Episode 359 - The Fifth Crystal

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Anyway, we are updating again without a super long hiatus? The world must be ending. Or something.

So we open with Vypra Mission Impossible Style hijjinks, including some music that is designed to evoke that particular feeling. It's all very dark, and I feel like somewhere the Leverage team is probably laughing their asses off. Man, I love Leverage. Anyway, Vypra steals some funky looking crystal, which is apparently the fourth one, and she looks very pleased with herself.

One of the monsters gives some exposition about how they need one more crystal and then they can destroy all the things. Cue themesong. (Which is still awesome.)

Back at the Aquabase, apparently the Rangers are going to investigate stolen crystals. Carter is totally confused, because um, they aren't the cops. But some special agent shows up to explain that they are starlight crystals, and only 5 of them exist in the world. They.... look vaguely like dilithium crystals. Dana is all "how are we going to find it?" but Kelsey tells them her grandmother has the last one. Apparently she hasn't spoken to her grandmother in years, because they don't get along. Her grandmother was apparently super awesome as a young woman, but now she apparently only cares about money.

Her grandmother is very stuck up, and assumes that Kelsey is only there to get money. Although to be fair, if you show up at a rich woman's house and are all "hey, I need some help" I... don't really blame you. Kelsey and Carter do a very bad job of explaining why they need the crystal. I love her grandmother a little bit. Her grandmother gives her the "this is super important to me" speech, and agrees to give Kelsey the crystal anyway. Kelsey promises to keep it safe. I sense disaster.

So they are transporting the crystal to... somewhere? With Kelsey handcuffed to the suitcase containing it. Vypra shows up in her car of doom and sends Batlings to over run the van. Kelsey uses the suitcase as a WEAPON, which is one of the most moronic things that Rangers have ever used as weapons, and Vypra then cuts  the handcuff off Kelsey, and takes the crystal. Luckily, this is when the Rangers all show up, and Carter manages to get all five crystals. Vypra and the Batlings vanish.

The Rangers hand the crystals off to the special agent, but its really the monster, who runs off with all the crystals. Kelsey's grandmother gives Kelsey the "I couldn't be more disappointed in you" speech. Carter then gives the grandmother the "all the money in the world can't buy you a decent personality" speech, and Kelsey starts crying about how all she ever wanted was for her grandmother to love her, and then she starts blaming herself. The grandmother (who frankly is allowed to be upset with them for losing her crystal) watches from the window.

Somehow Kelsey sees batlings driving around on a truck, and she rollerblades after them, and makes one of the most impossible jumps in the history of power rangers. They then go to an army base and nobody has noticed that Kelsey snuck in. They are not very smart.

Back in demon world, Queen Bansheera gives orders to Olympius and Loki to keep the Rangers from interfering. At Aquabase, Carter is looking for Kelsey. And then the alarm goes off.

Kelsey is still spying on the monsters at the abandoned warehouse/army base and the crystals are powering up the warp core, and then Kelsey gets noticed. There's a fight on rollerblades, which is awesome. I want Jubilee and Kelsey to be BFF now. They would totally get along. All the batlings fire at Kelsey, but she outskates them, but eventually she gets caught and they pull her rollerblades off her feet.

The other Rangers are on their way to rescue Kelsey when they notice Olympius, and there's a fight. And a really nice shot of Carter's ass. And also Chad gets pinned to the ground and starts moaning. This is totally relevant.

So the laser warp core is being moved into position, when ACTION GRANDMA comes to the rescue. Man, now I ship ACTION GRANDMA with Grandma Matchmaker. Or at least I want them to go and talk about their granddaughters the yellow rangers. And how they totally saved them. Because seriously. Old ladies being awesome! ACTION GRANDMA totally drives a forklift into the laser and laughs maniacally, and it is GREAT. Seriously, I think she is my favorite ever. The warp core laser explodes and the crystal is destroyed.

Kelsey asks what her grandmother is doing, and ACTION GRANDMA says she came to get the most precious thing in the world. Kelsey thinks her grandmother means the crystal, but it is OBVIOUSLY Kelsey.

Kelsey then heads over to help the other Rangers fight Olympius while ACTION GRANDMA is all "I'll be fine." She's probably destroying an entire army of Batlings herself. Anyway, the Rangers summon weapons and fight monsters and stuff happens, I guess. The monster gives the "you'll pay for ruining my plan" defeat flag, so Kelsey kicks his ass. They destroyed the monster without it growing.

The Rangers are all discussing what happened, and how Kelsey is sad because her grandmother will never forgive her. But Kelsey shows up on rollerblades to say that she is going on a picnic with someone. And ACTION GRANDMA appears, also on rollerblades. None of the Rangers want to go on the picnic with them, and ACTION GRANDMA calls them chickens. They do fun rollerblading stunts together and skate off.

THIS WAS SO GREAT WHY ISN'T LIGHTSPEED LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME???

Fish: 3. The science makes no sense, but WHATEVER. ACTION GRANDMA.

Fic we want: GRANDMA MATCHMAKER/ACTION GRANDMA. Or at least them hanging out and being awesome together. SERIOUSLY.

Episode 349 - From Deep in the Shadows

Power Rangers Megaforce on Saturday at 1 pm on Nick! You've all seen the promos, right? RIGHT? Because if not, you should go watch them immediately.

Anyway! We are up to the start of the best part of Lightspeed. (Yes, yes, feel free to argue with me. But I love this!) And this was the part of the season that actually made me interested in LR the first time I was watching. In fact, this was the only part I watched on TV when it was originally airing. (And the kids I babysat for totally had it on tape, and I watched it a lot with them. Priorities, I have them.)

So! Today, on Power Rangers, we get the first of the US only Power Rangers! Titanium Ranger, here we come!

We start at the Aquabase, where Joel is late again. Carter is being hooked up to all sorts of devices, including a new morpher, and everything is Super Serious. And Carter looks super hot. (Totally relevant.)

Carter dramatically touches the morpher and calls out "Titanium Power!" and then we get all sorts of wacky mad science effects, and he appears to be in pain, and show, if you'd like to linger more on his face, I'd be okay with that. Anyway, he manages to sustain a morph for a second, and everyone is super concerned about him. (Also, look, I know its the US's first time trying to design suits, but that thing is FUGLY.)

Later, Captain Mitchell and Ms. Fairweather discuss whether to continue testing the Titanium Powers. Ms. Fairweather says its too powerful for an ordinary human. Captain Mitchell agrees, but says it would have been fantastic. He then locks the morpher up in a safe.

Then, we get a dramatic shot of him staring at a photograph, and then Dana brings in a birthday cake! They have the most adorable relationship. We then find out that she has a big brother who would have been 20 today, and they blow out the candles in his honor, and I have ALL THE FEELINGS. Dana says that they wish for the same thing - that the car crash had never happened and that Ryan was still there. Captain Mitchell has a sad, and then says his wish is that Dana always knows that he loves her. BEST FATHER AND DAUGHTER EVER.

Then we get a series of jaws sound effects, and someone comes into the base. DUN DUN DUN. Everything is very dark and ominous. The mystery person makes their way through the base, and into the Captain's office. He breaks into the safe (and really, you leave the keys in a drawer? Without doing anything else?) and also glares at the photo of Captain Mitchell with his two children. Mystery person takes the morpher!

In the morning, Vypra is all "and now we destroy Mariner Bay!" and stuff starts blowing up. The Lightspeed team goes to investigate, and they start fighting. (She would be so much better if she just didn't speak. I'm sorry, but the actress is.... so not good.) The team threatens her, and then she's like "Fuck y'all, have the TITANIUM RANGER." His appearance is super dramatic and fucking AWESOME, even if that is still the ugliest suit design.

Evil!Ranger is all "I'm your worst nightmare" and the Captain finally realizes the morpher has been stolen. Sorry, Captain Awesome, you lost some points there for failure.

Anyway, evil!Ranger kicks their asses and its an absolutely great fight, and all American footage! I CANNOT STRESS HOW AWESOME I THINK THIS IS. Anyway, evil Ranger turns their weapons against them, and EVERYTHING HERE IS SO GREAT. Evil!Ranger has a great evil laugh. I APPROVE SO HARD.

Captain Awesome orders them to retreat, and the team does. Everyone is all "WTF."

Back on the base, everyone is so confused as to what is going on. The Captain tells them they need to get the power back and fast. Meanwhile, the villains are being all smug about how they're going to win. Either the Rangers will be destroyed, or they will run, and either way they get the city. Diabolico is so happy to get his homeland back.

Later, in the city, everyone keeps repeating that its too quiet. And then Chad notices something weird, because he is the smartest.  Evil Ranger is back, and we get a gratuitous ass shot (not that I'm complaining) and when asked who he is, the Titanium Ranger says "it doesn't matter any more." BECAUSE HE HAS ISSUES AND I LOVE HIM.

They fight again, Titanium continues to win, and SERIOUSLY, HAVE I STRESSED HOW AWESOME THIS IS? Ms. Fairweather is busy creating something, and she says she hasn't finished testing it, but sends it out anyway. New toys! The V Lancers! They look ridiculous, but whatever. With the new toy they start to win the fight. The toys do a few new things, and they shoot him and he gets knocked down, but he gets up again. And the helmet opens, and we see that he's human, and Captain Mitchell let's out a "no."

The Rangers are about to shoot him, when Captain Mitchell orders them not to fire. Everyone is like "but we can get him!" and he tells them again not to shoot. And then the captain is all "please don't shoot." The team leaves, even though Titanium is all "I AM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET."

The Rangers are all "WTF, Captain." And then he says "because he's my son."

Oh, Dana, what a way to find out that your brother is alive.

SERIOUSLY, HOW IS THIS SO GREAT??????

Fish: 1.5 THIS IS SO GREAT. (But seriously, that is the worst security EVER.)

Episode 263 - Grandma Matchmaker

Oh hey! DragonCon is this weekend! If you happen to be at the con, I'll be on the Power Rangers Samurai panel, Friday at 4!

Right, so this episode. Everyone I've spoken to (hey, Mark!) has gone all "UGH, I AM SO SORRY" but... Ashley and Carlos go on a date. I can't hate this episode.

UM, I HAVE MENTIONED I SHIP ASHLEY/CARLOS, RIGHT?

We open in the park, when a taxi pulls up, and a woman in the most hideous outfit ever gets out. Seriously, green overalls, and a pink hat, and watermelon earings? She's Ashley's grandmother, who apparently takes fashion lessons from Claudia Kishi. She has a file with her that apparently contains info on Ashley's future husband.

Did I mention that the grandmother is a HORRIBLE ACTRESS?

Anyway, I don't actually have a problem with matchmaking plots, because.... seriously, most fanficcy trope ever, y/y? And frankly, Ashley's grandma is TOTALLY a Jewish grandmother. Seriously, I know her. I do find it a little creepy that her grandma is talking about kids while Ashley is in high school. (Okay, maybe not a Jewish grandmother - she's not pushing food on her.)

Ashley decides to get out of it by introducing Carlos as her boyfriend, and grandma immediately starts molesting him. She is so creepy.

LOOK, I DON'T EVEN CARE BECAUSE ASHLEY AND CARLOS ARE GOING TO GO ON A DATE AND MY SHIPPER HEART IS DELIGHTED.

Communicators go off, and Ashley and Carlos try to run off, but grandma follows them to ask about drink options. Meanwhile, the other Rangers are getting their butts kicked by a monster who lays really bad eggs. They destroy the monster, but she's laid her eggs all over the city.

Carlos is all "look, we can't just PRETEND forever" and TJ is all "SURE, GET MARRIED." TJ understands.

Carlos tells Ashley's grandmother the truth, and Grandma clearly sees that they are MFEO, so she decides they should go on a first date. The other Rangers think this is HILARIOUS, but to be fair, if someone tried to force me into those shirts, I would agree. They go to an amusement park with the other Rangers spying on them, and grandma constantly calling to interrupt and give bad advice and insist that they hold hands.

Also, she makes them share a milkshake.

LOOK, I AM JUST SAYING, THIS SHOULD END WITH CARLOS POINTING OUT THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO PRETEND BECAUSE HE REALLY DOES LOVE HER, AND THEN THEY MAKE OUT.

Anyway, the date gets interrupted by the bugs hatching and starting to eat the whole city, including BUILDINGS. Ashley's grandma refuses to leave without Ashley, so Ashley leaves with her while the others Morph to take care of the plague of locusts.

The weapons are eaten by the bugs, and clearly the bugs should be hanging out with Pudgy Pig. The bugs all combine into one monster which starts to beat them, so Alpha calls her to hurry up. Ashley calls out at her grandma for smothering her, and a random cop selects Ashley and her grandmother to escort out of the chaos, ignoring all the other people running around. Ashley shoves her grandmother at the cop and heads off to the battle, but grandma is not having it, so she flips the cop and steals his car.

You go, badass grandma!

Ashley is about to get beaten by the monster, when grandma hits him with a cop car. She tries to do it again but has somehow lost control of the car and... I don't even know. This stopped making sense a long time ago.

Grandma is all apologetic about interfering but Ashley tells her that no, she's great, and wonderful and she has a grandma just like her, and she wouldn't want her any other way. Ashley then defeats the monster, which grows after and we get a fight scene or whatever. The bugs try to eat the zord, so the new toy is summoned to shoot the bugs off them. Whatever. They they punch the bugs. The end.

As everyone carries grandma's stuff to the cab, we discover that grandma is now matchmaking for Adelle.

Fish: 4.

Fic we want: GEE, I WONDER IF THERE SHOULD BE ASHLEY/CARLOS OR SOMETHING.

Episode 249 - Chase Into Space - Part 1

So Justin is getting his dad ready for some important interview or whatever, and his dad is a giant failbot who can't even remember his briefcase. We spend a while trying to remember when the hell his dad came back. You can tell how little we cared.

Meanwhile, Divatox is really excited that apparently the most powerful monster in the universe has showed up. She's seriously squeeing.

The Rangers are watching as some space shuttle lands at NASADA. Awww, back when people cared about the space program! You go Power Rangers, and keep promoting this! Justin's dad shows up, and apparently he got the job. UM. SINCE WHEN DO YOU FIND OUT AT THE INTERVIEW IF YOU GOT THE JOB. And then he's all "So if I take the job, we have to move." Justin is all "But I don't want to move!"

Quick question - HOW DID HE NOT KNOW HE WOULD HAVE TO MOVE FOR THE JOB???? This is not how things work. This would be included WHEN YOU APPLY. And Justin is all "BUT MY FRIENDS" mostly because of the Rangers, although he really just can't say "YEAH, SO POWER RANGER."

Meanwhile, the Rangers are called to the Power Chamber, because Eltar is under attack. Suddenly we find out that Eltar is the source of all their powers. UM. WHAT. Since WHEN??? But seriously, this is pretty epic. Intergalactic attacks! Zordon in peril! Something bigger than a Megazord headed for Earth!

EPIC. I APPROVE SO HARD.

Giant terrifying looking monster shows up to mock them, and they summon the village people Zords. This is actually a super exciting fight, mostly because hey, the Rangers are LOSING. Keep breaking the toys, monster! (Wow, how did Divatox actually find competent help? My world, it is ending!)

TJ is all "Okay, here's the plan. Let's blow up the Zord to take them out." TJ, stop taking lessons from Tommy. Although hey, at least you intend to do it on purpose! So they blow it up and go to their old Zords, but it DIDN'T WORK. And neither does the Turbo Megazord Sabre. Like, this monster is way more powerful than they are. And then it shoots ALL THE POWER BACK AT THEM. I just. Eeeeep.

TJ has another idea - retreat. Which is good, because time for MORE Zords to blow up. TJ gets more toys (lightning cruiser and the giant canon thing, and he shoves the canon down the monster's throat) which actually does manage to blow up the GIANT MONSTER but seriously they now have no Zords at all.

They teleport back to the Power Chamber, and because Elgar and Rygog see them teleporting, this somehow clues them into where the Power Chamber is? I guess... Rita never shared that information? And Divatox is really bad at spying?

Divatox is REALLY excited to blow up more things.

Dimitria lets the Rangers know that Eltar has fallen. HOLY CRAP. The Rangers are totally disturbed but they can't go because they have to stay and protect Earth. Instead, Dimitria and Blue Senturian are going. As they leave, Divatox assembles a GIANT FREAKING ARMY of Pirahnatrons and holy crap, shit is getting real.

Dimitria reminds them one more time that they are the Power Rangers and therefore totally awesome, and then leaves them for Eltar, just as Divatox attacks. The Rangers do the heroic walk out, even though Alpha warns them there are too many of them. And the Rangers rush out to meet the battle, and TO BE CONTINUED.

4 fish - For all the epicness, there are some giant freaking plot holes in this. And also, that was a lot of fighting. (Please continue to blow up the toys.)

Episode 243 - Cassie's Best Friend

So I am so sulky about the fact that I am not watching on netflix streaming right now. Only 255 of the 732 episodes are showing up on my Wii, and I am super pissed about that. But netflix tech support assures me they're looking into it. Still. Grrr.

So we start off at the lake. Cassie has a dog that she's playing frisbee with. The dog's name is Jetson, but I keep thinking they're saying Justin, and frankly, I was wondering why Cassie named her dog after him.

Meanwhile, Divatox has some new monster named goon that can transform stuff into mice or something. She sends it to attack at the lake and it blasts the Rangers. There's a pretty great unmorphed fight scene and this time the monster hits a Pirahnatron and it turns into a turtle. Turtles! The monster runs away because his aim sucks.

Bulk and Skull are looking for jobs, and Cassie has apparently trained her dog to get a newspaper and give her the change. That is way more impressive than Kat's dog training! in the park, Cassie is telling Jetson that sometimes she wishes he was a person and wonders what he would say. Of course, the monster shows up. Oh god.

Cassie morphs and the dog gets blasted and falls off a cliff or something. The monster tells Cassie I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too. And hey, Jetson has been transformed into a naked surfer dude with the collar still around his neck. IDEK. He steals clothes that just happen to be on a park bench.

Bulk and Skull offer to find Cassie's dog, since they used to be detectives. Hey, continuity! While Cassie is organizing in the youth center, human!Jetson who apparently has fleas introduces himself as Jethro and tells her that he's seen Jetson. Human!Jetson is molesting another dog. He informs her that none of the other dogs have seen Jetson. Cassie is understandably weirded out, but she offers him a ride home, and then accepts his offer of searching for the dog.

Bulk and Skull have found a dog that isn't Jetson. IDEK what to say about it. Jetson informs Cassie that the other dog is lost and he lives over by the high school.

Meanwhile, human!Jetson is failing at keeping his story straight. He also clearly has a crush on Cassie and this is weird. Jetson order a lot of burgers with extra cheese because he can't eat that usually and then plays frisbee with Cassie. Seriously, she should have figured this out by now, but I guess she's busy being understandably creeped out.

Jetson starts turning back into a dog, and his hands are now paws. Jetson gives some excuse and Cassie is weirdly all "I'm going to miss you, I feel like you're one of my best friends" and Jetson tells her "you'll always be my only best friend" and NO. THAT IS CREEPY. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW HE'S A DOG. CREEPY.

Alpha calls and they morph and there's a fight scene which is thankfully distracting me from being super creeped out. Sadly, then dog!Jetson shows up to attack the monster. Elgar has his Zord back and the Rangers summon their Village People Zords, and I really can't take Elgar as a threat seriously, even if he has a giant Zord. Divatox also sends in the monster to attack as well, so the Blue Senturian shows up with Robo Racer.

Somehow Elgar ends up on a camel. What. Oh, and they destroy the other monster.

At the Youth Center, Bulk and Skull walk right past Jetson and tell Cassie that they've almost found Jetson. Cassie starts to realize that maybe Jetson is Jethro, but then she decides there's no way that's possible. Cassie, you are not very smart.

Fish: 5. SUPER CREEPY.

Episode 237 - The Gardner of Evil

Previously - Elgar got hair, Blue Senturian is evil, and Justin has angst.

Bulk and Skull are playing pinball, and apparently the wishing coin broke the machine. Lt Stone got them a job working at a nursery. Sadly, it isn't a *baby* nursery, but is a plant nursery.

Divatox has a new monster, who is a plant head. This monster has the ability to use vines to turn people into Divatox's slaves (DIVADRONES, THAT IS AMAZING), and they're all dressed up as bees. Man, the therapy bill for people in Angel Grove has to be super high.

Apparently the only way to turn Blue Senturian back to normal is by using the third coin. The Rangers see BS and the monster, and its time for a fight scene.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are shoveling manure. That explains a lot about this episode.

The divadrones are bringing coins to Divatox. Meanwhile, Carlos and Justin run into Lt Stone, who mocks Bulk and Skull. Lt. Stone lets them know that Bulk and Skull have a coin, and just as Bulk and Skull are about to spend it, they get attacked by divadrones and the monster.

Bulk and Skull refuse to turn over the coin to evil, because they are AWESOME. The Rangers all morph and show up to help out Bulk and Skull and fight the monster. Everyone is searching for Bulk and Skull, both villains and Rangers. The vine tentacles cover the cars, and giant beedrills attack the cars too. The Rangers try and protect the cars from the bees (and like, really? The bees are going to do what to the car?) and there's ANOTHER fight scene.

Bulk and Skull figure out that the coin is a wishing coin, and try to make a wish on it, but there's more fighting and they get interrupted. Bulk and Skull hand the coin over to Justin, even though they're sad that they could have had anything. Justin is all sad that he has to do the right thing too, and he wishes for Blue Senturian to be good again. JUSTIN. THINK BIGGER. Why not wish for intergalactic peace or something? Or for Earth to be safe from monsters? REALLY?

The fight scene continues. The giant beedrill is actually terrifying, so points for that.

There are way too many fights in this episode.

Everyone gets turned back to normal, and Justin still has a sad. Carlos tries to make him feel better and tells him never to throw his wishes away, and that he shouldn't give up. Awww, Carlos. Best big brother ever.

And then Justin's dad shows up to visit. HIS DAD IS SUCH AN ASS. But his dad has come back to Angel Grove to stay! Well, why didn't you take Justin with you on your last job? (This is about the point where we started throwing out theories about his dad being in rehab or having lost custody or something.)

Fish: 3. It was just dull. Again. Also, why didn't Justin use a better wish??

Episode 224 - Passing the Torch - Part 2

After an actual decent cliffhanger (Seriously, why wasn't THIS the cliffhanger episode instead of the boring one?) the three park Rangers morph (and Tanya gets to say it, which is seriously so awesome) and Adam temporarily defeats the monster by throwing water on him.

Cassie and TJ have come to Kat's rescue and they are so ridiculously awesome, I can't even stand it. The other Rangers show up and get the rest of the Pirahnatrons out of the way, and convince TJ and Cassie to leave, while TJ practically has a fangasm and Cassie is all concerned about Kat.

Meanwhile, Tommy is all tied up and suspended (and I approve so hard), while Mama D opens up the Vortex of Eternal Doom and Sorrow. UM, HOW AWESOME IS MAMA D? I love that she's clearly the head of the family and when Divatox is all "I think I hear Dad in there" she's just all "He asked for it." I would frankly read millions of words about the crazy awesome of Mama D. (And seriously, I love that all the villains in power this season are women. Rita was great, but we never saw her MOM.) So Divatox leaves Tommy suspended over the Vortex with rats chewing through the ropes. Oh, honey, no, haven't you ever read the villain handbook? Don't just leave him there to swing, just THROW HIM IN.

Dimitria is telling the other Rangers some nonsense about time running out and their most important mission ever, and nope, still can't find Tommy. They go fight the monster that's apparently recharged since Adam threw water on it.

TJ is telling Cassie about how he wanted to be a Ranger when he was a kid, and our brains start to hurt from timeline issues. We eventually decided that he was either a) talking about from when the Aquitians were there or b) meant when he was a kid he wanted to be a superhero and then just changed it to Power Rangers when he was like 12. Cassie wanted to be Tina Turner instead. TJ discovers a trail of slime, and assumes it leads to Tommy, but Cassie is all "Nope, bus. Sorry." Of course, she promptly comes back to kick some ass and save him, because she is awesome, and her parents told her never to leave a friend behind, and they're friends now, right? I SHIP THEM SO HARD.

Meanwhile, in Angel Grove, Adam and Tanya (morphed) tell Carlos and Ashley to get all the kids to safety. For some reason the Youth Center has cots set up in it. I guess in case the battle extends into the night or something? Maybe this is how the Youth Center makes its money - it gets a stipend from the city for being a monster shelter.

TJ and Cassie then go rescue Tommy!!!! Because they are awesome and wonderful and I love them. (Suddenly, Cassie is totally going "... why did my bus ticket just magically change itself to Angel Grove?") Tommy thanks them and then goes and morphs and the Rangers all beat the monster and seriously, the Zord fight is not the important thing about this episode.

Because back at the Power Chamber time is running out. We're assuming this is the countdown until the first of the Rangers has to leave for college or something. But more importantly, Zordon and the REAL Alpha are there to see them off!

Tommy passes his power to TJ, Kat passes hers to Cassie, Tanya to Ashley, and Adam to Carlos.

You know us. We're usually not the best with power transfers, as in usually we spend the whole recap complaining about it. But this time we were all "YAY IT'S TJ AND CASSIE DAY!!!!!!" And it isn't because we don't love the characters who were leaving - hi, Adam is my FAVORITE EVER and Tanya is in my top 5. But the dynamic of the Turbo team really just didn't work. And besides, Tommy has to go off and race cars and then get a PhD in 7 years so we can get the DT team, and Kat can go do that ballet thing, while Adam and Tanya get married and Tanya becomes super famous and Adam opens a dojo with Rocky.

So basically - YAY NEW TEAM. And I am going to thoroughly enjoy my season of Carlos/Ashley before Andros comes along.

Fish: 2! This is a good sign for the rest of the season, right?

Fic we want: Conversations with the senior rangers explaining the situation to the new team.

Episode 213 - Bicycle Built for the Blues

Oh hey! It's Justin's birthday! We.... should have delayed this episode, but both of us have blocked out forgotten most of Turbo, or else we would totally have watched this next week.

The Rangers are plotting a surprise party for Justin, and I'm going to use this as an excuse to rant about how much I hate surprise parties. Mostly the ones that have the "and we're going to pretend all day that nothing special is going on" variety, but I guess they haven't learned anything from Zack's surprise party so long ago.

Divatox figures she'll give Justin a special gift too, and sends a bike that turns into a detonator that will explode after he bikes 25 miles. Justin (who is sad because the Rangers are all ignoring him/won't let him into the garage) assumes the bike is from his dad, and is apparently superglued to it instantly or something because he doesn't stop peddling/jump off the bike/crash into a tree like he should.

After all the Rangers leave the party set up because Dimitria actually noticed something was going on (SHOCKING) monkey!Bulk and Skull throw their own party, complete with a "Hey, hey, we're the monkees!" joke. I APPROVE.

While Tommy chases around the MOTW (named Big Burpa. Seriously) Adam, Kat and Tanya just stand there. Then they join in and chase after it some more. Then there's some more chase scenes. Justin still fails to crash into a tree. Oh, and the bike floats. When they suggest Justin stop peddling, he acts like he never thought of that, but yeah, he can't due to magic.

So Tommy summons his ZORD which starts driving and Tommy perches on the car and knocks Justin off the bike. Who was driving the Zord? If Justin was superglued to the bike, wouldn't that have seriously hurt? Who came up with this stupid plot???

They morph and fight the monster and it's really boring. Then everyone heads back to the garage, and aww, Justin's party is happening, and there's actually a bunch of kids! I guess the other people from the shelter? Bulk and Skull give Justin a banana. Justin is still sad, because his dad isn't there.

Except then his dad shows up for the party. And look, we totally understand having a breakdown after losing the wife - that makes sense. But he seems to be fairly recovered now, so why is he still leaving Justin in the shelter?

Justin needs ALL THE HUGS.

(Congrats, Justin, it only took a movie and 8 episodes to win us both over.)

Fish: 3.5 JUST JUMP OFF THE DAMN BIKE.

Episode 210 - Transmission Impossible

So, as previously mentioned, Tanya's summer job is working as a DJ on KAGV radio. She's actually fairly good at it, and she has her own show and everything, instead of just doing the usual intern hell where you just bring someone coffee or whatever. Kat comes to visit her at work (and wow, the clothes are really bad this episode) and somehow the radio station picks up a transmission from some alien who wants to contact Dimitria.

Let me get this straight. Angel Grove's radio station can pick up the signal, but Dimitria didn't pick it up? That is... man, I miss Zordon. Let's just leave it at that.

Divatox decides that if this signal is so important to Dimitria, then she's going to capture the guy before Dimitria can hear the message. She's also going to plant a detonator at the radio station. Oh, and the monkeys figure that if they can get on the radio, everyone will hear their explanations and the Rangers will help them turn back into humans.

Kat is all ready to run off to the Power Chamber, but Tanya is stuck at work. I guess missing class was ok, but missing work is not. Adam is also at the Power Chamber, doing the tech stuff, because he's awesome. Dimitria manages to contact the guy (Visceron) who is from her home planet, but unlike her, he doesn't have to phrase everything in the form of a question. I like him better than Dimitria already. He has important news for Dimitria, but he's afraid someone else is listening, so he can't tell her until he gets to Earth. Of course, Divatox promptly kidnaps him by tractor beaming him from warp? Fiiiiiiiiiiiish. And then she decides to break him by having Porto brainwash him with a water gun and make him do the dishes. I wish I was making this up. (I also wish I could brainwash someone to do the dishes.)

Tanya is still at the station, and her Turbo Navigator picks up the detonator, but she can't leave and for some stupid reason she can't contact the Power Chamber. (I refuse to believe that the radio station could block their signal. That is STUPID.) So instead, she just assumes that they're listening to her radio show at the Power Chamber, and dedicates a song to the power rangers called "I need you now" and drops a hint about it being the bomb, and the others figure it out. Oh, and Kat gets to say Shift Into Turbo instead of Adam. I approve.

Adam, Tommy and Justin handle Pirahnatrons while Kat goes to get Tanya, who is just pacing back and forth instead of doing something. Then she puts on a really long song so she can go join the others. And.... she didn't just do that before? Whatever.

Visceron has been turned into a monster, and they fight him, and he eventually ends up with the detonator, which explodes in a small enough space that only he is affected. Then he turns back into Visceron, and all of the Rangers feel really bad. But don't worry, because Dimitria saves him with the power of love.

He wakes up, and tells Dimitria her records have been altered and she has a twin sister. Apparently, power Rangers, REALLY likes the long lost sibling trope. This is the second time we've had it, and it's not going to be the last.

Anyway, Tanya forgot about her job, but don't worry, her job is safe because the manager knows she's a Ranger the manager thinks its really funny that the monkeys were DJing. Bulk and Skull just saved Tanya's job.

Fish: 3.5 SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT. Also, Tanya is not going to forget her job.

Episode 192 - The Lore of Auric

Warning, rage blackout ahead.

SO, we open in a poorly disguised Indiana Jones movie, with two people running from machines, where they end up in a cave, and basically go about proving themselves to be the worst archaeologists since Indiana Jones and Lara Croft. They also scream a lot.

However, they manage to find the lost tiki or Auric, which looks suspiciously like Magneto and after they pull it off the stand with a whip, Louie Kaboom comes and takes it from them, leaving them to die in the temple death traps.

Meanwhile, at the beach club, Kat brings Tanya a package that was delivered to their house. It's from Aisha! AISHA. You know what this show is missing? AISHA. Seriously, she just needs to come back and fix everyone's problems. Also enclosed in the package is a GIANT KEY and a map that apparently leads to Mysterio Island where Tanya's parents vanished from years ago. Apparently she's thought they were dead this whole time? Really? But now she knows they might be alive and she can maybe find them and this island that can't be found.

Tanya goes to ask Zordon if he can teleport her there, and he's all "no powers for personal gain" except decides to make an exception so she can go. Then out of NOWHERE Jason is all "Hey Tanya, why don't you trust me with the key?" and pouts and she looks totally confused as to why he thinks she isn't going to need the key, but for some reason she hands it over to him.

WHAT. JUST WHAT. Jason had NO RIGHT to ask her for that key. It has NOTHING to do with him. And of course he is promptly going to LOSE IT and SERIOUSLY HE IS THE WORST FRIEND EVER. Why would you go parade the key around? If they needed to put it in a safe place, WHY NOT THE POWER CHAMBER? Tanya has known Jason for ALL OF THREE EPISODES and this is STUPID.

Louie Kaboom uses the key to wake up Auric the Conqueror, who apparently only helps good people, so he refuses to help Louie. (Why he has Conqueror in his name, we don't know.) Sprocket is way smarter, and instead tells him that the Rangers are evil and he needs Auric's help to stop them from conquering, and Auric calls Sprocket a little metal boy and agrees. Sprocket is a pretty good manipulator.

Jason summons Pyramidas and goes to try and reason with Auric, and he fails at it. Rocky is wearing a really preppy shirt, which is frankly more interesting because I am still mad at Jason. Since Jason fails, they have to call Tanya back and prevent her from finding her parents at this point. Tanya is actually really cool about it and doesn't punch out Jason, which is way more than I would do, but they summon the Zords and say Zordon's name, and Auric realizes that they're the good guys. Because Zordon is totally famous.

Bulk and Skull lose another of Detective Stone's cars. Stone should really stop entrusting the cars to them.

For some reason, Tanya GIVES JASON THE KEY. NO. THAT IS STUPID. She goes on and says that she can't think of anyone she would trust more. I CAN NAME FIVE OR SIX OTHER PEOPLE. I'm seriously angry about this - Jason had no right to ask her for it in the first place.

She goes back and finds her parents who are about to be burned alive, but she turns the switch and saves her parents, and they ask who she is, and she says her name and there's a tearful reunion.

Fish: FIVE. JASON, YOU FAIL.

Fic we want: Seriously, Auric is totally Magneto. Make it happen.

Episode 175 - Found and Lost

Previously, on Power Rangers - Tommy has a really hot brother. And a magic arrowhead.

Jason David Frank is Native American, and from what we understand he had a lot of say in these episodes that introduced his real life brother, but... um... see, the thing is? A lot of the parts involving his heritage are still pretty sketchy. There's a lot of stereotypes used, but we're giving it a pass, since it is JDF's heritage. Still, something to think about.

Anyway, the episode begins with Tommy and his brother (David Trueheart) discussing their past. David was adopted on the reservation by Sam Trueheart, but for some reason Tommy was not, and he was adopted somewhere else by a couple that probably doesn't even know that David exists. The boys bond some more, and then David tells Tommy about their massive responsibility that has something to do with the arrowhead.

Back at the Youth Center, Adam and Rocky are sparring! Yay!!!!! We sit back and enjoy the pretty for a little while, and then Tommy and David show up. Tommy introduces David to everyone (although really, Tommy, you should probably not go up to your sorta girlfriend and say "there's someone I'd like you to meet") and they're all happy that Tommy has a brother. For some reason, people keep saying that Tommy and David look really identical. Well, there's a family resemblance, but I wouldn't call it seeing double, for real. Bulk and Skull decide this is suspicious, and they will perform a background check on David, even though they know nothing about computers. Then they realize they forgot to feed Rito and Goldar, and also they didn't lock the garage, so they head home to do this.

I am really uncomfortable with slave!RitoandGoldar, but I would desperately love Rito/Goldar fic set during this.

Anyway, since Tommy and David are brothers, they must totally share the same interests, so apparently David is also totally into martial arts. This made us laugh a lot, because I have almost nothing in common with my younger brother, ditto for QR and her sister. So Tommy and David spar, and Tommy wins, and David gets really pissed off. He's a sore loser, and that takes away some of the hotness factor. It's suggested that Tommy embarrassed him, but what? He should have let David win? Whatever.

The Machine Empire starts discussing how one of the Rangers has a sibling and now they should capture him! Wait, seriously? Tommy is the only one of them with a sibling? All the Rangers are only children? Frankly, I call bullshit on this. Since I still stand by my Rocky has younger siblings theory. Some of the Rangers need to have siblings. Seriously.

When David stormed out of the Youth Center he promptly gets kidnapped by Cogs, and apparently Mondo also wants the Magic Arrowhead. However, Tommy has that. The Rangers all head to the Power Chamber, and Billy can't find David anywhere on Earth, and Tommy suggests other planets, which somehow gets an answer that they're scanning all known dimensions? Are other planets in a different dimension now? Is Angel Grove its own pocket universe?

However, David isn't on another planet. He's just in a cave. With cave paintings. Oh, show.

Anyway, Mondo sends down a monster that can turn itself into a ball and can bounce off Zords, so the fight is like watching a game of pong. It gets really old, really fast. The Rangers retreat. I guess Tommy learned a bit from the Thunderzords blowing up.

Back at the Power Chamber, Billy scans Tommy's magical arrowhead, and can't detect any power from it. Tommy takes it back, and then somehow astral projects to see David in a cave. Then Tommy has a vision of Sam Trueheart, who astral projects into the Power Chamber and tells Tommy about how the cave is really dangerous. Okay? How did Mondo know to select that particular cave? Whatever, there's a lot of fish starting to pile up.

The only way to stop the bouncing monster is to combine the Zords. Unfortunately, the way to do that requires Tommy to clear his mind and concentrate. This... is not going to end well. And it doesn't, because Tommy can't get his shit together, and the Rangers have to retreat again. Everyone splits up, with Tommy going to look for his brother, and the Rangers to go deal with stuff, while Billy tries to figure out a way to bypass Tommy's brain so everything will work, which just makes us laugh forever.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are putting up fliers looking for Rito and Goldar, when Lt. Stone comes around and tells them they shouldn't be out on the streets due to a monster attack.

Alpha finds David, but for some reason they can't teleport him out, and Tommy goes to go find him. Mondo shows up, and says he will release David if Tommy gives him the magical arrowhead. Tommy agrees, clearly forgetting the other times that villains have tried this. He hands over the Arrowhead, and Mondo laughs at him and calls him stupid. To be continued...

As the credits roll, Bulk and Skull manage to find Rito and Goldar. Or maybe the other way around.

Fish: 4. They were really starting to pile up. And it started so well.

Fic we want: Rito/Goldar!

Episode 173 - Inner Spirit

OH MAN, YOU GUYS. Look, we're both in the south, and I just got out of the house today for the FIRST TIME since Sunday. Being stuck in the house = NOT FUN. Also, I managed to get to the store today, and now I have wine. Yay!

SO.

We're still on the All About Tommy run of episodes. This is... clearly not my favorite thing in the universe. However, there's a ton of continuity in these episodes, and there's actually some pretty awesome stuff in it. Also, Davis is freaking pretty.

We begin with a flashback to the Stereotype Quests where Tommy thinks about the Magical Arrowhead that he was given. Then we see a flash of the Megazord being drained. Tommy is concerned about his dream, so he actually goes to see Zordon.

The scene in the power chamber is really cute - Alpha's got on a nightcap! Zordon is all concerned about what time it is! The Megazord appears to be fine, but the Power Chamber experiences a brief power loss.

The next day, it turns out that the Youth Center is host to a Native American cultural event. We're not sure why this exhibit is being held at the Youth Center and not at a museum but whatever. Apparently it's also being sponsored by the Police, and since it's important for it to be a success, Lt. Stone gives the very important job of selling raffle tickets for it to Bulk and Skull. Apparently the one who sells the most tickets gets a free trip to Hawaii. The two keep trying to sell tickets (even to Principal Caplan!) but apparently someone named Delmar has beat them to it.

For the record, we would totally watch a show about Bulk and Skull in Hawaii.

Anyway, Tommy arrives (late) to the exhibit, and runs into the guy from his Zeo Quest. The guy claims not to recognize him, but Tommy is sure it's the same person, and offers to drive him somewhere to spend some time. He shows him the Arrowhead he was given, and when he's dropped off, the guy (Sam Trueheart) suggests that this is a good place to look for Arrowheads.

Mondo's latest monster is an energy drainer, that is draining power from Angel Grove. For some reason, this is also affecting the Power Chamber. Um. Why is the Power Chamber using Angel Grove's power? REALLY? Zordon doesn't have solar panels or something installed on that thing? Do they pay taxes? You fail so hard, Zordon.

The Rangers all morph in the dark, and that's pretty awesome. We go straight to a Zord fight, and the Megazord has its energy drained, and apparently it will take 3.6 days to recharge. That is suboptimal. Luckily, Billy has a backup plan.

You can read this scene in one of two ways - either Billy has a crush on Tommy, or he just used Tommy as the test case because he wouldn't care if Tommy was lost. YMMV. Anyway, Billy has built a new Zord based on Aquitian technology especially for Tommy, and it runs off Tommy's brainwaves. Tommy needs to be able to concentrate and have inner peace in order for it to work correctly.

Excuse me for a moment.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Ok, done now.

So, Tommy tries to go use his new Battle Zord, but he manages to crash it right out of the gate. Then it falls off a cliff. The other Rangers shoot the monster, and it does way more damage than the Zords did. Tommy finally manages to get his act together, thanks to a vision from Sam Trueheart that basically tells him to stop thinking and he manages to beat the monster.

Back at the Youth Center, it turns out that Delmar is the police chief's son. Bulk and Skull are very sad.

Tommy goes to the desert and a really hot guy on a magical horse appears out of nowhere. The episode ends.

The question I have for you - is this a Piers Anthony Magical Horse, or is this a Mercedes Lackey Magical Horse? Please discuss. (Details on the differences will be provided upon request, but you may not want to know)

Fish - 2! Hey, continuity exists in this episode!

Episode 125 - Stop the Hate Master Part 2

Previously, on Power Rangers - we seriously need a Care Bears crossover. Also, we hate rapping monsters.

The episode begins with Alpha scanning Aisha with a giant magnet to try and figure out why she's immune to the Hate Master's spell. The answer is clearly just that Aisha is that awesome, except it turns out that Aisha's necklace has just absorbed all of her family's love over the generations. So Aisha comes from a family of awesome. We approve of this. Just as they're figuring it out, someone hacks the Command Center, shutting down all the power and cutting off their access to Zordon.

Damn, Billy is good at this being evil thing. (He also refers to Kim as a snippy little upstart and tells her to go find a mall. I'm assuming that there's just been hatesex.) Even though they all hate each other, the Rangers are still hanging out together. (Rocky's contribution to the hate is leering at Adam.)

Up on the moon, Zedd comments that the Rangers are almost cute when they're nasty, and we have to agree. Rita wants to know when they'll be done destroying the Rangers so that they can go on their honeymoon, since apparently Goldar crashed it last time. She's a lot more friendly to Zedd right now.

At Ernie's, Bulk and Skull are posing as waiters to try and solve the graffiti bandit case. They're really bad at being waiters, and end up spilling food all over some poor woman.

While all this is going on, Aisha realizes that they do have one power source left - Alpha. So they use just enough of Alpha's power to get the teleporters up, so that she can go try and turn off Billy's blocking device. She also leaves her necklace behind so that once the power is back, Alpha can use it to power the care bears stare and remove the spell. This is not quite as good a plan, because she really shouldn't give up her only means of protection, and once the power is back she could just teleport back and give Alpha her necklace. But I guess they didn't think of that.

Alpha still doesn't have enough power to teleport her directly to the Juice Bar, but he does get her to the park, where she is promptly attacked by tengas, and then the Hate Master. (Somehow she went from the park to the lake in the process) Aisha beats the Hate Master's spell by remembering her grandmother's words of wisdom to her about how hate is a bad thing, and the Hate Master runs away, totally undone by the power of Aisha's awesome.

At the Youth Center, Adam tells some random guy to move, because he's going to work out there. He's all forceful. ♥ Tommy laughs at Adam, and tells him that he'll be the one working out. Then Adam tells Tommy that he's way better than Adam is, and then they're about to fight for control of the Rangers. We are (unsurprisingly) rooting for Adam. Unfortunately, at this point Aisha shows up and manages to knock them out of the spell just enough that Billy hands over the blocker and Aisha restores power to the Command Center, and then Zordon and Alpha send out the Care Bears Stare to destroy all remnants of the spell. Which means we don't get the Adam vs Tommy fight.

The Rangers all morph and go summon their Zords to fight the Hate Master. This is an awesome Zord fight, and we don't say that very often. But they fight the monster individually! The Frog Zord has an army of tiny Frog Zords that electrocute the monster! And then the Frog Zord spits fire! The other Zords all shoot lasers or whatever, but it's pretty cool. Also, for some reason Titanus is there.

At the end of the episode, Bulk and Skull (also free of the Hate Master's spell) announce that they've solved the graffiti bandit crime. Turns out that Skull sleepwalks. (Oh, Skull) Ernie makes them clean it up. You would think that they would open the envelopes before they make big announcements.

Adam apologizes to Tommy, who tells him to forget about it. Nobody else bothers to apologize, and instead there's a love fest.

Fish: 3! Not too bad overall.

Covered in: Poor random lady was covered in food.

Fic we want: Besides the care bears thing, we're still in favor of hatesex. Also, Adam challenging Tommy for control of the Rangers. :D And Aisha's family!

Episode 123 - Fourth Down and Long

Today on Power Rangers, it's a Very Special Episode about dyslexia! And football. And about how whenever there's a Rocky centric episode the other Rangers get turned into things.

Honestly, before this episode I would have sworn that I'd seen every episode of MMPR, but I didn't remember this one at all!

We are back in Mr. Wilton's class, where Billy begins the necessary exposition. We find out that apparently Rocky's uncle is a really famous quarterback and he's coming to speak to the football team or something. For some reason, they are just chatting in the middle of class, and the teacher waits until they're done with the conversation before reminding them it's time to put on their safety goggles and start mixing chemicals.

Rocky asks his partner, Alan, (he's partnered with a non-Ranger! Gasp!) to read the formula. His partner reads the formula, Rocky combines the chemicals, and the stuff emits a gas, forcing class to be evacuated, and Mr. Wilton to threaten to kick the partner off the football team. Oh noes!

On the moon, Rita makes fun of their chemistry skills, and Zedd proves he has no athletic talents at all. Finster's centipede monster mold accidentally gets combined with a football, and we get our monster of the week.

Back in Angel Grove, we find out that Bulk and Skull don't appear to go to class anymore, because they're always busy with police things. This time they're guarding Rocky's uncle. Billy reads over the notes, and says that the Alan must have reversed the formula. Rocky offers to tutor Alan, and they have a conversation about how smart Alan is, but how he has trouble reading. After the tutoring session, they realize they missed Uncle Joe, so they go to find him, only to discover that the monster has shown up, and already turned Bulk and Skull into footballs. Alan and Joe soon follow, and Rocky has the best shocked expression on his face. His acting skills have improved a lot, he really sells that anger.

Rocky calls Zordon, who calls the other Rangers, but the other Rangers manage to get themselves turned into footballs. Rocky teleports back to the Command Center and successfully figures out a way to reverse the spell, proving for once and for all, that he is smart. End of discussion. He's also the only one who figures out that maybe you should DODGE THE FOOTBALL that will turn you into a football. FAIL HARDER, RANGERS.

The football fight would have been way more entertaining if there had been football putties instead of tengas. Just for the record.

Anyway, Ninjor shows up to help, and Zordon warns them that there's going to be a snowstorm even though there is NO SNOW in Angel Grove and they go down and reverse the spell and rescue everyone. The monster grows, they punch it, everyone goes home happy. For the record, the snow looks completely ridiculous, like the screen was just all static-y. It gets better once they have the actual Zord fight, but argh.

Later, all the Rangers are having a bad hair day (side effect of being turned into footballs) and Uncle Joe tells them that Alan isn't kicked off the team anymore, because he's fixed everything! It turns out that Uncle Joe also has dyslexia, and he recognized it in Alan, so he got him tested, and sometimes teachers don't recognize it but Mr. Wilton totally has strategies to help him now, and the important thing is that he isn't kicked off the team! Cue very special episode cheering.

Bulk and Skull get in trouble for being afraid of footballs (Which is understandable, since they got TURNED INTO THEM) and then Bulk gets covered in fruit salad. Everyone laughs at them. Oh, SHOW. How about a very special episode about why mocking others is wrong, instead?

Fish: 4. How do you NOT DODGE the football? Also, there is no snow in Angel Grove.

Billy speak: "Judging from the explosion that occurred, and the formula you have written here, I'd say you reversed the elements."
"Yeah, you read them backwards. That's what caused such an adverse reaction."

Covered in: Bulk is covered in fruit salad

Episode 121 - Passing the Lantern

Somehow we managed to arrange it (purely by accident, I swear) so that I get to recap one of our rare Adam-centric episodes, and Queenriley gets to recap the even rarer Rocky-centric one right after it! This is exciting!

Amazingly, this episode is actually about Adam, and not one of those secretly about Tommy ones that pop up more often later on!

The episode opens in the Youth Center, with Aisha and Billy discussing their boyfriend. Adam is off at a family reunion, and they hope it goes well, because they know how important family is to Adam, and how much he wants to make them proud.

Adam returns, with a gorgeous lantern (referred to in the show as an Oriental lantern - it is later mentioned that Adam is Korean-American, but that isn't for another seasson, and the garden has a sign on it saying that it's a Japanese garden, and anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. For the purpose of the recap I am going to use the show's terminology. Which was my point) and we're told that he's been chosen as his generation's guardian of the lantern, which is supposed to have some sort of powers. This of course means that Rita and Zedd want to steal it.

There's an inscription on the lantern, but Adam can't read the language. Bulk and Skull overhear Adam say it's a mystery, and try to read it themselves, but all they can come up with is 'don't try to read something not in English.'

Billy takes Adam to Ko's Japanese garden, and explains that Ko is an old friend of his family. The garden really is gorgeous. Ko has a ton of lanterns, and Adam admires the collection. Ko shows Adam one and reads the inscription, which translates to "the dragon you fear is only as potent as your imagination" which Adam figures out means that fear is only as powerful as you make it. Aww, Adam is smart. *adores* Ko then translates Adam's lantern (and we never do find out what language it's in - which is a) problematic as they're just lumping all of Asia together under "The Orient" and b) annoying for my personal headcanon.) The inscription on Adam's lantern states "The lamp may light the path, but the soul must light the way." Adam finds this one harder to figure out.

The other Rangers (except Kimberly) wander through the paths of the garden and mention that Kim is starting up a garden at Aisha's house, but she's really busy preparing for a gymnastics competition. However, their lovely threesome walk in the park is ruined as Rito and some tengas show up, while Squatt and Babboo try to steal Adam's lantern. The five Rangers all morph into the ninja costumes, and there's a pretty good fight. Squatt and Babboo end up taking all the lanterns, and Adam is very sad. Adam does very sad really well.

Adam is concerned about how he let down his family! (There is a reason this boy is my favorite, for real) and Bulk and Skull say that they are on the case. This is... not comforting. But they do manage to see Rito going through the lanterns, and Rito throws Adam's lantern towards them before teleporting away, leading to them screaming, wondering why they're screaming, and then realizing that it's because a bunch of aliens just used their powers in front of them leading to them continuing screaming. Oh, BOYS. We also find out that the Junior Police Patrol has a handbook. You would think that "what do you do in a monster attack" would be on page one.

Rita and Zedd choose one of the lanterns to be their lantern monster, and then return the other ones so that it won't clutter up the moon. That's really considerate of them!

The Lanterra monster attacks Bulk and Skull (And we like this monster, it is hilarious) and the two soon run into Adam and Aisha, who are still searching for Adam's lantern. (By searching I mean that Aisha is clearly indulging Adam's crazy need to search himself, even thought he Command Center is also scanning for it. However, considering that the Command Center hasn't noticed the monster yet, I can totally get why Adam wants to search himself.) Adam asks the Command Center if they see anything unusual on the viewing globe, and look! A monster! Way to notice ANYTHING, Zordon.

Adam doesn't want to attack the lantern monster because he's afraid of damaging it. Which is adorable but... don't Rita and Zedd's monsters usually revert to whatever they're made out of after? But then Adam figures out that the inscription on the lantern meant that the power is inside of him, not the lantern, so he beats up the lantern monster. Because he is awesome. Then Rita and Zedd make it grow, and there are Zords summoned, and Ninjor shows up, because he actually pays attention to these things.

Back at the Youth Center, Adam is still trying to pretend that he's okay with destroying the lantern. Kim and Rocky try to comfort him, but then Bulk and Skull show up with Adam's lantern! Yay! They tell some ridiculous story about how they fought off the monster, and then they end up slipping where Ernie mopped. I didn't see any sign saying there was a wet floor, Ernie! You fail!

During the credits, Skull finds a fish in his shoe. THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

Fish: 2

Episode 120- A Brush with Destiny

Today on Power Rangers- Kim is awesome. Yet again.

We start with our new opening and a very pretty cast. We discuss just how pretty they are. I say they're the second prettiest cast. TSB says the prettiest. It's a rousing debate.

But, uh, in actual plot... well... there really isn't one. There is an art benefit show for the Junior Police Patrol and it's taking place in the Youth Center. Kim's New Daddy is there and he's apparently a French painter. Who is... painting in Angel Grove? Really? You have FRANCE to paint, and you decide to go to Angel Grove? My only explanation is that he's not a very good painter. At this art benefit show, Bulk and Skull are placed in charge of guarding the New Daddy's painting. They both fall asleep instead and the painting goes missing. Upon waking up, they assume it's been stolen, and begin to interrogate the general population.

So Kim is all nervous about having to move to France. She talks to Aisha on the phone (corded phones, in the bedroom and living room respectively, connected to landlines. Oh we are so old) and feels a little better, but ends up having horrible nightmares anyway.

So she meets up with her friends at the park the next day. She's exhausted and Adam suggests talking to Zordon about her concerns. Billy is sure Zordon already knows and I cringe. Really, Billy? Zordon already knows? Zordon never pays attention! Unless the fish demand it for plot purposes, of course. They get attacked by Tengas before any further planning can be done. Somehow, during this Tenga fight, Angel Grove Park has magically grown a cave and a rock outcropping, since half the footage has them fighting in mountains, and the other half has them fighting in the lush greenery of the park. Rito and Goldar show up, gets the Tengas to grab Kim and essentially hold her against a tree, and Rito slaps her hand which makes her lose her communicator. They use a new device Finster created and presented to Rita as a gift, and steal the monster from Kim's dream.

Later at school (what, does their school day start at 3pm or something?), people have lots and lots of time to just mill about in the hallways. The rangers get called by Zordon and go to the Command Center, leaving Kim behind. Everyone is unaware she does not have her communicator. They morph and go fight. Tommy lunges at the Painter Mole Monster and goes right through him, despite Billy's pleading to work as a team. Really, Tommy, didn't you learn that lesson already? Five or six times? Anyway, they can't win on their own and Kim is still nowhere to be found, so they call on Ninjor. He comes riding in on a cloud crying out "You have nothing to fear, Ninjor is here!" and he is now incredibly awesome and I love him so.

So even with Ninjor they can't beat this paint guy and he zaps them with his brush, draining them of their colour, or rather, turning them to grey scale. This somehow has sapped them of their power as well, though they all remain morphed.

At school, Kim can't find anybody and realizes her communicator is missing. She retraces her steps and finally finds it in the park when it beeps ever so conveniently while she's standing there. She goes to the Command Center and assures Zordon the monster is from her dream. She's not afraid of it and Zordon goes off on a tangent of Plot Convenience where he tells her not to worry about moving to France, that her mother only has her best interest at heart *cough*bullshit*cough*. Kim feels reassured and goes to fight.

Once again, she is awesome, and beats the monster on her own which gives the others, who stood around doing nothing by the way, their colours back. But, angered at his apparent loss, Zedd makes the monster grow. We spend the entire zord summoning and battle discussing how Rocky's zord doesn't look much like an ape, but it does look vaguely human, and humans are in the ape family, so his zord could really be Cousin to the Ape Zord instead of the Ape Zord. Anyway, they win, of course.

Back at the Youth Center, Bulk and Skull have found the painting they thought was stolen and discover the painter, New Daddy, had merely taken it in to repair the frame. It's a really bad, really ugly painting. Kim rushes up to tell her mom that she loves her and knows she's looking out for her best interest (which I still call bullshit!), but that she's nervous about moving to Paris and learning a new language and school and whatnot. Kim's mother says it will be okay if they're honest. Then Aisha and her parents walk up and offer to take Kim in while her mother moves to Paris. Aisha's parents take in Kim... while her mother MOVES TO PARIS. WITHOUT HER. Now, that's insanely awesome of Aisha's parents, but Kim's mother just agrees! Right there on the spot! No consideration, no thinking, no discussing it at all! Just "You really want to? Sure, okay!" So she pawns her daughter off on somebody else while she goes gallivanting around a new country HALF A WORLD AWAY from her UNDERAGE daughter.

That's not even taking into consideration Kim's FATHER! He supposedly still lives in Angel Grove. Why doesn't she live with him? Does he not get a say in what COUNTRY his own child lives in? Seriously? Why wasn't he included in this lack-of-discussion?

Kim has horrible parents.

And on that note, 4.5 fish. Just... no.

Episode 95 - Scavenger Hunt

Today on Power Rangers - the team goes on a scavenger hunt, and there is some pretty major fail.

Okay, let me get the fail out of the way first, so I can go back to pretending it didn't happen. Bulk and Skull are, as usual, trying to figure out the identities of the Power Rangers. This time, they hire Gypsy Aballonia. She's supposed to be a psychic, and all three of them dress in the most stereotypical costumes you can think of, and speak in odd accents. Apparently the show thinks that gypsies are acceptable targets or something, but we don't, and honestly we found the entire thing really offensive, and we shall never speak of it again.

So, the actual plot is this - the Rangers are competing in a scavenger hunt. They've split up into two teams (Adam, Kim and Tommy on one, Billy, Aisha and Rocky on the other.) At first I thought they were competing against each other, but it turns out they just split the list in two. Kimberly is really into this, and she's absolutely delightful. And Adam makes the most amazing goofy face when they have to take a picture with their first item, which turns out to be a red car.

Zedd watches them, and is all "so, they like to play games" and it is entirely possible my immediate thought was "Adam and Rocky certainly do" because that is exactly how I roll. Zedd then decides that he will send the Rangers on a never ending scavenger hunt in the Lost Universe. Exactly how does one lose a universe? *blinks* And if Zedd knows where the universe is, how exactly is it lost?

Billy's team is hanging out in Billy's lab, trying to figure out what the next clue is, and somehow they come to the realization that it was a cannon. (Personally, I think the answer was a trebuchet, but I guess that would be even harder to find, and is probably just a nitpick anyway.) Billy realizes that his "little cousin" left behind a toy cannon (really?) and that solves this problem, so they go to the park to find the next clue, where they are promptly attacked by putties and lose the bag of stuff.

Then a miracle occurs - they remember they have communicators, and they call the other Rangers. Kim, Tommy and Adam are all fine, but they agree to keep a lookout. Nobody bothers to call Zordon, and Zordon doesn't notice. But then Zedd sends down the monster, which is made out of Billy's toy cannon.

Zordon immediately knows the name of the monster, its powers, and the fact that it can send them to the Lost Universe. How does he know this? Do the fish fly up and tell him? And how does he know where this universe is? If all of these people know about it, it is NOT LOST.

The Rangers all head to the park to fight the cannon monster. The cannon monster, we must note, is standing in fairly tall grass. The grass the Rangers are standing on is freshly mowed. Great job splicing together the footage! So then the Rangers summon the Power Weapons, but that isn't enough, and so they need to summon the Zords.

Rocky's Zord rides Tommy's. I feel that is important to point out.

Zordon is all concerned, because if the Rangers get sent to the Lost Universe, they will never be retrieved. He tells Alpha they just need to have faith in Tommy. Queenriley and I both start cracking up. But no, they summon Tor (and the other four Rangers finally have something to do during this fight) and all is well. I wonder what the point of even mentioning this Lost Universe was. Adding dramatic tension? Because it really didn't work.

Back at the Youth Center, the Rangers are all excited because they only need one more clue, and Ernie tells them the judges are on the way back. The last clue is "they're the colors of the rainbow, and they fight monsters too." Ernie figures out that it must be the Power Rangers, and he has an 8x10 photo of them. Really, do the Rangers do photoshoots now? How did Ernie get one? And how come the Rangers couldn't figure this out? (Maybe because um, no, they are not the colors of the rainbow. When did black become a color of the rainbow? Did they get an indigo ranger when I wasn't looking?)

The Rangers win the scavenger hunt against Central High. We're left wondering exactly when the Rangers managed to get the toy cannon back.

Fish: 4. It would be a 3.5, but I added half a fish for the rage it caused.

Episode 75 - Orchestral Maneuvers in the Park

We're back! It's been a not-so-great two weeks (I had a car accident this morning, and is just back from the funeral) and how do we make ourselves feel better? Clearly, the answer is to watch a fish filled episode.

We open at the Juice Bar, where Richie is working in Ernie's job. I miss Ernie, why is he not there today? Curtis shows up, and attempts to have a personality that isn't an exact clone of Zack by telling everyone that he's going to be performing in a jazz concert at the Youth Center that day, except he's worried that his trumpet won't show up in time since it's still on the moving van coming from St. Louis.

And that would be where the episode lost me. Look, my younger brother is a musician. He's at a conservatory for college. He plays the double bass which is freaking huge and it goes with him everywhere, because if you care that much about music then you do not go that long without practicing! And you certainly don't trust the instrument to a moving van. So, I'm already calling fish and we're not even two minutes into the episode.

Zack tells Curtis not to worry - maybe he could use their uncle's trumpet! Their uncle was apparently a famous musician, and for some reason the trumpet is at Zack's house. Really? Zack is a dancer, not a musician. Wouldn't the trumpet, you know, go to Curtis who actually plays the instrument? More fish!

Zack, Kimberly, and Billy go to Zack's house (which we sadly don't get to see) to retrieve the trumpet. Instead, they walk through the park, where Zack is just carrying the trumpet. It isn't in a case or anything. Cue music related rage - that is not how you handle an instrument. Especially when you are walking through Angel Grove Park and have a fairly high chance of getting jumped by putties that would require you to put the trumpet on the ground!

Which... well, guess what happens. Zedd has a plan to put a spell on the trumpet that will make the Rangers hallucinate their old foes, and then they will wear themselves out fighting the illusions. Okay, a few things about this plan. Not that it isn't a good plan, but why is Zedd using all of Rita's monsters? Why doesn't he just send out a bunch of real monsters of his own? They always have enough trouble taking on one monster, just make six or seven of them and send them down at the same time! And why are his illusions solid?

So, the three of them fight the Putties, and while they're fighting another Putty shows up to sprinkle magical fairy dust on the trumpet. Nice plan! Also, for some reason Zack isn't wearing any black - we guess he's the yellow Ranger this episode.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull have a plan to figure out who the Rangers are. They're going to make castings of their bootprints, and then have everyone in Angel Grove step in them. Nice plan! There is so much wrong with that plan I can't even figure out where to begin. Let's start with the obvious - the Rangers wear boots. I feel that I've said enough on that subject, so instead I will point out that Bulk came up with this plan because of Cinderella - the movie where the prince is surrounded by all the babes to try on a shoe. *DEAD* Then Bulk makes Skull do all the work, and we spend the next few minutes debating whether it should be Cinderskull or Skullerella. Oh, and then Bulk gets covered in concrete. I thought we'd moved passed this stage.

Back at the Youth Center, Curtis is performing with the magical trumpet, and the actors are really bad at pretending to play. The Rangers all seem to enjoy it, and as he plays they get covered in the fairy dust. After the concert, the best exchange ever occurs.

Billy: Your musical prowess far exceeded my expectations.
Trini: He means you were incredible.

Except that totally isn't what he meant. He meant that he thought that Curtis wasn't going to be that great. Oh, Billy, please continue to snark at people who can't understand you. ♥

Anyway, then the trumpet disappears, because it's been captured by Zedd. Instead, everyone figures that maybe someone walked off with it. I guess Angel Grove has a problem with kleptomaniacs or something. The five Rangers go walking through the park, and then they get attacked by a bunch of old monsters!

Roll call! Fighting Flea! Slippery Shark! Praying Mantis! Grumble Bee! Rhinoblaster! Soccadillo! Saliguana! Stag Beetle! (For the record, I object to this list. If it was going to be a best of their foes, why is the Terror Toad not on it?)

Anyway, so they have a long fight, and Bulk and Skull come and watch and make plans to capture the footprints after. Zordon finally notices what is going on and teleports them out. Kimberly says that the fighting was worse than the mall the day after Christmas. Kim, honey, we think you mean the day after Thanksgiving. (Not that the day after Christmas is a day we would go to the mall either. But then again, I try to avoid the mall during the entire holiday season.) Zordon tells them to go fight the real monster (which he had been previously insisting that there weren't any monsters on Earth, except this one was there the whole time) and then they go and there's a long Zord summoning, and they fight it and the world is safe again.

At the Youth Center, Billy returns the trumpet to Curtis, who is very pleased. Then Bulk and Skull show up with their concrete impressions of the Rangers's footprints. I'm really impressed that they're carrying it, but I guess if Bulk can do 1010 bench presses we shouldn't be that surprised. Zack arranges for a crowd of people to trample them so they drop it. Oh, Power Rangers, never change.

Fish: 3.5. We're being generous since we haven't watched an episode in two weeks.

Billy speak: "I've always been fascinated by the intricate rhythms in jazz."
"Your musical prowess far exceeded my expectations."
"How do you explain the phenomenon that just took place?"

Covered in concrete: Bulk.

Episode 72 - Green No More - Part 1

Hey, we're reaching the end of the Green Ranger era! Sadly, not of the Tommy era. But whatever. Today on Power Rangers - Tommy is emo, there are some hot bullies, and Zedd discovers kryptonite.

I actually remembered nothing about this episode, so it's all new for me. And amazingly it wasn't that bad!

We open with Tommy playing basketball. You can tell that he's emo, because he's having trouble making the shot. Kimberly shows up (her outfits are really cute this season), having asked Jason where Tommy was. I kind of love that Kimberly needed to ask Jason for this piece of information. They have a discussion about Tommy's powers, which are failing fast. Tommy's hair is ridiculous, and I feel the need to point that out.

Suddenly, a ghost!Tommy appears. He's from the future, and he tries to give a warning, that somehow involves communicators. Oh, Tommy. Meanwhile, Zedd is still obsessed with Tommy. He's putting Goldar's obsession with Jason to shame.

Meanwhile, at the school, Zack and Billy discuss Zack's cousin Curtis, who is being set up to be Zack's replacement moving to Angel Grove. He's basically Zack. Seriously, same character, same dancing, whatever. Apparently they only have one characterization available. They introduce Curtis to Ritchie, and the two decide to be boyfriends BFF. Tommy tells Zack and Billy about the guy who looked just like him, and I start all-capsing about how of course he looks like him, he IS HIM. Tommy, read more scifi. Or go to a movie. Or something.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull get beaten up by a new team of bullies. There are five of them, and they are all color coded for your convenience. Gee, I wonder what this is being set up for? (Also, the red one is hot, and we're sure we've seen the blue one before somewhere, but imdb is failing us.) The new bullies also threaten some kid name Stewart, and you would think that Billy would be more active in protesting this, but he just stands there and watches. Fail.

On the moon, Lord Zedd has apparently discovered Kryptonite. Seriously, it is a glowing green rock that drains people's powers. There is absolutely nothing else that it can be. Nothing. I just realized that this might make Tommy Superman and then my brain started to hurt.

After school, the Rangers (except for Trini, who is off visiting relatives) go to the beach. Zack and Jason show off their arms, while Kimberly and Billy look for shells. Just as Kimberly finds a new shell, the bullies appear, and suddenly we're in a Jets vs Sharks throwdown with the Rangers telling the new bullies about how they don't know the rules yet, and the bullies saying they make the rules. Then Lord Zedd teleports out the bullies, because he thinks they should work for him. They just stand there, and I'm not sure if they're under a spell or what.

The whole group teleports to the Command Center, and Zordon tells them that Lord Zedd has sent down a very powerful monster. Tommy insists on fighting with them, even though he can only hold up for one more fight. Now, if they were being smart they would save his powers for when they desperately need him, but Tommy insists on going now, because it has to be all about him. (My attempt to fanwank this is that he just wants it to be over, and he can't stand the constant not knowing if its going to be his last battle or not, but this may just be giving him too much credit. Then again, I've been in comics fandom for a while, so I've gotten really good at rationalizing.)

Zedd's shell monster thing has already grown, so we get the world's longest Zord summoning sequence. The monster beats them, and then goes back to Zedd, who is all annoyed because it hasn't completely destroyed Tommy yet. So the monster teleports Tommy to a field, and his powers immediately failed. Okay, so here's where we get into the fish - if they could do that before, why didn't they? (... To give the show some credit, I really appreciate the shots of JDF's ass. I am shallow, what?)

The other Rangers try to contact Zordon, but they can't. Zedd teleports them to a cave and imprisons them in a force field, and holds up the glowing chunk of Kryptonite, and tells them their powers won't work. He then debuts his Dark Rangers, who are in the most horrible versions of a costume I have ever seen in my entire life. I could make a better costume than that, and I can't sew. Zedd threatens to send out his Dark Rangers, and then we get a to be continued sign....

Fish! 3. Outside of the "5 evil people move to Angel Grove at once" and the "seriously, why couldn't they do any of this before?" it wasn't that high fish an episode. Especially for a Tommy Centric one.

Billy speak: "Y'know, it's quite possible that he appeared through a rift in the space time continuum."

Episode 56 - Enter the Lizzinator

At this point we've given up going by the order as posted, and we're just going by the way these episodes are on our shiny dvd sets. So even though this episode claims it is Fins and Needles, we're actually watching a Cheerleading episode.

So, we start off watching tryouts for the Angel Grove Junior High Cheerleading Squad. A random redhead is being focused on (I approve of all random redheads, just for the record) and wow, they are such bad cheerleaders. The cheer itself is horrible, and they also all suck. The random redhead sucks more than the rest of them, and ends up being late for the final word. Awkward. The random redhead turns out to also be a random relative. She is, in fact, Kimberly's cousin. Raise your hand if you're surprised that Kimberly was a cheerleader. Anyone? Bueller?

Apparently Kimberly was so awesome, that the Junior High still talks about her a few years later. So is Kimberly still cheering now, or did she quit when she got to high school, and honestly, who cares about Middle School Cheerleaders anyway? Perhaps Angel Grove High just doesn't have cheerleaders because a) they only have one teacher, so there's nobody to coach the cheerleading squad, and b) martial arts competitions don't have cheerleaders.

Meanwhile, on the moon, Rita decides what her life is lacking is her own personal cheerleader. So instead of capturing a good cheerleader, she decides to go after Kelly. Personally, I feel she should have just trained Squatt and Baboo.

Anyway, Random Relative (Kelly) is all sad that she is not as awesome as Kimberly, and Kim offers to help her. Kim is actually pretty lousy at cheerleading herself, honestly. Plus, when you teach these things you're supposed to mirror the person, so no wonder Kelly is messing up. Kelly gets frustrated and runs away.

Ernie asks Jason (and hi there, Jason's arms!) to go pick up a delivery across town, since some truck broke down. I hope you're paying him for that, Ernie. Or is Jason just trying to work off everyone's bill? That probably makes more sense.

Kimberly and Tommy find Kelly at the playground, and Kimberly gives what I assume is supposed to be an inspiring speech, while Tommy stands around looking creepy. Then they get attacked by putties, and I'm pretty sure we spent the whole fight scene discussing how I still think Kimberly's fashion sense is awesome. Just as the fight ends, Squatt and Baboo kidnap Kelly, and drag her off to the cave of captivity. Kimberly and Tommy forget they have communicators, and they run over to the Youth Center to get Zack, Trini and Billy.

Meanwhile, Jason is picking up Ernie's delivery, when he gets attacked by the Lizzinator. At first we're totally confused as to why he's called the Lizzinator, and then he starts to talk. It's actually a Terminator joke, or really a governator joke. Oh, show. Sometimes I love you so much. (The monster still looks nothing like a lizard. Seriously.) Anyway, the monster beats Jason up, and then tells him it was too easy, and maybe more Rangers will present more of a challenge, and then he runs away.

At the Command Center, Zordon tells them that the Lizzinator is incredibly powerful, and Alpha presents Billy with a grocery scanner readout that says that the monster is really powerful. Nothing can penetrate its skin. Kimberly is all upset because apparently if they can't defeat it, they'll never find Kelly. Also, if they can't defeat it, then Rita will, you know, take over the world. I feel that Kimberly's priorities are skewed. Tommy says he'll go with them to fight, but they suddenly all remember that Tommy's powers are limited. Continuity! It's a miracle!

They go to the Inexplicably Abandoned Rock Quarry, and there are a lot of putties. Including a driving!putty, and we start talking about how probably thinks this scene is awesome. However, we've also decided that it would be even better if it was a driving!pumpkinhead!putty. This should happen. Plus, the driving!putty punches Jason in the face. This is hilarious to us.

Anyway, Jason is getting beaten up, when Tommy shows up to save his boyfriend, even though Jason is all "no! you're so weak!" and then Jason promptly swoons. Booooooooyfriends. (I only find Tommy tolerable when he's dating Adam Jason.) There's a fight, and other things, but honestly, I'm not so much in this for the fight scenes. Oh, and at some point they summon Zords, the Dragonzord gets thrown around in a way that made us start yelling about how physics doesn't work like that (The Lizzinator held the DragonZord completely upright over his head by gripping the end of his tail), and eventually the Rangers summon Titanus and win. At least it wasn't just the power sword this time.

In the Cave of Captivity, Kelly is just sitting on a rock, thinking of what Kimberly would do. She remembers that Kimberly told her to have faith in herself, and comes up with a plan. Um, I am fairly sure that Kimberly was talking about cheerleading, not fighting monsters. Idiot child! Kelly's grand plan involves writing the worst cheer ever and teaching it to Squatt and Baboo, who are talking about cheeseburgers. It is even worse than the Pumpkin Rapper. (Okay, not quite. But it is close.) Along with teaching them a cheer (that doesn't rhyme) about how Rita always loses to the Power Rangers, Kelly makes them spin around repeatedly, and they get dizzy. Squatt and Baboo then teleport out of the cave, leaving Kelly alone.

Now that Kelly is safe, the Rangers show up, and Kelly is very unenthusiastic about being rescued. Seriously, kid, I would be milking this for weeks! But no, she's just all "oh, hi there!" Maybe she knows that Kimberly is a Ranger and she doesn't want to look dorky in front of her cousin.

Then the episode ends. It was pretty good!

... Okay, that isn't actually what happened. What happens next is that the episode veers straight into high fish territory. Even though the tryouts were supposed to be that same afternoon, everyone is wearing different clothes. A group is doing a cheer, and then it's Kelly's turn. She doesn't cheer, but she instead does a dance, so I have no idea why she was practicing the cheer anyway, since all she had to do was dance.

Kimberly and Kelly are both horrible to Bulk and Skull, and there's more fatphobia, and I cannot even deal.


Fish: If it had ended before the last few minutes, I would have given it 2, maybe 2.5 because of the ridiculous monster name. But since the last few minutes happened, it's being bumped up to a 4.

Fanart that needs to exist: Squatt and Baboo: I can has cheezburger?