Episode 132- Changing of the Zords Part 3

About all this episode taught me is that Aisha makes an awesome Jazzercise instructor, and never ever EVER trust Tommy around machines that drain/sustain your life. Seriously.

So we start off with Zedd in the Command Center and my little heart goes all aflutter at just how purely AWESOME this is. Tommy agrees to pilot the zords and then Zedd leaves while cackling maniacally. Totally wasted opportunity there, Zedd. He had the chance, he could have really taken out the Command Center. If he'd done so, this episode would have been over right then and there. Zedd and evil would have won.

In the dark dimension, Kat is observing Kimberly spin on the table as her life force is drained away. Kat is sorry it has to be that way. Her eyes flash red and then she gets a distraught look on her face (and for all the poor acting on the show, Katherine Sutherland really sold this on facial expression alone) and says she means it. She really doesn't want it to be that way. Kat is starting to break the spell.

Back in the Command Center, Billy is trying to track down Kim while Alpha tries to build a device that will sever Kim's life force from the power coin. He finally locates her in the dark dimension but is unsure how to get in there. The front door is apparently "locked". Tommy has a brilliant selection and, drawing from his last sparring match before Jason left town, suggests they go in the back door. Heeee, I'm a twelve year old boy inside. In all seriousness, it's actually a really good plan. They sneak in the back and sneak Kim out with Zedd being, hopefully, none the wiser.

Billy sets up his portal machine in the park. We have to wonder WHY this needs to be done in the park, out in the open, where anybody can see them. But whatever. We get sunlight shining in Billy's hair making him look all pretty, so I'll take it. Tommy goes through the portal, well aware of his time limit, and finds Kim.

Meanwhile, during a hootenanny on the moon that's chock full of hoot with just a little bit of nanny, Zedd notices a disturbance in the force the intruder, and sends Tengas down to take care of the other rangers while he goes to deal with Tommy. The rangers immediately go to Ninja Power and I lament the loss of the unmorphed fighting sequences. Aisha is awesome because she immediately rounds up a good six or seven of them and starts dancing. They follow her every move and instruction and she manages to lead a great Jazzercise class with the Tengas. She tells them to fall down, and they DO. Adam grows really big and appears to squish two of them, but really he just picks them up and flings them away. The others just fight but two Tengas manage to escape notice. They come upon Billy's device and one asks if the other knows what it is. The other says no, and then suggests they destroy it. And they do.

Meanwhile, Zedd goes down to the dark dimension where he's holding Kim and fights Tommy. I don't like Tommy, this much has been made clear, but the Zedd/Tommy battles are pretty epic and I admit, begrudgingly, that I'd totally watch a half hour of Tommy and Zedd fighting. Mostly because of Zedd. But still. Anyway, Tommy breaks Zedd's staff, which promptly turns into a snake. Tommy says the snake is just like Zedd "cold and slimy". He's wrong of course. Snakes are neither cold (cold blooded, yes, but they still need to be warm to live) nor slimy (reptiles are not slimy, amphibians are... snakes are most definitely not amphibians).

Back on Earth, the Tengas run away and Billy fixes the portal device in all of about five seconds, with not a hint of duct tape in sight. Rita, seeing her prize slipping away, orders Finster to make a monster. In the meantime, she summons the zords. They appear in the park with much ground shaking, and Rocky mentions that earthquakes don't happen in Angel Grove. Except for all the times that they do, Rocky. Anyway, Adam is sad they'll have to use the zords for evil and they all just kind of work under the assumption that Tommy failed already. Rita's new monster finished, she sends it down to Earth. It FLASHES the rangers. Like, literally. It opens it's jacket to reveal it's naked body covered in eyes and flashes them. I love this monster already! They of course have to morph and fight.

Back in the dark dimension, Tommy has driven Lord Zedd away. He tries to figure out how to turn off the device, but decides to just start messing with buttons and knobs instead. HE MESSES WITH BUTTONS AND KNOBS. On the device that is DRAINING KIM'S LIFE AWAY. That's... probably the dumbest thing Tommy has EVER done. Luckily he manages to shut the darn thing down instead of the more probable event of draining her life completely. He picks her up and takes her through the portal, just in time, as it closes behind him. She's still unconscious and he gets Zordon to beam her to the Command Center so he can go help the others fight the awesome Flashing Monster.

They climb in the zords and Billy manages to break them away from Zedd's power source, tying them into their own power source... which is never explained what it is, where it came from, how it works, and how Billy was able to do so in less than a minute. Anyway, the zords are now under ranger control. They come together and fight the Flashing Monster, now so big he could flash all of downtown Angel Grove in one go. First they just shoot confetti at the monster, but then they pull out the sword and, I must say, it's pretty cool because it's on fire. They, of course, finish the monster and save the day.

Back at the Command Center, Kim has mostly recovered. Alpha has managed to sever her life force from the power coin and she's feeling better. She can still be the pink ranger, if she draws power from the others, though it's only a temporary solution. Rita and Zedd still have her coin and the falcon zord (which somehow renders the other zords completely inoperable? Whatever).

On the moon, Zedd is distraught that he lost. Rita comforts him by telling him all the things they still have and how awesome they are. Then she handles his snake for a bit.

Back on Earth, Kim and Tommy are walking along the lake at sunset, with the water sparkling behind them. Kim tells Tommy she's scared. Tommy tells her he will always be her friend and then kisses her on the cheek (and TSB is sure they then have sex on the beach). Roll credits.


All in all, 4 fish. Because... well... it just didn't make sense.

Episode 74- Missing Green

Just a quick blogger note to let you guys know there will be no recaps for the next week or so. I wouldn't expect one until Tuesday the 26th at the earliest. Due to a death in the family, I'll be out of town for the next week and a half and unable to recap.

So. This episode. Missing Green. Otherwise known as Jason-attempts-to-look-emo-but-just-looks-constipated-because-he-misses-his-boyfriendfriend. Aka: Jason is Very Very Pretty.

This episode is weird. Just... weird. It's also blatant contract dispute time!

We start off in the Youth Center with Zack giving Jason some pointers for an upcoming martial arts expo. Jason is really messing up, though, because he just keeps seeing the target as Tommy and can't manage to kick it. He feels guilty for not getting the green candle in time and as such, is going to let the economy of Angel Grove fail. Bad Jason.

Meanwhile, Zedd devises a plan to use Jason's guilt against him. He also calls Goldar out on being a turncoat. And he does it in the most awesome way. Oh, Zedd.

Back at the Youth Center, Kim, Trini, Billy, and Zack are talking. Zack is worried about Jason. Kim decides they should find Tommy to help make Jason feel better. I don't know why they have to FIND Tommy, but I don't have time to dwell on that since they said ranger right in front of Bulk and Skull and the duo actually NOTICED. That's right, secret identity fail that was actually OVERHEARD! So Bulk and Skull are going to follow them by borrowing Bulk's aunt's bright yellow taxi.

Zack drives a big red SUV for some reason. They're trying to find The Lake of No Name except Kim can't remember where it is and they're lost. They pull over and look at a map that is apparently of Angel Grove, but it still doesn't make much sense. But Goldar shows up before they can figure out where they are! Bulk and Skull somehow COMPLETELY MISS the foursome morphing right in front of them. I don't even know how, but they didn't see it. Goldar taunts them a little and then immediately transports them to a cell in the dark dimension. There are four candles in the colours of the kidnapped rangers and he's using the last of the green candle to light the others. There is a fishy explanation and... it really doesn't work that way. Or it didn't last time. Nod and smile.

Meanwhile, Zordon has taken initiative and called Jason! He explains what's going on and then gives Jason an awesome pep talk about what makes him a good leader and tough decisions and yada yada yada. Holy crap, Zordon for the WIN! Zordon FTMFW even! I don't even quite know what to do with that. Jason is very demanding (and it's so incredibly incredibly hot, despite the fact that he really couldn't act here) and insists Zordon find his friends because the trophy isn't worth winning if he can't share it with his friends (and we know he really means Tommy, but whatever, he was all kinds of forceful and I got all flustered).

Anyway, Zedd has turned the trophy for the martial arts expo into a monster, completely contradicting himself from a mere two episodes ago where we discovered he could only turn things into monsters if they were alive. Jason morphs and goes to fight this monster and ends up entangled in the tentacles, despite us never actually seeing the monster in the same shot as the red ranger. It's also blatantly obvious that we've entered contract dispute episodes because the voiceover for Jason here is definitely not Austin St. John. It doesn't sound anything like him at all! And he spends most of the episode morphed.

There is a random battle where the monster grows and Jason calls the red dragon thunderzord and it's very confusing, but the zord beats the monster and it returns to it's previous trophy state and location. Jason teleports into the dark dimension and fights Goldar. He manages to knock over the candles and gets the keys from Goldar to let the others out. Unfortunately, they're all weak and stuff because of the candles. So in some weird fishy scene, Jason takes all the power coins, puts them on top of the now upright candles, and uses his power coin to... do something but I'm not sure what. Basically it was like lightning went from his coin to the others and then the candles disappeared and everybody got their powers back. Uh... okay then. He gives them their coins back, they all leave by jumping through some invisible vortex or something (my head is going to fall off I'm nodding and smiling so hard here), but Goldar grabs Jason by the leg and insisting he won't let him go that easy. The show outright admits that Goldar's entire purpose revolves around Jason. Wow. Way to point that out, show!

So they all end up in the Command Center and Alpha is exciting because they've located Tommy. He is indeed at The Lake of No Name. He's writing JASON a letter. Not his girlfriend or anything, but JASON. He's also writing it by holding the paper upright in front of his face, but I'm going to ignore that fact. Because he's writing a letter to JASON and he's saying everything he's writing and good holy hell it's the slashiest thing this show has ever done. I don't even ship them! Oh, and Tommy is wearing all white.

Back at the Youth Center, Bulk and Skull show off a picture that was supposed to be of the rangers but was actually of a birds nest that fell on top of them. They go off to come up with another plan to discover the identity of the power rangers while Jason and the rest of the team go inside for the martial arts expo. Jason is VERY pretty and SHIRTLESS. I suddenly like this episode an awful lot. Jason does some interesting moves and the judges immediately award him first place and the trophy. He dedicates it to Tommy. For some reason. That I'm sure has nothing to do with sex. Or at least I'm sure that's what the show wants us to think. Or maybe not... because it's really kind of undeniable here.

Mostly I'm just happy he's shirtless and SHINY. He's glistening with sweat. It's very lovely.

List time!
4 fish... there were a lot of contradictions with previous episodes. I mean, A LOT.

Billy speak: none

Covered in food: Bulk and Skull were covered in eggs.

Episode 50 - Return of an Old Friend Part 2

Hey, Tommy is in the credits! We're officially back in the Green Ranger era. Oh well.

Back at the Command Center, Kimberly asks what good Tommy's coin will do. Alpha says that they've located their parents, but... we'd already seen that! Why is this news? It isn't like they can teleport them out.

Tommy gets teleported to the Command Center, and Rita gets the best reaction shot on her face ever. But Rita decides not to worry that much, and instead decides it is time to conquer Earth once and for all.

Jason gives Tommy his coin back, and Tommy is all "WTF is going on?" We skip the explanations, and Tommy asks how that will work. Zordon says that he'll infuse Tommy with his own energy, but Billy says it's dangerous, and we find out that the powers could fail at any time. Tommy says he'll take that risk.

Cut to Goldar summoning Dragonzord and destroying part of Angel Grove. How is Tommy supposed to get control of his Zord back anyway? Billy tells us that if Zordon drains too much of his energy he'll cease to exist. Seriously?

Tommy is all "Whee! Powers!" Oh, the shield of cheap bling. We've almost missed you. but not quite."

Goldar and Tommy start fighting, and for some reason the box containing Power Coins appears. Why would Goldar do that? I mean, seriously! Tommy gets attacked by Putties, and it is a pretty nice fight scene. But then Tommy falls down, and Goldar taunts him. Zordon's energy level is apparently dangerously low. Jason tells Alpha to turn up the power, and the shield of cheap bling glows. Tommy's powers start to fail, and he reaches for the box of power coins. He doesn't manage to get that because it electrocutes him or something, but he does get the Dragonzord. Goldar and Scorpina grow, and seriously, the Dragonzord is awesome. For all I can't stand Tommy, I love his Zord. Plus, Scorpina. She's awesome.

Also, the song is nice. The music for this show is fabulous. Zordon starts fading out, so Tommy has used too much power or something. They're going to try to bring Tommy back. Just as Tommy's powers fail and the shield of cheap bling glows menacingly, Tommy grabs the power coins and then passes out in the Command Center. Kimberly kneels by his head, and I'll refrain from commenting on that.

Alpha and the other Rangers come up with a plan to bring Zordon back. They're going to combine their power coins to infuse Zordon with energy, and apparently Zordon is Captain Planet! Seriously, they call on their combined powers.

Now that Zordon is back, Rita attacks. Zordon tells them that if they destroy the monster, their parents will come back. They all morph and go fight the monster, which emits gas from its armpits. Eww. Everyone but Kimberly ends up under a spell.

Back at the Command Center, Tommy starts levitating and glowing green. This is never a good sign.

The Rangers are all apparently Zombies under the spell, and they start lumbering towards Kimberly yelling "attack the Pink Ranger." Tommy apparently is electrically charged, and that restored his powers? Whatever. Fish. He morphs and that causes a giant lightning storm that breaks the spell? I don't even know. I guess it's because he's the most special Ranger ever or whatever.

Rita makes the monster grow, and it really looks like a less hairy ROUS. They summon the Zords and it's suddenly night out. Good thing Billy fixed that powered by the sun flaw. I really want a Dragon Dagger. I hope they sell one in the new toy line. They summon Ultrazord and blow up the monster. Rita has a headache.

Back at the Command Center, we find out their parents have been freed. They're probably worried about where their kids are. Even if supposedly they remember nothing. We get warned that Tommy's powers could fail at any time, but he will remain a Power Ranger anyway. At the Youth Center, the Rangers hug their parents and tell them how much they love them. The thing with Kimberly's divorced parents was actually really sweet. And then she introduces them to Tommy.

Bulk and Skull decide to start a food fight. Everyone gets covered in pie. Ms. Applebee gets her revenge on the principal for not hiring another teacher by getting him. The Rangers make stand in the hallway and laugh.


Fish: 3.5 It does have Tommy, and the whole thing with his powers makes very little sense.

Covered in food: Did you see the part about the food fight?

Episode 49- Return of an Old Friend Part 1

So it's Parents Day... at the Youth Center? This appears to be a school function but isn't being held at school. Okay then. Jason's dad loses arm wrestling to Trini's dad. Billy's dad informs us that Billy is running late because he's busy with an experiment. Zack's dad is a nerd and his mom is adorable. Meanwhile, Skull is documenting Parents Day. Bulk and his entire family, overweight mom skinny dad, come in a little late. They appear to crash into the Youth Center, startling Ernie, who then sits down on a table and sends a cake flying. Of course, Bulk and his parents get covered in cake.

Kim's mom and step-dad show up looking for Kim, Kim's dad then walks in, and a random blonde girl says Kim is outside. Trini goes to get her.

Rita has come up with an awesome plan! She will kidnap the parents and expects the rangers to surrender in order to get their parents back. This is actually a good plan and I can see how it just might work.

Trini finds Kim outside all upset and worried about her mom and dad being there together. She doesn't think her dad will show up at all, but Trini reassures her they're both inside looking for her. Putties attack just as they have a touching moment. Zordon actually notices for a change and contacts Jason and Zack, who rush outside to help while Alpha contacts Billy.

I have to stop here and wonder something. There are massive windows on the Youth Center and nobody notices the rangers outside fighting? Ever?

Rita sends her Drammolemonster to tunnel under the Youth Center. It kidnaps all the parents.

Billy shows up late and wonders where everyone is. The floor cracks and smoke comes out, putting Billy under a spell. Rita tells him to bring her the Dragon Dagger, so he teleports to the Command Center. Billy is HAWT when he's evil (he calls Alpha "a poor excuse for a transistor radio"!) He takes the dagger and leaves to get it to Rita in the dark dimension.

The others finally notice their parents are missing. Jason contacts Zordon immediately! With the communicator! He remembered!!!!!! Way to go, Jason! They teleport to the Command Center and start flipping out. Zordon tells them to calm down and that their parents are safe for now. Trini asks about Billy and Zordon tells them he's under a spell, deactivated Alpha, and stole the Dragon Dagger. Trini reactivates Alpha, despite her uncertainty at her ability to do so.

They morph and go after Billy in the dark dimension. Goldar is there and taunts them, then sends putties after them. How in the world were they able to just teleport in like that? I thought this was supposed to be some kind of inescapable prison that they always manage to escape from after twenty minutes of angsting? Billy falls down and Goldar steps over him, not even taking the dagger. He's apparently trying to get to Jason, but Zack gets in the way, then Jason finally reaches him. They do seem to continue that unhealthy obsession with each other. Billy watches it all.

Goldar takes the dagger and the spell is broken. Billy freaks out, Jason reassures him, and Goldar mocks them. He then tells them they have until an hourglass runs down to hand over their power coins to get their parents back. They all manage to leave the dark dimension just as easily as they got in. Way to fail at inescapable prisons!

Goldar calls the DragonZord with the dagger. They summon Zords. We get the MegaZord. It's a freakishly long Zord sequence. They start to fight the DragonZord, run out of power, and then get thrown from the MegaZord pretty much immediately. That... was fast... and made no sense. Mmkay then. Goldar tells them to turn over their coins or lose their parents forever.

They contact Zordon, but he says he can't tell them what to do. Fail as a mentor! So they all hand over their coins, fearing for the safety of their parents. Did nobody stop to think that without the protection of the Power Rangers, everybody in Angel Grove would pretty much die anyway? Poor Billy feels incredibly guilty. Jason sounds medical-attention worthy constipated when he tells Goldar to give them their parents back. Goldar refuses, shuts the box, and leaves. Why are they so surprised? It's not like he's a truthful, trustworthy, honourable monster.

Zordon teleports them all to the Command Center and they have another little angsty freak out. Kim says Goldar has all the power coins and now what will they do? Jason says "Not all of them" and holds out the Green Ranger coin. We get a shot of Tommy walking into the Youth Center wondering where everyone is.

And then that wonderful "To Be Continued" flashes over a freeze-frame of Tommy.

List time!

4 fish. Just because of severe lack of logic.

Covered in food: Bulk, his mother, and his father

Episode 35- The Green Candle Part 2

Today on Power Rangers, Tommy tries his hand at being the Emo Ranger. He fails miserably, leaving that spot open to be claimed (quite successfully) at a later date.

We left off with a candle made of "special" wax burning down in Rita's Dark Dimension. It's going to steal Tommy's powers when it burns down completely. Nobody has thought to just blow it out.

In a matter of about five seconds of trying, Alpha has located the door to the dark dimension. Billy has also managed to somehow, in the span of said five seconds, build a machine that will create a portal that will take them through said door of the dark dimension. Okay then.

Jason and Tommy argue over who gets to go and Tommy eventually caves. There's a whole spiel about trusting your friends and stuff, but the dialogue is so awkward and the acting is so bad, I really kind of just glazed over during that part as a coping mechanism. Tommy wishes his friends good luck (after they've left, mind) in the most insanely melodramatic line of the series up to this point. Emo Ranger attempt? Emo Ranger FAIL.

So the five original rangers teleport to the park in the exact spot the putties kidnapped Tommy last time. Billy's machine is a molecular tracking machine and will follow the path of the molecules of the putties. Or something. It's ridiculous looking and works just like the third gym in Pokemon. Seriously.

Before they can activate it, however, Bulk and Skull climb an insanely steep hill that was never there before and has the most ridiculous sideways plants (seriously, sideways). They taunt the rangers a bit and even Billy tries to get in on the action. Zack gets Bulk to charge straight into a trash can which then rolls down said steep hill and Skull, in a moment of adorable sweetness, goes tumbling after of his own free will. He helps Bulk out of the trash can with great care and concern. Dawwwwww.

Meanwhile, Tommy has another over-dramatic conversation with Zordon about how he knows Jason will save him, except Jason totally won't. Emo Ranger attempt 2, Emo Ranger FAIL 2. He then has to go fight the Cyclops monster all on his very own because the original team mission is too important to pull them away... and the whole Cyclops thing is totally a distraction anyway. Tommy's use of 'git' instead of 'get' really irritated me this scene, but all is forgiven when he says "It's Morphin Time!" because he says it with such unbridled enthusiasm. He's much better at the call than Jason.

So Tommy calls on the DragonZord and fights Cyclops, who has taken the form of the MegaZord. It's mostly just filler, but Cyclops at one point shoots a laser out of his eye and we squee like the hopeless fangirls we are. If only it had been red...

Anyway, back at the park, Billy gets his invention all lined up, they activate it, and Jason goes through. Alas, he finds Goldar guarding the Green Candle which sparks ominously. They have a bit of a fight and really, we think Goldar just wants to grope Jason inappropriately. Jason may not be entirely against this because, well, he doesn't even try to morph... he just kind of dances around.

I'm curious here, though. The portal closed behind him so how is he supposed to get back? When the scene goes back to the park, the others are just standing around with inactive poles of whatever it is that Billy invented. And they expect Jason to come back how? I don't even know, but they have to reactivate it so Zack can go through and rescue his boyfriend because Jason is taking way too long to just grab a candle and run. Zack tells Jason they have the choice of getting the candle and saving Tommy's powers, or going back and fighting to save Tommy's life. Goldar just... lets them go? What? I don't... what? He lets them choose and just... walk out. Um... FAIL!

The original five morph and join the battle. They immediately summon Titanus to form the UltraZord, knock out Cyclops, and then teleport to... the Command Center? What? Why not just go back to the park to go through the portal to get the candle? I don't even know.

But it doesn't matter because mid-fight the candle burnt out anyway. Tommy is still morphed, however. The candle, tied to his POWERS, is burnt OUT and Tommy is STILL a ranger. Zordon convinces Tommy to surrender his power coin to Jason as it's apparently the only way to save himself. Jason then acquires the gold foamy-looking shield and Dragon Dagger. And Tommy is STILL MORPHED. What the hell, show? No really? You've driven me to foul language, show, and that just saddens me. So the POWER that was supposed to be GONE when the candle BURNT OUT is now with Jason. And it doesn't go away and it doesn't turn him evil and it doesn't do anything. And Tommy, finally, force demorphs. It's about damn time. He attempts to be Emo Ranger again and, because he desperately needs some acting lessons, FAILS yet again. Attempt and fail 3.

About one day later, Kim finds Tommy in the park. Tommy is showing off some of his moves, per usual. They have a very sad and emotional (Emo Ranger attempt 4, Emo Ranger FAIL 4) conversation in which we discover everybody misses Tommy a lot. Kim especially misses him. Uh, guys? It's been, like, a day. You go to the same school. You have ALL the same classes (as it's not like his schedule changed as soon as he lost his power or anything). HOW IN THE WORLD can you miss him THAT much???

Tommy is overcome with emotion. He leans in, kisses Kimberly in the first on-the-lips-intended-for-romance kiss of the show, and then they act all happy and relieved. He asks her to the dance, she freaks him out by turning away, and then says of course she will. It's just painful to watch.

List time!

Fish: 5. FIVE fish. We gave it five because that's our max limit, but really this episode deserved 87.

No Billy speak

Nobody covered in food either, though Bulk ends up rolling down a hill in a trash can.

Episode 34 - The Green Candle - Part 1

I am back from Dragon*con! I'm sorry for missing Saturday's recap, but I was busy having a fabulous time at the con. I went to a lot of panels including one where I talked about writing power rangers porn, and I did some shopping including buying two seasons of Power Rangers and basically I had a wonderful time. But now I am home, and mostly recovered, and it is time for a recap!

I've got to say, watching Power Rangers on the tv is so much better than watching it on youtube. Anyway, we open with Tommy and Zack sparring. Tommy is wearing the universe's most ridiculous shirt, although it is way better than some of his other outfits, and Zack has on those purple pants again. For some reason, Zack is encouraging Tommy to ask out Kimberly. Doesn't he know what will happen to her personality? And also, wait, they seriously aren't dating yet? Huh. (Also, the board that Tommy breaks during this conversation was clearly already broken.)

Meanwhile, on the moon, Rita has a new plan to defeat the Power Rangers. Or at least get rid of Tommy. Apparently she has a candle made out of magic wax that will make him join her forever! She pulls out a tiny version of her wand and places it over a map of something that is definitely not California (seriously, Angel Grove is its own country) and tells it to locate Tommy.

While Rita is discussing her plans, Tommy is failing at sparring. Zack's cunning plan was to distract Tommy with thoughts of Kimberly! Tommy tells Zack that if it is so easy to ask someone out, why doesn't he try. Zack tries to impress Angela, and gets shot down, and I laugh a lot. Not that I'd be able to resist Zack. Oh, Zack, you can dance for me any time.

Bulk and Skull make fun of Tommy and Zack, reciting bad poetry about how no girl would ever go out with them. Then there is supposed wackiness that involves Bulk and Skull falling over and Zack and Tommy laugh at them, but seriously, why is it not season 2 yet so we can get some character development for those two?

Kimberly and Tommy are walking through the park. Tommy has changed shirts, but now the green of the shirt clashes with the green of his pants, so I'm not sure this is an improvement. Kim has a leotard on under her dress. (Look, there were some awesome cosplayers at the con, I am in a pay attention to the clothing type of place.) Tommy has just started to ask Kim a question, after a really awkward "Can I ask you a question?" "You can ask me anything, we're friends, right?" type conversation, when putties show up. Yay for cockblocking putties! As long as the one being cockblocked is Tommy, anyway.

There is a seriously awesome unmorphed fight scene, except somehow Kim's morpher gets dropped. Goldar shows up and takes Tommy to the dark dimension, and seriously, Kimberly is right there and has been separated from her morpher, and they just leave her? I know Rita is obsessed with Tommy, but I thought the point was to try and get rid of all the Rangers eventually. Evil is seriously dumb.

So Tommy is trapped in the Dark Dimension, with Kimberly still in the park screaming for Tommy, and Rita has apparently had Finster create a monster called Cyclops. I am really sad that it isn't Scott Summers. (You have no idea how badly I want the Power Rangers to fight the X-Men. I totally wrote a ridiculous AU fanfic where Billy and Kimberly turned out to be mutants when I was 11. It was awesome.) Instead the monster is a shape shifter with one eye. Not nearly as cool or as hardcore as Scott Summers.

After Tommy has been kidnapped, Zordon apparently managed to pay attention and the original five Rangers are in the Command Center, trying to locate the Dark Dimension. Seriously, didn't they manage to locate it during the Green With Evil Saga? Serious Zordon Fail.

Anyway, as they try to come up with a plan, the Dragon Zord starts attacking Angel Grove. Of course, since we were just told that Rita had a shape shifting monster 30 seconds ago, it is clearly not the Dragon Zord. Plus, Zordon says that it doesn't appear to be the Zord.

Tommy and Goldar are fighting, and there isn't nearly as much inappropriate Goldar/Tommy subtext as there is Goldar/Jason. Goldar has to go leave for some reason, so he uses the worst special effects ever to bind Tommy's hands, and Tommy just stands there, because apparently if your hands are in shackles you can't move at all or try to blow out the damn candle or whatever. (They keep stressing that when the candle burns down Tommy will work for Rita. Now, if they mean that the candle has to go out, that is one thing. But why not just blow out the damn candle so it doesn't burn down? Or else be more clear. Seriously, episode.) Tommy is seriously useless.

The other Rangers summon the Zords in the longest sequence ever, and my roommate walks into the room and says "Look! It's Voltron!" and then I miss most of the fight scene to try and explain the difference.

Goldar comes back and Tommy manages to steal his sword and teleport back to the park. Seriously? How does he know how to use that magic? I don't even know what is with that. Tommy tries to call his zord, but apparently his powers are weakening already or something. They don't quite defeat the Cyclops, because it will totally be back next episode. Whatever.

At the Command Center, Alpha is scanning Tommy, because apparently you can be damaged crossing dimensions. Did they scan Jason when he came back from the Dark Dimension? I'm pretty sure they did not. Jason remembers Rita's Dark Dimension as being a bad place, and I cannot stop giggling. There's a bullshit explanation for how the candle works, but basically Tommy touched the wax or something while he worked for Rita and that is how they are going to make him evil again. Everyone is very sad, and they're going to have to get the candle back.

To be continued, but not until tomorrow.


Fish: 3.5. It isn't quite as out there, but the logic about how the candle works, and leaving Kim behind like that is pretty bad.

Billy speak: "He's scanning Tommy for internal damage due to crossing dimensions."

Nobody gets covered in food, but Bulk nearly chokes on his own jacket. I don't even know.

Episode 19 - Green With Evil Part 3 - The Rescue

Previously, on Power Rangers. Tommy is evil. Goldar is trying to kill Jason.

Villains on this show have a serious problem with monologuing. We get it, Goldar, you want to taunt Jason about how you're going to kill him. Stop, alright? Also, waving your sword around like that has some symbolism we're not quite sure the show intended, but we still would like some fanfic. Jason manages to escape certain death by rolling out of the way and hiding in the smoke, although we don't know what took him so long.

Rita has decided that she doesn't have quite enough minions, so she's going to bring in Scorpina. This is awesome! We love Scorpina. Okay, the reason I love Scorpina is because she totally asks Adam to the Sadie Hawkins Dance far in the future, but I would probably like the character anyway. Scorpina has apparently been trapped in a pulsating rock that is covered with scorpions for the last 10,000 years, but we're glad to see her.

Meanwhile, the Rangers are still trying to find Zordon, but they fail. The Command Center keeps losing power, and Billy keeps saying things that are vaguely technical but aren't quite up to anything that we can term Billy speak, which is sad. I guess that Kimberly finally got to him. Jason is still missing, and they're getting concerned, so they go look for him.

Apparently go look for him is code for Kimberly going to the Youth Center to ask Ernie if she's seen Jason. He hasn't, and he wonders if Jason is okay. Bulk and Skull volunteer to help Kimberly look, and they promise they'll work cheap, for kisses. Kimberly agrees, and Ernie stares at her like she's lost her mind, and Kimberly tells Skull to close his eyes. He puckers up, leans in, Kimberly moves out of the way and Skull kisses Bulk on the cheek. I'm torn on my reaction to this. First, I do ship Bulk/Skull. But the fact that both boys act totally disgusted by the kiss bothers me. I mean, it is in character for Bulk and Skull, but I really hate the idea of modeling to tiny children that kissing someone of the same gender is disgusting.

Kimberly bumps into Tommy, and asks him if he's seen Jason. He says that Jason was supposed to show up at school to meet him (and I'm still unclear as to when they actually set up this meeting) but Jason never made it. He continues to mock Kimberly, and she looks really hurt. Zack shows up, and Tommy blows them both off, and Zack asks what's with him, to which Kimberly replies that Tommy is acting really strangely.

Which... look, Kimberly. You had all of one conversation with Tommy before he was placed under the spell. You really have no basis for comparison. I'm not quite sure why Kimberly thinks that she knows him based off a three minute conversation when everything since then has been him treating her horribly, and the whole thing really bothers me.

Zack also says that he knows that Jason was at school, so they decide to go chase down Tommy and ask him about it. Apparently he's made it all the way to the park at this point, and the two Rangers are immediately set upon by putties. They fight and win, and then in a conversation that makes absolutely no sense, they wonder why Tommy wasn't attacked. Well, Tommy isn't a Ranger as far as they know, so if it was a choice between attacking a civilian or trying to kill them, who do they THINK Rita would pick? Internal logic FAIL. I'm not sure why this is supposed to be suspicious, but they think it is. I blame the school system.

Goldar is going around through the smoke, trying to stab Jason, who he can't locate. Jason finally gets up, and lets out a yell, which totally defeats the purpose of a surprise attack, and then he nearly gets his ass kicked again. Evil Green Ranger shows up and tells Goldar that now Jason is his toy, so Goldar should go and play with Scorpina. Not in those exact words, but that's the implication anyway. Jason tries to tell Tommy that if he's a true ranger, he'll join them because Rita is evil. Seriously, Tommy had to be rolling his eyes at that, since his response is basically "So am I." Jason gets knocked back down to the ground, and he's about to get skewered, when Billy manages to teleport him out. It's a really good thing that the villains on the show like to talk, because otherwise Jason would be dead.

Goldar yells at Tommy for taking too long to kill Jason, and confines him to the Dark Dimension, while the Rangers discuss what's going on. Apparently Jason has a lot to tell them about the Green Ranger, including that he's "one mean fighter." We'd be surprised that it took this long to figure that out, but they aren't very smart.

Scorpina is attacking the warehouse district of Angel Grove, and how much do we love that Angel Grove has a warehouse district? We assume the insurance companies set it up so that something relatively inexpensive would get destroyed. For some reason Goldar pulls Scorpina out of the fight, even though she's winning, and all of the minions have a giant argument over who should get to defeat the Rangers. We aren't sure why Rita doesn't just send all of them, but apparently that doesn't occur to her. Rita is apparently preparing for a final battle, where she'll cause an eclipse to block the solar power of the Megazord. Huh? What? The Megazord is powered by the sun? Why doesn't she just attack at night then?

As Scorpina was teleported out, the Rangers regroup in the Command Center again, and they still can't get a lock on Zordon. The episode ends with us discovering that Goldar has attacked the downtown area, and the team wonders if it's a trap. Gee, I wonder?

Fish: 3.5 At this point, they're just introducing random elements and seeing what sticks. Some of the elements are more ridiculous than others.

Billy speak: We're worried we're going to have to abandon this category, because while Billy is still using a large vocabulary, it's stopped requiring translations.

Fanfic people should write us: Goldar/Jason. Also, Goldar/Scorpina who totally have a thing. Oh, and why does Angel Grove have a warehouse district?

Episode 18- Green With Evil Part 2- Jason's Battle

I'll be the first to admit, this is the only storyline involving Tommy I actually like. But this episode? It has some glaring issues.

We start out in the Command Center with Jason ranting about the Green Ranger and wanting to get his hands on him. He says that a lot, actually. Euphemism? The world may never know.

Billy is using something large, silver, and flashy in an attempt to fix Alpha. Poor Alpha's back is open and all his wires are exposed. Trini is concerned but Billy assures her Alpha feels no pain. They switch tactics and suddenly Alpha is fixed. Billy used a subatomic manipulator. Why that fixed fried circuits we don't know. Kim looks concerned from the sidelines and Zack either hugs her, cops a feel, or does both. It's too dark to tell.

We then see Tommy in an alley looking evil. Bulk and Skull stumble upon him and decide he needs to be taught a lesson. They ran away terrified at school, but somehow going after him in an alley is less scary? Bulk says nobody insults him, but we figure that can't be right as the Rangers insult him all the time without retaliation. Tommy scares them once again and they get tossed in a dumpster. Tommy, glowing green eyes and shooting lasers is really not the way to keep your secret identity, y'know, secret. Now, we're not sure why he even needs to keep his identity a secret, but Rita commanded it and so he does. It doesn't make much sense, and he kind of fails at doing it anyway, but there you have it.

Jason and Zack spend some time with a punching bag in the Youth Center and I am momentarily distracted by Jason's arms. He has really really nice arms. Soooo pretty. Anyway, moving on, I tune back in and realize they are talking about Zordon in the middle of the Youth Center. Really guys? There are other people around and they can hear you. It is decided that the Green Ranger MAY BE working for Rita... maybe. I want to slam my head against a brick wall. These are supposed to be intelligent people. I don't get how they only now came to this conclusion. Must be the appalling lack of quality education in Angel Grove again. Once again Jason wants to get his hands on the Green Ranger. Get a new euphemism, Jason. This one is already getting old.

At school, Kim approaches Tommy to find out why he stood her up. She's all sweet about it and he's really cruel to her. Poor girl runs off nearly in tears, but I have to give her a lot of credit for getting a dig in at him before she left. Good girl.

We then learn Tommy must pass a test. Rita has a weapon for him, the Sword of Darkness. She pinched it off Zordon ages ago and has been waiting for the right person to wield it. It will also keep Tommy under her spell because apparently she can't do that herself. Tommy, in a ridiculous shirt made of green netting, goes to take his test on the beach. His test is... he must beat some putties. That's it. Just a small handful, four or five, of putties. Not that he hasn't already handled four putties on his own or anything. Obviously he passes the test with flying colours and is welcomed to the club of evil. Literally, welcomed, with the line "Welcome to the club, Bucko". Mmmkay.

Tommy ends up back in school where Jason has been wandering the halls searching for him. Finally finding him on the steps, he regretfully informs Tommy he cannot work out with him that afternoon as promised, that something important had come up. Tommy says it's fine, he understands, in a very wispy not-at-all serious voice. Jason apparently can't read body language, however, and turns to walk away. Tommy's eyes glow green again and he shoots a really big beam of green light down the hallway, capturing Jason in a dark dimension. Nobody else seems to notice. Again, not really the best way to uphold that secret identity.

Jason can't make the communicator work. First of all, Billy hasn't fixed them yet, but beyond that, they just don't work in Rita's dark dimension. That's kind of a duh. I mean, what good would it do her if all her captives could contact their friends? He reaches for his morpher when he discovers Goldar in the cell with him, but his morpher is gone. Goldar has taken it. Where in those tight tight pants Jason was hiding his morpher, I'm not entirely sure. I'm assuming some kind of pocket dimension is involved.

Meanwhile, Zack and Kim are waiting at Billy's garage for Jason. He was supposed to meet them but hasn't shown up. Kim is very concerned and sitting on the Radbug waiting. Zack is relaxed and not at all worried. Instead of showing his concern for his missing friend when there is an evil Green Ranger running around trying to destroy you, Zack is confident that Jason is just fine and they should go to the Command Center without him. Kim finally caves and they leave in the Radbug.

Billy and Trini, still in the same clothes from the previous day, have almost finished putting the Command Center back together. It seems they worked all night and all through the school day. Poor guys, they must be exhausted! Nobody seems concerned for their well-being, however, and instead push Billy to fix more faster.

Back in the dark dimension, Goldar brings Jason to his knees. Literally. They battle some and we discover that Goldar is there because Rita gave Jason to him. Rita GAVE Jason to Goldar. I thought this was supposed to be a kids show (but now we both really want Jason/Goldar fic... we're so bad, we know).

Kim, Zack, and an exhausted Billy and Trini must morph and go fight once Billy gets the viewing globe functioning again and they discover the Green Ranger waiting for them. They kind of fail against him and so call their Zords. For some reason, the Tyrannosaurus shows up and they form the MegaZord. I don't know how or why. I was under the impression the Zords needed to be driven and, lacking the fifth member of the team, they would lack the fifth Zord. But whatever. Tommy at least attempts to fight the MegaZord on his own, without a Zord or growing or anything. He's got chutzpah, I'll give him that.

We end the episode in the dark dimension with Jason insulting Goldar, Goldar retorting with a painfully longer than necessary reply, and then Goldar knocking Jason down. Jason doesn't even try to get up while Goldar monologues and we get the To Be Continued. Ooooo ominous.

List!

This gets 4 fish because a lot of it didn't make sense. Billy and Trini single handedly fix the Command Center without sleeping, presumably eating, and while skipping school. Yet they appear to be perfectly happy and content to keep plugging away. Robots, or it doesn't make sense. There is also Zord formation without all team members, Jason's really bad euphemisms, Jason/Goldar non-con, and the disturbing lack of logic applied (or rather not, in this case) by all parties.

Billy speak: None of note

Covered in food: Bulk ends up with a banana peal on him in the dumpster, if that can really count.

Episode 2 - High Five

Well. We vanished off the face of the Earth, didn't we? Sorry about that. Things called 'the flu' and 'graduate school' got in the way for a while. But we're back with another recap.

Our first individual episode spotlights Trini and her fear of heights. We find this ridiculous, considering that according to Day of the Dumpster Trini is supposed to be fearless. Of course, we can't really blame Trini for being nervous - there is a distinct lack of mats under that rope, and we would be scared that we would fall. On the other hand, we also appreciate the entire rope sequence, because Jason has really nice arms. Also, we are fond of Jason wrapping his legs around Billy's head. And they said this show is for kids. Really.

This episode (yet again) functions to show exactly how mean the Rangers are to Bulk and Skull in this first season. Seriously, Kimberly, telling them to "crawl back to the ooze they came from"? That was uncalled for. You're supposed to be a role model. Please stop. Zack isn't much better, with his "if the rope fits" response to Bulk asking if he was stupid. We also cannot deal with the fat jokes. While Bulk doesn't get covered in food this episode, he ends up trying to climb the rope and pulls down the ceiling. What is that about?

We get a lot of backstory in this episode. We learn that Rita is responsible for trapping Zordon in the timewarp. We also learn that Billy is a super genius who tries to build a wrist watch cell phone but accidentally makes it teleport. Clearly he hasn't been doing anything but playing around with the Command Center tech since they got their powers.

We also wish that Alpha would never use slang again, because him calling the Rangers 'homeboys' and talking about 'the hood' just makes us sad. Partially because we know that it means that Alpha Six is coming, and also because it is just painful to watch.

We love Finster on this blog. We love his collection of monsters, already made. We love how Rita coos over them, and we also think the clay monsters are incredibly cute. However, apparently Rita only wants them to be gruesome and ugly. This possibly explains Goldar and Rito. We also think that they are really easy to beat, and we wonder if Finster was secretly sabotaging Rita from the beginning. Because the Rangers are still fairly pathetic at this point. Of course, Rita herself isn't helping matters, because her plans make absolutely no sense. What sort of plan requires a toy space shuttle and why are people running in terror as it slowly rolls down the street? (Side note - we liked the appearance of the monorail, mostly because we have fond memories of the first movie. And by the first movie, we mean Ivan Ooze.)

Meanwhile, in the Command Center, Zordon fails to notice that Rita is planning something. Rita knows everything that happens to the Rangers, but Zordon doesn't even notice that she launches a toy spaceship towards Earth. He needs to invest in better surveillance equipment. Not that we don't love the viewing globe.

Speaking of things we love yet find ridiculous - Zack's pants. And Jason's shorts. AMAZING.

We also love that it is still so early in the show that they are worried by putties. Of course, this is still so early in the show that Billy cannot handle himself at *all* so Trini needs to rescue him. We're okay with this, because we want Trini and Billy to be together forever. We do love that Trini overcomes her fear of heights to rescue Billy, because she loves him. We do think that Billy needs to not drop his communicator in the middle of a battle though. That is ridiculous. (Also ridiculous - the spinning kick of people being held between other people's thighs. But it looked cool.)

Things that will never get old - the ridiculous poses the Rangers do after they morph. More of this please. We also meet the actual monster - Bones, a skeleton. Who apparently controls a time warp and a dark dimension, yet notably not the same dark dimension that Tommy will... well, we'll get to Tommy eventually. We liked this monster though. Skeletons that can pull themselves back together are automatically awesome. Especially one who has his own henchman and secondary monster? Or did they just use a different costume after the monster grew? We weren't really sure, and honestly, neither of us cared enough to rewatch it.

Speaking of what happens when the monster grows - why did they only summon Tyrannosaurus? I mean, it was cool to watch Jason beat the monster by himself, but we miss the other Zords. Plus, as this is technically a Trini-centric episode, we feel that Trini should have been the one to beat the monster.

We do like the town getting to know the Rangers, but we wonder how Ernie knew they were called the Power Rangers. Does the theme music play during the actual battles? Or do the rangers hold press conferences?

Lastly, we think Zack is cruel scaring Trini up that rope. With friends like them, who needs enemies?



List time!
Ranger facts: Teleportation is only supposed to be used in an emergency. Excuse us while we FALL OVER LAUGHING.

Covered in food: None! But Bulk gets covered in the ceiling.

Billy speak: I finally completed a narrow beam transmission module that will allow wave function over an extended interval.
Trini translation: He's created a communication device using microwaves.

Billy speak: They respond to tactile pressure followed by auditory stimulus
Trini translation: So what you're saying is that we just touch and talk like this

Billy speak: "The neutrino power grid must have cross-molecularized."
Trini translation: Sorry, we didn't get one! How would you translate that?

Rating 3 fish. It would be 4, but we're giving it a pass since it's an early episode.