Today on Power Rangers, the Cocoon of Evil kicks some ass.

So the Cocoon of Evil has made it's way to the city. It has lasers! And is impervious to the Rangers blasters! There is a whole plethora of bad guys just lined up waiting and they are not disappointed. The blasters cause a big explosion and the Cocoon of Evil bursts open, tearing a large crater in the concrete. An evil laugh emerges from the rubble.

Olympius rises from the smoke and ash All Grown Up. He's cocky. And apparently rightfully so because he first throws Carter under his boot and then manages to take down the other four rangers in one blow. He kidnaps them and then suffers some kind of migraine. He is forced to retreat.

The bad guys are very boring. Olympius monologues about his plan and restoring his powers and blah blah blah. It's boring. Apparently monsters lose their power in water, so they can't infiltrate the Aqua Base. Except Olympius can totally change his shape to look like the rangers he has trapped in his little star thingy.

Ryan knows an awful lot about Olympius and the Star Power and he explains everything. Meanwhile Olympius approaches as Chad. Chad looks really good evil. He should be evil more often. He throws some dirt on himself and stumbles out to Carter. Carter buys it hook, line, and sinker and takes him straight home. He's not the brightest crayon in the box.

"Kelsey" comes running up and says everybody is back safe and sound and they can call off the search party Captain Awesome ordered. Carter is suspicious but goes with it anyway. "Kelsey" tries to break into the computer. Unsuccessfully. She breaks into Captain Awesome's office instead and, upon being nearly caught, switches to "Dana" instead. "Joel" even manages to fool Ms. Fairweather and gets the doors open. Seriously lady! He didn't hit on you! THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DEAD GIVEAWAY!

This is not actually a bad plan on the part of the bad guys! It seems to be working, mostly because it seems the Aqua Base is full of idiots.

Of course, then Ms. Fairweather figures out there's a problem and tries to stop Joel. It's only when he attacks her that anybody figures out he's not Joel. Olympius changes back into himself and grabs Ms. Fairweather to use as a shield. Yes, let's put the woman in  danger. Great job show.

Ryan attacks from behind. Carter throws Olympius into the water and manages to avoid getting electrocuted despite the massive surge of electricity going all over the place, and then they both end up on the beach. The other rangers are released from the star and the bad guys have to retreat so Olympius can recover from the water issue. One guy stays behind.

There is a fight. It is boring. The rangers win. I can't even remember this bad guy's name.

Olympius beats himself up over losing the rangers. The other villains mock him for being so young.

The other rangers get on Carter about Olympius getting in. They are really mean about the fact that he couldn't tell the difference between Olympius and his friends. They back him up until he falls in the water again. Poor Carter. That wasn't very nice.

5 fish. Oh god show. This was awful. Just... seriously. I cannot wait for this season to be over. It's so god awful boring.

Episode 109 - Storybook Rangers Part 2

Today on Power Rangers - one giant long masturbation joke. Look, I don't make this stuff up, I just report it. This episode might have been the most hilarious episode since the Oysterizer.

The episode begins with Adam, Aisha and Billy in the Command Center. Adam is all worried for Rocky, Kimberly and Tommy, while Aisha is determined. I feel that this pretty much sums up their personalities. I love them. Zordon tells them he's located the book, although he doesn't know what book it is, so the three of them head down to the book fair to see if they can find the book that has the three missing rangers in it.

Meanwhile, the storybook!Trio are in a snowy cave. Rocky is very cold, even though he is wearing more clothing than anyone else. Logic says that he is hoping that they remember that body heat will warm them up. They should share some.

Back in Bulk and Skull's TARDIS lab, they are bringing their monster to life. With some help from Rita and Zedd, although they don't know it yet. The monster does live, and it is a robo!Turkey. Bulk and Skull do the only thing they can - they run.

At the bookfair, the Rangers are somehow really frustrated by the amount of books. I... don't understand. How can you be frustrated by books? (Okay, a book called "Know Your Iguana" could be frustrating. But. But. BOOKS.) They were making fun of the Grumble book, when it starts to glow, and they open the book to see the Storybook!Trio in the book. I don't even know.

Back in the storybook, Grumble shows up in the cave, and tells them that the monster that had been chasing them has been stuck by the snow or something ridiculous like that. They realize they might not get to the end of the book, and Tommy comes up with a really good plan. I'm not even being sarcastic this time! He decides that they should backtrack to the beginning of the book, and have the Magician break the spell on Grumble so the story can end and they can all go home. (Grumble gets my favorite line of the episode - "Couldn't you have picked on Dr. Seuss?")

Zordon notices that there's a new monster, and tells him its name. The roboturkey is called the Turkey Jerk. At first we thought it was an accidental masturbation joke, but... um... well, here's a sampling of dialogue from the episode.

"That turkey's a little hard to swallow!"
"Billy just needs a moment to rest!"
"Go at him from all sides at once."
"Wherever he turns there's a Ranger in his face."
"I just hope our strength holds up!"
"You've launched your last berry!"

Look, it isn't quite as awesome as the Oysterizer, but we were both laughing hysterically through the whole thing.

Anyway, the monster thinks that Bulk and Skull are its parents. Aww! The Turkey Jerk has two daddies! I feel this is oddly appropriate. Skull is worried that if the monster defeats the Rangers it will be their fault, but Bulk has faith in the Rangers. Oh, Bulk! ♥ Anyway, the three remaining Rangers beat the turkey jerk with the power cannon.

Inside the book, the magician is an asshole. An oddly bondage themed asshole, but I guess that's how this show rolls these days. He refuses to help them, and the storybook!Rangers are defeated. However, Aisha, who is reading along in the Command Center, has a plan. But it is NOT a good plan. She DRAWS IN THE BOOK AND THERE IS MUCH SOBBING. So, she makes the toys, and Grumble delivers them, and the book is now DAMAGED and I am all only able to express how I feel in caps and emoticons. >:(

As soon as Grumble gives the toys to the children, the Rangers are free. But Rita and Zedd aren't done with the book yet, and they send the grumpy bondage magician to attack Angel Grove. The Rangers call their Zords, and there's a fight, and it was completely unnecessary to the plot.

Later, at the bookfair, Ms. Applebee is pleased because they've raised a lot of money for the library. Adam is all excited that they got to be in a book. Tommy doesn't like fairytales, which might explain my problem with him. Bulk and Skull return their books, and Kimberly offers up the Grumble book to them instead. However, it appears that the spell is still on the book and Grumble waves at Bulk and Skull, who run away. Don't make them be scared of books, Rangers! This is BAD FORM.

Fish: 3. It was pretty average.

Billy speak: "If I can just figure out a way to alter their molecular structure"

Fic people should write us: Body heat sharing in the cave.

Episode 99 - Rangers Back in Time

I almost can't believe that this episode exists. I mean, neither of us remembered very much about it other than "Rangers get turned into kids" but I'm going to have to watch this episode a million more times because it is PURE GOLD.

You may not agree with me, but apparently a thing that I love is "people get turned into children." There needs to be SO MUCH FIC of baby!Rangers. And fic where Trini/Jason/Zack show up and have to babysit the baby!Rangers! And I just... yeah, I would read a million words of this. Or watch this episode a billion times, even though it makes no sense whatsoever and baby!Rocky has the worst hair I've ever seen.

Anyway, onto the actual episode. We open and the Rangers are in first grade. Well, not really. They're still in high school, but they are having show and tell. Their assignment is to bring in a photo of themselves as a kid, and talk about what it means to them. So Aisha has a picture of herself at a dance recital, Kimberly has a picture from her first gymnastics meet (she lost, I'm amazed) but it taught her to be a good sport. Tommy has a picture of him from a karate match (hard work), Billy took apart his mother's vacuum, Rocky learned responsibility from his dog, Buster, and Adam loves his dad. Bulk and Skull have a joint photo, of how they became BFF. (Or at Bulk put it, how Skull dropped a grape popsicle on Bulk and Bulk decided not to beat him up after. I love them so much.)

I officially have so much fanon about their childhoods it is now officially completely ridiculous. I could babble about that for most of the recap, but I don't think anyone but me wants to read a million words about Adam and Rocky playing in the sandbox together and then Aisha dumped a bucket of sand over both of their heads and told them that they were doing it wrong.

Zedd is all "AHA! I know! If I turn them into children they can't fight me anymore!" Oh, Zedd. This never ends well. So he creates the rock of time which will somehow turn them into children or maybe make time go backwards. It isn't really clear.

Back at school, Billy notices that the clock is running backwards, and he tells Miss Applebee, who is really freaked out about it. She doesn't know what to do. For some reason, calling a janitor is not one of the suggestions. And I have no idea why changing time would make the clocks run backwards. That isn't how this works. No, really. REALLY. I have opinions on time travel, I read a lot of scifi. (Maybe the clock is controlled by fish?)

Then the spell takes hold, and suddenly we are distracted by tiny!Rangers. They look like they're in... third grade? Just a guess? So about nine. Somewhere between eight and ten anyway. But we're suddenly distracted by the horrible hair. It isn't just Rocky's thing, which looks like a cross between a mullet and a hedgehog. Miss Applebee also has an awful wig, and Adam's hair isn't that great either. They just keep going as if nothing is wrong, and we're suddenly distracted by the giant swarm of fish that just swam across the TV.

Okay, the questions. If they did go back in time, why are Tommy, Adam, Rocky and Aisha still in Angel Grove? Why are they in the high school classroom? How have their memories changed so that they still know each other, but they don't know that they're Rangers? Why did the clocks run backwards? Why did their clothes shrink? Why are they doing more advanced work as children then they were doing in high school? Why does Rocky have a mullet? Why isn't Zordon affected? How is Zedd unaffected? Are they back in time, or did they just all get new memories? Is this an alternate reality? How is baby!Aisha so freaking awesome? Why did Queenriley and I accidentally decide that Zack is the Face of Boe? (The answer to that last one is actually that I made the best typo ever.)

So, Miss Applebee and her awful hair ask the students to do long division, and Kimberly gets called up to the board. She does long division, explaining step by step how to do 900 divided by 30. Aww, Kim. You kick ass at math. She goes back to her seat, and it turns out that baby!Bulk and Skull had tried to put a shaving cream balloon on her seat while she was up at the board. But their plan backfired, and they end up covered in shaving cream, and Kimberly only gets a speck on her jumper. Miss Applebee asks what happens, and Aisha stands up to tattle.

I take it back, CLEARLY Aisha, Rocky and Adam became BFF when she ratted them out for doing something. Also, she totally becomes a lawyer when she grows up. Nothing will convince me otherwise.

After class, the baby!Rangers and Bulk and Skull all go to the park. Adam and Billy try to fly a kite together. (Bulk and Skull then steal the kite and manage to get themselves tangled up in the string, at which point all the Rangers make fun of them. Apparently some things never change.) It is so adorable I can't even deal. But both Zedd and Zordon are watching. Zordon is concerned that bringing the Rangers to the Command Center will scare them, and Zedd is out to destroy them. So Zedd sends down some putties to attack the baby!Rangers. Kimberly clings to Billy, and Billy wonders if the putties are lost. And then Adam asks if they want to play, but the Putties attack instead.

I'm sorry, this fight is too adorable for words. Tommy manages to kick a dodgeball into the Z of one of the Putties. All of the Rangers join in, and even baby Bulk manages to destroy a putty! Aww, I am so proud of them! *pinches their cheeks* Zedd is not pleased that the baby!Rangers have managed to defeat the putties, so he turns a camera into a monster, and traps the baby!Rangers in a polaroid.

At the Command Center, Alpha works on a device to fix things, while Zordon worries. DUN DUN DUN.

To be continued. On Thursday.

Fish: FIVE. There are SO MANY QUESTIONS. But this episode was still AMAZING. I hope part 2 is as good.

Covered in: Bulk and Skull get covered in shaving cream, and some random lady at the park gets covered in garbage

Fic people should write us: ADVENTURES OF THE BABY RANGERS.

Episode 57- Fowl Play

To start with, TSB will be going on vacation next week, so there will be no recaps. Alas.

Finally we get the Zack episode I lamented at missing due to the mislabel! Even better than that, it's a Tommy-less Zack episode! Yay!

So we start off with Angela breaking up a fight between two kids while Zack, in a stunning display of actual continuity, puts on a magic show. He's pretty good. Bulk and Skull interrupt, however, and make fools of themselves in attempting to upstage him. All while Bulk has a Twinkie in his mouth. *sigh* Zack is then really mean and surprises them with some fake snakes. Snakes. I thought he was afraid of snakes. But I guess he got over it. Or they forgot.

So Angela tells him that was brilliant (really? Seemed more mean to me...) and then kisses him on the cheek. Okay, so that part was adorable. She walks off and the other rangers walk up and make fun of Zack for it. They're kind of mean about it, but it's borderline between playful and cruel, so I'll let it slide. Jason seems somewhat jealous and tells Zack not to do anything that he wouldn't do and we're left with the unsaid "Like kiss a girl" hanging in the air. They go to the park and Zack stays behind to hit on Angela. Meanwhile, Rita also seems to want to get in on the Zack action and swears she'll show him what a real peck on the cheek is like. Man, Zack is quite the hot commodity here!

In the park, Jason says something about putty and suddenly they are surrounded by putties. Kim poses a lot, Jason has very pretty arms, Trini is awesome, and David Yost is very pretty and obviously a gymnast.

Moving on, Angela asks Zack why he never told her he was so good with kids and Ernie's reaction to his response is PRICELESS. Zack says he doesn't like to brag and Ernie nearly chokes on his drink and walks away mumbling about how something has affected his hearing. Hehehhe. Angela tries to ask him out and Ernie keeps trying to get his attention. They finally look over and there is a news report about a giant monster bird thing attacking downtown. Ernie clearly knows Zack is a power ranger. The kids all gather 'round and Zack reassures them, but they don't look all that worried actually. One little girl says she's not worried because she knows the power rangers will save them. Awwwww.

So in order to get away, Zack has the brilliant (actually so, this time) plan to have Bulk make him disappear. It's awesome and works, except he's really mean and tells Bulk the magic words are "Iamag Oon" so when he says it, Bulk calls him a goon. Douchebag of the Day awarded to Zack! Grrr.

So Zack disappears and Zordon calls him with impeccable timing just as he reaches the hallway and is completely out of sight and earshot. He ends up having to fight the bird monster by himself because the others are tied up with the putties... still. We discover the monster's name is the Peckster. And I spend approximately five minutes giggling. The Peckster (teehee) runs away undefeated and Zack goes to the Command Center, where he discovers he must go back to the Youth Center because the (completely calm and not at all worried) children need him. Um... okay then.

So he gets back just in time for Bulk, who has up to this point refused to say "Zack" lest he bring him back from whence he sent him (where he saw lots of beans, I'm sure), get goaded into saying "Zack". One kid was very pouty. Everybody oohs and ahs as if it were real magic. Even the adults/teens. Mmkay.

At the part the putties disappear and the rangers go to the Command Center. They have to go fight the Peckster (teehee) and are told Zack will join them when he can and Tommy will not be called, lest his powers fail. And that is blissfully the only mention we get of him this episode.

So they're fighting, and the kids and Zack are watching on the tv, and Zack spies a bunch of balloons. Pouting Inappropriately Young Friend is sure the power rangers will save the day and Zack, in reassuring him (why? he was fine), spies some balloons. He sees Pouting Inappropriately Young Friend's black ball and gets an idea.

He teleports, morphed, into the fight and somehow talks the Peckster (teehee) into popping all the balloons in his hand. The last one, a black one, is really the ball in disguise (that looks nothing like a ball until the bird goes after it and then it looks nothing like a balloon) and the Peckster (teehee) gets his beak stuck. Oh show. I just. Okay, I'll be honest. I dissolved into audible fits of giggles and missed a lot of the ensuing fight. Because the Peckster gets his mouth stuck on a ball. I'm still giggling.

Basically, the Peckster grows (guffaw!), the zords are summoned, we see two things we've never seen before and will never see again (the Mammoth Shield and some laser that comes out of their head), and then the Power Sword Saves Them All. Again. Per usual. Whatever. Oh, and somewhere in there Zack gives a motivational speech about not giving up. I was still too busy laughing. Sorry.

Pouting Inappropriately Young Friend says the black power ranger used his head before his fists, JUST LIKE ZACK, and clearly this is a very smart Inappropriately Young Friend. Clearly he, like Ernie, knows Zack is the black ranger.

Later, Zack comes in all dressed up. He cleans up nice! It's a goofy suit and he even manages to make it look good! He's got grand plans to take Angela out for dinner and dancing, but she shows up with a gaggle of kids and tells him they're going to a 5 hour Woody Woodpecker review at the local cinema. Zack is upset, obviously, but goes along. We also discover I'm apparently the only person in the world who, as a tiny child, would have gladly sat through 5 hours of Woody Woodpecker. What? I loved him! And Underdog. Don't judge me!

List time!
4.5 fish. It was ridiculous, I'm sorry! It managed to both do a massive call back continuity nod AND ignore continuity altogether at the same time! But at least it was AWESOMELY ridiculous!

Billy speak: "What an effusive display of affection."

"Look at the abundance of feathers on that overstuffed ornith!"

Covered in food: Nobody!

Episode 56 - Enter the Lizzinator

At this point we've given up going by the order as posted, and we're just going by the way these episodes are on our shiny dvd sets. So even though this episode claims it is Fins and Needles, we're actually watching a Cheerleading episode.

So, we start off watching tryouts for the Angel Grove Junior High Cheerleading Squad. A random redhead is being focused on (I approve of all random redheads, just for the record) and wow, they are such bad cheerleaders. The cheer itself is horrible, and they also all suck. The random redhead sucks more than the rest of them, and ends up being late for the final word. Awkward. The random redhead turns out to also be a random relative. She is, in fact, Kimberly's cousin. Raise your hand if you're surprised that Kimberly was a cheerleader. Anyone? Bueller?

Apparently Kimberly was so awesome, that the Junior High still talks about her a few years later. So is Kimberly still cheering now, or did she quit when she got to high school, and honestly, who cares about Middle School Cheerleaders anyway? Perhaps Angel Grove High just doesn't have cheerleaders because a) they only have one teacher, so there's nobody to coach the cheerleading squad, and b) martial arts competitions don't have cheerleaders.

Meanwhile, on the moon, Rita decides what her life is lacking is her own personal cheerleader. So instead of capturing a good cheerleader, she decides to go after Kelly. Personally, I feel she should have just trained Squatt and Baboo.

Anyway, Random Relative (Kelly) is all sad that she is not as awesome as Kimberly, and Kim offers to help her. Kim is actually pretty lousy at cheerleading herself, honestly. Plus, when you teach these things you're supposed to mirror the person, so no wonder Kelly is messing up. Kelly gets frustrated and runs away.

Ernie asks Jason (and hi there, Jason's arms!) to go pick up a delivery across town, since some truck broke down. I hope you're paying him for that, Ernie. Or is Jason just trying to work off everyone's bill? That probably makes more sense.

Kimberly and Tommy find Kelly at the playground, and Kimberly gives what I assume is supposed to be an inspiring speech, while Tommy stands around looking creepy. Then they get attacked by putties, and I'm pretty sure we spent the whole fight scene discussing how I still think Kimberly's fashion sense is awesome. Just as the fight ends, Squatt and Baboo kidnap Kelly, and drag her off to the cave of captivity. Kimberly and Tommy forget they have communicators, and they run over to the Youth Center to get Zack, Trini and Billy.

Meanwhile, Jason is picking up Ernie's delivery, when he gets attacked by the Lizzinator. At first we're totally confused as to why he's called the Lizzinator, and then he starts to talk. It's actually a Terminator joke, or really a governator joke. Oh, show. Sometimes I love you so much. (The monster still looks nothing like a lizard. Seriously.) Anyway, the monster beats Jason up, and then tells him it was too easy, and maybe more Rangers will present more of a challenge, and then he runs away.

At the Command Center, Zordon tells them that the Lizzinator is incredibly powerful, and Alpha presents Billy with a grocery scanner readout that says that the monster is really powerful. Nothing can penetrate its skin. Kimberly is all upset because apparently if they can't defeat it, they'll never find Kelly. Also, if they can't defeat it, then Rita will, you know, take over the world. I feel that Kimberly's priorities are skewed. Tommy says he'll go with them to fight, but they suddenly all remember that Tommy's powers are limited. Continuity! It's a miracle!

They go to the Inexplicably Abandoned Rock Quarry, and there are a lot of putties. Including a driving!putty, and we start talking about how probably thinks this scene is awesome. However, we've also decided that it would be even better if it was a driving!pumpkinhead!putty. This should happen. Plus, the driving!putty punches Jason in the face. This is hilarious to us.

Anyway, Jason is getting beaten up, when Tommy shows up to save his boyfriend, even though Jason is all "no! you're so weak!" and then Jason promptly swoons. Booooooooyfriends. (I only find Tommy tolerable when he's dating Adam Jason.) There's a fight, and other things, but honestly, I'm not so much in this for the fight scenes. Oh, and at some point they summon Zords, the Dragonzord gets thrown around in a way that made us start yelling about how physics doesn't work like that (The Lizzinator held the DragonZord completely upright over his head by gripping the end of his tail), and eventually the Rangers summon Titanus and win. At least it wasn't just the power sword this time.

In the Cave of Captivity, Kelly is just sitting on a rock, thinking of what Kimberly would do. She remembers that Kimberly told her to have faith in herself, and comes up with a plan. Um, I am fairly sure that Kimberly was talking about cheerleading, not fighting monsters. Idiot child! Kelly's grand plan involves writing the worst cheer ever and teaching it to Squatt and Baboo, who are talking about cheeseburgers. It is even worse than the Pumpkin Rapper. (Okay, not quite. But it is close.) Along with teaching them a cheer (that doesn't rhyme) about how Rita always loses to the Power Rangers, Kelly makes them spin around repeatedly, and they get dizzy. Squatt and Baboo then teleport out of the cave, leaving Kelly alone.

Now that Kelly is safe, the Rangers show up, and Kelly is very unenthusiastic about being rescued. Seriously, kid, I would be milking this for weeks! But no, she's just all "oh, hi there!" Maybe she knows that Kimberly is a Ranger and she doesn't want to look dorky in front of her cousin.

Then the episode ends. It was pretty good!

... Okay, that isn't actually what happened. What happens next is that the episode veers straight into high fish territory. Even though the tryouts were supposed to be that same afternoon, everyone is wearing different clothes. A group is doing a cheer, and then it's Kelly's turn. She doesn't cheer, but she instead does a dance, so I have no idea why she was practicing the cheer anyway, since all she had to do was dance.

Kimberly and Kelly are both horrible to Bulk and Skull, and there's more fatphobia, and I cannot even deal.


Fish: If it had ended before the last few minutes, I would have given it 2, maybe 2.5 because of the ridiculous monster name. But since the last few minutes happened, it's being bumped up to a 4.

Fanart that needs to exist: Squatt and Baboo: I can has cheezburger?

Episode 55- Second Chance

This was an incredibly boring and pointless episode. It... ugh. Should have had a beer. Would have made it easier. I think I'd rather suffer through Devon's Not-Actually-A Ghost again than watch this episode one more time.

So we start out in the Youth Center with Jason and Zack on a date. It's adorable, but that's the last interesting thing that happens. A bunch of kids run off all happy to have made Ernie's soccer team. Why Ernie is running a soccer team, we have no idea. There is one little boy who is very sad. Or rather, we suspect he's supposed to be very sad, but really he's just wooden and expressionless. I think the kid from Phantom Menace could act better than this kid. Anyway, Boy Who Can't Act, also named Roger, didn't make the soccer team. Jason suggests he practice. Ernie says if it was up to him, he'd hold another try-out (why this will help, I have no idea). Zack throws logic into an episode that lacks any and says it IS up to Ernie, who then says "Oh yeah" and sets up for a second try-out.

At school the following morning, Zack wants to do soccer tricks in the hallway. Bulk and Skull take the soccer ball. Kim is mean to Bulk (something about nobody seeing him on a soccer field... it was cruel, we'll just leave it with that). Bulk manages to kick the ball right into Ms. Applebee as she comes around the corner. She gives them detention. Zack chastises them for doing soccer tricks in the hall... which he was just about to do too... and I want to bang on the keyboard, but won't because I like my computer and don't want to break it.

Oh, and somewhere in there, Tommy slammed his wrist and communicator against the wall and broke it. He goes to first period, which he doesn't have with the other rangers but does have with Bulk and Skull (and what in the world do their timetables actually look like? I can't figure it out). His communicator keeps beeping and Ms. Applebee takes away his "pager", yet doesn't question that it looks like a watch and not the little heavy boxes with the tiny screen that pagers used to be. Oh goodness. Pagers. Dear readers, we feel very old right now.

After school that day, Jason and Zack practice soccer in the park with their Inappropriately Young Friend, aka Boy Who Can't Act. The kid is bad. They encourage him and instead of actually showing him how to do things, they just keep throwing the ball at him. So then they get attacked by putties. And then they get attacked by Rita's not-fully-charged Soccadillo. Oh show. The best part is the putties get together and start playing soccer with the Soccadillo. That was actually really cool. Not as cool as pumpkin!putties, but still pretty neat.

Zordon calls the other rangers in and Trini goes to stand by Boy Who Can't Act while Billy and Kim go after the putties. I'm a little confused as to the logic here. I mean, I know Trini is mostly Informed Ability, and she's only shown as being awesome in her (very very few) focus episodes, but I certainly doubt a novice and a girl with no martial arts training would be more skilled fighters than somebody who takes specialized martial arts classes with her own personal trainer.

Anyway, they get their rear-ends kicked by the Soccadillo (okay, so I know everywhere else lists it with only one c, but since it's a word smush and soccer has two c's, I'm going with that). They teleport to the Command Center and we're left wondering what they did with the kid. We can only assume they gave him some fish and went about their merry way.

They morph and go fight in the Inexplicable Abandoned Rock Quarry again. They blast and blast and apparently forget it's an ARMOURED mammal, so the firepower really isn't going to work against it. Meanwhile Tommy is trying to get his communicator back from Ms. Applebee and is surprised to discover it did not, in fact, magically fix itself while locked in her desk drawer all day. Zordon teleports him into the fight and they call Zords. Yada yada yada, Power Sword Saves Them All, explosion, the end.

Back at the Youth Center we discover every kid made it onto the soccer team because Ernie couldn't bear to let anybody down and made a second team. Bulk and Skull tell Boy Who Can't Act that he really didn't have to practice after all and he says he did, but frankly, they're kind of right. He would have made the team regardless of his actual skill level because EVERYBODY made the team no matter what. But Skull decides to show off, has something sticky on his hand, gets the soccer ball stuck, knock both Bulk and himself over, and then get covered in milkshake.

And I'm just glad it's over.

4.5 fish. It made little sense and was just BORING.

Billy speak: "Looks like a member of the dasypodidae family. [beat] An armoured mammal."

Covered in food: Bulk and Skull in milkshake.

Times I had to go back and edit out where I accidentally typed football instead of soccer and didn't catch it until the end: twice

Episode 46 - To Flea Or Not To Flee

We open in the Youth Center. Zack is collecting donations, and amazingly, he isn't wearing any black. We're almost too busy being shocked by this to realize that Zack is collecting donations to save the Youth Center. Apparently it's going out of business. We have two theories on this. First, we haven't had a martial arts tournament in a while, so maybe the boys should get on that. Alternately, the Rangers could just start paying for their food and drinks. That would probably help them.

Jason walks in carrying a puppy. We're confused as to why he's carrying it, but he's showing off his arms nicely, so we can't really complain about that. Plus, the dog is really cute. Puppy! Meanwhile, at the high school, Bulk and Skull find a reward poster for the dog. Gee, I wonder how the Youth Center will be saved? Skull also has really ridiculous hair.

Up on the moon, Rita has found footage of a monster that can be used! Or else the Zyu2 footage arrived. We really need to watch Sentai. Maybe in 2015 after we finish RPM. Rita is having Finster use the monstermatic machine to create a Fighting Flea, that actually just looks like a lobster. Squatt is all excited, and actually says that "it's launcheroonie time!"

Back at the Youth Center, Ernie is being really nice, and the Rangers keep going on about how they can't let him close. Just pay your damn bill, Rangers! Jason realizes that he should take the dog for a walk, and Kim volunteers to go with him. So Jason carries the dog out to the park. It's called a walk, not a carry. But it shows off his arms, so.

Rita zaps the dog with the flea monster, and Jason then starts itching. While he's being distracted by itching, Bulk and Skull steal the dog, as they want to claim the reward.

Goldar starts monologing about how now it is time to destroy the Red Ranger. Oh, Goldar, you are a little obsessed, aren't you?

Putties show up to attack Kim and Jason, and as soon as the Putties touch Jason, they get covered with fleas. They stop fighting to go fall on the ground and start itching. Kim and Jason realize that something is wrong, so they go to the Command Center, where Zordon provides Jason with a temporary antidote. If he comes back in contact with the monster, he will start itching again. Jason starts admiring his arms and the giant rash that covers them.

Bulk and Skull call the number for the reward. They have to go to a phone booth. Which... oh my god, we are SO OLD. Just as they start calling, Rita has the flea monster jump off the dog, and it attacks them. It sounds just like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

The Rangers split up. Jason and Kim go to look for the dog, Billy goes to create a better antidote, and Trini and Zack go to the Youth Center. The Flea monster goes to attack Jason, because he thinks he's tasty. We can agree with that. As soon as the monster shows up, Jason starts itching, which apparently means he has to start doing flips. IDK.

The other Rangers show up, and there's a giant fight in a junkyard. I feel as though they should be singing and then turning into children. Yes, this is just an excuse to link to High School Musical. Do not judge us.

Billy has found an antidote, so Jason stops itching, and then Rita makes the Flea grow. For some reason, the fight is in slow motion. Hmm. I guess they had time to kill.

After winning the battle (Power Sword for the win!) the Rangers go back to the Youth Center, where Ernie is feeding the dog chili. The dog's owner shows up, and thanks them for finding Pierre, and asks who to give the reward to. The Rangers say Ernie, and then they can keep the Juice Bar open! I still don't see how this fixes Ernie's problem, especially when he immediately gives the Rangers pizza and soda on the house.

Bulk and Skull show up, still itching. Billy wonders if he should give them the cure, and so they go and give them FLEA COLLARS that they have to wear for a WEEK. OMGWTF WHY ARE THEY SUCH BULLIES?!

Fish: 3.5 This was ridiculous.

Billy speak: "Ernie's operating expenses far exceeded his revenues."
Trini Translation: "He's broke." (Seriously, Kim needed that translated?)

Covered in: Bulk, Skull and Jason get covered in fleas.

Episode 38 - A Bad Reflection On You

First, l'shana tova to anyone on this community who celebrates. Queenriley and I decided to start the new year by watching an episode of Power Rangers, which we think worked out pretty well. Especially considering what a great episode this was. You guys, we've found our first ONE FISH episode. Not 1.5. Just ONE.

We open with Rita's best plan yet, and honestly, we're amazed it's taken her 38 episodes to think of it, because it is a great plan. Under the command of Scorpina (which is awesome in and of itself) and the new monster whose name we never actually caught, probably because we were too busy being pleased by the plan, a group of Putties are going to be turned into duplicates of the Rangers. We know that this same plot happens almost a dozen times (and we're going to count them!) throughout the show, but it is awesome, and we love evil twin episodes.

And we have to say, they are rocking the evil look. Billy in a wifebeater with his overalls rolled down? YUM. Seriously, David Yost has nice arms. They also have on sunglasses, because all of Rita's spells involve glowing eyes. She needs to work on that.

The Rangers are all brandishing tools of some sort (and there's a minor moment of serious fail when you realize that Zack is the one with the crowbar. At least he doesn't menace anyone with it) which they use to take apart a water fountain and add laundry detergent into it. We're just going to say this once and move on - science doesn't work like that. But there are some amazing moments, and Amy Jo Johnson and David Yost are clearly having fun reviving their Power Punks personas. We also get a repeat of the Skull asking out punk!Kim, and her doppelganger agrees to go out with him. Oh, Skull, we feel so bad for him. Because Kimberly keeps saying yes and then breaking the dates. We almost can't blame him for continuing to ask her out, because she does say yes sometimes. Also, twin!Billy totally shoves one of his geek friends up against a locker, and is it hot in here or is it just me? *fans self*

Anyway, Principal Caplan is the one to use the water fountain, and he ends up covered in foam, and I guess we aren't retiring the covered in [whatever] category any time soon. The fake!Rangers take credit and get thrown in detention, and they leave. The real Rangers get out of class right after, and they try to help the Principal, but are thrown into detention anyway. They're all confused, it is pretty adorable.

And can we just say, that is not how detention works. What they are actually describing is in-school suspension. And even in-school suspension you get supervised the whole time, and you have to do the work that you're missing by not being in class. But Principal Caplan just leaves them there. Angel Grove should really hire a second teacher.

Bulk tells Jason to get out of his seat. Jason asks him if his name is on it, and Bulk says yes. "Buulk." I'm really hoping that this is how his last name is actually spelled, or else seriously, how did nobody ever test Bulk and Skull for some sort of learning disability? Kimberly breaks the date with Skull, and at this point the Rangers should realize that there's some sort of spell going on. Kimberly just ignores it and pulls out a book with a pink cover. Oh, Kim, I really hope you're reading a trashy romance.

Bulk has a detention survival kit, which includes an enormous lunch sent by his mother. We get it, show, you think that the only reason people are fat is because they can't stop eating. Shut up already. We're totally creating a fatphobia tag now. *rage*

On the plus side, at least Bulk appears to have parents who actually care. We could try to do some analysis, but we're afraid it would just be depressing. Meanwhile, poor Skull has no lunch, and we're now convinced that Skull has a lousy home life. He asked Bulk for some of his food, and Bulk gives him the soda.

The soda promptly explodes, and everyone laughs at Skull. I guess this episode is getting the Rangers are Bullies tag. And then Skull aims the soda at Bulk, who also gets covered in soda, and Bulk retaliates by throwing a pie at Skull. Oy. Skull even THANKS him for it.

Meanwhile, stage 2 of Rita's plan is in full swing. Since the Rangers are otherwise occupied in detention, Rita has her evil Rangers morph and start attacking a very Japanese section of Angel Grove. (Hi there, sentai footage!) Fake!Jason even yells out "No mercy!" as they leap into the square. And they start firing on school children. Wow. Pretty great way to ruin the Rangers' reputations quickly.

Back in detention, Bulk has pulled out a tv. He and Skull are watching cartoons before it is interrupted with live footage of the Power Rangers destroying Angel Grove. This is how the Rangers find out. Can we say epic Zordon fail? The Rangers are compared to the same hoodlums that they used to fight. I'm not really sure that monsters count as hoodlums. Bulk and Skull think this is awesome. We really can't wait for season 2 and their endless quest to figure out who the Rangers are.

The Rangers realize they need to get out of detention, and just walking out doesn't work. Apparently they can't just teleport either, but they're going to need to immediately morph. Zack comes up with the idea of a magic trick (which is consistent with his character at least! He'll pull this trick again later) that will make them disappear. Bulk and Skull have to cover their eyes, put their fingers in their ears, and count backwards from 10. The Rangers morph and teleport out.

Okay, look, I said it earlier, but Bulk and Skull really need to be tested for dyscalculia right now. Or something. They should be able to count backwards from ten. Also, with Jason's new enthusiasm at yelling "It's Morphin Time!" they should still have been able to hear them. Teleportation is quiet. Do that first, THEN morph.

Anyway, the Rangers go to the square and fight their doubles. The fake!Pink one actually pulls off a pretty good plan, yelling for Trini to help her. Of course, it turns out to be the real Kim that Trini hits, but Kim fights back, and they hit the fake!Kim and she transforms back into a putty. The same thing happens with the other fake Rangers, except it turns out that fake!Jason is actually a monster. And we get a great fight - this time they use their blade blasters and the power weapons. No Zords at all! We missed this stuff. It's been a while since we've had a non-zord fight!

The people of Angel Grove come to see the Power Rangers and tell them that they saw the whole thing and they knew the Rangers would never betray them. Riiiiiiiiight.

Back in detention, Bulk and Skull are trying to figure out where the Rangers have gone. Giving up, they figure they can rat them out to Caplan. Just as they bring him in, the Rangers teleport back in, and they totally throw Bulk and Skull under a bus. The Rangers are forgiven for 'their' prank, and there's no mention of anyone ever calling their parents. Right.


Lists!
One fish. The only complaint we have about the episode is the ridiculous science. But really, most of the nitpicky stuff we have to say is so consistent with earlier episodes that we can't really complain as much, because that is just how this universe operates. We'll still point it out, of course. And we have to congratulate Rita on an excellent plan.

Covered in food: Caplan gets covered in foam. Skull gets covered in pie and a soda. Bulk gets covered in soda.

Billy speak: "Not even Skull is that mentally deficient"
"What a remarkable display of early neanderthal socio-contact."

Evil Billy speak: Pasta la pizza.

Kimberly speak: "And to think I always liked mirrors"

Episode 32 - A Star Is Born

The today on Power Rangers pretty much boils down to Tommy is scary and Scorpina is awesome. We are clearly in for a great episode

We open at Angel Grove High School, where Kimberly is asking Tommy if he's going to go to the beach with them the next day. Kimberly, sweetie, if you want to make out with him, stop inviting him to group events. Tommy says no, because he's going to try out for a karate commercial. Oh, Tommy. Don't you realize that commercials only lead to becoming a MMA fighter with a lot of scary tattoos? Why do you do this to us?

Zack is wearing red pants. Apparently Ranger Rule #23 (thanks foxtree!) is in effect. Kimberly just looks ridiculous, but she gets a better outfit later. (Trini has the best clothes this episode. We're not sure what alternate reality we've landed in.)

Bulk and Skull come wandering down the hallway. Apparently Bulk is also trying out for the commercial, with Skull as his manager. We're sure this is going to end well. Really. Tommy takes the opportunity to show off his martial arts skills, and seriously, how has he not been expelled for fighting in the hallway? I know Angel Grove only has one teacher and the principal, but O.o I used to teach high school, and if one of my students had been doing karate in the hallway, they'd be in for a world of trouble.

At the beach (so this is the next day, right? And Tommy couldn't go with them because he's going to the commercial thing?) the Rangers are all playing volleyball. Bulk and Skull show up so that Bulk can try to get a tan, and Skull starts rubbing suntan lotion on Bulk. (Apparently they are Cable & Deadpool, and you have no idea how hard I'm kicking myself that I don't have a scan of the sunscreen incident available.) Anyway, the sunscreen goes everywhere, so Skull ends up covering Bulk in mayonnaise. OW.

Later, at the auditions (which should be at the same time as the beach thing) Bulk shows up with the worst sunburn ever. I've officially lost the episode's timeline, and that isn't even trying to figure out how old the Rangers are supposed to be. The auditions are at the high school, so revieloutionne's theory that the Angel Grove economy runs on martial arts is totally true. Bulk makes a giant fool out of himself at the audition.

Rita is apparently fed up with everything, so she decides to take a day off and let Goldar run things. Goldar sends Scorpina down to harass the volleyball playing Rangers at the beach. Two seconds before the beach was filled with civilians, but the Rangers morph anyway. Worst secret identities ever! (Queenriley started flailing again about how Trini grabbed Billy's arm, so if I get any details wrong, that is totally why. I'll return the favor as soon as we get to any episodes that have Adam.)

Scorpina apparently has a pet worm that immediately envelops the Rangers in a silk cocoon. Zordon was paying attention for once, and he tried to call Tommy. However, Tommy had taken off his communicator for the audition, so he doesn't hear it. His audition is pretty awesome. Tommy has skills. Also, the two women who are running the audition clearly want to sleep with him, and my chat with Queenriley pretty much deteriorated into all caps yelling about how he is still in high school and they are supposed to be professional adults and why are they looking at him like that?

Meanwhile, Goldar and Scorpina are doing a great job kicking the Rangers asses, and they dump the giant cocoon off a cliff, even though they were at the sandy edge of the beach two seconds ago. Angel Grove geography makes no sense.

The Rangers do manage to rescue themselves, which is awesome. They shoot their laser guns at the walls of the cocoon and get out. Now, if the villains had thought it out, the walls would have reflected their blasters back at them and they would have all shot themselves. Also, doesn't Jason have a sword?

The monster of the week (well, the first one) is named Babe Ruthless.

Let's just take a minute to ponder that. BABE RUTHLESS. I honestly cannot believe they went there. Also, you would think they would save that monster for a baseball themed episode! We were so busy being baffled by the name that we almost missed that Tommy answered his communicator in the middle of the hall that is randomly devoid of people, even though there were plenty of other people auditioning.

He morphs and goes to help out the Rangers, and they form the MegaDragonzord or the Dragonzord in Fighting Mode, and I don't even know, they use both terms, and what follows is seriously the most confusing Zord fight ever. Somehow Jason is piloting his own zord and he's in the cockpit of the MegaDragonzord? We determine that clearly FISH are piloting Jason's zord. They beat Babe Ruthless and then Scorpina shows back up with her worm which is also now giant and for some reason they go back to the regular Megazord and Tommy has returned his Zord to the ocean? We're guessing Tommy had a hair appointment or something. The Megazord gets trapped in another giant cocoon and the dragonzord cuts them out with its tail, and there's a convenient blank spot in the middle of the city for the cocoon to fall without crushing anything.

Anyway, there was a lot of fighting and we're done trying to explain it. Lots of fish in that fight. Rita yells at Goldar for screwing it up, and Goldar promptly blames Finster's monsters for sucking. Poor Finster. He's too awesome for this.

Back at the Juice Bar, one day later. The Rangers are all watching the Random Reporter Guy (who we're going to have to make a tag for, we guess) talk about how awesome they are. Apparently there was property damage! We're amazed they admit it. Ernie also goes on about how awesome they are.

Then the commercial airs. Bulk is the before, and Tommy is the after. Apparently they just used the audition footage? So we're guessing the Angel Grove Karate Center is in the actual school? And how did the commercial go up so quickly? Did they ever sign a contract? And how did they not get sued by Bulk's family?


Lists:
Fish: 4.5. Four for the ridiculous zord fight, and another half for the sheer WTF of the commercial
Covered in food: Bulk gets covered in mayonnaise.

Questions: So, why didn't Jason try out for the commercial? Did he and Tommy flip a coin or something?

Episode 31- Calamity Kimberly

Well I have my beers all settled here beside me and I'm ready to start this episode. It's not one of my favourites, never has been. Thank you, Mr. Guinness, for helping me get through it.

We start off in a ginormous bedroom. I've never seen master bedrooms this big, nevermind second bedrooms. It's also decorated like a hotel from the 1950's. This is definitely not a teenagers bedroom.

Kim doesn't want to get up with the alarm and manages to break her lamp and then fall out of bed while trying to turn it off. She is horrified by her bad hair and I just want to point her to the shower and tell her about this magical thing called water and shampoo. It gets rid of bed head! Fantastic invention, that.

The day turns out rainy and she breaks a mirror. Meanwhile, Rita is stalking the rangers again and thinks now would be a good time to go after Kim, since she's having a bad day and all.

At school, Kim's umbrella has broken so she's soaking wet and she got mud all over her pep rally plans. I was unaware there were planning stages to pep rallies, but then, I never attended them myself, choosing to hide in the theater or library instead. Kim's worried Tommy won't find her attractive and I can't say I've ever met a straight man that didn't like seeing hot young women in wet clothing. Just saying, is all.

Bulk and Skull tease her a little and Tommy tells them to stop. Bulk teases him instead and Tommy pushes Bulk onto a wet floor, sends him sliding through dirty mop water, and then throws him into the mop bucket. Tommy actually planned this, taking in where the spilled mop water and bucket were and then positioning himself to throw Bulk in there. That was HORRIBLE and far worse bullying than calling Tommy a name.

Everybody laughs, however, and then Tommy sets up a date with Kim for after school. They meet at a surprisingly dry park (no mud, dry wooden picnic tables, does nothing hold water in Angel Grove?) and just when Tommy manages to make Kim feel a little better, she trips and he has to catch her. I suspect we're supposed to find this romantic. I just find it annoying.

Rita sends down the Samurai Fan Man to capture Kim in his unbreakable bottle and transport her to an alternate dimension. He manages to suck her in and the wind knocks Tommy out in the process. I don't know how, it just did. Meanwhile, trapped in the jug, Kimberly spends the next however long screaming Tommy's name. And so it begins.

Zordon, in another moment of Epic Win, was actually paying attention this time. He calls Jason, who answers his communicator in the middle of the Youth Center, and tells them to teleport immediately. Jason and Zack stop girl-fighting and they all teleport just outside the main entrance to the Youth Center. There is a very convenient lounge chair in the middle of the Command Center and Alpha teleports Tommy directly onto it. Apparently he has a concussion or something.

They share a bit of the most awkward dialogue EVER in existence and Jason unenthusiastically says "It's Morph... oh whatever, you know the rest." Well, okay, technically he said "It's Morphin Time." but it might as well have been "whatever" for all the feeling he put into it.

They go after the Samurai Fan Man at the Putty Patrol Restaurant which we have never heard of and will never hear of again. Alas, too bad, it looked like a fun place to hang out. They get blown away by the Fan Man, however, and Alpha reverses their teleportation direction. Wha??? I'm lost.

The only cool thing about this fight is we get to see Giant Goldar take on all the Zords individually. That was awesome. But it fails because the Fan Man is there and somehow beats the crap out of them. With his fan. Tommy is somehow roused from his groaning, concussed state and insists on morphing to help, but DragonZord gets blown away too. They call on Titanus, manage to break open the unbreakable jar, set Kimberly free, form the UltraZord, and then... win the fight pretty much instantly.

Back at Billy's garage, which is apparently the happening place to be since they all spend so much time there, Billy is covered in grease and working on the RadBug. The others are hanging out inside his garage and watching an old television. Mr. Reporter Guy starts a story on Who Are the Power Rangers and Kim reveals she is secretly Jubilee by blowing up the television. Everybody laughs. The end.

List time:
Covered in food? Nobody
Billy Speak? None

Fish? 3.5 for being more boring than anything else
Beers consumed to get me through it? 2.5

Episode 30 - The Rockstar

Hey, there's no Tommy in this episode! Of course, there's also no Tommy in this episode with no explanation at all! They don't even bother to say Tommy is at a tournament" or "Tommy is visiting family" or "Tommy is at the salon getting his hair done." He just... doesn't exist for the purposes of this episode.

We open with a shot of the Radbug, which is always awesome. Apparently Zack, Kimberly, Billy and Trini are all going on some weekend getaway, and seriously, how OLD are they? I know conventional wisdom has them being 15 in this season since they don't graduate until after Zeo, but they're going away for the weekend and they can drive. Jason is apparently not going with them because his cousin Jeremy, who is not quite as dumb as Cousin Sylvia, but is still pretty ridiculous, is coming to visit.

Somehow the four Rangers manage to pack all of their luggage (Kimberly, I am impressed by how well you pack) and themselves into the Radbug, and Billy tells Jason there would still be room in the backseat, and QueenRiley and I both start giggling. We're both big fans of Mallrats, okay?

Trini is apparently taking a gourmet cooking class, and she brought them brownies for the trip. Since it's a French cooking class, you know exactly where this joke is leading up to. Yes, those are snail brownies. Eww.

Rita is very excited because the Rangers are all going out of town, so she can go look for the Mirror of Destruction, which can blow things up with the light reflected off of it! It can even destroy super putties.

Meanwhile, at the Park, Bulk is eating a sloppy joe pizza, and watching him eat it is gross. Show, please stop with the fatphobia. For real. At least we're halfway through the Bulk and Skull as crazy bullies season (and we are halfway through the first season as of this recap! It only took us nearly six months!) and then Bulk and Skull can start having character development. *sigh*

Jason and his annoying cousin show up, and words are exchanged, and Jeremy asks if these are the famous bullies that Jason told him about. The way it is said makes me believe that Jason was making fun of them to his younger cousin, so this episode totally gets a The Rangers Are Bullies tag. Bulk tries to provoke a physical fight (he's getting better, but he should really know better, since you know Jason is the winner of every tournament in Angel Grove before Tommy showed up) and Jason tricks him into falling on his face.

Leaving Bulk and Skull (also covered in pizza) to themselves, Jason goes to teach cousin Jeremy martial arts on the beach. Cousin Jeremy unfortunately has Jason's fashion sense. Jason tries to teach some more advanced moves to the cousin, and the cousin fails, and Jason tells him he was once insecure, but martial arts helped him get better. Aww, Jason and Adam have so much in common! Jason repeats the "brains over brawn" motto that is the theme of this episode.

Jason and Jeremy get attacked by Super Putties, and the two of them hold their own. Let me repeat that. The things that beat up Four morphed Rangers are now defeated by a twelve-year-old. Talk about Badass Decay.

Jeremy tells Jason he's so excited that this is happening, and both of us start rolling our eyes. Jeremy is all excited about things related to Power Rangers, but he doesn't even question being attacked by putties. I guess that is just the reputation Angel Grove has, although have we ever seen Putties attack Non Rangers at this point? I can't think of anyone.

Miraculously, cousin Jeremy finds a message in a bottle, and they open it. Crazy yellow sparks start shooting out of the bottle, and an Earthquake begins. Jason tells Jeremy to stay there (on top of a cliff, WTF) and jumps down to call Zordon. He gets points for calling Zordon, at least. He knows what his communicator is there for. We get a glimpse of the Radbug driving and hear them go "Earthquake!" and they keep going. I guess someone must have reminded Kimberly that Not All Earthquakes are Rita Related. Although in this case, that isn't true.

Jason and Jeremy look at what was in the bottle, and it's a map that is clearly no place in California. I am telling you, Angel Grove is it's own country, that is the only thing that makes sense. A monster shows up, and Jason tells the kid to run. Instead of morphing, Jason just gets hit by some rocks and is knocked over so he can't move, and Zordon miraculously was paying attention and calls the other Rangers over to help, by telling them to teleport to the beach. I guess the Country of Angel Grove only has one of those.

The Rangers all go off to look for Jeremy in the woods next to the beach, and they are the worst searches ever. Before they get very far, Zordon lets them know that Scorpina and the Rockstar (the monster that shoots rocks at people) are attacking. Billy volunteers to keep looking for Jeremy, and we have some questions. Does Jeremy know Billy? Why isn't Jason doing this, when his cousin is his responsibility? And doesn't Zordon's viewing globe locate people?

All five of them morph (and why Billy morphs we have no idea) and they find Scorpina next to a swimming pool/stadium thing by the beach. Trini and Zack get hit with giant rocks and knocked into the pool, and how they still manage to float considering they have giant rocks attached to them is beyond me.

Jeremy uses the map and finds a rock. He picks up the rock, and under it is a mirror. Worst buried treasure ever. A solitary putty is stalking him, and he opens the mirror and then the putty explodes. Not only does the putty explode, but part of a cliff explodes. Unless that cliff has eyes, the Mirror does not require eyes to blow things up. That is important for later. Anyway, Jeremy is weirded out by the exploding mirror, so he throws it away.

Somehow, Billy has joined in the battle. I guess he wasn't really looking for Jeremy after all. Scorpina now has the mirror since Jeremy threw it away, and Rita makes her grow. Somehow the Rangers manage to summon the zords and bring them together before anything else happens. I guess transformation really is a free action.

Once the Megazord is assembled, Scorpina opens the mirror, and the Rangers all sheild their eyes, so nothing happens. Except that isn't how the mirror works, as it was established three minutes earlier. Whatever. Goldar shows up, and the Rangers manage to get him inbetween them and Scorpina, so Scorpina throws the mirror away so that it won't hurt Goldar. We are really sad that we don't get more of them together in this show. Apparently they even had a cute baby in Zyuranger!

Anyway, the Rangers blow up the mirror, and then (still morphed) they talk to Jeremy. They are seriously bad at this secret identity stuff, because Trini totally pats Jason on the shoulder when Jeremy says he wonders where his cousin is.

We go back to the Youth Center. I guess the others never get their vacation. Jeremy is telling Jason all about his adventures, including parts that there was no way he had seen, because he was busy looking for the mirror while Trini and Zack got thrown into the pool. The Rangers are all excited to hear this kid talk about how awesome they are. I guess the novelty hasn't worn off yet. Jeremy asks Jason where he was, and instead of saying the smart thing or telling Jeremy that he was looking for him Jason just totally blows off the question and says he has to teach a class. The lack of quality education in Angel Grove rears its angry head again.

Lists!
Five fish. If the episode had given us an explanation for where Tommy was, we'd totally have knocked off half a fish for the lack of Tommy, but since it made us wonder where he is, five fish. Also, this episode was totally ridiculous.

Covered in food: Bulk and Skull get covered in sloppy joe pizza.

Billy speak: "An exemplary motto."
"How idiosyncratic."

Episode 25- Life's a Masquerade

We got the opening theme on this episode and I have to say, we get such a delight when we get the opening theme. Season 1 MMPR had the best opening theme in my opinion. Maybe it's just nostalgia talking, but I just get a warm fuzzy feeling when I hear the theme song and see those cheesy effects.

Apparently there is a costume party at the Youth Center and a rather large group of teenagers is helping set up. All the Rangers are there plus probably twenty other kids. Bulk and Skull are there too and Kim mocks their wardrobe without provocation. Way to be mean, Kim, way to be mean. Zack chases after Angela, Jason is left hanging, Tommy offers to help Kimberly and somehow a bucket of paint gets tossed on Bulk. Everybody laughs and we cut to Rita.

She wants a nasty monster to invade the costume party so Finster makes her a Frankenstein Monster. I'm a little sad at this fact. The Frankenstein Monster was really a pretty nice guy. He didn't want to hurt anybody, he just couldn't help it, and I hate that he's been turned into a bad guy... and given his creator's name. Anyway, my rant aside, Rita's Frankenstein Monster agrees to go attack the Power Rangers.

We then get to see all the Ranger costumes, except Tommy's. Billy is Sherlock Holmes, Kim is a princess, Trini is Pocahontas, Zack is King Tut, and Jason is Robin Hood... complete with tights. They actually look pretty good (Zack especially... that man is BUILT) and aside from Kim's entirely pink dress, nobody is decked out in entirely their Ranger colour! In fact, Jason isn't wearing any red AT ALL. We're impressed and wish we could see more of this.

In another house in another part of town we see Bulk and Skull. It appears to be Bulk's very messy bedroom and it is huge. They're trying to figure out what to use as their costumes, no doubt still stinging from Kim's thoughtless comment on their normal attire. First they try Skull as Captain Hook and Bulk as Peter Pan. Then they try Bulk as the back end of a horse and Skull as the front. The best costume idea comes last... Skull as young!Elvis and Bulk as older!Elvis. Bulk throws out his back, however, and they apparently do the same to the costume idea. Tis a pity. They both looked really good as Elvis.

Later, at the party, Zack tries to get Angela to dance with him and she flat out refuses. He laments that even a king isn't good enough for her and Jason comforts him affectionately. We discover Bulk and Skull decided to come as punks and Ernie shows up as a vampire. Alpha then shows up. Yes, Alpha. In public. At a party. At least it's a costume party and he can get away with it for now. The Frankenstein monster comes in right behind him and Billy theorizes it might be Tommy. Tommy hasn't shown up yet because his costume wasn't ready so, despite the very noticeable height and build difference, people just assume he's Tommy. Way to be bad friends, guys. In the meantime, girls swarm around Alpha and Zack again complains about his lack of luck with women. Seriously, Zack, stop hanging around your boyfriend and maybe the girls would look twice at you.

A girl drags the Frankenstein Monster on the floor to dance and he gets mad and lifts her high in the air. She screams and everybody basically just stares at them. Skull, however, jumps into action and shoots the monster with a suction cup dart. It was ineffective, but at least he did something about it! Good for you, Skull.

The monster leaves and Billy, realizing it may not actually be Tommy, chases after him. He is led into the now familiar Cave of Captivity. The only cave Rita ever uses for anything. In this cave we discover Rita (hanging out on Earth!) is having her henchmen build a Super Putty. It's going to be twice as strong and nearly invincible. They are building the Super Putties by making a very big ball of clay. No shape, no form, just a big ball of clay. Rita opens the Earth and flies the big ball of clay out of the ground and up into the air. She promises to come back and destroy all of humanity, cackling evilly the whole time.

Meanwhile, Billy is battling the Frankenstein Monster in the cave. The monster disappears and he runs back to the Youth Center. You have a communicator, Billy. Heck, you CREATED the communicators, Billy. USE THEM FOR THEIR INTENDED PURPOSE! Sorry for the all caps there but this really irritates me. To date Zack is the only Ranger who used the communicator in a time of need. Fail, Rangers!

Billy tells the others what is going on and they teleport to the Command Center to ask Zordon. He shows them the monster and they try to contact Tommy but are, as usual, unsuccessful. At least it's consistent for his character! They morph and go to fight the monster, but Rita makes him grow almost immediately. So they summon the Zords almost immediately.

Meanwhile, Tommy is attacked by a group of putties in front of the Youth Center. He beats them off and finally realizes he has a communicator. Zordon tells him to morph and go help the others. MegaZord has been knocked down, but Tommy shows up just in time to help. Rita flies away, thinking she's likely won at this point, and they form the MegaDragonZord. They beat the Frankenstein Monster relatively easy and it, as usual, gives poor Rita yet another headache.

Back at the party, they discover it's time to find out who won the costume contest. Tommy is in his regular clothes and tells them he'll be right back, he has to go put on his costume. Tommy shows up about 15 seconds after he leaves. He's managed to change clothes, put on a mask/hat, and paint the rest of his skin blue. He looks just like Rita's Frankenstein Monster, only considerably shorter and less bulky. Everybody jumps, Tommy removes the hat, and the whole bunch get a hearty laugh. Ernie then hands the blue ribbon to Alpha, who insists his identity must remain a mystery and leaves.

Overall, this is a pretty low fish episode! It's consistent, it's not too terribly ridiculous, and it even has foreshadowing for later episodes! The Rangers aren't glaringly obvious by wearing outfits consisting entirely of their designated colour. Rita is on Earth! And foretells of evil things to come in the future! Alpha is in public, but in the believable setting of a costume contest. And we get to see the Cave of Captivity again. All in all, we give it 2.5 fish.

Covered in food: Nobody, but Bulk gets covered in paint

Billy Speak: "My deductive reasoning tells me you're not Tommy."
"It's time for molecular transmutation!"

Episode 24 - The Spit Flower

Aww, this was the first episode of Power Rangers I ever saw way back when I was nine and it was first airing! Has it really been that long? I feel so old now. So I'd like to thank my little brother for watching it every day after school, because unlike him, I'm still totally obsessed.

This episode reminded me of the only Bobbsey Twins book I ever read, which was the Bobbsey Twins Rose Parade Mystery. All I remember about that book was that a bunch of flowers got destroyed, which hey, totally fits with the theme of this episode.

The episode opens with Kimberly in a fairly cute outfit (look, I still like vests, I am that dorky) and for some reason the costumer seems to think that putting Tommy in two different shades of green is attractive, when it really isn't. It is wrong, and they need to stop doing that.

Kimberly is apparently designing a float for some parade, and there are a lot of flowers. We find out that all of the flowers are going to be recycled into potpourri, which is pretty awesome. We approve. Kimberly's float has something to do with world peace, and we really have no idea. This apparently offends Rita, and she decides that she must destroy the float, and the parade itself. She decides to go with her standard plan, and suddenly there are Putties! At the Youth Center! It's pretty awesome, and they immediately start ripping flowers off the float model, and Kimberly and Tommy fight them, and Tommy loses his ugly flannel shirt. For all that we don't like him, he does have pretty nice arms, and we've made our feelings about nice arms pretty clear at this point.

The other Rangers all show up, but Ernie has left for an hour, and we're amazed that he leaves the Juice Bar unattended. Fail, Ernie! But Kimberly is sad about how her float model is destroyed, because apparently this will prevent her from having a float in the parade, and there is no way to repair it on time or get new flowers. We think she's just being angsty, but we really can't blame her. Jason calls Rita a real witch, and... well, she is! She casts spells and everything! We know that wasn't what you intended to say, Jason!

The Rangers actually start to clean something up, and seriously, we're amazed. Next thing you know they'll start paying for their drinks. Tommy is all cryptic about how he has a plan to fix things, and Trini suggests that they take Kimberly out. She's even wearing green in an attempt to make Kim notice her. Oh, Trini, don't worry, your girlfriend still loves you. Tommy is clearly about to build Kim a new model float, and he heads out. It is blatantly obvious, even if we hadn't seen this episode before.

Meanwhile, Rita needs a monster! And amazingly there's one that actually fits the episode! The Spit Flowerhad some sort of scientific name that we didn't quite catch. The monster itself is a bastard love child of a lobster and a Venus Fly Trap. The Spit Flower sucks in flowers, and then spits them back out again. The flowers then bite people and drain their energy. It is AMAZING. Zordon summons the Rangers, and a bunch of ridiculous jokes follow. Dangerous Daisies! That's like something a Golden Age Superhero would say! I totally want that to exist, by the way. Zack still seems to have bugs on the brain from the last episode, because he says it's one ferocious bug. Riiiiiiiiight.

The Rangers (minus Tommy, who is still missing) go out to fight, and promptly get their asses kicked, as the Spit Flower vomits biting energy draining vampiric flowers all over them. Rita grows the monster, and we are only nine minutes in. Seriously, usually it takes way longer. Zordon calls Tommy, who for some reason is in Billy's garage (we assume because that's where all the cool tools are), and Tommy somehow... shoots some sort of green energy from the dragon dagger? Does it normally do that? Anyway, they summon the MegaDragonzord, which then gets flowers vomited on it, and Zordon teleports them away from the battle. Flower Power is apparently too much for the Dragonzord, and I demand a hippie AU exist IMMEDIATELY.

Meanwhile, Bulk is allergic to flowers, and he uses Skull as a tissue. Do not want.

Zordon analyzes the monster, and apparently all they need to do is have Kimberly shoot it in the throat. Okay then! It's about this point that my roommate, who is not a Power Rangers fan but was listening as I watched the episode, handed me a glass of wine, insisting I needed it. Tommy is told that he should stay behind in case the other rangers fail, even though all six of them just got their asses kicked. Kimberly shoots the monster, they summon the power weapons, and the monster is defeated.

Tommy recruits Alpha's help to build the float, and apparently Alpha doesn't know the difference between a wrench and pliers, and he manages to get the bottle of glue stuck to his hand. Whatever.

The next day (so we assume, as they are discussing the Spit Flower) Jason and Zack are sparring. We approve of this scene. It's time for the parade, and everyone is watching at the Juice Bar. Billy has binoculars, because he says it makes him feel like he's there. He is so dorky and adorable, we love him so. Kimberly is sad, and then suddenly we see her float! Apparently they all made it for her! Overnight? How did they pull this off? Whatever, we call fish.

Bulk and Skull show up, and they're vaguely annoying. Zack does a magic trick (awesome!) except he makes some flowers appear, and well, he knew Bulk had allergies. I have allergies, so sadly this episode will also get the Rangers are bullies tag, because that was just cruel.

Lists!
2 fish! This episode was actually pretty consistent, and except for the ridiculousness about the float being made overnight at the end, it wasn't that bad. Even with Tommy! We're amazed.

Covered in food: Do flowers count? Everyone gets covered in flowers.

Questions: How DID Tommy get into Billy's garage?

Episode 22 - The Trouble With Shellshock

Well, we thought about taking a week off after our Green With Evil marathon last weekend, but the Power Rangers compels us! This episode opens with a basketball game, as Zack and Tommy compete for Jason's affection. Or at least we're pretty sure that's what they're competing over. It might actually just be that the loser buys lunch, but we like our version better. We love that they're playing basketball! The boys all have really nice arms, and you know how we feel about that. And Zack's idea of trash talk is amazing.

While they play, Squatt shows up to monologue about how he and Baboo are going to make the most awesome monster ever to impress Rita. They're actually right! The monster they make is awesome. Not quite as awesome as Pudgy Pig or Terror Toad, but still great. It's a turtle with a traffic light stuck in it's neck, and it has a ton of wacky weapons, like a random hook, a baseball bat, and a cannon. They're making this monster in secret while Rita sleeps, although since she's snoring pretty loudly I don't know why they're so worried about accidentally waking her. Baboo says they should call the monster "Greta" or "Pitoush" (or at least we think that's what it says, it's unclear) but Squatt suggest Shellshock instead, and Baboo wisely listens to him.

Back at the basketball game, Bulk and Skull show up to taunt the Rangers, who have apparently decided to stop pretending to be nice to them, and instead just suggest they go back to the circus they came from. Skull wonders if the circus is actually in town, and Bulk tells him that they're being made fun of. A brief tussle ensues, and Skull and Bulk end up being thrown into the random hot dog cart and they end up covered in ketchup, mustard and relish, and even though Kimberly was the one to throw them into it, they're told that they need to pay for it, and seriously, why so mean to them? Tommy goes off to a martial arts class, and then Putties and Shellshock attack.

Really, Squatt and Baboo should make monsters more often, because Shellshock does really well. He hits Trini with a "Go Ray" which makes her run away from the battle. And then he shoots baseballs at the Rangers, before he hits Zack, Billy and Kimberly with a freeze ray, and they are turned into statues. Oddly, it looked like Jason was hit by the ray as well, but he appears to be fine. Zordon appears to actually be paying attention for once, as the team is teleported to the Command Center, where Zordon tells Jason that the only way to unfreeze the others is to get some random flower and he's already sent Trini on the quest. Wait, what? This is a brand new monster, how does Zordon know about the cure already? And when did he have time to tell Trini this at all? We call fish.

Goldar tells Squatt and Baboo that Rita will be pissed at them for creating a monster without permission, but when Rita wakes up she's proud that they managed to do so well. Jealous!Goldar is awesome. She immediately sends Shellshock back to Earth, having made it grow so that it can better trash Angel Grove. Even better, Shellshock makes a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles joke. Win.

While Jason goes to battle Shellshock on his own, Tommy is at the Youth Center showing off. Apparently "Class" was a codeword for "wanting to show off." He isn't wearing his communicator either, so he doesn't hear the cry for help. This will be consistent with Tommy's character, so we can't add fish for it.

Meanwhile, Trini is still searching for the random flower, and Zordon tells her he is sending her the Saber-Toothed Tiger Zord to help her, and all sense leaves this episode. Apparently the Zord gives her the ability to summon a flower? Or telekinesis? We really have no idea, except suddenly the flowers are in her hand. I hope it actually gives her telekinesis, that's the mutant power I would want if I could choose. Whatever it is, the Saber-Toothed Tiger Zord would be really useful around Mother's Day, because finding decent flowers is hard. Tommy is finally done showing off, so he answers his communicator and goes to join the battle, but almost immediately both zords get frozen by Shellshock. He's doing pretty well for himself!

But wait, the battle isn't over yet! Trini, who still can't stop jogging, leaps to the top of Shellshock's head and... shakes the pollen on it? Apparently allergies save the day, as the Zords and the other Rangers are all unfrozen, and Trini is no longer compelled to run. Jason shoots the monster once, and it explodes. We're not sure if we should give him the credit for blowing up the monster, or Trini, for covering it with pollen. I'm inclined to say Trini, because allergies suck.

Now that they've defeated the monster, Zack and Tommy still haven't figured out who gets to claim Jason for themselves, or who has to pay for lunch, so we return to the basketball game. There's some more trash talk, and Zack wins! He starts making fun of Tommy, but then Billy interferes, and QueenRiley starts squealing because Billy is going to play basketball. Billy unleashes the greatest trash talk ever ("It's time for my vernacular spectacular veracious(?) bodacious autophonic morphinomic jam") and does a slam dunk, and the episode ends.


We have to go with 3.5 fish for this one. Okay, so the monster gets beaten by a pollen allergy, but that is still amazing. Most of the fish comes from the Saber-Toothed Tiger Zord helping summon the flower.

Covered in food: Bulk and Skull get covered in various hot dog related things.

Billy speak: Billy's awesome trash talk, as quoted above.

Questions that need to be answered: If the Saber-Toothed Tiger Zord lets you summon flowers, what do the spirits of the other Zords do?

Episode 14 - Power Rangers Punks

First, a note of clarification on fish - We try not to add fish based on the inherent ridiculousness of the types of monsters or spells themselves. I mean, Power Rangers is totally ridiculous, and if we were judging it based on just that we'd have to give Pudgy Pig 5 fish just because a Pudgy Pig was trying to eat all the food in the world. We (mostly) try to judge the Fish based on how unclear the episode is, or how much the show contradicts its own continuity, which is... why we call it the fish scale in the first place. There will be capslock rage when Billy moves to the fish planet, we're just saying. Basically, it gets fish if we get thrown out of the episode, which is why some of the more ridiculous Tommy centric episodes will get high fish, or if the Rangers behavior makes us start yelling about their failure as role models.

Anyway. Power Punks is one of my favorite episodes of Power Rangers, and the Terror Toad is my favorite Monster of the week, even beating out Pudgy Pig which is QueenRiley's favorite. And considering the week I've had, I was really glad that we were watching this episode. There was actually momentary confusion, because for some reason some of the youtube videos insisted that this was actually episode 21. But we're going with it is episode 14, because that is what Rangers Central tells us, and also we like this episode.

The episode opens with a fabulous game of volleyball, and the best music we've heard on the show yet. Trini and Jason are playing against Zack and Billy, and Billy is doing really well. He falls over while trying to hit the ball, and the Rangers give him an honest compliment! (We've determined it is an honest compliment because they usually overact way more when they're being purposefully mean.) Billy and Kimberly switch places, and we discover that Baboo has created a "Punk Potion" that he will use on the Rangers. Jason and Trini win the game, and then Jason tempts fate by saying "So who do we take on next?"

The answer to that question is a squad of Putties! While the Rangers are fighting them, Baboo peddles over on Rita's amazing bicycle and spikes all the drinks with the Punk Potion. Kimberly and Billy (who, incidentally are the best dressed Rangers this episode. Trini needs to stop wearing sweaters with shorts, and we don't even know what is up with Jason's tank top) drink the water, and are immediately turned into punks, causing us to speculate that the "Punk Potion" was actually just imprints of Bulk and Skull's personality, like in Dollhouse.

The spell instantly affects Kimberly and Billy (for some reason all of the more ridiculous things seem to happen to these two - first body switching and now this) and they instantly become Power Rangers Universe versions of Punks. That... mostly means that they overact in an amazingly over the top manner and yell "YEAH" a lot and call people geeks and dorks. Which is at least consistent with Bulk and Skull. Billy calls them all dorks, and Kimberly and Billy leave, while the others just stand there. Trini suggests that maybe they just got too much sun. Look, we know that it's early in the series, but when Billy starts calling people dorks, it means he's under a spell.

The next day at school, we find out that apparently Bulk's locker is filled with garbage (seriously, show? Stop with the fatphobia. It is beginning to drive us nuts) and that the Rangers are vaguely worried about Billy and Kimberly, but they don't appear to have checked on them at all. That at least is totally consistent with everything else about their friendship. They really are the worst friends ever. And then we get the grand entrance of Billy and Kimberly, in their punk gear. We... well, we will let the fandom secret speak for itself. (And if you're the person who made this secret, hi, please come be our new BFF?) Seriously, punk!Billy is WICKED HOT. Punk!Kimberly has an awesome jacket, but her hair is insane and everything about her outfit is crazy. But OMG, Punk!Billy. Everything about him is wonderful.

The other Rangers just stand there and watch as Billy and Kimberly harass some poor guy in the hallway, and then Kimberly hits on Skull. I'm personally convinced that she and Billy have already hooked up as Punks (and possibly while they were body-switched) but Skull is nearly dead of joy as Kimberly asks him out. Then Billy threatens Bulk, in karmic retribution for Bulk being mean to him. Even after all of that, the three non-affected Rangers can only say "What's with them?" Of course, at this point Zordon suddenly remembers that he has the ability to observe what's going on, so he teleports all of the Rangers to the Command Center, and imprisons Kimberly and Billy behind a force field. Good thing nobody else was in that hallway!

While the Rangers are at the Command Center, Zordon tells them that they have two problems. First, the Power Punk Spell can only be removed with juice from a Singing Squash, which is only found in other dimensions. (At this point we get a brief glimpse of Zordon in his non-warp bubble form. Exciting!) Also, Rita has unleashed the Terror Toad, which a) eats people and b) has a listing under Fetish Fuel on tvtropes. Oh, fandom. (Okay, to be fair, it is also listed under Nightmare Fuel. Anyway. The Terror Toad is still awesome because it is an amazingly creepy villain. Kimberly, in her Punk state refers to it as "Wartsville" which should be the name of a band or a song or something.

Zack, Trini and Jason go off to fight the Terror Toad, and Zack and Trini almost immediately get eaten by the Toad. Alpha goes off to find the Singing Squash, and he makes the mistake of commenting that it appears to be too easy. Of course, this means he immediately gets set upon by Putties. But wait! Apparently Alpha has internal defenses, so he takes them all down easily. Man, if Alpha was leading the Rangers, they'd have totally won by now! He pulls the Singing Squash, which turns out to basically be a mandrake and returns to the Power Chamber, where Billy and Kimberly are making fun of Zordon. They call him a "Big Green Geekoid." Seriously, if there is an award for best overacting, it totally goes to Amy Jo Johnson and David Yost for this episode.

They drink the potion that Alpha makes for them, and Kimberly is horrified by her nails (I'm personally scared for anyone who happens to be around her when she sees her hair) and Billy says "Alpha?" in this terrified voice. They morph (calling out in unison, which is adorable) and arrive to battle the Terror Toad just in time for Jason to be eaten. Billy comes up with a plan to beat the Toad, but then gets eaten as well. And unlike the other Rangers, he actually gets swallowed Terrifying! Kimberly then shoots the Terror Toad in its weak spot, right below its neck, freeing the other Rangers. She then shoots the Toad again, and I'm pretty sure she must get her arrows from the same place that Robin Hood does, because the arrow swerves around trees. The Terror Toad explodes, making this the second time that Kimberly defeats a monster on her own. She is clearly the most powerful of all the Rangers. (It's worth pointing out that Baboo showed up to join the battle briefly. He is adorable.)

Afterward, back at the Youth Center, Kimberly is helping Trini with some neat gymnastics moves, while Skull shows up for his date. At this point we both start wincing because we feel so bad for him. He dressed up! He did his hair! And she did say she'd go out with him. Kimberly is horrified by this, and Billy tells Bulk and Skull that Kimberly and Trini don't date neanderthals. This isn't true at all! Kimberly dates Tommy for a really long time. And then something happens where Billy and Zack try to defend the girls honor or something by playing volleyball. I really don't know, but we got about 19 minutes into the episode before we yelled fish!

Lists!
Fish scale: 1.5 fish. The lowest rated episode yet. Seriously, this episode is amazing, and all fandoms should have a gone punk episode.

Billy Speak: If we just transpose ourselves
Kimberly translation: You mean switch positions?

(For the record, we can totally imaging them having that conversation in bed. Possibly I've developed a Kimberly/Billy thing.)

Covered in food: Bulk and Skull get covered in... the disgusting garbage that was in Bulk's locker.

Fanfic that people should really write: Kimberly goes out with Skull. Look, don't judge me, okay?

Episode 9- I, Eye Guy

Today we have a special Thursday episode of Power Rangers!

I will admit up front, I am heavily heavily Billy biased. He has been my favourite Ranger since the very first episode and the only other Ranger in the entire history of the show who comes close is Bridge (who comes very close indeed). I won't even try to keep that out of my recaps.

I'm very partial to this villain. Eye Guy was pretty cool, as far as villains go. He could separate his one weakness from himself and hide it for safe keeping, he could break into a million pieces and come back together over and over again, and he threw EYES at people. EYES. At people. Threw them. He's awesome.

We open onto the Cranston household outside shot. I love this shot. It's used over and over again in episode after episode, but it just makes me love the house even more. It's one of the few Ranger homes we ever see.

Billy is in the garage with a 12 year old boy. The Rangers seem to spend A LOT of time with 12 year old children. This is creepy and slightly disturbing, actually. Anyway, the boy is in overalls and blue. Mini!Billy is named Willy and they've been working on his science fair project. He's made a virtual reality machine which is actually really cool, especially for a kid and especially in the early 90's. Way to go, mini!Billy... I mean Willy. TSB is convinced Willy is actually a clone of Billy used in previous experiments. I am not so sure, but it's an interesting theory, so I'll go with it (and would love to read some fic!).

Mini!Billy takes the Rangers on a virtual roller coaster that Kim ruins by getting dizzy and making him stop, and Jason grabs hold of Billy affectionately out of surprise. Yes, I see slash in everything. We don't really know why all the Rangers are involved, but they are so we'll nod and smile and assume maybe it was just for testing purposes or moral support.

They head off to the fair and, partway there, are attacked by putties! Like a triceratops family, they shove the kid in the middle and circle around him. Zack calls to "protect the kid" and we get a moment of "awwww". We're impressed. The Rangers have coordinated moves, a plan of attack, and have obviously been practicing together. They're taking this seriously! Crisis averted, they beat back the putties and head off to the science fair.

It's in the Youth Center. I would have thought a school, but okay, whatever. Willy is concerned about his project, Billy gives him a pep talk, they do their awesome secret handshake (complete with overall strap pulling), and then Bulk and Skull show up. Skull covers his mouth lest he catch nerditis. I was beginning to have some negative feelings towards Bulk and Skull due to that little issue, but then the Rangers end up being horribly horribly cruel and, well, any poor feelings towards the "bullies" disappeared. Billy tells them an IQ is required to be at the science fair, Jason calls them cavemen while Zack grunts at them, and then the girls shove them into a makeover machine and they come out looking like girls while everybody laughs. They're all so mean, I just can't see how this is a good example for kids. I have kids and I would never ever condone my kids treating another person the way the Rangers treat Bulk and Skull.

Moving on. Willy is blamed for the ruckus, why we're not sure, but he is told he is disqualified and cannot be in the science fair. He runs off and Billy says he knows just how Willy feels. Frankly, I'm upset with Billy for this. It's Billy's fault the ruckus happened in the first place! Anyway, they suck at finding him and mini!Billy ends up being captured by Eye Guy. Awesome bad guy. Willy is trapped in an aerotrim (that spinny thing used at Space Camp). As soon as they suspect Rita is involved, their communicators beep and they go off to the Command Center. Once again, Zordon FAILS at monitoring the safety of Angel Grove.

The Rangers morph and go to fight Eye Guy. It doesn't seem likely they can beat him, however, since every time they think they've won, he just reassembles himself and gives them another beating! Zordon alerts them of the need to destroy the main eye and tells them where it's hidden. Billy goes off to find it and leaves the others to contend with Eye Guy, who is doing a good job of not losing.

Billy destroys the eye, the Megazord is called and destroys Eye Guy, and the Rangers go get Willy. We find it odd that Willy doesn't pick up that the voices behind the masks are the same people he's been hanging out with all day, Billy in particular. If Billy was around the 12 year old enough (creepy!) to help him build his VR machine, surely he knows what Billy's voice sounds like at this point. But we'll overlook that since we're it's obviously expected of us.

They get back to the science fair in time for the judge that disqualified Willy earlier to offer an apology, let him back in the fair, and give him the blue ribbon. Bulk and Skull then wander in wearing only towels and while I know I should comment on the partial nudity issue, I just can't pass up any opportunity to see Jason Narvy mostly devoid of clothing. They ask for their clothes back and the girls say they cleaned and sanitized them. They present Bulk and SKull with tiny miniature versions of their outfits. So they embarrass them, leave them naked, and then ruin their clothes. Way to be compassionate, Rangers!

We give this 2.5 fish simply because we cannot overlook just how exceptionally mean ALL the Rangers are in this episode. The episode actually follows moderate show continuity, what with having random adults blame kids for things they had nothing to do with, but the bully factor just can't be ignored.

Lists:
Nobody gets covered in food this time.

No Billy speak either! Not one bit of it. There is one line of Mini!Billy speak though, so we'll count it: "The quasitronic circuitry is acting up again causing the visual imagery to fade."