Episode 104- Return of the Green Ranger Part 1

As if we didn't know already, today we learn that this show is secretly The Tommy Show.

So we start out in class where the only teacher in Angel Grove is giving an assignment. Over the three day weekend, they are supposed to write a paper on what time period in history they'd like to have lived in. Later, around what looks to be a patio table with a large umbrella, they talk about the assignment. Kim would like to live last year when she missed an awesome sale because she was sick. I'm not so happy with this new direction for Kim's character (or rather, taking her previous personality quirk to this extreme). Rocky would like to be a Viking. Too bad they'd probably try to kill him instead. Tommy would like to live in the time of King Arthur, probably because he doesn't know anything about it and can't tell fact from fiction. Adam is ADORABLE and wants to live in the Renaissance because it seems very ROMANTIC. Oh Adam. Be more adorable. I dare you. Aisha is conspicuously left out on our viewing of this discussion, because the last we ever hear of it Billy wants to be Albert Einstein's assistant. Oh Billy, you and Adam are about tied for adorableness here.

Adam mentions that he can come up with much better things to do with his three day weekend and Rocky agrees very enthusiastically (and with quite a lecherous glance). We're sure they've spent many a three day weekend doing... ahem... OTHER things. Like each other.

Zedd comes up with a plan, but he's going to have to butter up his wife to do it. Wifey Management Skills (TM my Spousal Person)? Zedd has them! At least until he says no wife will ever fail him. That's less with the Wifey Management and more with the Fail the Wifey. Zedd's plan is to get Rita to talk to her old creation that can manipulate time. He wants to send the rangers back in time so they'll be nothing but a memory. Except if he sends them back in time and they can't find a way to get back, they won't have existed in the current time to even be a memory. Then they wouldn't exist for Zedd to send them to the past. So... uh... wibbly wobbly timey wimey... stuff. Just go with it, I suppose, because that's the only way time travel doesn't give me a headache.

So Rita goes and talks to the evil lords and complains about her husband making her do all the work on his evil plans, and the evil lords totally feel her pain and agree to let her call on her time manipulator dude. But she has to get rid of Tommy or the time travel thing won't ever work, because apparently Tommy is a quick thinker and good at leading or something. Time Dude is a FREAKY looking beast consisting of pretty much just black robes, a very bad black wig, and a face mask from HELL. I'm a full grown adult with Small Children of my own and this thing could easily give ME nightmares. Anyway, Time Dude finds Bulk and Skull and immediately puts them under a spell. He asks that they bring him a lock of Tommy's hair. Frankly, I don't know why he needs it. He has all of Tommy's hair in that atrocious black wig on his big scary head.

Bulk and Skull freak Tommy out and fail at getting the lock of hair. Meanwhile, Tommy and Kim don't notice Bulk and Skull are under a spell. As the past season and a half of under a spell has shown us, nobody EVER notices when somebody else is under a spell. It's like they are unintentionally blind to it.

Tommy and Kim part ways, and Tommy is met by the Time Dude. He actually remembers he has a communicator though and calls Zordon, who conveniently didn't notice the monster until Tommy alerted him to it's presence, despite it having been on Earth for quite some time. Fail!Zordon... or maybe just part of his evil plan to get rid of Tommy. We're not quite sure. The other rangers go to Tommy's aide and jump right into a putty fight. Billy is super pretty and Rocky looks like a cheesy 90's gay porn star with his half-undone shirt and floppy hair. Not that I've watched cheesy 90's gay porn and would know what to look for or anything. Ahem.

So the putties manage to get Tommy mostly captured and the Time Dude knocks him out so they can take a lock of hair. LJ user doctoraicha makes the best quote of the night. "HE JUST CUT OFF SAMSON'S HAIR!" Tommy wakes up with a wicked headache while Time Dude, off to the side, creates and Evil Green Tommy. Full of Light And Goodness White Tommy goes to lay down because of his headache. Evil Green Tommy calls the other rangers to the city limits sign on the outskirts of town... and then chews a toothpick. The rangers show up and we see Angel Grove has a population of 376,000. Evil Green Tommy meets them there and nobody notices anything amiss. Nobody stops to say "Hey, what's with the suddenly going all Green again, Bro?" and they agree to not call Zordon to figure out what the heck they're doing there. Instead, they get sucked into a swirling wind vortex by the Time Dude, while Evil Green Tommy cackles evilly and they all lament his return to evilness.

They end of in PRE-REVOLUTIONARY WAR Angel Grove. Y'know, Angel Grove CALIFORNIA. Which CAN NOT have existed in pre-revolutionary times. Those redcoats? Shouldn't be there. That population 124 sign? Shouldn't be there. The town? Shouldn't exist. HISTORY DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT. Nevermind the fact there is not a Latino face amongst the whole crowd! Really show? Really? Not a single Spaniard? No Mexicans? Nobody with an ounce of Spanish in their dialogue at all? CALIFORNIA with pasty white people with bad British accents? You REALLY went there show?

Uh, so, um, we figure this is just more evidence for Angel Grove being it's own country and it was under British rule during a much different time than the United States and so it's cool for them to be there in the late 1700's. And stuff. Ahem.

So people run and call them witches and then some random girl with an accent helps them hide from soldiers. Meanwhile, Full of Light And Goodness White Tommy is looking for Kim. He can't find her. He does find Evil Green Tommy who is still chewing on a toothpick, which I suppose is supposed to represent evil. Or something. Which isn't cool, show, but whatever.

List time!
5 fish. History... it makes no sense... and the time travel... and the... the... the... just, 5 fish.

No Billy speak, though he was gleefully excited at the mere thought of being Einstein's assistant.