Episode 362 - As Time Runs Out

Hey! I made my minimum word count for nano already today! I am rewarding myself with recaps. So let's do this.

So the Queen is annoyed with her son for failing, and decides that Vypra and Loki should be in charge. It's not like they haven't failed a bunch too. Of course, Olympius has overheard this.

He decides to try and then talk to Vypra and Loki and call for a truce. Because they need to work together or something. Of course, its a trap and he seals them underground, because seriously, who would actually trust him. Morons. These villains aren't very smart. Cue theme song.

Olympius tells the Queen that the Rangers destroyed them, and she tells him to revenge them, because nobody destroys demons and gets away with it. I so don't care about these villains.

Some demon finds... something? I don't care what. But the Rangers go to investigate a disturbance in that area. Chad finds something, and its a hand buried in the ground. Because Kelsey is ridiculous, she tries to touch it. Carter warns her it could be a trap, and hey, some vines have wrapped around all their wrists. In an hour apparently the vines will open and will spray poisonous spores all over Mariner Bay. That's a better plan than exploding feathers, probably.

Vypra and Loki manage to free themselves. The two of them swear revenge on him, and walk off while debating all sorts of plans to get even.

Back at the base, Ms. Fairweather tries to destroy the flowers by shooting lasers at it, but with no luck. Kelsey suggests isolating them, but apparently the spores are too small and can't be contained. However, a lab on the east side has a poison that might destroy it. However, right when they're about to destroy it, the monster shatters the poisons. (And they didn't bring backups why? Idiots)

Carter then is all "Hey, what about solar zord?" So they get into the zord, and send themselves to outer space Well, they're willing to die to protect the planet. I'll give them credit. AND THEN THEY OPEN THE SHUTTLE DOOR AND SUCK OUT THE POLLEN BUT ARE SOMEHOW NOT DEAD.

Um. Um. Um. WHAT NO.

Space doesn't work like that. SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT.

Kelsey nearly gets sucked out but they manage to hold her and I'm just in an incoherent rage of space doesn't work like that and seriously they are idiots. The doors close before Kelsey gets sucked out and everyone is fine, and then the monster tries to destroy the city himself. I'm still stuck on the science fail.

Anyway, then the rangers morph and we get a fight scene, but I'm busy screaming about all the fish and finding it hard to care. Carter does give a very nice red rangers are determined speech, though. So they blow up the monster and then it grows, so they call the toys. Then they blow it up.

Vypra and Loki are exploring some old ruins, and they find a tomb. Apparently there's someone in the tomb that could help them. And then we see that RYAN is spying on them. RYAN. HI RYAN. Be pretty and take off your shirt, will you?

Loki and Vypra go down into the tomb. Vypra reads the ridiculous inscription, they throw a rope into the tomb, and Diabolico climbs out of the tomb. They plan to destroy Olympius and reclaim the star power.

Ryan has really nice arms. I've missed him. That is the most important part of this episode, clearly.

Fish: FIVE. SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT

Episode 361 - Yesterday Again

Today on Power Rangers, it's a much less amusing with no lesson learnt version of Groundhog Day!

We start with Carter failing to fly. He jumps out of his ship and lands... on the clouds? It's totally a simulation. At least they test stuff? Although they don't give a lot of training or time, seeing as they're testing Carter's ability to fly this thing and expect him to fly it for realsies THE NEXT DAY. Joel attempts to be nice, but it just comes across as condescending (or his jerkiness has tainted my view, whatever).

In the mess hall, everyone is confident in Carter. He is Pouty McPouterson and doubts himself while Dana tells really terrible jokes out of the newspaper. I LOVE HER SO MUCH YOU GUYS. Kelsey learns the valuable lesson of NOT rollerblading in the house, because she knocks over a big bowl of breakfast and she, the cook, and the floor are covered in oatmeal. Oh show. We're never going to get rid of that covered in food footnote, are we? At least Chad and Dana help her clean up. I'm sure Joel and Carter would have, but they had more important flying things to do.

Carter still fails. I'm wondering if the problem isn't with the jet instead of Carter. He seemed to be doing just fine when the jet engine started sparking. While he's attempting to NOT BLOW UP, a monster attacks and the rest of the team have to go out and stop it. While he tries to fix the jet. Since when is Carter a mechanic or an engineer? I thought he was a firefighter. He's certainly no Damon!

He morphs, jumps back in the jet, and rushes off to go help his friends, leaving his jacket behind to dramatically flutter in the wind. It's all slow motion and ominous and SUPER DRAMATIC and I love it. He's too late though, showing up just in time to watch his friends get blown to smithereens.

And then he jumps out of the simulation to find Joel standing there telling him he's okay and he'll be ready to fly for real tomorrow. Except he's very concerned because he thought Joel was dead. And nobody seems to think that's strange? What is this magic? It's as if science took a holiday and now Carter is living the day ALL OVER AGAIN. He answers Dana's really bad joke. He dramatically turns as Kelsey dramatically blades towards the chef and then dramatically stops her from spilling oatmeal everywhere. He tells Ms. Fairweather he's concerned he's reliving the same day over again and all she can say is "Simulations can be disorienting." I THINK THAT'S A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS THAN DISORIENTING, MKAY???? And he is CLEARLY not fit to fly, but they're sending him out anyway.

While fixing the power circuits, again, he spies his Dramatic Jacket from his previous day. He determines he traveled through time and that's why he relived the day over again. This... makes no sense. Science is taking a MAJOR holiday here. This is not how even the most unaccepted views on potential time travel work. He rushes off to his friends again and shows up in just enough time to stop them from being blown to smithereens. This time.

Carter uses missiles to attack the monster and manages to do loops and tight corners and amazing tricks in the jet that JUST MOMENTS AGO HE COULDN'T FLY SO BADLY THAT HE BROKE THE ENGINE. That's right. He's now an expert. And apparently the monster can fly because he's chasing Carter in the jet. Carter makes a daring high speed escape. Monster grows. Zords come out. Big fight. Whatever. I'm so done with this episode.

In order to fix the jet, Ms. Fairweather had to replace basically everything. All the circuits. All the fuses. All the everything. But it won't give him any problems now, apparently! Joel gives him the hat. He pulls it off way better. End credits. FINALLY.


5 fish. Just... no.
Covered in food: Kelsey, a chef, and the floor absolutely pasted over with oatmeal.

This is getting the dramatic cape tag because seriously... that dramatic fluttering jacket was the only good thing about that episode.

Episode 360 - The Chosen Path

Previously on Power Rangers, Joel is a douche. Kelsey has a super awesome Action Grandma. Ryan is no longer shirtless and also far far away and I have a sad. But today we have a Chad episode and that makes me happy!

So the Big Bads are having a dinner party. They're eating rodents and it makes me sad because rodents are cute and furry and sweet and oh so very smart! Well, rats are. And they say they're eating rats but they look like mice. ANYWAY. There is arguing and Big Bads being... well... rather like stupid frat boys.

Meanwhile, the rangers are doing actual TRAINING EXERCISES! Also, hello there Chad's Arms! It's so very nice to see you... can we see more of you? As the training exercise finishes, Chad's old mentor shows up. Out of the blue. In the middle of nowhere. For the sole purpose of chastising him for straying from the path he had set for Chad. Apparently Chad could really have Been Something. Because, y'know, BEING A POWER RANGER and SAVING THE WHOLE WORLD is such a waste, right?

Back at the base, Chad has a sad because his second daddy mentor is disappointed in him. Poor Chad! He tells his woes to Kelsey and it's super cute. But they get interrupted by a big orange cyclops guy who thinks he's the best. He's boring, but he does challenge them to hand to hand combat instead of hand to weapon combat. Except they still don't fight unmorphed. But whatever.

Chad's old Sensei thinks he can beat Cyclopter and challenges him to a fight. And manages to actually kick his ass. Everybody is super impressed. Chad attempts to introduce everybody, but Sensei is having NONE of that. He has no interest in the rangers. Because he has a stick up his rear end. Kelsey, luckily, is having none of his having none of them. She pleads Chad's case, but doesn't get very far.

I really kind of want to just smack this guy on the back of the head. Because he's throwing away something really awesome in Chad! Because he's too stuck in his idea of the way the world should work.

Meanwhile, Cyclopter goes to Chad's old Sensei. He has changed his ways and wants nothing more than to become his student. And the dude FALLS FOR IT. He agrees to teach Cyclopter. This will not end well. Which Chad tries to point out to him. But Cyclopter "gave his word of honour" and is apparently a better student than Chad because he's "more dedicated" or something. REALLY DUDE???? CHAD IS THE FREAKING BLUE RANGER! GET OVER YOURSELF.

Chad throws a bit of a fit back at the base and Kelsey tries to point out that his pride is getting in the way. His Sensei is in trouble and needs Chad's help. He should be out there helping him get away from the monster, not pouting. Though I can't really blame him for pouting. I would too. Anyway, he goes out to find Cyclopter. Who has already learned everything he can learn and has basically shoved Sensei away, as he deems him unnecessary. WHAT THE HELL DID HE EXPECT THOUGH? HE'S A FREAKING MONSTER!

Chad is determined to fix things, though, so he helps his Sensei recover before Carter calls him for help. Chad is ready to run off when Sensei says he can't go, that Cyclopter will know everything Chad has forgotten. Except Chad has not forgotten his training. Because he's Chad! And he's awesome! And dedicated! AND TOTALLY THE AWESOMESAUCE BLUE RANGER, OKAY? I guess this is all Sensei needed because he's all "Yeah, okay, go."

AND THEN WE GET AN UNMORPHED FIGHT! AND CHAD IS AMAZING AND I LOVE HIM. HE IS THE BEST THERE EVER WAS. Eventually there is morphing and monster growing and all the zords and whatever. I just want to watch that unmorphed fight again!

Back at the base, Chad and Mr. Tamashiro make up. He wants a tour of the Aquabase. Chad goes all goopy AW SURROGATE DADDY on him. It's syrupy cute. Resolved really fast and really easily, but whatever. Chad is adorable and I love everything about him.

5 fish. Because I spent the whole episode wanting to smack the old man with a frying pan and telling him that is NOT how one treats a student/surrogate son and goddamn just be proud of him for all the good he's doing in the world.

Episode 358 - The Omega Project

Previously... hell if I remember. Ryan was shirtless? I remember that much. And I got stuck with a Joel episode? REALLY? Ugh. (Whatever, I did miss this.)

So we start off with Joel and an inappropriately young friend using a telescope. The inappropriately young friend is named Simon, and he can join the list of future rangers. In fact, tiny child wants to work for Lightspeed. Joel tells the inappropriately young friend that working for Lightspeed is serious, but when he grows up, he'll be able to work wherever he wants.

Meanwhile, the villains are plotting to use an asteroid or something. I don't care. But the tiny child notices it right as his mother tells him to go to bed.

If Joel is not related to Simon, I am super assuming that he's sleeping with the kids mom.

Ms. Fairweather is explaining a new power up to the Rangers, and how she's created the Omega Megazord, which is the latest in Zord tech. I think she just wanted an excuse to make them say Omega Mega. Then Joel shows up with flowers, and she is all "late again." He tries to give her flowers, but is interrupted by a call. Simon the inappropriately young friend calls and apparently has hacked into the frequency because its super important, but Joel ignores him. Captain Awesome is all "What is going on?" and he ends up getting the flowers that Joel was going to present to Ms. Fairweather.

Simonagain is all "LOOK, I AM SMART. Have this binder of proof and math and I am WAY SMARTER THAN YOU." The kid is great. "I have the position, the velocity, EVERYTHING." Kid is totally a future Ranger and/or future tech. This time Joel believes him, and he goes to Lightspeed.

Ms. Fairweather ignores Joel, because frankly, Joel has cried wolf approximately 87 times at this point and she's running tests. So the kid simply hacks into the database because he is the most brilliant. By the time everyone else has figured out how to get into the office, Simon has proven his point. Ms. Fairweather is all "damn, this kid is great."

An alarm goes off, and the Rangers have to go form a zord to fight the asteroid. They... stand in the middle of the city and plan to blow it up? That is poor planning. All the debris will still destroy everything!

Olympius is all "well, I'll block the sun so they won't have any power." SCIENCE DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY. Did they learn nothing from earlier? Hell, MMPR stopped the solar power megazords after green with evil!

So the Rangers have to ignore the asteroid and go fight olympius and blah blah blah. Meanwhile, smart inappropriately young friend is doing science. He's all "whoops, thing is bigger than we thought." Ms. Fairweather recalls them to the base so they can initiate the omega project. God, I have been in fandom for so long I am so confused as to why a/b/o is involved, and that's not even my kink.

Inappropriately young friend is all worried as the Rangers dramatically enter their zords or whatever, and everyone in the base is super intensely watching. They take off, and the kid adorably salutes captain awesome.

So they go and fly in space and form a megazord and then try to land on the asteroid? They can't find a place to land, so Chad shoots stuff and then they land. The megazord like crab crawls or whatever, and then the whole episode turns into Armageddon as they start drilling into the asteroid. (I refuse to link to that piece of crap movie.) They insert some explosives. Apparently this giant asteroid will only need two of them. Bullshit. They insert the second explosive, and then the asteroid starts attacking them?

Ms. Fairweather starts yelling at them to pull out, and Carter is all "well, we'll have to detonate everything manually" so they fully form the omega megazord and then they get the omega missile, and then they hit the explosives with the sword, which makes everything explode? The kid yells very dramatically and seriously, who was watching Armageddon when they wrote this script? WHO DO I HAVE TO BLAME.  There is a giant explosion, but Carter's voice comes in and they are all alive and everything is destroyed.

The inappropriately young friend gives Joel the credit. Joel congratulates Ms. Fairweather, and she tells him that Simon did it. Joel tells the kid to ask Ms. Fairweather out, and the way he phrases it TOTALLY makes it sound like the kid should ask her out for himself. He lets the kid wear the hat and everything. She then agrees to take Simon to the planetarium. Kid is way better at this than you are, Joel. And he is not an ass.

Fish: 5. Anything that I have to compare to Armageddon is an AUTOMATIC FIVE FISH. On the other hand, the kid is super great, and I look forward to him being a Ranger/tech one day.

Fic we want: SERIOUSLY, THAT KID IS GREAT

Random thought that didn't fit into the recap: Man, all of their plans seem to involve DESTROYING EARTH. Or is the magic asteroid not going to totally destroy the planet? Where exactly are they planning on building their palace anyway, if an ASTEROID WIPES OUT EVERYTHING.

Today on Power Rangers, the Cocoon of Evil kicks some ass.

So the Cocoon of Evil has made it's way to the city. It has lasers! And is impervious to the Rangers blasters! There is a whole plethora of bad guys just lined up waiting and they are not disappointed. The blasters cause a big explosion and the Cocoon of Evil bursts open, tearing a large crater in the concrete. An evil laugh emerges from the rubble.

Olympius rises from the smoke and ash All Grown Up. He's cocky. And apparently rightfully so because he first throws Carter under his boot and then manages to take down the other four rangers in one blow. He kidnaps them and then suffers some kind of migraine. He is forced to retreat.

The bad guys are very boring. Olympius monologues about his plan and restoring his powers and blah blah blah. It's boring. Apparently monsters lose their power in water, so they can't infiltrate the Aqua Base. Except Olympius can totally change his shape to look like the rangers he has trapped in his little star thingy.

Ryan knows an awful lot about Olympius and the Star Power and he explains everything. Meanwhile Olympius approaches as Chad. Chad looks really good evil. He should be evil more often. He throws some dirt on himself and stumbles out to Carter. Carter buys it hook, line, and sinker and takes him straight home. He's not the brightest crayon in the box.

"Kelsey" comes running up and says everybody is back safe and sound and they can call off the search party Captain Awesome ordered. Carter is suspicious but goes with it anyway. "Kelsey" tries to break into the computer. Unsuccessfully. She breaks into Captain Awesome's office instead and, upon being nearly caught, switches to "Dana" instead. "Joel" even manages to fool Ms. Fairweather and gets the doors open. Seriously lady! He didn't hit on you! THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DEAD GIVEAWAY!

This is not actually a bad plan on the part of the bad guys! It seems to be working, mostly because it seems the Aqua Base is full of idiots.

Of course, then Ms. Fairweather figures out there's a problem and tries to stop Joel. It's only when he attacks her that anybody figures out he's not Joel. Olympius changes back into himself and grabs Ms. Fairweather to use as a shield. Yes, let's put the woman in  danger. Great job show.

Ryan attacks from behind. Carter throws Olympius into the water and manages to avoid getting electrocuted despite the massive surge of electricity going all over the place, and then they both end up on the beach. The other rangers are released from the star and the bad guys have to retreat so Olympius can recover from the water issue. One guy stays behind.

There is a fight. It is boring. The rangers win. I can't even remember this bad guy's name.

Olympius beats himself up over losing the rangers. The other villains mock him for being so young.

The other rangers get on Carter about Olympius getting in. They are really mean about the fact that he couldn't tell the difference between Olympius and his friends. They back him up until he falls in the water again. Poor Carter. That wasn't very nice.

5 fish. Oh god show. This was awful. Just... seriously. I cannot wait for this season to be over. It's so god awful boring.

Episode 348 - Rising From Ashes

LESS THAN TWO WEEKS UNTIL MEGAFORCE! Which means we should take this time to plug !

Anyway. Apparently this episode is about Joel and trains. Well, at least its not a bus. Somewhere, Sheldon is clapping his hands in excitement. Of course, when I think of trains, I think of either Shining Time Station or Wee Sing Train. (You have no idea how many times my brother made me watch that.)

ANYWAY.  I guess I should talk about the actual episode instead of finding things to link on youtube.

The scientists are working on some sort of train, and they use a floppy disc, which is adorable, and somehow that completes a project. I'm not sure how the schematics being designed automatically create whatever train it is, but... sure. Meanwhile, the villains are all "Let's bring back some dead monsters." Isn't it a little early for that?

Joel hits on Ms. Fairweather, and she tells him she's off to go look at the volcano, and he tells her to relax. She's all "You mean with you" and he claims he doesn't mean that but... I doubt it. (He does have a point though, she is working really hard!)

Ms. Fairweather's team inspects the volcano, while the villains laugh maniacally. Apparently the volcano is still heating up, and something alive is coming up from under the ground. The team is called in to deal with a volcano, and they rush out in their train zords. Unfortunately, Ms. Fairweather gets trapped inside the volcano cave when the entrance collapses.

The Rangers fight the resurrected monster, and it snaps their sword. Bansheera demands another monster be resurrected, and Vypra is all pleased that the Queen's powers are growing.

Captain Awesome is not being quite as awesome, as he's failing to get that Ms. Fairweather is in trouble, and then the Megazord loses all power. The Captain orders an evacuation of the Zords so they can go rescue Ms. Fairweather, since that's the only way to save the zords. Um. Maybe there should be some redundancy in the job, like, other people to take over in emergency? What happens if she has the flu?

The Rangers find her team, and there's a lovely unmorphed fight against the cute little mooks, and Joel heads off to rescue Ms. Fairweather by himself. Which he manages to do.

Ms. Fairweather is all "reserve power should be back online by now" and then runs off in the jeep so that she can do the science thing and save the day. They just need to buy some time. Now that the Rangers are back in the Zords, that's the cue for the monsters to come back and fight some more.

She yells for the super train program to come online, which... creates the zords out of nothing? Was there a construction project? How did this happen so quickly? Why am I trying to apply logic to this? Anyway. The Rangers breaks the megazord back into parts and goes back to the rail rescues, and then they launch themselves into the air.

So then they get a GIANT NEW ZORD. It is very large. I mean, it towers over the monsters. I...well... it's a train? They are all really impressed.  It is pretty cool that the zord towers over the monsters. I mean, they should just step on the monster.

Unfortunately, when they try and shoot the guns there's a power overload, so they can't use the guns again. Instead, they supercharge turbines. If power overload was a problem, then using something supercharged might not be a good idea. (Yep!) And somehow that makes computers explode back at base. But it works and the monster blows up, and everyone is happy... until the fire nation volcano attacks. But the train has FREEZE MISSILES, so its going to freeze the volcano. My suspension of disbelief only goes so far, show, and you are seriously pushing it.

So Joel is sulking on a couch, when Ms. Fairweather comes in. She thanks him for saving her life. Then she makes a speech about getting wrapped up in her work, and then she invites him to dinner. He's all "YES, DATE." And it turns out he has a framed picture of her.

He shows up at the galley with roses and in an ugly suit, but she's invited everyone. I actually feel bad for him there, a little. That was way harsh.

Fish: Five. NOTHING WORKS LIKE THAT.

Episode 347 - Go Volcanic

Today on Power Rangers, Dana is smart!

So Dana has created a device that will measure volcanic activity. Apparently she is a geologist. And in med school. And a ranger. She is probably really really tired. Anyway, she needs a ride but the others are out with the only vehicle in the whole base, so she decides to utilize public transit.

Apparently Mariner Bay has really good public transport? She doesn't seem to have a long wait, the bus looks clean, and it's not crowded. Of course, there is a Shady Individual there. He has a bag full of money that he flashes and Dana is appropriately suspicious.

The bad guys are setting up shop in the core of the volcano. Seems like a good place. 

It's causing seismic activity all over the place, of course, and the bus driver taking Dana up there says they have to turn around. Shady Individual pulls a gun and hijacks the bus, though. Like, a GUN. It's surprising. Anyway, Dana attacks him because she is determined to get control back and bring the other passengers to safety. Because that's what you do when you're awesome. Bus Driver doesn't handle this well and manages to go half off the bridge, sending Shady Individual out the door and dangling over a long fall onto sharp rocks. Dana attempts to save him, because that's what you do, and her dad tries desperately to get in touch with her.

The other rangers head out to help because they know something is wrong. She tries to pull the guy back into the bus while the other passengers rush to the back of the bus in an attempt to level it out with weight. Dana can't hold him much longer, so a little old lady rushes in to help, then the bus driver. It is surprisingly suspenseful for Power Rangers! I am really actually excited for this bit. They get him back in, of course, but as they do so the bus starts to go right off the bridge. Luckily the other rangers show up just in time and Joel flies in to catch them and place them safely back on the road..

We have seen so little of the bad guys, I actually forgot there was a monster causing all this distress. Then the show reminds me. Dana's seismic activity monitor is going nuts and she says the volcano is about to erupt and they have to stop it. Apparently they have to take the bus up there? But the bus driver is injured and can't drive. Dana confirms. Nobody else apparently knows how to drive, except Shady Individual, who used to be a bus driver. He puts the gun back in the bag and slides it away and then takes the wheel, driving them all to safety. And is apparently redeemed.

The rangers morph and go fight the three-headed volcano monster that has had a total of 2 minutes air time in the whole episode. It's boring.

Shady Individual talks about his time as a bus driver. He used to enjoy it. He liked having people trust him. Old Lady gives him a thumbs up. Injured Bus Driver claps him on the shoulder reassuringly. Shady Individual manages to avoid crashing into a bunch of rocks. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A THING. SHOW. WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME THIS?

Monster I Forgot About grows and all the toys come out and I'm kind of whatever about the whole thing. 

Back at the station, Shady Individual has brought the bus safe and sound to where it belongs. Everybody congratulates the rangers and Dana says Shady Individual is a hero too. He doesn't think so but the passengers all think so. Meanwhile the cops come rolling in because they want to arrest Shady Individual. Dana speaks up for him and Old Lady hands over the bag and the cops agree to take that into account during sentencing. At least he's still arrested and he agrees he should pay for his crimes and he'll be okay after that.

5 fish. This episode was just ridiculous. I am glad we got a less monster-centric/fight-centric episode. But it was an odd episode.

Episode 344 - Wheels of Destruction

We are back, ladies and gentlemen! Pneumonia and holidays and work tends to really knock a person out. We're glad to be back and feeling better and schedules calmed down, because we love this blog and this show and it's great to finally get back to it. I've missed it! Today is a Joel episode. I do not approve. We start off with him going to ask Ms. Fairweather on a date. She is not at all upset when he has to go do Rangery things. She does not approve of his condescending attitude towards her and neither do I. So the rangers go fight something that shows up with lots of mooks. Can I just say I LOVE these guys? They have little bat wings! BAT WINGS! It’s ADORABLE. I hate when they have to fight them. So this monster apparently makes lots of wind. The rangers shoot him and he explodes and they THINK they’ve won. Dana hears something and they discover Vypra has a go-kart. With wings. She fires all the missiles. Joel attempts to take on the go-kart by himself and fails miserably. The only thing worse than his attitude is Vypra’s acting. Rangers chase in the Hummer of Heroness but they lose her. Because she’s in a go-kart, not a car, and therefore can hide in places a HUMMER cannot go. She leaves before finishing the job, though, and that’s okay. Because they have a whole season to get through and she can’t destroy them yet. She then vanishes at 88 miles per hour. Ms. Fairweather is sad at the damage done to the Hummer of Heroness (which is actually called the Rescue Rover, but I don’t care. I like my name better). Joel doesn’t even hit on her. The rangers report the new go-kart of doom to Captain Mitchell. Ms. Fairweather is very sad that her toy is ruined. Vypra gets reamed because she refused to finish the rangers off. They turn to an elephant monster instead and he’s going to stomp Mariner Bay into the dust. Vypra storms off in a pouty huff. Because she can’t act. Ms. Fairweather is busy fixing things when Joel interrupts her work and keeps trying to get her to leave and go on a date with him. She really does not have time for this shit. There is science to be done! But Joel doesn’t really want to take that for an answer so she has to trick him into leaving by telling him she’s working on a surprise and he assumes it's for him. He moons over her in the bunk. Carter and Chad gently mock him. But then he gets all snotty and says “She didn’t have to yes to a date with me because she loves me so much she has all her co-workers working around the clock to build me something awesome”. NO, JACKASS. You are self-centered and condescending. That is not attractive. Then he tells Carter to learn from his example, because Carter was clearly mocking him. NO CARTER. DO NOT LEARN FROM HIS EXAMPLE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE A BETTER MAN THAN THAT. The rangers must go help a bunch of injured people because Vypra took to town with her Go-Kart of Doom. But then she does that 88 miles per hour thing again and Carter is not happy. He reports to Captain Mitchell and they come up with a plan. They need Ms. Fairweather’s surprise. Which is not for Joel, despite what he thinks, the condescending ass. He tells them to act surprised. But it’s him that will be surprised. Because her job is personal, but not for Joel. She built them ALL motorcycles (Lightspeed Cycles, whatever, they’re motorcycles)! Because she is AWESOME. Joel is disappointed, because he’s a douchebag who thinks her world revolves around him. Because he thought she was building him a ray gun thingy. But she wasn’t. She was building for the TEAM. Because it’s about the TEAM. Not about Joel The Jackass. Then there is a fight with the elephant monster thing and it is boring. I want more Ms. Fairweather, please! Then they go fight Vypra and her Go-Kart of Doom on their motorcycles and that’s only slightly less boring. They win this time. Back on base, Joel goes to talk to Ms. Fairweather. He says the motorcycle is very complex and he wants her to give him a private lesson. She is totally mocking him and I LOVE HER FOR IT. She tells him she will not go out with him because it’s against the rules. Regulation 322.1 – no fraternization between squad members. He is sure they’d have a great time if it weren’t for that pesky rule. She continues to mock him. BECAUSE SHE IS THE BEST EVER. And he’s a self-centered JACKASS. There is also no regulation 322.1. As Dana points out. Ms. Fairweather confirms but says in Joel’s case, there should be. I LOVE HER SO. 5 fish. This episode flipped between Joel is a Jackass and Buy Our Shiny New Toys. Also, it was boring. I was contemplating tagging it Rage Inducing, because Joel makes me see red, except then I realized I'd have to do that for ALL his episodes and... no. Just... no.

Episode 335 - Escape the Lost Galaxy

So hey! DragonCon. That was a thing that happened. Did I see any of you at the Power Rangers panel on Saturday? But as I now owe TWO con reports, I guess I should talk about the recap instead.

Well. That last episode was super boring, right? I guess we know why all the fish abandoned that one, they were needed for this episode.

We start off with villain guy kidnapping people from Terra Venture to make them slaves. Because apparently what Lost Galaxy really needs is a slave AU. (I'm totally serious about this.) We'd also like to point out that villain guy has an amazing horned helmet, and somewhere Loki is super jealous.

Mike is very upset about the slave situation. Kai is playing... is that 3D chess? YES. Oh right, while we got distracted over that, Mike comes up with a plan for him to get kidnapped and taken and the others can go after him. He refuses to let Leo go with him. This plan seems to be working just fine, and Mutiny welcomes them to his slave camp, and we get Mike in chains. *____* (And at some point after he's chained, he removes some of his clothing to show off his nice arms.)

The slaves are all digging for jewels (which are all shiny immediately out of the ground), and some old man is being threatened for not working fast enough. Mike helps a woman who collapses, even though she tells him not to help her. Turns out if you help someone else out, you'll both get destroyed or something.

Mike gets beaten by the villain, but slave woman manages to help him since Mike had given his collected jewels to her grandfather.

Kai starts studying the book, and Leo suggests reading the spell backwards. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WAIT TO DO THIS UNTIL AFTER YOU HAVE MIKE BACK, YOU IDIOTS. Anyway, we get a lights show, and the two hide behind a couch, until they realize they did it. Everyone is very excited that the portal is open, and now they're about to leave. HEY, MIKE IS STILL A SLAVE, MORONS.

All the slaves are being led back to their cells, when Mike grabs random girl and tackles her. She tries to refuse to leave without her grandfather, which nearly gets them caught, so then her grandfather causes a distraction and gets put in a "special" cell.

Mike calls the others and tells them 30 minutes (how do they know they won't be through the portal by then?) and starts the escape. I don't know why he wanted the thirty minute delay, since getting all the Rangers there would HELP EARLIER. But planning is clearly not their strong suit. All the slaves start to board the Megaship, but the girl refuses to leave without her grandfather, who is still locked up. Shouldn't they have grabbed him earlier? Fish. So many fish.

Girl and Mike release the grandfather from the stockade, and then Mike morphs, sending the other two back to the ship. Girl and grandfather make it back to the ship, but Mike is still fighting. The rangers hand out blankets to everyone, and the girl figures out that Mike is still missing. Mutiny fires at the Rangers, but Mike distracts him long enough for the Rangers and former slaves to escape.

Instead, Mike gets hit and knocked out, and the villains decide to go to stop Terra Venture from reaching the portal. Mike is visiting by the spirit of the Magna Defender, who tells him that he has his most important mission ever. The portal is rapidly closing, and Mike in the Torozord shows up and holds the wormhole portal open, which somehow a) restores the wormhole (how has Terra Venture NOT gone through yet?) and b) blows Mike up? The amount of science doesn't work that way can't be stressed enough.

Both ships make it through the portal, and Mutiny follows them, but Trakeena is having NONE of it, and she blows them up, because she is GREAT and doesn't want the competition.

Leo goes searching for Mike, and he finds his UNMORPHED BODY floating in space. Leo's main concern is that his MORPHER has been destroyed, not that Mike should be DEAD. Of course, turns out that Mike is still alive, but he's lost his powers, and that's it. The Magna Defender's spirit shows up and thanks him for everything, but SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT.

If he'd stayed MORPHED until Leo had got him, I would have bought that and it would have been super dramatic, etc. BUT SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT. I will BUY THAT THEY CAN BREATHE ON THE MOON, BECAUSE REASONS. But I can't buy this. I'm sorry, that is RIDICULOUS.

Fish: FIVE. And this episode is lucky we can't redo the fish scale so I could give it TEN.

Fic we want: I wasn't kidding about the slave AU.

Episode 334 - Raise the Titanisaur

Today on Power Rangers, we get even more toys. Joy. We start off with engine troubles. Things are not going well on Terra Venture. Damon is down in the engine rooms running around ordering people to cool things down and turn that knob and press that button. There is lots of steam and explosions and it's all pretty great that everybody just listens to him. He calls for the evacuation of the area because he realizes this is one problem they just can't fix. The engine explodes. Damon meanders through the hall later, sweaty, dirty, exhausted, heartbroken. He actually plays this very well. He apologizes to the captain for failing him, but the captain reassures him. It's okay. He knows Damon tried. He also knows Damon can keep the other three going. He later tells Mike that if they lose another engine, they're lost. Which is a little odd. Because I thought they already were lost and there was no way they could get home OR to whatever their destination was in the first place? But whatever. Damon is amazing, so I forgive the show forgetting they were lost all this time. Meanwhile, the beach area is closed. One would think they could conserve fuel and engine performance if they, I don't know, SHUT OFF SOME OF THE UNNECESSARY DOMES? Like, turn the ocean off or something. Seriously, do you need beaches and waves on a space station? Not this one. Anyway, Barbaraxe shows up on the beach and the rangers have to fight him and then Deviot shows up and taunts them. As he does. The ground rumbles. (ground. on a spaceship. this show... I will never get over this) The Rangers are confused because I guess even they realize spaceships are not supposed to have EARTHQUAKES. Whatever. Out of the ocean rises Titanisaur. HOW DID HE GET THERE? HOW DID NOBODY NOTICE? HOW COME NOBODY IN THE CASTLE ON HIS BACK DROWNED WHILE BEING SUBMERGED UNDER SO MUCH WATER? ON A FREAKING SPACESHIP??? I mean, at least this coming-out-of-the-ocean shot was better than Dragonzord's shot? And that means somewhere Tommy is crying his manly tears of jealous sorrow over this fact, which makes that whole scene totally worthwhile. But it still makes NO SENSE. So then all the toys come out to fight Titanisaur and look, we're less than 10 minutes into this episode and it's all fighting. ZORD FIGHTING. Which is even more boring than morphed fighting. I'm sad that the only fighting I care about, unmorphed fighting, is so incredibly rare. Anyway, Titanisaur overheats and has to go into the ocean to cool down. THE OCEAN ON THE SPACESHIP GUYS. The rangers regroup to plan on how to beat him. Kai suggests focusing on the castle on his back. Karone points out that "if" is not the word to use, but rather "when". Meanwhile, Damon checks on the engines because he is a super awesome engineer and that's what you do when you've lost an engine and are responsible for keeping the other three working. So Titanisaur comes back as soon as he's cooled down. We get all the fugzords again. Mike even leaves his post to go help. In the City Dome. BECAUSE SPACESHIPS OFTEN HAVE LARGE CITIES WITH SKYSCRAPERS AND ABANDONED WAREHOUSE DISTRICTS FOR MONSTERS TO FIGHT THROUGH, OF COURSE! Oh this show. The castle is gone, because Captain Mutiny got wise to his weakness and left it behind. Maya is all about taking care of business anyway and Damon is very supportive of her kicking ass. As you do. There is a lot of fighting. Really boring fighting. Guys, this isn't even fishy, it's just boring. THIS EPISODE IS TOO BORING TO EVEN HAVE FISH! THE FISH HAVE ABANDONED IT BECAUSE IT'S SO BORING. What has this world come to??? So we end up with four zords and a rubber dinosaur suit fighting it out in the abandoned warehouse district OF YOUR FRIENDLY LOCAL SPACESHIP. They win. Of course. Fighting finally over, another engine is about to explode. Damon is fighting to keep it going. He even stops to reassure some guy he's doing a good job turning that valve. Oh Damon. I heart you so much. He manages to save the engine. Because he's clearly the most awesome person ever. And I love that he's totally in charge. He may not run the whole department, but he is definitely in the highest ranking position that still allows him to fix things and get dirty. Chief or Foreman or whatever. And his crew trust him! Look at them running straight into the danger zone because he asks them to... and goes himself as well. Damon is totally my favourite. 5 fish. There was no plot and yes, technically the fish abandoned this episode. They gave it up as a lost cause. It was too boring even for fish, which is an automatic five.

Episode 330 - Grunchor on the Loose

Today on Power Rangers... I have no clue what I just watched. We start off with the Starship Troopers opening a big wooden crate. The Rangers rush in to tell them not to open it, that it's a trick. They are too late and there is an explosion and then a weird plant/bug/creature thing that shoots LASERS FROM IT'S EYEBALLS. It burrows underground because... well... I don't know why. It just does. It tears up roads and underground tunnels and... why does a spaceship have ground again? The rangers report that they saw slaves and the big pirate ship has no plans to help them, he just wants to enslave them all too. I had actually forgotten about that. Oh well. The military is running around telling people to evacuate and don't go underground and AGAIN I ASK. WHY DOES A SPACESHIP HAVE AN UNDERGROUND???? AND WHERE THE HECK ARE THESE PEOPLE EVEN EVACUATING TO? Whatever, the monster is in the underground highway. He apparently also spits purple poison on top of his laser eyes and I really hope he eats Nedry. Mutiny's goombas wear kilts. Well, skirts, but I think they're supposed to look like kilts. Or awkward pantaloons. Doesn't matter, I'm impressed either way! Deviot oversees them moving... something... and the rangers stop them and wonder how he managed to get to the Lost Galaxy as well. Because the show finally remembered it's title. I am still less than impressed with these space pirates. TSB and I agree that they aren't nearly as great as the Gokaigers. Maya has a chance to destroy Deviot and Leo stops her because... reasons? He thinks they can get information out of Deviot (oh Leo) and Maya really knew better. But of course nobody listens to her. Deviot feeds them false information and then runs away. The rangers then encounter Grunchor. Apparently we get two monsters this week? Or is the big guy Grunchor? It's really not clear to me. This is a lot of fighting. I'm trying to care about it, I really am, but I just can't be bothered. Grunchor shows up and the rangers combine powers to throw fire at him which really just serves to piss him off. Really guys? Did you actually think Deviot gave you reliable information on how to beat his side? REALLY? They have to call the fugzords. Nobody bothers to get this guys motive either. He could just be cranky. Maybe he has a cold. Maybe he wasn't allowed to get a good night's sleep. Heck, maybe he's confused and thinks he's helping. They just assume he's evil and wants to destroy them, so they fight him. The fight is not going well so the rangers have pulled out alllll the toys. Literally, all of them. Some I don't even remember seeing, but I'm sure were introduced at some point over this past season. Honestly, it's been kind of a rambly season to me, like it never really knew what it wanted to say or where it stood. It... meandered. And so not a lot of it stuck with me. Anyway, All-the-Toys seem to be doing the trick until Captain Mutiny decides to join the fight. Then they start to lose again. It's still pretty boring. I just... I don't quite get why this episode had so much fighting? I really would have liked to get some kind of back story for Grunchor or explanation for why there were two monsters this week or... something. Leo keeps trying to sacrifice himself. Then Mike keeps trying to sacrifice himself. Then Leo does it again. We keep expecting the Dragonzord to show up because this is such a Tommy episode. Tommy, this is not your season! Get out of this episode! Suddenly the others decide to jump in and sacrifice themselves too and this is apparently enough to destroy the poor unexplained monster. Later, the rangers discover Captain Mutiny's planet can just vanish off the radar. Because... reasons? They're in a lost galaxy I guess? Science still does not work that way. And never will. (random note: Curiosity lands tonight. I am incredibly excited about this) 5 fish. Because I don't know what I just watched. And I felt really bad for the poor unexplained monster.

Episode 329 - Beware the Mutiny

Previously on Lost Galaxy - FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH.

Or, in other words, the writers remembered the title of the season and were like "SHIT, we need to actually have the title be relevant to what's going on. Um. Crap."

So somehow they're in some lost galaxy, which doesn't actually make any sense, because how do you LOSE AN ENTIRE GALAXY especially when a) people can get in with a book and b) people are already living there. What the hell, writers. Just send Daniel Jackson and SG-1 to investigate, okay?

Trakeena is all "they've entered the lost galaxy" which apparently a) everyone knows about and b) is the most mysterious place. Trakeena doesn't want to enter the galaxy, and I've decided that the galaxy is secretly inside the M'Kraan Crystal, mostly because I feel like linking to X-Men stuff.

Apparently there are no stars to navigate by or something, and I'm pretty sure this means that there are no FAMILIAR stars to navigate by, because we can clearly see stars. Also, apparently everyone can breathe in space or whatever. The commander and Mike get a vision of some old man warning them never to look back, except it seems Mike and the Commander never left the ship, and the fish are strong with this one. Even the clocks are wrong, and it seems like time is moving backwards. I'm sure that the MMPR kids can sympathize, but at least it doesn't seem like we're getting baby!Galaxy Rangers, although I would be totally in favor of that.

Somewhere else, we meet Captain Mutiny and his ship of Pirates. I approve of Space Pirates, and I'm already shipping him with Divatox on general principle. For some reason they're referring to their own galaxy as lost, but they live there and clearly know where they are, so I don't know why they're calling it that. I'll give Mutiny credit, his ship is pretty damn cool. And we get a bunch of pirate jokes.

The Commander and the executive board of the ship are talking about how to get out of there, when Mike is all "um, there's a castle on a dinosaur coming towards us" which may be the greatest sentence ever said in the history of this show. Seriously, that is why I watch Power Rangers, because we get castles on the backs of Dinosaurs. Anyway, the pirates are rowing in space and apparently they can breathe in space, The Starship Trooper armor is out in full force, which is nice.

Mutiny is all "I come in peace" which is clearly bullshit, but he gives them a gift of sparkling coins. Stanton tells everyone to be at ease, because he's a moron.

Seriously, why are they still calling it the Lost Galaxy. THEY KNOW WHERE THEY ARE. Mutiny offers a way to send them home, but they have to go to his planet. BECAUSE IT IS CLEARLY A TRAP, but Stanton is all "we have no other choice" so he sends Mike to go retrieve the machine.

Karone is all "everyone is an idiot, this is too easy" because she is the greatest. The Rangers go to spy as Mike picks up the package, and they decide to investigate. And we find out that Mutiny keeps slaves. You guys, canon slavery. I will totally take all the bad and wrong fic where the Rangers are slaves. They figure out that whatever is in the box will make Terra Venture slaves. However, they get spotted by another slave, who begs them for help, giving away their position.

Cue monster attack. Fight, Zords, etc. The amount that I don't care can't be expressed in words. Could we instead talk about the AU where the Rangers get captured as slaves? WAY more interesting and if anyone wants to write a bad and wrong fic that would be great.

Oh, and Deviot shows up and drains the energy from the nearly defeated monster or whatever.

On Terra Venture, they open the box that was given to them by Mutiny even though they know NOTHING ABOUT IT, because they are idiots and even as the Rangers are running and yelling them not to open it, it is too late and a GIANT UGLY MONSTER that somehow fit in a box that is clearly smaller then him shows up and burrowed underground. WORST SECURITY EVER.

I guess that's supposed to be a cliffhanger or something. Whatever.

Fish: FIVE. LOGIC DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT.

Episode 328 - Enter the Lost Galaxy

Oh hey! The show FINALLY remembered it's title! We start off with some guys wearing glasses, clearly meant to be scientist/geeks, analyzing a bit of the book. They translate some text and start chanting, but it sparks some blue energy that wipes out ALL power in the entire colony. ALL OF IT. You'd think once they realized they were causing the pretty blue sparks with the chanting, they'd STOP SAYING IT. But no, they had to cut off power instead. Mike says they're replacing transformers as fast as they possibly can and OH SHOW! OH SHOW! Space travel does NOT work like that. At one of the sites of the transformer, an ancient dude wakes up from a cave. He morphs into one of the power workers and manages to pull a yellow hard hat out of his ass (not literally, but it came out of NOWHERE and he just nonchalantly puts it on his head). The Head Honchos are discussing Plans. Ancient Shapeshifter Guy is wandering around and nobody questions why he's poking in the science area and not out fixing transformers (oh show... transformers... really?). He goes to take the book, but Kai and the Space Colony Police stop him. Worst. Security. EVER. Seriously. They take him to the Head Honchos instead of straight to a holding cell and I have NO IDEA why. Because they are clearly vying for that golden Worst Security award, I guess. They eventually take him to a holding cell and he tells Kai that he needs help to recover the book, because it doesn't belong. Kai is all "Uh, dude? Really?" and the guys is all "Cause you're the blue ranger, duh". Apparently the guards standing RIGHT THERE didn't hear. Whatever. Clearly they had their training in Angel Grove. Kai learns it is his destiny to help return the Galaxy Book to where it belongs and he takes that information to the other rangers. They think it's a Trakeena plot. Kai believes him. Especially when he takes him breakfast and finds him sweating thick blue... something. Question. Why is NOBODY wondering where this guy came from? How did this ancient guy get awoken from a long hibernation ON A NEWLY BUILT SPACE COLONY????? Clearly I am throwing too much logic into this. Kai leaves with the guy in R.A.L.F.. The guy gives him some protection trinket things and runs away. Kai STEALS THE FREAKING BOOK AND NOBODY NOTICES. This really is the worst security ever. Geez. And of course, Kai gets attacked. Because Deviot knows everything? Or something. But it's okay! Because Ancient Guy gives Deviot an intense smack down. Except he really can't live long outside of his galaxy/book/wherever the heck he came from, and dies in Kai's arms. The job of guarding the book has now passed to Kai. And he fails in his first two seconds, because Deviot has the book and starts calling forth all manner of dark things. His plan is to lose the galaxy? Except there is already a lost galaxy so... is this a second galaxy he wants to lose? Can you really lose two galaxies? Or is he trying to make sure the first lost galaxy stays lost? And how does one even go about losing a galaxy in the first place? It's not like your car keys or spare change or that darned coupon that you know is about to expire and you want to use but can't remember where you put it. It's a freaking GALAXY. And can it really be lost if there is both a book giving directions to said galaxy (and people know where this book is) AND there are people living in this galaxy? I mean, clearly it's not lost to THEM. They know right where they are. Anyway Deviot is now really powerful and strong and looks kind of creepy and Predator like. There is a boring fight where the rangers basically get their asses handed to them, even with all the shiny toys. And I really don't care about the fight, okay? They do manage to take him out in the end, but the book is going all kinds of crazy with the wind and the blue lightning and it's kind of weird. When it all dies down, the book is intact, but there are black scorch marks all over the ground. Kai picks it up and starts to read it but had to be pulled away by Leo. He hears voices. They start to take the book back, when they are suddenly surrounded by space and galaxies they don't know and nobody knows what's going on. So Kai recites a poem. Because he knows where they are, now that he has all that super book knowledge. They're in the lost galaxy. Oh hey look! The lost galaxy! Guess it isn't lost anymore! Or is it? Can they still call it lost if they are there? Existential questions of life, brought to you by Power Rangers. 5 fish. OMG SO MANY FISH. How did the guy get on Terra Venture? How did the guards not hear that Kai is the blue ranger? How did nobody see Kai steal the book? Why continue chanting when it's clearly blowing out your power? WHY DOES A SPACESHIP RUN ON TRANSFORMERS? THE FISH, YOU GUYS, I COULD NOT SEE MOST OF THIS EPISODE BECAUSE THE FISH JUST KEPT GETTING IN THE WAY.

Episode 327 - Turn Up The Volume

It's a Damon episode! OMG it has been so long since we had a Damon episode! So Karone is tearing through the halls and she runs into Damon in the middle of a job and BEGS him to come with her to see something. She drags him through the halls to the job board, when really he should be working, but she wanted to point out that the Chief Mechanic spot is open. How they have unfilled jobs on a freaking SPACE STATION I don't know. Karone encourages him and some random Mean Boys tell him not to bother. One of them looks like Daniel Jackson. I wouldn't go up against Daniel Jackson either. But of course Karone says Damon will beat him, and Damon's all "Uh... I guess?" because really, he has Shit To Do. Meanwhile, Trakeena is trying to find a new monster. She found a sound thing that makes everything shake and break. She sends him to Terra Venture. Where Karone is asking Damon about what invention he's going to present and he's all "I DON'T KNOW! THIS WAS YOUR IDEA, OK?" Poor Damon. He doesn't even want to DO this. But then there is a monster and they are distracted from their angst. The monster does his Sonic Blast thingy and everybody covers their ears... through their helmets. Because that helps or something? Anyway, Damon is awesome and blows up one of the monsters woofers. Which stops him temporarily. Mean Guy is in the bar thing area trying to come up with an invention for the mechanic position. He's not having much luck. Damon and Karone walk past talking about an ultrasonic transmitter and Mean Guy overhears. He wants to steal the idea. Damon is up past 11 working on it and Karone tells him to go get some sleep, but he's determined to finish. Oh Damon, I love you and your amazing work ethic! Seriously, nothing quite as sexy as a responsible and determined man. Karone goes to investigate a noise and Damon works well past 1am, where he eventually falls asleep on his desk. Where Mean Guy steals his plans. Because Mean Guy is apparently not as sure about this job. WHY IS THERE A JOB FOR CHIEF MECHANIC I JUST... I CAN'T EVEN DEAL WITH THIS. Damon wakes up late, missing the deadline, and Karone is frustrated. Dude, he was up really really late! Can't blame him. He runs into the presentation just in time to find out Mean Guy got the job. Mr. Baxter is apparently his name. And that's when they realize he stole Damon's plans. Karone is about to call him about, but Damon is SUPER PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE and wishes him the best, says how proud he must be. Damon is not happy he cheated, but he figures Baxter wants the job way more than he does if he's willing to cheat. Damon doesn't stoop that low (mind, he shouldn't really let Baxter get away with stealing his work, but I appreciate that he realizes there is a time and a place to address the issue, and in front of a large crowd celebrating the job is probably not the best place to do so). Damon goes to warn Baxter that he didn't finish the plans. Baxter doesn't listen. Damon will be having none of this, thanks, and will find a way to save the day. I LOVE DAMON YOU GUYS. Like, seriously, best ranger. The rangers have to fight the sonic monster thingy and it's mostly boring. Baxter's device fails miserably because Damon didn't get a chance to finish his plans. Duh. Mind, it was built so fast that pretty much EVERYBODY should have known it wouldn't work. Because SCIENCE IS NOT IMMEDIATE YO. Anyway, the device overloads and Damon jumps in to save Baxter from being obliterated in the explosion. Because Damon is AMAZING GUYS. The Commander demands to know what happened and Baxter doesn't know. The Commander is all "But you designed it! You should know." and AGAIN SCIENCE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT. You need to analyze the wreckage, get some data, determine what doesn't match, what happened. You can't just KNOW. Baxter is about to say it was Damon's plan when Damon steps in and says Baxter needs TIME. Which is true. Although Damon should have let him own up to stealing. Either way, they work together and solve the problem and fix the machine in a matter of minutes and then the monster is defeated. DAMON IS THE BESTEST EVER. Karone is helping Damon fix stuff and she is all "I can't believe you let him get away with it! That job should be yours!" and Damon is all "He's not such a bad guy." Which is true. But still. Baxter owns up to it and steps down from the job. He nominates Damon to take his place. EXCEPT DAMON WASN'T REALLY INTO THE JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE, SHOW! He seems all excited for an office and stuff? Except he doesn't like the desk and he doesn't like that he won't be hands on fixing things and he LIKES getting dirty and he LIKES his coveralls. BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT THIS JOB. Karone keeps trying to talk him into it. BUT HE DOESN'T WANT IT. He insists Baxter take the job, even though Baxter stole his work, because Baxter actually wants the job. AND DAMON NEVER WANTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE OKAY? Much as I love Karone, she is a really bad friend for a)not listening to him at all and b)trying to force him into being something he is not. He was happy where he was. There is nothing wrong with his job the way it was. He LIKES hands on manual work. LET HIM HAVE HIS HAPPY JOB PEOPLE. Karone is not happy. But Damon is, and that's the important part. 5 fish. Job searches do not work this way. Jobs do not work this way. Stealing does not work this way (except, unfortunately, when it totally does). Science does not work this way. Also, Karone is a bad friend.

Episode 322 - The Chameliac Warrior

We start off with Mike showing off his really nice arms. We have to give the brothers credit - seriously, niiiiiiiiiiiiiice. He's jogging and stretching and then he hears some villains who have (once again) infiltrated Terra Venture. Man, this space ship has HORRIBLE security. I guess the same people who designed this also designed Corinth. Somehow he notices that the villains have dropped a disc and grabs it, but is noticed by the villains. The MotW not only knows Mike's fighting style (and has copied his blaster), but somehow knows it better than him. Mike and his swirly cape gets rescued by the other Rangers, and they decide to investigate what was on the disc to see what Villemax was up to. Mike is all bandaged (including one around his hair for some reason) but he looks fine. At least when Leo is in the hospital wing, he looks all beaten up. Seriously, we could use more beaten up Leo and Mike. Mike continues to explain how it seems like the monster knew exactly how he fought and was able to copy him. Up on Trakeena's ship, the monster is analyzing all of the Rangers moves so that he will be able to copy them. This scene goes on FOREVER. I guess they really had to fill some time in this episode. After what seems like FOREVER he is done copying their moves. The villains are constructing something (and seriously, worst security ever) and the villains are tipped off that the Rangers are on their way. Apparently the villains are constructing a laser, but Chameliac is going to distract them until its ready. The Rangers morph and fight the Stingwingers, and the Rangers each go up against Chameliac in turn and they get thoroughly beaten. The Rangers summon the fish of Orion, but Chameliac does the same, and turns the fish back against them. As Chameliac says, not only can he do anything they can do better, but he makes it look good. While they're discussing what's going on, Maya is cuddling Kendrix, and that is worth discussing. Kai is all "we need a plan" and he rambles on about computers, but Leo is all "ok, just feed them wrong information." Mike starts removing the useless bandages and is analyzing the laser data. (Although for some reason he leaves on the useless head bandage. I guess they just wanted to hide his hair, which is surprisingly not floppy.) The Rangers all go to investigate the laser and morph. They use each others fighting styles/supposed signature moves that we haven't really noticed before to confuse/destroy the monster (although of COURSE Leo has to show off his ridiculous motorcycle thing.) Chameliac grows and the fug zords get summoned, and Mike realizes that the big plan is for the laser to destroy the fug zords. However, he shows up just in time and shoots the laser, destroying it. The Fugazord gets formed but it seems Chameliac has also copied the Megazords moves, so they summon another Megazord and blow him up. Leo and Mike go jogging to show off their arms, and then the fugly Lion Zord shows up to thank them for saving him from being destroyed by the laser. Fish: 5. This was ridiculous.

Episode 319 - Mean Wheels Mantis

Wow, this episode was a) dull and b) makes no sense. A whole episode about getting a new toy, with nothing else to offer. I apologize in advance. Recapping races (of the non-wacky variety) is really dull. We get a shot of some mountains, and the geography of this colony still makes no sense. Maya is, for some reason, up a tree, and having a conversation with her fugly zord. She insists that talking to her zord is easy, and starts pulling a Pocahontas listen with your heart thing. Meanwhile, Trakeena has a new monster courtesy of Deviot, and he's really annoying. He's a Mantis on a bike, and seriously, I wonder how the colony manages to keep rebuilding all the buildings that are destroyed. I mean, its not like they have unlimited resources. They are on a space ship. Maya and Kendrix show up and fight him, and the girls are pretty awesome! Just as the other Rangers show up, Maya and Kendrix get turned into trophies. Mantis is all "Won't change them back unless you beat me in a race" and at least this episode is giving me an excuse to link to Wacky Races. The boys start chasing him around the dome, and seriously, the geography of Terra Venture makes NO SENSE at all. The monster is, of course cheating, and Kai gets knocked out by a rope placed on the road. Damon gets taken out by some falling rocks, so only Leo is left. Leo and the monster fight and the monster manages to beat him via more cheating, and the monster vanishes with the trophies of Maya and Kendrix. Leo is blaming himself for this, even though a) monster cheated and b) Damon and Kai also got knocked out. Damon is all "our bikes are trashed, we're screwed" and he also insists that its too dangerous. Of course, since Damon is also Miles O'Brien, he will come up with something brilliant. But really, he is only one man, and he can only do so much. The Fug Zords try to talk to Leo, and somehow he understands that they're telling him he needs more power? Or something? So he takes his bike (which is fixed, because Damon is brilliant) and goes to find the monster. Leo puts up his saber as the stakes for the race. The monster continues to cheat by shooting at him and jumping on his bike and just generally cheating. But Leo thinks about his friends and listens with his heart and somehow that makes his bike morph into a new bike. I... am not sure how listening with your heart manages to create a new bike that can also turn into a fireball but whatever, for Power Rangers, this somehow makes sense. I guess. The fish did it or whatever. Damon is really impressed with the bike, and I still have NO IDEA HOW THE BIKE WAS CREATED. Anyway, since this episode is even more about selling toys than normal, we get the zord fight on top of the buy the shiny new bike toy propaganda. Leo tells Maya that he learned about the cycle from the beast, and then tells her a story about baby galactabeasts, which is adorable, but also bullshit. Basically, Leo's whole plan boils down to keeping his fingers crossed and hoping for the best. I bet he supports the Chudley Cannons. And then the team has an orgy. Fish: Five. Seriously. What. This was the most blatant "buy the new toy" episode in a while.

Episode 310 - Stolen Beauty

I have been incredibly cranky for almost a week now, so I actually requested this episode. Why? Because if I'm going to be annoyed with something, I might as well be annoyed with something that deserves it. In case you can't tell, I do not like this episode. I could do a whole feminism 101 post and talk about the representation of women in media, but I really don't feel like it and you can google it anyway. The point is, I have a lot of feelings about this episode and everything is symbolizes, and I really fucking hate stealing beauty plots as if that is the only thing important about (cis) women. I am also not going to rant about beauty standards and what it is that beauty actually means, and especially whether we're talking about western ideals of beauty and seriously, everything about this is bullshit.

Disclaimer: I am going to try and talk about these things to the best of my ability, but if I screw up and say something ridiculous or offensive, please let me know and I will do my best to fix it.

So. Episode.

We open with Trakeena pulling an evil Queen from Snow White, and the mirror tells her that she's the most beautiful, except for a lot of other girls from Terra Venture, so she immediately orders the monster to steal all the beauty from the women (almost all white, thin and "conventionally attractive") which... makes their skin yellow and purple and turns the beauty into sand? There is really only so many times that I can loudly scream BULLSHIT, right?

The monster goes after some more women, and the Rangers show up to fight him, and I'm honestly spending most of this time ranting angrily because FEELINGS and RAGE. Also, I'm explaining to QR that this isn't a stealing inner beauty thing, this is basically all about physical appearances.

Trakeena is all happy that all the beauty has been stolen, but decides she will go see for herself. She turns herself into another thin white woman, and apparently she's so hot that all the men (because everyone on the station is straight apparently) can't control themselves and lose track of everything but how hot she is and just follow her around and this is SUPER DISTURBING AND WRONG, AND SHOW, WHAT SORT OF MESSAGE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GIVING HERE.

Trakeena sees Mike and goes after him, and we see him in a bar which is apparently run by Bulk and the Professor. (Hey, they exist.) The two of them apparently got fired and now they're running a bar. Trakeena comes in and everyone immediately hits on her, and Mike appears to be the only one unaffected. Bulk gives Trakeena Mike's food, and she promptly puts a potion on it and returns it to him.

She flirts with him really badly, but he's also really bad at it. (Seriously, you live around here? On a space station? Worst ever.) He doesn't eat the burger because he's late to meet the others, but he invites her along. Back on Scorpius's ship, Scorpius is all excited about a cocoon that is being built for Trakeena.

Mike introduces Trakeena to the other rangers, and the boys are all immediately in love with her, but the girls are fine, because apparently there are no LGB people on Terra Venture. The boys are openly discussing how hot Trakeena is and the girls are clearly annoyed.

The monster shows back up, and starts to steal the beauty from the girls, but Trakeena is like "it's me, you idiot" so it only attacks Kendrix and Maya. Mike escorts Trakeena away, while the boys fight. Apparently losing their beauty has also made them unconscious.

Mike says he's escorting Trakeena home, but instead they go buy some drinks, and she spikes his.He drinks it and appears to pass out. The monster shows up and hands Trakeena the sand, but it turns out that Mike had switched the glasses when her back was turned, and the sand magically makes everyone white again.

FUCK THIS EPISODE. There are some serious unfortunate implications here, show. YOU ARE USUALLY BETTER ABOUT SUCH THINGS.

The Rangers all morph and fight. QR and I discuss how drunk we need to get to finish this episode. I'm seriously considering breaking out the vodka. And judging by the sentai footage, this was supposed to be an episode about Kendrix, so I can be cranky about how Kendrix should have had more to do as well. (So, in an episode about female beauty standards, all Kendrix and Maya have had to do are be annoyed with Trakeena and get knocked out. Whaaaaaaaaaaaat.) The fugly zords get summoned and they destroy the monster.

Later, Mike does a magic trick, and Damon is really impressed. Because it's all an illusion, like Trakeena's beauty, apparently. WAIT, IS THAT THE MORAL OF THIS STORY? And then the boys are horrified by the girls' beauty regimens.

Show. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE WORDS.

Trakeena doesn't want to get put into the cocoon because she doesn't want to be ugly. Instead, she runs away.

Fish: FIVE. I AM SO PISSED OFF. This is wrong on so many levels, and frankly, incredibly fucking disturbing, and I am going to have some vodka and strike this episode from my personal canon.

Episode 307 - Shark Attack

I remember nothing about this episode. Although the title sounds like a bad SyFy original movie. (Hey, when IS the bad JDF original movie One Warrior thing coming out? I'm still waiting for that.)

So Treacheron is moping around in prison, when the Shark brothers show up to rescue him. They tell him that Trakeena set him up (DUH. I mean, I love her, but she is very obvious with her scheming.)

Trakeena shows up to taunt him, and he tells her that he is loyal to Scorpius and he would like to prove his loyalty. He gives her a map to give to Scorpius that he says will prove his loyalty. (Um, why does he still have a map on him? Really?) Trakeena, of course, is all "mwahaha, I will go find the gauntlet that this map leads to myself."

Treacheron then escapes, and we cue the themesong. Why is it such an earworm?

For some reason this map leads to stuff buried on Terra Venture? Trakeena is all "this shiny thing is mine" and then Treacheron shows up and tells her that the goblet is worthless, and then it disintegrates. When did Treacheron have time to plant the goblet there? Why would he plant it on Terra Venture? When did he draw the map? How does this plan make any sense?

Treacheron and Trakeena taunt each other, and then Treacheron destroys a bunch of stingwingers. Treacheron is about to fight Trakeena when the Rangers show up, and there's a fight scene, and Trakeena runs away, with Treacheron chasing after her. Except Leo keeps getting in his way, because Leo is great. The Shark Brothers leave the other Rangers alone to continue to chase after Trakeena, except she runs into the Magna Defender. We get another flashback to the Magna Defender's son, and he says that he will kill Scorpius's only child in revenge for Scorpius doing that to him. But then Magna Defender appears to have a crisis of conscience and we hear Mike's voice telling him not to give into vengeance. Leo hears it as well, and he totally gets beaten up. Trakeena escapes, and the villains all run off.

Treacheron then is all "will prove my loyalty by destroying the Rangers" and we find out that they can't activate the fish without all of them together.

Leo, meanwhile, is all shirtless in the hospital and I approve so hard. He is pretty. The others all run off to the Forest Dome to fight the Shark Brothers (who really don't look like Sharks.) Also, their grammar is horrible. I hate it that they're all "You'se Guys!" The Rangers find out that the Lights won't work, and then we get a fight scene where the Rangers are not doing well.

Leo is still in the medbay being all beaten up prettily, and then Mike starts talking to him again. He has a vision of Mike and his lovely floppy hair, and ghost!Mike tells him that his friends are being beaten up. Leo wakes up and is still pretty and shirtless and he leaves the infirmary. Alpha is like "DAMN IT, WILL SOMEONE PUT THOSE REDS ON A LEASH."

Treacheron is all "end of the Rangers" and then Leo shows up. The others are all "Yeah, we knew you would get here!" except they're the ones who told him to stay in the hospital in the first place. Kendrix shows some concern, but he insists he's fine.

They summon the fish, and I swear the music sounds like Return to Oz. Treacheron is all "I will destroy them all, starting with the red" Treacheron keeps going on about his honor, and there's some more fighting. I wonder what the other Rangers are doing during this. Standing around and talking? Gossiping about how great Leo looked without his shirt on? Wondering where Leo got his random fire powers from? Swapping cookie recipes? Wondering how Leo is fighting so well when he was in the hospital five minutes ago? Anyway, then Leo breaks Treacheron's sword. Treacheron goes on about how he hates decency, but the man is obsessed with honor. Leo then destroys Treacheron, and we should probably create a Dragon Death tag or something.

The Shark Brothers then grow to get their revenge and they summon the fugly zords. The Zords also get a Fish power-up. The monster is quickly destroyed.

Trakeena is practicing her fighting. I love that she's trying to better herself. For some version of better, anyway. She is determined to be a warrior, and she decides that she needs a trainer to make her rule the universe. Girl has ambition! I approve so hard.

Back on Terra Venture, Leo and Maya discuss how they think Mike and his floppy hair are still alive.

Fish: Five. Just. This season. I can't even.

(Hey Mark, please note that I did NOT end this recap with "and then they have an orgy." BUT THEY STILL COULD.)

Episode 306- Orion Returns

Today on Power Rangers, things are ominous and... fishy.

We start off in the dark of night. Night? Dark? IT'S A SPACESHIP. Maya senses... something. It's convenient psychic powers again! She gets Kendrix and then they meander down to the boys room, where they sleep on delightful bunks and I adore it. Damon is grumpy because she woke him up. It's adorable. Suddenly there is a bright flash of light! Could it be the fish? Of course it is. Oh power rangers, so predictable. See? Conveniently slightly psychic, as the script calls.

EVERYBODY sees the Fish of Orion, of course, including the bad guys. Trakeena is delightfully bitchy when other people take credit for something she JUST SAID. Scorpius goes after the Fish. The Rangers go after the Fish. Is there ANYBODY not going after the Fish at this point? Frankly, this season is so full of them, these guys could probably just cast out a little net and get plenty...

The Rangers hop on the teeny little race-car spaceships that make no sense in a world with actual physics (meanwhile, Andros is somewhere yelling STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP OMG YOU GUYS! and I don't really blame him for that) and then there is fighting with sting wingers... who apparently can breathe in space. It is terribly boring and the Fish head for Terra Venture, so of course everybody else does too. Even though the Rangers JUST came from there. They could have just hung out, slept a little longer, and been fine. But whatever. I'm sure Damon will point this out later, even if it's behind the scenes.

MD enters the scene, with intense pain in his heart and a dramatically loud heartbeat. His cape swishes dramatically in the wind. He is so wonderful.

Bad guys catch the Fish in a clay jar. There are more bad guys fighting over this. Why so many bad guys, show? This gets confusing. Trakeena has the best plan. Shapeshifters ftw!

MD has a dramatic fight. It's very dramatic. He kind of fails at it, though, but at least he loses very dramatically! The Fish get away and there is more bad guy talk, where they plan to test the lights. It's not going to go well for the poor sod who believed Scorpius wants him to test the lights. These bad guys, numerous as they are, really aren't very bright. MD is terribly upset and just oozes the drama with his lack of facial expression.

The Rangers lose a fight, far less dramatically than MD does, and they force demorph. Which is fine because this allows for unmorphed fighting with sting wingers! I heartily approve. They are determined not to let the bad guy destroy all the things, though, and he's making a valiant effort to do so. Trakeena uses this time to point out to her dad that he doesn't have the Fish yet, even though he was supposed to, and manages to get a general ousted from the ship for treason. Her plan worked brilliantly. She is clearly the smartest.

Then the Rangers morph again (sad) and fight and it's terribly boring. It's supposed to be dramatic? Except Magna Defender isn't there so it can't possibly be awesomely dramatic. They're about to lose horribly when Trakeena sends her shapeshifting monster down to stop the bad guy. She starts to take the Fish back, and then MD shows up so the scene can be appropriately dramatic. Thank goodness! He manages to destroy everybody with super dramatic monologues and dramatically swishy cape. Oh MD. This show would just be too cheesy without your awesomeness.

He goes for the Fish, but Leo stops him, insisting he has too much anger in his heart. The Fish are apparently sentient and decide the Rangers are more worthy than MD, so they choose the Rangers instead, shining over them and just handing over the power. Why the Fish didn't just go "You guys totes deserve my shiny awesome powers, here, have them" from the start, I don't know. Apparently the Fish of Orion only gave the Rangers shinier plastic swords, gold arm bands, and big claws. Whatever works.

Magna Defender dramatically pouts behind a tree and then flees to go be alone with his pain. This is the only part of this episode that makes ANY sense whatsoever.

5 fish. Because... yeah. I still can't tell you what the heck this episode was about.

Episode 300 - Double Duty

Happy 300th episode! We come back to you after a long delay (real life once again rears its ugly head) and I wasn't able to recap until now. But now we are back, and we are recapping episode 300, which is about Kendrix!

.... Oh no, it's this episode.

Kendrix and Kai are sparring, and it is SUPER GREAT and she beats him. I love that they're training and they work on it. Kendrix is very proud that she beat him, and Kai is all "I have things to do today" and Kendrix is like "and you're tired of hitting the mat" which is also true. I love that he admits it.

So then we find out that Kendrix seems to have a(n evil) twin who is a movie star. Carolyn. She is all bitchy and self centered and blows off her responsibilities to go shopping. Um... quick question. Why is there a movie star on Terra Venture? I'm going to assume it's partially because of what missmollyetc said in the comments of an earlier recap, about wanting something familiar, but... really? I mean, yes, entertainment is necessary for a long trip, but you would think that a prima donna would not be on the list.

Scorpius is yelling at Furio again. Apparently they think the lights are hidden in a camera? Sure. That makes just as much sense as anything else.

Back on Terra Venture, they're doing photography of Carolyn, who is being incredibly whiny. Look, I can buy the movies being necessary, but photoshoots? This is really the best use of Terra Venture resources?

The Wise Wizard shows up to inspect the camera, but the Rangers show up, and Kendrix falls down and is shot in the leg or something. Carolyn fakes being injured so she can relax and have some time off. Carolyn's agent is all "hey, you can double for Carolyn until her ankle is better."

Kendrix agrees to help out, because it's not like she doesn't have other responsibilities on the ship, and as a Ranger, and also, she doesn't act. Carolyn continues to be a giant pain in the ass and whine and go shopping and bitch about fans.

Kendrix does a scene and ends up screwing up a lot of things. Which, as mentioned, she is not an actress. Why is Carolyn even willing to share the credit with her? I mean, is Carolyn going to give her co-star role in the movie? Nothing about this makes sense.

Kendrix's leg is still really bothering her, and Carolyn feels guilty, and she tells Kendrix to quit. Kendrix is all "Nope, I don't care that I'm injured, I'm going to do this because I promised." And like, while that is partially a moral I can get behind? If you are injured or sick you are allowed to rest. (Yes, yes, I am aware of the actress's real life health issues, which just make the moral of this episode even more ridiculous.)

They do take after take of Kendrix climbing up a hill, and nobody seems to notice that she's hurt. They are all morons. But Kendrix is determined and won't give up. So she very dramatically slow mo climbs up the hill, even though she is holding her leg in pain, and Carolyn is whispering for her to just quit. But she does the shot and everyone tells her she's wonderful, and Carolyn the bitchy actress is learning her lesson, or something.

Look, the moral of keeping a promise is important, but INJURING YOURSELF OVER THIS? REALLY? NO. When it is physically or emotionally damaging? Or hurting yourself or someone else? You don't keep that promise then.

So then a monster attacks, and Kendrix attacks it. Carolyn also comes to help and the two stand together. The rest of the Rangers finally show up to help, and Kendrix runs off to morph as well, even though she's still hurt.

The Rangers get trapped by kanji symbols and Kendrix comes running in. She totally gets to save the day, using her weapon to destroy its kanji, so she recovers and the others are freed. There's some more fighting, and Kendrix continues to take on the monster singlehandedly. Because she is GREAT. The five of them use some missile launcher things to destroy the monster, which promptly grows. They summon the fugly zords and blow up the monster by shooting a missile at it.

Back in their shared quarters, Kendrix is reading some lines, and they see Carolyn win some award. Carolyn dedicates the award to Kendrix, and really, if its for the movie that Kendrix did half the acting in, she should be GETTING the award.

Fish: 5, just because of the rage inducing moral. Hard work is good, keeping promises is good, hurting yourself to do so is NOT.

Fic we want: So, Kendrix likes to roleplay?