Episode 132- Changing of the Zords Part 3

About all this episode taught me is that Aisha makes an awesome Jazzercise instructor, and never ever EVER trust Tommy around machines that drain/sustain your life. Seriously.

So we start off with Zedd in the Command Center and my little heart goes all aflutter at just how purely AWESOME this is. Tommy agrees to pilot the zords and then Zedd leaves while cackling maniacally. Totally wasted opportunity there, Zedd. He had the chance, he could have really taken out the Command Center. If he'd done so, this episode would have been over right then and there. Zedd and evil would have won.

In the dark dimension, Kat is observing Kimberly spin on the table as her life force is drained away. Kat is sorry it has to be that way. Her eyes flash red and then she gets a distraught look on her face (and for all the poor acting on the show, Katherine Sutherland really sold this on facial expression alone) and says she means it. She really doesn't want it to be that way. Kat is starting to break the spell.

Back in the Command Center, Billy is trying to track down Kim while Alpha tries to build a device that will sever Kim's life force from the power coin. He finally locates her in the dark dimension but is unsure how to get in there. The front door is apparently "locked". Tommy has a brilliant selection and, drawing from his last sparring match before Jason left town, suggests they go in the back door. Heeee, I'm a twelve year old boy inside. In all seriousness, it's actually a really good plan. They sneak in the back and sneak Kim out with Zedd being, hopefully, none the wiser.

Billy sets up his portal machine in the park. We have to wonder WHY this needs to be done in the park, out in the open, where anybody can see them. But whatever. We get sunlight shining in Billy's hair making him look all pretty, so I'll take it. Tommy goes through the portal, well aware of his time limit, and finds Kim.

Meanwhile, during a hootenanny on the moon that's chock full of hoot with just a little bit of nanny, Zedd notices a disturbance in the force the intruder, and sends Tengas down to take care of the other rangers while he goes to deal with Tommy. The rangers immediately go to Ninja Power and I lament the loss of the unmorphed fighting sequences. Aisha is awesome because she immediately rounds up a good six or seven of them and starts dancing. They follow her every move and instruction and she manages to lead a great Jazzercise class with the Tengas. She tells them to fall down, and they DO. Adam grows really big and appears to squish two of them, but really he just picks them up and flings them away. The others just fight but two Tengas manage to escape notice. They come upon Billy's device and one asks if the other knows what it is. The other says no, and then suggests they destroy it. And they do.

Meanwhile, Zedd goes down to the dark dimension where he's holding Kim and fights Tommy. I don't like Tommy, this much has been made clear, but the Zedd/Tommy battles are pretty epic and I admit, begrudgingly, that I'd totally watch a half hour of Tommy and Zedd fighting. Mostly because of Zedd. But still. Anyway, Tommy breaks Zedd's staff, which promptly turns into a snake. Tommy says the snake is just like Zedd "cold and slimy". He's wrong of course. Snakes are neither cold (cold blooded, yes, but they still need to be warm to live) nor slimy (reptiles are not slimy, amphibians are... snakes are most definitely not amphibians).

Back on Earth, the Tengas run away and Billy fixes the portal device in all of about five seconds, with not a hint of duct tape in sight. Rita, seeing her prize slipping away, orders Finster to make a monster. In the meantime, she summons the zords. They appear in the park with much ground shaking, and Rocky mentions that earthquakes don't happen in Angel Grove. Except for all the times that they do, Rocky. Anyway, Adam is sad they'll have to use the zords for evil and they all just kind of work under the assumption that Tommy failed already. Rita's new monster finished, she sends it down to Earth. It FLASHES the rangers. Like, literally. It opens it's jacket to reveal it's naked body covered in eyes and flashes them. I love this monster already! They of course have to morph and fight.

Back in the dark dimension, Tommy has driven Lord Zedd away. He tries to figure out how to turn off the device, but decides to just start messing with buttons and knobs instead. HE MESSES WITH BUTTONS AND KNOBS. On the device that is DRAINING KIM'S LIFE AWAY. That's... probably the dumbest thing Tommy has EVER done. Luckily he manages to shut the darn thing down instead of the more probable event of draining her life completely. He picks her up and takes her through the portal, just in time, as it closes behind him. She's still unconscious and he gets Zordon to beam her to the Command Center so he can go help the others fight the awesome Flashing Monster.

They climb in the zords and Billy manages to break them away from Zedd's power source, tying them into their own power source... which is never explained what it is, where it came from, how it works, and how Billy was able to do so in less than a minute. Anyway, the zords are now under ranger control. They come together and fight the Flashing Monster, now so big he could flash all of downtown Angel Grove in one go. First they just shoot confetti at the monster, but then they pull out the sword and, I must say, it's pretty cool because it's on fire. They, of course, finish the monster and save the day.

Back at the Command Center, Kim has mostly recovered. Alpha has managed to sever her life force from the power coin and she's feeling better. She can still be the pink ranger, if she draws power from the others, though it's only a temporary solution. Rita and Zedd still have her coin and the falcon zord (which somehow renders the other zords completely inoperable? Whatever).

On the moon, Zedd is distraught that he lost. Rita comforts him by telling him all the things they still have and how awesome they are. Then she handles his snake for a bit.

Back on Earth, Kim and Tommy are walking along the lake at sunset, with the water sparkling behind them. Kim tells Tommy she's scared. Tommy tells her he will always be her friend and then kisses her on the cheek (and TSB is sure they then have sex on the beach). Roll credits.


All in all, 4 fish. Because... well... it just didn't make sense.

Episode 127 - The Potion Notion

After the fail that was the last episode, we make up for it with the rarest of creatures, the ONE FISH episode. You guys, this episode was adorable and we love it and SO AWESOME. Whenever we need to be happy, this is going to be one of the episodes we watch.

(In case you were ever wondering about the difference between me and - she rewrites the recaps so that all the caps are removed, while I just go CAPS YAY!)

So, the episode begins with Bulk and Skull trying to butter up Tommy and Kim by saying how adorable they are. Turns out that they are trying to sell tickets for the Junior Policeman Ball. Tommy and Kim think this is a great idea, and Tommy buys tickets. Awww. Basically, Bulk and Skull are adorable, and Tommy and Kim are being really cute together. And you know my opinions on Tommy/Kim.

Up on the moon, it appears that being really cute is the theme of the episode, as Rita and Zedd are preparing for their second honeymoon. Goldar is acting like he's going to be sick, but we think that they're cute! Zedd tells Goldar that he's in charge and that Finster's monster had better be ready by the time they get back. When Rito goes to check on it, he finds out that Rita put a love spell on Zedd, and he sends the Cupid Monster thing down to Earth to spread looooooooove. And, you know, cause chaos.

Kim is the first victim of our invisible cupid monster, as she immediately falls in love with Skull. She plays lovestruck REALLY well. We feel really bad for Skull, because this is not the first time this has happened, but it is so adorable. Especially the look on Tommy and Bulk's face as Kim starts talking about how wonderful Skull is. *SHIPS SHIPS SHIPS SHIPS SHIPS*

The next victim is Lieutenant Stone, who falls for Ms. Applebee. Hey, it's another pairing I can TOTALLY get behind. ADORABLE.

Bulk is mocking Skull for what Kimberly was saying, when he gets hit with the spell, and falls for Aisha, who immediately thinks something is up. The Rangers all gather in the park, and Aisha asks if they noticed anything weird, and Tommy points to Kim. Billy wonders if it's a spell. GEE, YOU THINK?

The Tengas and Goldar show up, and there's a fight, and Kim is all "MUST PROTECT SKULL" and then they head back up to the Command Center, where Kimberly ponders different variations of her name with Skulls, and has a whispered conversation with Aisha that may or may not be about how she hooked up with Skull in the janitor's closet.

On Serpenterra, apparently Rito failed to charge the batteries, so Rita and Zedd are heading home. Goldar finds out that Rita had placed Zedd under a spell. Uh oh. Finster has to go around cancelling the love spell on everyone on Earth (including on Principal Caplan, who was also hitting on Ms Applebee.)

Poor Skull is sad when Kim runs back to Tommy. :( Aww, Skull. Don't worry, you'll find someone eventually!

Up on the moon, Rita accidentally gets hit with the love spell, and she falls for Goldar, who is freaked out. Finster quickly cancels it, and then Goldar tells Zedd that Rita had put him under the spell and Finster cancels it. but Zedd STILL LOVES RITA and makes Goldar apologize. ADORABLE.

Later, at the police dance, the BOYS ARE WEARING SUITS. SUITS. You may have noticed how we feel about this, but it is something AWESOME. AND THEN. Kim feels horrible about what she did to Skull so she goes to dance with him and tells him that they're friends, and it is the CUTEST THING EVER.

Aisha and Billy go off to dance, Ms. Applebee dances with Lt. Stone, and Rocky hits on some random girl, and then Adam and Tommy make out in a corner. I may have made that last part up. OR DID I?

Fish: ONE. CUTEST EPISODE EVER!!!!

Fic we want: SKULL/KIM. Also, Adam and Rocky being under the spell and not noticing.

Episode 111 - Wild West Rangers Part 2

Okay, let me get this out of the way first. This episode is filled with history fail and time travel fail and science fail, but I don't care. I love it so much. *draws millions of little hearts*

Previously, on Power Rangers - Kimberly is sent back in time in a ridiculously skimpy outfit, and I appreciate it a lot.

The episode opens with Kimberly and the Wild West Rangers confronting Goldar. Goldar welcomes them to Zedd & Ritaville, and I spend the rest of the episode singing Wasting away again in Zedd&Ritaville. (Some people claim that there's a Ranger to blame, but I know that it's Goldar's fault.)

For some reason the director chose to focus the shot on Kimberly's legs. I don't know what chose that particular artistic direction, but more power to the director. *shallow*

There's a particularly awesome fight, but sadly the Putties have all lost their horses. We guess the horses... ran away? Were scared by the fish? But they still have their hats and boots and vests, so it is a particularly great fight. And Kimberly morphs! We're not really sure how she managed to morph, because last time they got sent to the past, they couldn't morph. I'm guessing that maybe Zordon updated their morphers in the present after they got back from 17whatever? It doesn't really matter, because this episode is so filled with fish that it's way more fun to just smile, nod, and plot ridiculous AUs. (Ask me how the White Stranger is secretly the father of Jack from Newsies. Go on, I dare you.)

While Kimberly is fighting the Putties, One-Eye Bulk and Doc Skullivitch are escaping from jail. Well, they're trying, anyway. Bulk is stuck between the bars, because the show hasn't had a fat joke for a while. But then they see Kim, and decide that they will become famous by figuring out the identity of the Pink Stranger! (Um, really? New person in weird clothes comes to town? It isn't that hard.)

Kimberly teleports off to 1880s!Zordon, who has no idea that Angel Grove was being invaded. He... is not very good at this watching thing. But, it doesn't matter, because Kimberly has a plan! She tells Zordon she knows that Rita has the Green Coin, but she isn't sure what's with the other coins. Alpha tells her that they have them. According to Zordon, too much pink energy is dangerous (because Kim is just that awesome) but the other four coins can be used. That is...an awesome plan! You go, Kimberly!

Back in the future, there's some technobabble about chronitons or something, that will allow the Rangers to search the past to see Kim. They find Bulk and Skull first, and are amused at how similar past!them are to present!Bulk and Skull. (Bulk and Skull's grand plan involves pulling a diving rod out of Skull's ass.) And then they find Kim, who is giving the Power Coins to Rocko, William, Abraham and Miss Alicia. Zordon tells them that those teenagers are the first Earthlings to hold the Power Coins.

I am saying it right now, Kimberly created an alternate reality. All that's missing is Tommy randomly being evil with a beard. (Although if someone would like to write that AU, I would read it.)

The present!Rangers are suitably impressed, and Billy says "Prodigious" and both of us geek out. We missed Billy's dorkiness!

Back in 1880whatever, Kimberly and the Wild West Rangers are going through town. The awesome!Putties show up, and Rocky calls them VARMINTS. And I think it's about at this point that I'm just dead of laughter, which will continue to the end of the episode. The Wild West Rangers do pretty well for themselves - Rocky fights with a wash basin, Adam and Aisha dance, and Billy dodges, while Kimberly just kicks ass. (Billy doesn't believe in fisticuffs! ♥)

I... kinda ship past!Abraham/Miss Alicia. Except I ship Adam/Aisha, so that is just not working for me. But it would be SO CUTE and totally acceptable if this is completely AU, and someone should be writing this immediately.

Things are not going as well as it could, and then suddenly... It's the White Stranger! He shows up and is pretty ridiculous, and I am actually incredibly charmed by him in this episode. (Although that might be the champagne talking, IDEK.)

Kimberly grins at Goldar and tells him its time. William asks for what, and she yells that it's morphin time!

There are not enough words to express how awesome the 1880s costumes are. It is just so.... delightfully bad western movie. I'm completely and utterly charmed by it. And Adam and Aisha dance again. They are so adorable, I love them so much.

The Wild West Rangers fight, and for some reason we don't think that Johnny Yong Bosch or Karan Ashley were doing the voiceovers? It really doesn't sound like them. Anyway, the Wild West Rangers manage to push Goldar, the Putties and the Monster back through the time hole, so the past is safe!

However, now they need to deal with it in the future. Billy has come up with some not!science plan that involves their communicators to bring Kimberly back, but someone needs to go fight the monster. Tommy and Rocky morph and go fight, so that Billy can continue working and... Adam and Aisha can make out? Help Billy? Something. Sadly, Rocky and Tommy need help, so Billy needs to abandon his work so that they can go help form the megazord and defeat Needlenose.

After defeating the monster, everyone is very sad, because they think they might have lost Kim. They've only got one shot with Billy's device. Which works perfectly, of course, but why does the AU where Kimberly got stuck in the past not exist? (I firmly believe that the White Stranger in this time is a descendent of the version of Tommy that stayed behind in 1770something, making Tommy his own grandfather.)

Back in the 19th Century, the Wild West Rangers talk about how exciting this all was, and William totally had a crush on Kimberly (not that I blame him.) As the White Stranger rides off, we see 19th century!Kimberly in a carriage, staring at the White Stranger with a look on her face that says "Damn, that boy is fine." Oh, show. That... is really weird. I hope that they don't hook up! Unless it's an alternate reality where this doesn't lead to the Tommy and Kimberly we know. The episode ends with the White Stranger on his horse, cheering for the Pink Ranger. Because Kimberly is awesome.

Fish: 4. AHAHAHA It is ridiculous, but I love it SO MUCH.

Billy speak: "I've adapted these communicators to advance and adapt the teleporting mechanism to create a time hole."

Fic people should write us: More of this universe, please! (Also, the one where someone is researching in the library and they come across the legend of Calamity Kim and the Wild West Rangers.)

Episode 104- Return of the Green Ranger Part 1

As if we didn't know already, today we learn that this show is secretly The Tommy Show.

So we start out in class where the only teacher in Angel Grove is giving an assignment. Over the three day weekend, they are supposed to write a paper on what time period in history they'd like to have lived in. Later, around what looks to be a patio table with a large umbrella, they talk about the assignment. Kim would like to live last year when she missed an awesome sale because she was sick. I'm not so happy with this new direction for Kim's character (or rather, taking her previous personality quirk to this extreme). Rocky would like to be a Viking. Too bad they'd probably try to kill him instead. Tommy would like to live in the time of King Arthur, probably because he doesn't know anything about it and can't tell fact from fiction. Adam is ADORABLE and wants to live in the Renaissance because it seems very ROMANTIC. Oh Adam. Be more adorable. I dare you. Aisha is conspicuously left out on our viewing of this discussion, because the last we ever hear of it Billy wants to be Albert Einstein's assistant. Oh Billy, you and Adam are about tied for adorableness here.

Adam mentions that he can come up with much better things to do with his three day weekend and Rocky agrees very enthusiastically (and with quite a lecherous glance). We're sure they've spent many a three day weekend doing... ahem... OTHER things. Like each other.

Zedd comes up with a plan, but he's going to have to butter up his wife to do it. Wifey Management Skills (TM my Spousal Person)? Zedd has them! At least until he says no wife will ever fail him. That's less with the Wifey Management and more with the Fail the Wifey. Zedd's plan is to get Rita to talk to her old creation that can manipulate time. He wants to send the rangers back in time so they'll be nothing but a memory. Except if he sends them back in time and they can't find a way to get back, they won't have existed in the current time to even be a memory. Then they wouldn't exist for Zedd to send them to the past. So... uh... wibbly wobbly timey wimey... stuff. Just go with it, I suppose, because that's the only way time travel doesn't give me a headache.

So Rita goes and talks to the evil lords and complains about her husband making her do all the work on his evil plans, and the evil lords totally feel her pain and agree to let her call on her time manipulator dude. But she has to get rid of Tommy or the time travel thing won't ever work, because apparently Tommy is a quick thinker and good at leading or something. Time Dude is a FREAKY looking beast consisting of pretty much just black robes, a very bad black wig, and a face mask from HELL. I'm a full grown adult with Small Children of my own and this thing could easily give ME nightmares. Anyway, Time Dude finds Bulk and Skull and immediately puts them under a spell. He asks that they bring him a lock of Tommy's hair. Frankly, I don't know why he needs it. He has all of Tommy's hair in that atrocious black wig on his big scary head.

Bulk and Skull freak Tommy out and fail at getting the lock of hair. Meanwhile, Tommy and Kim don't notice Bulk and Skull are under a spell. As the past season and a half of under a spell has shown us, nobody EVER notices when somebody else is under a spell. It's like they are unintentionally blind to it.

Tommy and Kim part ways, and Tommy is met by the Time Dude. He actually remembers he has a communicator though and calls Zordon, who conveniently didn't notice the monster until Tommy alerted him to it's presence, despite it having been on Earth for quite some time. Fail!Zordon... or maybe just part of his evil plan to get rid of Tommy. We're not quite sure. The other rangers go to Tommy's aide and jump right into a putty fight. Billy is super pretty and Rocky looks like a cheesy 90's gay porn star with his half-undone shirt and floppy hair. Not that I've watched cheesy 90's gay porn and would know what to look for or anything. Ahem.

So the putties manage to get Tommy mostly captured and the Time Dude knocks him out so they can take a lock of hair. LJ user doctoraicha makes the best quote of the night. "HE JUST CUT OFF SAMSON'S HAIR!" Tommy wakes up with a wicked headache while Time Dude, off to the side, creates and Evil Green Tommy. Full of Light And Goodness White Tommy goes to lay down because of his headache. Evil Green Tommy calls the other rangers to the city limits sign on the outskirts of town... and then chews a toothpick. The rangers show up and we see Angel Grove has a population of 376,000. Evil Green Tommy meets them there and nobody notices anything amiss. Nobody stops to say "Hey, what's with the suddenly going all Green again, Bro?" and they agree to not call Zordon to figure out what the heck they're doing there. Instead, they get sucked into a swirling wind vortex by the Time Dude, while Evil Green Tommy cackles evilly and they all lament his return to evilness.

They end of in PRE-REVOLUTIONARY WAR Angel Grove. Y'know, Angel Grove CALIFORNIA. Which CAN NOT have existed in pre-revolutionary times. Those redcoats? Shouldn't be there. That population 124 sign? Shouldn't be there. The town? Shouldn't exist. HISTORY DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT. Nevermind the fact there is not a Latino face amongst the whole crowd! Really show? Really? Not a single Spaniard? No Mexicans? Nobody with an ounce of Spanish in their dialogue at all? CALIFORNIA with pasty white people with bad British accents? You REALLY went there show?

Uh, so, um, we figure this is just more evidence for Angel Grove being it's own country and it was under British rule during a much different time than the United States and so it's cool for them to be there in the late 1700's. And stuff. Ahem.

So people run and call them witches and then some random girl with an accent helps them hide from soldiers. Meanwhile, Full of Light And Goodness White Tommy is looking for Kim. He can't find her. He does find Evil Green Tommy who is still chewing on a toothpick, which I suppose is supposed to represent evil. Or something. Which isn't cool, show, but whatever.

List time!
5 fish. History... it makes no sense... and the time travel... and the... the... the... just, 5 fish.

No Billy speak, though he was gleefully excited at the mere thought of being Einstein's assistant.

Episode 79 - Two For One

Hey, there's a thread on to celebrate the awesome women of Power Rangers, and you should all go and post on it.

You know, I was checking earlier, and Tommy has had more episodes about him than any other Ranger. Sadly, we are continuing that trend today, although Kimberly also takes top billing.

We open at the Juice Bar, where Kim is prancing about in an absolutely ridiculous dress. She asks Trini what she thinks, and Trini tells her that it's adorable, and asks if it's for her date with Tommy. First of all, Trini, don't lie to her. That dress is awful. Second, don't encourage her. Before Trini can continue to lie to her, Richie brings over their (diet) soda, and we both sulk about that for a minute, and then Richie is ridiculously adorable and asks Trini to go study with him later. Study. Sure. Is that what they were calling it?

Anyway, Kim tells us a little bit more about her purse. Apparently it's the purse her mom took on her first date with her dad. There is so much wrong here I don't know where to start. 1-It isn't Kimberly's first date with Tommy. 2-Kimberly's parents are divorced, so this isn't a good sign for her continued relationship with Tommy. 3-That purse is FUGLY.

Bulk and Skull walk in, with a Power Rangers detector that was created by Bulk's cousin Waldo who goes to Angel Grove Tech. I'm going to refrain from a Where's Waldo joke, or trying to figure out where Angel Grove Tech is. And it is seriously the best detector ever - it has two settings "Power Rangers" and "Not Power Rangers". And it has smiley faces! Amazing!

So, Tommy shows up, all sweaty because he's been sparring with Jason. Kim asks if he's ready, and he tells her that it's only three, so he's got time. Of course, it's after four by this point, but whatever. Kim borrows Trini's lipstick, and waits for Tommy to finish showering.

Zedd and Goldar decide to ruin their date, and they'll turn Kim's purse and the stuff in it into two monsters, because Goldar wants one of his own. Now, I know we've been saying that they should have multiple monsters attack, but um, this was ridiculous. So they send putties down to attack Kim and Tommy, and Tommy is actually really adorable and romantic, asking Kim "May I have this dance?" and spinning her around before they go beat up some putties. They beat them, and then the purse gets turned into a monster. They morph, and the purse monster freezes them.

Zordon was apparently paying attention, because he calls the others. Jason and Zack were having a slap fight. It was pretty adorable. They actually spend most of the episode looking like they're about to make out, which pleases me greatly. Zordon explains that there are two monsters, and Trini and Billy are told to stay behind and figure out what piece of equipment will be able to unfreeze them. Jason asks Zack to go rescue Tommy and Kim, and they gaze soulfully into each others' eyes. Jason, meanwhile, will fight the lipstick monster with the giant phallic symbols by himself.

Zack immediately also gets frozen, and Jason calls his zord and starts to get his ass kicked. Billy and Trini eventually figure out how to free everyone, and they defreeze everyone else. While this is going on, Bulk and Skull follow their Ranger detector into the lake. After they get unfrozen, Tommy fights the purse monster by himself, while everyone else runs off to help Jason. He promptly gets tied up, so Saba saves the day and somehow the monster is destroyed. IDEK.

Meanwhile, the other Rangers all summon their zords, and it turns out that their zords have wacky powers! The unicorn zord can move boulders, the griffon shoots fire, and the firebird creates whirlwinds. (It's possible that the lion does something also, but we were too busy trying to figure out why Billy's zord was telekinetic.) Anyway, instead of forming the megazord, it turns out that Jason's zord just needed a ride? It jumps off of the others and hits the lipstick monster with its staff.

Kim gets her purse back, but there's no sign of the lipstsick. And Bulk and Skull find a bunch of kids. Pretty weak ending.

Fish: 4.5 Everything about this episode was ridiculous.

Billy speak: "The multiple arsenal must come from the paraphernalia from the receptical from which it was created."
"If only I could get the right coordinates on the refractor shield"

Covered in: Bulk and Skull fall in the lake

Episode 60 - An Oyster Stew

You guys, we have reached the end of season 1. It's amazing! When we started this blog back in March, it was mostly just for fun and because we were hanging out. But since then it's become something more, and I'm thankful to each and every one of you who reads and comments, and of course my co-recapper, queenriley. We're planning on putting up a season discussion post (of some sort) later on this week, but for now, let's just talk about this episode. Which we have a guest recapper for - my roommate doctoraicha was in the room while I was watching, and her comments need to be included. (She's responsible for the subtitle. She's never really seen Power Rangers before.)

And after a string of disappointing episodes, we got an amazing one today. In fact, this episode necessitated a change in the livejournal setting to adult concepts, because um, this monster was vaguely NC-17 and the recap is going to reflect that. queenriley and I were cackling through the entire thing. Seriously. AMAZING.


Godzilla and Voltron vs the Peen Monster

First, we have a Zack episode today! We love Zack. We also love Angela. In no way am I writing a ridiculous AU where Angela ends up a Ranger. Plus, Bulk and Skull get to be awesome. When we first see them, they are practicing for an audition. Aww, Bulk and Skull have musical talent! And they just want to be famous! This is pleasing to us. Meanwhile, Kimberly makes fun of them, leading my roommate to ask why the girl in pink is being such a bitch to them.

Zack, meanwhile, is trying to figure out how to impress Angela for her birthday. Because his previous "dates" with her have gone so well. So Zack tries to come up with ways, and his first thought is to buy her pearl earrings. What? Oh, ZACK. Honey. That just... is not going to end well. He's also planning on getting her a singing telegram and going on a double date with Tommy and Kimberly to a french restaurant. Zack, she hasn't even agreed to go out with you yet, this is not going to end well. *pets him* Maybe he should ask Jason instead? Jason would say yes.

Zack manages to ask out Angela, and when she hears "French cafe" she agrees to go along. Zack trying to work up the courage to ask her out is really adorable. We just want to hug him.

Rita has nothing better to do than spy on them, and when she hears that Zack wants to buy pearls for Angela, she creates an oyster monster, who possible beat out both the Terror Toad and the Pudgy Pig as our favorite monster. Seriously, this thing is amazing. It... well, it has a vulva for a head and a giant phallic thing that shoots pink goo out of it. We started laughing at this point and just did not stop. Especially when this episode features such dialogue as "I can take it!" or "Feeling a bit tied up? Let me help you unwind" followed by the monster shooting off a load of pink goo. There are not enough words to describe how amazing this is.




Anyway, Zack tries to find pearls for Angela, but everything is out of his price range. As he runs through the park a shady looking guy stops him, and offers to sell him some jewelery out of his trench coat. Zack is all "it isn't stolen, is it?" and the guy is all "No! It will help whoever you give it to fall in love" and oh, Zack, you are such an idiot. But Zack buys them (and doesn't even try to negotiate on the price, he's just all "is this enough?" and gives money to the guy) and we find out that the guy was actually a putty, who skips away. Also, the pearls that he bought are actually magical pearls of stillness. I want some.

At the restaurant, the menu turns out to be all in French. Zack orders for everyone. Oh, Zack, don't you remember what happened last time there was French cooking on this show? And you know, the name of the restaurant translates to "Snail's Head" which is amazing. Zack ends up ordering frog's legs. Oh, Zack. Then Bulk and Skull show up. Apparently they nailed their audition and now they do singing telegrams. Tommy makes fun of them, but at least they have jobs! They're adorable, honestly.

Zack gives Angela the pearl earrings, and now that he's given her expensive stuff, she loves him. Just as they are about to kiss, Bulk and Skull get knocked over, and food falls all over Zack and Tommy, who go to clean up. Meanwhile, in the park, Trini, Billy and Jason get attacked by putties, and they find out about the Oysterizer and the pearls, and realize that Zack is being used. Instead of using their communicators, they run to the restaurant. While Zack and Tommy are cleaning up, Angela puts on the clip on pearl earrings (oh, Zack, so cheap.) which causes everyone to freeze.

Tommy and Zack (unaffected, because they were in the bathroom, making me wonder what the point of Rita's plan is) go to the Command Center only to discover that the monster is more powerful underwater, so really, they should just use the Dragonzord to fight it, since we KNOW that Zord works underwater.

And then they go fight the Oysterizer, and... our conversation deteriorated really fast.
queenriley: Does that look like a penis?
TSB: yes, that does look like a penis
queenriley: hehehehe
OMG IT EVEN SHOOTS OUT GOO
OMG OMG OMG OMG
TSB: AMAZING
queenriley: alsdjfasldfjalhgoiaewgh
I LOVE THIS MONSTER
TSB: ME TOO
queenriley: AND MORE GOO
OMG I'M FALLING OUT OVER HERE THIS IS WONDERFUL
TSB: IT HAS A VULVA ON ITS HEAD

At some point during the fight while we were busy mocking the monster, Zack ended up wearing Tommy's Shield of Cheap Bling. Which was awesome, and it looks better on him than it does on Tommy. Zack did something and then the monster fell in the water and this broke the spell. We don't know how.

Back at the restaurant, everyone unfreezes, and the earrings disintegrates. Angela yells at Zack and leaves. Apparently Zack left Tommy behind at the beach. We don't know why he does that either. Zack pays for their meal (amazing!) and then the Rangers all morph. They summon the Megazord underwater, and then there are amazingly bad special effects and epic 80s hair band music. We're in love. Then the megazord destroys the monster's pearl.

TSB: I AM INTERPRETING THE DESTROYED THE PEARL IN THE WORST WAY EVER YOU HAVE NO IDEA
queenriley: OH I THINK I DO, I THINK I DO
TSB: THIS IS GOING TO BE AN R RATED RECAP
queenriley: IT SO IS
TSB: WE WILL HAVE TO CUT IT
HA. CUT IT
queenriley: AL:SKJALSDJFSLDFJSDLG
YES

Anyway, then they summon Dragonzord, because that can fight, and my roommate asks why Godzilla and Voltron are fighting a peen monster, and I fell off the couch laughing. The megazord cleans all the goo off of the Dragonzord, and then they destroy the Oysterizer. With teamwork!

Back at the Youth Center, Zack talks about learning a lesson about not spending money or something, because he's broke, but we're not sure what lesson he actually learned. Because really, Angela was only interested when he bought her stuff. But then he sings to Angela with help from Bulk and Skull, and then Angela kisses him. Awwww.

Basically, this was the best episode ever.

Fish: ONE. BECAUSE AMAZING.

Covered in food: Bulk, Skull, Tommy and Zack. Plus everyone gets covered in goo. Shot from the phallic thing.

Episode 56 - Enter the Lizzinator

At this point we've given up going by the order as posted, and we're just going by the way these episodes are on our shiny dvd sets. So even though this episode claims it is Fins and Needles, we're actually watching a Cheerleading episode.

So, we start off watching tryouts for the Angel Grove Junior High Cheerleading Squad. A random redhead is being focused on (I approve of all random redheads, just for the record) and wow, they are such bad cheerleaders. The cheer itself is horrible, and they also all suck. The random redhead sucks more than the rest of them, and ends up being late for the final word. Awkward. The random redhead turns out to also be a random relative. She is, in fact, Kimberly's cousin. Raise your hand if you're surprised that Kimberly was a cheerleader. Anyone? Bueller?

Apparently Kimberly was so awesome, that the Junior High still talks about her a few years later. So is Kimberly still cheering now, or did she quit when she got to high school, and honestly, who cares about Middle School Cheerleaders anyway? Perhaps Angel Grove High just doesn't have cheerleaders because a) they only have one teacher, so there's nobody to coach the cheerleading squad, and b) martial arts competitions don't have cheerleaders.

Meanwhile, on the moon, Rita decides what her life is lacking is her own personal cheerleader. So instead of capturing a good cheerleader, she decides to go after Kelly. Personally, I feel she should have just trained Squatt and Baboo.

Anyway, Random Relative (Kelly) is all sad that she is not as awesome as Kimberly, and Kim offers to help her. Kim is actually pretty lousy at cheerleading herself, honestly. Plus, when you teach these things you're supposed to mirror the person, so no wonder Kelly is messing up. Kelly gets frustrated and runs away.

Ernie asks Jason (and hi there, Jason's arms!) to go pick up a delivery across town, since some truck broke down. I hope you're paying him for that, Ernie. Or is Jason just trying to work off everyone's bill? That probably makes more sense.

Kimberly and Tommy find Kelly at the playground, and Kimberly gives what I assume is supposed to be an inspiring speech, while Tommy stands around looking creepy. Then they get attacked by putties, and I'm pretty sure we spent the whole fight scene discussing how I still think Kimberly's fashion sense is awesome. Just as the fight ends, Squatt and Baboo kidnap Kelly, and drag her off to the cave of captivity. Kimberly and Tommy forget they have communicators, and they run over to the Youth Center to get Zack, Trini and Billy.

Meanwhile, Jason is picking up Ernie's delivery, when he gets attacked by the Lizzinator. At first we're totally confused as to why he's called the Lizzinator, and then he starts to talk. It's actually a Terminator joke, or really a governator joke. Oh, show. Sometimes I love you so much. (The monster still looks nothing like a lizard. Seriously.) Anyway, the monster beats Jason up, and then tells him it was too easy, and maybe more Rangers will present more of a challenge, and then he runs away.

At the Command Center, Zordon tells them that the Lizzinator is incredibly powerful, and Alpha presents Billy with a grocery scanner readout that says that the monster is really powerful. Nothing can penetrate its skin. Kimberly is all upset because apparently if they can't defeat it, they'll never find Kelly. Also, if they can't defeat it, then Rita will, you know, take over the world. I feel that Kimberly's priorities are skewed. Tommy says he'll go with them to fight, but they suddenly all remember that Tommy's powers are limited. Continuity! It's a miracle!

They go to the Inexplicably Abandoned Rock Quarry, and there are a lot of putties. Including a driving!putty, and we start talking about how probably thinks this scene is awesome. However, we've also decided that it would be even better if it was a driving!pumpkinhead!putty. This should happen. Plus, the driving!putty punches Jason in the face. This is hilarious to us.

Anyway, Jason is getting beaten up, when Tommy shows up to save his boyfriend, even though Jason is all "no! you're so weak!" and then Jason promptly swoons. Booooooooyfriends. (I only find Tommy tolerable when he's dating Adam Jason.) There's a fight, and other things, but honestly, I'm not so much in this for the fight scenes. Oh, and at some point they summon Zords, the Dragonzord gets thrown around in a way that made us start yelling about how physics doesn't work like that (The Lizzinator held the DragonZord completely upright over his head by gripping the end of his tail), and eventually the Rangers summon Titanus and win. At least it wasn't just the power sword this time.

In the Cave of Captivity, Kelly is just sitting on a rock, thinking of what Kimberly would do. She remembers that Kimberly told her to have faith in herself, and comes up with a plan. Um, I am fairly sure that Kimberly was talking about cheerleading, not fighting monsters. Idiot child! Kelly's grand plan involves writing the worst cheer ever and teaching it to Squatt and Baboo, who are talking about cheeseburgers. It is even worse than the Pumpkin Rapper. (Okay, not quite. But it is close.) Along with teaching them a cheer (that doesn't rhyme) about how Rita always loses to the Power Rangers, Kelly makes them spin around repeatedly, and they get dizzy. Squatt and Baboo then teleport out of the cave, leaving Kelly alone.

Now that Kelly is safe, the Rangers show up, and Kelly is very unenthusiastic about being rescued. Seriously, kid, I would be milking this for weeks! But no, she's just all "oh, hi there!" Maybe she knows that Kimberly is a Ranger and she doesn't want to look dorky in front of her cousin.

Then the episode ends. It was pretty good!

... Okay, that isn't actually what happened. What happens next is that the episode veers straight into high fish territory. Even though the tryouts were supposed to be that same afternoon, everyone is wearing different clothes. A group is doing a cheer, and then it's Kelly's turn. She doesn't cheer, but she instead does a dance, so I have no idea why she was practicing the cheer anyway, since all she had to do was dance.

Kimberly and Kelly are both horrible to Bulk and Skull, and there's more fatphobia, and I cannot even deal.


Fish: If it had ended before the last few minutes, I would have given it 2, maybe 2.5 because of the ridiculous monster name. But since the last few minutes happened, it's being bumped up to a 4.

Fanart that needs to exist: Squatt and Baboo: I can has cheezburger?

Episode 54 - Trick or Treat

Happy Halloween! In honor of tomorrow's festivities, we're watching a Halloween episode! (Okay, so it was next on the list anyway.)

Today on Power Rangers - Kimberly and Skull participate in the world's most ridiculous game show, nobody knows what a trick question is, and everyone tries to rap!

The episode opens with Kimberly on the balance beam, and her outfit is adorable and so incredibly early 90s. She's got a giant pink headband and a pink hoodie and leggings. Oh, Kimberly. Never change. ♥ She gets off the beam when she sees Trini and Tommy and tells them that she has some news for them. I honestly thought her news was going to be that the three of them should all hook up, but instead Kimberly tells them that she's going to be on a game show called Trick or Treat. This is apparently the highest rated game show in the country Angel Grove is so its own country and millions of people will see her. Apparently if she wins, she'll get a new car.

The show will apparently be next Saturday, and Tommy sadly tells Kimberly that he won't be there, because there's an inter-city karate tournament. I guess he needs to do his part to support Angel Grove's economy, but his girlfriend is going to be on a gameshow! He should go support her! Tommy is a faily!boyfriend.

Kimberly wonders who her opponent will be, and Bulk and Skull walk in. Apparently she'll be up against Skull. If I was Kimberly, my reaction would be "yay! The car you win as a prize is totally mine!" but she doesn't say that. However, Skull ends up covered in guacamole.

Up on the moon, Goldar suggests to Rita that they grow a Pumpkin Rapper monster. I start getting flashbacks to the Almost Got 'Im episode of Batman: The Animated Series. Which is possible, since Batman exists in the Power Rangers universe. (If I point this out often enough, will someone eventually write crossover fic?)

Apparently while Rita is planting pumpkins without Zordon noticing, it's Saturday! Trick or Treat is the weirdest game show ever. The rules make no sense. Everyone is in costume (the Rangers have all gone Ren Faire, although the SCA would be horrified by their costumes). Skull is a prisoner escaped from detention, and it says 24601 on his chest, and I start flailing. Oh, SKULL. The point of the game is to ask trick questions, except nobody has ever heard of trick questions. Instead it's really just stump the host.

Kimberly's first question is "Can you tell me the identity of the Power Rangers?" Since the host obviously cannot, she gets a pumpkin point and then gets to participate in a bonus game, which involves getting strapped to the Wheel of Misfortune, which has nothing to do with the episode of the same name. Really, I don't think spinning her around on a wheel is the best idea when she's wearing a skirt.

Skull's turn. His question is "What is the name of my best friend?" Seriously, how is this a trick question? I feel that they don't know what that phrase means. The worst part is that Skull needed Bulk's help with that! He was cheating to come up with that question. Seriously, Skull, if you can make a Les Mis joke, you can do better than this. But he gets his pumpkin point, and then does some weird mini game involving a spider.

Meanwhile, Tommy is walking through the park to get to his karate tournament, and he comes upon a field of pumpkins. He gets attacked by putties. How awesome is the Green Ranger themesong? If only Tommy was as awesome as his song. He actually calls Zordon on his communicator after, and is told to go onto his tournament, and the Rangers will call him if they need him.

Alpha is sad, as he was cheering on Kimberly. If Kimberly gets one more point, she wins the game. Unfortunately, she looks into the audience and sees the other Rangers tapping their communicators urgently, so instead of just asking her last question and then winning, she fakes fainting and then the others carry her off. Skull wins the car. Amazingly, nobody tries to call a doctor after Kim faints, they just let her leave.

Okay. Here's the thing. They could have left her there to win and then called her in later, like they were doing for Tommy. Or they could have given her another 30 seconds to win the game. There was no need for her to forfeit. Fail, show!

Anyway, the Rangers all teleport to the Command Center, and Zordon fills them in about the Pumpkin Rapper. They go to the pumpkin patch, and as soon as they pick pumpkins up, four of the Rangers get pumpkins over their heads! Billy and Jason use that opportunity to end up in a fairly compromising position. Kimberly, who was unaffected by the pumpkins, shoots Jason in the head, and the pumpkins fall off. Jason makes a comment about cutting his off, and I fall over laughing.

Meanwhile, we get a fight with pumpkin putties! They are so awesome. More putties like this! After beating the pumpkin putties, they find a giant pumpkin, which they assume will be the pumpkin rapper, and they decide to wake it up. With the worst rap I've ever heard.

Kim: "T-t-t-trick or treat"
Billy: "You're incomplete"
Jason: "Til the Power Rangers you can beat"
Trini: "All you are"
Zack: "is pu-pu-pu-pumpkin meat"

Owwwwwwww.

This wakes up the Pumpkin Rapper, who I really feel should have been more like Jack Pumpkinhead. The Rangers need help, so they call Tommy just as he's about to participate in the tournament finals. Instead, he leaves, forfeiting his match to go help. Too bad for the economy. He charges at the Pumpkin Rapper while the other Rangers summon their weapons, and then they blow him up. I do love the power weapons.

The next day (we guess) Kim is sad about the car. I would be sad too! Tommy is also sad about it, we assume because he wanted to spend time in the backseat. Bulk and Skull drive up in their new car I will not make a joke about them being boyfriends when someone from the show comes and busts them for cheating. They lose the car. Part of Bulk's mummy costume gets stuck in the door. You can guess how this ends.


Fish: 4.5 I love this episode, but it makes no sense. I mean, just the rules (and I use the word loosely) for the game show. And then Kimberly not getting to finish. Seriously, fish.

Billy speak: "She seems to have experienced a slight cardiac infarction"
"It sounds as though they are devoid of any internal substance"

Covered in food: Skull gets covered in guacamole. Also, the spider spits something on him.

Pumpkin Rapper speak: "Oh you rangers make me mad, waking me up with a rap that bad"
"You think that's something you can do? Well I've got some friends who'd like to meet you!"
"Welcome to my pumpkin patch, perhaps you'd like to play some catch?
"Be the first ones on your block to feel the mega pumpkin shock"
"You cut my vine, but you're still mine"
"Better run fast or you'll feel the blast"

Quotable quotes: "Hasta la pumpkin, squash brain."

Episode 52 - Two Heads are Better Than One

This episode sucked AND it pissed me off.




... Apparently I still have to do a recap. Fine. Tommy and Jason are teaching a women's self defense class. Good for them, although I would have liked Trini to have been the one teaching it. But then we get to their advice. Which apparently boils down to yell really loudly and always use the buddy system. Because, you know, if you walk by yourself you'll be raped and it will totally be your fault and WHAT THE HELL SHOW. Rage blackout number 1. (There was a lot more cursing and a lot more all caps in the first draft of this post.)

Also, apparently they're just teaching the moms of Angel Grove. Because if you're not in high school you must be a mother and it isn't like there are any single women. Or maybe they should just stay at home by themselves.

Anyway, class ends, and the Rangers all go to try Ernie's new drink. I guess all the money from the reward paid off. Bulk and Skull show up, wanting to join the class that Jason and Tommy are teaching. The boys point out that the class is over, and then Trini reminds them that it is a women's self defense class. Bulk and Skull say that they just want to meet babes, like Kimberly, and then Skull sniffs her hair, and in context it is so incredibly inappropriate that I have rage blackout number 2.

Apparently this episode is supposed to be about teamwork or something, because Rita creates a monster that has two heads, since that's better than one. They repeat that a lot. Tommy and Jason get attacked in the park and they morph. Jason wants to fight, but Tommy wants to retreat. I guess this is also the Tommy and Jason need to learn how to get along episode. Which already happened once.

So, they go with Tommy's plan and teleport to the Command Center instead of just calling for help. Apparently the way to defeat the ridiculous bird thing is to feed it a pamango fruit. Hey, guess what type of drinks Ernie was serving earlier! Gee, I wonder if this will be relevant. Tommy goes to the park to go climb a tree and find a fruit, but he gets attacked by putties and they steal the pamango. I guess that there was only one tree and that tree only had one fruit. Right. Whatever. But seriously, if it's native to Angel Grove, couldn't they have gone to a grocery store?

Instead, Tommy goes to Ernie and feeds him a bullshit story about how he bought Kim a parrot and the parrot needs a pamango. Ernie humors him and gives him the fruit (I am firmly convinced that he assumes it was for Ranger related reasons and was amazed at the sheer stupidity of Tommy's lie) and Tommy goes off to join the other Rangers, who have been fighting the monster. Apparently Jason is failing at teamwork because he didn't wait for Tommy? Because this monster is too smart for them? I fail to see how waiting for Tommy will improve their chances. Anyway, Tommy shows up with the fruit and the monster fights over the fruit. It reminds us of gooney bird eggs. Rita makes the monster grow, and they summon Titanus and defeat it. (Side note - it seems that Tommy is way more powerful than the rest of them, but isn't he operating on limited power?)

Back at the Youth Center, Ernie asks Kim about her parrot, but apparently Tommy never bothered to tell her about the lie, so she's totally confused. Bulk and Skull interrupt the women's self defense class, and it is time for rage blackout number 3. Jason and Tommy allow Bulk and Skull to be the attackers in the self defense class, and the moms beat them up. Which I actually have a problem with, because you need to learn how to take a fall, and they could have been actually hurt, and basically everything about this episode upset me.

I fail to see how the last line of "two moms are better than one" is relevant anyway. Or why this episode was about teamwork. It is now stricken from my personal canon.


Fish. FIVE FISH. Between the rage inducing and the fact that the plot made no sense there's nothing else we could give it.

Billy speak: "It's a mixture of ananas comosus, cydia fruit, and carica fruit" (seriously? Google tells us it is actually Cydia FRUIT MOTHS. I'm really grossed out now.) (We're hoping that he actually said SANDIA fruit, which is watermelon. But it sure didn't sound that way.)
"By doubling it's cranial capacity, Rita has created a..."
"Perhaps we could distract it with it's favourite food. Parrots do like fruit."

Quotable Quotes: Polly want a megazord?

Episode 35- The Green Candle Part 2

Today on Power Rangers, Tommy tries his hand at being the Emo Ranger. He fails miserably, leaving that spot open to be claimed (quite successfully) at a later date.

We left off with a candle made of "special" wax burning down in Rita's Dark Dimension. It's going to steal Tommy's powers when it burns down completely. Nobody has thought to just blow it out.

In a matter of about five seconds of trying, Alpha has located the door to the dark dimension. Billy has also managed to somehow, in the span of said five seconds, build a machine that will create a portal that will take them through said door of the dark dimension. Okay then.

Jason and Tommy argue over who gets to go and Tommy eventually caves. There's a whole spiel about trusting your friends and stuff, but the dialogue is so awkward and the acting is so bad, I really kind of just glazed over during that part as a coping mechanism. Tommy wishes his friends good luck (after they've left, mind) in the most insanely melodramatic line of the series up to this point. Emo Ranger attempt? Emo Ranger FAIL.

So the five original rangers teleport to the park in the exact spot the putties kidnapped Tommy last time. Billy's machine is a molecular tracking machine and will follow the path of the molecules of the putties. Or something. It's ridiculous looking and works just like the third gym in Pokemon. Seriously.

Before they can activate it, however, Bulk and Skull climb an insanely steep hill that was never there before and has the most ridiculous sideways plants (seriously, sideways). They taunt the rangers a bit and even Billy tries to get in on the action. Zack gets Bulk to charge straight into a trash can which then rolls down said steep hill and Skull, in a moment of adorable sweetness, goes tumbling after of his own free will. He helps Bulk out of the trash can with great care and concern. Dawwwwww.

Meanwhile, Tommy has another over-dramatic conversation with Zordon about how he knows Jason will save him, except Jason totally won't. Emo Ranger attempt 2, Emo Ranger FAIL 2. He then has to go fight the Cyclops monster all on his very own because the original team mission is too important to pull them away... and the whole Cyclops thing is totally a distraction anyway. Tommy's use of 'git' instead of 'get' really irritated me this scene, but all is forgiven when he says "It's Morphin Time!" because he says it with such unbridled enthusiasm. He's much better at the call than Jason.

So Tommy calls on the DragonZord and fights Cyclops, who has taken the form of the MegaZord. It's mostly just filler, but Cyclops at one point shoots a laser out of his eye and we squee like the hopeless fangirls we are. If only it had been red...

Anyway, back at the park, Billy gets his invention all lined up, they activate it, and Jason goes through. Alas, he finds Goldar guarding the Green Candle which sparks ominously. They have a bit of a fight and really, we think Goldar just wants to grope Jason inappropriately. Jason may not be entirely against this because, well, he doesn't even try to morph... he just kind of dances around.

I'm curious here, though. The portal closed behind him so how is he supposed to get back? When the scene goes back to the park, the others are just standing around with inactive poles of whatever it is that Billy invented. And they expect Jason to come back how? I don't even know, but they have to reactivate it so Zack can go through and rescue his boyfriend because Jason is taking way too long to just grab a candle and run. Zack tells Jason they have the choice of getting the candle and saving Tommy's powers, or going back and fighting to save Tommy's life. Goldar just... lets them go? What? I don't... what? He lets them choose and just... walk out. Um... FAIL!

The original five morph and join the battle. They immediately summon Titanus to form the UltraZord, knock out Cyclops, and then teleport to... the Command Center? What? Why not just go back to the park to go through the portal to get the candle? I don't even know.

But it doesn't matter because mid-fight the candle burnt out anyway. Tommy is still morphed, however. The candle, tied to his POWERS, is burnt OUT and Tommy is STILL a ranger. Zordon convinces Tommy to surrender his power coin to Jason as it's apparently the only way to save himself. Jason then acquires the gold foamy-looking shield and Dragon Dagger. And Tommy is STILL MORPHED. What the hell, show? No really? You've driven me to foul language, show, and that just saddens me. So the POWER that was supposed to be GONE when the candle BURNT OUT is now with Jason. And it doesn't go away and it doesn't turn him evil and it doesn't do anything. And Tommy, finally, force demorphs. It's about damn time. He attempts to be Emo Ranger again and, because he desperately needs some acting lessons, FAILS yet again. Attempt and fail 3.

About one day later, Kim finds Tommy in the park. Tommy is showing off some of his moves, per usual. They have a very sad and emotional (Emo Ranger attempt 4, Emo Ranger FAIL 4) conversation in which we discover everybody misses Tommy a lot. Kim especially misses him. Uh, guys? It's been, like, a day. You go to the same school. You have ALL the same classes (as it's not like his schedule changed as soon as he lost his power or anything). HOW IN THE WORLD can you miss him THAT much???

Tommy is overcome with emotion. He leans in, kisses Kimberly in the first on-the-lips-intended-for-romance kiss of the show, and then they act all happy and relieved. He asks her to the dance, she freaks him out by turning away, and then says of course she will. It's just painful to watch.

List time!

Fish: 5. FIVE fish. We gave it five because that's our max limit, but really this episode deserved 87.

No Billy speak

Nobody covered in food either, though Bulk ends up rolling down a hill in a trash can.

Episode 34 - The Green Candle - Part 1

I am back from Dragon*con! I'm sorry for missing Saturday's recap, but I was busy having a fabulous time at the con. I went to a lot of panels including one where I talked about writing power rangers porn, and I did some shopping including buying two seasons of Power Rangers and basically I had a wonderful time. But now I am home, and mostly recovered, and it is time for a recap!

I've got to say, watching Power Rangers on the tv is so much better than watching it on youtube. Anyway, we open with Tommy and Zack sparring. Tommy is wearing the universe's most ridiculous shirt, although it is way better than some of his other outfits, and Zack has on those purple pants again. For some reason, Zack is encouraging Tommy to ask out Kimberly. Doesn't he know what will happen to her personality? And also, wait, they seriously aren't dating yet? Huh. (Also, the board that Tommy breaks during this conversation was clearly already broken.)

Meanwhile, on the moon, Rita has a new plan to defeat the Power Rangers. Or at least get rid of Tommy. Apparently she has a candle made out of magic wax that will make him join her forever! She pulls out a tiny version of her wand and places it over a map of something that is definitely not California (seriously, Angel Grove is its own country) and tells it to locate Tommy.

While Rita is discussing her plans, Tommy is failing at sparring. Zack's cunning plan was to distract Tommy with thoughts of Kimberly! Tommy tells Zack that if it is so easy to ask someone out, why doesn't he try. Zack tries to impress Angela, and gets shot down, and I laugh a lot. Not that I'd be able to resist Zack. Oh, Zack, you can dance for me any time.

Bulk and Skull make fun of Tommy and Zack, reciting bad poetry about how no girl would ever go out with them. Then there is supposed wackiness that involves Bulk and Skull falling over and Zack and Tommy laugh at them, but seriously, why is it not season 2 yet so we can get some character development for those two?

Kimberly and Tommy are walking through the park. Tommy has changed shirts, but now the green of the shirt clashes with the green of his pants, so I'm not sure this is an improvement. Kim has a leotard on under her dress. (Look, there were some awesome cosplayers at the con, I am in a pay attention to the clothing type of place.) Tommy has just started to ask Kim a question, after a really awkward "Can I ask you a question?" "You can ask me anything, we're friends, right?" type conversation, when putties show up. Yay for cockblocking putties! As long as the one being cockblocked is Tommy, anyway.

There is a seriously awesome unmorphed fight scene, except somehow Kim's morpher gets dropped. Goldar shows up and takes Tommy to the dark dimension, and seriously, Kimberly is right there and has been separated from her morpher, and they just leave her? I know Rita is obsessed with Tommy, but I thought the point was to try and get rid of all the Rangers eventually. Evil is seriously dumb.

So Tommy is trapped in the Dark Dimension, with Kimberly still in the park screaming for Tommy, and Rita has apparently had Finster create a monster called Cyclops. I am really sad that it isn't Scott Summers. (You have no idea how badly I want the Power Rangers to fight the X-Men. I totally wrote a ridiculous AU fanfic where Billy and Kimberly turned out to be mutants when I was 11. It was awesome.) Instead the monster is a shape shifter with one eye. Not nearly as cool or as hardcore as Scott Summers.

After Tommy has been kidnapped, Zordon apparently managed to pay attention and the original five Rangers are in the Command Center, trying to locate the Dark Dimension. Seriously, didn't they manage to locate it during the Green With Evil Saga? Serious Zordon Fail.

Anyway, as they try to come up with a plan, the Dragon Zord starts attacking Angel Grove. Of course, since we were just told that Rita had a shape shifting monster 30 seconds ago, it is clearly not the Dragon Zord. Plus, Zordon says that it doesn't appear to be the Zord.

Tommy and Goldar are fighting, and there isn't nearly as much inappropriate Goldar/Tommy subtext as there is Goldar/Jason. Goldar has to go leave for some reason, so he uses the worst special effects ever to bind Tommy's hands, and Tommy just stands there, because apparently if your hands are in shackles you can't move at all or try to blow out the damn candle or whatever. (They keep stressing that when the candle burns down Tommy will work for Rita. Now, if they mean that the candle has to go out, that is one thing. But why not just blow out the damn candle so it doesn't burn down? Or else be more clear. Seriously, episode.) Tommy is seriously useless.

The other Rangers summon the Zords in the longest sequence ever, and my roommate walks into the room and says "Look! It's Voltron!" and then I miss most of the fight scene to try and explain the difference.

Goldar comes back and Tommy manages to steal his sword and teleport back to the park. Seriously? How does he know how to use that magic? I don't even know what is with that. Tommy tries to call his zord, but apparently his powers are weakening already or something. They don't quite defeat the Cyclops, because it will totally be back next episode. Whatever.

At the Command Center, Alpha is scanning Tommy, because apparently you can be damaged crossing dimensions. Did they scan Jason when he came back from the Dark Dimension? I'm pretty sure they did not. Jason remembers Rita's Dark Dimension as being a bad place, and I cannot stop giggling. There's a bullshit explanation for how the candle works, but basically Tommy touched the wax or something while he worked for Rita and that is how they are going to make him evil again. Everyone is very sad, and they're going to have to get the candle back.

To be continued, but not until tomorrow.


Fish: 3.5. It isn't quite as out there, but the logic about how the candle works, and leaving Kim behind like that is pretty bad.

Billy speak: "He's scanning Tommy for internal damage due to crossing dimensions."

Nobody gets covered in food, but Bulk nearly chokes on his own jacket. I don't even know.

Episode 31- Calamity Kimberly

Well I have my beers all settled here beside me and I'm ready to start this episode. It's not one of my favourites, never has been. Thank you, Mr. Guinness, for helping me get through it.

We start off in a ginormous bedroom. I've never seen master bedrooms this big, nevermind second bedrooms. It's also decorated like a hotel from the 1950's. This is definitely not a teenagers bedroom.

Kim doesn't want to get up with the alarm and manages to break her lamp and then fall out of bed while trying to turn it off. She is horrified by her bad hair and I just want to point her to the shower and tell her about this magical thing called water and shampoo. It gets rid of bed head! Fantastic invention, that.

The day turns out rainy and she breaks a mirror. Meanwhile, Rita is stalking the rangers again and thinks now would be a good time to go after Kim, since she's having a bad day and all.

At school, Kim's umbrella has broken so she's soaking wet and she got mud all over her pep rally plans. I was unaware there were planning stages to pep rallies, but then, I never attended them myself, choosing to hide in the theater or library instead. Kim's worried Tommy won't find her attractive and I can't say I've ever met a straight man that didn't like seeing hot young women in wet clothing. Just saying, is all.

Bulk and Skull tease her a little and Tommy tells them to stop. Bulk teases him instead and Tommy pushes Bulk onto a wet floor, sends him sliding through dirty mop water, and then throws him into the mop bucket. Tommy actually planned this, taking in where the spilled mop water and bucket were and then positioning himself to throw Bulk in there. That was HORRIBLE and far worse bullying than calling Tommy a name.

Everybody laughs, however, and then Tommy sets up a date with Kim for after school. They meet at a surprisingly dry park (no mud, dry wooden picnic tables, does nothing hold water in Angel Grove?) and just when Tommy manages to make Kim feel a little better, she trips and he has to catch her. I suspect we're supposed to find this romantic. I just find it annoying.

Rita sends down the Samurai Fan Man to capture Kim in his unbreakable bottle and transport her to an alternate dimension. He manages to suck her in and the wind knocks Tommy out in the process. I don't know how, it just did. Meanwhile, trapped in the jug, Kimberly spends the next however long screaming Tommy's name. And so it begins.

Zordon, in another moment of Epic Win, was actually paying attention this time. He calls Jason, who answers his communicator in the middle of the Youth Center, and tells them to teleport immediately. Jason and Zack stop girl-fighting and they all teleport just outside the main entrance to the Youth Center. There is a very convenient lounge chair in the middle of the Command Center and Alpha teleports Tommy directly onto it. Apparently he has a concussion or something.

They share a bit of the most awkward dialogue EVER in existence and Jason unenthusiastically says "It's Morph... oh whatever, you know the rest." Well, okay, technically he said "It's Morphin Time." but it might as well have been "whatever" for all the feeling he put into it.

They go after the Samurai Fan Man at the Putty Patrol Restaurant which we have never heard of and will never hear of again. Alas, too bad, it looked like a fun place to hang out. They get blown away by the Fan Man, however, and Alpha reverses their teleportation direction. Wha??? I'm lost.

The only cool thing about this fight is we get to see Giant Goldar take on all the Zords individually. That was awesome. But it fails because the Fan Man is there and somehow beats the crap out of them. With his fan. Tommy is somehow roused from his groaning, concussed state and insists on morphing to help, but DragonZord gets blown away too. They call on Titanus, manage to break open the unbreakable jar, set Kimberly free, form the UltraZord, and then... win the fight pretty much instantly.

Back at Billy's garage, which is apparently the happening place to be since they all spend so much time there, Billy is covered in grease and working on the RadBug. The others are hanging out inside his garage and watching an old television. Mr. Reporter Guy starts a story on Who Are the Power Rangers and Kim reveals she is secretly Jubilee by blowing up the television. Everybody laughs. The end.

List time:
Covered in food? Nobody
Billy Speak? None

Fish? 3.5 for being more boring than anything else
Beers consumed to get me through it? 2.5