Episode 358 - The Omega Project

Previously... hell if I remember. Ryan was shirtless? I remember that much. And I got stuck with a Joel episode? REALLY? Ugh. (Whatever, I did miss this.)

So we start off with Joel and an inappropriately young friend using a telescope. The inappropriately young friend is named Simon, and he can join the list of future rangers. In fact, tiny child wants to work for Lightspeed. Joel tells the inappropriately young friend that working for Lightspeed is serious, but when he grows up, he'll be able to work wherever he wants.

Meanwhile, the villains are plotting to use an asteroid or something. I don't care. But the tiny child notices it right as his mother tells him to go to bed.

If Joel is not related to Simon, I am super assuming that he's sleeping with the kids mom.

Ms. Fairweather is explaining a new power up to the Rangers, and how she's created the Omega Megazord, which is the latest in Zord tech. I think she just wanted an excuse to make them say Omega Mega. Then Joel shows up with flowers, and she is all "late again." He tries to give her flowers, but is interrupted by a call. Simon the inappropriately young friend calls and apparently has hacked into the frequency because its super important, but Joel ignores him. Captain Awesome is all "What is going on?" and he ends up getting the flowers that Joel was going to present to Ms. Fairweather.

Simonagain is all "LOOK, I AM SMART. Have this binder of proof and math and I am WAY SMARTER THAN YOU." The kid is great. "I have the position, the velocity, EVERYTHING." Kid is totally a future Ranger and/or future tech. This time Joel believes him, and he goes to Lightspeed.

Ms. Fairweather ignores Joel, because frankly, Joel has cried wolf approximately 87 times at this point and she's running tests. So the kid simply hacks into the database because he is the most brilliant. By the time everyone else has figured out how to get into the office, Simon has proven his point. Ms. Fairweather is all "damn, this kid is great."

An alarm goes off, and the Rangers have to go form a zord to fight the asteroid. They... stand in the middle of the city and plan to blow it up? That is poor planning. All the debris will still destroy everything!

Olympius is all "well, I'll block the sun so they won't have any power." SCIENCE DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY. Did they learn nothing from earlier? Hell, MMPR stopped the solar power megazords after green with evil!

So the Rangers have to ignore the asteroid and go fight olympius and blah blah blah. Meanwhile, smart inappropriately young friend is doing science. He's all "whoops, thing is bigger than we thought." Ms. Fairweather recalls them to the base so they can initiate the omega project. God, I have been in fandom for so long I am so confused as to why a/b/o is involved, and that's not even my kink.

Inappropriately young friend is all worried as the Rangers dramatically enter their zords or whatever, and everyone in the base is super intensely watching. They take off, and the kid adorably salutes captain awesome.

So they go and fly in space and form a megazord and then try to land on the asteroid? They can't find a place to land, so Chad shoots stuff and then they land. The megazord like crab crawls or whatever, and then the whole episode turns into Armageddon as they start drilling into the asteroid. (I refuse to link to that piece of crap movie.) They insert some explosives. Apparently this giant asteroid will only need two of them. Bullshit. They insert the second explosive, and then the asteroid starts attacking them?

Ms. Fairweather starts yelling at them to pull out, and Carter is all "well, we'll have to detonate everything manually" so they fully form the omega megazord and then they get the omega missile, and then they hit the explosives with the sword, which makes everything explode? The kid yells very dramatically and seriously, who was watching Armageddon when they wrote this script? WHO DO I HAVE TO BLAME.  There is a giant explosion, but Carter's voice comes in and they are all alive and everything is destroyed.

The inappropriately young friend gives Joel the credit. Joel congratulates Ms. Fairweather, and she tells him that Simon did it. Joel tells the kid to ask Ms. Fairweather out, and the way he phrases it TOTALLY makes it sound like the kid should ask her out for himself. He lets the kid wear the hat and everything. She then agrees to take Simon to the planetarium. Kid is way better at this than you are, Joel. And he is not an ass.

Fish: 5. Anything that I have to compare to Armageddon is an AUTOMATIC FIVE FISH. On the other hand, the kid is super great, and I look forward to him being a Ranger/tech one day.

Fic we want: SERIOUSLY, THAT KID IS GREAT

Random thought that didn't fit into the recap: Man, all of their plans seem to involve DESTROYING EARTH. Or is the magic asteroid not going to totally destroy the planet? Where exactly are they planning on building their palace anyway, if an ASTEROID WIPES OUT EVERYTHING.

Episode 341 - Trial By Fire

Today on Power Rangers, we get our Red Learns to be a Leader episode. We start out with Kelsey taking everybody rock climbing. They mock each other and tell funny stories about stupid things they did when they were kids. Fireman Sam Carter says he didn't always want to be a firefighter and then starts to tell a story. It's apparently sad, because he stops before he really gets anywhere. They get called to the training field and have to be all military and saluting and stuff. So much for rock climbing, I guess. There is a big training montage that I just can't hate, even though it makes no sense for what these people were like as civilians. Like, seriously, vaulting so artfully over that wall? Not gonna happen. I do love that they really have to train hard though. Right down to rescuing civilians and medical care on babies. CPR is important to know, even for a Power Ranger! And their weapons training involves lots of paintball, which is always great. Carter apparently was the fastest but got the lowest score because he didn't use his brain, he just shot at the targets. I like this! He has to be able to see the safest way out of any situation and just shooting all the bad guys isn't always it. I can see the argument that Captain Mitchell should have told him why he basically failed. But honestly, given the fact that Carter is basically an adult, and not a cocky badass, frankly I think that wouldn't be giving him enough credit. Nor would it have been a lesson that would have really stuck with him. He needs to find the answer himself, with minimal guidance. He has to work through the steps on his own before he can figure out what he did wrong and what he'll need to do better next time. On the Bad Guy ship, baby creature is upset by... something the monsters are talking about? I don't get it. They decide to destroy things from the ground up and cause what appears to be an earthquake, except of course Lightspeed Rescue knows better. They confront Vypra who has her goons hammering... things?... into the ground in a warehouse. I do not see the point. Anyway, Vypra can't act to save her life so this scene just hurts. Like, wow. She's not just bland, she's BAD. Carter has to jump in to save the people shopping nearby from the bad acting. He puts himself between them and her, but doesn't take into consideration that this warehouse is full of explosive chemicals. Vypra does, and manages to set everything on fire. Carter is ordered to put the fire out first, but he wants to rescue the people from the collapsing ceiling. He does as he's told and saves things from exploding, but does not manage to save a Tiny Child from the falling concrete. Joel rushes in to take the kid to a hospital. Which was actually a bad idea. He should have immobilized the boy's spine and waited for the ambulance. You don't move people with head injuries. Carter rushes back to base and yells at the Captain. He insists he was wrong to listen and should have rescued them. It takes everything Captain Mitchell has to not point out all the explosive chemicals that would have killed everybody instead of just causing one little boy to get hurt. Carter will have to learn this for himself. He goes to visit the little boy in the hospital and apologizes. He tells him the story he started to tell before. He was trapped in a fire (school? apartment? I can't tell). The fireman comes in to rescue him, tries to get him out, and then stops a beam from falling on them. The fireman insists Carter runs away, out of the fire, and into the arms of another fireman. He knows he'll never be that good, but he wants to. He wants to be that strong. It's only then he goes back to the training room where he shot all the paintballs. It's only then he sees the explosive containers and realizes he shot one. It's only then he runs back to the warehouse and sees the containers of gasoline. Then he realizes what he could have done. Captain Mitchell gives a poor inspirational speech about being a leader. This guys is AMAZING. He knows how to teach the important lessons. Carter wouldn't have really learned it if he hadn't been able to puzzle it out for himself. He has to be able to apply that to every situation, not just the obvious one. I am seriously impressed. There is another fight, Carter questions his use as a leader, but leads anyway. It's kind of boring. Carter apparently really likes to shoot stuff. This seems to be his solution to everything. This is probably why it was so important he learn that shooting things is not always the best solution. They win. Duh. Carter goes back to visit the little boy. He's not in his bed and Carter is all sad thinking something really bad happened. But the little boy was just up and about having a walk and he stops Carter. Says thank you and tells him he's okay because of Carter. Then he says he wants to grow up to be just like Carter. My little heart melts. And apparently so does Carter's. 2 fish. Really not bad. I also approve of Captain Mitchell's teaching methods.

Episode 337 - Journey's End Part 2

Today on Power Rangers, we get an epic start to the usually-awkward middle part of a three part story. Also, OMG THEY REMEMBERED BULK IN THE OPENING CREDITS! I thought they forgot he was on that darn ship.

So our Starship Troopers are quickly ushering civilians onto the shuttles. they have to evacuate the station pretty darn quick. On the surface of the moon, the zords are fighting off Stingwingers. They try to stop them from getting into the ship, but it's no use. There's too many of them. And they are blowing up everything in sight.

We see Bulk (BULK!) running with the Professor. The Rangers are now helping to try to get people to safety, away from the explosions and the stingwingers. They keep blowing themselves up. It's... suicide bombers. It's kind of a disturbing plan, really.

Meanwhile Villamax is upset that Trakeena is destroying her own army. He sees something out of the corner of his eye and chases it, only to discover a little girl hiding behind some rubble. A building explodes and HE PROTECTS HER! HE COVERS HER AND SAVES HER FROM GETTING HURT! HE IS THE BEST! Then she asks for help and he chastises her for not being in a safe area. Her mother comes running up and carries her away, but not before Tiny Cindy says "Thank you" and hands him a flower. MY HEART IS A PUDDLE OF MELTED DAWWWW.

The rangers sort of beat back the army, mostly because they all kill themselves. The dome is cracking. The rangers are exhausted. Things look pretty bleak. Trakeena wants to kill everybody, but Villamax isn't too sure about it.

Back on Terra Venture, Leo is picking up tiny children and placing them on a car. Kai is telling people to leave their personal items behind because there is no room on the shuttle. Mike finds the commander in the bridge, looking over his ruined ship. He's sad because it was supposed to be a shining beacon of humanity but instead it's a shipwreck. Even Kai is pretty upset over it. Apparently the domes were supposed to be parts of the colony? And that's why they have them? Which... doesn't make much sense, but whatever.

Villamax is having flashbacks to Tiny Cindy and he refuses to follow Trakeena's orders. Trakeena is following one of the shuttles. She's going to kill them all, but Villamax will not fire the missles and kill them. He points out that the Red Ranger killed her father, not the innocent people and small children on those shuttles. He talks to her of honour, but she tries to bypass him. She fights him but he won't fight back. He would rather be destroyed, and takes the killing blow as she crushes the flowers, than live with less than honourable actions. I REALLY like this guy. He needs to be friends with Ecliptor.

I also don't think she's entirely acting out of her own free will. I think a lot of this is Deviot's influence from their accidental merging. Trakeena learned more from Villamax than that. This is more like Deviot than Trakeena.

Meanwhile, the rangers are trying to protect the shuttles with the Megaship. And they're doing it helmetless! It's great. Except they're totally losing the battle and the Megaship is in serious trouble. Trakeena's ship has rammed them and is stuck. Leo knows the only way to stop Trakeena is to set the Megaship on self destruct. Damon really doesn't want to, because he loves his ship, but it's the only way. So they do it.

Leo goes to get Alpha while the others clear rubble from their only avenue of escape. They manage to blast a whole big enough to get the little rockets through and Leo gives Alpha a lift. They make it, but just. They clear enough to not explode, but not enough to avoid the blast wave. Alpha goes hurtling through space. Leo crashes on the moon. The others make it to the planet. The Megaship is destroyed. Somewhere, Andros is crying emo tears of sadness.

But the shuttles make it to the planet in one piece which was the whole purpose. Maya, Karone, Damon, and Kai all made it to the planet. They find Alpha as well, but there is no sign of Leo. Kai is the first to notice and nobody suspects he's stranded on the moon. UNMORPHED. Because the crash was pretty bad. At least this moon apparently has atmosphere? Because he can breathe.

Trakeena crashed as well and she stumbles from her wreckage of a ship towards the cocoon that turned her into what she is today.

To be continued!

2.5 fish. Only mildly plot-holey and really actually pretty epic. Especially for a middle episode. This one wasn't the least bit awkward!

Episode 318 - Blue to the Test

So. We took a bit of a long break there. Neither of us were in a terribly good place and something had to fall, so this community was it. But we're doing (mostly) better now and so we're back! We thank those of you who stuck with us through this and we hope to maintain a more regular schedule again. So we're back on the space colony. Kai is working diligently, plotting courses and making plans and just being a badass. The commander is trying to get Kai to think for himself, to teach him and help him grow as a person, so he gets Kai to admit that changing course now would be more beneficial than waiting. He'd adorably overcautious and I applaud his forethought. Kai is so smart. Meanwhile, Trakeena can't understand her own science nerd, but she listens to him anyway. She's going to plot to get the Rangers to burn up in a star. She's cool like that. We get to see the Commander's daughter again (yay continuity! Although the actress looks like my sister-in-law so it's a little weird at the same time) and she's drawing a picture of her father. It's cute and sweet and he is appropriately impressed. And then there's a monster attack! Because Tiny Children must be put in sort-of danger in this show. The Commander hides his daughter and rushes out to start getting people out of the way. He gets shot with an arrow and won't wake up while his Tiny Child cries for him and awwww my heart just cracked a little there. The rangers rush in to help and Tiny Child still cries for her Daddy and completely ignores them. Because she's a good little girl. Her father wakes up but is clearly not himself. Instead of suggesting he go to the med bay to get checked out, they just walk away. He throws his little girl off and then steps on the picture she drew. She is very sad. Poor Tiny Child. Back at the Command Center, Kai is ordered to shut down engines "to conserve power" and he starts to argue, but the Commander tells him not to think and to just follow orders. Kai shuts down the engines but he clearly knows something is wrong, to the point that he burns dinner later (and tries really hard not to say "shit" and says "shoot" instead). Leo asks if something is bothering him, he admits there is, and Damon is all "Well worry about it later. I need to eat, bro." Mostly we just want an entire show of Cooking with the Rangers. Back at the Command Center, Kai is told to plot in a course that will send them straight into the star. The Commander plays it off as gravity giving them speed and Kai stands up to him. He knows his science and actually refuses a direct order, because it will save the ship and everybody aboard. He is then suspended from duty. And some random guy changes the course that Kai wouldn't change. Why does nobody else stop and say "Hey wait, let's just check his math, mkay?" Seriously people, trust your Blue Rangers. They are (usually) the smartest. Kai FINALLY figures out that the Commander is probably possessed and decides to follow him around. TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH, GUYS. Seriously. Kai sees him talking to a monster and just confronts them without calling for backup or anything. Kai is a terrible spy. But we get an unmorphed fight and it's great! Mind, Leo and the others have to step in to save his ass, but that's okay. Kai runs off to stop the Commander and the others stall the monster for him. Kai stands up to him and it's GREAT, though he really ought to explain plans to his team first. I suppose he didn't really have time this time? Still, would be a good lesson to learn. Kai has an awesome unmorphed fight with the Commander and I would approve of nearly an entire episode like this. Kai is such a badass. Mind, the Commander is kicking his ass, so we have to wonder if he got enhanced skills due to the spell? Or maybe he's just that good with his military training. The rangers all get together to fight the monster and they call out all the toys and it's kind of boring. But there is archery, which is cool. Even if it's plastic and fake. They win. Of course. We'd expect nothing less. Big fight over, Kai and Mike rush to check on the Commander. Spell broken, he's himself again and can't remember a darn thing he just did. Kai gets him back to Command and they're able to stop the ship from plummeting into the red giant star. Kai takes his position back and they change course at the last minute, just breaking free of the gravitational pull. Kai is playing with Tiny Commander Spawn and she rushes to her father when he pulls up. He's sad he ruined her picture so asks her to draw him another one. Then he gives Kai a present! Because Kai saved the day and was willing to disobey orders to do it. So he gets a new uniform and put in charge while the Commander takes the day off. Hahaha, not so sure how that's a present, but he seems proud and happy, so it's all good. Everybody waits for his command and then applauds him and he still gets to be in command, because he is AMAZING. 3.5 fish. Not too bad, but really it shouldn't have taken them THAT long to figure out something was wrong. And somebody, somewhere, should have changed course before the ship got that close to the star, especially after the Commander left.

Episode 301- The Blue Crush

It's a Kai episode! I really like Kai.

And he gets a special assignment! Because he's awesome! Basically he gets handed the Commander's daughter and told to take her skating. Because the Commander is a jerk who can't be bothered to spend quality time with his own daughter. Crap dad.

But it means we get Kai with Tiny Child! First Damon with Tiny Child and now Kai? The only thing that would make this better would be if The Doctor showed up and held a baby. Kai is not very steady on skates. Tiny Child is pretty good. He even gets video of her being pretty good. DAWWWWWW.

Trakena wants a social life. I can't blame her. I wouldn't want to be stuck inside a big flying bug ship for eternity either. How boring. They are still looking for the Fish of Orion. Somehow it is buried in the soil of the ship. I DON'T WANT TO GO INTO THIS NOW.

So back to Tiny Child and Kai. Kai spies a pretty lady with the camera. He focuses more on her than Tiny Child and is adorably awkward on skates. He kind of fails at this babysitting thing. Plus I'm totally not buying the crush-on-a-girl thing. But he's cute, so I'll forgive it. He gets distracted by his communicator and goes over a wall. It's also cute! He has to ask Pretty Lady to watch Jody, since he has super secret ranger things to do.

There is bug/ranger fighting and it's boring. I really just want to get back to Awkward Kai and Tiny Child at the skating rink. Bug Monster Thing put stuff in the soil and then ran away. Kai rushes back to the skating rink, not paying attention to the soil. He then LIES to Jody and ignores her while watching the girl and enters ballet dream sequence. Really? BALLET DREAM SEQUENCE, KAI?. Kai, you FAIL.

Later, Jody hangs out with the other rangers to watch her video. Everyone is excited and complimentary until Kai starts filming the pretty girl and ignoring Jody. Poor Jody. He then makes really bad pancakes. Everybody knows it's because of the girl. Kai is totally letting down his Inappropriately Young Friend. Bad Kai, no cookie. The Commander comes to pick up Jody and again, worst father ever.

Kendrix tells Kai all about Hannah, the girl, and then dashes all hope by telling him it's a big colony and he'll never see her again. Really? It's not that big. And then he totally sees her and makes a jackass of himself with mustard and a water fountain. She thinks it's cute though. She doesn't know he's got a boyfriend already, poor thing.

Meanwhile, Big Bad calls forth the things that got put in the soil earlier. It causes earthquakes. EARTHQUAKES. ON A SPACE STATION. *sigh* Rangers attack. Stingwingers attack. It's boring. Kai is totally dragging Hannah away when she sees a guy in a car and starts screaming for him, then explains something about the wedding and a dress, and Kai goes to rescue the guy. And he manages to save the dress. Because he's Kai and he's a badass, even in the face of exploding cars and impending heartache. OH HIS LITTLE FACE WHEN HE HANDS HER THE DRESS. DEAR G-D IN HEAVEN ARCHIE KAO JUST BROKE MY HEART WITH THAT EXPRESSION. I just want to bake him cookies, pet his hair, and tell him everything will be okay.

Then he goes and does Badass things to the bad guy. Because Kai is super awesome. They totally win because of him. Because he's Kai. Big Bad Bug Guy isn't happy and his henchman escapes, because Big Bad Bug Guy was totally about to blow him up. Henchman finds the Fish of Orion.

On the ship, Kai has a sad and won't eat. Damon is upset because Kai is the only one who can cook. Damon is full of hilarious quips and DAMON I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE WITH EACH PASSING EPISODE. Inappropriately Young Friend Jody knows Kai has a sad and brings him a present from Hannah. Because she is Tiny and Adorable. Kai discovers Hannah was a beautiful bridesmaid at her sister's wedding and Kai is no longer sad, because he has cake! DAW.

4.5 fish. Kai having a sad is the only thing keeping it from being 5 fish, and that's only because Archie Kao is great at the facial expressions.

Episode 298- Homesick

Today on Power Rangers, I get to use the inappropriately young friends tag again! I love that tag.

So we start off with what looks sinister. There is somebody hiding and watching people. Mind, this view of the camera is at adult head height. Sneaky Person wears gloves and breaks into the empty control center of the ship. S/he manages to stop the engines. Systems have been jammed. This person is really good AND Terra Venture's security SUCKS. Kai and a group of Starship Troopers can't seem to get in. Damon, however, proves how awesome he is and opens the door in two seconds. Inside they find a Small Ginger Child. Who managed to avoid security, break into what should have been a heavily guarded room, hack into the ships systems, lock everybody out, and turn off the engines. Quick, somebody get this kid a job STAT.

Dirty Small Child is in for questioning. Ship Commander Whatshisname is surprised. Who wouldn't be? This kid isn't Justin. But maybe he'll be a future ranger with Silvy and Fred. Dirty Small Child is snotty and uncooperative and also apparently named Matthew. Damon tries to make a connection and points out the kid probably doesn't have identity cards. Kid totally talks to Damon. Because Damon is THE BEST. He admits to Damon that he was a stowaway and he just wants to go home.

His mother gets on communications and is very worried. She's upset, and who can blame her? Her son has been missing for quite a long time now and she finally finds out it's because he snuck on board a ship to go to space? Yeah, I'd be pissed, too. She points out she'll never see him again. My heart? Just broke into a million little pieces.

Damon takes Matthew, now clean and adorably ginger, out in the field to teach him how to do Useful Things on the station. He bonds over missing his family. They handle dangerous chemicals. Damon is the best big brother. It's adorable. But then Damon has to leave Matthew to deal with dangerous chemicals because a monster is attacking.

Gas is knocking everybody out and Matthew proves to be smarter than all the adults, because he not only runs away from it, but manages to hide and figure out what's going on with the monsters. His suit rips (not much use if they tear THAT easily), but he is brave and continues to try to get to both safety and a position to help. Clearly he will be a future power ranger.

He locks himself in the control room, stops the elevator with the monster, sounds the alarm, and then finally succumbs to the gas and passes out. Seriously, why is this kid not in charge of ALL the things?

Alpha tells the rangers how to get to the command tower so they can go help Matthew, because he and DECA have built little tiny space ships. Because they are awesome. There is a nonsensical space battle and somehow the rangers make it back into the city. I'm going to pretend there is some kind of easily accessible bubble or something. Everybody is knocked out, except the rangers, and Damon manages to get a few words out of Matthew... who is somehow less unconscious than everybody else.

Fugly Zords come out and they are not affected by the gas? They suck it up and manage to clean the air? Then they turn to stone and there are explosions and then they're more powerful? I... don't understand this part. The Sentai splicing is really bad. Somehow they go from living creatures to slightly less odd looking mechanical zords. Whatever. They're still ugly. And the dimensions make no sense when they form the Megazord.

Everyone saved now, the Commander gives a medal to Matthew. Who is smarter than all of them. He's sad and still misses his mom, which makes me want to bake him cookies. He goes off to do more Useful Work when the Power Rangers show up to congratulate him and call him a hero. They take him home. HOME! The Rangers take him back to Earth! Because they are awesome.

If he were my kid, I'd hang the medal on the wall and then ground him for a year.

2 fish. This was a good episode! The zords are... special... but I liked Future Ranger Matthew.

Episode 288 - Mission to Secret City

So, the Rangers get some sort of weird readings in the warehouse district, so Andros, TJ, and Cassie go down to investigate. Turns out the Psychos are all ghosts, so they're giving off weird readings, but they're passing right through the rangers. Ghost psychos are good! They should fight the Gobusters when that gets adapted. Please, Saban, please.

Carlos is hanging out with future Ranger Silvy, because we need an inappropriately young friend, and Ashley a) feeds Andros, and b) teaches him to use chopsticks. The others are trying so hard not to laugh. If I didn't dislike Andros/Ashley so much, I would find that adorable. Instead, I will coo at how adorable Carlos is with Silvy, because awwww.

Meanwhile, monster shows up, and starts making people vanish. Bulk tries to threaten him with a toaster (he thinks it's a raygun, okay?) but he gets vanished, along with Carlos, Andros and Silvy. The other Rangers fight the monster, and somehow their suits block his rays or whatever. He heads out, leaving them to go back to the ship and try and figure out what to do.

In alternate dimension land, we get a gratuitous shot of Carlos' ass. I approve. Carlos is so concerned about future Ranger, Silvy! Awwww. Ecliptor and the Quantrons show up and start rounding people up. Carlos and Andros try to morph, but they discover that their powers are useless. Without their morphers, Carlos and Andros get beaten up. (And Andros gets separated from his morpher, which Silvy picks up, because she's smart.)

ALSO, IS THAT CHAINS ON CARLOS'S WRISTS? THIS IS ESSENTIAL TO POINT OUT.

Silvy hands the morpher over to Carlos and is all "yeah, your friend dropped something, and also, I totally figured out he was a Ranger. Because I am the smartest." How much do I love Silvy? SO MUCH.

Meanwhile, the girls and TJ plan to get taken, and they have some sort of special packs which lets them bring in their weapons, but I am slightly distracted because QR and I are horrible and want fic where Silvy grows up to hit on Carlos repeatedly. He is nice and turns her down, so then she has a threesome with Justin and Fred Kelman instead.

Cassie uses the tech that they've brought in to figure out what's jamming the signal, and then we get some more unmorphed fighting. Andros, Carlos and Silvy sneak off, and Silvy promises Andros that she'll keep her mouth shut. Seriously, stop worrying, she already knows about Carlos.

Silvy suggests Andros use a different button on his morpher, but he says it's too dangerous, and instead uses regular mode, which allows him to break the chains on his and Carlos's wrists. I am sad about this. Carlos then gets blasted by a monster, and Andros presses the button again, and his fist glows red. While the fight is going on, TJ and Cassie (and Cassie's glasses are adorable) are disabling the device, but then they nearly get thrown off a building. But TJ is great and he blows that shit up even while they're dangling off the side.

Silvy watches the fight, and since she is the smartest, she hits the button that on Andros's morpher that he said was too dangerous, which gets him the fugly super-muscled battlizer mode (with wings). SILVY IS GREAT AND KNOWS MORE ABOUT THE POWER THEN ANDROS DOES. Andros flies to catch TJ and Cassie, who are like "what." Ashley looks at him and is like "hot." Ashley, honey, I don't even know.

Andros' new toy comes with a shield and some missiles and I'm sure all the tiny children want to buy it or whatever, and since TJ blew stuff up, the others can morph anyway and fight. Andros plays with some more new toys and he fights him from the air, and then blows him up.
Andros thanks Silvy for being great, and she's so smug and adorable. Then the monster grows, and the bigger toys come out to play, and I really am out of interesting ways to describe a zord fight. Toy comes down and kicks the monster a little, and then the monster gets knocked down. Then they blast the monster and then shoot a missile at it. Seriously, that was boring just to type.

Once they beat the monster, Astronema sends them back to their own reality, and Carlos is concerned because SILVY IS STILL THERE. And OH NOES. Because SILVY. She is GREAT. But they shouldn't worry, because Silvy, Bulk and Skull are all in the secret city, and they can handle anything.

Episode 282 - Carlos on Call

Psycho Rangers! Epic storyline is epic, yes?

So, previously: Astronema is HBIC with the best plans ever, the Psycho Rangers are terrifying and awesome and kicked the Rangers' butts, and palm pilots are the height of technology or something.

We start off at the Surf Spot, where Carlos and his very nice arms are playing video games. A tiny child watches him. Her mom says hi to Carlos, and apparently she was one of Carlos's teacher. Carlos hangs out with the tiny child while the mom goes to get soda, and she (Silvy) totally creams him in videogames.

Carlos's communicator goes off, and he can't find a place to answer it, so for SOME INSANE REASON he goes into a photobooth and morphs THERE and even though there was NO MONEY IN THE BOOTH, it takes a picture anyway.

SO MANY POINTS for a Ranger finally having a hard time finding a place to morph. SO MANY POINTS.

So apparently the camera went off EXACTLY while Carlos was morphing, and Silvy takes the photos. DUN DUN DUN.

The Rangers battle some monster, and then Andros shoots it and it runs away. Astronema of Borg watches the battle and it turns out that the monster was busy just scanning the Rangers for weaknesses. Astronema lectures the Psychos for underestimating the Rangers strength, but Psycho Yellow is all "nope, you underestimate us."

Carlos gets email from someone saying they know he's the Black Ranger. He assumes its from the Psycho, which is a pretty good guess. Silvy shows up there and is all adorably "What's up? You're slow. I totally know who you are." Then she shows him the picture and Carlos is all FML.

She makes him buy her a ton of shit, and I want her to grow up to be a Power Ranger SO BADLY. She also makes him play a ton of stuff with her. Then she hands him a pager and is all "You'll do what I tell you" and threatens to tell everyone in the park.

Up on the Megaship, everyone is all "you need to put your foot down" but... she has blackmail material. So he goes with her to the carnival. It's a good thing Carlos is honorable and doesn't just STEAL THE PHOTOS BACK. If this took place a few years later, nobody would ever believe her due to photoshop.

She tells him she wants a moon rock, which SHOULDN'T BE THAT HARD FOR YOU, CARLOS, but instead he throws a complete hissy fit. I'm definitely not saying blackmail is right, but this is within your power and it would make her stop and she's 10.

Ashley tells Carlos that there's something he should know, and takes him to see some doctor, who tells them all about Silvy's family, where apparently she had an older brother who DIED, and they ACTUALLY SAY DIED ON POWER RANGERS. WHAT. A CHILD. TWELVE YEARS OLD. THEY SAY A CHILD DIED. Apparently Silvy and her brother wanted to be astronauts, and they were going to get a moon rock. Carlos flips out and immediately goes to get a moon rock, and Silvy pages them because a monster has shown up.

YOU GUYS, THIS SHOW USED DIED. I DON'T EVEN KNOW. POWER RANGERS, FOR REAL. Also, Silvy is the smartest, and I still want her to be a Power Ranger.

The Rangers all show up and fight the monster and it grows so they shoot it some more. That's pretty great. Then they get the other Zords to come fight and blow up the monster.

Astronema is annoyed because the Psychos are going after the Rangers, and she doesn't want them to destroy the Rangers until SHE wants them to. But Psycho Red grabs Silvy and there's a pretty great fight scene of Rangers vs Psycho Red. (Silvy watches from behind the tree, and is pretty great). Psycho Red is about to kill Andros, but Psycho Black shows up to attack Psycho Red because he wants to be the leader. Good thing too.

Astronema is pissed at the Psychos for letting their dick swinging contest get in the way of her plan. Her new plan is to have them attack one Ranger at a time, with pink going first.

Carlos walks Silvy home, and she gives him the photos back. She apologies, and is a very smart child. They agree to be friends (and one day she asks him for advice when she's the black ranger) and he gives her a moon rock. THEN he gives her a ride in space. CUTEST EVER.

HOW DOES SHE BREATHE IN SPACE, WHAT.

Silvy says she doesn't want to be an astronaut anymore, she wants to be a Power Ranger. I APPROVE, TINY CHILD.

Fish: 3. So seriously, how does she breathe in space? And why did the photobooth go off with no money in it?

Fic we want: can we get an entire episode of Carlos just holding babies and hugging tiny children or something?

Episode 268 - True Blue to the Rescue

Awww, Justin has grown on me SO MUCH since we first started doing this. *pinches his cheeks* To the point that I'm actually excited that Justin is going to be in this episode and actually requested to be the one recapping it!

Aww, it's the Turbo cars! And they are... chained up and being whipped. This is disturbing. Poor vaguely sentient not!transformers! You escape your chains! Or at least Storm Blaster, you escape, since poor Lightning Cruiser does not.

So then we cut to Divatox calling Astronema, who is all "so I lost this little Storm Blaster" thing, and we see a "special guest appearance by Blake Foster!" which yay! Oh right, and Divatox and Astronema are arguing about catching Storm Blaster first, but more importantly we get Divatox mocking Astronema, which is hilarious and awesome.

The Rangers are all excited to see Storm Blaster being chased, except for Andros who is all "WTF, it's a car." That is a valid opinion, Andros. The team morphs and comes to Storm Blaster's aid, and TJ is all "HIIIIIIIII, I'm wearing Blue now! So you're my car!" The team gets caught, and Storm Blaster drives off again.

We cut to Justin! Who still has really bad hair. His dad is telling him to go to bed, but Justin is busy wishing on a star that his friends are ok, and we get a bunch of flashbacks to Turbo, including one of the episode where Justin should have joined the Avengers.

Justin's dad is all "Yeah, I know we had plans, but I'm going to work" and Justin is all "WTF, I gave up Rangering for this? You fail!" Justin hears Storm Blaster outside, and immediately sneaks out of the house.

Justin asks how Lightning Cruiser is, and Justin's car is all "GET IN NOW" and Justin barely hesitates before getting in. There's an ET ripoff scene, and then we cut back to the Rangers being all chained off in the warehouse again. This is of course where Justin and Storm Blaster are going to, and Justin sees that they're all chained up, but he has no powers, oh no! He gets attacked by Quantrons, and manages to fight them off without the monsters inside noticing.

Somehow, Justin gets back into Storm Blaster, and Storm Blaster hands over a new version of his morpher. Um. Where did that come from? And why don't we actually get to see him morph? But he shows up anyway, and is all "you forgot one small thing. Of course, I'm not so small right now." And I'm sticking by the theory of baby!Justin turning into SUPER HOT ADULT BLAKE FOSTER when he morphs, so yaaaay.

There's a pretty decent fight scene or whatever, and Justin is all "WHO IS WEARING MY COLOR????" but he's pretty cool with it once he figures out it's TJ. Really, TJ, you didn't call him once?? It would be one thing if this was like the first episode or whatever, but um, this is midway through the season.

Storm Blaster and the blues shoot at the monster, which gets knocked back. The monster grows, and Justin is all "Okay, so I'm done now, have fun!" TJ is all "You will LOVE the new toys" and we get a fight scene.

Storm Blaster honks at them some more, and they go off to rescue Lightning Cruiser, and the others show off their galaxy gliders. They offer to show Justin, but he's all "I have a car. HA."

There's another fight scene where they beat up some Pirahnatrons and rescue Lightning Cruiser. Justin is all "I'm worried about you guys! (and I miss you)" and the team is all "we loooove you" and they do the once a ranger thing before remembering to introduce him to Andros, who is from the space colonies. Exactly when did Earth colonize space?

Justin (who has saved the day in his pajamas, because he is awesome) is all "so if you need me, call."

Back in Angel Grove, his dad sees a father and son bonding, and decides that maybe he should spend time with his kid. Justin manages to sneak in just before he does, and they decide to go fishing. Considering Justin was out all night, he's going to be REALLY tired.

Also, still the worst dad ever.

Fish: 2.5. So um, where did the spare Turbo morpher come from? Can Justin still morph later on? Does he get to keep Storm Blaster? These are important questions that must be answered!

Episode 259- The Craterite Invasion

This whole recap is one big link to Star Trek. Just fair warning.

It's the Boy Who Cried Wolf episode! I wondered when we'd get one of those.

Patrick is a Tiny Child who tells tall tales. He lives in the only apartment complex in all of Angel Grove. This is making me RAAAGGGGGEEEEE. Because Patrick is black and all the white kids we see live in super nice houses. FAIL SHOW. We also never see nor hear mention of a father. FAIL AGAIN SHOW. And his mother clearly works long hours and he's a latchkey kid. FAIL HARDER SHOW, I DARE YOU.

On the MegaShip, the rangers are training! On the holodeck! I love that they train. Good for them, staying on top form! Unfortunately, there is a space wave that causes some major computer malfunctions. It even screws up the holodeck simudeck. The craterites they were training with are suddenly real and can leave the simudeck. They jump off the ship and parachute down to Earth. With big swirly white parachutes. The craterites are fabulously horribly PINK. And I HATE pink. Especially Pepto Pink, which is what these are. Gives me heartburn just watching.

Patrick sees them and hides under his blanket. In the morning his mother has made his lunch and must rush off to work, so neighbor lady will take him to school. At least we're getting to see a parent? She does seem like a good mom, which is two times as awesome as this show usually is.

Patrick gets himself ready and knocks on the door, but neighbor lady doesn't answer. Patrick looks in the window and sees a craterite family. He runs out and everywhere he goes he sees more craterites. He tries to go tell the police officer, who doesn't believe him, because Copper is a craterite too! Patrick is the only one who can see them for what they are apparently. Of course nobody believes him and Tiny Child has a Sad that could rival Andros.

Meanwhile the Professor and Bulk and Skull are trying to track down all the aliens. They are kind of failing. Cassie and Carlos aren't having much more luck even though THEY ARE SURROUNDED BY THEM. Cassie and Carlos try to find out what's wrong with Patrick and His Sad, so they walk him home. What happened to school? He asks if they'll come in, but they have stuff to do, and Carlos reassures him with the Power Rangers looking out for him. Patrick totally doesn't believe him. I DO NOT BLAME YOU, PATRICK.

Ashley finds a construction worker tied up in a van. She calls TJ and Andros and they figure out all the workers are craterites. They are holograms with personality! It's only then they figure out they've all taken human form. YOU THINK? THEY ARE HOLOGRAMS. THEY CAN TAKE ANY FORM THEY WANT. There is a fight and it is boring and we spend most of it talking about how this episode is just an excuse to link to ALL the Star Trek (did you know TOS, TNG, Voyager, and Enterprise are streaming on Netflix? You do now. Now go watch some).

The rangers figure out Patrick really was telling the truth and rushes to his aid. They get him out of the apartment only to be attacked by more craterites. Luckily his mother drives up in their minivan and ushers him inside to drive him to safety. And then, somehow, Andros and Cassie mysteriously end up in a forest. The others manage to save them with some spiral sword thingy. It's supposed to send the craterites back into their holodeck program, but it doesn't work. It just makes them turn into one really big craterite and they have to call the Astro MegaZord. DO NOT ASK. I DO NOT KNOW EITHER. They manage to take it apart like Santa does to Oogie Boogie. However, while Oogie Boogie is made of bugs, the craterites are made of FISH. Entirely of fish. It's the only explanation.

Back at the Surf Spot, Bulk and Skull use the SPACE ALIEN STRIPPER to turn the aliens back into humans. Except all it does is take off their clothes and leave them in their underwear. Everyone laughs. Oh show. SPACE ALIEN STRIPPER! SERIOUSLY SHOW! We want fic of this now... Zhane hires one. And then Andros hires one because it's tradition okay? AND THERE IS LOTS OF STRIPPING AND IT'S FUN.

3.5 fish. Because science doesn't work that way, Pepto Pink is gross, and... giant craterite what the hell???

Fic we want: Space. Alien. STRIPPER. 'Nough said.

Episode 240- Spirit of the Woods

Today on Power Rangers, creepy child is creepy, TJ has a mental breakdown, and nothing makes sense.

So we start with dramatic music and a nature woodland scene. This is ruined by a red jeep carelessly running over flowers while the teenagers toss trash over the side. A mysterious little boy watches from behind a tree, then the wind blows and leaves spell Go Away on the windshield. The teens drive off. The little boy vanishes and then reappears further down the path. GEE. I WONDER WHAT HE COULD BE. *eyeroll*

At the Youth Center, Lt. Stone is amazed that TJ is up so early. TJ apparently has to go for a run and wanted some sort of power smoothie or whatever, so Lt. Stone showed up at the Juice Bar to make him one. So... he opened up just for TJ? He totally knows TJ is the Red Ranger. There is literally NO other explanation that would make sense.

TJ runs through the forest and meets Creepy Spirit Child, who is apparently called Erutan. TJ does not question the odd name, but does ask if he can find his way home and then says it was nice to meet him. Creepy Spirit Child vanishes while TJ's back is turned. Then a piece of trash follows TJ through the woods and turns into one of Divatox's monsters. Lots of newspapers suddenly fly at TJ. Really, newspapers make up such a small portion of trash, you'd think they'd have something like rotten food or empty cans or plastic being thrown at him. But that would be gross and realistic, and we can't have realistic on Power Rangers! So it's newspapers.

Creepy Spirit Child watches TJ morph and jumps out to help fight. He uses his spirit powers to get rid of the monster. TJ is sure he's going to be hurt, but TJ apparently doesn't realize he's a Creepy Spirit Child. The others come running up and TJ explains what happened.

Apparently the monster is called Garbage Disposal. Which... doesn't actually make sense since you use a garbage disposal to get RID of garbage, not make more of it.

In school (hey, they remembered these kids still go to school! I'm shocked), TJ is distracted. He writes out ERUTAN and somehow manages to figure out, almost immediately, that's it's just Nature all mixed up. TJ then sees Creepy Spirit Child outside the school watching him creepily. Apparently Erutan is now obsessed with TJ. He's even wearing red. The Woods apparently want to thank TJ for helping them? I... whatever. Erutan is apparently sometimes the spirit of the woods, and sometimes the spirit of the water. He admits to making the wind that got rid of the monster. He's... creepy and weird.

The dialogue is worse than usual. The effects are worse than usual. Selwyn is trying really really hard, but even he can't make this episode good.

Bulk and Skull did find another job they're good at! They deliver newspapers and manage to get them all right where the people want them... right down to the paper landing in one guys hand as he drinks his coffee. They are so good, for 2 weeks, that their boss fires them. Apparently they deliver the paper early and haven't charged anybody. Uh... so make them ask for money, but keep them employed! They were awesome!

Back in the woods, TJ is once again being followed by Erutan. They agree to fight together to get rid of Divatox's monsters. They manage to catch the kid in a net. THE KID CAN DISAPPEAR! HOW IS THE NET GOING TO STOP HIM?!?!?!?! So Creepy Spirit Child just kind of hangs out in the net while TJ morphs and fights, and then he calls for the others, and they all fight. The only explanation we can come up with is that he's trapped in a Fish Net and, therefore, couldn't get out. Also, apparently nobody else can see Erutan.

I do wonder why the Spirit of the Forest (in California no less) is a blonde haired little white boy. I could see the spirit of the forests in Norway being a blonde haired little white boy... but California? But then we find out why (or at least the only explanation that I'm willing to accept... because he shouldn't be a white kid here). He can make thunder and lightning! He's not the spirit of the forest after all. HE'S BABY THOR!!!! Except that totally drains him and TJ sends the others to call the zords and fight the big monster while he helps Baby Thor. They still can't see him. They totally think he's having a mental breakdown. But it is testament to TJ's great ability as a leader, because THEY DO IT ANYWAY.

They fight. TJ gets Baby Thor to safety. They win quickly and go find TJ. He's worried because Baby Thor is vanishing slowly before his eyes and wants to help, but there isn't anything TJ can do. Erutan says goodbye, assuring TJ he'll be find as long as people like him protect the woods. And then he vanishes. TJ knows it will be okay because next morning on his run he sees a deer. Uh... k?

5 fish. Because it made no sense and I shouldn't have to go to other universes and canon to explain the (hopefully accidental) race issues.

Fic we want: TJ actually having a breakdown in this episode.

Episode 227 - Trouble by the Slice

I am so glad I ordered pizza last night, because seriously, now I am totally craving pizza. Luckily, I have leftovers. (Also, when we recap Jungle Fury, there will be all the pizza.)

Anyway, I know this episode has a bad reputation, but this is so ridiculously delightful. Amnesiac!Divatox for the win. Seriously, I would watch an entire series of Divatox and Rita running a pizza place. They can compete with RJ! It would be amazing.

Also, EVIL PIZZA. There is nothing not to like here.

So we begin with Porto having invented some sort of new teleportation device. Divatox thinks this is great, but also gets totally annoyed (as you do) and turns a Pirahnatron into a donkey. This is amazing, and we briefly wonder why she never does this to the Rangers, but then we guess it only works on fish. Divatox decides that the device needs more power, so she turns it to eleven, but apparently she took lessons from the Stormtroopers, and misses, the device ricochets and hits her, and she ends up in the middle of Angel Grove with amnesia. I've mentioned before how much I love amnesia as a plot device. I even love the Full House series finale, okay?

Meanwhile, Carlos is apparently having difficulties with dating Ashley, and he's complaining about it to Justin. Justin is not very sympathetic, because he is clearly not at all interested in girls, and instead is paying attention to a soccer player named Nico. Carlos and Justin are invited to play, and Justin is nervous because he's never played before, and he doesn't want to make a fool out of himself in front of Nico. But he plays anyway.

Amnesiac!Divatox is amazing. Somehow, the citizens of Angel Grove don't run screaming from the sight of her, and instead she wanders into a pizza place, where she eats a slice of pizza, and is stuck having to work it off. (Also, Bulk and Skull are the pizza delivery guys. They are seriously bad at this.) Divatox's transformation into bitchy waitress is hilarious and seriously, a whole show of Divatox and Rita running a pizza place. I want this. She's awful at it, doing a hilarious combination of truck stop waitress and grumpy diner waitress. Also, she keeps eating the pizza. There's a poor other terrified girl working with her.

Carlos and Justin and the rest of their new friends (inappropriately young for Carlos, but since he has Justin around I guess not as creepy) come in and order a pizza, and they get 2 pies and 3 pitchers for $15. WE ARE SO OLD. The pizza I ordered last night was $12 just for one pie! There's a whole scene of wacky we just keep missing each other hijinks. I'm not going to lie, I was amused.

Porto comes in (in drag, and the worst disguise ever) and sees Divatox (because apparently they order pizza a lot, are we sure the Turtles crossover isn't until next season?) and Divatox gets her memory back (after commenting on the ridiculousness of the disguise) and they send a pizza monster to attack the Rangers.

EVIL PIZZAS THAT POSSESS THE CARS. This is glorious. Also, pizza related puns! Anyway, the Rangers get stuck in an oven (... that is covered in kanji) and frankly, we would both totally order power rangers pizza. (Although not if it was made with real power rangers.) The scene is pretty much ruined with the arrival of the Blue Senturian who rescues them, and then the Rangers are pretty much useless for the rest of the episode, although they do get to show off their new toy before zords are summoned.

Divatox uses her teleporter again, and transports Elgar into the lake. Sadly, it doesn't kill him.

Fish: 4. But only because they really should have been crispified in the oven.

Fic we want: ... Do you have to ask?

Episode 221- Honey, I Shrunk the Rangers Part 1

Today on Power Rangers: The worst cliffhanger EVER!

So apparently this was the two parter that aired at the break for summer. Part 1 aired in May. The show went on hiatus until September when part 2 aired. I don't remember watching this first run, but if this was my teaser to come back and see what happens next? I totally wouldn't have bothered.

So Angel Grove is apparently very, very, VERY dirty. The city is hosting a Clean Up Day to pick up all the litter, which feels very familiar. Piranhatrons attack. Small Children cling to Adam in fear. The Blue Senturion rescues them, only to later be attacked by a fly-sized fly monster that wreaks havoc on his systems. Meanwhile, Chimp!Bulk and Skull steal Lt. Stone's car and Justin chases after it, with Lt. Stone following behind in a little girl's bike (who charged him $50 to borrow it).

Tanya is the first to figure out the fly is bugging the Blue Senturion. They get the fly out and he goes back to normal. The fly manages to shrink them all, which has totally happened before, and it was way better then, and they get captured by Elgar. He gives the Tiny!Rangers to Divatox in a silver and black gift box. And THIS is the cliffhanger. *is bored now*

The most interesting thing about this episode is the discussion TSB and I had about how sad it is we don't see Raymond anymore. We really liked Raymond! We figure it's summer so he's either off at some Jewish day camp or the Super Awesome Genius camp. Or maybe he just started college early. Either way, we miss Raymond!

4 fish. It really says something when the most interesting thing about an episode is what DIDN'T happen in it.

Episode 217 - Alarmed and Dangerous

Everything about this episode is bad and wrong. BAD AND WRONG!

So it starts out with Kat, apparently student teaching (NOT POSSIBLE), handing out a test to Justin and a bunch of kids who are definitely NOT freshmen in high school. TSB feels this is summer school.

Two big guys try to get Justin to show them his test. He won't cheat. They get very loud and blatant about the desire to cheat and Ms. Applebee boots them AND Justin out of the classroom. Oh Ms. Applebee, we love you, but do not punish the kid for saying "No". They must wait in the hallway until the test is over. Bully-With-Bad-Hair gets fresh and uses Justin's shirt to slide him up the wall. Bully-With-Great-Teeth mocks.

And then there is a fire alarm! Clearly pulled by the bullies. The firemen give the "False alarms keep us from real fires!" lesson and this is really not the episode for that, show. This is supposed to be the bully episode. Do not confuse your Very Special Episode messages, mkay?

At the Youth Center, Adam and Tanya are training. Tommy is beating the shit out of a punching bag. TANYA ACTUALLY PAYS FOR SOMETHING! That's two episodes in a row! The fire alarm goes off and Lt. Stone lets everybody stay where they are so he can go check it out. Then another alarm goes off at the school. Ms. Applebee sends everybody home until they can figure out what's going on with the alarm. Meanwhile, the bullies muss Justin's hair a bit.

Fire alarms are going off around town. The rangers chase them down. Justin tries to talk to Kat about the bullies and says he might fight them. She says that's a bad idea. Then they discover it's Piranhatrons setting off the alarms and they rush to the Power Chamber to tell the others. Nobody knows what is going on until Demetria points out how confused they are which is exactly how Divatox wants them to feel. YOU THINK?

So they split up to find the detonator. Justin gets caught in the park by the bullies. Bully-With-Bad-Hair pushes him around and actually kind of hits him a little, and then Justin throws him against a table and climbs over him with his fist up. But he doesn't hit him. Instead he just says he doesn't want to fight and runs off. They chase! Bully-With-Great-Teeth points out that he's fast and they've lost him. Bully-With-Bad-Hair suggests they split up. Justin has climbed a tree and as soon as he's noticed by Bully-With-Bad-Hair, he slips and starts to fall. He teleports out and the branches fall, which the bullies poke up, but don't seem to care that THE KID JUST VANISHED IN FRONT OF THEM.

At the Power Chamber, Kat lectures Justin about using his powers for personal gain. Frankly, I think not killing himself falling out of a tree justifies the use of the powers. He mentions the bullies and instead of being HELPFUL, Kat tells him he's smart enough to figure it out on his own. THIS IS NOT HOW BULLIES WORK. ANYWAY.

They find the detonator on a fire truck. Instead of making things go explode-y, it turns the truck into a monster. Which the rangers ride downtown and let it destroy a couple buildings. Then they blow it up and the firemen are safe. I... don't get this part. Whatever.

HERE IS WHERE IT GETS REALLY REALLY BAD AND HORRIBLY HORRIBLY WRONG.
Justin comes across Bully-With-Bad-Hair in the hallway of the school. BWBH taunts him about running home to Mommy and Daddy, to which Justin replies that he doesn't live with his parents right now. Bully-With-Bad-Hair hasn't seen his father in 2 years. He's a bully because he doesn't have a dad? Really show, you went there? Not having a dad (or mom) does not a bully make. *grrr* (and let's not even get into how Bully-With-Great-Teeth just vanished from existence in this show... what's his story?)

AND THEN! And then they sit down all melancholy and Justin offers to tutor Bully-With-Bad-Hair so he doesn't have to cheat any longer. BWBH says he basically forgives Justin for narking on him, since Justin can't lie and apparently the bully wouldn't either. BWBH is amazed Justin would tutor him, and Justin says "what are friends for?" AND REALLY SHOW?!?!??! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE BESTEST FRIENDS FOREVER WITH THE GUY WHO JUST TRIED TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU SORT OF KIND OF HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. THIS IS NOT RIGHT, SHOW. NOT RIGHT AT ALL.

Here's the thing... I was bullied as a kid. Bad. Really bad. Like, permanent damage kind of bad. So I really feel for Justin this episode. But it was written HORRIBLY. It does not have the best moral ending. It does not actually DEAL with the bullying and instead merely brushes the LET ME KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU BECAUSE I'M BIGGER HAR HAR HAR aside. I do not like this, not one tiny little bit.

5 fish. It just... made no sense. AND IS ALL THE BAD AND WRONG.

Episode 214- The Whole Lie

Is there a good episode of Turbo? I mean, a really good episode? I'm beginning to doubt it.

So there's a car wash. They're trying to raise money to support the Angel Grove baseball team. Hey, it's a sport that isn't martial arts! In Angel Grove! No wonder they need a fundraiser. Justin spies something odd and goes to investigate. He finds Porto, who gives him the best nickname ever that we shall use forever and ever. He calls him the Littlest Ranger and zaps him with some kind of ray gun that forces him to tell lies.

Kat, clearly needing a book on free range parenting, gets all worried because the TWELVE YEAR OLD has wandered off on his own. He's 12. He's not 2. He is perfectly capable of being off by himself. She finds him just as Porto is leaving and asks if anything is wrong. Seeing as Justin can't tell the truth, he tells her he's fine and nothing unusual is going on.

When he lies, a piranatron appears. Kat and Justin fight (unmorphed! Yay! I missed those) and then return to the car wash. Justin continues to lie and Kat is worried about him, so she talks to Tanya. This plan would be much better if he was only lying about certain things, not everything. It's really easy to pick out something is wrong when he lies about stuff they KNOW to be true. Divatox seems pleased with the progress of her plan, however, and Elgar is fighting an octopus with really really long tentacles. He's completely wrapped up. She doesn't seem to care.

Concerned, Tanya and Kat take Justin to Demetria. She is... less than helpful. Justin lies again and a single piranatron shows up at the car wash. Adam is there to fight it off, but for some reason he needs to morph. Tanya and Kat go to help him out, just in time for a monster to show up. Justin stays behind. He's concerned about breaking the spell while the others fall under the same spell.

Tommy, meanwhile, is in the racing footage from the first episode and does not respond to his communicator. He is useless... until he decides he really ought to listen and goes to fight, only to fall under the lying spell as well.

Demetria asks Justin a question upon which he answers truthfully and suddenly the spell is broken. He morphs and asks the others a question, which they also answer truthfully and the spell is broken on them as well. So. A spell that makes it impossible for them to tell the truth can only be broken by telling the truth? And somehow they're able to do this without any trouble, without any concentration, without even any trickery involved? That... is the dumbest lie ray ever.

The monster grows, though how Elgar fired the torpedoes while being sucked out the porthole by the long-tentacled octopus is anybody's guess. They fight. They win. It's very boring.

Back at the Youth Center, Justin promises to never ever lie again. It's not like you could help it, kid! Lt. Stone asks Justin, Kat, and Tanya to try a new juice blend smoothie. They taste it, but it's vile. Lt. Stone asks Justin's opinion, being sure to spell out that he knows Justin would never lie to him, and so Justin tells him it's bad. The others agree. He blames the chimpanzees who then manage to cover him in smoothie. Justin once again reiterates how bad it is to lie, and how people really do want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth at all times. I think we get the point, show.

4 fish. 4 really old sat-out-in-the-sun fish. Ew.

Covered in food: Lt. Stone in juice blend/smoothie.

Episode 213 - Bicycle Built for the Blues

Oh hey! It's Justin's birthday! We.... should have delayed this episode, but both of us have blocked out forgotten most of Turbo, or else we would totally have watched this next week.

The Rangers are plotting a surprise party for Justin, and I'm going to use this as an excuse to rant about how much I hate surprise parties. Mostly the ones that have the "and we're going to pretend all day that nothing special is going on" variety, but I guess they haven't learned anything from Zack's surprise party so long ago.

Divatox figures she'll give Justin a special gift too, and sends a bike that turns into a detonator that will explode after he bikes 25 miles. Justin (who is sad because the Rangers are all ignoring him/won't let him into the garage) assumes the bike is from his dad, and is apparently superglued to it instantly or something because he doesn't stop peddling/jump off the bike/crash into a tree like he should.

After all the Rangers leave the party set up because Dimitria actually noticed something was going on (SHOCKING) monkey!Bulk and Skull throw their own party, complete with a "Hey, hey, we're the monkees!" joke. I APPROVE.

While Tommy chases around the MOTW (named Big Burpa. Seriously) Adam, Kat and Tanya just stand there. Then they join in and chase after it some more. Then there's some more chase scenes. Justin still fails to crash into a tree. Oh, and the bike floats. When they suggest Justin stop peddling, he acts like he never thought of that, but yeah, he can't due to magic.

So Tommy summons his ZORD which starts driving and Tommy perches on the car and knocks Justin off the bike. Who was driving the Zord? If Justin was superglued to the bike, wouldn't that have seriously hurt? Who came up with this stupid plot???

They morph and fight the monster and it's really boring. Then everyone heads back to the garage, and aww, Justin's party is happening, and there's actually a bunch of kids! I guess the other people from the shelter? Bulk and Skull give Justin a banana. Justin is still sad, because his dad isn't there.

Except then his dad shows up for the party. And look, we totally understand having a breakdown after losing the wife - that makes sense. But he seems to be fairly recovered now, so why is he still leaving Justin in the shelter?

Justin needs ALL THE HUGS.

(Congrats, Justin, it only took a movie and 8 episodes to win us both over.)

Fish: 3.5 JUST JUMP OFF THE DAMN BIKE.

Episode 211- Rally Ranger

Justin is in a boxcar derby! Justin has angst! I... actually like Justin this episode! Will wonders never cease?

So there is a Tiny!Bully named Warren. He chases Justin off the track in a practice race. I have a thing for boxcar derbys. Just sayin. Justin's car is ruined. It gives him a sad, especially when Evil Warren comes up and taunts him.

Meanwhile, Porto is trying to fix a detonator. Divatox is mean to him, unsurprisingly. Porto, fed up with his evil genius being unappreciated and abused, decides he's going to leave. Good for you, Porto! You have my support.

Back at the garage, Tommy is creepy with little boys. He gives Justin a pep talk that, at that age, would have had me rolling my eyes and crying "You don't know what it's like!". Justin doesn't want to be smart, he doesn't want to be different. He just wants to fit in. I know how you feel, kid. Tommy's talk inspires him and TSB and I decide Justin really really REALLY needs to meet Billy. They'd have a lot to talk about. Billy would totally be a better mentor to him than Tommy. Justin's little boy angst and little boy sad!face make me want to snuggle him and bake him cookies and read him a book on physics.

He gets permission to work on his car all night long and ends up falling asleep in the garage. The rangers are creepy and watching him sleep before he finally wakes up and fakes them out. He makes them think he didn't finish in time, when instead he actually used that massive brain and built a whole new, better car instead. Off to the races! Where Lt. Stone is totally trying to up sell his smoothies. He sounds kind of desperate, actually.

Elgar has managed to use his protective fish shield and fix the detonator Porto was working on before he left. He places it on Evil Warren's car. Meanwhile, Porto is off trying to impress Divatox by blowing up the city. He makes himself grow instead. The rangers are called just as the race is about to start. Look, derby races take all of about a minute. Justin could totally have stayed and completed the race and then joined the others! But no, he has to leave, and Evil Warren calls him a chicken. While wearing black leather and a jaunty ascot. How much do I love that Evil Warren wears a jaunty ascot? A lot. I am filled with glee.

So they go fight Porto. They don't get very far, though, because Elgar pinpoints his location and they call him back to Divatox's ship. He's not terribly happy to go.

Justin gets to go back to the race just in time to see that Elgar's detonator did sort of blow up and sent Evil Warren's boxcar careening out of control. Justin's new boxcar is fast enough that, despite being a few minutes late to the race, can not only pass the others, but get ahead of Evil Warren. He reassures Warren he can slow him down. His plan is actually pretty good! He gets in front of Warren and slowly applies his brake, allowing his car to slow down Warren's car, until they both glide to a gentle stop. Good thinking, Justin!

Evil Warren thanks Justin, apologizes for being a bully, says he was just jealous of Justin's massive intellect, makes moony eyes, and then WINKS AT HIM. Evil Warren is totally boy-crushing on Justin. We decide that in 3 years time they date. But only for a little while, because then Justin meets Fred. ;)

Bulk and Skull, still in chimpanzee form, attempt to get noticed. They manage to spill Lt. Stone's smoothies all over some random pageant lady. She gets mad, dumps a smoothie on Lt. Stone, and everybody laughs. Nobody notices Bulk and Skull are STILL missing. WORST FRIENDS EVER.

2 fish. Good lord, this was a really low fish episode, especially for Turbo!

Episode 209 - Shadow Rangers

This episode started off SO WELL. And then it turned into... well, Turbo. *sob*

So, Justin is helping Tommy work on his car. Justin's shoelace gets caught on the gas peddle. The car's engine blows. Tommy still insists that this isn't Justin's fault. EXCEPT IT TOTALLY IS. Oh, and we find out that someone has been stealing stuff from the garage, so Justin builds a homing beacon that he'll put on something in the hope that it's stolen and will lead them to the thief.

Divatox has a new monster, the Chromite. Chromite appears to be marrying Elgar. Congratulations, may you two live happily ever after SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY. Divatox is going to send the Chromite down to leave a detonator in the construction site.

Adam and Tanya are off on a date walking together (after engaging in some practice to better get their Zords together) when Kat joins them. They promptly get attacked by the Chromite, who steals their morphing energy and creates shadow versions of them! We're actually really excited, because HEY, EVIL RANGERS. It's a thing that we like! The unmorphed fight against themselves is seriously great! Adam gets beaten up a lot! *approves so hard* Of course, then they get captured and thrown in a cave.

Then Justin and Tommy get attacked. Tommy has seen this before, and tries to stop Justin from morphing, but that doesn't work, and Justin gets his power stolen and he's kidnapped. There is a nice fight where fake!Kat and Adam beat up Tommy. I approve.

Now that he's all alone, Tommy goes back to the Power Chamber to get Dimitria's help. Unfortunately, since she's from the planet Inquirus, she can only inquire about things, so she answers all questions in the form of a question. At least she'd be good on jeopardy. BUT SERIOUSLY, she is so annoying. If they wanted to frame it instead as a "you are adults now and need to learn to figure things out yourself" I might not be as annoyed. But really, part of the reason they've always had a mentor/support staff is so that they don't need to do everything themselves, because sometimes they have to be out there fighting while someone else DOES THE IMPORTANT RESEARCH. Instead, Tommy is left to be the science guy (and this is where I start laughing hysterically and wondering if this is what leads to him faking his doctorate) and he discovers that the shadow rangers are made out of light, so if he just makes it dark, everything will be okay.

He fights the shadows and even though it's daylight out he manages to destroy them all. I call bullshit.

Justin has activated the homing beacon, so Tommy goes and rescues everyone else. Then they morph and fight the chromite and summon zords, and wow, this episode sucks.

Turns out that monkey!Bulk and Skull are the thieves. They're now living in the youth center, which is under new management. Ernie's foreign service unit has recalled him (he's going to build a bridge in the amazon or something) and now Lt. Stone is running things. (And hey, isn't anyone WORRIED about Bulk and Skull being missing? WORST FRIENDS EVER.)

So in the last few episodes, we've lost Billy, Jason, Rocky, Zordon, Alpha, human!Bulk and Skull, and Ernie. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US, SHOW?

Fish: 5. EVERYTHING IS BAD AND WRONG.

Episode 207 - Shift Into Turbo - Part 2

Previously on WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS - Bulk and Skull got turned into monkeys, and the Rangers are the worst friends ever. Also, it's time for them to graduate high school in their gender segregated robes.

This is going to be one of those multi-parters where they stretch it out way longer than they need to, isn't it? *checks* YEP.

I'm somehow the one who ends up commenting on theme song & costume changes. So. Theme song - I like it, QR doesn't. It's not quite as great as the original, but it's still catchy. I do miss the go go power rangers, though. :( As for the costumes, even with all of my reservations about this season, it's actually one of my favorite Ranger suit designs. It's a lot better than Zeo, anyway.

Okay, the episode. So, Adam and his awful hair are all concerned about Justin, who has not shown up to graduation. Adam, you've known Justin for 30 seconds, and he has a communicator. Stop it. So instead Adam WALKS OUT OF GRADUATION and then calls Zordon, who tells him that Justin was supposed to call if there's any trouble. Adam still has a bad feeling, so he pulls Kat and Tanya out of the ceremony right before Kat is about to give her valedictorian speech. Principal Caplan is all "... what are you three doing?" but since he totally knows they're Rangers, he lets them go and stalls until Kat can go and give her speech. I totally feel bad for the person who was talking before Kat, since they're totally ignoring her.

The Rangers barely make it into the parking lot, before Divatox shows up herself with some Pirahnatrons and there's an unmorphed fight, and it's GLORIOUS. You know JYB was thinking "THANK GOD. LAST SEASON WAS SO DULL FOR ME" because there's a ton of him showing off, and I am totally NOT complaining, although seriously, his HAIR. Adam volunteers to fight the Pirahnatrons himself, while the girls go and help Justin, and then I was randomly reminded that back in 97 I read a ton of Divatox/Adam, which I personally don't get, but it makes me sad that there is more Divatox/Adam bad and wrong fic than there is Scorpina/Adam bad and wrong fic. *pout*

Zordon calls Tommy for backup so that he can help Adam, and then all five Rangers end up at the power plant. The fight scene ends with the Rangers winning, but the detonator is still ticking. Just as I'm discussing with QR about how stupid it is that they're all looking together and they should split up, Tommy says they should split up, and man, I hate it when he agrees with me. So Adam and Tanya go off together, and so do Tommy and Kat, and Justin is sent to the Power Chamber to retrieve the Turbo Navigator so that they can find stuff.

Up in the Power Chamber, Alpha is all distracted by wormhole opening and is totally confused when Justin shows up. Yes, the wormhole is very important for them, but HI, THERE IS A FIGHT GOING ON. Stop failing so hard, Alpha and Zordon. Justin goes back with the navigator and Zordon summons Lerigot.

The Turbo Navigator finds the detonator, and Tommy plugs it into some car, which lets it explode safely or something.

Back at graduation, Kat delivers her speech and then Caplan pronounces them all graduated. They didn't walk at all! At the Youth Center, we find out Tanya has a summer internship working at a radio station, and Adam is going to be a stuntman at the amusement park.

Lt. Stone has taken charge of monkey!Bulk and Skull, and this ends with him being covered in both banana split and monkey.

Oh, and Divatox knows about the wormhole, and she's determined to prevent Zordon from going back to Eltar. To be continued...

Fish: 4.5. Honestly, if we gave this a 5, we'd have to increase the fish scale to 10!

Episode 206- Shift Into Turbo Part 1

THESE GUYS ARE THE WORST FRIENDS EVER.

We get a new Divatox. She is wearing more clothing than the movie, and she's seeking only to mess with the Rangers, not to attract a man/lava monster/thing, so I like this one better! Elgar is not dead. The fish missed him too much and went into the lava pit to rescue him, apparently. Stupid fish. He is, apparently, still a little crispy. The Piranatron design is much better than the movie, at least.

The Rangers are graduating high school. This means it's the end of the year. Justin is taking a placement test to determine what grade he should be in (apparently he moved around a lot? I don't get it...). At the end of the school year. For some reason they decide they don't need to use his previous school records. Whatever. He finishes the test with an hour to spare and Mrs. Applebee compares his scantron with one of the correct answers, her eyes wide. THAT IS NOT HOW SCANTRONS WORK.

Anyway, here is where they are horrible horrible friends. THEY HAVE NOT TOLD ROCKY ALL OF WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE TURBO POWERS. IT HAS BEEN AN ENTIRE MONTH SINCE THE EVENTS OF THE MOVIE. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO DIVATOX IS, YOU GUYS. Worst. Friends. Ever. They decide to wait for Justin to get there to tell Rocky more about the events from the movie. Y'know, so Rocky can see how very excited his replacement is and all the Super Fun Adventure Times is had without him. Great job, guys! Way to rub it in!

We then get a really long and boring montage of clips from the movie. We could have skipped the movie and recapped that instead. There's an hour and a half of my life gone.

Justin then asks if Rocky is sure he doesn't want his powers back. Rocky is still suffering from his back injury (duh, it's only been a month!) and is fine letting Justin keep them. Adam tells him he'll always be a ranger in spirit. Rocky's response? "That's nice." HAHAHAHHA ROCKY I LOVE YOU.

An aside here. TSB and I love the theory of power addiction. They have a hard time giving up their powers because they are addicted to the power itself, and after it's gone, they always want it back (see: Adam and Tommy, for the best examples). I have head!canon that Rocky is one of the very very few in the history of rangers who really doesn't get addicted. He loves being a ranger, but he's actually okay with handing his powers over, with just stopping. It doesn't bother him. Unlike Adam. ahem

So, back to the episode. Rocky is opening a dojo after graduation instead of going to college. I like this theory! Especially since we know Adam also has a dojo in Angel Grove (thank you, Once a Ranger!). I stand by my theory they run the dojo together. As partners. In ALL respects.

Tommy is skipping graduation. Because he's driving a racecar instead. This... is not how racecars work.

Alpha calls them to the Power Chamber, and they scamper off leaving Rocky on his own. Alpha has a surprise! He's baked them a graduation cake. It has little Power Ranger toppers on it. AWWWWWW. The seniors go off to do graduation stuff and Justin tries to sneak some of the icing from the cake. Alpha won't let him. He calls him Young Man. My heart squishes in delight at the adorableness.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are patrolling an empty parking lot. Lt. Stone comes up and sends them to the power plant. Divatox's ship lands in the lake behind him, but he won't listen to Bulk and Skull try to tell him that. He drives off and Bulk tells Skull they will forget what they saw and not tell anybody. Boys, YOU LIVE IN ANGEL GROVE. That is a VERY BAD idea. They go to the power plant where they meet up with Elgar who is trying to set a bomb. He uses some kind of ray gun to turn them into chimpanzees. BULK AND SKULL ARE CHIMPANZEES FOR AGES AND WE DON'T EVEN GET THE SPIN-OFF SHOW. I am so disappointed. *sadface* Elgar sets the detonator for 60 minutes. An entire hour? Really? That's more than enough time to disarm the darn thing. Oh villains. You suck at being... villain-like.

Bulk and Skull attempt to contact the police on their radios. They just make chimp noises, however, and the other police assume it's kids messing about and TURN OFF THE SCANNER. These police should be FIRED.

Justin decides to go check out what's going on with the chimp noises. He stops by the power plant on his way to graduation and finds Elgar there.

To Be Continued.

4.5 fish. Ugh. Let's just get this season over with.