Episode 353 - Strength of the Sun

Long time no recap. Sorry?

So Queen bansheera is all "you have failed me for the last time" to Diabolico and "I will take away your star power." Diabolico is all "worst kid, I should kill him." Then all the other monsters show up before he can. Diabolico is all "just destroy them."

Villains, I wish you were more interesting. Can we get to Ryan being emo and taking off his shirt or something?

Back at the Aquabase, Ms. Fairweather is designing something new. But there is a problem, by the name with Ryan. The new toy is useless without him. Ryan overhears, and he has a sad. Sadly, the sad doesn't include him removing his shirt.

In the cafeteria, Joel and Chad don't get why Ryan isn't allowed to morph, because the monsters are still out there. UM, MAYBE BECAUSE HE WILL DIE? A monster alert goes off, and Ryan gives everyone the saddest look, because he is a puppy, and then they leave without him. Ryan, break the curse first, THEN morph.

Anyway, the Rangers fight the monsters and the monsters are winning. I guess some of the effects are cool? I am just not emotionally invested in the fight. Dana then suggests splitting them up, so she and Kelsey lead off one of the monster/demon things. Dana then announces there's a part 2 to the plan. The monster calls them "my little pretties" and then Kelsey and Dana shoot him. (We really need more of the girls bonding!)

Back at the base, Ryan is having a sad as he watches the other guys lose. Luckily, the girls have come to the rescue. The Rangers summon weapons, but no use, and they all collapse. The monster gives an incredibly lame pun, and the monster that the girls knocked out gets up again.

Supposedly though, this is part of Carter's plan, although I have no idea when they PLANNED this plan. The monster gets close to them, and they shoot him at point blank range. (Not a bad plan!)

Diabolico makes the destroyed monster grow, and Carter summons the toys. We get the LONG zord summoning sequence. I guess the episode ran a little short? Look, if you needed to kill time, there's plenty more shots of Ryan having a sad that you could have used.

Diabolico makes the second monster grow as well. Ms. Fairweather is all "we're fucked" and Captain Mitchell starts yelling about putting all the reserves. Ryan stares at his morpher, thinks about the cobra, and then leaves to activate the new zord, and he morphs. He's going to risk himself. ♥

I'm not really sure where he got the tech skills to activate the zord. Captain Mitchell tries to order his son back, but Ryan is all "they need my help." Nobody can really argue with that. Ryan to the rescue!

Ryan has to energize the solar panels so he has to change course and head to the sun, and the tattoo on his back starts to climb again. He goes into space, fully energizes, and the his zord jumps on the Rangers back. Ms. Fairweather gives a quick explanation, while everyone is busy being super concerned for Ryan instead.

Ryan does a lot of impressive stunts and destroys a monster, but the second one hits him, and he has to fight through the pain of the cobra climbing him to take out the other one.

Everyone congratulates Ryan, but he's passed out in his cockpit from the pain. We then cut to him shirtless in the infirmary. All he has to say is that the zord is totally awesome. Then he asks Dana if their dad will be mad. As soon as Dana sees their dad coming, she's all "BYE."

Captain Awesome tells Ryan that he's proud of him, and he would have done the same thing. Ryan then rolls over, and we see how high the tattoo has climbed. It's not good. The next time he morphs will probably be the one that kills him.

Meanwhile, Diabolico is all "what, you're not sick of these monsters yet? I'm totally going to bring them back again."

Fish: 2. How do you make an episode about Ryan angst this dull?

Episode 352 - Curse of the Cobra

Let's get down to business! To recap the show!

Previously, Ryan has angst! \o/ So, true story. When I was a teenager, I used to babysit every Saturday night. And being the worst babysitter ever, I would basically plop the kids in front of the TV, and watch something from their (fairly awesome) video collection.

Anyway, they had these two episodes, and we watched them a lot. (They were the only episodes of LR I'd seen, actually, since the Lost Galaxy airing schedule had gotten me out of PR for a while.)

Anyway! Let's talk about the possessed by an evil snake tattoo that's going to slither up his body and necessitate a lot of shirtless scenes. Show, how are you so great? (Why couldn't the whole season be about that?) (And I don't even HAVE a tattoo kink, but the hurt/comfort and the angst and the issues and this was tailor made for me, seriously.)

(My flail at the end of the last episode when he got the evil snake tattoo? Yeah, I love these episodes. A LOT.)

Anyway! We start with the villains gossiping and recapping previous events. Then Diabolico gives the monsters a new toy.

Back on the Aquabase, Captain Awesome is explaining to Ryan how great Ms. Fairweather is. And then he's all "there is actual training!" I appreciate that the team actually has to work on this whole being a Ranger thing. Captain Awesome tells Ryan how proud he is of him, and Ryan is all "yay!" but then as soon as his dad leaves he strips off his shirt and stares at the tattoo. Oh, Ryan. You need all the hugs. Don't worry, Carter will volunteer soon!

We get a flashback to Diabolico disintegrating Ryan's shirt and pushing him up against a pillar and giving him the cursed tattoo (yesssss) and then Carter spies on shirtless Ryan because he loves him. Carter is speechless at the sight of Ryan's body tattoo, but then instead of going to train, a monster attacks.

The team grabs their jackets and head out and morph. There's a fight and some cool gymnastics and then Ryan is in pain as the tattoo begins to slither up his body, and he falls off a building, writhing on the ground in agony, and seriously, best episode. Carter rushes to his side, but Ryan insists he's fine, but Carter can actually see the tattoo moving, even through his suit. Then the monsters use the new toy to make a copy of the villain.

... For a second I wasn't sure if I was writing hurt/comfort fic or recapping the episode. I love when that happens.

Anyway, fight happens, and then Carter shoots from the hip, which is pretty cool, and then some toys are brought out. The Rangers get knocked down, but they get up again, and then Ryan falls to his knees.

Carter realizes that if they hurt demonite, they hurt his clone also, and then Carter announces that he has a plan. Ryan forcibly demorphs and clutches at his back, while the monster mocks him.

The other Rangers keep running around and play hide and seek among the containers with the monster, and we see that they're on the roof of them.  The monsters realize this, and shoot at them, but it was a trick so that Carter can threaten the monster. The monster is all "at this distance, you'll blow yourself up, too." Then we flash to Ryan's agonized face, and then Carter decides not to blow up the monster? This makes no sense at all. Their whole purpose is to blow up monsters. Anyway, the monster is all "well, if you won't destroy me, I'll destroy you" and then Carter shoots him and blows him up anyway. So.... what was the point of that?

Everyone assumes that Carter is dead, and then Joel is all "look, he's fine!" He does have Red Ranger immunity, anyway. There are some hugs, and Dana holds the collapsing Carter.

Diabolico makes the destroyed Demonite  monster grow, and the zords are summoned. Could we go back to Ryan, please? Anyway, then they call the other zords. They blow up the monster. I do love that the Super Train Megazord is SO MUCH TALLER than the monster. Then they blow it up.

Diabolico is very upset that Demonite has been destroyed, but the other two villains are all "it's cool, we'll handle it."

Meanwhile, shirtless!Ryan is staring at his back in the mirror again, and Carter has come to see him. Carter is all "Ryan, I stared at your naked back." Ryan tells Carter its a going away present from Diabolico, and when Carter pushes, Ryan tells him the truth as long as he promises not to tell anyone. He doesn't want to be grounded, because being a Ranger is important to him.

Of course, it turns out that his dad is listening outside. he tells Ryan that until something is figured out, Ryan isn't to morph. His dad points out that he lost him once, and he can't lose him again.

BEST EPISODE. I mean, except for the part that makes no sense. STILL. BEST EPISODE.

Fish: 2! Okay, it probably deserves more than that, but we were pretty distracted and didn't care that much.

Episode 332 - Dream Battle

We are back! TSB will be providing a Morphicon report when she recovers enough to do so. As for me, I spent last weekend working and attempting to not think about all the fun I was missing, so I have nothing to report. But we're back! And today's episode is... special. The city is evacuating. And we're trying to figure out HOW they are evacuating because this is a SPACE SHIP. You cannot just evacuate a space ship. That's not how it works. But I can temporarily forgive that because it gives Damon an excuse to be awesome and fix a random girl's car in two seconds flat. Because he is Damon and he is the BEST. Later, he's in his room (during an evacuation? I am confused) when a ginger kid delivers him flowers. He takes a good whiff, because they are from the girls (or are they?) and he's thoughtful like that, but then he falls under a spell and falls asleep. Magic flowers! Sleeping spell! Damon has restless sleep with some bad dreams, but he doesn't wake up. Because the Monster of the Week is controlling this dream state. He does eventually startle awake and Leo tries to reassure him, with no luck, and then he falls asleep again. Then Kai gets a whiff of the flowers, and does not appreciate them, but then he falls asleep too. AND LEO DOES NOT CATCH ON. Seriously Leo? Grow a brain. You're pretty and all, but really, this is ridiculously obvious. Leo finds Alpha and it turns out Damon's jet is damaged, just like in his dream. Leo finally puts the pieces together, sort of. He realizes the dreams are real and tries to wake up his boyfriends with no luck. Unfortunately, he didn't think to warn Karone and Maya because they had flowers delivered to them as well, sniff them, and both end up in the dream world. But not before laughing off that the flowers are "just from the guys" and then saying they won't turn down flowers. Oh girls. I love you. Leo is left alone now, because everybody else is asleep. Did he try to kiss them? That might have worked... Alas, we don't get that. Instead we get Leo being stupid and sniffing the flowers. THE SAME FLOWERS THAT KNOCKED OUT EVERYBODY ELSE. YOU DO NOT SNIFF SOMETHING THAT PUT EVERYBODY ELSE TO SLEEP. Luckily he calls Mike and they start to figure things out. But not before Mike smells them too and then everybody starts to fall asleep. AND ONLY THEN DOES LEO REALIZE IT'S THE FLOWERS. Good lord people. Have you never read a fairy tale? In the not-really-a-dream dreamworld, the other rangers are fighting and fighting hard. They're losing. But in this world, if they lose, they don't wake up in real life either. Ginger delivery boy tries to deliver flowers to Mike, who smartly tells him to throw them away. Meanwhile Leo passes out. And then there is fighting IN THE SNOW! I approve. Because I like snow. How there is snow on a space ship, we're not sure, but considering there is also rain, mountains, an ocean, and earthquakes? Well, snow isn't too far fetched. Mike is currently the only one awake. He manages to stay awake by just walking around. I'm still wondering what happened to that important evacuation from earlier. It's like they just forgot about it. But then, the footage splicing is terrible this episode, so I guess a forgotten evacuation isn't much to complain about. Mike eventually stumbles to where the flower shop was supposed to be but it's not there. He gets zapped to the room with the monster of the week, who is using a crystal ball to control the dreams. I really think Crystal of Nightmares handled this MUCH better. Plus it fed my little shippy heart way better than this episode has done. Mike saves the day by turning the monster's electricity back on her crystal ball and breaking it. The dream spell is broken and suddenly the rangers can call all the toys and beat the monster they were fighting. It really doesn't look like the spell is broken, but whatever. I really want them all to get kissed to wake up. That would make this episode way more enjoyable. And hey, if we could have Jason and Zack kiss in the first season of MMPR, interracial and same gender, in 1993, surely they could have managed to have a few kisses here, in 1999. But no. They beat the monster, the spell is over, and they all wake up on their own. Alas, this is not the Sleeping Beauty story I had hoped for. Meanwhile, the girl Damon helped out earlier stops by to bring him flowers. He reacts by throwing them in the sink and offending her. She doesn't buy Maya's excuse that he's allergic. It is sad, but it's adorable that Maya and Karone tried to help poor traumatized Damon save face. 3 fish. It wasn't bad, it was just boring, and not the story I had hoped for.

Episode 318 - Blue to the Test

So. We took a bit of a long break there. Neither of us were in a terribly good place and something had to fall, so this community was it. But we're doing (mostly) better now and so we're back! We thank those of you who stuck with us through this and we hope to maintain a more regular schedule again. So we're back on the space colony. Kai is working diligently, plotting courses and making plans and just being a badass. The commander is trying to get Kai to think for himself, to teach him and help him grow as a person, so he gets Kai to admit that changing course now would be more beneficial than waiting. He'd adorably overcautious and I applaud his forethought. Kai is so smart. Meanwhile, Trakeena can't understand her own science nerd, but she listens to him anyway. She's going to plot to get the Rangers to burn up in a star. She's cool like that. We get to see the Commander's daughter again (yay continuity! Although the actress looks like my sister-in-law so it's a little weird at the same time) and she's drawing a picture of her father. It's cute and sweet and he is appropriately impressed. And then there's a monster attack! Because Tiny Children must be put in sort-of danger in this show. The Commander hides his daughter and rushes out to start getting people out of the way. He gets shot with an arrow and won't wake up while his Tiny Child cries for him and awwww my heart just cracked a little there. The rangers rush in to help and Tiny Child still cries for her Daddy and completely ignores them. Because she's a good little girl. Her father wakes up but is clearly not himself. Instead of suggesting he go to the med bay to get checked out, they just walk away. He throws his little girl off and then steps on the picture she drew. She is very sad. Poor Tiny Child. Back at the Command Center, Kai is ordered to shut down engines "to conserve power" and he starts to argue, but the Commander tells him not to think and to just follow orders. Kai shuts down the engines but he clearly knows something is wrong, to the point that he burns dinner later (and tries really hard not to say "shit" and says "shoot" instead). Leo asks if something is bothering him, he admits there is, and Damon is all "Well worry about it later. I need to eat, bro." Mostly we just want an entire show of Cooking with the Rangers. Back at the Command Center, Kai is told to plot in a course that will send them straight into the star. The Commander plays it off as gravity giving them speed and Kai stands up to him. He knows his science and actually refuses a direct order, because it will save the ship and everybody aboard. He is then suspended from duty. And some random guy changes the course that Kai wouldn't change. Why does nobody else stop and say "Hey wait, let's just check his math, mkay?" Seriously people, trust your Blue Rangers. They are (usually) the smartest. Kai FINALLY figures out that the Commander is probably possessed and decides to follow him around. TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH, GUYS. Seriously. Kai sees him talking to a monster and just confronts them without calling for backup or anything. Kai is a terrible spy. But we get an unmorphed fight and it's great! Mind, Leo and the others have to step in to save his ass, but that's okay. Kai runs off to stop the Commander and the others stall the monster for him. Kai stands up to him and it's GREAT, though he really ought to explain plans to his team first. I suppose he didn't really have time this time? Still, would be a good lesson to learn. Kai has an awesome unmorphed fight with the Commander and I would approve of nearly an entire episode like this. Kai is such a badass. Mind, the Commander is kicking his ass, so we have to wonder if he got enhanced skills due to the spell? Or maybe he's just that good with his military training. The rangers all get together to fight the monster and they call out all the toys and it's kind of boring. But there is archery, which is cool. Even if it's plastic and fake. They win. Of course. We'd expect nothing less. Big fight over, Kai and Mike rush to check on the Commander. Spell broken, he's himself again and can't remember a darn thing he just did. Kai gets him back to Command and they're able to stop the ship from plummeting into the red giant star. Kai takes his position back and they change course at the last minute, just breaking free of the gravitational pull. Kai is playing with Tiny Commander Spawn and she rushes to her father when he pulls up. He's sad he ruined her picture so asks her to draw him another one. Then he gives Kai a present! Because Kai saved the day and was willing to disobey orders to do it. So he gets a new uniform and put in charge while the Commander takes the day off. Hahaha, not so sure how that's a present, but he seems proud and happy, so it's all good. Everybody waits for his command and then applauds him and he still gets to be in command, because he is AMAZING. 3.5 fish. Not too bad, but really it shouldn't have taken them THAT long to figure out something was wrong. And somebody, somewhere, should have changed course before the ship got that close to the star, especially after the Commander left.

Episode 304- Silent Sleep

Today on Power Rangers, there are horses! And then more dramatic cape swishing. I approve!

So Maya likes to tend to the horses. I like her. I like horses. She needs help and Damon volunteers Leo, but then Leo backs out so Damon runs away too. Maya is clearly brilliant because she accuses them of being afraid and then they help. Or Leo helps. He's a "cowboy". Although I take offense to that. Not everybody who rides a horse is a cowboy. There are entire disciplines that are older than cowboys and western. Ahem.

Anyway! So Leo is Very Bad at this and falls off. Keep your heels down, son, and grip with your calves, you'll stay on. Unfortunately, in the fall, Mike's dogtags fall off and Leo has a minor heart attack. Damon would have teased him, except he's totally scared of Maya. I love that everybody is afraid of Maya. Because she is awesome.

Later that night, the Chillyfish (who looks more like a mushroom with fringe) shows up on top of a building. He puts everybody to sleep by freezing them... except the animals (but but but... science and all). And the Rangers of course. They somehow managed to stay un-frozen. There is a boring fight and the Chillyfish runs away. Not before blasting Kai, Maya, Damon, and Kendrix... who remain sort of awake but very cold. Leo does what he can with blankets and stuff, but seriously? The best cure would be to strip everybody naked and get really close and personal under a heavy blanket. This should totally have happened.

Except on screen all we get is frozen electronic equipment. Nothing has power, for some reason, not even the motorcycles. It makes no sense but does leave for a defenseless spaceship. Trakeena is going to take advantage of this and flirts with a baddie general so she can get off her daddy's bug ship and go after the Fish of Orion. She is clearly the best.

Back on Terra Venture, it is morning! Because somehow there is SUN on a SPACESHIP even without POWER. Did this season just forget they're on a spaceship or something? Leo finds monsters and there is a fight and then general guy sends Trakeena back to the ship. She is clearly not happy about this and he'll pay for that later. Leo does some more fighty stuff and it's super boring.

But then! Then it's sunshine and rainbows and kittnes! Because it's all dramatic, guys! Because Leo realizes somebody else is unfrozen. It's the Super Dramatic Magna Defender! He is fiddling with the Fish, with his super swishy cape, and Leo begs for his help to unfreeze the colony. Super Dramatic MD doesn't give a two shakes about the colony and they are going to fight about it, because Leo has Upstanding Moral Fiber and MD has Super Depressing Angst. Super Dramatic MD's cape is super swishy all the time for what appears to be no reason in this episode. IT IS DELIGHTFUL. Now, we just need that water fountain...

Super Dramatic MD is willing to kill Leo to keep him from getting the lights, but he accidentally shoots the Fish instead and then flies off after them in a swishy dramatic fashion, with dramatic smoke and music. Because he's Super Dramatic.

Leo, after communing with a Tiny Bunny, realizes the animals are unaffected (BUT HUMANS ARE ANIMALS TOO, SO WTF?) and goes to the horse paddock. He talks very calmly to the dapper bay that threw him earlier, manages to come to an understanding, and gets a bridle on him. He eve does it properly! Good job, Leo. The horse isn't too happy to have Leo on his back, but he must realize the importance of the situation because he quickly adjusts and takes Leo off to wherever he needs to go... jumping the fence in the process, and Leo has really bad jumping posture. He rides to Chillyfish and there is SWORDFIGHTING ON HORSEBACK. SWORDFIGHTING. ON HORSEBACK. BE STILL MY BEATING HEART! This is my favourite thing ever.

Then there is boring not-on-horseback fighting and I don't care so much about it, except Leo totally hurts him, but then Super Dramatic MD with his Dramatically Swishy Cape saves the day by stabbing the hell out of Chillyfish amid Dramatic Music and Smoke. Chillyfish dies and then grows and then we get the Torozord and I REFUSE TO ASK WHERE THE HECK THIS THING CAME FROM BECAUSE ALLLLLLL THE FISH. Super Dramatic Magna Defender wins and then everybody just magically wakes up, body temperatures restored to normal, with no ill effects. Oh show.

Leo confronts Super Dramatic MD. His cape is so delightfully swishy. Dramatic Capes make everything better. They have a heart-to-heart and Leo believes in him even if he doesn't believe in himself and he walks away all slow motion and dramatic and OH I LOVE THIS GUY.

4 fish. It just... yeah. Even dramatic capes and swordfighting on horseback couldn't really save this one.

Fic we want: "The best cure would be to strip everybody naked and get really close and personal under a heavy blanket. This should totally have happened." - We demand that fic, like, yesterday.

Episode 280 - Dark Specter's Revenge - Part 2

WE LIVE. I handed in my thesis, so now we will have the time of GREAT PANIC while I wait on results.

So we continue with the Megazords trying to push an asteroid out of the way while people on Earth panic. Just as it's entering Earth's atmosphere Zhane shows up with another Zord and somehow that is enough to get it out of the atmosphere without the asteroid breaking up at all (wtf is this thing made of, anyway?) and they push it back into space and whatever, I am not going to argue with the science, but I wonder what the Bad Astronomer would have to say about that.

Zhane gets all the hugs, and he tells them that the rebels built the ship. The Rangers fill Zhane in on the whole Astronema = Karone thing, and Zhane is all "I knew there was something good about her!" and offers to go with Andros to find her, saying he has an interest in Karone as well. You can clearly see the "oh shit, I've got a thing for my boyfriend's sister" on Zhane's face, and also Andros is concerned when Zhane says he has an interest.

Zhane and Andros follow a solitary tie fighter to a space station, and Andros and Zhane continue the "you went on a date with my sister!" "JUST ONE DATE?" thing and AHAHAH awesome, but boys, this is SO NOT THE TIME to figure out your poly relationships.

So the boys steal some Quantrons uniforms, and they're a little short to be storm troopers, and really, show, you're making this too easy.

They find Astronema and take off the helmet, only to find that she's been all Borgified, and she calls Ecliptor to attack them. There's a pretty great fight, and there's no way they're going to win and escape with Astronema, so they end up retreating, leaving her in her brainwashed and Borgified state.

This is pretty epic, seriously.

They end up stealing some velocifighters to escape, and they make it back to the Megaship, and Andros has the biggest sad.

Meanwhile, Bulk, Skull and the Professor had some hijinks where they thought they made it to another planet, but nope, still on Earth. Oh, and then they get attacked by a monster. Luckily, there are Power Rangers to the rescue. Including Zhane in his new toy.

Hey, points for a very bondagey fight.

And then the Rangers give Bulk, Skull, and the Professor a ride on their galaxy gliders. ADORABLE.

Meanwhile, the Borg Princess kicks Darkonda out. And Andros, and Zhane are trying to figure out how to fix Astronema. DUN DUN DUN.

Fish: 2! The science is a little screwy, but EPIC IS EPIC.

Episode 269 - Invasion of the Body Switcher

And we're back! Look, real life sucks (see both grad school and computer issues) but it is RECAP TIME. And we have some amazing episodes to recap.

Or at least I remember them being amazing. The last time I watched them. LIVE UP TO MY EXPECTATIONS, SHOW.

We open with Ashley's birthday. TJ tries to steal some of her cake, and Carlos asks her what she wished for, clearly hoping she's wishing for him. Cassie, meanwhile, is assuming Ashley is wishing for Andros. Of course, since Carlos gave her a fire extinguisher.... um. I can think of a few things they could do with that. Yeah.

Andros tells Ashley that they don't celebrate birthdays on KO-35 but he got her a necklace anyway. WAY TO UPSTAGE CARLOS'S POSSIBLY KINKY GIFT, ANDROS. Cassie is clearly jealous that Andros is going overboard with the gift.

Dark Spectre is yelling at Astronema for failing, so she summons a body switcher to make her into a Ranger, and he turns her into Ashley. EVIL ASHLEY IS SO GREAT, YOU GUYS. (Tracy Lynn Cruz said at Morphicon that this is her favorite episode. I am not surprised.)

Ashley and Cassie are debating over whether or not Andros likes her, and Cassie is doing the supportive best friend thing, until she TOTALLY FAILS to notice that Ashley was just kidnapped right there. Ashley tries to escape, but Astronema/Ashley summons some Pirahnatrons to fake!attack her while real!Ashley is dragged off, and wow, we were getting pretty close to some panty shots there.

Astronema!Ashley fake fighting the Pirahnatrons is AMAZING, by the way. She's so annoyed when one of them actually hurts her! Astronema!Ashley then decides they should go back to the Megaship, where DECA helpfully tells her where the engine is, so Astronema!Ashley blows her up.

Cassie asks Astronema!Ashley for some help but Astronema!Ashley is bad at things. She's about to blast Cassie when they cut away.

Astronema!Ashley then has sex with Carlos adds more weight to Carlos's weightlifting and then blasts him, and then they have more sex.

Meanwhile, real!Ashley convinces the monster to turn her into Astronema. Ashley!Astronema convinces Elgar that she's the real Astronema and he lets her go. BECAUSE SHE IS GREAT.

Astronema!Ashley runs into Alpha who is giving her a birthday present, just because they're friends, and she is so confused. It's a tiny little figurine that plays music, and Alpha could clearly turn Astronema good. Astronema!Ashley is so confused and needs SO MANY HUGS. And then she dumps the figure in the trash. :(

TJ and Andros are getting worried about the surveillance issue so TJ goes looking for everyone while Astronema!Ashley is dragging Carlos' unconscious form around the ship. Then she beats them both up. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS GLORIOUS.

Anyway, TJ, Carlos and Cassie are all tied up and Astronema!Ashley nearly zaps Andros but he turns around. Instead she convinces him that there's a battle down on earth and she ends up falling on her face. She's about to shoot him in the back where Ashley!Astronema shows up but Astronema!Ashley convinces Andros that it's a trap and they both attack Ashley!Astronema.

Andros, you are not very good at figuring out when your friends are evil. Meanwhile, Alpha is saving the day by untying the other Rangers.

Ashley!Astronema convinces Andros of the truth by asking Astronema!Ashley what Andros got her for her birthday. When she can't answer, Ashley!Astronema tells the truth causing Andros to believe her. Astronema!Ashley demorphs and turns back into regular!Astronema, and the two Astronemas fight each other. The Rangers (including the freed ones) try to figure out which one is the real Ashley, so they ask her to do the Morph call. Only the real!Ashley knows it, which makes me wonder if Astronema just doesn't pay any attention to their fights.

Astronema says she wouldn't want to be a Power Ranger anyway. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. UM.

Elgar tries to attack the real!Astronema and for some reason she doesn't kill him. Instead she makes the monster grow and there's a fight scene. It is luckily a very brief fight scene because so much of this episode was taken over by AWESOME. (Seriously, phallic toys, sword, missile, destruction.)

Astronema says the monster was useless anyway, and then she blasts Elgar. Yay!

Back on the Megaship, Ashley is scared to take her helmet off because she's afraid of what she'll look like. But she's Ashley again! Everyone is happy. Cassie exposits that when the monster was destroyed it switched her back. Ashley tries to thank Andros, but he has wandered off somewhere to have the saddest sad that was ever sad. Because there is someone FROZEN in a tube.

DUN DUN DUN.

QR: WELL HELLO THERE MYSTERIOUS FROZEN MAN! Complete with penis.

Fish: ONE. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS GLORIOUS. WAY TO LIVE UP TO MY EXPECTATIONS, SHOW.

Fic we want: Seriously, what was Astronema!Ashley doing with the Rangers when she had them tied up? And what exactly did she do while she was in Ashley's body?

Episode 254- Shell Shock

It's the Ninja Turtle episode. Even Emo Kid was confused by this episode, spending most of it asking "But WHY are the Ninja Turtles on Power Rangers?".

Somehow the Turtles know about Astronema being the Princess of Evil. Raphael insists the Power Rangers are just comic book characters. Astronema decides they're going to work for her and puts them under a spell. THIS IS JUST NOT RIGHT.

But I do still love this theme song. *is a dork*

Andros explains the galaxy gliders, but the lesson gets turned into a crash course when they have to ride them down to Earth because Astronema is going after the power plant. For having never ridden the gliders before, the Earth rangers are astonishingly adept.

They confront the monster, but the turtles show up first and I kind of love that Ashley is the first one to point out who they are? But the rest of the fight is just... weird. WHY ARE THE TURTLES HERE? I JUST DON'T GET IT. Are they from an alternate dimension? Because I can't figure out how this works.

Andros is suspicious. He's not entirely sure about giving a lift to talking mutated turtles. The others don't care and drag them up to the ship against his wishes. They give the turtles the complete tour, with full answers to classified information and everything. Somehow nobody but Andros picks up on the fact that they are asking A LOT of questions about the MegaShip. Deka detects a hacker and Andros rushes to her rescue, but he's too late. Wires are snipped and the turtles turn her to their side. Somehow. By snipping some wires. Or something. Whatever... this is the least of the fishy bits in the episode.

Astronema teleports in and takes control. The rangers are all confused because their new pizza loving friends have turned on them. Astronema ties up the rangers in glowy ropes of doom and Andros has to use his super awesome telekinetic powers to get some bolt cutters over to snip those ropes of doom. They hijack the shuttle in order to get free and the turtles give hot pursuit. Somehow they hide the shuttle in a reverse polarized magnetic field out in space. SOMEHOW. I DON'T KNOW HOW. THE SCIENCE HERE IS... NOT. I STILL DON'T GET THIS EPISODE. WTF IS EVEN GOING ON?!?!?!

Amazingly the magnetic field broke the spell on the turtles. They are good turtles now who try to stop Astronema and then have to fix the ship so it doesn't self destruct. They manage to do this simply by reconnecting the two wires they snipped in the first place which somehow aborts the self destruct sequence immediately without any further input. THIS REALLY SHOULD NOT WORK. I HATE THIS EPISODE.

So then they team up and fight and it's boring and stupid and makes no sense. The rangers take the turtles back to New York. How this works I do not know. Someone(s) had to be higher than a kite when they conceived this plot, wrote this episode, and then filmed and edited it. THERE IS NO OTHER EXPLANATION I WILL ACCEPT.

5 fish. All the fish of the season.

Side note: Why oh why does the female turtle have BREASTS on her plastron (bottom of the shell)? She's a reptile. Not a mammal. This bothers me maybe more than it should.

And special guest viewer Emo Kid has requested twice that we watch a different episode. BECAUSE THIS IS JUST THAT BAD. SPD time now. Because I need something good after THAT mess.

Episode 245 - Carlos and the Count

Still not watching on netflix. Still SUPER PISSED OFF about that.

However, in this episode we have VAMPIRES.

Seriously, I love vampires. Except of the sparklepire variety. And seriously, this is a MUCH better vampires in high school story than that is.

So Bulk and Skull have a scary movie festival. There are going to be a lot of vampire movies. This is one of Bulk and Skull's better jobs, actually! And super fun!.

Elgar actually has a fairly good suggestion, when Divatox is complaining about how much she hates Vampires. Instead, he suggests Lunar Bats, because apparently there are bats in space? Sure, why not. So Divatox sticks out her tongue and snares one, which she turns into Count Nocturne.

Seriously, Carlos and Justin are the best of friends, they are super adorable. I am in favor of Carlos being the best big brother ever, because it doesn't take over the season. As Carlos is walking home, he hears something and assumes it is Justin pranking him. SO CUTE. Except instead it's Pirahnatrons, and we get a NIGHTTIME UNMORPHED FIGHT. This is like the greatest thing ever. The screen is super dark, so it's actually hard to see what's going on. Then he's attacked by the monster and bitten, with Bulk and Skull as witnesses. They decide that they have no choice but to become vampire hunters. HOOK UP WITH BUFFY, YOU GUYS.

So vampire!Carlos is SUPER HOT. SUPER HOT. Ashley approves of his new look, because he's SUPER HOT. And then she invites him to the blood drive. He is obviously super excited about this.

Bulk and Skull come tracking Carlos, and they're trying to protect Justin, when Principal Caplan sees them, and is all "I thought you graduated. DETENTION." And they go.

Justin starts to get suspicious of Carlos when he notices the sunglasses and how badly Carlos reacted to the garlic that Skull had given him, and he begins to go research vampires. TJ and Cassie ask him why he's researching vampires, and he's all "I just am."

Ashley asks Carlos if he's ready to grab a bite, and CLEARLY HE WANTS TO BITE HER.

Cassie and TJ are all "Justin, you know there's no such thing as vampires" and of course that's when the monster shows up to attack them. Cassie's melodramatic "Vaaaaaaampires" is pretty amazing and I love it.

There's an unmorphed fight scene, which is also great, and Justin explains to TJ and Cassie that he thinks Carlos is a vampire, and they have to go protect Ashley. TJ and Cassie are SO CONFUSED.

Ashley invites Carlos to grab a bite again, because CLEARLY she wants him to bite her. And just as he's about to, Justin and the others show up and interrupt. Justin uses his knowledge of vampires to prove that Carlos is one, since he has no reflection, and Ashley is SO UPSET. She loves him. Anyway, they try to convince Carlos to go to the Power Chamber, but instead he turns into a rubber bat and flies away. BEST WORST SPECIAL EFFECTS EVER.

They figure out that Carlos is going to the blood drive, and Bulk and Skull try and fail to explain that something is going on. Ashley and TJ manage to catch Carlos and teleport him to the Power Chamber, where Alpha drugs him with a temporary antidote. He's still under the spell.

It's amazing, they remember they have a mentor. Not that I'm complaining about the lack of Dimitria, because seriously, DIMITRIA. UGH.

The Rangers all morph and go fight, and the monster tries to put Carlos back under his spell, but Carlos defies him. It's like everything I love.

Anyway, the monster grows, and they have to use all the toys for some reason, and Carlos briefly struggles with how it wants to put him back under the spell, and then they blow it up. They make a big deal about combining the two Megazords, but whatever, it was still a fairly dull fight. And it went on FOREVER.

Elgar gets thrown into space, and somehow he survives. That is not fair.

The Rangers are all excited for the monster movies, and Bulk and Skull have switched to werewolf movies. They are traumatized when they think the delivery guy is a werewolf. They are the CUTEST.

Fish: 2. THIS EPISODE WAS AWESOME.

Fic we want: VAMPIRE!CARLOS. Bulk and Skull: VAMPIRE HUNTERS.

Episode 241 - The Song of Confusion

Oh man, I have such clear memories of this episode. Or rather, I have such clear memories of having the stupid song stuck in my head for DAYS.

So clearly Cassie and Tanya need to go on tour together.

Anyway, we open with Cassie and some other girl doing an acoustic guitar show, and they're not half bad. Cassie suggests that they start a band, and Lt. Stone offers up the Juice Bar for their auditions. Divatox is all "And I will write them a song" and then she pulls out a guitar, and clearly this episode is going to be ridiculous.

I am not complaining.

Cassie and random blonde friend hold their auditions, and we get the "hilarity" of an accordion, bagpipes, bongos, a banjo, cymbals, and other random instruments that generally don't fit in a rock band. Then Bulk and Skull audition, and Skull is wearing all the eyeliner. (And um, Skull plays piano, did they forget already? He could totally play keyboards in their band.) Then a whole band shows up already - Crash and the Creeps. They start playing that freaking song and Cassie fails to ask the obvious question of "if they already have a band, why are they auditioning for hers?"

Random friend is all "I'll drop out and just write the songs so that you can join." This makes no sense, since it was her band.

TJ asks Cassie how it's working, and she tells him that she's performing that night, and he promises to be there. They play that stupid earworm again, and Cassie's friend is sad because they didn't play any of her songs, and Crash says they're not going to. She's super upset about it, but hey, she's the one who DROPPED OUT.

Carlos and Justin are being giant dorks, and it's adorable. They head out of the youth center, and run into some Pirahnatrons, and when that music starts playing AGAIN they can't stop singing it. Gee, I wonder if there's a spell or something in the song. It's a magic earworm.

TJ and the others are starting to get super sick of the song, when they get summoned to fight 5 monsters.

Crash tells Cassie that random friend is out. Crash and the Creeps will be broadcasting live from Angel Grove Lake, where their sound will take over the world.

The Rangers show up to the soundcheck and they realize that oh, Cassie's band is actually Divatox's band. They start playing that freaking song again and this time it causes the Rangers a lot of pain. I totally understand, I've had a lot of really ridiculous songs stuck in my head. They realize that if they destroy the instruments they'll stop the song. Fight scene. I guess the band is this season's version of evil Rangers? Since they match up colorwise?

Anyway, the monsters grow, they summon Zords, and it ends pretty quickly.

None of the Rangers can remember the song, and they're happy about it. If only all earworms were disposed of that quickly. Cassie apologizes to random friend and all is forgiven. Then Bulk and Skull show up with tubas.

Fish: 5. EARWORM.

Fic we want: So Skull plays keyboard in a band that consists of him, Cassie, Tanya and Kira.

Episode 237 - The Gardner of Evil

Previously - Elgar got hair, Blue Senturian is evil, and Justin has angst.

Bulk and Skull are playing pinball, and apparently the wishing coin broke the machine. Lt Stone got them a job working at a nursery. Sadly, it isn't a *baby* nursery, but is a plant nursery.

Divatox has a new monster, who is a plant head. This monster has the ability to use vines to turn people into Divatox's slaves (DIVADRONES, THAT IS AMAZING), and they're all dressed up as bees. Man, the therapy bill for people in Angel Grove has to be super high.

Apparently the only way to turn Blue Senturian back to normal is by using the third coin. The Rangers see BS and the monster, and its time for a fight scene.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are shoveling manure. That explains a lot about this episode.

The divadrones are bringing coins to Divatox. Meanwhile, Carlos and Justin run into Lt Stone, who mocks Bulk and Skull. Lt. Stone lets them know that Bulk and Skull have a coin, and just as Bulk and Skull are about to spend it, they get attacked by divadrones and the monster.

Bulk and Skull refuse to turn over the coin to evil, because they are AWESOME. The Rangers all morph and show up to help out Bulk and Skull and fight the monster. Everyone is searching for Bulk and Skull, both villains and Rangers. The vine tentacles cover the cars, and giant beedrills attack the cars too. The Rangers try and protect the cars from the bees (and like, really? The bees are going to do what to the car?) and there's ANOTHER fight scene.

Bulk and Skull figure out that the coin is a wishing coin, and try to make a wish on it, but there's more fighting and they get interrupted. Bulk and Skull hand the coin over to Justin, even though they're sad that they could have had anything. Justin is all sad that he has to do the right thing too, and he wishes for Blue Senturian to be good again. JUSTIN. THINK BIGGER. Why not wish for intergalactic peace or something? Or for Earth to be safe from monsters? REALLY?

The fight scene continues. The giant beedrill is actually terrifying, so points for that.

There are way too many fights in this episode.

Everyone gets turned back to normal, and Justin still has a sad. Carlos tries to make him feel better and tells him never to throw his wishes away, and that he shouldn't give up. Awww, Carlos. Best big brother ever.

And then Justin's dad shows up to visit. HIS DAD IS SUCH AN ASS. But his dad has come back to Angel Grove to stay! Well, why didn't you take Justin with you on your last job? (This is about the point where we started throwing out theories about his dad being in rehab or having lost custody or something.)

Fish: 3. It was just dull. Again. Also, why didn't Justin use a better wish??

Episode 236- Beware the Third Wish

The Rangers are at a wishing well. Ashley wishes for world peace. She won't tell TJ what it is, lest it doesn't true. Justin is about to toss in a special coin his dad gave him when he left (and omg Justin was so tiny when his dad left, what the hell dude? Get an apartment and bring your kid with you, don't leave him for YEARS and YEARS). Justin wishes for his dad to come back. POOR KID. YOU HAVE THE WORST FATHER IN ALL THE PR HISTORY (up to this point, anyway).

Rygog and a monster are at the wishing well, too. The monster fishes Justin's coin out of the well (okay, it's really more of a fountain) and decides to give it to Divatox. There is lots of unmorphed fighting! I approve of this. Unfortunately Blue Senturian comes in to "save the day" and tells them taking from the wishing well is an infraction of the law. The monsters get away and Justin is all upset his special coin is gone.

The monster turns the three coins he stole into wishing coins. Divatox is upset she only gets three wishes and demands more, so the monster (who is apparently yet another purse monster) cowers in fear. Elgar takes one of Divatox's wishes and wishes for a full head of hair. He ends up with long flowing grey locks. Divatox takes a wish and decides she wants Blue Senturian to be evil. He was helping a guy pump up his bike tire and then suddenly goes on a rampage and tears apart the bike instead. So... him being evil just means he destroys stuff? Okay...

TJ goes to get all the coins from the wishing well before the purse monster thing does. They want to stop him from making the coins into more wishes for Divatox. The only thing is, the monster can't seem to turn the coins into more wishes. He determines this by trying to wish for stuff. I'm not sure how that works. TJ stops him though! Because TJ is awesome, despite the really bad splicing of US footage and Sentai footage.

Blue Senturian comes to help TJ fight, but he's evil now and ends up attacking TJ instead. Poor TJ is so confused. He tries to convince him that he's a good guy, but BS isn't buying it. It's not like he hasn't been evil before, TJ! This is becoming a rather disturbing habit of BS. I mostly just like calling him BS...

The monster brings a whole purse full of coins to Divatox, except they aren't wishing coins and all Divatox can do with them is buy something... something really cheap. Divatox is all upset she only has one wish left and starts to wish for the Power Rangers to always be... when Elgar bumps her and she drops the coin. So she just wished for the Power Rangers to be forever! That's kind of awesome. She throws Elgar off the balcony and apparently they can all breathe in space.

Bulk and Skull are trying to be plumbers and failing miserably at it, BECAUSE THEY'VE HAD NO TRAINING. The wishing coin comes down the pipe and they manage to snag it, not knowing what it is.

Justin has a sad because he wants his dad to come home. Carlos is the best big brother figure ever because he gets Justin to talk about his sad and offers a sympathetic ear instead of just trying to be a replacement dad. Good job, Carlos! I love him so much.

The purse monster and BS are down on Earth trying to find the wishing coin, which just happens to be Justin's dad's coin. BS wants to fight the rangers on his own, mostly because he wants to destroy them himself. They start to freak out, but Carlos is so sure they'll win. After all, there are five of them versus his one! Blue Senturian is WAY better when he's evil. He has no qualms about hurting them. They kind of fail at hurting him.

The purse monster and BS flirt a bit while attacking the rangers, which gives them a chance to actually fight back. The purse monster is destroyed and Divatox has to make him grow. At some point, Elgar lost his hair. Probably when he fell from space. He brings BS back to the spaceship to see Divatox while the purse monster is left to fight the Village People Megazord. The only thing that would have made that fight interesting if it were an ACTUAL Village People Megazord and did the YMCA for me.

Divatox demands her wishing coin back, but nobody can find it. They bring in another monster to find it. Meanwhile, the rangers have scanning devices and try to find it themselves. Bulk and Skull still have the coin. They try to use it to play pinball. God I miss arcades (yes, I am old). And we get a To Be Continued screen.

Wait. THAT is our cliffhanger?!?!?!?! Really? Geez, this series really fails at cliffhangers.

4.5 fish. OH GOD IS IT OVER YET?!?!?!

Episode 216 - Weight and See

TRIGGER WARNING FOR DISORDERED EATING

You guys, this is like the most frustrating run of episodes ever. Two rage inducing ones in a row. And this one, frankly, is seriously triggering and also not the episode you want to be watching right after eating probably too much pizza.

Last time we had an episode about food, it was about how if you eat junk food you are a bad person. This time we get Kat's brief brush with anorexia. And frankly, it does some things really well and some things REALLY BADLY.

So, Kat is auditioning for a ballet. Hey, continuity! I am impressed. They're doing The Nutcracker (I guess because they thought it was the only ballet that kids would know?) and Kat desperately wants to be Clara. Random bitchy girl makes some sarcastic comments to Kat about how Kat is a little too big for the part, and she should be in better shape. Random bitchy girl expects to get the part, but instead Kat impressed the director with her fresh take on the role and is cast as Clara. Random bitchy girl continues to bring up Kat's weight.

At the beach, Adam and Justin are planting tide markers. Adam gets distracted by a hot girl in a yellow bikini. (This is the part where I started all capsing at queenriley about how he's dating Tanya and he's being... well, a teenage boy.) Justin gets distracted by a younger girl in a bathing suit. Hey, if we're doing the "it isn't how you look on the outside" episode, could we get an objectification is bad moral? No? Also, Adam is totally grossed out by the fact that Justin is noticing girls.

Then they get attacked by Piranhatrons and we get an unmorphed fight. Yay! (Adam, your HAIR.)

Back at the Youth Center, Kat has apparently decided she isn't going to eat until after the show. We don't know how long it is until they perform the ballet. Tanya and Tommy try to encourage her to eat but she refuses and leaves. Tommy and Tanya follow her and Tommy actually pays for something. The world is ending.

Apparently Divatox's big plan is that she's going to turn Angel Grove into Atlantis. It's a shame Billy isn't there, because otherwise I would totally make a joke about my ridiculous DC comics crossover OTP of Billy/Garth (which BFF harmonyangel and I once mentioned to comics artist Steve Lieber. Look, Heroescon last year was awesome.)

So. Kat runs into the monster which makes her lighter? I feel that the show is not understanding how anorexia works. I guess they were trying to go for the she's getting so thin she's floating away idea? (And like, she skipped one meal.) But it would have made more sense if they'd made her think she weighed more than she did.

The Rangers all go to the Power Chamber (Kat is still floating) and everyone goes to fight the monster except for Kat. (The monster is like, a weird looking version of the Count) Everyone but Justin is made to feel like they weigh a ton, and Justin gets to float. Dimitria gives Kat some inspirational phrases that she pretends are questions, and Kat realizes that it's really about how she is on the inside, not on the outside, and she's miraculously broken free of the floating spell and I...

Look. I have friends and family who have struggled with eating disorders. Neither of us really wanted to be the one to recap this episode, but all I'm going to say is that this cannot be fixed by a simple inspirational speech. It just doesn't work like that. I'd like to applaud the show for *trying* but...

Anyway, let us instead talk about the AWESOME part. Kat beats up the monster by herself and it is amazing.

Then the monster grows and hits the Zord with a duck. (Well, a duck shaped blast, but I like the idea of the Zord being hit by a duck better.) Then the Rangers blow it up.

Sometime later, Kat is performing the ballet. She is awesome. Random bitchy girl is a rat. I'd have thought she'd have gotten Sugar Plum Fairy or something.

Fish: FIVE. ALSO, RAGE INDUCING.

Episode 214- The Whole Lie

Is there a good episode of Turbo? I mean, a really good episode? I'm beginning to doubt it.

So there's a car wash. They're trying to raise money to support the Angel Grove baseball team. Hey, it's a sport that isn't martial arts! In Angel Grove! No wonder they need a fundraiser. Justin spies something odd and goes to investigate. He finds Porto, who gives him the best nickname ever that we shall use forever and ever. He calls him the Littlest Ranger and zaps him with some kind of ray gun that forces him to tell lies.

Kat, clearly needing a book on free range parenting, gets all worried because the TWELVE YEAR OLD has wandered off on his own. He's 12. He's not 2. He is perfectly capable of being off by himself. She finds him just as Porto is leaving and asks if anything is wrong. Seeing as Justin can't tell the truth, he tells her he's fine and nothing unusual is going on.

When he lies, a piranatron appears. Kat and Justin fight (unmorphed! Yay! I missed those) and then return to the car wash. Justin continues to lie and Kat is worried about him, so she talks to Tanya. This plan would be much better if he was only lying about certain things, not everything. It's really easy to pick out something is wrong when he lies about stuff they KNOW to be true. Divatox seems pleased with the progress of her plan, however, and Elgar is fighting an octopus with really really long tentacles. He's completely wrapped up. She doesn't seem to care.

Concerned, Tanya and Kat take Justin to Demetria. She is... less than helpful. Justin lies again and a single piranatron shows up at the car wash. Adam is there to fight it off, but for some reason he needs to morph. Tanya and Kat go to help him out, just in time for a monster to show up. Justin stays behind. He's concerned about breaking the spell while the others fall under the same spell.

Tommy, meanwhile, is in the racing footage from the first episode and does not respond to his communicator. He is useless... until he decides he really ought to listen and goes to fight, only to fall under the lying spell as well.

Demetria asks Justin a question upon which he answers truthfully and suddenly the spell is broken. He morphs and asks the others a question, which they also answer truthfully and the spell is broken on them as well. So. A spell that makes it impossible for them to tell the truth can only be broken by telling the truth? And somehow they're able to do this without any trouble, without any concentration, without even any trickery involved? That... is the dumbest lie ray ever.

The monster grows, though how Elgar fired the torpedoes while being sucked out the porthole by the long-tentacled octopus is anybody's guess. They fight. They win. It's very boring.

Back at the Youth Center, Justin promises to never ever lie again. It's not like you could help it, kid! Lt. Stone asks Justin, Kat, and Tanya to try a new juice blend smoothie. They taste it, but it's vile. Lt. Stone asks Justin's opinion, being sure to spell out that he knows Justin would never lie to him, and so Justin tells him it's bad. The others agree. He blames the chimpanzees who then manage to cover him in smoothie. Justin once again reiterates how bad it is to lie, and how people really do want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth at all times. I think we get the point, show.

4 fish. 4 really old sat-out-in-the-sun fish. Ew.

Covered in food: Lt. Stone in juice blend/smoothie.

Episode 205- A Season to Remember

For the record, this episode is entirely AU in our minds. Mkay?

So we couldn't move on to Turbo without doing this monstrosity of a holiday special. The great thing about this is? We're recapping it NOT during the holiday season this is supposed to be about. This would be a very grumpy recap indeed were I doing it anytime from October-January. But instead we're doing it really really close to Purim! Which is the best holiday EVER! So I'm HAPPY! Which made this far more tolerable than it is any other time of year.

So! We start off with an opening that pegs this as a 90's Christmas special. Blurred ornaments, a tree, close up of a Santa ornament, roaring fire, and finally an old man with The Grandson on his knee. He begins to tell The Grandson a story about his best Christmas. In Tommy's very bad old man voice.

In the Youth Center, many years prior to the previous scene (yet oddly with the same fashion sense...), everybody is setting up some sort of holiday decoration. Rocky brings in tamales made by his mother. He is looking forward to all the food. Raymond is there as the Token Jew and he has the BEST HAIR EVER. Oh Raymond, I LOVE YOU. They all miss Billy, who is apparently off at a family holiday reunion.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are being detectives wrapping presents. Skull wishes there were round wrapping paper as he's trying to wrap a bowling ball. They hide the presents quickly when Detective Stone comes in and mentions the latest caper. Skull mishears and thinks he's asking about capers and gets all excited. He wants a bagel with lox and onion. SKULL IS MY FAVOURITE. I would gift a limb for a good bagel with lox and red onion. Mmmmm. Now I'm hungry. And we're totally thinking Skull is Jewish now. Eugene Skullovitch? Could be! Bulk could be as well with the name Bulkmeier. Or he could not. But we think Power Rangers could use more than Token Jew Guest Star and Bridge so... we're going with Jewish!Skull. Anyway, they're supposed to find a missing fruitcake.

At the Power Chamber, it's all decorated for Christmas. Even the outside has lights. Zordon gives Alpha fuzzy ducky slippers. Alpha wrote a program that gives Zordon a Santa hat. WHY are they celebrating Christmas? They aren't even from Earth!

Meanwhile, Raymond is explaining Chanukah to everybody else. For all of ten seconds. He mentions the eight candles being lit, one per night, and that represents freedom for the Jews. And that is all he says, while everyone else is really patronizing with "That's really interesting" and "I had no idea there were so many different ways to celebrate.". Mkay then. On the plus side, Raymond puts on a kippah that looks just like my son's baby kippah, which he cannot wear anymore, alas. Then we get Tanya explaining Kwanzaa in great detail, which I think is awesome because usually Kwanzaa gets overlooked even more than Chanukah. Thank you, show! You win, at this part at least.

Anyway, Mondo doesn't like all this goodwill and cheer going around, so he and Sprocket decide to make everybody hate each other instead. Sprocket goes down to the Youth Center right after Ernie leaves and turns the rangers and Token Jew Raymond against each other. They start snipping and fighting. Tanya gets upset when they talk about Christmas and we get that she celebrates Kwanzaa, but it's not mutually exclusive! You can celebrate both Kwanzaa and Christmas! TANYA MOCKS TOMMY AND IT IS THE BEST EVER. And then Tommy orders Raymond to go get him a Christmas tree. Stupid Tommy. Raymond tries to leave. They're okay with that because they can't have the Jew getting in the way of their Christmas celebration. Y'know, this bit here? With the fighting and the My Holiday Is Better Than Yours and the Why Can't You All Shut Up So I Can Celebrate? THIS IS HOW REAL LIFE IS.

The only good part is there is at least some acknowledgment of Adam's history here. He is Korean-American. He snipes that not everybody even celebrates holidays at that time of year, LIKE IN KOREA. Atheist or Buddhist Adam? YES PLEASE. (and yes, I know many atheists that celebrate Christmas because they were brought up with it... I also know many that don't)

So there are no weapons that can fight this hatred. Only the kindness of their hearts can fight it. And they can't find any kindness right now. Then Sprocket steals all their stuff. A Tiny Child comes in with a poster of togetherness she wants to hang up. Everybody is still very angry at each other and are mean to the Tiny Child. Tiny Child says the greatest gift of all is love (which I agree with) and then sings a song her mother sings when she's angry or sad. Tiny Child cannot sing. The song makes no sense for the situation it's supposed to come from. It's about taking hands and being stronger. This breaks the spell. Everyone apologizes.

Bulk and Skull find a really huge fruitcake. It was made for them by Rito and Goldar. AWWWWW. That's so sweet. Skull has to call his Aunt Milly to get her to replace the missing fruitcake, because they can't take the one Rito and Goldar made for them. He uses his SHOE PHONE. SHOE PHONE PEOPLE.

At the Youth Center, they found Raymond's chanukiah. Kat asks him to show her how to light the candles. He agrees and then they walk off camera. Really? We can't even get that?

Back in Not Really Future Land, Old!Kat tells Old!Tommy to stop telling stories because it's late. Older The Grandson comes to pick up Younger The Grandson and they are clearly NOT in Angel Grove because he's brushing snow off his jacket. His "watch" beeps that old familiar calling, and he asks them to watch Younger The Grandson a little while longer. "Must run in the family". *barf*

And that's that, thank goodness it's over.

2 fish. Mostly because it's AU. Rage-inducing in a lot of places, yeah, but again... AU.

Episode 200 - Another Song and Dance

*stares* Wait. WAIT. Episode 200? Did we really hit 200? When we started this nearly two years ago, I don't think either of us actually expected that we would keep going with it as long as we did. But it has been SO MUCH FUN and we're seriously looking forward to the next 500+ episodes. :D

So, we begin with Tommy dancing. Or something that's supposed to be dancing. It's really just him gyrating on the couch and kicking his feet in the air with some martial arts thrown in. Tanya comes down the stairs and sees him, and clearly is wondering if he's been brainwashed/under a spell/has finally cracked. Tommy seems very embarrassed, and if he was, then why was he practicing in school in full view of anyone? It turns out that his lip syncing performance was actually him practicing for music class, where he has to sing.

Hint: Tommy, lip syncing is not actually singing.

Tanya agrees to give Tommy some singing lessons, probably in the hope that she will never have to see him do that again. Ever.

Out on the lake, Bulk and Skull are on a male bonding fishing trip with their fake!daddy. He's given them some sort of nonsense explanation about how catching criminals is a lot like catching fish, but not to worry, he has a secret weapon. I don't know why they need a secret weapon to catch fish in Angel Grove, the city is full of them.

Meanwhile, the Machine Empire plans to combine these two things by a) turning Lt. Stone's secret weapon fish bait into a monster and b) placing a spell on Tommy and Tanya that will make them sing everything. Supposedly this will alter their telepathic links to the Zords or something, but personally, we believe that the real purpose is to drive the other Rangers crazy.

Because Tommy? CANNOT SING.

Anyway, this is one of the worst plans ever, but I so don't actually care, because it's hilarious and one of my favorite episodes of all time.

Tommy and Tanya's singing is so ridiculously over the top and dramatic and the other Rangers are all cringing and it's GREAT.

While Tommy and Tanya are singing their explanation to Zordon, the fish bait thing has been transformed into a giant caterpillar monster, and well... you might want to get out of the water.

The Rangers are clued into some serious destruction of the city, with Cogs blowing apart buildings and everything. Of course, Rocky then informs us that this is the abandoned warehouse district, and I spent the next few minutes laughing hysterically and trying to figure out how Angel Grove functions. We guess that after the first few attacks from Rita the city created a protective barrier of abandoned buildings for monsters to squash or something.

Meanwhile, Adam asks if he can pilot Tommy's Zord, because he's that awesome. Jason stays with him, while the other Rangers morph (and Tommy and Tanya sing their morphs. SO GREAT) and go fight.

This is actually a pretty cool Zord fight, mostly because the monster looks like it's right out of Labyrinth. The cogs are even attacking the Zord Bay! I mean, this is pretty epic destruction, it's great.

While Alpha changes the link so Adam can pilot the Red Battle Zord, we figured out that we're recapping Ranger of Two Worlds on Wednesday, and then there were EPIC TEARS. At least that explains where Billy is, but some in universe explanation would be great.

Adam goes and beats up the robot, but apparently Tommy's mental state is too foreign, so he loses control of the Zord. The other Rangers also lose control of their Zords which... leads to the Zords dancing? Why is there a Zord shaking its ass at the camera? NO, SERIOUSLY.

Everyone gets thrown out of their Zords, and there's a fight, and Tommy vs Archerina was pretty great. The monster gets destroyed, and while Machina is sulking about it, Mondo comes back.

At the Youth Center, we discover that Tommy got an A on his assignment. .... Really? Did his teacher give him the A to make him stop? Rocky tells Tommy that he's glad that Tommy stopped singing because he couldn't take it anymore.

Bulk and Skull come in, smelling like fish. They say they never want to see another fish again. Boys, I suggest moving far away from Angel Grove. Then they are incredibly rude to Emily, who unveils Ernie's new fish special.

.... What sort of juice bar serves fish anyway?

Fish: 4. How on earth does singing alter a telepathic link?

Fic we want: PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF TOMMY FOREVER.

Episode 196 - King For A Day - Part 1

First, I'm really sorry we've been so long without recaps. I moved into a new apartment, and that's taken precedence over pretty much everything, including recapping. But I am moved in now, so recaps are back on schedule! (Err, for version of schedule that means we're still 3 months behind where we said we'd be.)

SO. Onto the recap.

Tommy has been kidnapped, and how much do I love that we get to use that tag again? A LOT, let me tell you.

The episode begins with Tommy's brainwashing, where he's fighting the white ranger version of himself, and some cogs. I maintain that this is one of the events that contributes to Tommy's MPD. But we'll discuss that when we get to Dino Thunder. Gasket is being all great and menacing and going on about how he's manipulating Tommy's mind and will brainwash him to destroy the Rangers, while also giving Tommy's powers to some monster.

This is... actually a great plan! Good job, Gasket!

Meanwhile, Rocky, Jason and Kat are at the Youth Center since there's nothing they can do at the moment, where they stumble upon Bulk and Skull insisting to a mocking crowd that they saw Zeo Ranger 5 at the lake, except they could see right through him. You would think that the people of Angel Grove would be way more tolerant of these things, considering they get attacked by monsters all the time, but nobody is willing to listen to Bulk and Skull. Probably because they have cried wolf a few too many times. They're dared to go get some proof (by some tiny children) and they agree. Meanwhile, the Rangers also decide to check it out.

With the brainwashing complete, Tommy's powers are transferred to some monster that they now claim has the power of 100 warriors. That is BULLSHIT. Maybe 100 putties or something. Then we get transferred to the arena, and I am not going to lie, I am absolutely craving a bad and wrong gladiator AU where the Rangers are all captured and forced to fight each other. *cough* I mean, seriously, we have a great setup for it! (We like torturing our favorites, WHAT?)

So it turns out that Tommy hasn't been brainwashed to be evil again, he just has amnesia and Gasket is telling him that the Rangers are the evil ones. This sucks, because frankly, Tommy is better when he's evil. Also, no evil laugh. BOO. On the other hand, amnesia is still pretty great for fic writing.

At the Power Chamber, the Rangers are all discussing what to do, and Jason and Kat are pretty much fighting over who gets to rescue Tommy. Seriously, they should just date each other instead of fighting over him. But Jason's hero complex is in full effect, and he goes on about how he can't fail Tommy again. Hey, continuity!

They head to the lake, and see holographic!Tommy, and Jason runs right to it while Kat realizes that It's a trap! Jason gets caught, and Kat does not. Bulk and Skull, who show up to investigate, also get caught. Walking chaos magnets, for real.

Gasket has convinced Tommy that the Rangers are evil by showing him three images of the Rangers shooting things and then things blowing up. Tommy decides that his best warrior will destroy the Rangers, starting with the Gold Ranger, who is now stuck in the arena. GLADIATOR AU. FOR REAL. For some reason, Tommy doesn't wonder why he is dressed as a Ranger.

Bulk and Skull are also being held captive in a cell, where some guy with a fish hat asks them if they want to argue with each other, or escape.

Back at the Power Chamber, Billy has returned and is scanning for Tommy's missing brainwaves, and they also manage to find Jason, and Bulk and Skull. Billy is so not surprised to see Bulk and Skull have been captured, because they are walking chaos magnets. He refers to them as a couple of hitchhikers, which explains so much. They're all freaked out because they don't know where their towel is! Oh, and the portal is now closed, so the rest of the Rangers can't get in.

Then they manage to get a picture, because Gasket is BROADCASTING THIS. Even Rito and Goldar pick it up on the moon! To be fair, if I was going to destroy a Ranger, I would probably also broadcast it. It would be great ratings. Except I'd do it timedelayed, since, you know, the Rangers aren't that easy to destroy.

Jason fights the monster, and then figures out that it has Tommy's powers because only Tommy can match him move for move, so he just calls the monster Tommy a lot and somehow that makes it lose Tommy's powers? That whole part makes no sense. He tries to get through to Tommy, but Tommy just says he will fight him instead.

Fish: 4.5. LOOK, that thing with the brainwaves makes NO SENSE. A good plan, but NO SENSE. If you cut out the whole thing with the monster using Tommy's powers, it would drop down a lot, but it made NO SENSE.

Fic we want: GLADIATOR AU.

Questions: Why are some of Rita and Zedd's monsters in the audience?

Episode 143 - Sound of Dischordia

We had a long debate about which episode we were on, before we decided to go to continue on with the Ranger Central episode guide. This may or may not have had something to do with us not wanting to watch I'm Dreaming of a White Ranger.

Not that this was much of an improvement. I mean, yay Aisha! But the song. And the FISH. And the singing! And this is coming from someone who likes the Zeo episode where Tommy and Tanya have to sing the whole time.

Honestly, the only thing I remembered about this episode was Catherine Sutherland complaining at Morphicon about how stupid this song is. And it is really stupid.

The episode begins with Aisha and Kat in some sort of music studio in Angel Grove High. Fancy! They're singing some awful song that Aisha wrote to enter the write the school song for Angel Grove contest. This fits in with my personal fanon that when Tanya goes on to be a famous singer, Aisha writes some of her songs and then Tanya makes all of the former Rangers who can sing go on tour with her. Anyway.

Kat is having trouble with the harmony, and she's losing her confidence. If I was writing this episode, she would be having a crisis of confidence and then placed under a spell where she doesn't think she's good enough and then she has to realize how awesome she is. But I'm not writing it. Instead, Bulk and Skull shatter some glass with their singing and Kat realizes she's not that bad, and they practice some more, while Tommy tells Kat how awesome she is.

Hey, Tommy, you remember Kim? Your girlfriend? God, no wonder she dumps him. (Oops, spoilers!)

Kat and Aisha show up at the Juice Bar, having bought out the mall, and the guys tease them about their shopping habits, clearly noticing that they're just nervous and that the shopping is stress relief. I totally know people who do this *stares at overflowing bookshelves* so yay for characterization! Also, adorable.

Up on the moon or Master Vile's ship or whatever, Master Vile decides he needs a singing monster. My poor eardrums. The monster then attacks Kat and Aisha, and it makes them dance. (Someone had better use the awesome icon of the dancing in the comments, or I will be sad)

The other Rangers show up, and there is more dancing, and the monster tries to make Tommy give up his power coin and Zord, because it is all about Tommy.

The Rangers manage to break the spell long enough to summon the sparklearmor, and then they dazzle the monster.

TSB: THEY DAZZLED HER
QR: OH GOD THIS IS WHERE SMEYER GOT HER IDEA ISN'T IT?
TSB: YES
QR: NOOOOOOOOOOO

Yes, this is exactly how we do the recap.

Then they power down and the monster grows and we are only ten minutes into the episode. CRAP. There's a six minute long zord fight where Ninjor shows up and only Tommy can save the day and there's a bunch of fish, and the only important thing is that the monster calls them Power Puffs! Oh, and they summon the toy version of Titanus and pasted on some fire.

After the defeat, Master Vile refuses to leave because that would mean admitting that Zedd didn't suck.

At the contest, some group is singing a song that has the power of rock, but has nothing to do with school spirit. Kat and Aisha sing their awful song, and they win. Then there are hugs. I am in favor of hugs!

Fish: 4. Seriously, long Zord fights are never a good idea.

Fic we want: All the female Rangers go on tour together! Make this happen!

Places you should all be going to - !

Episode 134- A Different Shade of Pink Part 1

Oh show. This is both a happy and sad episode, and I both love and hate episodes like this. It's the end of Kim being a Power Ranger, which is really sad since Kim is AWESOME! She will be missed. But, we get Kat, who can be pretty great in her own right. This also means that Billy is (very very soon) the only original ranger left on the team. It's only a matter of time. :(

So we start off with Kim and Tommy in the Youth Center. Kim is doing gymnastics while Tommy watches. A middle-aged man walks in wearing a shirt that is so bad it's crossed into cool. He introduces himself as Gunther Schmidt. Tommy is duly impressed. Gunther is also duly impressed with Kim's routine, though I have to admit, it wasn't all that impressive. Anyway, she is all star struck and Gunther wants to speak to her coach, of which she has none, so he agrees to train her himself in what little spare time he has. He seems a nice guy!

Rita observes and, after calling Kim a Mallrat, makes plans to muck up her life... in a very uncomfortable place. Like the back of a Volkswagon.

So Kim, all excited about her chance at Pan Globals, calls a meeting in the Command Center. Rocky determines it's very serious and Kim starts to mention Gunther Schmidt. Apparently Tommy has already told them all everything about what Kim wanted to talk about. She didn't even get to share the good news herself! Not cool, Tommy, not cool. But the others are very happy for her (being good friends for a change! They must have taken relationship seminars) and Zordon is sure she can balance training and rangering. He is very supportive of them following their dreams instead of rangering and I totally approve of this. A definite Zordon!Win here!

So we get an awesome training montage where Kim does some much more impressive routines and there is lots of gratuitous running (of which we wholeheartedly approve). She brings Gunther to the Youth Center for one of Ernie's protein smoothies, and Bulk and Skull overhear a news broadcast on a spy in the area. He's middle-aged, greying hair, 5'11", and speaks with a heavy accent. Gunther Schmidt is middle-aged, greying hair, 5'11" (ish), and speaks with a heavy accent. Of course Bulk and Skull are sure he's the spy and they intend to find out! But first we get a fantastic Bill Clinton joke. :D

Kat, meanwhile, is slowly but surely breaking the spell. She's remembering her past as a diver. This is one aspect of her story I had completely forgotten and I'm quite happy to rediscover it. It's an interesting back story.

Rita decides Kim has had enough training and sends down tengas, Rito, Goldar, and monsters. The others won't call Kim until they absolutely have to, and they are overwhelmed pretty quickly. Zordon calls Kim and she eventually begs off training, after a lecture about priorities from Gunther, and goes to rescue Tommy. She saves the day and returns to the Youth Center just in time to get called back to the fight yet again! She passes out after all the rigorous fighting, but still manages to beat the bad guys WITHOUT a power coin. Because she's just that UBER.

Bulk and Skull attempt to observe Gunther by doing gymnastics, completely with spandex (lovely lovely spandex) and bathrobes. Skull does not like being upside down, however, and we hear it went very badly.

Tommy drives Kim back to the Youth Center, despite it being closing time, and drops her off, though he at least tried to convince her to let him stay for her safety. She refuses, but does convince Ernie to let her close up and practice. He leaves and she stays while Kat, lurking outside, remembers her past as a diver who injured herself and ruined the chance at the Pan Globals, and completely breaks the spell. OF HER OWN FREE WILL, PEOPLE! Kat broke the spell BY HERSELF because she was too strong for it to keep hold. I kind of love her a little right now.

Anyway, she rushes into the Youth Center just in time to see Kim fall. Kim is uninjured but passed out and Kat feels incredibly guilty while she tries to figure out what to do to help her. And we're left with a freeze frame and quite the cliffhanger!

Fortsetzung folgt. To be continued!

1.5 fish. It wasn't bad!

(also of note: Can anybody please throw your up-for-grabs Kat icons at me? I need a good one!)

Episode 131 - Changing of the Zords Part 2

Previously - Kat has stolen Kim's power coin, and if she doesn't get it back, it might kill her. This is what we call epic.

We open with Kim still unconscious, and Billy apparently managed to finish med school, because he's busy giving a medical diagnosis. We know Billy is a genius and all, but really? It makes you wonder how they explain whatever bruises and things they get from fighting monster. (I tend to be on the healing factor side of the debate, but it's worth thinking about.)

Tommy is all worried and confused, and making it all about him and how he can't lose her, and how he knows what it was like to lose his powers, and seriously, Tommy, not about you. Adam is being practical and wondering what they're going to do without their Zords and Ninjor being gone, etc. Nobody has any answers, and Kimberly just continues to lay (asleep, although I'm going more with 'coma') on the table, with glowing pink lines racing over her skin.

Up on the moon, Zedd is indulging in an evil cackle about how awesome he is. Then he realizes he needs pilots for his new Zords, and apparently he thinks the Rangers should work for him. Umm... ok? We're not really sure where this came from, but we guess we'll go along with it. He decides to send down a monster named Fangenstein (cue all the really bad dental puns now) to distract the Rangers.

At the Youth Center, Tommy is hitting things, and Adam and Rocky look on worriedly. Kat shows up, claiming she's supposed to be having lunch with Kimberly, and then trying to convince Tommy to go with her instead. Tommy is busy being emo (or he knows that having lunch with another girl who is CLEARLY crushing on him while his girlfriend is in a coma is totally inappropriate) so he says no. Then communicators go off just as Aisha and Billy walk into the youth center (they were making out?) and they go off to fight the monster.

Kimberly wakes up (we're not sure how) just as Zordon discovers that Kat is being attacked by Tengas. The other Rangers are having a hard time with the tooth monster, so they can't be spared to go save her, and Kim is not just going to sit there and watch one of her friends get hurt. Because she is that awesome. Besides, Tommy didn't listen to Zordon's warnings about power loss, and neither will Kim! She goes and fights the Tengas, but unfortunately passes out and faints. :( Then Zedd pulls out his monster, since it is no longer needed.

Bulk and Skull are getting yelled at about how they tried to rescue a bunch of kids, which somehow then ends up with them being yelled at for always running into monsters. They are clearly monster magnets, but Lieutenant Stone doesn't quite believe them, so he decides to shadow them for 24 hours to see if anything happens.

Back at the Command Center, everyone is freaking out about Kim, when Zedd calls up on the viewing globe and demands to be teleported into the Command Center. As they do that our chat starts to descend into all caps with frequent exclamations of "DAMN!" and "HOLY SHIT" and "I LOVE ZEDD SO MUCH" and "EPIC!" Because that is how we roll. And seriously, it is an AWESOME scene. Zedd tries to make small talk, and Alpha hides from him and calls him Ed, and Zedd delivers the ultimatum - he is draining Kim's lifeforce (power, whatever, we know what he's really saying) and if they don't work for him, they get to watch her die. The episode ends with him saying time is up, and asking for their decision.

THAT is what we call an awesome cliffhanger.

Fish: 2. Not very much yelling this episode except about how awesome Zedd is.