

So we open with Vypra Mission Impossible Style hijjinks, including some music that is designed to evoke that particular feeling. It's all very dark, and I feel like somewhere the Leverage team is probably laughing their asses off. Man, I love Leverage. Anyway, Vypra steals some funky looking crystal, which is apparently the fourth one, and she looks very pleased with herself.

One of the monsters gives some exposition about how they need one more crystal and then they can destroy all the things. Cue themesong. (Which is still awesome.)

Back at the Aquabase, apparently the Rangers are going to investigate stolen crystals. Carter is totally confused, because um, they aren't the cops. But some special agent shows up to explain that they are starlight crystals, and only 5 of them exist in the world. They.... look vaguely like dilithium crystals. Dana is all "how are we going to find it?" but Kelsey tells them her grandmother has the last one. Apparently she hasn't spoken to her grandmother in years, because they don't get along. Her grandmother was apparently super awesome as a young woman, but now she apparently only cares about money.

Her grandmother is very stuck up, and assumes that Kelsey is only there to get money. Although to be fair, if you show up at a rich woman's house and are all "hey, I need some help" I... don't really blame you. Kelsey and Carter do a very bad job of explaining why they need the crystal. I love her grandmother a little bit. Her grandmother gives her the "this is super important to me" speech, and agrees to give Kelsey the crystal anyway. Kelsey promises to keep it safe. I sense disaster.

So they are transporting the crystal to... somewhere? With Kelsey handcuffed to the suitcase containing it. Vypra shows up in her car of doom and sends Batlings to over run the van. Kelsey uses the suitcase as a WEAPON, which is one of the most moronic things that Rangers have ever used as weapons, and Vypra then cuts  the handcuff off Kelsey, and takes the crystal. Luckily, this is when the Rangers all show up, and Carter manages to get all five crystals. Vypra and the Batlings vanish.

The Rangers hand the crystals off to the special agent, but its really the monster, who runs off with all the crystals. Kelsey's grandmother gives Kelsey the "I couldn't be more disappointed in you" speech. Carter then gives the grandmother the "all the money in the world can't buy you a decent personality" speech, and Kelsey starts crying about how all she ever wanted was for her grandmother to love her, and then she starts blaming herself. The grandmother (who frankly is allowed to be upset with them for losing her crystal) watches from the window.

Somehow Kelsey sees batlings driving around on a truck, and she rollerblades after them, and makes one of the most impossible jumps in the history of power rangers. They then go to an army base and nobody has noticed that Kelsey snuck in. They are not very smart.

Back in demon world, Queen Bansheera gives orders to Olympius and Loki to keep the Rangers from interfering. At Aquabase, Carter is looking for Kelsey. And then the alarm goes off.

Kelsey is still spying on the monsters at the abandoned warehouse/army base and the crystals are powering up the warp core, and then Kelsey gets noticed. There's a fight on rollerblades, which is awesome. I want Jubilee and Kelsey to be BFF now. They would totally get along. All the batlings fire at Kelsey, but she outskates them, but eventually she gets caught and they pull her rollerblades off her feet.

The other Rangers are on their way to rescue Kelsey when they notice Olympius, and there's a fight. And a really nice shot of Carter's ass. And also Chad gets pinned to the ground and starts moaning. This is totally relevant.

So the laser warp core is being moved into position, when ACTION GRANDMA comes to the rescue. Man, now I ship ACTION GRANDMA with Grandma Matchmaker. Or at least I want them to go and talk about their granddaughters the yellow rangers. And how they totally saved them. Because seriously. Old ladies being awesome! ACTION GRANDMA totally drives a forklift into the laser and laughs maniacally, and it is GREAT. Seriously, I think she is my favorite ever. The warp core laser explodes and the crystal is destroyed.

Kelsey asks what her grandmother is doing, and ACTION GRANDMA says she came to get the most precious thing in the world. Kelsey thinks her grandmother means the crystal, but it is OBVIOUSLY Kelsey.

Kelsey then heads over to help the other Rangers fight Olympius while ACTION GRANDMA is all "I'll be fine." She's probably destroying an entire army of Batlings herself. Anyway, the Rangers summon weapons and fight monsters and stuff happens, I guess. The monster gives the "you'll pay for ruining my plan" defeat flag, so Kelsey kicks his ass. They destroyed the monster without it growing.

The Rangers are all discussing what happened, and how Kelsey is sad because her grandmother will never forgive her. But Kelsey shows up on rollerblades to say that she is going on a picnic with someone. And ACTION GRANDMA appears, also on rollerblades. None of the Rangers want to go on the picnic with them, and ACTION GRANDMA calls them chickens. They do fun rollerblading stunts together and skate off.

THIS WAS SO GREAT WHY ISN'T LIGHTSPEED LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME???

Fish: 3. The science makes no sense, but WHATEVER. ACTION GRANDMA.

Fic we want: GRANDMA MATCHMAKER/ACTION GRANDMA. Or at least them hanging out and being awesome together. SERIOUSLY.

Episode 346 - Up to the Challenge

Hey, it's 2013! We live! Time for recaps and hopefully an actual schedule! So today we have an episode about Chad and Kelsey as BFFs! Yay!

we open with a lovely underwater diving scene, and then Chad waking up Kelsey for breakfast. He's an early riser, apparently, and she doesn't get it. She's grumpy, because morning. Although to be fair, I would also wake up early to swim with fish. But maybe not every day. That's overkill. And also I hate waking up early.

So Chad is going to teach Kelsey something new, and seriously, most adorable. Meanwhile, the villains are plotting something I don't particularly care about, because can we get back to how adorable Chad and Kelsey are?

Anyway, the new thing that Chad is teaching Kelsey is Tai Chi at the VR Troopers temple of Ryan angst. She's bad at it, and would much rather be skateboarding. He's all "well, inner calm! You could need it!" And then she blows up at him and he rambles apologies at her and MOST ADORABLE and they mock fight.

Then some asshat shows up on a motorcycle, who recognizes them as the Power rangers. Chad introduces them, and the guy is all "and I bet you suck" and challenges them to a fight. Kelsey encourages Chad to fight, but Chad is all "I don't need to prove myself to anyone" because he has inner calm and is also great.

So, totally a downside of public identities. I wonder how many barfights the public ID rangers get into when they get attacked by drunk assholes who just want to say they fought a Power Ranger. WHO IS WRITING ME THAT FIC.

Anyway, the guy attacks him, and Chad totally schools him and knocks him down. Asshole's girlfriend is not impressed at all, and then Chad and Kelsey have to run off to help a battle.

Some nonsense happens with zords and a rescue (and seriously, are there really no police or emergency workers at ALL in this city?) and Kelsey does some stunt that has Carter give her helmet a noogie. Then a monster shows up.

Asshat is on his bike somewhere and he sees the fight. The monster goes into some building and Kelsey is now "AND I SHOOT THINGS NOW" and Chad is all "USE YOUR BRAINS, KELSEY" and then the building explodes. Oops.

Kelsey is injured and is all "oh, is that what you meant by not getting over excited?" and then she passes out dramatically in Chad's arms. Meanwhile, asshole guy spies on the monsters and then he's all "I want to learn how to destroy the Blue Ranger from you" and then Vypra does some spell and he calls her MISTRESS and has glowy eyes and THIS IS GREAT. (He so has a crush on Chad.)

Kelsey is still unconscious and Chad is blaming himself. Joel points out that nobody can stop Kelsey. Because Kelsey.

Asshole guy (Brian, apparently) challenges Chad to a fight while the other three Rangers go to fight the monster.

Vypra watches Brian train, while Chad shows up and is like "I'm going to get you out of here" and Brian attacks Chad. We get some GREAT unmorphed fighting. (This is why you should hire martial artists, show. Didn't Chad train Jacob from Twilight or something?)

Meanwhile, Ms. Fairweather catches Kelsey trying to go help. She knows better than to try and stop Kelsey, and instead gives her a new toy. Kelsey hugs her and calls her Ms. F. (AND I SHIP THEM NOW) and Ms. Fairweather starts to tell Kelsey to be careful, and instead switches to "try and bring it back in one piece." BECAUSE SHE KNOWS KELSEY SO WELL.

Kelsey brings the new toy to rescue the other Rangers (who are tied up with tentacle things)  and we go back to the Chad vs Brian fight. WHICH IS GREAT. Vypra is all disappointed that Brian sucks. Chad extends his hand to Brian to get him away, but Chad is grabbed by Batlings instead. Brian suddenly has a crisis of conscience about fighting Chad (and seriously, Vypra, why not just kill Chad yourself?) and attacks the Batlings instead.

Chad and Brian become friends and Chad tells him he doesn't have to prove himself to anyone, and then Chad goes to show up to fight the monster. Monster blows up and... no zord fight? REALLY? YAY.

Later, Chad and Kelsey are doing tai chi again, and Brian is teaching little kids martial arts. Kelsey is impressed. Now Kelsey is all "I have to teach YOU something now" and then Chad is confronted by a hot girl (who hits a tennis ball at them). Kelsey decides she will teach Chad to talk to girls. Honey, I'm not so sure he's interested. STILL. ADORABLE.

Fish: 2!

Episode 342 - Riding the Edge

Well, I was super bitter today because I woke up to find out that Power Rangers Samurai isn't on for some unknown reason that may have to do with Nick being the worst at promotion EVER.

Instead, I am recapping Kelsey/Nancy, which makes me happy.

Nancy the hot astronaut is out jogging with her dog when she stops to tie her shoe and drops the leash, making her the WORST DOG OWNER EVER. The dog runs into the middle of the street and then Kelsey does a dramatic flying leap on roller blades and gets the dog, although she then shows off and has to dive under a moving truck because of her showing off. Nancy and Kelsey flirt a lot, and Kelsey tells us that crazy is her middle name, and Nancy is VERY SAD when Kelsey has to go, because she has SUCH A CRUSH. (Have I mentioned that I ship them a LOT? Because seriously, girlfriends.)

Anyway, that was the most ridiculous puppy rescue scene I've ever watched, with the possible exception of Independence Day.

Back at Castle Greyskull, Diabolico is annoyed that the Rangers exist, and Vypra continues her bad acting. Jinxer is told to create a monster that will blow everyone away, and we meet Whirlin.

Later, NASADA is busy being pissed that Mariner Bay stole their shuttle design. Or did they open up a branch there? Watching TV Kelsey is SUPER EXCITED to see that her potential girlfriend is a shuttle pilot, because she's apparently been talking about Nancy nonstop since the rescue. And apparently the shuttle is only going in for four hours? FOUR HOURS?

While this is going on, the monster is a tornado going through the city, and tornadoes freak me out (I ended up getting a new roof back in 2008. SERIOUSLY, THEY ARE THE WORST.)

Diabolico introduces himself to the Rangers and monologues at them and then the tornado shows up again. Hey, could it take them to Oz? Rangers in Oz would be cool. Kelsey could flirt with Ozma!

Carter continues his shooting solves everything plans, and shoots the tornado, which brings the monster down to Earth.  The batlings (I keep wanting to call them batwings) show up, and we get a fight scene.

Meanwhile, Nancy is apparently done in space, and is heading back to Mariner Bay. Apparently they didn't check the weather to see that there's a tornado monster? Mission control fails forever. (Maybe NANCY could go to Oz! And then Kelsey has to go rescue her! Can someone write me that?)

... Also, space shuttles don't work like airplanes. QR is allcapsing that at me, so it should go in the recap.

They shoot the monster and it looks like everything should be fine, but then they find out that the shuttle is in danger. Kelsey is super distressed that her girlfriend is in danger of crashing, and instead of telling everyone what the plan is, she just tells them that they'll think she's crazy and calls the zords. We get a lot of stock footage of the train showing up, and everyone agrees that Kelsey should call the shots for this mission. Because her girlfriend is in danger.

Joel attaches some cable magnets which lets the shuttle level off, and then they clear the freeway by having everyone drive into Dana's car (really? REALLY? What is the size of that?) and then Nancy realizes that Kelsey is the yellow ranger and is SUPER HAPPY and agrees to try and land on her back. It's rough going at first, but they did it.

Because it wouldn't be power rangers without the monster growing, Whirlin grows and attacks the city. Good thing they already have the Zords out, right? So there's a fight. The Rangers win. Nancy is very impressed.

Kelsey takes off her helmet to see Nancy, and the two of them flail at each other  and Nancy winks, because she totally just got a date with Nancy. SERIOUSLY I SHIP THEM SO MUCH.

Fish: 3. It would have been more because of ALL the science fail, but we were too distracted by how adorable Kelsey and Nancy are to pay attention.

Fic we want: Rangers in Oz! ALL THE KELSEY/NANCY EVER. MOST ADORABLE.