Episode 357 - The Queen's Return

WE'RE BACK! I know it's been, like, half a year. But we're back. For reals this time!

Okay, so part of the problem is that this season is so. Freaking. BORING. I just can't bring myself to care about... any of it. I actually had to go look up the episodes we'd already recapped because I'd forgotten pretty much everything except Ryan being shirtless.

We start off with villains! Who's names I can't remember! And don't even care enough about to go look up! So we'll just call them Symbol Guy, Horned Guy, Whingy Demon Bratling (who I almost called Fabulously Shiny Red Guy, because he is super fabulous), and Weasly Less Awesome The Count. Plus Lady Who Can't Act. They are planning plans. Or something.

So then we get to our intrepid heroes. Carter is driving. Joel is being a jackass in the back of the jeep and singing horribly to some old cd player (that probably wasn't that old when this aired). He is not wearing a seat belt. Carter slams on the brakes and Joel REALLY should have gone flying out of that Jeep and being horribly maimed by the road. If, y'know, physics existed in this universe. Chad and Kelsey are rollerblading and they stop at the same time as Carter. Because there is an Ominous Black Cloud in the sky.

Ryan knows about it and finally deems it the right time to tell them it's an evil ceremony. Something he could have mentioned, oh, I don't know, any other time prior to this point! So off go the Rangers to Stop Things. First they have to save people from a burning building, though, and once again I wonder what happened to the firefighters in Mariner Bay.

This leaves Ryan to go off and stop the summoning. He gets caught by Lady Who Can't Act, though, and thrown down to take part in the summoning. As a sacrifice, I suppose. Which is a bit dark for a kids show! Or maybe just to be tied up and look attractive. Symbol Guy pulls some Space Doesn't Work Like That and Lady Who Can't Act sounds less than excited that now her Queen can have a corporeal body again.

Luckily the Rangers finish with the building-on-fire and show up just in time to interrupt the ceremony! They free Ryan and fight the bad guys and I guess Ryan can morph now? Because he finally did and knocks out some underlings. I forgot how cute they are in this series! Why don't we get to see the little bat guys more often?

Oh well. Carter takes out Symbol Guy, or so they think. Instead he just get bigger. It looks like he has little Christmas lights dangling from his hat and it's also the first time I found him even remotely interesting. But he's big so that means all the zords must come out to play.

There is fire and brimstone and things shooting from the damaged building into space. Physics, show. This is not how it works. The ceremony is sort of complete and the Queen sort of shows up, but she's mostly just a big head floating in the sky, and everybody is really happy. She is clearly What's His Face's (Lokar) girlfriend. I wonder if he knows he has a whiny demon bratling? In celebration of her triumphant return, she plans to destroy the city herself. She sends a tsunami, but Ryan thrusts a sword into things and jams up the Evil Flow. She vanishes. The planets come out of alignment (SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT MKAY). Ryan appears to be No Longer With Us.

The rangers and all the zords beat the Symbol Guy. Whingy Demon Bratling is sad he won't see his mother again, except then she's totally there. Or something.

Ryan crawls out of the rubble apparently unharmed. LIKE MAGIC. Back at the base, Ryan decides to leave to figure out how to capture the bad guys again. It has Super Dramatic Music. Really it just reeks of "Making new footage is out of our budget now". TSB says, at least they didn't send him to a Peace Conference. AGREED. Although maybe he really went on some secret project for Torchwood...

The only thing that could make that ending more bearable would be if Ryan had been shirtless. Or Carter had been shirtless. Or Ryan and Carter had been making out. OR THEY HAD BEEN MAKING OUT SHIRTLESS! That's how the episode ended in my head.

Why so boring, season? WHY?

Episode 188 - A Golden Homecoming

Previously on Power Rangers - NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS THAT SHIT?

Seriously, the two of us are totally conflicted about this episode. On the one hand, yay Jason! On the other hand - NO SERIOUSLY, WHY IS IT NOT BILLY?

Anyway, the episode opens with Tommy off somewhere without his powers to go get the new candidate for Gold Ranger. It's Jason, in a trenchcoat! We're guessing that Jason stole the coat from his boss at Torchwood. The other Rangers can't track them because that will alert King Mondo, but somehow they'll still know exactly when they can teleport? Whatever, the fish are strong with this one.

And it doesn't matter anyway, because Tommy and Jason get attacked by Cogs, and we get one of the few unmorphed fight scenes of the season. Which, you know, is a thing that we approve of, but WHY IS EVERYTHING ABOUT TOMMY? On the bright side, we do get to see Tommy fall down when he tries to run, so that's pretty great.

Meanwhile, Goldar and Rito have dreams sent to them by Rita and Zedd, mocking them for cleaning house. Zedd returns Goldar's wings and sword, but only if they promise to never be nice again. It's GREAT. Then they antagonize Bulk and Skull, who quite frankly deserve it. I love them, but the slave!RitoandGoldar plot is REALLY AWFUL. Goldar and Rito head off to wherever it is that the dream told them to go, and Bulk and Skull chase after them in Lt. Stone's car.

Back at the Power Chamber, everyone is all "Jason!" Not that most of them have even really met them before. And you know, I really want fic about this episode. I want Tommy's phone call to Jason being all "Come be my boyfriend a Ranger again" and I want Jason and Billy to talk about whether Billy is ok with Jason having the power, and basically I want the emotional consequences of all of this and how it changes friendships.

The other Rangers go and fight some monster while the power is transferred to Jason, and then newly!Rangered Jason goes to help them, but the monsters are too strong. Billy pulls them back before they can summon zords with "sorry, monsters too powerful. LET ME BE USEFUL, OK?"

Then there's some nonsense from Trey about how there are super Zeo Gems that will turn into new Zords, and that fits with nothing we know about the Zeo Crystal, but since that's one of the least faily things about this episode, I'm just going to ignore it. Trey leaves, and Jason waves his staff over the gems (and oh god, that sounds so wrong) and they turn into the Zords, and the five main Rangers go beat up four monsters in them. Except while it's pretty awesome that Kat and Tanya get to beat up a monster together, all the boys can do it on their own, and I just sit there being very grumpy about it.

Rito and Goldar get picked up by Rita and Zedd, and the family is reunited. Awwww. Which is too bad for Goldar, because he's leaving just as Jason's coming back, and you know our feelings about Goldar/Jason. (Hint: It is bad and wrong but also awesome.)

At the youth center, Tommy is all "YES, MY BOYFRIEND IS BACK" and Jason is all "Leaving to join Torchwood was hard, but at least I knew the Rangers were in good hands, and by the way? Totally don't want to be leader again." And then they make out. Well, that would be how I would end it anyway.

Fish: FIVE. WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE ABOUT NO BILLY?

Fic we want: Seriously, emotional consequences of Jason coming back. Where is the conversation between Jason and Billy? Because frankly, that is WAY more important than the fact that Tommy clearly wants to make out with him.

Episode 96- The Great Bookala Escape

Today we learn Billy has an alien fetish! And that sets up for his send-off in even more disturbing ways.

I hated this episode when it first aired. I haven't watched it since then, and yet I remembered it. I wish I hadn't had to watch it today. I will never watch it again. And maybe, just maybe, one day I will be able to scrub it from my brain altogether.

So Billy, Aisha, and Adam are in the park. Doing... whatever supposedly-wholesome teenagers do in parks on sunny afternoons. A small spaceship crash lands and they go investigate. Aisha thinks there's a doll inside, but Billy sees some monitor somewhere that shows a heartbeat, so it's a living hibernating little... thing.

They remember they have communicators and contact Zordon. He says it explains why Zedd is heading towards Angel Grove in Serpenterra. So Zordon actually noticed evil-doing, but didn't bother to contact anybody? I'm beginning to think the only time Zordon actually WINS at anything is when he's in plastic packaging sitting on a shelf [photo courtesy of Bevo, who is awesomely dorky like we are].

They wrap the overly hot spaceship in a blanket and teleport to the Command Center, where they are joined by the others. Zordon tells them it's a Bookala, from the planet Bookala, and is just a space traveler. Billy has to take a large plastic diamond full of sparkly glitter and put it next to the little doll-looking-thing. It suddenly grows and comes to life while Billy comforts it and it learns English. It's almost like they tried to make him sound like Yoda but failed miserably and instead it's just really really offensive.

Zedd wants the diamond, so they break into Skull's dad's garage/basement/workroom place (or rather, they used the same set for this scene) and make a doll!Bookala while Billy fixes the spaceship. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, he FIXES THE SPACESHIP. Because apparently being a genius means you know absolutely everything ever EXCEPT how to properly insert a battery. Some random monster thing goes to get the diamond and attacks the rangers in very badly spliced footage, seeing as he's in a warehouse of entirely different lighting and proportion to the garage the rangers are in. He fails and they escape. So Zedd sends Goldar and they set up the plan with the fake ship.

Goldar actually succeeds for a change! Even Zedd is taken completely by surprise. He puts the fake diamond into Serpenterra and they go about their merry way, while the rangers send Bookala off in his repaired spaceship. As a present, because he's going to miss his BFF Billy, he makes it snow in Angel Grove for a few minutes (and TSB and I had a rousing discussion on the merits of snow... but she grew up with enough snow to be hassle and I, who have always loved having a good foot on the ground, spent 13 years in a climate where even the slightest hint of a snowflake was a sign of the impending apocalypse... you live somewhere hot enough to never snow, and you're going to want to see it. I'm just saying.) Anyway, it's cheesy and stupid and they say tearful goodbyes and then Bookala is thankfully on his way.

We rejoice, for this means the end of the episode! Right?

Or not. That's right, this atrociousness continues. Zedd is mad he got a fake diamond so he makes yet another monster out of the little doll!Bookala the rangers made to distract him. It grows, zords are called, the thundersabre is pulled, and the fight is over. At least it was a short fight.

Back at the Youth Center, Kim has received a postcard from Trini all the way from Torchwood Switzerland. Well, at least one of them still writes! Then Bulk and Skull, who have been trying to take pictures of the alien thinking it's a power ranger, come in and declare they have the identity of the power rangers. Only they ended up taking pictures of themselves and not anything else.

Frankly, I'm just glad the episode is finally over.

5 fish. Just... I'd like to forget this even exists.

Billy speak: borderline... "It appears to be an extra-terrestrial transport."

Episode 93 - Lights, Camera, Action

I've got a stomach virus or something, so I am at home with a lot of soup, but that doesn't stop me from recapping this completely ridiculous episode. There are so many questions that can only be answered by saying that the fish did it. Although I still encourage people to write fic.

So, the episode opens with Aisha giving a report on tv. I still want to know what class it is, since I'm assuming it's the same class that Adam did his report on kaleidoscopes. But besides pondering what class it is, we're both instantly struck with the need to all caps at each other about how OLD we are, because Aisha pulls out a VHS tape to show some footage about TV. Seriously, we are SO OLD.

Aisha finishes up her report, and Ms. Applebee asks the class if they know who the father of television is, and Bulk answers Captain Kangaroo. Seriously? Apparently Captain Kangaroo ended in 1993, but... would Bulk and Skull really have been watching? I'm 25 and I barely know who Captain Kangaroo is. Ms. Applebee basically calls Bulk an idiot, and Adam correctly answers the question.

This somehow leads into Ms. Applebee telling them about their homework - the Power Rangers are going to be on TV that night on a nationwide broadcast (Angel Grove is so its own country) promoting education, since they are apparently worldwide ambassadors of education. Everyone in class needs to watch the broadcast and then write a report on it. I have a few suggestions on things they could talk about - the need for some new teachers at Angel Grove High and replacing the curriculum with something that accurately reflects a high school being pretty high up there on the list.

But I keep getting distracted by the actual logistics of this. How was this arranged? Did the newsguy catch them after one of their fights and ask if they would be willing to be on TV? Did they just teleport into the studio and declare themselves proponents of education and say they wanted to be on primetime? Was there a giant press conference where the United Nations declared them worldwide ambassadors of education? These are the things that I think about! Also, I desperately want to read the Rangers' reports about themselves. I'm sure that Tommy's is all about how great the White Ranger is.

Out in the hall, Adam is all freaking out because he doesn't like cameras. He really doesn't want to be on tv! Rocky tries to tell him it will be okay, possibly because he's hoping to make a video of his own later. Billy gets all touchy feely with Adam, and they point out they'll still have their masks on (possibly in the video that Adam and Rocky make also)

Anyway, Zedd is all "Hmm, the Power Brats will be on TV? I should take advantage of this by kidnapping them and replacing them with Evil!Rangers who will spread my message of hate!" That is... actually not a bad plan! Although I'm fairly sure if Zedd showed up at a TV station and demanded that they hold a press conference, they would let him.

So, sometime before the broadcast the Rangers are wandering along the beach when Goldar and some putties show up. Adam is all "crap, Goldar!" because he is clearly terrified that Goldar will take him to Scorpina (or, you know, steal his self-esteem.) So they morph, and there's a fight, and the Rangers win, and Zedd is all "Well, Goldar screwed up, so no evil twins today!" Instead, he makes a camera monster.

At the Harvey Garvey show (yes, that is actually the name) the host is wearing the most ridiculously early 90s outfit, words will not do it justice. Also, the guy is pretty sleazy. The audience is all "We want the Power Rangers!" and I'm just hoping a riot doesn't break out. So the Power Rangers all come out, and there's a lot of martial arts and some ridiculous pyrotechnics, and then the host goes straight to commercial. Oh, and Bulk and Skull have a plan that will try and expose the Rangers identities on live television. This will obviously fail, and Bulk will get hit in the head a lot, and I'm not going to even bother to mention it again.

Harvey Garvey asks the Rangers if education has helped them. The answer is clearly not, since they go to Angel Grove. Also, the guy is making it sound like they're already out of school (of course, nobody suspects that it's a bunch of high school kids) and the Rangers encourage this, talking about how all of the monsters have a weakness, and they have to use their heads to figure it out. I'm sure that Tommy has a very hard head.

Also, Rocky is pretty much sitting on Adam and Aisha, and this is very important.

Anyway, Kimberly and Billy talk about the Pudgy Pig and we're all happy to see the old footage. Pudgy Pig is awesome!

The next question has absolutely nothing to do with education, and instead Harvey Garvey asks about how they do all those kicks, so Aisha and Rocky give him an impromptu lesson. (Points for involving Aisha in this, since they would usually do Tommy and Adam.) Of course, Harvey Garvey falls.

The next question is directed at Tommy, asking what happened to the Green Ranger. Which brings me to another question - how DO they explain these things? Do people just assume that the Green Ranger died? But Tommy is saved from having to answer this, because Zordon has noticed that Zedd sent down a monster. Alpha initially doesn't want to contact the Rangers, since they are on TV, but saving the world is more important. Tommy answers his communicator on the air, and then the group teleports out, just as Bulk stumbles onto the set to try and pull off their helmets.

The only notable thing about the conversation in the Command Center is that Tommy says "lights, camera, we're morphin into action." What the fuck.

Anyway, there's a fight, Zords are summoned,you know the drill. It was pretty boring.

The next day, Ms. Applebee is asking students about the broadcast. One guy (who appears to have a mullet) says that since the Rangers think education is cool, he does too. If the Rangers all jumped off a bridge, I bet he would. Then Ms. Applebee asks Rocky what he thought, and Rocky smirks and says that the Rangers reached out and touched him. I'm sure that Adam did all night long. :D

Ms. Applebee says that they really touched her (although hopefully not in the same way) and that they touched people all over the world. Really, I thought this was only a nationwide broadcast? Okay. And apparently Zack, Trini and Jason were all watching, since they faxed the school to say how great it was. I'm surprised that Torchwood let them contact everyone, and also amazed that they didn't directly contact the other Rangers. I guess they are all sad they weren't invited.

Bulk and Skull show up late, expecting to be treated like stars since they crashed the broadcast. Instead, they get more detention.

Fish: FIVE. The fish clearly arranged everything

Covered in: Bulk gets hit by a bunch of stuff. Apparently we're backsliding.

Billy speak: If there was any, we were too distracted by the fish to notice.

Episode 88- The Power Transfer Part 2

Ah, bondage. My favourite way to start a recap!

This episodes opens where the last one left off. The Stone Canyon Trio is tied to a tree... with chains. Heeee.

Adam immediately comes up with a plan. He tells Rocky to scoot around to the other side of the tree out of view while he attempts to grab a soccer ball with his foot. Rocky manages (and if he could slide around a tree, why couldn't he just slide out under the chains?) and Adam, ball in range, yells for him to run. A putty immediately comes over to investigate since he can't see Rocky. Adam kicks the ball at the z and destroys the putty, who drops the keys to the chain within reach of Adam's very limber and talented foot. They quickly unlock and untangle while all the other putties just kind of dance around and do nothing. They destroy a putty as a threesome (it's SYMBOLISM... or something) and then branch off into their own fights. They win, of course, and then use the soccer ball to kick back and forth before destroying the Disco Ball of Sleepy Doom. They then get very physical congratulating each other with high fives, groping of arms, and a hip bump.

Back on the abandoned planet. In the furthest galaxy. That's a few billion light years away. Ahem. Zedd is still destroying upside down pyramids and death stars while the rangers still try to pull the sword from the stone. Seriously guys, none of you are Arthur! You can't get the sword out! Tommy suggests Billy look at the map before they're all destroyed and Billy discovers there is a ring holding the map closed. He surmises the ring will fit on the statues finger, despite being the size of a small child's bracelet. The sword starts glowing and releases. Zedd destroys the entire planet (despite Goldar's warnings that they didn't have enough power last episode).

Alpha is teleporting them to the Command Center, but he's having a hard time with it. He gets Trini and Zack. Then he gets Kim and Jason. Finally he gets Billy, who immediately removes his helmet and shoves Alpha out of the way to recalibrate stuff and retrieve Tommy (who's missing in the ether of the teleportation device). Too bad he succeeds. Tommy shows up with the sword and Zordon tells them it is time to transfer the powers (despite the protests of a very bad Trini impersonator sandwiched in with dialogue from Thuy Trang's Trini and it was just bad). Billy, who just out-techied A ROBOT, can't for the life of him guess who is going to fill the three vacant spots. Gee. I wonder.

Rocky, Adam, and Aisha step out from the shadows and everybody puts helmets back on. Tommy holds up the sword and suddenly Rocky, Adam, and Aisha are morphed. Meanwhile Jason, Zack, and Trini are STILL morphed. They didn't demorph! They just handed over their powers and they didn't demorph! It's insanely fishy.

So the Unemployed Trio leave, never to be seen or heard from again, and the Stone Canyon Trio immediately have to jump into action when Zedd makes a redneck spikey monster out of sludge. Kim tells them they're on call 24 hours a day and we suddenly very badly want fic about a 3am monster attack the night before finals.

Anyway, Serpenterra is back on Earth now and Zedd makes his redneck monster grow. Rocky takes charge and very forcefully (damn, is it hot in here? No? Just me then.) insists he be the one to take care of it. SO HE DOES. Because he is awesome. Zedd calls them half-baked heroes and we dissolve into fits of giggles. We REALLY want fic about that now. Tommy has to go help Rocky at one point and then they call Tor and things get a little hairy, but they beat the monster in the end. Meanwhile the others just kind of stand around and do... what we aren't sure. My theory is Adam and Aisha are explaining the benefits of being in a polyamorous relationship to Kim and Billy so they can understand it's okay if Billy gets in on the Kim/Tommy action (what with his girlfriend going off to Torchwood Switzerland and all).

And before anybody can deal with Serpenterra, he runs out of power and the fight is over. I like that. More fights should end that way. We theorize that perhaps Billy put the battery in upside down, but we're pretty sure Zedd wouldn't let Billy near his precious Serpenterra, no matter how genius with Zords he is.

Later, in the Command Center, they watch Trini, Jason, and Zack leave via the viewing globe. That's right, they didn't even go to the airport to say goodbye. And this was back in the day when you could go right up to the gate and say goodbye! Some friends they are.

We are amazed they made it through the entire episode without once saying "Once a ranger, always a ranger."

List time:
5 fish. Just... five.

Billy speak: "I need to recalibrate the teleporter."

"Amplifying wavelengths."

Covered in food: nobody!

Fic we really really REALLY want: Half-baked rangers, why the Unemployed Trio didn't demorph in the power transfer, and the Unemployed Trio watching the first few fights as non-rangers from Torchwood base Switzerland.

Episode 87 - The Power Transfer - Part 1

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to say our goodbyes. Oh, Jason/Trini/Zack, we did love you, and we're sorry that the whole contract thing didn't work out, but your leaving us allowed us to know and love the Stone Canyon Trio, so it isn't all bad.

Anyway, in this episode we get proof that Angel Grove is its own country. Which I've been saying for a really long time now! The episode opens with a bunch of reporters from different countries (on payphones, we are so old) making calls to their editors to report a very big and important scoop - they have chosen the teens for the peace conference! Sadly, Clark Kent is not one of the reporters. Seriously, show, we couldn't get a single joke about this? You make me sad. :(

In Angel Grove, everyone (except for Jason/Trini/Zack) is watching tv at the Youth Center to hear about the announcement. Apparently 10,000 people countrywide applied for three spots. There is NO WAY that Angel Grove isn't its own country. Because otherwise they would never choose three teens from the same city. It doesn't work like that. Everyone seems really bored, except for Bulk and Skull who are all excited to be chosen so they can eat a bunch of Swiss chocolate. I don't really blame them, I want some chocolate. Mmmchocolate.

But of course, they aren't the ones chosen. In case you couldn't tell from the incredibly obvious foreshadowing, they call the names Jason Lee (Scott), Zack Taylor, and Trini Kwan. The three of them aren't there to celebrate, and Billy/Kim/Tommy seem really surprised by this. They run off to go see Jason/Trini/Zack in the park, and congratulate them. (This whole scene is in shadow. They weren't even trying.) Jason/Trini/Zack seem very surprised by this.

I'm going to take this opportunity to rant about this whole situation. Look, they keep talking about how maybe Billy will be chosen. Did Billy apply? Did they not know that Zack/Trini/Jason had applied? Why hadn't Zack/Trini/Jason been informed in advance that they had been selected? What if they decided not to go? Did nobody bother to discuss the situation with Zordon about maybe setting up replacements in case they were chosen? Did they have any say in the matter at all? Why does this episode have so many fish?

Anyway, I feel there should be fic about this whole process. Maybe we could sort out some of the fish in the process.

At the Command Center, they reuse old footage so that Zordon can lecture everyone for a while about what an honor this is and how now maybe Jason/Trini/Zack could save the world. Tommy is wearing Green, and it is driving me crazy.

So, they need to select new Rangers. Or rather, Zordon needs to select new Rangers. Nobody else has a say in the matter, and they seem to be all confused as to who the new Rangers will be. Hmm. Three teens, know how to fight, already know identities? Gee, I wonder. (Seriously, I know this is a kids' show, but how stupid do they think we are?!)

Anyway, this version of the Power Transfer is apparently wicked complicated. None of this just giving people the coin nonsense. Instead, they need to go to the Deserted Planet in the Farthest Galaxy and retrieve the Sword of Light. So they teleport out, and we rage in all caps for a while that even if they were traveling at the speed of light, if they were going billions of lightyears away it would take A VERY DAMN LONG TIME to get there. Also, Zordon makes a point of explaining Tor to them, except we met Tor yesterday, so IDEK.

Zedd sees that they are leaving, and announces that they will chase the Rangers with Serpenterra. My reaction was basically "Aww yeah, Serpenterra!" complete with victory arms. But since Zedd needs to distract Zordon while he chases after the Rangers (... um, sure) he sends Squatt and Baboo down to Angel Grove Park with a giant disco ball that squirts perfume that puts people to sleep. I'm not sure why Zedd didn't just, you know, TAKE OVER THE WORLD while the Rangers were away. Fail, Zedd! (At least he has the most awesome Zord ever.)

So, we get to the Deserted City on the Deserted Planet, and it is totally awesome, and I really expect The Doctor to be there, since it would be right up his alley. (Billy would be the best companion ever, y/y?) Anyway, the architecture of this city is awesome, including floating upside-down pyramids and mini death stars. Zordon has given them a map to the statue that holds the Sword of Light (why they couldn't just teleport to the statue, I have no idea) and the map is secretly a fire escape map with a drawing of a statue.

Back on Earth, the Stone Canyon Trio have officially transferred to Angel Grove! And they are wearing matching outfits, because they are all dating each other! And they don't stop touching each other, and I love them all so much, you have no idea.

Bulk is kinda cute, and offers to help Aisha open her locker. Seriously, Aisha, why are you giving him your locker combination? You should know better. (Rocky and Adam have lockers right next to each other, so at least they won't be disturbing others while they make out in front of them. Who wants to write me that fic?) As Bulk tries to get Aisha's locker open, the pink cloud comes in. Aisha's locker is apparently filled with balls and food, so the SCT bends down to pick it up, so the cloud passes right over them. Zordon teleports them out, and explains about the perfume squirting disco ball. He tells them he's sending them to the park, but he'll send them downwind of the gas. He doesn't bother to offer them gas masks or anything. They get down there, and Zedd (from a billion light years away) notices and demands they send down Putties. The SCT gets chained up. With chains. We both start giggling a lot.

Back on the Deserted Planet, Jason summons all the Zords to fight Serepenterra. We're not really sure how, we guess the fish brought them along. Honestly, I still don't know how they even got the Zords there. So many fish. Anyway, then he's getting his ass kicked, so they call Tor, and Tor nearly gets squashed. Why Zedd is attacking the whole Deserted City, I have no idea. Tor nearly gets squashed again, but Zedd stops attacking. I don't even know.

Meanwhile, Tommy finds a statue, and wonders if it is the statue they're looking for. Gee, a statue with a sword? Could it BE? Tommy tries to pull off the sword, but he fails. Because he's not King Arthur. Seriously, show, don't you know this? Jason shows back up, and tells them how he got his ass kicked. They all shoot at the statue, and all together try to pull out the sword. As they try, Zedd decides he will blow up the whole planet. Now we know who actually destroyed Vulcan!

In conclusion, Tommy is impotent and Zedd is menacing. We'll continue this tomorrow!

Fish - FIVE. SO MANY FISH.

Episode 85- A Monster of Global Proportions

Now, today's episode is off the wall. It's Angel Grove hosting the World Peace Summit! It's blatantly obvious on the lack of Jason, Trini, and Zack, and even more obvious on the clearly older footage for the five seconds they were shown.

So we start out with our Ranger Trio (Billy, Kim, and Tommy) getting ready to start the World Peace Summit. For teenagers. That is being held in Angel Grove. That place that is plagued by violence and monster attacks. Yeah. GREAT place to hold a PEACE summit.

Our Trio is joined by our New Trio. Rocky and Adam apologize for the workout that went a little longer than planned and Aisha just looks cute and claps for Billy up on stage. Billy first makes mention of the sculpture created by the art students at Angel Grove High and then introduces the teens from the summit. I cringed through the whole thing. They couldn't have gotten more stereotypical if they'd TRIED. First we have Themba (Tamba) from South Africa. Followed by Charlie from Australia (and I could have wept for the wrongness of it all... he was wearing a leather vest and a cowboy hat! I'm so sorry Australia). Pablo from Mexico (and I'd like to apologize to you, as well, Mexico). Boris from Russia (at least he wasn't blond? But that's not saying much...) Chun Mei from China (sigh, I give up, show). And the chairperson. Blonde haired fair skinned Tamara from Israel (and yes, I know Israel is very diverse, but they went all uber-stereotype with everybody else and they give us a blonde fair middle eastern female with a Russian name? Tamar I would believe. Noa would have been even more stereotypical).

Chairperson Tamara says she looks forward to spending time in their fine country and we both choose to view this as her confirming TSB's theory that Angel Grove is, in fact, it's own country.

Bulk decides the six teens from Other Places must surely be the Power Rangers. Despite the fact that they've just arrived in Angel Grove and the Power Rangers have been around for a year now. Logic clearly has no place in this how.

Meanwhile, Zedd is stalking Tommy and decides he wants super SMART evil rangers, so he's going to kidnap the six foreign teens from the World Peace Summit. Good plan, Zedd!

Later, in the park, Tommy, Rocky, and Adam are showing the Torchwood recruits World Peace Summit teens some martial arts. Billy is off to the side with Chairperson Tamara having a picnic. He's super smooth and asks if all the girls in Israel are so pretty. She flirts back and randomly looses her accent.

Then they're all attacked by putties! Billy sends Tamara off to the Youth Center while he goes to fight off the putties with the Tommy, Kim, and the Stone Canyon Trio. They send the WPS kids running for safety. Clearly these kids need to read the Torchwood training manual a newspaper, because they have no idea what putties are. As they flee to safety, Goldar snatches them.

Our Ranger Trio must go to the Command Center, so the SCT are sent to look after the WPS teens. Lord Zedd has them, however, and demands the power coins. They contact Jason, Trini, and Zack (in the five seconds of old footage with Zack's season 1 hair) and everybody morphs. Goldar is waiting for them and they hand over a box of power coins. Goldar is apparently too stupid to realize that they can't be real coins because the rangers are STILL MORPHED. Apparently he didn't learn from the last time they handed over their coins. They demand he release the teens and he, of course, says no. JUST LIKE LAST TIME. Seriously.

Anyway, Billy laughs maniacally because of course they didn't hand over the real power coins. Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull end up walking along a cliff above this little confrontation, and we both cackle for reasons that cannot be stated at this point in time. Goldar eventually teleports away and the teens are rescued. They all know the Power Rangers of course and are delighted to have been saved by them. *eyeroll*

Bulk and Skull then fall off the cliff and pick up the discarded box of coins. Bulk is sure they know who the rangers are now and hands the box to Skull, who promptly begins to eat one of the coins. Because it's gelt. And gelt is tasty (and now I wish we hadn't eaten all the Chanukah chocolate).

There is a VERY RANDOM fight scene where Zedd makes a monster out of the sculpture from the beginning and they all have to get their zords and fight. It's incredibly out of place and I'd hate it except that we get introduced to Tor! I love Tor. He's awesome in his own right and shouldn't be carrying around the other Zords... he can beat monsters all on his own! Hell, to beat this monster, he SQUISHES IT. Seriously he lands on top of it and squishes it flat. Awesome, Tor!

Back at the Youth Center, we're at the end of the World Peace Summit. Damn but that was short. There wasn't time to learn anything! Though Chairperson Tamara would have us believe otherwise apparently. Anyway, the SCT talk about the Ranger Trio being, y'know, POWER RANGERS in the middle of the audience. I'm not sure they fully understood the meaning of secret in that secret identity promise. Billy totally macks on Tamara one last time and then wishes the world could live in peace.

List time!
4.5 fish. It would have made more sense if they'd said it was Torchwood recruiting, even before RTD had created Torchwood.

Billy speak: none, but hot damn did he look really good AND smooth talk the ladies. I miss my awkward geek. :(

Covered in food: nobody, but there was some tasty gelt!

Episode 81 - Zedd's Monster Mash

Do you know what Saturday is? Saturday is going to be Stone Canyon Trio day! That's right, we have officially reached the point where Zack/Trini/Jason are gone, and we're going to meet their replacements, including my favorite. (Okay, so I momentarily debated asking if we could skip this episode, just so we could get to Stone Canyon earlier. I have a favorite, okay?) If Saturday's posts are filled with all caps flailing.... well, you've been warned in advanced. (Luckily for everyone, will be writing two of them.)

Anyway, it's a good thing we didn't skip this episode, because it was actually really awesome. It's Halloween again. Okay, so this is the first one that officially references Halloween, but costume parties and pumpkin themed tv shows totally scream Halloween to me. But the important thing is to talk about the costumes - Kim is a jester (so glad she's not a princess. SO GLAD), Billy is a mad scientist, and Tommy is a pirate. Ernie is a crazy 20s gangster, and Bulk and Skull are soldiers of some sort. And there are a bunch of tiny children dressed as Power Rangers. I mean, if you lived in Angel Grove, wouldn't you go as Power Rangers? (I would totally go as a Power Ranger now, so I may not be the most biased person in the universe. In fact, I am totally going to be the Pink Ranger this year, and nothing will stop me.)

In important things that are setting up for the Stone Canyon Trio, Billy and Kim have a discussion about the Torchwood World Peace Conference. They are both excited for it, except they worry what would happen if one of them gets selected for it. Aww, foreshadowing, so cute.

An amazing event occurs! We see the actual parent of a tiny child, who talks about how exciting it is that the teens are going to chaperone their kids on Halloween. I'm just amazed that the show is remembering that parents exist.

Up on the moon, Zedd is all excited about the holiday! It is right up his alley, except something is missing. He needs Tommy. Zedd is totally trying to beat out Goldar for the creepy obsession with the Ranger thing. Except while Goldar drove Jason off to join Torchwood, we're stuck with Tommy a while longer. So Zedd decides to throw his own Halloween party (and Baboo wants to be Little Bo Peep, which is so amazing I don't even have words for it) and invite Tommy.

Bulk and Skull show up, and for a minute we're afraid that they're going to be chaperones, but instead Bulk is going to eat some really hot candy, and then bob for apples. He then gets an apple stuck in his mouth, and we get a pig comparison, complete with sound effects, and I guess it's been a while since we've used the fatphobia tag. Thanks, show!

Zedd's plan is to have a bunch of putties turn into children and then separate Tommy from everyone else. The Putties turn into BABY RANGERS and I am overcome by the SHEER CUTE. Tommy takes them out (although I have some nitpicks about the plan. How did they know that Tommy would be the one to be assigned them? Didn't they make a point of saying that the parents had to sign the kids in and out?) but considering some of the fish that the show gives us, I really shouldn't be nitpicking.

Bulk and Skull see the tiny Rangers, and wonder if maybe the Rangers can shrink. This is so stupid I don't want to acknowledge it. However, they go around pulling off the helmets of the kids, and we see that there's a female red, and I start all capsing out of the sheer awesome. And then Bulk and Skull get covered in silly string, and honestly, they totally deserved that one.

Goldar shows up, and the putty!children turn into regular putties, and there's a fight scene. After Tommy beats them all, Goldar just teleports him to the Dark Dimension. I have no idea why they bothered with the plan and the fake children at all if Goldar could just do that. But Tommy ends up in a graveyard, and there's a really stupid new monster, and then Zedd decides to finally take our advice and just have a whole bunch of monsters. First we get the Pumpkin Rapper which means that we are totally going to subject you to this monster's horrible rhymes. Oh, and he steals Tommy's morpher.

Meanwhile, Kim and Billy have noticed that Tommy is missing, and that these children don't actually exist. Zordon hasn't bothered to call them, so they go to the Command Center and realize that yeah, he's actually been kidnapped. Again. Oh, Tommy. They manage to locate him on the viewing globe, and Billy wonders why Tommy isn't morphed. Kim immediately says it's because he's lost his Power Coin. I love that this happens often enough that Kim doesn't need to think about it. Some leader you are, Tommy!

The Pumpkin Rapper gets some allies in The Snizard (who also showed up in Island of Illusion), the Primator, the Robogoatthe Invenusable Fly Trap and the Rhinoblaster. With all these monsters, the Rangers should be doomed!

But no, because Kim and Billy show up, and they help Tommy get his morpher. Still, they're pretty outnumbered, so Alpha says that he will go and watch the children that Trini/Jason/Zack are supposedly escorting, reusing his costume excuse. So we get the shortest Zord summoning sequence in a while, yet only the Pumpkin Rapper bothers to grow. I mean, what was the point of summoning all those monsters? Oh, Zedd. You should hire us to explain the evil overlord rules to you. The Pumpkin Rapper is easily defeated, again.

Back at the Youth Center, Bulk and Skull ate too much candy and everyone laughs at them.


Fish: 2.5 Mostly nitpicks. They just all added up!

Covered in: Bulk gets covered in water and Bulk and Skull both get covered in silly string.

Pumpkin Rapper Speak: "maybe you did, but it's time to get sad. Because of Lord Zedd's power we're back and we're bad!"
"Hey don't play, he's getting away"
"You better just quit or you'll get hit"
"rangers this aint no play, 'cause you're going down today"
"It's so cool that is hot, rangers in a real spot?"
"I can't believe you dare to try and make this fair"
"I get bored with tinhead zords"
"that was uncool, so take this fool"
"we're going to fight to say goodnight"
"On the ground, clown."
"You brats! What's with that?"