Episode 152- Along Came a Spider

I hate the Zeo Quest. No, I really really HATE the Zeo Quest. Epic fail, show!

So Billy is hanging out in his garage lab at his house with Cestro and Tideus. Unfortunately, the device he's working on... isn't working. He can't figure out how to get the sub-crystals to come together. Tideus suggests they find a more powerful device and Billy explains that Earth just isn't that far along. NASA and MIT might have one, but there's no use trying them. He suggests asking around Angel Grove University since it has one of the best science programs in the country (and here I burst out laughing because really? Angel Grove's education? MUST be it's own country... only explanation). Billy heads off, but first he gets snarky and winks at them. Oh Billy and your alien fetish.

Baby!Adam has made it to what it supposed to be Korea but... well it's about as much Korea as the last episode was Mexico. Everyone he encounters speaks English. He knows he's in the past and he's where his grandmother was born. He also is seeking some wise man. How he knows this, we don't know. We're assuming the fish are strong with him this episode. Baby!Adam is met with the WORST ASIAN STEREOTYPES EVER and the rest of our encounters with him this episode leave us both in CAPS mode... rather much like the last episode did with the Mexico Fail, and rather like the next three episodes will do.

Under the Command Center, Rito and Goldar are still lost. They try to draw a map on the wall with chalk and end up playing Tic Tac Toe instead. Clearly they learned Global Thermonuclear War was a bad choice. Perhaps they'll try a nice game of chess next? Rito totally outwits Goldar and wins.

Back in CAPSLOCK, Baby!Adam is a horrible little troglodyte to an old man that is trying to help him, even if he speaks in riddles. Baby!Adam is an idiot and cannot figure out that this crazy, yet wise, old man is the man he is seeking, and so he goes around asking other people and telling crazy old guy to go away. Because Baby!Adam is a douche.

Only good thing about it is the crazy old guy keeps calling him Little Frog. Awwwwww.

Billy ends up at Angel Grove University, where he talks to a very attractive young science professor. She is pleased he's taking such an interest in science and is sorry to hear that his high school lab is ill-equipped to help him with his experiment. So she lends him THE UNIVERSITY'S PHASE MODULATOR. Dude, it REALLY doesn't work that way, okay?

So Tideus is whiny and can't wait for water, so he drags Cestro out of Billy's lab and they track water. They find it at a car wash. Somehow they miss all the water in all the pipes in the entire city, and resort to walking through a car wash. *headdesk*

Rita and Zedd send down a monster. Billy comes back to his lab to discover the power out and he's attacked by the monster, except he's in his lab and the footage of the monster is clearly it in a LARGE abandoned warehouse. Splicing FAIL! Billy is encased in spider silk and I suddenly declare him Frodo (Trini is his Samwise, Rocky is totally Pippin, which makes Adam Merry... and maybe we spent a little too much time talking about a PR/LotR AU). The Aquitian Rangers all come back and fight the spider thing. It's very boring.

Meanwhile, Baby!Adam finally figures out that Crazy Old Guy is the wise old man he's seeking. Crazy Old Guy directs him up a very small waterfall, where Baby!Adam reaches into the water and pulls out the green crystal. Really? That's it? That's all he had to do? He talked to a few people, was a butthead, and then reached into a gently flowing small waterfall. Baby!Rocky had to climb into a freaking active VOLCANO and pull his from lava... some quest this is.

So the Aquitian Rangers are fighting, and the monster grows, and they call the zords, and they win. Surprised? I didn't think so.

All the spider silk magically disappears and Billy is free. He ends up at the Command Center, where he hangs out with Baby!Rocky until Baby!Adam shows up. Rocky is excited to see him and proclaims "He shoots, he scores!" and yes, he will score, one day, when you're both grown up. Ahem.

Billy informs them the Aquitian Rangers are at the car wash again. Really? There is such a thing as a FAUCET in Angel Grove, I'm sure. It's this magical thing that drains water from pipes. It's the same water as the car wash, so they really could have just shoved the Aquitians under the showers in Billy's house and it would have the SAME EXACT effect. *bangs head against wall*

Did I mention how much I HATE the Zeo Quest?



Five fish. Just... enough with the stereotypes, okay show? Two down, three to go.

Billy speak: "I can't align the Zeo sub-crystals into a cohesive matrix, so even if we do get all five crystals, we'll never be able to combine their energies."
"Well I've always been interested in crystal energy coherence, but unfortunately the phase modulator at my high school lab wasn't advanced enough for my experiment."

Best line of the episode: Goldar: "I'm thinking!" Rito: "You must find that painful."

Fic we want: LotR/PR AU y/y/mfy?

Episode 148- Climb Every Fountain

Okay, this episode is bad. Really bad. So, to distract me from the bad that is about to come parading our way, we have something Super Mega Awesome to share! It's the Power Rangers Holiday Fic Exchange! It's going to be so much fun, and I highly encourage everybody to take part! You write a power rangers fic, you get a power rangers fic. Awesomesauce! Sign up on dreamwidth here and on livejournal here.

And now I can stall no longer. This episode. Just. FULL of fish. And not just the alien kind.

So we start out with a new opening. I'm pretty stoked the kids get billing next to their unseen adult counterparts. Although Baby!Bulk and Skull do not make it into the credits and the theme song just doesn't quite flow with "Go Go Alien Rangers". It was a good try though.

So we start out with Billy being Super Genius! He's incredibly smart. Cestro gives him instructions for a device to turn them back into their teenage selves, and Billy is all "Yeah, it's cool, I got it." Because he's AWESOME. Even as a tiny child.

Unfortunately, he has to go to school instead of finishing the device. He promises to finish it after school, since Cestro can't because his hands are too big to make the wiring connections. Ahem. Why Billy couldn't just be "sick" that day, I'm not sure, unless it was a case of not encouraging kids to skip school. Though, frankly, if it was skip school and save the world or go to school and the world gets destroyed, heck yeah I want my kids skipping school! Save that world, kids.

Meanwhile, Rita and Zedd have a plan to get it, the power coins, and destroy the world. So they send down Rito and Goldar. They try to flush the kids off the school bus, but the plan backfires because the kids aren't afraid of the monsters and start pummeling them with balls and lots of popcorn. Where all these toys and foodstuffs were stashed I have NO idea. I remember elementary school. No food on the bus, yo. And I was in elementary school when this time warp would have landed these kids (1987 or 1988).

Rito and Goldar get shooed away and the bus driver takes them home. Baby!Adam decides to stay at Baby!Billy's house and help him out. They hang out in the YELLOW garage of the YELLOW house and Billy finishes up the device. It looks like a robot. Like a child's toy robot. So they leave Billy's house, which is now BLUE (I don't even know), and walk down the sidewalk. Rito and Goldar trail them and they don't notice. Oh boys. Billy can't wait to get back to the future so he can surf the internet. (for porn)

Back at the Command Center, Cestro suddenly begins to lose hydration. It's apparently catching because one moment everybody is fine and then Cestro starts falling over so everyone else has to start falling over too. Alpha transports them to the nearest body of water, which happens to be the fountain in the park. First of all, what kind of water do these beings need because not all water is the same! Secondly, what the crap? Alpha can teleport people to the farthest galaxy, but he can't teleport these rangers to the perfect body of water???? Fishy fish fish fish.

Baby!Billy and Baby!Adam meet up with the others and they all toss their power coins (which are non-functional, remember) into the robot. Somehow, this powers the robot and Baby!Billy manages to turn back into Big!Billy before Rito and Goldar attack. Tommy tries to run away with the robot but it's no good. Billy is attacked and the robot falls into enemy hands. Goldar gets the power coins and, with Rita and Zedd now on Earth, they destroy them. Powers gone. Just like that. And... it makes no sense. Whatsoever. Anyway, robot device gets turned into a monster and Billy is all "I'm so going to kick your ass, by myself, because I am fully grown now!" except Alpha teleports them away.

So at the fountain, the Aquitians are rehydrating and all the bystanders are just in awe of the aliens. Nobody is screaming in terror or running away or calling the authorities. They're just all "Oh, look, aliens!". Um... okay? Billy shows Baby!Tommy his authority in insisting he go to the Aquitians to let them know about the robot monster, seeing as he's not a Tiny Child any longer. Baby!Tommy pouts, but defers to Billy's Sheer Awesomeness.

Billy runs up to the Aquitians and is all "Hey, it's me, Billy, you know me, because we're BFF now. There's a monster coming?" and then the monster shows up, the Aquitians morph and begin to do battle, and Billy runs to stand with the other Grown Ups. Who then ask if he knows them and he says NO. Uh... dude, you clearly know them! You were just standing around having a chat! But the residents of Angel Grove totally believe him and are in awe of the rangers. People walk right up to the TENGA AND RANGER FIGHTING and stand very close being all admiring. Really people? Are you THAT dumb? Big monster and aliens in multi-coloured spandex fighting does not inspire me to walk right up to them and be up in their business.

Biggest fail of the show thus far? The Aquitians call THEMSELVES the Alien Rangers. *beats head against desk*

Rita and Zedd make the monster grow and he's suddenly at the abandoned quarry, where the rangers call the zords and do telepathic zord battle. And win. Because they're good like that.

There is a ceremony where a woman (potentially the mayor?) gives a speech thanking the Aquitians for helping them and then gives them all big gold stars. No, really, they get actual Gold Stars... like you'd give a kid on their 100% A test paper. But I won't complain too much because Jimmy Jameson, Reporter Guy, is there! Yay! And nobody wonders why a strange man (since none of them will know who Billy is now that he's All Grown Up) is hanging around with five ten year olds. Baby!Aisha is relieved things are going better now, and she's freaking adorable.

4.5 fish. I'd go with a full on 5 but... Tiny Children! And Billy is not only hot but a super genius so... I'm biased.

Episode 139 - A Chimp in Charge

Hey! This is our last update before Power Morphicon! I will be attending Morphicon, and I'll have handy dandy little fliers to hand out to promote so come find me!

Anyway, there's something you need to know about me. I read comics. I read a lot of comics. And comics have this thing about monkeys. Gorilla Grodd, Detective Chimp, Ultra-Humanite, Congorilla, Titano... look, I read Marvel Apes, and that was one of the worst comics ever written. So you have to understand, my initial reaction to this episode was "OOOH! MONKEY!"

The episode begins, and we sit through the incredibly Kat heavy opening, and we're hoping that this will be a heavy Billy episode, because we love David Yost a whole lot. Instead, we get another Kat episode with Billy in a fairly significant role. And Adam and Rocky are off having sex the whole episode barely in it.

So, apparently we have come to the end of the school year! I have to choose to believe that this is the end of their junior year, with Zeo being their senior year, except I'm not sure if MMPR 1 and 2 was freshman and sophomore year, or if there's some sort of weird time condensing going on. Also, I'm pretty sure we just had summer vacation. Ms. Applebee announces that for their final project they have to do a ten minute presentation on language. Any language. We're not sure which class this is - linguistics? In high school? Bulk and Skull assume that they can just stand up and speak English for ten minutes, but they get that thought squashed pretty firmly.

In the youth center, we find out that Tommy and Billy are going to be deciphering hieroglyphics, and we assume this was Billy's idea, and Tommy just wanted the A. Also, that is way advanced for a high school class. Well, this whole class makes no sense. We have no idea what Adam and Rocky are doing, but Kat has offered to babysit her aunt's chimpanzee and she and Aisha plan on teaching it sign language. In two days.

AHAHAHA.

No, seriously, pause for a minute and think about that.

AHAAHAHAHAHA.

Ok. Look, there is so much wrong with this, I don't even know where to start, but I'll try. 1-Who lets a teenager borrow a monkey? 2-Do they really think they can do this in two days? 3-they live in Angel grove. Doesn't the aunt realize the monkey will probably grow wings and try to capture Dorothy?

I could keep going, but I think I've made my point.

While Kat is showing off her monkey (ape, gorilla, chimpanzee, mongbabrilla, whatever) Bulk and Skull are informed that someone has stolen Ernie's bananas. They are on the case. Then they compare Tommy and the monkey. It's actually a good joke! The monkey was amused! Bulk realizes that monkeys eat bananas, and asks Skull who is the most likely to steal bananas. Skull answers his cousin Femur in New Jersey, but he's off at chess camp. I really want that story. But they will go spy on the monkey.

Up on the moon, Rita and Zedd decide to steal the monkey. I am shocked by this news. They send Tengas (and Finster!) down to the park, and the Rangers (minus Adam and Rocky, who are brushing up their oral skills) go fight the Tengas (with Kat just putting down the ape and telling it to stay) and the monkey (who is named Kelly, after Kim's cousin) manages to dodge Finster. Tommy wonders what Zedd wants. HMMM.

Back at Aisha's house, the girls are trying to teach themselves and the ape sign language. They go get a snack, and Aisha proves that she is still a bad pet owner, as Kelly wanders outside, where she promptly molests Bulk and Skull. It is cute. Bulk and Skull tell the monkey to lead them to the bananas, so the ape takes them to.... a random Rastafarian fruit seller in the park? Sure. The guy has chimp sized clothing and dresses Kelly up, and then Zedd turns the monkey into the Sinister Simian, which is totally straight out of comics.

Some of the fish are countered by the fact that we have a monkey in sunglasses. Seriously, something that awesome deserves credit. Oh, and the monster is clearly a baboon and not a chimpanzee.

Zordon was paying attention for once, and he calls the Rangers. They're concerned about hurting Kelly, even though usually the spell is broken and the monster goes back to whatever it was before as soon as they destroy it. But in this case, we need to showcase how awesome Billy is, so he needs to steal some fur from the monkey and then go make a reverse monkey formula and at this point the fish are swarming so heavily that I was too busy laughing to be paying much attention.

Oh, and Tommy molests a random blond girl. We need to point that out. (He's telling her to get to safety.)

Anyway, Billy builds his phallic symbol device, and the monkey grows and they "hit her in exactly the right spot" with the phallic device and then the monkey is fine again. Then we get a shot where we can see right up Kat's skirt. Great job, wardrobe!

Back at the Youth Center, we find out that apparently Kat and Aisha have taught the ape a lot of signs, so they should be getting their PhDs any moment now. (Hey, maybe that explains Tommy.) Oh, and it turns out that the delivery guy had put the bananas in the freezer, so they were never stolen. Too bad Bulk and Skull had already arrested the Rastafarian fruit seller.

The episode ends with Bulk being molested by the monkey again. Clearly she knows that one day Bulk will also be a monkey.

Fish: 4.5 Even though everything is better with monkeys, the fish were really swarming this episode.

Billy Speak: "Well, we thought it'd be interesting to examine ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and their translation in modern society."
"Well, if I can get a fur sample, perhaps I can analyze how they were transformed and figure out a way to change her back."
"After I devised the anti-transformation formula, I was able to mold it into this projectile."

Episode 129- A Ranger Catastrophe Part 2

Just to let you all know, there won't be any recaps next week, because I'm going to Disney World! Our regular schedule will resume when I get back.

Previously, on Power Rangers - Aisha and Kim are the worst cat owners ever, and is sad. Yes, the Kat era has begun, which means that Kim is leaving, and I'm going to pout, because Kim is made of total awesome. However, I like Kat, so it's all good.

So, Tommy and Kat are all kidnapped, and the other Rangers are watching in the viewing globe as he loses consciousness. Why he passes out, we don't know. Billy spouts some sort of technobabble that we didn't quite catch and didn't really qualify as Billy speak about how they need to increase something to penetrate the shield.

Up on the moon, Rita summons Kat back to her, and Rita with a kitty is the cutest thing ever. Rita is a much better cat owner than Kim and Aisha are. And cat!Kat is a very tolerant cat - most of my cats would not submit to being handled in that fashion.

Goldar wants permission to go fight Tommy, even though we know that Goldar is just using him as a poor substitute for Jason, and then Zedd and Rita argue over the cat, and then send Rito down to fight the Rangers.

Seriously, when there's a Zord fight this early, this is a sign that there are bad things to come. I mean, Billy gets to say the morphing call, which is awesome, and we get to see the individual zords fight again, and then the Rangers beat Rito without Tommy, proving that they are awesome and don't need him.

At the Command Center, the Rangers watch as Goldar and Tommy fight, and then Billy comes up with a plan to rescue Tommy, but they need to head to Billy's garage. (For fun sexy makeout times.) On the way there (and why they didn't teleport directly to Billy's garage, I have no idea. I guess the fish made them do it) they run into the Kat monster. The other Rangers are summoned, and they fight Kat, and then Billy and Adam go to the garage to finish doing something.

A conversation-
QR: does [Billy's] father never venture into the garage?
TSB: not after he caught Billy and Trini having sex on the couch in there, no
QR: AHAHHAHLADSKJF
TSB: see, I even said Billy and Trini instead of Billy and Kim, just for you :P

Back in whatever dimension it is, Rito has joined the fight. There's too much Tommy in this fight, and not enough bromance of evil. Billy figures out how to do something, and then the Rangers all hold hands and somehow this teleports Tommy out, and then they summon Zords again to fight the Kat monster. Ninjor shows up, but we guess he left his snark behind, because it's a really boring fight.

After the Kat monster is destroyed, the Rangers find Kat hanging out in the park. She tells them some sort of sob story about how scared she was, and everyone thinks she's really hot. Also, turns out that this episode takes place during summer vacation! That at least explains something.

There is no mention of Kat's car. I guess a fish ate it.

The episode ends with Aisha finding cat!Kat again, and ignoring her glowing green eyes of doom.

Fish: 2.5 It's not awful, but there were a few moments that just made us yell fish.

Episode 124- Stop the Hate Master Part 1

Oh god it's another rapping monster. *headdesk*

So at the start of the episode, Kim and Aisha are pushing through a crowd of girls to see a list of new members for the Angel Grove Girls Club. It's basically a sorority... for high school. Kim made the list, but Aisha did not. They apparently didn't want her. Kim tries to comfort her, telling her she'll figure out what's going on, but Aisha says it's okay, it's not a big deal, and walks off all sad. Poor Aisha!

Kim pulls Veronica, leader of the club, aside and asks why Aisha didn't make the cut. It takes some prompting for Veronica to even remember who Aisha is, and then she says Aisha was lacking the "proper qualifications". Which basically means Aisha isn't rich enough.

In the Youth Center, Aisha is working out on some weight training equipment. Kim tries to talk to her some more, and then demands she scoot over so they can share the narrow bench and talk out their problems. Kim swears she'll talk to Veronica again and really figure out what's going on, and get Aisha in the club if she can. She kisses her on the cheek and skips away and I flail from the absolute ADORABLENESS of the two of them together.

So somebody has been graffiting the Youth Center and the Ranger boys are outside cleaning it off. Bulk is hiding in the shadows trying to discover the culprit, but he has no luck, so he tries to contact Skull on their headsets. Ernie thanks the Rangers for their help. Meanwhile, inside, the first meeting of the sorority Snobby McSnobersons Club comes to a close. Kim once again asks Veronica exactly why Aisha didn't make it. Veronica flat out tells her Aisha's parents don't make enough money. Kim questions why she was let in when her family is in the same economic bracket, but apparently her mother came from money and was involved, so Kim gets an automatic "in". What a disgusting club. Kim refuses to be a part of something so vile and quits. Because she's awesome.

But the whole time they were stepping on poor Skull. He was hiding under the table to listen to conversations, pulled out the most awesome shoe phone when he couldn't get ahold of Bulk, and then ended up getting each and every one of his fingers stomped on by the girls. Poor Skull! Alas, neither he nor Bulk have anything of importance to report.

Aisha is still kind of bummed, but not because she's in the club, just because it hurts to be rejected. She feels a little better when Kim tells her she quit, though. She can't stay long, however, because her Grandma of Sheer Awesomeness is in town.

Meanwhile, Rita and Zedd decide this Snobby McSnobersons Club has the right idea. They love the hate and ask Finster to make a monster. So Finster takes all the hate from all the monsters he ever made, and combines it all to make one nasty Hate Master monster. Who makes me feel plenty of hate every time he opens his mouth. Because he raps. Horribly.

So Kim finds the boys and tells them about what happened with Aisha. Adam agrees that it's a nasty club, but he understands why Aisha is upset, because "no one likes to feel rejected". We feel you, Adam. We really really do.

They are walking through... the park I guess? It looks more like a deserted dirt road. But anyway, they get attacked by Tengas and Squatt follows them around with a little vacuum doing... something? The Tengas grab Kim and she immediately screams for Tommy while we imprint out foreheads with our keyboards. He rescues her, of course, and the Tengas quickly fly away. The Hate Master shows up and raps horribly while Squatt hands him all the Hate Dust he collected. That's right. Hate Dust. Apparently the rangers shed hate dust when they fight. It... I don't even have words for how little sense that actually makes.

So the Hate Master puts them under a spell and they all suddenly hate each other! Oh noes! Billy questions why he's hanging out with people of sub-par intellect. Kim wonders why she's hanging out with a nerd. Tommy is just generally grumpy. Rocky and Adam have an homoerotic face off over... absolutely nothing at all, but I swear, they were seriously about to kiss there.

At Aisha's house, we meet her Grandma of Sheer Awesomeness. She knows immediately something is up with Aisha and gets her talking with what is essentially a snap of her fingers. Because she's just THAT awesome. She reassures Aisha, makes her feel better, and then gives her a necklace that has been in the family for generations.

Zordon FINALLY notices something is amiss when Alpha detects an unusually large amount of hate in Angel Grove. It's like he has his own Care-o-Meter! Anyway, the Rangers are being overcome with Hate Particles (really show? I mean... really?), and they decide to contact Aisha as she's the only one unaffected thus far. She tells her Grandma of Sheer Awesomeness that the beeping of her communicator is an alarm to remind her of a meeting she has. Best excuse EVER used on this show, seriously. She talks to Zordon and decides she is going to talk the others out of the Hate Master's spell.

And she DOES! She goes to them in the park, tells them they are under a spell, and just like that the spell wears off and they're all fine. Well okay then, show.

Y'know, this whole episode is eerily similar to the entire first Care Bears Movie, right down to a monster wanting to spread hate throughout the city, only the monster in the Care Bears movie was an awesomely evil book and not an aggravating rapping monster.

Anyway, they go to fight the Hate Master, which has grown, and end up all under it's spell again. They give up mid-fight and make snarky comments, including Billy's "I'm outta here" (link opens best in IE) which he says repeatedly and yet.. never actually leaves. So they all teleport to the Command Center, where they all throw down their communicators and tell Zordon they're done with his old, wrinkly self, by YELLING at him. It's AWESOME.

Aisha doesn't know what to do, but she's determined to stop it. Zordon is going to scan her to figure out why she's not affected by the Hate Master's spell.

To be continued!

Fish: 4

Billy speak: "Why am I hanging out with the intellectually challenged?" Oh evil, hate-filled Billy. You're so damn sexy.

Fic we want: a crossover where THE CAREBEARS SHOW UP TO FIND OUT WHY THE RANGERS HAVE STOPPED CARING because it would be OMGSOAWESOME! No, seriously, I can see it all in my head now! It should exist!

And also, we want hate!sex while under the monster's spell fic. Because it would also be awesome.

Episode 113 - A Friend in Need - Part 1

Season 3! We are only.... 6 weeks behind schedule. Um. Sorry? Unfortunately, we don't even start this season with something good. Instead, we get a Poorly Disguised Pilot for Masked Rider. Look, I understand that Kamen Rider is apparently awesome (I haven't seen any of it), but wow, is Masked Rider bad. I watched Masked Rider. I also watched VR Troopers, Beetleborgs, Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad, and Mystic Knights. I enjoyed Mystic Knights. Masked Rider is just really that bad. Just look at the opening theme! It is JUST BAD.

(I swear, when we get through all however many seasons of PR, I'm going to make recap the rest of the Saban ridiculous shows with me. Just so you all know.)

Anyway. The actual recap. Alpha is one very sad robot, and he and Zordon give us a lot of exposition that I do not care about. Alpha was made on a distant planet called Edenoi by a king named Lexian and now some bad things are happening and Alpha is really worried. Alpha loves Lexian a lot. It's actually really cute, Alpha is all emo!Robot.

Back at the Youth Center, Aisha calls Kim up on the phone, and we find out that Kim has the flu and is stuck in bed. Poor Kim. :( That really sucks. While Aisha is on the phone, Tommy and Rocky spar in the background, and I could do with more shots of Rocky in between Tommy's legs. Adam is doing school work, and then Billy comes in. He's apparently installed some sort of plot device in their communicators, and when he called up Alpha to ask how it's working, Alpha sounded sad. Adam suggests that maybe Alpha is lonely, and then asks if robots can get lonely. Aww, Adam. *pets him* The Rangers decide they should go to the Command Center and check up on Alpha, which is adorable and they are apparently trying to be good friends this season.

Up on the moon, Zedd is busy being pissed off because Count Dragon is attacking the planet Edenoi, and he's always trying to be better at being evil than Zedd is. There's some bickering, and Rita tells Zedd that Finster has created an awesome monster, and Zedd says that the monsters Finsster creates can't even walk and chew gum at the same time. Congrats, Zedd, you win the episode.

At the Command Center, Zordon has apparently finished filling them in on the exposition from earlier, so then there's some more exposition for Masked Rider that I still don't care about, and the Rangers decide that because they love Alpha so much, they'll go check on his friend on Edenoi even though it will be dangerous. It is actually really adorable! Good for them! But then a fish swoops in and we find out that being far away from Earth might make them have less power or something. Whatever. They teleport out, leaving a flu-filled Kimberly as Earth's only defender, because I don't think VR Troopers or Beetleborgs have started yet.

As soon as the Rangers leave, Goldar suggests attacking Earth. he's totally the smart one. Apparently Finstser's monster will have to do, and Zedd wants Earth conquered by sundown.

On Edenoi there are... a lot of rocks. And some explosions. And then they meet Dex (WHO CANNOT ACT, OMG SO BAD. Even at his most constipated Austin St John showed more emotion than that) and the rest of his gang, who are doing something with pockets of poisonous gas. They're all wearing gas masks and it's like something straight out of Doctor Who They refuse to believe that the Rangers are good guys just so we can have a fight scene. It's a really long fight scene, and Dex has apparently been taking lessons in speeches from Sailor Moon (Youtube is failing me. I wanted one of the ridiculously long ones in English, but you get the idea!) Anyway, the bad speech ends, and they fight, and the Edenites refuse to listen to reason.

Until Dragon decides to start firing on all of them. That convinces Dex that the Rangers must be telling the truth and they're good guys, because not even Dragon is evil enough to fire on his own soldiers. AHAHAHAHAHA. Anyway. Now that they're friends, they run to go find shelter. We get a to be continued sign.

There are two more episodes in this. Please shoot me. On the bright side, during the credits we get a clip of Tommy telling a bunch of kids that using their brain is important, so at least we get to laugh about that?

Fish: 3. There was some yelling early in the episode, and Dex is an idiot, but the episode was just bad, not so much fishy.

Episode 80- Opposites Attract

So this is not the most memorable episode. It's already fading from my memory and we JUST watched it.

We start off with Billy speak. He's sitting at a table in the Juice Bar with Trini discussing his latest invention. He created some kind of polarity something to observe a storm they're supposed to have later that day. Kim interrupts with a single serving friend of hers named Laura. They are going to take a group of Angelettes out to the park/woods/whatever for a badge. Billy is completely smitten with Single Serving Friend. She is just as smitten with him and Trini comments on it after they leave, but Billy won't even attempt anything. He's sure they'd have nothing to talk about, what with her being the outdoorsy type and Billy being into science magazines. I kind of want to shake him a little here. Trini reads science magazines! Trini never needs a translation of his normal speech! Trini is taken with his big beautiful blue eyes and she never cared about him wearing overalls! You have the perfect girl right in front of you, Billy! Alas, she runs off in a few episodes to go to Torchwood a peace conference.

Without parental supervision, a gaggle of Tiny Female Children come into the Youth Center and help Kim and Single Serving Friend carry boxes of food stuffs outside. They are both adorable AND polite. I approve of these Tiny Children. Ernie has supplied their outdoor hiking/exploring trip at apparently no cost. Billy warns them of the impending storm. We then get a very random shot of Tommy, Jason, and Zack lifting weights. It makes no sense in context of the show, but it shows Austin St. John AND Walter Jones flexing their deliciously rippling muscles so I, being the shallow person that I am, can't really complain about the scene.

In the woods/park/wherever they happen to have gone, Kim and Single Serving Friend are explaining the goal of the trip to the girls. They are to stick with the buddy system and go exploring, but not too far, and if they get lost or in trouble they are to sit down and scream for help. Kim is actually really cute when she's explaining it, especially since she's barely taller than the kids themselves (and I can say this without it being mean because I am shorter than Amy Jo Johnson).

Meanwhile, in other parts of the park, Bulk and Skull have set up some kind of system to contact the power rangers. It looks like Christmas tree decorations. Also in other other parts of the park, Billy has moved half his lab outside. For some reason. He's fiddling with his device when Goldar and a bunch of putties show up. He shows off his awesome gymnastics abilities and beats the crud out of some putties. It lured him away from his device however, which was the main goal, and Goldar grabs it. He vanishes and leaves a very surprised putty looking around astonished until Billy vaults himself over there and destroys it.

Goldar goes back to the moon and Zedd turns Billy's device into a magnet monster. There is some confusing discussion of reversing the planet's polarity and it really doesn't make sense because, well, once again, science doesn't work like that. So this monster does his thing and all of a sudden the Earth starts shaking and people start flipping out and there is some weird little points of light in all the shots that nobody else notices. It makes no sense. Zack, Jason, and Tommy cling tenaciously to each other as they try to get far enough out of the Youth Center to contact Zordon without anybody overhearing. Bulk and Skull rejoice thinking they've contacted the rangers until they see a man in a bear suit bear, and then they run in terror. Kim has the Tiny Children stay with Single Serving Friend while she goes to "contact the park ranger". But really she just wanders a few feet away and uses her communicator to contact Zordon.

At the Command Center, they all discover the monster. They also find Goldar and some putties near the Angelettes. Billy wants to take care of Goldar on his own, to protect the girls, but Zordon won't let him. Tommy gets to do that while the others go after the monster.

All the girls swoon over Tommy while he fights some putties. He beats a few and chases Goldar away. The other rangers, downtown, confront the magnet monster thing. He does his reverse polarity trick again and knocks them all over. Polarity... he keeps using that word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means. Anyway, they don't even TRY with the voice actors and it's horrible, so I'm not terribly upset when they call the power weapons, nearly beat the guy, summon the zords, and immediately pull the thunder sword on him. I swear that fight lasted all of about thirty seconds.

Zedd, in the best line in the whole episode, laments that science and monsters don't mix.

Back at the Youth Center, the Tiny Children are still swooning over the white ranger after Kim and Laura give them bravery badges. Bulk and Skull come in muttering about a bear following them and, in a surprising amount of empathy for this show, the Tiny Children rush to comfort them. Billy then walks in with his device and Laura asks if she can see more of his inventions. We get more Billy speak than we've gotten in every episode this season combined, and then Billy gets the girl.

List time:
3 fish. Science really really doesn't work that way.

Billy speak (hold onto your butts): "It's a polarizing gauge. Scientists have predicted a rare solar storm for today."

"That would be an accurate evaluation, Trini."

"I'm collecting data on the geo-magnetic field."

"An electromagnetic phenomenon has been predicted. It could have unexpected results on the atmosphere."

"Zedd's turned my polarizer into a monster with colossal repercussions!"

"I'd be honoured. If you'd like I can start with my latest. It's a unique method of observing protons and ionized oxygen atoms."

Covered in food: nobody

Episode 78- White Light Part 2

I hate this episode. I really really hate this episode.

So we get the best opening shot ever, and that's the only good thing in the entire episode. We open with a close up of Billy's gorgeous gorgeous eyes looking through the grate over the secret room where Zordon and Alpha are creating the white ranger. They can't hear him talk for the fish in their ears, and he leaves to go tell the others.

Back in Billy's garage, he tells them about the new ranger. Instead of being all excited and "OMGSOAWESOMENEWRANGERYAY!", they're being emotastic and worried. They don't want somebody new intruding into their group and they feel it's a slap in the face to Tommy to give somebody else new powers. Uh, did nobody stop and think that hey, rather than tell yet another person their secret identities, Zordon just might, possibly, be making this new power for, gosh, I don't know... Tommy? Really? Nobody came to this EXTREMELY LOGICAL conclusion? Apparently not, because everybody is really depressed and even Jason, in his cautious optimism, just looks constipated.

Meanwhile, in Skull's garage/basement/wherever they happen to be, Bulk and Skull are still trying everything they can think of to open the space dumpster. Skull gets an idea and drags Bulk off to Ernie's. They head off, and Rita lifts the lid from inside the dumpster proclaiming her need to get out of there. Uh... if Rita can open it from inside, why can't Bulk and Skull lift it off from outside? And wouldn't there be some kind of magical lock in place preventing Rita from lifting it from the inside? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of locking her up in the first place, if she can just throw off the lid and walk away at any time?

In Billy's garage, they've all been pacing and looking sad. Zordon finally contacts them to tell them about the new ranger, and they all teleport to the Command Center to listen. They still look upset and I just don't get WHY. So Zordon calls down the white light and the white ranger comes floating down from above. It's very dramatic-Jesus-like and I want to slam my head against something repeatedly. He takes off his helmet and Billy smiles and says he can't believe it. Really, Billy? In your super intelligent overly logical brain did it never once occur to you who would be in that suit? *sigh*

And then we see Kim faint. Nobody else sees her faint, but she faints. She FAINTS people. She sees Tommy and PASSES THE FUCK OUT. This is why I hate this episode. Does she, the one who has beaten more monsters on her own than the rest of the team combined, not have the fortitude to STAY CONSCIOUS when surprised with Tommy? SERIOUSLY? WHAT THE HELL SHOW?

(and now that I've rewritten that four times and calmed down enough for just that bit, I'll move on)

So then we see that it's Tommy in the white ranger outfit. Well colour me surprised. Or not. Everybody is all excited and shocked and acting like idiots. Tommy pushes them aside because nobody else saw Kim faint, but he's worried. He calls her princess, lifts her from the ground, and tells her to wake up. And miraculously, she wakes up. And can't believe it's Tommy. She's sure she's dreaming. I bruise my forehead slamming it against the desk. Luckily I thought to move the keyboard out of the way first.

Zordon then tells them that Tommy was the obvious choice to be the NEW LEADER of the Power Rangers. Hold the phone! New LEADER? Leader? Really? What, Jason suddenly isn't capable? He's not good enough anymore? Tommy is infinitely better at being leader than Jason and so he gets to just usurp the role?? WHY? I can see Tommy taking over once Jason leaves and the Stone Canyon Trio move in. But right now? While Jason is still doing an awesome job of being leader? WHAT THE HELL SHOW?!?!??!!

Luckily they cut back to Bulk and Skull before I can YET AGAIN go into rage blackout. Bulk and Skull are using a massively large can opener trying to open the dumpster. We can only assume Ernie had such a large can opener because he needed it to open the massive tin of fish it took to create this episode.

So back at the Command Center, Zordon appraises them of the monster and some putties, Rita getting out of her dumpster, and the need to go take care of this. Oh but wait, the zords were damaged and Billy didn't fix them. Zordon sends Billy and Trini to go fix the zords, Tommy to deal with the monster, and Jason, Kim, and Zack to deal with a bunch of putties. So Tommy jumps around, his zord damages a lot of land, and we meet Saba, the talking sabre. I like Saba. He can be annoying, but I don't care. I like him anyway. So Tommy kind of fails at controlling his zord and it falls over. He makes a comment about having never had a partner before so they'll just have to learn to work together. Excuse me? Never had a partner before? What, did you beat all those monsters in season 1 and the first half of 2 all on your own there, Tommy? Nobody else helped you? You didn't have multiple learn to cooperate already episodes? *sigh*

So he eventually figures out how to work the zord and then he makes it fight by doing martial arts in the cockpit. It's ridiculous, but not quite as bad as firing weapons inside equating to firing weapons outside (I'm looking at you, RPM). Tommy really sucks at this and then somehow ends up on the side of a mountain. I don't even... whatever.

Jason calls his zord and we wonder a)how the zords were fixed so quickly and b)who told Jason. But apparently both happened because Jason goes to fight alongside Tommy, and ends up with his thunderzord riding Tommy's zord. Oh show. They battle in a pathetic jousting match and then separate to combine with the other zords and form a new Megazord. The new Megazord can shoot Kim's zord at enemies with effects reminiscent of Tron. And now I want to go watch Tron. They win the battle, the Megazord and Jason's zord shake hands for some reason, and then we cut back to Bulk and Skull.

So Bulk and Skull eventually collapse from the effort and while they aren't looking, Rita throws off the lid and climbs out of the dumpster. She yells at Bulk and Skull and they pass out from fright. But alas, her escape isn't meant to be because the rangers are there too and they put her back in her dumpster, toss the lid back on haphazardly, and then leave with the dumpster. The boys go send it back into space while Kim and Trini hang out in Skull's garage/basement/whatever. They wake up and nobody questions why Kim and Trini are there, but whatever. The girls are mean about Bulk and Skull hallucinating a little witch.

At the Youth Center, they are having a surprise party for Tommy. They talk, loudly, about Tommy being a ranger again and Jason gets confused when trying to compare Tommy's surprise being more surprising than their surprise party. In walk Ritchie and Curtis. Ritchie has apparently won a trophy at a martial arts tournament that none of the rangers took part in, and the Angel Grove economy keeps on spinning. He shows off some moves for them and manages to kick a large sheet cake that Ernie just finished decorating. It goes flying and lands on Bulk and Skull, who just walked in. They promptly turn and walk right back out while everybody laughs at them.

*sigh* Did I mention I hate this episode?

List time:
5 fish. There isn't enough gefitle fish in the world to explain away this episode.

Billy speak: borderline, but the closest we get is "All the energy is being concentrated into the creation of a new Ranger."

Covered in food: Bulk and Skull covered in cake.

Episode 77 - White Light - Part 1

First, a bit of housekeeping. We changed the tag "Green Ranger era" to "Tommy era." Just in case anyone is wondering.

So. Tommy. Yeah. I hate this episode. I loved it when I was ten. But the thing that actually is going to cause the rage blackout happens in part 2, so I'll try not to rant about it that much.

The episode opens with Bulk and Skull (who are decked out as explorers on a safari, IDEK) demand to know where their sandwiches are. Trini snarkily calls them out on their rudeness, as she is awesome.

Kimberly bounces in, all excited because Tommy has sent her a letter (I guess he remembered which Ranger he's actually dating) telling her that he'll be back at the end of the week. I have no idea what happens next, because we held an all caps conversation about this.

second_batgirl: SERIOUSLY, WHERE WAS HE?
queenriley: okay, WHERE THE HELL DID HE GO IN THE FIRST PLACE????? Does he not have SCHOOL???
second_batgirl: APPARENTLY NOT
queenriley: I can't imagine school gives sabbatical for "I lost my ranger powers"

So we finally decided that they have to be on summer vacation or something. We already know that Miss Applebee teaches everything, so I guess that works? (Alternately, the administration knows that they're Rangers and does give a sabbatical for "I lost my powers.")

Anyway, at the Command Center it turns out that Zordon and Alpha are going to work on a project, so they shut down the Command Center without telling the Rangers. Do they not remember what happened the last time Zordon shut down? (I guess since Alpha isn't going to go rescue baby!Dillon this time, they didn't feel the need to call them.) Zedd, who is as awesome at surveillance as Rita was, immediately notices something weird, and then gives us a fish filled explanation about how the Morphin Grid is maintained by a balance of Zedd and Zordon. Right. I guess it's also supported by some giant fish. So Zedd decides this would be a great time to a) capture Tommy again and b) send down a monster named Nimrod.

Back on Earth, Zack, Curtis and Jasosn are playing sports and damn, Jason has nice arms. Then Rita's garbage pail crashes on Earth, and Bulk and Skull decide this is the sign that will tell them who the Power Rangers are. Right. I'm not entirely sure why it took 17 episodes for her to land on Earth. Maybe some fish were blocking her path.

At his uncle's lake, we see Tommy getting out of the lake. Wow, for a moment both of us thought he was naked. Those swim trunks were remarkably close to the color of his skin. Anyway, gratuitous shirtless soaking wet Tommy is gratuitous. And then he gets teleported out by someone in a flash of white light. Hmmm.

Zack wanders over to get a football, and he finds the statue covered in slime, so he calls the others. They are all concerned by the slime, but none of them bother to inspect the back of the statue, which has the monster's head on it. The Rangers soon discover that Zordon isn't answering their communicators, so they teleport to the Command Center which is totally shut down. However, Billy manages to access what we're guessing is the footage from the security cameras, so they teleport down to his lab to check it out.

While in the lab everything starts to shake, so they realize that a monster is attacking. It's Nimrod, and it's two helpers AC and DC. I love this show so much. Midway through the battle Billy teleports to the Command Center to go figure out what Zordon and Alpha are up to. He enters the same code he saw Alpha put in, and falls through the door of light. Instead of ending up in the main room where Alpha and Zordon are, he lands in the room above them, which conveniently has a grate for him to look through. Zordon and Alpha fail at noticing his presence, but Billy is able to see that there's another Ranger....

To be continued. Tomorrow.

Fish: 3.5 The fish sure nudged a lot of plot points into place today.

Billy speak: There was a lot of borderline comments, but the only thing of note was "The activity disc is showing the combination of controls that Alpha coordinated."

Covered in: I did mention soaking wet Tommy and the lake, right?

Episode 64 - The Wanna-Be Ranger

This episode reminds me of why I love this show - it was completely ridiculous but totally awesome. And also it makes me want fanfic. Warning, there are spoilers for RPM in this recap, because Queenriley and I spent about half the episode discussing a ridiculous crossover. Also, this is our first Alpha centric episode! Oh, Alpha. We love you a whole lot, even if you are the whiniest robot ever. Also, please stop trying to be cool. This is only going to lead to Alpha Six, and I cannot deal with that.

Anyway, we open again with the new theme. We like the new theme. However, it just isn't the same without Rita yelling that she's free and it's time to conquer Earth. Plus, teenagers with attitude! We miss that! :(

Anyway, the actual episode starts with a basketball game. Frankly, we're amazed that they got Billy to play. We shouldn't be that surprised, since Billy has already proved he's awesome at basketball but we still think that Billy playing sports is out of character. Besides, he's supposed to sit on the sidelines and then get turned into a punk. Then their game is interrupted when a gorilla puts his hand on Kim's shoulder.

It is not a monster, but Zack in a monkey suit! Honestly, considering they live in Angel Grove and do get turned into monsters a lot, you would think that Zack would know better than to pull a stunt like that, but no. He gives some excuse about entertaining tiny children, which we assume is code for "spending time with Angela in the hopes that she'll think he's adorable and kiss him again." Zack, honey, we really don't think Angela is a furry. Jason tells him to get out of the suit and play some b-ball, and we aren't sure whether to laugh at the 90s slang, make fun of Jason's hair (I think you overdid it on the gel, Jason), make fun of Jason's ridiculously 90s jeans, or be pleased that Jason wants Zack to take off his clothes.

However, their communicators then go off, and the team goes to the Command Center, where Zordon tells them that he will temporarily de-ionize and be depowered. He also says that Alpha will be monitoring things and they should listen for his signal. We're not sure why this is such a big deal, I mean, Zordon Fails half the time anyway. He fades out and then the Rangers all leave, while Alpha starts to monitor things. He notices a little boy is lost in Angel Grove Park, and thinks he should call the Rangers. I love how apparently the Rangers rescue little children. I wonder if they also fetch cats out of trees. Someone should write that. However, he decides instead that it should be "Alpha Ranger to the rescue!" and he teleports out to go rescue the kid.

Alpha Ranger to the rescue is never going to stop being funny to me.

Anyway, to get on with the plot, Zedd decides to take advantage of the situation and create the Primator out of Zack's monkey suit. (I am still sad that monkey suit is not a tux. Zack in a tux would have been hot.)

At the park, Alpha finds the kid, who is named Dillon, and at that point Queenriley and I start plotting ridiculous insane crossover fic where the kid ends up actually being Dillon from RPM. He even looks (a little) like a baby Dillon! He's got the right color hair and eyes anyway! Look, we know that RPM technically takes place way in the future, but there is a way to make it work. And he tries to teach Alpha how to play soccer!

The Primator can apparently turn into any of the Rangers, and we're pleased that it's another evil twin episode. Especially because David Yost does a really good Evil Billy. How awesome would it have been if Billy had been the Evil Green Ranger? Seriously! Also, he's really hot when he's evil.

And evil!Billy says that Alpha is a naughty boy, and I die laughing.

Anyway, when evil!Billy sees himself reflected in Alpha's golden head, he turns back into the monster. But not before trying to make Alpha take him to the Command Center. Alpha activates his self destruct and baby!Dillon takes care of him. Oh, Alpha, you fail so hard.

The monster goes to the Youth Center and turns into Zack, where he tells Kimberly and Trini that Tommy got attacked by putties and is losing his powers and is failing a lot. They believe it, because it is the best excuse ever. Seriously, this monster totally gets Tommy. A++++ show! Also, Trini and Kimberly go right to the park without bothering to try and contact Tommy. They don't believe in communicators. Evil!Zack promises to look for Billy and Jason. I also love how they don't bother to question how Zack knows this - do they think he just left Tommy behind? Or what?

The girls get to the park, and when they don't see anything, they try and contact the guys, who are in Billy's garage with headphones on doing... something. We don't know. However, they can't hear their communicators. Apparently Jason can hear his over the sound of a motor bike but not with the earphones on. Also, I love how this is totally "listening for Alpha's signal". On the bright side, the girls get to fight putties and be awesome.

By the time they finish their fight, the guys have moved back to the Youth Center, and... well, that must have been a long fight. Otherwise, I've got nothing to explain how they moved so quickly. They looked pretty involved in Billy's lab. Just saying.

Kimberly and Trini start to yell at the guys for not being there. Can we say major secret identity fail? They just discuss it in the middle of the Youth Center! Oh, and then they use their communicators to try and contact Alpha. Still in the middle of the Youth Center. Of course, he doesn't answer because he is still lying in the middle of the park with baby!Dillon taking care of him. Longest self destruct sequence ever.

The Ranger teleport to the Command Center (luckily not from the middle of the Youth Center) and Zordon is back, just in time. He tells them about the new monster They figure out that it wasn't really Zack who told Kimberly and Trini to go to the park, and Kim apologizes.

The Rangers go to find the monster, which pretends to be Trini. They can't figure out which Yellow Ranger is the real one, so instead of having Kimberly Billy kiss her, Jason says that both of them should attack him. Because... I don't know. Fish. One Trini says that she can't because they're friends, and the other one attacks him. Gee, I wonder which one is the fake? (On the bright side, at least these evil Rangers have the right color gloves.)

Then the Primator turns into the Red Ranger, and Jason gets really pissed. He's all "No Red Ranger imitations allowed! Even Goldar knew that! Fake!Jason can totally shoot energy from his helmet, but regular Jason can't. At least we've never noticed that.

The Rangers retreat to the Command Center, and Zordon tells them to use a mirror to reveal the fake. Kimberly, of course, is carrying a giant mirror on her. I'm not really sure where she pulled it from because a) it's a fairly big mirror and b) she's morphed. Seriously, where was she carrying it?

Anyway, they teleport back to the fight, and for some reason only half of them are there, even though they all teleported in together. This will never be explained, just assume that they got hit by a fish. Somehow Kimberly's mirror is now blue and has a triceratops on it, we guess because Billy is carrying it. Tommy shows up and is all "this is too hard! We must surrender!" and for some reason Jason thinks that this is the monster (Oh, fine, we know Tommy probably wouldn't just want to give up) and hits him in the face, and then forces him to look in the mirror. Oh, it is a fake. (Also, why would they bother with the mirror once they figured out he's the fake?)

Then the monster grows and we have a long Zord sequence and it is so awkward, and I wish that I didn't know that the monster and the Zord were from different sentai seasons because so awkward.

After they win, the Rangers go to the park, where Billy deactivates the self destruct on Alpha. Longest self destruct ever. Baby!Dillon is all excited to see them, and he promises never to forget them. Sorry, Dillon, there's that whole Venjix thing in your future. Dillon's mom finally shows up. Took long enough. Seriously, her kid was alone for hours.

Back at the Command Center, Alpha is grounded for a few thousand years.


Fish: 4.5 This episode was amazing but it was still filled with fish.

Fic we want: Seriously, that kid totally grows up to be RPM!Dillon, right?

Episode 63- The Mutiny Part 3

Previously on Power Rangers we discover both piranhas in Angel Grove and Zordon plans to profit.

We get the new opening! Trini looks beautiful. Kim looks adorable. Zack has awesome hair. Billy and Jason are just stunningly GORGEOUS. And Tommy's hair makes me laugh like a cruel, heartless evildoer (TSB disagrees and thinks he looks good... to each their own).

So the Zords stopped attacking for no reason. Then they get turned on the rally. So apparently the monster got smart for once and went after civilians.

The Rangers are still waiting on the signal blocker. Billy and Trini might be able to finish if Zordon would stop interrupting them every five seconds to see if they're done. Of course, it's also my theory that they took some time to relieve some of the intense stress by having a serious make-out session (or, y'know, happy fun naked time). Either way, it's taking awhile and Zordon is impatient. Tommy has to stay behind because his powers are failing him again. He tries to be Emo Ranger but fails miserably. Give it up, Tommy. That role is reserved for Adam.

We see Angel Grove through Lord Zedd vision and are DELIGHTED because it is AWESOME. Somehow the monster magics Bulk and Skull's four wheelers so they go crazy, and then the Tyrannosaurus Zord goes all crazy on the drivers at the rally. Evil controls it way better than Jason does because we had no idea the Tyrannosaurus Zord could do so much damage.

Meanwhile, Zedd makes sure his brilliance astounds everybody. Yes, Lord Zedd, it certainly does. Us included. *fangirl-like sigh of dreaminess*

Back at Billy's lab of Evil Simmering Liquids of Evilness (he's an evil genius, I'm telling you), he and Trini finally finish making out the signal blocker. Billy, who had been wearing his glasses during the building of this device, removes them (sad!) and they teleport to the scene of battle. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. Did you check the batteries there, Billy? You seem to have a problem with that.

While Billy tries to figure it out, they blast the piranha monster with the awesome power blaster. It takes him out of the game for a few minutes, but the zords are still going after the rally. Meanwhile, Billy discovers he put the battery in upside down. Again. So he fixes it and they disrupt the signal and all is good, except then Zedd is awesome and glowing red and sends the zords into the pit of a volcano. Or rather, down a crack in the ground into molten lava. I have to wonder though, why is Kim's zord having problems? The darn thing flies OUT OF A VOLCANO! It shouldn't be bothered by being thrown into a pit of lava. Ought to feel like home, really.

So Zordon has Alpha work some impossible magic on the morphing grid and takes the old zords from the molten lava so they can be turned into the new zords. Nod and smile, people. It was a big steaming pile of fish for us too.

Is it can be new zords time nao? Why yes, yes it can! The monster grows, we get the new zords, they form an awesome megazord, and then they destroy the fish monster. Woohoo! Zedd gets mad, goes red again, blames everybody around him, and Finster is all pouty and sulking because Zedd wouldn't use one of his monsters instead.

At the Command Center, Jason is pretty and reassures Tommy that they'll always be friends. They somehow see into Rita's dumpster where she's lonely and singing 99 bottles of slime on the wall. Then everybody laughs at Bulk and Skull who are still trapped on out of control four wheelers. *sigh* There goes that bit of character development. Right out the window.

Back at the rally, Billy and Trini covertly use the signal blocking device to stop Bulk and Skull's four wheelers from going crazy. As they run away, Billy cops a feel. They send Tommy and Kim in to make sure Bulk and Skull are okay, which they are, and Tommy acts all impressed that Bulk and Skull met the Power Rangers. They make Bulk and Skull share a four wheeler while Tommy and Kim take the other one, whereupon Kim insists on driving. Good for her. Tommy would probably forget he's driving and try to kick a rock instead of avoid it, crashing the four wheeler by mistake.

They catch up quickly, but at least they didn't come in first in the race.

List time!
3.5 fish. A little ridiculous, but not too bad overall I suppose.

Billy speak: None. Again.

Covered in food: nobody

Episode 46 - To Flea Or Not To Flee

We open in the Youth Center. Zack is collecting donations, and amazingly, he isn't wearing any black. We're almost too busy being shocked by this to realize that Zack is collecting donations to save the Youth Center. Apparently it's going out of business. We have two theories on this. First, we haven't had a martial arts tournament in a while, so maybe the boys should get on that. Alternately, the Rangers could just start paying for their food and drinks. That would probably help them.

Jason walks in carrying a puppy. We're confused as to why he's carrying it, but he's showing off his arms nicely, so we can't really complain about that. Plus, the dog is really cute. Puppy! Meanwhile, at the high school, Bulk and Skull find a reward poster for the dog. Gee, I wonder how the Youth Center will be saved? Skull also has really ridiculous hair.

Up on the moon, Rita has found footage of a monster that can be used! Or else the Zyu2 footage arrived. We really need to watch Sentai. Maybe in 2015 after we finish RPM. Rita is having Finster use the monstermatic machine to create a Fighting Flea, that actually just looks like a lobster. Squatt is all excited, and actually says that "it's launcheroonie time!"

Back at the Youth Center, Ernie is being really nice, and the Rangers keep going on about how they can't let him close. Just pay your damn bill, Rangers! Jason realizes that he should take the dog for a walk, and Kim volunteers to go with him. So Jason carries the dog out to the park. It's called a walk, not a carry. But it shows off his arms, so.

Rita zaps the dog with the flea monster, and Jason then starts itching. While he's being distracted by itching, Bulk and Skull steal the dog, as they want to claim the reward.

Goldar starts monologing about how now it is time to destroy the Red Ranger. Oh, Goldar, you are a little obsessed, aren't you?

Putties show up to attack Kim and Jason, and as soon as the Putties touch Jason, they get covered with fleas. They stop fighting to go fall on the ground and start itching. Kim and Jason realize that something is wrong, so they go to the Command Center, where Zordon provides Jason with a temporary antidote. If he comes back in contact with the monster, he will start itching again. Jason starts admiring his arms and the giant rash that covers them.

Bulk and Skull call the number for the reward. They have to go to a phone booth. Which... oh my god, we are SO OLD. Just as they start calling, Rita has the flea monster jump off the dog, and it attacks them. It sounds just like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks.

The Rangers split up. Jason and Kim go to look for the dog, Billy goes to create a better antidote, and Trini and Zack go to the Youth Center. The Flea monster goes to attack Jason, because he thinks he's tasty. We can agree with that. As soon as the monster shows up, Jason starts itching, which apparently means he has to start doing flips. IDK.

The other Rangers show up, and there's a giant fight in a junkyard. I feel as though they should be singing and then turning into children. Yes, this is just an excuse to link to High School Musical. Do not judge us.

Billy has found an antidote, so Jason stops itching, and then Rita makes the Flea grow. For some reason, the fight is in slow motion. Hmm. I guess they had time to kill.

After winning the battle (Power Sword for the win!) the Rangers go back to the Youth Center, where Ernie is feeding the dog chili. The dog's owner shows up, and thanks them for finding Pierre, and asks who to give the reward to. The Rangers say Ernie, and then they can keep the Juice Bar open! I still don't see how this fixes Ernie's problem, especially when he immediately gives the Rangers pizza and soda on the house.

Bulk and Skull show up, still itching. Billy wonders if he should give them the cure, and so they go and give them FLEA COLLARS that they have to wear for a WEEK. OMGWTF WHY ARE THEY SUCH BULLIES?!

Fish: 3.5 This was ridiculous.

Billy speak: "Ernie's operating expenses far exceeded his revenues."
Trini Translation: "He's broke." (Seriously, Kim needed that translated?)

Covered in: Bulk, Skull and Jason get covered in fleas.

Episode 41- A Pig Surprise

First, I'd like to apologize for this not being up yesterday. We were both incredibly busy and there was inclement weather which made internet not possible. So you're getting it today. And it's a Pudgy Pig episode! I LOVE Pudgy Pig. No rational reason why, I just do.

We start the episode with the ranger teens working at a pet adoption fair. They adopt out a bunny and puppy to children with no parents present (I shudder at the thought). Just as they are about to close up, an elderly woman comes up with a pig on a leash. She can't keep the pig and hopes they can find him a good home. His name is Norman. Kim is grossed out by him, but I just think he's the most adorable piggy ever. Dawwwww Norman.

We cut to Zack running through the forest, stopping long enough to check his watch. He's apparently very late. We suspect he's been taking lessons from Tommy. He stumbles across the old woman from before and she dances around and turns into a putty. He goes to attack, but the putty splits multiple times and Zack complains it's not a fair fight. It's never been unfair before, him versus multiple putties, but we won't complain too much because it makes for one awesome solo fight! He wins, picks up a spinny thing that fell on the ground, and then runs off.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull come running up to the pet adoption booth. They want a pet too! They want something cool and different. Trini hands them Norman's leash and they happily take him home. At school the following day, they're showing him off. They are so proud! It's great. Bulk tries to get Norman to do some tricks but Norman basically ignores him, so he says "Stand there and ignore me" which Norman does. It's pretty clever, actually.

Billy and Trini are in Billy's garage trying to figure out the spinny device. Zack walks up and he can't offer much help, but he's curious how it's going. Billy suddenly remembers Zack said it was dropped by a putty that was disguised as an old woman, and it they FINALLY put two and two together. Maybe this device has something to do with Norman! Golly, you think?

They race to school, which is still in session by the way, so they were skipping. Jason and Kim haven't seen Bulk and Skull, so Billy and Trini go back to his garage and the other three look for the pig. Zack finds Bulk and Skull in the Youth Center with Norman just as the timer on the spinny thing counts down to zero. Norman turns into Pudgy Pig and everybody runs screaming. Skull tries to get him to remember that they are his parents, but he just wants to eat Bulk's sandwich. Zack, meanwhile, just kind of stands there. He doesn't call for help. He doesn't use the communicator. He doesn't run off and morph. He just... stands there.

Pudgy Pig has the munchies, which must mean it's 4:20, and he disappears from the Youth Center to who knows where, in hopes of finding food. Zack finally contacts Zordon and he says the other rangers are at the Command Center waiting for him. Zack AND Zordon!Fail.

The rangers all morph and run off to fight Pudgy Pig. Hey, look, it's the SAME sentai footage from Food Fight. Nice to see you there, familiar sentai footage. It is pretty cute how Pudgy Pig just kind of sits on the ledge of the roof though. He's just chilling, hanging out, still with the munchies. He teleports away, though, because the rangers are harshing his squee.

They find him at a pig farm. They hide expertly behind a pile of baled hay (because nothing says covert like bright red, yellow, blue, black, and pink spandex!) and discover he's dancing! Why is he dancing? Why, because he's trying to impress a lady pig, of course! Pudgy Pig is in love and it's the most ADORABLE THING EVER. No, seriously. I spent a few minutes just going "Daawwwwwww" and irritating TSB. The rangers think Pudgy Pig/Norman and Lady Pig would make beautiful bacon together (which is kind of morbid, when you think about it) and then say Pudgy Pig MUST be Norman because Rita's monsters can't fall in love. Way to stereotype, guys! Monsters can fall in love! *grumble grumble*

Zordon contacts them and we discover it was all a distraction. Rita really planned to send Goldar down to demolish the city. He's currently crushing things left and right in downtown Angel Grove. So the Rangers go fight him but end up being attacked by Scorpina instead. Goldar threatens to squish them like the little bugs he thinks they are and so they summon the zords in a really long sequence. Way to be out of sentai footage, guys!

We are then treated to a really long Goldar/MegaZord fight, with lots and lots of Rita reaction shots. Meanwhile, they call for the Mega Sword, which is supposed to be Power Sword, and it actually took me a minute to figure out they were saying Mega SWORD and not Mega ZORD and... yeah. Anyway. Goldar is pulled back by Rita just as the Rangers are about to slice him with the sword.

A short while later, they head back to the pig farm where Pudgy Pig/Norman is still trying to woo the lady pig. She seems rather unimpressed. Billy has fixed the spinny device and uses it to turn Pudgy Pig/Norman back into just Norman the pig. Lady Pig is duly impressed. Farmer agrees to adopt Norman so they can make beautiful (creepy and morbid) bacon together.

At school the following day, we discover Ms. Applebee is ill so Principal Caplan will be teaching her class. They're going to learn about farm animals and we have to remind ourselves this is supposed to be high school. Principal Caplan brings in a pig and poor Bulk and Skull, traumatized from what happened to the last pig they hung out with, freak out and run away. Poor Bulk and Skull.

List time!

Fish: 2.5 because it could have been worse, but it could have been better. And it's the most adorable episode.

Billy speak: "I was able to recalibrate the transformer so if my calculations are correct, it should reverse the process with no harm to Norman"

Question to ponder: Where did Rita get Norman from in the first place?

Fic we want: Angel Grove guidance counselors dealing with weird fears of the students due to Rita's wacky hijinks. "I was attacked by a rubber duck monster! Now I'm terrified to take a bath!" I nominate TSB to write it. Because I have too many fics in the works to add another "mundane daily life of Angel Grove residents" to my list.

Episode 40 - Doomsday Part 2

You know, considering how great part 1 of this episode was, you would think that part 2 would be awesome. And there are some good moments, but honestly we spent about half of it chanting fish at each other.

So, we open at the Command Center, and Zordon is going over the threat again, and he points out that Goldar hasn't brought out his awesome zord in 10,000 years. Of course Goldar hasn't brought it out in 10,000 years. He's been sealed in a can. While we're busy rolling our eyes at that, the next ridiculous statement is made. Apparently it requires 12 hours to charge back up the Megazord. Right now the Zords are only at half power. If they fight at half power and get destroyed, apparently it can destroy the grid. Wait, seriously? Since when does it take that long to charge up? And obviously they've fought at below half power before, considering that the Zords are currently charging. Fish fish fish.

So, they go, and promptly get beaten up. In fact, the Megazord gets its arm cut off. And seriously, that Zord has to be at least semi-sentient at this point, because while the Rangers are all freaking out (seriously, it's the best reaction shot ever) the Megazord manages to defend itself anyway. So they call in the Dragonzord, which promptly loses part of its tail. They keep getting beaten up, and then suddenly the Zords start to disintegrate, and seriously, that was pretty incredible. I mean, the special effects are ridiculous, but seeing the Zords get destroyed like that is pretty powerful.

The Rangers all abandon ship, and demorph back in the park. Apparently Rita is jamming the frequency of their communicators so they can't call the Command Center. Oh, and don't worry, because Billy's about to pull a Billy Ex Machina, and it turns out that the Zords have a failsafe where they teleport back to wherever it is they stay if they're about to be destroyed. If so, seriously, why haven't we heard about this before, and why was Zordon so busy going "blah blah destroy the grid" if you go?

So they head back to Billy's garage, and we get a shot of the Radbug. And I thought we've already established that if you can't contact the Power Chamber, you take the radbug. But Billy apparently has some wacky tool that will fix the communicators. Of course, there hasn't been enough drama in this episode yet, so Goldar and some putties show up to menace them.

Meanwhile, at the Command Center, Zordon is all "woe is me, I can't find the Rangers without their communicators", which is frankly bullshit. But Alpha tells us that since Rita's awesome moon palace is on Earth, apparently they can hack her systems now. I'm getting weird Independence Day flashbacks.

Back at Billy's garage, Goldar is still just standing there and being vaguely threatening. He hasn't even tried to attack yet. And he just watches as the Rangers teleport back to the Command Center.

And guess what? Apparently it must have been WAY MORE than 12 hours, because all of the Zords are just fine! Including Titanus, which must have been rescued from the sandpit by some flying sand-fish. Some other stuff might have happened at this point, but there was a long series of ????? and !!!!!! and flailing and screaming about fish and seriously, show, you could at least try to be consistent within the same episode. Zordon's big plan is that if they just keep changing Zord configurations, they can overwhelm Goldar's Zord. Which... apparently works. Big fight scene. Things blow up. Nothing to say about it really.

So after Cyclopsis blows up (it lost its head last time and still recovered!) Finster blames Goldar, and then Rita packs up her palace and goes back to the moon, and for some reason that makes the entire town reappear in the Park or wherever it was they were gathering.

Some little kids start arguing over which Ranger is the best. One boy likes the Red Ranger, another boy likes the Black Ranger, and a third boy likes the Blue Ranger. A little girl says she likes the Pink and Yellow Rangers, and seriously, couldn't you have gotten a second girl? Or maybe have one of the boys like one of the female Rangers? Is that too much to ask?! Of course, Tommy then makes an appearance (wearing all green, of course) and he tells them a secret - they are all the greatest. (I was really hoping he would say the Green Ranger is the greatest. Oh well.) So the Rangers show up and the all walk up and clap him on the shoulder, and seriously, how come nobody realizes Tommy used to be the Green Ranger?

The mayor makes a speech about how the Rangers are awesome, and that's the end of Power Rangers Day.

But wait, there's more! Back at the Command Center, Zordon says that while they haven't defeated Rita, they have dealt her a major blow. He then offers them the chance to quit. None of them do. Until they go off to a Peace Conference or move to a fish planet, anyway. That would be a great place to end the episode, except then Alpha says he caught a virus. A computer virus. GROAN.


Fish: Four fish. None of the Zord stuff made any sense.

Billy speak: "Rita's undoubtedly jamming the frequency"
"I'm adjusting the modulator to read an alternative signal"

Questions to be answered: What did the people in town experience while they were caught in the alternate dimension? What sort of events should happen at Power Rangers Day?

Episode 31- Calamity Kimberly

Well I have my beers all settled here beside me and I'm ready to start this episode. It's not one of my favourites, never has been. Thank you, Mr. Guinness, for helping me get through it.

We start off in a ginormous bedroom. I've never seen master bedrooms this big, nevermind second bedrooms. It's also decorated like a hotel from the 1950's. This is definitely not a teenagers bedroom.

Kim doesn't want to get up with the alarm and manages to break her lamp and then fall out of bed while trying to turn it off. She is horrified by her bad hair and I just want to point her to the shower and tell her about this magical thing called water and shampoo. It gets rid of bed head! Fantastic invention, that.

The day turns out rainy and she breaks a mirror. Meanwhile, Rita is stalking the rangers again and thinks now would be a good time to go after Kim, since she's having a bad day and all.

At school, Kim's umbrella has broken so she's soaking wet and she got mud all over her pep rally plans. I was unaware there were planning stages to pep rallies, but then, I never attended them myself, choosing to hide in the theater or library instead. Kim's worried Tommy won't find her attractive and I can't say I've ever met a straight man that didn't like seeing hot young women in wet clothing. Just saying, is all.

Bulk and Skull tease her a little and Tommy tells them to stop. Bulk teases him instead and Tommy pushes Bulk onto a wet floor, sends him sliding through dirty mop water, and then throws him into the mop bucket. Tommy actually planned this, taking in where the spilled mop water and bucket were and then positioning himself to throw Bulk in there. That was HORRIBLE and far worse bullying than calling Tommy a name.

Everybody laughs, however, and then Tommy sets up a date with Kim for after school. They meet at a surprisingly dry park (no mud, dry wooden picnic tables, does nothing hold water in Angel Grove?) and just when Tommy manages to make Kim feel a little better, she trips and he has to catch her. I suspect we're supposed to find this romantic. I just find it annoying.

Rita sends down the Samurai Fan Man to capture Kim in his unbreakable bottle and transport her to an alternate dimension. He manages to suck her in and the wind knocks Tommy out in the process. I don't know how, it just did. Meanwhile, trapped in the jug, Kimberly spends the next however long screaming Tommy's name. And so it begins.

Zordon, in another moment of Epic Win, was actually paying attention this time. He calls Jason, who answers his communicator in the middle of the Youth Center, and tells them to teleport immediately. Jason and Zack stop girl-fighting and they all teleport just outside the main entrance to the Youth Center. There is a very convenient lounge chair in the middle of the Command Center and Alpha teleports Tommy directly onto it. Apparently he has a concussion or something.

They share a bit of the most awkward dialogue EVER in existence and Jason unenthusiastically says "It's Morph... oh whatever, you know the rest." Well, okay, technically he said "It's Morphin Time." but it might as well have been "whatever" for all the feeling he put into it.

They go after the Samurai Fan Man at the Putty Patrol Restaurant which we have never heard of and will never hear of again. Alas, too bad, it looked like a fun place to hang out. They get blown away by the Fan Man, however, and Alpha reverses their teleportation direction. Wha??? I'm lost.

The only cool thing about this fight is we get to see Giant Goldar take on all the Zords individually. That was awesome. But it fails because the Fan Man is there and somehow beats the crap out of them. With his fan. Tommy is somehow roused from his groaning, concussed state and insists on morphing to help, but DragonZord gets blown away too. They call on Titanus, manage to break open the unbreakable jar, set Kimberly free, form the UltraZord, and then... win the fight pretty much instantly.

Back at Billy's garage, which is apparently the happening place to be since they all spend so much time there, Billy is covered in grease and working on the RadBug. The others are hanging out inside his garage and watching an old television. Mr. Reporter Guy starts a story on Who Are the Power Rangers and Kim reveals she is secretly Jubilee by blowing up the television. Everybody laughs. The end.

List time:
Covered in food? Nobody
Billy Speak? None

Fish? 3.5 for being more boring than anything else
Beers consumed to get me through it? 2.5

Episode 13- No Clowning Around

We start out this episode really happy because it's a Trini-centric episode, but the happiness is short lived. This is the creepiest, weirdest episode I think I've watched thus far. I spent most of it unsure what was going on, actually.

It opens at some kind of carnival or fair. It looks like it might be fun with a ferris wheel and carousel (I love carousels), but there are clowns. And clowns are creepy. If you didn't think they were creepy before, you will after this episode.

Zack is walking around on some rockin' stilts and we're impressed. He's awesome! Billy throws out some typical Billy-speak and then Zack shows off by dancing. He's not half bad either... until he falls over. He is caught by Jason in what is probably the most romantic pose ever to happen in the entirety of Power Rangers. Seriously, Zack literally falls into Jason's arms, is encompassed by him, and lowered safely to the ground in Jason's warm embrace. Zack sing-songs "My big strong hero" and then kisses Jason on the cheek. I'm not even kidding, it's actually there on screen. Zack and Jason, in this scene, get more action and romance in this one scene than anybody in Power Rangers does until Tommy shows up. Zack/Jason is totally canon, and probably the only thing in Power Rangers I didn't ship until... um... well, now. But now I do and we wants fic!

Moving on we see Trini running to catch up to the gang with her Random Relative of the week, Cousin Sylvia. We meet the creepy clown who's name is Pineapple and we struggle to not make Pennywise references. Yeah, it didn't work. Pineapple the Clown offers to teach children juggling, but Billy kind of takes over and jumps at the chance. He sucks at it though so his eggs (why they're juggling with raw eggs I don't even know) end up flying through the air and landing on Bulk and Skull in what proves to be their only appearance all episode. Sylvia wants to stay and juggle with leering Pineapple the Clown, but Trini reminds her they need to stick together and drags her off to attempt a human pyramid. It fails and Sylvia, apparently unimpressed, runs off to see Creepy the Clown again. She looks to be about 10 years old. She really ought to know better by that point.

Trini ends up in a minor state of panic until she finds Random Relative Sylvia with Creepy the Clown. Trini tries to pull her away, but Pineapple gets grabby with the little girls and won't let go of Sylvia. He turns her into a cardboard cutout and then runs away. Yeah... I don't even know what's going on at this point.

It ought to be noted that while Trini ran off to find her wayward cousin, the rest of the Rangers just up and went on a park ride. They didn't help look for the missing kid. Trini catches up to them, their fun time now over, and shows them Cardboard Cutout Sylvia. She is sent to Billy's garage to use one of his devices to turn her back into a human and we just have to stop and love the fact that Billy has a machine to turn cardboard into people. In his garage. Because he's Billy. I could smush him.

Jason grabs a megaphone and starts calling out for the evacuation of the carnival. Instead of questioning a random teenager telling them to run, the residents of Angel Grove just run away. Either they know he's a Ranger (probably) or they're very well trained to hide at the slightest inkling of a monster attack. Billy ought to have gone to help Trini, but instead ends up leaving the others to deal with putties while he chases after Pineapple on his own. We think he might have a clown fetish. We marvel at the ingenuity of the Rangers using their environment to help beat the putties. They did an awesome job of improvising with the carnival rides.

Meanwhile, Alpha is in Billy's garage helping Trini reanimate Sylvia. He discovers all the water has been removed from her body, thus turning her into cardboard. Um... wha??? Again, I don't even know. We were yelling FISH by 10 minutes into this episode. That's never a good sign. He dumps some buckets of water on the cardboard, she comes back to the life, Alpha runs and hides, and Trini apologizes for what I don't know.

Trini runs to assist in the fight, they summon the Zords, and then Billy throws his Triceratops horns at the overgrown clown that now resembles some kind of deformed plant. He calls himself the Pinoctopus. He neither resembles a pineapple nor an octopus, so I'm just left scratching my head.

Zack uses his Zord to freeze the Pinoctopus and we see a nice background shot of a glacier. Which is amusing since the Mastodon Zord was standing next to the other Zords on... grassy flatland. Mmkay. Angel Grove geography is just weird. That not being sufficient, they form the MegaZord and Billy suggests something akin to lasers. That's good, but not good enough apparently, as Jason so harshly points out, and so they do... something? and defeat the Pinoctopus. It looked like somebody pulled a wire out of the ground and made dirt fly up and then he exploded, but we're not entirely sure what it was supposed to be. Again, no clue what's really going on, so fish fish fish.

The day is saved, Random Relative Sylvia thanks Trini for teaching her not to run off (seriously? she's ten and nobody taught her this before?), and then Billy is adorable on not-stilts. Credits roll. The end.

I'm still scratching my head and not sure what I just watched.

List time!
Covered in food: Bulk and Skull covered in raw egg

Billy!speak (and lots of it!):
"Remember to keep your center of gravity correctly proportioned."
"I estimate we'll lose structural integrity in about 8.3 seconds."
"We're in imminent danger of collapse!"
"She's been subatomically transduced into a two dimensional space."
"The quasitronic molecular generator in my garage could be the answer."
"Bipedally ambulate to the nearest convenient outlet."
"According to my calculations a multi-phased energy blast should overload him and bring on his destruction."

Overall we give this episode 4 fish due to the sheer rediculousness of the water turning a cardboard person back into a person, Billy's clown fetish, the weird battle, creepy grabby clowns, and the overall wtf-ery of the entire episode.

Episode 11- For Whom the Bell Trolls

I love this episode. I know it has a lot of problems, but I love it anyway. It's very much an episode for my OTP (Billy/Trini ftw!) but it's full of... well... fish.

It's Hobby Week at Angel Grove High. Wait, what? Hobby Week? Is this like, show and tell for high schoolers? I'm a little puzzled. Even my second grader doesn't get show and tell anymore, but there is Hobby Week in a high school? That's just ridiculous. So we learn Jason is into martial arts (duh), Kim is into gymnastics (duh), and Zack is into surfing. I can't recall ever hearing about the surfing again and think he really ought to have danced for them instead, but what do I know? I'm just a reviewer with some semblance of a memory and a penchant for continuity. Trini brings in her doll collection. She is mocked for it, of course, but I think it's cute that Billy at least tries to shush Bulk and Skull. Aw. We also discover, from her lamenting at Trini's luck, Rita is sad and bitter because she had a lousy childhood. She watches their every move. It's creepy and obsessive, actually, much like Edward Cullen. *shudder*

We then find out Billy has built a volcano. In high school. When he probably built something bigger and better when he was, oh, 3 years old. This is Billy we're talking about. I mean, not three episodes ago he had built a device to read minds that ended up switching bodies, and here he is with... a volcano. Of course by the end of it, Bulk ends up covered in the contents of the volcano and then spits it out at Skull.

Mrs. Applebee sends them off like a kindergarten teacher with the homework of "For English, read chapter 4! Question Marks. Why do we need them?" This is supposed to be HIGH SCHOOL and they're learning about the necessity and purpose of QUESTION MARKS????? It's a wonder the intelligence level of Angel Grove isn't drastically lower what with the disturbing lack of quality in the public education system. Or maybe it is... after all, nobody really seemed to figure out who the Rangers are.

We are treated to a shot of Trini's house and then the creepiest room EVER. Her room is covered in dolls, all staring blankly at her as she climbs into bed. Creeeeppppyyyyy.

Next morning we see Billy unlock and open Trini's car door for her as he promises to help her find her missing Ticklesneezer. Awwwwww. So chivalrous. Little do they know, Squat snuck into her room last night and stole Ticklesneezer for Rita's nefarious plans (or to reclaim her sad, doll-less childhood, we're not entirely sure). I'd like to take a moment to give kudos for the set team. They have both Billy and Trini demonstrating proper seatbelt usage. Way to be safety minded, guys, good job!

Moving on, they come across Ticklesneezer and get sucked into his bottle to be his treasure. They cling to each other as they scream in terror and... never use the communicators to call for help. After a good 8+ hours of the doll missing (dream!Zordon!fail, seriously), Zordon finally contacts Jason, Zack, and Kim. They are sent to go fight Goldar (with wings!), Squat, Baboo, and a whole bunch of putties. But oh no, Kim is the only one able to hold her own! That's because she is awesome and Trini clearly knows this.

Ticklesneezer joins the party and Kim manages to rescue Billy and Trini from his bottle. Because Kim is awesome. And we have no clue what Zack and Jason are doing all the while, but whatever. There is a ridiculously long Zord sequence, they wrestle the bottle away, threaten Rita (yay, direct confrontation!), and then convince Ticlesneezer to return his "goodies" to the correct time and place. TIME and place? Time? Is Ticklesneezer's bottle the TARDIS or something?

But we soon forget that bit of confusion when we discover Trini is still asleep in her bed. Well goodness, it was all a dream! How could we have been so blind. She awakens to discover Ticklesneezer missing from her nightstand and oh no! We're all so scared that maybe it wasn't a dream after all. We discover Ticklesneezer has just fallen to the floor and it really was all just a dream. Tricksy writers, you sure fooled us (or, y'know, not). /sarcasm

Back in class for a continuation of Hobby Week, we find out Bulk and Skull's names are actually Farkus and Eugene. I don't get the knock on Eugene. It's a good, solid name! Anyway, they like parasites and bring in a flea circus. Billy actually looks interested and leans forward in his seat to see, but alas, the fleas have escaped and are now devouring Mrs. Applebee. The class laughs while their poor teacher writhes in itchy itchy agony.

This gets 4 fish. We were going to be generous with 3.5 since most of the wtf-ery can be explained by it being a dream, but really... hobby week and learning about question marks (and Billy building a volcano) in high school? We just can't in good conscious give it less than a 4.

List time!
Billy Speak: "my homemade volcano will expocate how eruption occurs when gas and lava gush forth from the opening." Okay, note here. We KNOW expocate isn't a word. The only word it could actually be is explicate, however Billy clearly says expocate, so that's what I wrote.

Covered in food: Bulk in volcano (counts as food I guess since it's baking soda), who then spits it on Skull. Bulk also gets cake all over his hand when he mimics Jason and Zack punching through boards... using chocolate cake.