Episode 202 - Ranger of Two Worlds - Part 2

I was already cranky before this episode started, and now I'm EXTRA cranky. And unlike Queenriley, I didn't even have anything to drink to dull the pain.

WHATEVER.

Look, this episode should be awesome. It's our first teamup! You know what my feelings about teamups are? Pretty much that they are the BEST THINGS EVER. And it isn't even that I have an objection to the old!Billy plot. I don't even really have an objection to him moving to Aquitar. It is the execution of this combined with the poor acting on the part of fake!old!Billy and the poor dubbing that PISSES ME OFF. Well, that and the behind the scenes thing, but we've ranted about that before and I'm going to try not to curse a lot.

So, the episode begins with the Zeo Megazord under evil control with Billy stuck inside it. The other Rangers realize that hey, they have another Zord, so they take off after it, in what should be a great Megazord vs Megazord fight. Of course, they promptly lose control of their Zord to the ugly purse monster (because Finster is the best), while Cestro hits a control panel a few times which allows them to teleport Billy out.

Bulk and Skull are taking their detective license test (completely unsupervised) and a monster attack starts. They assume that this is part of the test and just keep working. Oh boys. They are... not very smart.

The Rangers decide to summon Auric, who attempts to convince the monsters that they are behaving badly. Seriously, he asks them if their behavior is really fair to the citizens of Angel Grove. How great is that? Kat's plan to take control of the Megazords again works, but wasn't much of a plan. They just... jump in, and also take advantage of the fact that Ugly Purse Monster is stupid.

Meanwhile, Delphine suggests that they use the Fountain of Youth Water from Aquitar and summon Cestria to bring it, and we're busy all capsing NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO for a while, and also we're distracted by old!fake!Billy's weird folksy southern accent. Also, Cestria's outfit is the fugliest thing I've ever seen on this show. So Billy leaves with Cestria to get more treatment, and he doesn't even say goodbye and there is some SERIOUS RAGE.

While we're busy protesting Billy's departure, we get our first real teamup. THIS SHOULD BE AWESOME. 11 Rangers fighting together? WHY IS THIS EPISODE NOT GREAT? The Aquitians are just awesome and I love Delphine and just... why are they in such a shitty episode? Anyway, while the Aquitians + Jason handle the Cogs, the other Rangers calls their Zords to fight the monster, which includes such things as Kat and Tanya's zords doing the care bears stare. Then the monsters combine into one monster, and the Zeo Rangers summon their Zords and are all "yeah, we're done playing around" so they just pretty much bring out all the toys and smash the monsters to bits.

Bulk and Skull discover that a) they passed the test and b) they only passed because the examiners were impressed that they finished the test during a monster attack and promptly pass out into their ice cream.

AND THEN IT HAPPENS. We honestly debated just pasting our chat, but it's just a giant string of profanity interlaced with "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" so that's pretty pointless.

Cestria and Billy call and it is SO BADLY DUBBED and the words don't match the mouth at all and it doesn't even SOUND like Billy and DISTRACTED BY RAGE and basically for some reason Billy is staying behind to marry Cestria OR WHATEVER. Personally, I choose to believe one of the following possibilities.
1-The anti-aging thing actually worked too well and Billy is about to be 10 again and doesn't want everyone to feel guilty. (THIS IS BACKED UP BY HIM "BEING SPEECHLESS" AND VANISHING FROM THE SCREEN)
2-Billy is actually going to be busy creating the Turbo and/or Phantom powers and/or has been offered the opportunity to be a Grid Master.
3-BILLY CRANSTON, INTERGALACTIC SUPER SPY. Someone write me this immediately.
4-He's actually headed back to Earth to join Torchwood with Trini and Zack.

Fish: FIVE. ALL THE FISH.

Covered in food: REALLY, BULK AND SKULL? REALLY?

Fic we want: There are four possibilities up there! *points*

Episode 191- The Scent of a Weasel

Let me start off by saying most of this episode was incredibly boring to me. I don't like fashion. I don't UNDERSTAND fashion... as in it literally makes no sense to me no matter how hard I try. For me, clothes are meant to keep you warm and they HAVE to be comfortable. If it's not comfortable, it's not worth it. And very little clothing is actually comfortable. So I don't get fashion and I don't get fashion shows or models or anything like that. Don't bother trying to explain it to me. I won't get it, it would be a waste of time. Nod and smile and enjoy the fashion bits yourself, mkay?

So we start off with a charity fashion show. We have no clue what the charity is and all it seems to really be doing is promoting a perfume, but whatever. Some dude with a bad French accent is using local talent in the show with one supermodel. Rocky is part of this local talent. He runs into other people. Poor Rocky.

Detective Stone is in charge of guarding the supermodel. He puts Bulk and Skull on the job which is actually a really good idea for a change. Bulk kind of fails, but Skull is actually in the show as a skunk and does a good job watching out for her. He accidentally knocks over a huge bottle of the perfume and it spills all over the supermodel, who now STINKS. Skull apologizes and they have the most adorable exchange ever and I LOVE THEM SO GUYS, OKAY? BEST PART OF THIS WHOLE EPISODE. (Also, Jason Narvy is definitely the best actor of the whole entire series EVER)

Meanwhile, the stinky supermodel gives Machina an idea. She makes a skunk monster that makes people smell. 5 year old children everywhere ignore the rest of the episode and focus on the Fart Monster. The rangers can't smell the bad through the helmets, but they got skunked and Billy has to try to find a remedy.

There is also some subplot of a thing hurtling towards Earth and Billy keeps trying to make contact with it instead of actually trying to protect the Earth from it and y'know, I appreciate his alien fetish and all, but there comes a time when not blowing up the Earth is more important than making contact! It turns out it's a wheel zord from Trey. It's just like Tommy's except Jason gets to pilot this one. Joy.

There is a boring fight where the rangers blow up the skunk monster by exploding his butt, and the show totally lost the 5 year old children completely here. He grows, they fight, they win, yada yada boring.

At the fashion show, Jason decided to impress Emily (whom he's entirely smitten with, by the way) by volunteering to model. They put him in golf pants, but at least he's wearing red. Supermodel thanks Detective Stone for putting Skull in charge of her safety. He did a great job and even got the smell off her by bathing her in lots of tomato juice. At the end of the show, he promotes the perfume and she kisses him. AWWWWWWW.

2 fish. It was pretty low, all things considered!

Fic we want: Emily totally breaking up with Jason because she has a crush on the Gold Ranger. You know it could happen.

Episode 182- The Power of Gold

In this episode, the rangers can't fight Cogs. The Gold Ranger shows up and pwns everyone, Ranger and Mondo alike, with the voice of a former VR Trooper. Billy goes all Emo Ranger and has a sad because he's not a Ranger anymore. OR IS HE?

So we start off with the rangers being split up to answer distress calls. Adam and Tommy go one way. Rocky, Tanya, and Kat go to the other side of Angel Grove. Neither finds anything. Rocky suspects squirrels. Then Billy notices Cogs in the trees and gets all distressed. The Rangers fight. And fight. And fight some more. They are losing horribly. The monster, Wolfbane who looks nothing like a wolf, ends up where Rocky, Tanya, and Kat are and he manages to kick their asses some more.

Suddenly a big pyramid from space enters the atmosphere and disrupts Mondo's network to his bad guys and he's forced to recall them. Billy discovers this pyramid from space is an alien. He gets all kinds of excited over it. He has a plan to figure out what's going on and sets up some device... one in one location, one in another. He really should have had Adam go to the second location as he's the only one that has shown himself competent to keep up with Billy's devices, but instead Adam hangs with Billy and Tommy while Rocky, Tanya, and Kat go set up elsewhere.

Billy disappears at random as the monster shows up. Suddenly the new ranger makes an appearance. It's the Gold Ranger! *swoons* He calls on his pyramid zord and beats the bad guy, because the Rangers just couldn't do it themselves. They discuss whether he be friend or foe when he disappears himself. They go back to the Power Chamber and can't find Billy, but Zordon says finding the new Ranger is their top priority (NO ZORDON, THEY NEED TO FIND BILLY). Luckily Billy walks in and wonders what's going on. He has something to take care of, which is why he was gone for so long, and completely missed the Gold Ranger.

Total setup for him being Gold! Totally blindsided by the actual result. *has a sad*

Basically it was a boring episode that made no sense and had A LOT of fighting, but Billy was very pretty throughout. It was so boring TSB and I spent most of the episode discussing our first forays into computer use back in the early to mid 90s. Because we were THAT bored.

4 fish. Just because.

Episode 151 - Water You Thinking?

Hey - there's still time to sign up for the holiday fic exchange!

Anyway. This episode. It is RAGE INDUCING. Look, I love the Alien Rangers, but I freaking HATE the Zeo Quest. Why? Because it is all "Let us hit EVERY SINGLE STEREOTYPE we can think of!"

Also, the fish showed up in this episode as an actual plot point. You know this is going to be bad.

So, the episode begins with the baby!Rangers preparing to go on their quests. Aisha is snarky, Adam is worried, and Rocky is confused and has bad hair. It is like, everything I love in the world. The Aquitian Rangers give the baby!Rangers advice on their quests, and they're told to look to their heritage, and there's some nonsense about time travel and ending up in different eras, etc. As soon as they all jump through the hole, Cestro nearly passes out again from lack of hydration. Apparently, finding a pure water source is really hard. Whatever. So they decide to go to the Aquarium and ask the fish. NO, REALLY.

Zedd isn't going to try to use a weak monster, he's going to call in an old friend. Also, he's going to put up a forcefield around the Earth to prevent the Aquitian Rangers from calling their battle borgs. Except, you know, don't they also have the Shogun Zords?

Rocky lands in stereotype!Mexico. I proceed to have a rage blackout over his entire "plot" so I'm going to put it here. Rocky speaks no Spanish, but it's okay, because the random kid he runs into speaks perfect English (his English is way better than his Spanish was) but he also speaks Gratuitous Spanish! Because, you know, he can carry on a (relatively) complex conversation about a crystal in a volcano and a legend, but he doesn't know the word YES. So the kid takes Rocky to the volcano, and Rocky climbs into the (pink) volcano, and pulls out the crystal, and the whole village was waiting for him when he gets out! Because it turns out that the crystal was destabilizing the volcano, and Rocky pulling it out saved the village. But everyone else was too scared to do anything. Oh, and the random kid is Rocky's grandfather. And then Rocky teleports out in a blue triangle. LET US NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN.

Back in Angel Grove, Bulk and Skull are in detention. They have on Alien Rangers buttons, and Skull wants to know who would win in a fight - Darth Vader or the Alien Rangers. Bulk tells him he's stupid, because the Alien Rangers are real, and Darth Vader is not. (He should have asked about Batman instead. Batman exists in their universe!) Then Skull asks about Klingons. And then Dracula. I demand to know the answers to all of these questions. (I bet his next question was about Daleks.) Also, baby!Skull is such a geek, I love him. The boys then claim that they're going to do their science project on fish in honor of the Aquitian Rangers, and I start laughing.

At the Aquarium, Cestro communicates telepathically with a fish, which tells him to go to a quarry to find water. I think the fish are working for Zedd. The rest of the Aquitians stand around and are confused as Bulk and Skull ask to be beamed up to their space ship. So, Cestro gets ambushed and the others show up to help, and as predicted, they can't summon their Battle Borgs, so instead there's the Shogun Zord. The end.

Under the Command Center, Goldar and Rito are still trying to locate the Command Center. They separate, and Goldar leaves a trail of popcorn. Rito eats it. There are hijinks.

Fish: FIVE. ALL THE FISH IN THE WORLD.

Fic we want: AQUITIAN RANGERS VS EVERYONE.

Questions that need to be answered:
1-How are they explaining the disappearance of the baby!Rangers?
2-Where the hell is Billy living?
3-If there's time travel involved, why don't the Rangers reappear at the exact time they left?
4-How are they explaining Billy's friendship with the Aquitians? Is he their bodyguard or something?
5-How do the Aquitians speak Earth!Fish as well as Aquitian!Fish?
6-The only reason Doctor Who wasn't listed in the geeky things is because Skull is secretly The Doctor, Right?

Fic we want: AQUITIAN RANGERS VS DRACULA

Episode 149 - The Alien Trap

Previously, on Power Rangers - Delphine and the Aquitian Rangers are awesome. Billy is an adult again, so we get some eye candy. There is angst over lack of water.

I do like the credits for this miniseason, except why don't the Aquitian Rangers get to be in the credits? That is ridiculous.

The episode opens with Tommy and Kat standing over Billy's science experiment. There's a ton of exposition, and frankly, I have no idea how Tommy is able to pronounce all of that stuff anyway. The device is going to do something to turn Earth water into Aquitian water. It's a vaguely freaky looking device, but this in no way makes what happens next ok.

Crazy grandma comes over and starts deciding that tiny children (and they're like 10) should not be allowed to be playing with science experiments. She starts ranting about handing them (and the experiment) over to the proper authorities and starts going on about irresponsible parenting. I think she needs a copy of Free Range Kids.

Luckily, a confrontation is prevented by the arrival of Billy! Who tells the annoying grandma that Tommy and Kat are his little brother and sister and he told them to stop playing with his experiments. Then he threatens to take away their allowance. It is pretty much the best thing ever.

Then we pause to wonder how they explained the disappearance of baby!Billy. The fish are strong with this one.

There's a lot more exposition (mostly delivered by Ms. Accent Fail) and we ignore it because we're distracted by Billy's arms. Nice arms.

Up at the Command Center, Cestro needs to rehydrate. For some reason the only place this will work is at the abandoned part of Angel Grove lake? Look, IDEK, fish.

Everyone is at the lake, and the Aquitian Rangers have discovered ice pops. Then they wander over to the lake where they discover Bulk and Skull fishing. They're horrified by this and attack Bulk and Skull, knocking them into the water.

Um. They're from a water planet. Are there really no predators on the water planet? Do they just eat plankton? Or do they just eat the water? I...I... FISH.

Zedd sends Rito and Goldar down to bother the Rangers, and they easily beat them. Zedd then realizes that the flaw in his plan is that they keep relying on Rito and Goldar, so he instead sends down surfer monsters. Who are going to put Lunar Toxins in the lake.

They're going to dump space shit into the lake, you guys. I don't even KNOW.

The Aquitians fly (WHY DO THEY FLY? THEY ARE FROM A WATER PLANET) and stand on the water (WHY? They are supposed to be ABSORBING IT. Shouldn't they be IN IT?) and start to rehydrate when the water gets all polluted by the space shit.

It turns purple, and we realize what they were really dumping. They were poisoning the lake with leftovers from Ivan Ooze.

Rita then delivers the best line in the episode - "look at the little fish squirm." Indeed they do, Rita. Indeed they do. Because the Rangers are about to steal back the device keeping the Aquitians in the poisoned water by playing tag. And Rito falls for it.

Then Zordon contacts the Aquitian Rangers telepathically and they have to go off and fight, even though they're weak. Because they are Rangers.

Sorry, just got something in my eye. There is a thing that I love, ok?

(Speaking of things I love - David Yost in a wetsuit. Hi there.)

The Aquitian Rangers morph, and then combine their powers to summon Captain Aquitar, and we're straight to a very long Zord fight. It's cool, just because I still like the telepathically controlled Zords, but they summon the Shogun Zords and then the fire sword, and yeah, dead monsters.

The episode ends with Billy saying he can't rebuild the device (... even though he built the original in like, a day, and he already has the plans for it) and the Aquitians have to go back to Aquitar. But they promise that they will be back.

Fish: FIVE. One fish for each Aquitian Ranger!

Episode 147 - Alien Rangers of Aquitar - Part 2

I do not have a Delphine icon! This is unacceptable! Delphine is freaking awesome! And badass! And the first female leader of the Rangers! Plus, Rajia Baroudi is the nicest ever.

So! We open with the Rangers observing the viewing globe (Not in that way, they're kids!) and we see the five Aquitian Rangers looking back at them. Let's talk about the Aquitians for a second. First, the fact that they are constantly referred to as the Alien Rangers pisses us off. Second, the voice distortion thing is annoying. Other than that, we love them. I mean, it would be great if Tideus or Corcus would get a personality, but whatever. (And way down the road in Forever Red, it would be nice if they called Aurico by name.)

SO.

Delphine says that of course they will go to Earth and help out the Rangers, but she worries about the water content. Considering that like 70% of the Earth is covered in water, I don't really get the problem. Maybe it's the saline level? But they clearly have no problem breathing air, so I'm just going to stick a science doesn't work like that tag on this and stop analyzing it. (Or yell fish. Oh god, the fish jokes.)

We find out that Ninjor gave the Aquitians their Zords, and I would love to know that story. Baby!Adam does emo fairly well, and he wishes they had Ninjor, but apparently the time travel whatever means they won't find him. But they know where he is now and they've already changed things, so the fact that they can't go find him makes absolutely no sense at all. I still stick by my alternate reality theory. The Aquitians say they're going to teleport over, and the Baby!Rangers agree to meet them by the lake.

Then they notice that there's an implosion device (like a bomb, but worse) outside. Apparently making a long distance call weakened their security. I guess if they had to divert a lot of power I could possibly buy that explanation? Alpha insists he will teleport them away so that they'll be safe, and baby!Aisha tells him that they love him, and we start to tear up a little, especially when Alpha says that he loves them too. But he says it after they teleport out, because he can't say it to them, and oh, ALPHA. *cuddles*

Alpha uses a mini-squeegee to disarm the bomb. He's adorable. Master Vile is very annoyed that a mini food processor on legs disarmed his bomb and I can't stop cackling. Master Vile = favorite. The villains sense something good on the way to Earth, and Rita complains that she's allergic to good. Oh, RITA. ♥

At the park, Billy uses the mini viewing globe device to check if things are ok, and then Bulk and Skull show up, and Billy distracts them by babbling scientifically. Goldar and Rito show up, and they are not pleased to see the tiny children, because Rito is convinced he'll get beaten up again. Bulk and Skull run away. (Seriously, Rito says "Not the little people again!" and then we died laughing.)

But wait! The Aquitian Rangers are here! They summon something that is either water or blue energy and beat up Rito and Goldar. The Aquitians are badass, y'all. They exchange names and things, and then Billy stays with the aliens (We guess he got his alien kink early?) while the other Rangers go home since their parents will be worried.

Finster gets trampled by a whole bunch of monsters as Master Vile sends them down to attack. And they attack the Warehouse District. Angel Grove, I love you, but you make no damn sense.

Tiny Billy has finished transferring knowledge to the Aquitians, and then they morph. You guys, it is so awesome. And I love Delphine. I love that they made her the leader, especially because based on the footage it really does look like the Red is the leader. But they made the choice to let her lead, and she is awesome and bad ass and made of so much win.

Plus, they control their Zords telepathically. WIN.

(I do wish they'd used a different shade of blue for Cestro. That color is ridiculous.)

The Aquitian Rangers are badass, and they beat up all the monsters and destroy one using the Shogunzord, and the rest of the monsters run away. Master Vile is so disgusted by this that he has a temper tantrum and then goes back to his own Galaxy. Zedd is so glad to have his father-in-law gone that he kisses Goldar. Someone is shipping that somewhere, right?

Back at the Command Center, the Rangers all celebrate. And then they angst about the water content and how the Aquitian Rangers can't stay there forever.

In conclusion, Delphine is awesome.

2.5 - Except for the science whatever, this was pretty awesome.

Episode 146- Alien Rangers of Aquitar Part 1

Once again we have Tiny Children! I love the episodes with Tiny Children. It's a... thing. Sorry.

So at the carnival, people are running around in fear. They know something is wrong, but nobody else has kept their memories. Also, there are NO other small children running around. So. What. The rangers were the only teenagers at the carnival? Everybody else was in their thirties and forties? Really? And what would have happened to the kids who were under 10 BEFORE time was reversed? Did they just disappear? Apparently, I ask too many questions. Let's move on, shall we?

So the Tiny Rangers decide to head to the abandoned warehouse district. Awwwww. Billy is clearly put in charge. Once there, they meet up with Tiny Bulk and Skull. They are clearly rebel daredevils because they are skateboarding through the abandoned warehouse district... while wearing knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards, and helmets. What baaaddddd boys.

Tiny Bulk and Skull do not recognize anybody but Billy, though the rest of the Tiny Rangers clearly remember them. Why are they the only ones that retained their memories? I just don't get it. Clearly the fish are strong with this episode.

So Rita, Zedd, Goldar, and Rito are huge and stomping around somewhere. Master Vile shrinks them down and reveals his plan. Rito must first go chase down the Tiny Rangers. He catches up to them with some Tengas and attack. The kids are smart, or more to the point Billy is in charge and they all listen to his wisdom without question, and split up. Tommy and Kat run off one way and manage to throw some trash cans at Rito and some Tengas. Rocky, Billy, Bulk, and Skull set up a trap where Rito and a Tenga stand on the end of a catapult and they jump on it, launching them into a shopping cart which careens into a concrete wall. Rocky owns his Bad One Liners by cracking a joke about not forgetting their receipt, and then the kids run away. Adam and Aisha use some construction equipment and rope to throw a beam at some Tengas. The kids try to meet back up, but a cop car pulls up, scaring away Rito and the Tengas. Bulk and Skull run for the cop car despite Billy trying to stop them, but it's too late. The cops have seen the kids and call them out. Tommy and Kat finally catch up but Billy waves them off before the cops see them. The other four attempt to appeal to the cops by calling on their authority as power rangers, except nobody has heard of the power rangers yet and honestly? Tiny Children claiming to be superheroes and using that as the explanation for being in the abandoned warehouse district without an adult? Not convincing. Sorry guys, but you LOOK like little kids. No adult will believe you. They get hauled down to the police station where their parents will supposedly be called.

Honestly, they're all about 10 I'd say. That's plenty old enough to be running around outside playing with friends without an adult. At least in my book. I'm not so sure the abandoned warehouse district is the place to play, but I can't really see a bunch of ten year olds getting hauled off to the station due to lack of supervision. Ushered to a safer area sure, but hauled in? Eh... not so much. Well, maybe by today's uber-paranoid standard, sure, but not so much for the early 90's. Anyway!

Bulk and Skull's mothers pick them up while our Tiny Rangers sit and wait. Tiny Kat, with the WORST accent fail since the inception of the show, calls the station and inquires about her "son" Billy and his friends. She's instructed she'll have to come down and sign for them to be released to her custody. So she and Tiny Tommy come up with a plan. She stands on his shoulders (sitting would have been sufficient, but whatever) and wears a long trenchcoat to cover them both. Billy uses his awesome police hat (that all four of them got, and ice cream to boot!) to cover the cops glasses so he can't see Kat clearly. Apparently NOBODY else in the busy police station notices either, because the kids just walk out the door with Kat on Tommy's shoulders. Mkay then. Angel Grove has a very incompetent police force. And what about their ACTUAL parents? Where are they? Didn't the police call them?

So the kids need to get to the Command Center, but they can't teleport for some reason. So they walk. For HOURS. They get about halfway there when a sandstorm whips up. Luckily, at this point, Alpha and Zordon have figured out that the Command Center itself went back in time too and so it's stuck in spring cleaning mode. The power was out due to a vacuum. Alpha plugs it all back in and power comes back, so he teleports the kids straight to the Command Center. They're so happy to see him! Frankly, they're acting like Tiny Children ought to. Which is confusing because they're supposed to only LOOK like Tiny Children but ACT like their teenage selves. But okay show, I adore Tiny Children stories, so I won't complain here.

So they discover Master Vile is throwing another awesome party in an attempt to draw together all the monsters of the universe. Monsters of the Universe, Unite! They all agree to help take over Earth. The Tiny Rangers don't want to leave it unprotected, but they have no powers and can't do anything. Billy shows his alien fetish and suggests they need Other Rangers (wink wink, nudge nudge). So they discuss calling the Alien Rangers from Aquitar, and Rocky manages to wrangle some continuity into the show by mentioning how they helped Dex! Way to go show!

But wait. What? Alien Rangers? Why are they called the ALIEN Rangers of Aquitar? Wouldn't the Earth Rangers be aliens to the Aquitians? If they are Aquitian Rangers on Aquitar, they aren't exactly aliens to themselves. Oh show. Way to be ethnocentric there. I'll let it slide though, because they are awesome, and, well, Tiny Children! (yes, I have a thing, deal with it)

So the Alien Rangers are Aquitians from Aquitar, which is a planet entirely under water. Far far away. That is ENTIRELY water. The whole thing. WATER.

So Alpha sends out a signal and it travels as a thick green pulsing beam all the way to Aquitar, where it penetrates all that WATER and reaches the underWATER pods the Aquitians live in. The DRY pods filled with AIR. Because on a planet made entirely of WATER, somehow, SOMEHOW, creatures not only managed to evolve that require some semblance of DRY LAND and AIR to breathe (whatever their air may consist of), but they became the dominant species! Of the underwater planet! Science really really REALLY doesn't work that way, show.

So the Aquitians respond and all we see are five faces looking quizzically through the Viewing Globe.

To Be Continued...

5 fish. Just... oh the questions.

Fic we want: What are Trini/Jason/Zack/Kim doing at this point? Do they keep their memories?

Episode 115 - A Friend In Need Part 3

THANK GOD THIS IS OVER. We're going to start the REAL season 3 on Thursday. Then we can go back pretending this didn't exist. At least there was some completely ridiculous innuendo in this episode. We approve of that.

Anyway, the episode opens with Kim fighting the monster. Zordon and Alpha know how awesome Kim is, because they point out the only reason she isn't winning already is because she's really sick. You go, Kim! Zordon says it will be okay, because Kimberly is really resourceful. And she is! She sneezes on the monster, and he gets sick and runs away, not even paying attention to Kimberly's advice on how to get better. (We would like to feed the monster some matzoh ball soup. Mmmmsoup.)

Alpha summons a flying fish to call Tommy on Edenoi, and Tommy says they're busy fighting, so they can't come back yet. Adam expresses concern about Earth, because he is a good boy, and he takes his responsibilities seriously. But they have to help Dex first.

On the moon, the monster is all miserable, and Rita demands that Finster cure the monster immediately. I'm just saying, if Rita and Zedd can come up with a miracle cure for a cold, I would gladly elect them rulers of the world. I hate being sick. The monster has a pretty good work ethic - he's all worried that Rita and Zedd are mad at him, so he doesn't want to rest up, he needs to fight the Rangers first, and then he can go recover. Finster points out that he needs to rest or he'll never get better, and I wonder if the show is trying to tell me that I should call in sick tomorrow since I'm not feeling well.

Back on Earth, Bulk and Skull are trying to impress those two girls by dressing up as Power Rangers. They are ridiculously dorky. They tell the girls that they are the Power Rangers, in living spandex, and that the other Rangers are off polishing their Zords, and I nearly fall off the couch laughing.

On Edenoi, Dex pulls a sword out of his belt in a RIDICULOUSLY phallic gesture, and there is more laughing, because Queenriley and I are secretly twelve. The bad guys run away, and then they claimed that Dex escaped, except he didn't escape, they RAN AWAY. Instead of chasing after Dex, Count Dregon decides he'll just follow the Power Rangers back to Earth, even though they just beat him. Whatever.

Now that the Rangers are back on Earth, the monster grows and terrorizes Bulk and Skull, and then the Rangers summon their Zords (Rocky has to remind Tommy to do it) and there's an incredibly long fight and then they summon the thundersabre and it's all over.

At the Command Center, the Rangers go on about how glad they are that Lexian is safe, and that's when the episode descends COMPLETELY into fish. 1-They never saw Lexian. 2-How is Lexian safe, his planet is under attack. 3-Also, they're pumping poisonous gas into the atmosphere. Adam is all worried about the Edenites, and Billy's alien fetish is showing.

On Edenoi, Lexian tells Dex that their planet is lost (I guess he wasn't so safe after all!) and sends Dex to Earth to stop Dregon and make sure nothing similar happens there. You can find out what happens with that if you watch Masked Rider, but frankly, I don't recommend it.

Fish - 3. What was that nonsense about Lexian?

Episode 114- A Friend in Need Part 2

Today on Power Rangers- the most exposition-centric episode ever.

Okay, so we start off with the rangers and their new "friends" running into the Cave of Exposition. Barely past the mouth of the cave, Dex determines the air is safe to breath and demorphs. Billy is surprised he's humanoid, but I don't know why he's surprised since they were just fighting these guys. Anyway, all the Edenites have shiny stickers, I mean crystals, stuck on their foreheads. These are MIND CRYSTALS and allow them to communicate visually. For exposition purposes, in this show. Tommy comments on their differences (really Tommy? What the crap?) and then, upon learning the planet is enslaved, Adam asks why they let that happen. Oh Adam, honey, no. Just... no. Don't blame the victims! It's not okay. Really, show, did that NEED to be pointed out to you? If I hadn't had as much beer as is actually in my system, that would have set me right off. *sigh*

We get lots of exposition where Dex tells us all about things I don't give a damn about.

Back in Angel Grove, poor Kim is still sick with the flu (as I am recovering from the flu). Bulk and Skull, in the Youth Center, overhear a hot girl invite her friend to a threesome at Sean's house. I knew a Sean once. He played bagpipes (and was hot). Therefore, in my mind, all boys named Sean are awesome... except for the Shawn that Tanya dates in later seasons, because he was a jerk, but his name was Shawn and not Sean so... Sean still stands as awesome. Anyway! So I approve of these girls and their plan to hang out at Sean's house, regardless of how stupid the girls show themselves to be later. Bulk wants to impress the girls and decides that he and Skull, with his classic good looks, should pretend to know where the Power Rangers will be hanging out and have a loud conversation about it. The girls overhear, proving that it is indeed possible to eavesdrop on a loud conversation in the Youth Center, therefor EVERYBODY probably knows who the Power Rangers are at this point. Said girls fall for it and decide to go find the Power Rangers.

Back on Edenoi we talk some more about things I don't care about for a show that is not Power Rangers, and then they get attacked by the Four Horsemen of the Not Really The Apocalypse, and some freaking adorable little bad guys called cogwarts. They use the same shot for these guys about twenty times. Dex turns back into the Masked Rider and the rangers go back to action and they all fight, except the friends who were very competent in fighting the rangers, but apparently are unable to fight the actual bad guys.

Back in Angel Grove, Finster's monster is ready and gets sent down. Poor ill Kim has to go fight it by herself. She is AWESOME and I give her major credit for fighting while all flu-ridden (seriously, I can't even manage to do the dishes with my flu, I barely make it to work, and she's fighting monsters? You are my sickspiration, Kim).

Is it over yet? There's a part 3? Damn.

3 fish. It wasn't fishy, just outright BAD.

Billy speak: "We were told to assess the situation and report back on your well-being."

Covered in food: nobody

Episode 96- The Great Bookala Escape

Today we learn Billy has an alien fetish! And that sets up for his send-off in even more disturbing ways.

I hated this episode when it first aired. I haven't watched it since then, and yet I remembered it. I wish I hadn't had to watch it today. I will never watch it again. And maybe, just maybe, one day I will be able to scrub it from my brain altogether.

So Billy, Aisha, and Adam are in the park. Doing... whatever supposedly-wholesome teenagers do in parks on sunny afternoons. A small spaceship crash lands and they go investigate. Aisha thinks there's a doll inside, but Billy sees some monitor somewhere that shows a heartbeat, so it's a living hibernating little... thing.

They remember they have communicators and contact Zordon. He says it explains why Zedd is heading towards Angel Grove in Serpenterra. So Zordon actually noticed evil-doing, but didn't bother to contact anybody? I'm beginning to think the only time Zordon actually WINS at anything is when he's in plastic packaging sitting on a shelf [photo courtesy of Bevo, who is awesomely dorky like we are].

They wrap the overly hot spaceship in a blanket and teleport to the Command Center, where they are joined by the others. Zordon tells them it's a Bookala, from the planet Bookala, and is just a space traveler. Billy has to take a large plastic diamond full of sparkly glitter and put it next to the little doll-looking-thing. It suddenly grows and comes to life while Billy comforts it and it learns English. It's almost like they tried to make him sound like Yoda but failed miserably and instead it's just really really offensive.

Zedd wants the diamond, so they break into Skull's dad's garage/basement/workroom place (or rather, they used the same set for this scene) and make a doll!Bookala while Billy fixes the spaceship. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, he FIXES THE SPACESHIP. Because apparently being a genius means you know absolutely everything ever EXCEPT how to properly insert a battery. Some random monster thing goes to get the diamond and attacks the rangers in very badly spliced footage, seeing as he's in a warehouse of entirely different lighting and proportion to the garage the rangers are in. He fails and they escape. So Zedd sends Goldar and they set up the plan with the fake ship.

Goldar actually succeeds for a change! Even Zedd is taken completely by surprise. He puts the fake diamond into Serpenterra and they go about their merry way, while the rangers send Bookala off in his repaired spaceship. As a present, because he's going to miss his BFF Billy, he makes it snow in Angel Grove for a few minutes (and TSB and I had a rousing discussion on the merits of snow... but she grew up with enough snow to be hassle and I, who have always loved having a good foot on the ground, spent 13 years in a climate where even the slightest hint of a snowflake was a sign of the impending apocalypse... you live somewhere hot enough to never snow, and you're going to want to see it. I'm just saying.) Anyway, it's cheesy and stupid and they say tearful goodbyes and then Bookala is thankfully on his way.

We rejoice, for this means the end of the episode! Right?

Or not. That's right, this atrociousness continues. Zedd is mad he got a fake diamond so he makes yet another monster out of the little doll!Bookala the rangers made to distract him. It grows, zords are called, the thundersabre is pulled, and the fight is over. At least it was a short fight.

Back at the Youth Center, Kim has received a postcard from Trini all the way from Torchwood Switzerland. Well, at least one of them still writes! Then Bulk and Skull, who have been trying to take pictures of the alien thinking it's a power ranger, come in and declare they have the identity of the power rangers. Only they ended up taking pictures of themselves and not anything else.

Frankly, I'm just glad the episode is finally over.

5 fish. Just... I'd like to forget this even exists.

Billy speak: borderline... "It appears to be an extra-terrestrial transport."