Episode 348 - Rising From Ashes

LESS THAN TWO WEEKS UNTIL MEGAFORCE! Which means we should take this time to plug !

Anyway. Apparently this episode is about Joel and trains. Well, at least its not a bus. Somewhere, Sheldon is clapping his hands in excitement. Of course, when I think of trains, I think of either Shining Time Station or Wee Sing Train. (You have no idea how many times my brother made me watch that.)

ANYWAY.  I guess I should talk about the actual episode instead of finding things to link on youtube.

The scientists are working on some sort of train, and they use a floppy disc, which is adorable, and somehow that completes a project. I'm not sure how the schematics being designed automatically create whatever train it is, but... sure. Meanwhile, the villains are all "Let's bring back some dead monsters." Isn't it a little early for that?

Joel hits on Ms. Fairweather, and she tells him she's off to go look at the volcano, and he tells her to relax. She's all "You mean with you" and he claims he doesn't mean that but... I doubt it. (He does have a point though, she is working really hard!)

Ms. Fairweather's team inspects the volcano, while the villains laugh maniacally. Apparently the volcano is still heating up, and something alive is coming up from under the ground. The team is called in to deal with a volcano, and they rush out in their train zords. Unfortunately, Ms. Fairweather gets trapped inside the volcano cave when the entrance collapses.

The Rangers fight the resurrected monster, and it snaps their sword. Bansheera demands another monster be resurrected, and Vypra is all pleased that the Queen's powers are growing.

Captain Awesome is not being quite as awesome, as he's failing to get that Ms. Fairweather is in trouble, and then the Megazord loses all power. The Captain orders an evacuation of the Zords so they can go rescue Ms. Fairweather, since that's the only way to save the zords. Um. Maybe there should be some redundancy in the job, like, other people to take over in emergency? What happens if she has the flu?

The Rangers find her team, and there's a lovely unmorphed fight against the cute little mooks, and Joel heads off to rescue Ms. Fairweather by himself. Which he manages to do.

Ms. Fairweather is all "reserve power should be back online by now" and then runs off in the jeep so that she can do the science thing and save the day. They just need to buy some time. Now that the Rangers are back in the Zords, that's the cue for the monsters to come back and fight some more.

She yells for the super train program to come online, which... creates the zords out of nothing? Was there a construction project? How did this happen so quickly? Why am I trying to apply logic to this? Anyway. The Rangers breaks the megazord back into parts and goes back to the rail rescues, and then they launch themselves into the air.

So then they get a GIANT NEW ZORD. It is very large. I mean, it towers over the monsters. I...well... it's a train? They are all really impressed.  It is pretty cool that the zord towers over the monsters. I mean, they should just step on the monster.

Unfortunately, when they try and shoot the guns there's a power overload, so they can't use the guns again. Instead, they supercharge turbines. If power overload was a problem, then using something supercharged might not be a good idea. (Yep!) And somehow that makes computers explode back at base. But it works and the monster blows up, and everyone is happy... until the fire nation volcano attacks. But the train has FREEZE MISSILES, so its going to freeze the volcano. My suspension of disbelief only goes so far, show, and you are seriously pushing it.

So Joel is sulking on a couch, when Ms. Fairweather comes in. She thanks him for saving her life. Then she makes a speech about getting wrapped up in her work, and then she invites him to dinner. He's all "YES, DATE." And it turns out he has a framed picture of her.

He shows up at the galley with roses and in an ugly suit, but she's invited everyone. I actually feel bad for him there, a little. That was way harsh.

Fish: Five. NOTHING WORKS LIKE THAT.

Episode 336 - Journey's End, Part 1

First thing - Con report. Only a month late.

Second - We have reached the finale! It feels like we've been recapping Lost Galaxy forever! *checks* Oh. We started this in January? Wow. Well, we'll start Lightspeed Rescue next week and it will be awesome!

So! Recap! Epic finale is epic, and all that.

Trakeena is so excited to see Terra Venture again. And we're really excited to see Trakeena! Seriously, we've missed her. She's AWESOME. Deviot comes up with such a ridiculous excuse about how he was forced to serve Mutiny, but she's so not buying it. She's all "destroy him! Before I get a headache!" LOVE. He runs to the cocoon that had been prepared for Trakeena and makes his way towards it.

However, he's stopped by Villamax before he can get into it, and a fight breaks out, and during the fight Deviot grabs Trakeena and they both fall into the cocoon, where they merge. So now Trakeena has Deviot's insanity and strength and also a bunch of other powers and shit is getting real.

Back on Terra Venture, the commander is like "we have one engine left, can't fix anything, we're screwed." There's only one planet within reach. Luckily for them, the planet has everything to support human life, so it will be their new world for the colony. ... Shouldn't they have chosen a world before they left? I mean, I'm glad that they found a Goldilocks planet, but...

Stanton makes a fairly good speech (I keep expecting him to yell "today will be our independence day!") and the dome projects an image of the new world, which they'll get to the next morning. Everyone is like "yay! We're home!"

Mike doesn't want to go to sleep because he doesn't want to miss anything, and the rest of the Rangers are also staring at the world. Everyone is excited about the lack of cars and pollution (don't worry, I'm sure they'll screw it up quickly enough) and Maya is sad that Kendrix isn't there. Then Kai realizes he's late for his shift, and everyone is like "who cares? We have a home!" Kai's response is "I have to land this thing, idiots," and they pretty much shove him towards his shift.

Just as they're about to land, Trakeena's ship shows up, and crazy!Trakeena fires on them. Leo then steals some explosives because he has a plan. Why did Leo go over the hood, in the window by the soldier, and then exit on the side with Damon when he could have just opened the door by Damon, stole the explosives, and then closed the door? Trakeena's ship is awesome, and she takes out the last engine.

Then Damon waves at Trakeena to try and get her attention and he's sad that he's the decoy. Again. It's not that you're the decoy, Damon, it's that Trakeena wants you so she was most likely to come after YOU. Leo attaches the explosions to Trakeena's ship when it burst through the dome and apparently a really tiny explosive on the outside of Trakeena's ship is able to seriously damage Trakeena's ship. Sure.

And then Terra Venture crash lands on the moon. The city dome detaches and the rest of the ship is destroyed. But they aren't safe on the moon, the dome is cracking. Some little kid asks his dad if they're going to make it to the new world, and the dad is like "Sure, kid." Leo is determined.

The Commander is like "if it cracks, we're not going to survive." The first council guy is like "how dare you suggest we abandon Terra Venture???" and like, all they have to do is get from the moon to the planet. The colony is a total wreck, councilman, do you just want to argue? Luckily, smart!councilwoman is there and she agrees to evacuate.

Trakeena has a plan, and she turns the Stingwingers into SUICIDE BOMBERS. I'm honestly wondering if this is going to be able to air on the vortexx now that they're showing Lost Galaxy there. I mean. Suicide bombers. Really. Villamax tries to reason with her, that they can destroy the Rangers without destroying their troops, but she's hearing none of it.

She has a date with DESTINY. Trakeena approaches the troops and makes a great villain speech about being ruler of the universe.

I'm honestly wondering how much of this is from the cocoon, and how much of it is from merging with Deviot. I mean, is it all her in there? How much of this is his influence? Or is this the part of Trakeena's personality that the cocoon revealed?

The suicide bomber Stingwingers approach Terra Venture and Trakeena laughs maniacally. To be continued...

Fish: 2.5! We have some questions and Leo's plan made NO SENSE and again, space doesn't work like that, but there are some pretty epic moments.

Episode 330 - Grunchor on the Loose

Today on Power Rangers... I have no clue what I just watched. We start off with the Starship Troopers opening a big wooden crate. The Rangers rush in to tell them not to open it, that it's a trick. They are too late and there is an explosion and then a weird plant/bug/creature thing that shoots LASERS FROM IT'S EYEBALLS. It burrows underground because... well... I don't know why. It just does. It tears up roads and underground tunnels and... why does a spaceship have ground again? The rangers report that they saw slaves and the big pirate ship has no plans to help them, he just wants to enslave them all too. I had actually forgotten about that. Oh well. The military is running around telling people to evacuate and don't go underground and AGAIN I ASK. WHY DOES A SPACESHIP HAVE AN UNDERGROUND???? AND WHERE THE HECK ARE THESE PEOPLE EVEN EVACUATING TO? Whatever, the monster is in the underground highway. He apparently also spits purple poison on top of his laser eyes and I really hope he eats Nedry. Mutiny's goombas wear kilts. Well, skirts, but I think they're supposed to look like kilts. Or awkward pantaloons. Doesn't matter, I'm impressed either way! Deviot oversees them moving... something... and the rangers stop them and wonder how he managed to get to the Lost Galaxy as well. Because the show finally remembered it's title. I am still less than impressed with these space pirates. TSB and I agree that they aren't nearly as great as the Gokaigers. Maya has a chance to destroy Deviot and Leo stops her because... reasons? He thinks they can get information out of Deviot (oh Leo) and Maya really knew better. But of course nobody listens to her. Deviot feeds them false information and then runs away. The rangers then encounter Grunchor. Apparently we get two monsters this week? Or is the big guy Grunchor? It's really not clear to me. This is a lot of fighting. I'm trying to care about it, I really am, but I just can't be bothered. Grunchor shows up and the rangers combine powers to throw fire at him which really just serves to piss him off. Really guys? Did you actually think Deviot gave you reliable information on how to beat his side? REALLY? They have to call the fugzords. Nobody bothers to get this guys motive either. He could just be cranky. Maybe he has a cold. Maybe he wasn't allowed to get a good night's sleep. Heck, maybe he's confused and thinks he's helping. They just assume he's evil and wants to destroy them, so they fight him. The fight is not going well so the rangers have pulled out alllll the toys. Literally, all of them. Some I don't even remember seeing, but I'm sure were introduced at some point over this past season. Honestly, it's been kind of a rambly season to me, like it never really knew what it wanted to say or where it stood. It... meandered. And so not a lot of it stuck with me. Anyway, All-the-Toys seem to be doing the trick until Captain Mutiny decides to join the fight. Then they start to lose again. It's still pretty boring. I just... I don't quite get why this episode had so much fighting? I really would have liked to get some kind of back story for Grunchor or explanation for why there were two monsters this week or... something. Leo keeps trying to sacrifice himself. Then Mike keeps trying to sacrifice himself. Then Leo does it again. We keep expecting the Dragonzord to show up because this is such a Tommy episode. Tommy, this is not your season! Get out of this episode! Suddenly the others decide to jump in and sacrifice themselves too and this is apparently enough to destroy the poor unexplained monster. Later, the rangers discover Captain Mutiny's planet can just vanish off the radar. Because... reasons? They're in a lost galaxy I guess? Science still does not work that way. And never will. (random note: Curiosity lands tonight. I am incredibly excited about this) 5 fish. Because I don't know what I just watched. And I felt really bad for the poor unexplained monster.

Episode 329 - Beware the Mutiny

Previously on Lost Galaxy - FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH.

Or, in other words, the writers remembered the title of the season and were like "SHIT, we need to actually have the title be relevant to what's going on. Um. Crap."

So somehow they're in some lost galaxy, which doesn't actually make any sense, because how do you LOSE AN ENTIRE GALAXY especially when a) people can get in with a book and b) people are already living there. What the hell, writers. Just send Daniel Jackson and SG-1 to investigate, okay?

Trakeena is all "they've entered the lost galaxy" which apparently a) everyone knows about and b) is the most mysterious place. Trakeena doesn't want to enter the galaxy, and I've decided that the galaxy is secretly inside the M'Kraan Crystal, mostly because I feel like linking to X-Men stuff.

Apparently there are no stars to navigate by or something, and I'm pretty sure this means that there are no FAMILIAR stars to navigate by, because we can clearly see stars. Also, apparently everyone can breathe in space or whatever. The commander and Mike get a vision of some old man warning them never to look back, except it seems Mike and the Commander never left the ship, and the fish are strong with this one. Even the clocks are wrong, and it seems like time is moving backwards. I'm sure that the MMPR kids can sympathize, but at least it doesn't seem like we're getting baby!Galaxy Rangers, although I would be totally in favor of that.

Somewhere else, we meet Captain Mutiny and his ship of Pirates. I approve of Space Pirates, and I'm already shipping him with Divatox on general principle. For some reason they're referring to their own galaxy as lost, but they live there and clearly know where they are, so I don't know why they're calling it that. I'll give Mutiny credit, his ship is pretty damn cool. And we get a bunch of pirate jokes.

The Commander and the executive board of the ship are talking about how to get out of there, when Mike is all "um, there's a castle on a dinosaur coming towards us" which may be the greatest sentence ever said in the history of this show. Seriously, that is why I watch Power Rangers, because we get castles on the backs of Dinosaurs. Anyway, the pirates are rowing in space and apparently they can breathe in space, The Starship Trooper armor is out in full force, which is nice.

Mutiny is all "I come in peace" which is clearly bullshit, but he gives them a gift of sparkling coins. Stanton tells everyone to be at ease, because he's a moron.

Seriously, why are they still calling it the Lost Galaxy. THEY KNOW WHERE THEY ARE. Mutiny offers a way to send them home, but they have to go to his planet. BECAUSE IT IS CLEARLY A TRAP, but Stanton is all "we have no other choice" so he sends Mike to go retrieve the machine.

Karone is all "everyone is an idiot, this is too easy" because she is the greatest. The Rangers go to spy as Mike picks up the package, and they decide to investigate. And we find out that Mutiny keeps slaves. You guys, canon slavery. I will totally take all the bad and wrong fic where the Rangers are slaves. They figure out that whatever is in the box will make Terra Venture slaves. However, they get spotted by another slave, who begs them for help, giving away their position.

Cue monster attack. Fight, Zords, etc. The amount that I don't care can't be expressed in words. Could we instead talk about the AU where the Rangers get captured as slaves? WAY more interesting and if anyone wants to write a bad and wrong fic that would be great.

Oh, and Deviot shows up and drains the energy from the nearly defeated monster or whatever.

On Terra Venture, they open the box that was given to them by Mutiny even though they know NOTHING ABOUT IT, because they are idiots and even as the Rangers are running and yelling them not to open it, it is too late and a GIANT UGLY MONSTER that somehow fit in a box that is clearly smaller then him shows up and burrowed underground. WORST SECURITY EVER.

I guess that's supposed to be a cliffhanger or something. Whatever.

Fish: FIVE. LOGIC DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT.

Episode 328 - Enter the Lost Galaxy

Oh hey! The show FINALLY remembered it's title! We start off with some guys wearing glasses, clearly meant to be scientist/geeks, analyzing a bit of the book. They translate some text and start chanting, but it sparks some blue energy that wipes out ALL power in the entire colony. ALL OF IT. You'd think once they realized they were causing the pretty blue sparks with the chanting, they'd STOP SAYING IT. But no, they had to cut off power instead. Mike says they're replacing transformers as fast as they possibly can and OH SHOW! OH SHOW! Space travel does NOT work like that. At one of the sites of the transformer, an ancient dude wakes up from a cave. He morphs into one of the power workers and manages to pull a yellow hard hat out of his ass (not literally, but it came out of NOWHERE and he just nonchalantly puts it on his head). The Head Honchos are discussing Plans. Ancient Shapeshifter Guy is wandering around and nobody questions why he's poking in the science area and not out fixing transformers (oh show... transformers... really?). He goes to take the book, but Kai and the Space Colony Police stop him. Worst. Security. EVER. Seriously. They take him to the Head Honchos instead of straight to a holding cell and I have NO IDEA why. Because they are clearly vying for that golden Worst Security award, I guess. They eventually take him to a holding cell and he tells Kai that he needs help to recover the book, because it doesn't belong. Kai is all "Uh, dude? Really?" and the guys is all "Cause you're the blue ranger, duh". Apparently the guards standing RIGHT THERE didn't hear. Whatever. Clearly they had their training in Angel Grove. Kai learns it is his destiny to help return the Galaxy Book to where it belongs and he takes that information to the other rangers. They think it's a Trakeena plot. Kai believes him. Especially when he takes him breakfast and finds him sweating thick blue... something. Question. Why is NOBODY wondering where this guy came from? How did this ancient guy get awoken from a long hibernation ON A NEWLY BUILT SPACE COLONY????? Clearly I am throwing too much logic into this. Kai leaves with the guy in R.A.L.F.. The guy gives him some protection trinket things and runs away. Kai STEALS THE FREAKING BOOK AND NOBODY NOTICES. This really is the worst security ever. Geez. And of course, Kai gets attacked. Because Deviot knows everything? Or something. But it's okay! Because Ancient Guy gives Deviot an intense smack down. Except he really can't live long outside of his galaxy/book/wherever the heck he came from, and dies in Kai's arms. The job of guarding the book has now passed to Kai. And he fails in his first two seconds, because Deviot has the book and starts calling forth all manner of dark things. His plan is to lose the galaxy? Except there is already a lost galaxy so... is this a second galaxy he wants to lose? Can you really lose two galaxies? Or is he trying to make sure the first lost galaxy stays lost? And how does one even go about losing a galaxy in the first place? It's not like your car keys or spare change or that darned coupon that you know is about to expire and you want to use but can't remember where you put it. It's a freaking GALAXY. And can it really be lost if there is both a book giving directions to said galaxy (and people know where this book is) AND there are people living in this galaxy? I mean, clearly it's not lost to THEM. They know right where they are. Anyway Deviot is now really powerful and strong and looks kind of creepy and Predator like. There is a boring fight where the rangers basically get their asses handed to them, even with all the shiny toys. And I really don't care about the fight, okay? They do manage to take him out in the end, but the book is going all kinds of crazy with the wind and the blue lightning and it's kind of weird. When it all dies down, the book is intact, but there are black scorch marks all over the ground. Kai picks it up and starts to read it but had to be pulled away by Leo. He hears voices. They start to take the book back, when they are suddenly surrounded by space and galaxies they don't know and nobody knows what's going on. So Kai recites a poem. Because he knows where they are, now that he has all that super book knowledge. They're in the lost galaxy. Oh hey look! The lost galaxy! Guess it isn't lost anymore! Or is it? Can they still call it lost if they are there? Existential questions of life, brought to you by Power Rangers. 5 fish. OMG SO MANY FISH. How did the guy get on Terra Venture? How did the guards not hear that Kai is the blue ranger? How did nobody see Kai steal the book? Why continue chanting when it's clearly blowing out your power? WHY DOES A SPACESHIP RUN ON TRANSFORMERS? THE FISH, YOU GUYS, I COULD NOT SEE MOST OF THIS EPISODE BECAUSE THE FISH JUST KEPT GETTING IN THE WAY.

Episode 323- To the Tenth Power

Today on Power Rangers, we get to see the Space Rangers again! We start off with data cards! DATA CARDS! And wanton murder of shady alien who had the data cards. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS???? DATA CARDS! SPAAAAACCCCCEEEEEEEEEE. Deviot reanimates the Psycho Rangers and ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. They are all there and it's wonderful. They totally don't want to listen to Trakeena but she is more evil than they are and makes them listen. Andros is back in his Cloak of Not-A-Good-Disguise and is disappointed to discover he is too late to stop the transfer of the Psycho Rangers. On Terra Venture, Damon is sad because he carries all the groceries while Maya eats an apple. A hand appears out of the ground and trips him, causing him to spill the groceries. Maya is then kidnapped. Damon is then kidnapped. I LOVE KIDNAPPED RANGERS! Now if only they could be held in the Cave of Captivity. But alas, they are far away from Angel Grove. Kai and Kendrix are stuck fighting their Psycho counterparts, UNMORPHED, and they LOSE. And then we see Leo's arms! OMG IT'S THE BEST EPISODE EVER. Because Leo is working out and has a FLUFFY PINK TOWEL OF FLUFFY PINKNESS. It's adorable. Then he helps a Tiny Child who is crying, but isn't actually a Tiny Child. It's Psycho Red in disguise, because he totally knows Leo's weakness is Tiny Children in distress. And he totally overpowers him. Quickly. Leo is only saved because Andros shows up in his Cloak of Not-A-Good-Disguise. Leo is all hero worshiping him because OMG LEO WAS THERE THE DAY THE SPACE RANGERS SAVED THE EARTH AND I LOVE THIS WITH SO MUCH LOVE OMG. The two of them together... it's like the Angstiest Angsty Ranger Reunion. We just need Adam and it would be the Trifecta of Angst! *so many hearts in my eyes* HAPPY ALPHA IS HAPPY! He is so excited to see Andros. And Andros is all "Don't be too happy, cause your friends are fucked." and also explains the psychos as "everything you are, except the opposite." He takes Leo and Mike to see the Space morphers which have been stashed on the MegaShip this whole time. WHY ARE THEY STILL THERE? SO MANY FISH! I don't care. This is WONDERFUL. Leo blows up a wall with Andros, all morphed and happy, to stop Trakeena and save his friends. Trakeena is all "Yeah, whatever, I got this." and Andros has no clue what he's in for. Meanwhile, Alpha discovers intruders on the MegaShip stealing the Space morphers. DUH WE KNOW WHO IT IS. Way to try to be sneaky and FAIL MISERABLY show. Mike breaks the others out and they all go to fight. Damon gives them a chance to get away and they are stupid and don't take it. Because the psychos are all "There are only seven of you, pshaw" until TJ shows up with Cassie, Ashley, and Carlos and is all "TRY ELEVEN OF US!" because they are awesome. Also, Carlos cut off all his hair and it makes me sad. Everybody fights with their own colour against their own Psycho counterpart and that's probably not the best plan but whatever because GIANT EXPLOSIONS AND THEME SONGS AND AND AND. And how could I say no to TJ and Kai fighting together? And Damon and Carlos! And Cassie and Kendrix are OMGSOADORBS! They call out all the toys and totally win, as well they should when there are ELEVEN BADASS RANGERS ON MY SCREEN. Back on the MegaShip, Alpha nearly explodes from Happy. Leo asks how they knew and Carlos says Alpha put out a distress signal so they had to come. Unfortunately they can't stay long since they're needed back on Earth (and how they got there, and how they'll get back, I don't know and just don't care because this is great). Maya is going to give them the grand tour. Meanwhile, the pink psycho climbs out of the rubble and is confronted by Deviot, who is disappointed in her even though SHE IS THE ONLY SURVIVOR OF THE WHOLE ORDEAL SHOWING SHE IS THE STRONGEST FOR REALS. The only thing wrong with this episode is Carlos' hair. It is all gone and gives me a sad. Everything else is beautiful and wonderful and totally amazing. 1.5 fish. It only had this much because, seriously, how did they get there in the first place? And also, Carlos' hair. Just... the hair!

Episode 320 - Loyax's Last Battle

This episode recap is dedicated to a dear friend who we lost this last weekend. RIP, Kim. We love you, and we lost you way too soon. And you will always be remembered for the good you did, and the wonderful friend that you were. We didn't plan the timing of this episode, but in some ways it ended up being oddly appropriate. Maya and Damon are sparring in the forest dome, and it's great and is clearly leading up to some sparring sex. Maya knocks Damon down, and then Leo makes the mistake of saying "pretty well for a girl" and raaaaaaaaaaaaaaage. Meanwhile, the assorted villains are talking about an honorable old warrior named Loyax. Loyax is all "I'm old, but I want to go out in battle against a worthy opponent." Basically. Clearly going up against the Power Rangers would be a glorious ending, and well, that is true. (Of course, if he defeats them, then how is that an ending? I mean. Really. Logic. Use some.) Loyax starts smashing things in the ocean dome, and I'm not even sure why we still bother to comment on things like an ocean dome, because um, look, Terra Venture makes no sense at all. I could ALMOST buy the forest and mountains, but OCEAN. I guess the fish need somewhere to live. Anyway, Maya is taking the lead in the fight, and Leo is all "no, fight me instead" but Maya is all "Hell no." Loyax and Maya end up falling off a cliff into the ocean. And again. OCEAN. ON A SPACE SHIP. None of the Rangers are able to find Maya, and Trakeena also assumes that Loyax has been destroyed. Meanwhile, Loyax and Maya are in a cave. Maya has a cut on her leg, and as we know from the Turbo movie, that is fatal. Loyax is rambling all of his emo at Maya, and going on about what a horrible ending this is. Loyax then offers to heal Maya, even though they're enemies. Loyax is all "to survive, we must work together" since he can't see as well as she can in the dark, and she can't walk. So he carries her out of the cave, with her giving directions, and I don't understand how they ended up in the cave in the first place, considering they FELL INTO THE OCEAN. As soon as they're out of the cave, Loyax drops her and is all "going to defeat you now, girl." Deviot is all "I'm going to make sure you win" and Loyax is pissed because his last battle will be an honorable one. Of course, Maya is having a harder time of it since she's injured, but she manages to impress Loyax anyway. When Deviot is about to destroy Loyax over his honor, Maya rescues him, and Ranger and "villain" go off together. Loyax once again is all "ready to battle? It will be a fair fight." Maya is meanwhile trying to convince him that they don't need to fight, but instead Loyax tells her his life story. Apparently at one point he fought on the side of good, but at some point he ended up serving the same evil he once sought to destroy. And now he feels that all that is left is one last battle - with Maya. The other four Rangers go up against Deviot, while Maya continues to argue with Loyax. She initially refuses to fight, but ends up morphing. The two separate fights are actually pretty entertaining, I'll give them that. While the four Rangers are busy, Deviot sneaks off to deal with Loyax, who is still fighting with Maya. Maya is doing pretty great - I love episodes where the female Rangers get to be awesome. Maya keeps on arguing with Loyax that they can end the battle, but he continues to refuse. She beats him, but refuses to kill him, because he can be good again. Just when Loyax is about to take her hand and agree, Deviot attacks Loyax and forces him to grow. Deviot is also controlling Loyax via remote control. This obviously gets the other Rangers attention, and its time to summon the fugly zords. Since they need more help, they summon even more Zords, although there is no sign of the Emo Defender. The Rangers manage to destroy the control device, and Loyax snaps that nobody will ever make him be evil again. He starts to attack Deviot, but one last control is activated, and Loyax is destroyed right after thanking Maya for showing him the truth. Back on the beach of the ocean dome, Maya finds Loyax's sword. She tells the sword that Loyax won the last battle - by providing that he was still good. She plants the sword in the sand, and the five Rangers go off together. Fish: 2. And really, only because OCEAN DOME? REALLY?

Episode 319 - Mean Wheels Mantis

Wow, this episode was a) dull and b) makes no sense. A whole episode about getting a new toy, with nothing else to offer. I apologize in advance. Recapping races (of the non-wacky variety) is really dull. We get a shot of some mountains, and the geography of this colony still makes no sense. Maya is, for some reason, up a tree, and having a conversation with her fugly zord. She insists that talking to her zord is easy, and starts pulling a Pocahontas listen with your heart thing. Meanwhile, Trakeena has a new monster courtesy of Deviot, and he's really annoying. He's a Mantis on a bike, and seriously, I wonder how the colony manages to keep rebuilding all the buildings that are destroyed. I mean, its not like they have unlimited resources. They are on a space ship. Maya and Kendrix show up and fight him, and the girls are pretty awesome! Just as the other Rangers show up, Maya and Kendrix get turned into trophies. Mantis is all "Won't change them back unless you beat me in a race" and at least this episode is giving me an excuse to link to Wacky Races. The boys start chasing him around the dome, and seriously, the geography of Terra Venture makes NO SENSE at all. The monster is, of course cheating, and Kai gets knocked out by a rope placed on the road. Damon gets taken out by some falling rocks, so only Leo is left. Leo and the monster fight and the monster manages to beat him via more cheating, and the monster vanishes with the trophies of Maya and Kendrix. Leo is blaming himself for this, even though a) monster cheated and b) Damon and Kai also got knocked out. Damon is all "our bikes are trashed, we're screwed" and he also insists that its too dangerous. Of course, since Damon is also Miles O'Brien, he will come up with something brilliant. But really, he is only one man, and he can only do so much. The Fug Zords try to talk to Leo, and somehow he understands that they're telling him he needs more power? Or something? So he takes his bike (which is fixed, because Damon is brilliant) and goes to find the monster. Leo puts up his saber as the stakes for the race. The monster continues to cheat by shooting at him and jumping on his bike and just generally cheating. But Leo thinks about his friends and listens with his heart and somehow that makes his bike morph into a new bike. I... am not sure how listening with your heart manages to create a new bike that can also turn into a fireball but whatever, for Power Rangers, this somehow makes sense. I guess. The fish did it or whatever. Damon is really impressed with the bike, and I still have NO IDEA HOW THE BIKE WAS CREATED. Anyway, since this episode is even more about selling toys than normal, we get the zord fight on top of the buy the shiny new bike toy propaganda. Leo tells Maya that he learned about the cycle from the beast, and then tells her a story about baby galactabeasts, which is adorable, but also bullshit. Basically, Leo's whole plan boils down to keeping his fingers crossed and hoping for the best. I bet he supports the Chudley Cannons. And then the team has an orgy. Fish: Five. Seriously. What. This was the most blatant "buy the new toy" episode in a while.

Episode 313 - The Lost Galactabeasts - Part 2

Previously - COLLARS AND FORCED TO FIGHT EACH OTHER. Oh, and there's a new villain and some possessed evil zords, and I spent a while raging at Queenriley about how to handle special collections and generally had a librarian freakout about THAT IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE RARE ITEMS, KENDRIX. I have a lot of feelings about it, okay?

Anyway, so there's some villain stuff with being a new general and the evil zords, and could we go back to Damon and Kai being collared and forced to fight each other? I'm just saying, this is pretty relevant to my interests.

Meanwhile, the Rangers are brainstorming about why they can't get the Zords to fight. They... are idiots. It is pretty obvious. Anyway, because Damon is the smartest, he has a plan. And Leo is all "So, we should blow shit up." Oh, Leo. Of course that is your plan. You are such a red.

Meanwhile, Kendrix is going to research. Come join my fictional researcher/librarian favorites list, Kendrix! Although take a class on archives, okay?

Maya is trying to reason with the Fugazords, but they ignore her, and the evil Zords start destroying the colony. The boys show up on their bikes, while Mike and his floppy hair are running around command. Kendrix continues to stare at the book. The boys get ambushed and Damon is all "you two go blow shit up, I will fight all the mooks."

Kendrix sends Mike to go help out while she continues to research, and this is why the teams usually do better when they have a tech! Clearly Billy should show up and be all "let me run everything because I am great at this." But really, I just want more Billy in everything, so. (He should hook up with Kendrix. They could be adorable geeks together!)

Kai blasts more monsters and he is injured, so it is up to Leo to go blow stuff up by himself. The fug zords are just standing there, staring at the evil zords. Meanwhile, Leo nearly gets ambushed, but Kendrix and Mike show up at the last minute, leaving him to drive off.

Meanwhile, Kendrix has FINALLY figured out that the evil zords are galactabeasts, because the fish must have finally stopped interfering with her thought processes. She knows she needs to stop them. Leo is about to drive his bike into the evil Zords to make it explode, but Kendrix throws herself into his path. She explains how the Zords are clearly under a spell and instead a plan is formed to take the evil remote control away from Deviot.

Deviot exposits some more about how he captured the Zords and brainwashed them and we get some more backstory from whatever happened 3000 years ago. Deviot teleports out, and we get some fun fighting as the Rangers try to get the remote away from this week's monster. There's a dramatic pushing the monster off the roof, and seriously, this monster looks like Swamp Thing. Leo finally gets the remote, but the monster destroys it.

The Rangers summon the fish of Orion, and then the monster grows. Of course, their Zords are busy fighting the other Zords, so we have a problem. They get the Zords to stop fighting and form the Megazords. I am not sure why we can see a sun setting, since they are ON A SPACE SHIP.

I also don't know why we can see the moon rising. Anyway, the Rangers are all "Remember who you aaaaaaaaaaaaaare" which is a thing I love. They keep yelling at them to remember that they're friends, and somehow that magically gets to them, and they turn into the nice versions of themselves! Now they have ALL the Zords, so the fight now consists of the new Zords showing off before they destroy the monster.

Deviot has a sad, because he wants to enter the cocoon. He then immediately decides what he should do is destroy Scorpius. I do love a scheming villain - go hang out with Darkonda, Deviot!

Anyway, the Zords have a sad, and we find out that they've gone 14 light years, but they couldn't get back to Earth even if they wanted to? So the most they could go is 27 light years? Although I am impressed that they managed to go 14 light years in 20 episodes! They've got a pretty great FTL drive!

Fish: 3.5! Boys, blowing stuff up might not always be the greatest plan.

Fic we want: LOOK, I know it is last episode, but I am just saying - someone should really write me some dubcon under a spell, Damon/Kai fic. JUST SAYING.

Episode 307 - Shark Attack

I remember nothing about this episode. Although the title sounds like a bad SyFy original movie. (Hey, when IS the bad JDF original movie One Warrior thing coming out? I'm still waiting for that.)

So Treacheron is moping around in prison, when the Shark brothers show up to rescue him. They tell him that Trakeena set him up (DUH. I mean, I love her, but she is very obvious with her scheming.)

Trakeena shows up to taunt him, and he tells her that he is loyal to Scorpius and he would like to prove his loyalty. He gives her a map to give to Scorpius that he says will prove his loyalty. (Um, why does he still have a map on him? Really?) Trakeena, of course, is all "mwahaha, I will go find the gauntlet that this map leads to myself."

Treacheron then escapes, and we cue the themesong. Why is it such an earworm?

For some reason this map leads to stuff buried on Terra Venture? Trakeena is all "this shiny thing is mine" and then Treacheron shows up and tells her that the goblet is worthless, and then it disintegrates. When did Treacheron have time to plant the goblet there? Why would he plant it on Terra Venture? When did he draw the map? How does this plan make any sense?

Treacheron and Trakeena taunt each other, and then Treacheron destroys a bunch of stingwingers. Treacheron is about to fight Trakeena when the Rangers show up, and there's a fight scene, and Trakeena runs away, with Treacheron chasing after her. Except Leo keeps getting in his way, because Leo is great. The Shark Brothers leave the other Rangers alone to continue to chase after Trakeena, except she runs into the Magna Defender. We get another flashback to the Magna Defender's son, and he says that he will kill Scorpius's only child in revenge for Scorpius doing that to him. But then Magna Defender appears to have a crisis of conscience and we hear Mike's voice telling him not to give into vengeance. Leo hears it as well, and he totally gets beaten up. Trakeena escapes, and the villains all run off.

Treacheron then is all "will prove my loyalty by destroying the Rangers" and we find out that they can't activate the fish without all of them together.

Leo, meanwhile, is all shirtless in the hospital and I approve so hard. He is pretty. The others all run off to the Forest Dome to fight the Shark Brothers (who really don't look like Sharks.) Also, their grammar is horrible. I hate it that they're all "You'se Guys!" The Rangers find out that the Lights won't work, and then we get a fight scene where the Rangers are not doing well.

Leo is still in the medbay being all beaten up prettily, and then Mike starts talking to him again. He has a vision of Mike and his lovely floppy hair, and ghost!Mike tells him that his friends are being beaten up. Leo wakes up and is still pretty and shirtless and he leaves the infirmary. Alpha is like "DAMN IT, WILL SOMEONE PUT THOSE REDS ON A LEASH."

Treacheron is all "end of the Rangers" and then Leo shows up. The others are all "Yeah, we knew you would get here!" except they're the ones who told him to stay in the hospital in the first place. Kendrix shows some concern, but he insists he's fine.

They summon the fish, and I swear the music sounds like Return to Oz. Treacheron is all "I will destroy them all, starting with the red" Treacheron keeps going on about his honor, and there's some more fighting. I wonder what the other Rangers are doing during this. Standing around and talking? Gossiping about how great Leo looked without his shirt on? Wondering where Leo got his random fire powers from? Swapping cookie recipes? Wondering how Leo is fighting so well when he was in the hospital five minutes ago? Anyway, then Leo breaks Treacheron's sword. Treacheron goes on about how he hates decency, but the man is obsessed with honor. Leo then destroys Treacheron, and we should probably create a Dragon Death tag or something.

The Shark Brothers then grow to get their revenge and they summon the fugly zords. The Zords also get a Fish power-up. The monster is quickly destroyed.

Trakeena is practicing her fighting. I love that she's trying to better herself. For some version of better, anyway. She is determined to be a warrior, and she decides that she needs a trainer to make her rule the universe. Girl has ambition! I approve so hard.

Back on Terra Venture, Leo and Maya discuss how they think Mike and his floppy hair are still alive.

Fish: Five. Just. This season. I can't even.

(Hey Mark, please note that I did NOT end this recap with "and then they have an orgy." BUT THEY STILL COULD.)

Episode 305 - Orion Rising

So, Leo is wrapping presents, and Kendrix is making a cake, because it's Damon's birthday! Awww! They are throwing him a surprise party.

Leo tries to eat the cake, but Kendrix smacks him. They leave, only for Maya to return. She's really hungry, but she soon finds the delicious cake. Which she eats. Because CAKE. (Also, I really love that she's not having body issues at all with this - she's hungry, she eats cake. Compare that to some of the other episodes.)

Kendrix comes back and sees that Maya has eaten allllllllll the cake. Maya is so confused when Kendrix asks her about eating it "why do I need permission to eat?" Kendrix is all "ASK FIRST." There's a giant culture clash and to be fair, neither of them is really in the wrong.

(And Leo and Kai get covered in cake. I guess we're bringing that back.)

So, the monster is placing a forcefield over an already domed city? Sure? But Kendrix and Maya were out grocery shopping (and bickering over the fridge) when they come across it. I also love that they instantly forget their problems when they realize this is a monster thing. (That was a really lackluster morph, you guys. You have no enthusiasm there.)

The two girls are all super awesome and attack and basically, I love them. I am all in favor of this. Of course, then the boys show up on new toys, which apparently the girls don't get? Pfft. Whatever. Of course, the guys can't get into the forcefield, so they have to go and dig under it.

Apparently the monster is draining all the air? Kendrix is all "to save the colony we need to go fix this" but Maya wants to attack the monster first. Kendrix forces them to retreat, but Maya is NOT PLEASED and she runs off to go fight the monster.

I would buy this no air thing a lot more, if a) we didn't see trees moving and b) Kendrix and Maya seem fine.

The boys find that they can't get through because the forcefield extends underground. While that's going on, Kendrix runs into tiny lookalike children who tell her it will be okay because they have each other. And Maya discovers the concept of birthday cakes. Just as she's attacked, Kendrix comes to her rescue. The two girls make up (and later, make out) and they are super adorable. Maya promises when this is over she will help Kendrix make a new cake.

Magna Defender and his swirling cape of awesome show up to break open the force field even though Leo tells him this is a bad idea and it will rip them apart? I... sure. Look, I'm going to vaguely question it, but I don't have anything other than a "that sounds stupid." Of course, it means that they can also summon Zords and fight the Magna Defender, which I am in favor of.

Maya and Kendrix fight the monster on their own. Suddenly, the Magna Defender falls apart and starts clutching his chest and running away. Everyone is confused. Kendrix and Maya figure out that together they are awesome and they team up (again) to destroy the forcefield which instantly returns the air to the city.

The other Rangers show up just in time for them to shoot at the monster. Suddenly, the Fish of Orion show up. The Magna Defender tries to claim them, and also EVERYONE chases after the lights. But they've left Terra Venture (and the fact that they were there at ALL makes no sense.) Then the monster just... leaves. Sure.

At the end, Damon gets his surprise party. Damon is sleepy and exhausted, but he loves his friends, and is super happy that they remembered his birthday. Everyone loves everyone else, and then there's an orgy.

I love that a) this episode was not about either Damon being sad that everyone forgot his birthday or people criticizing Maya for what she eats and b) that nobody was really in the wrong for the fight.

Fish: 4. NO NO. SO YOU PUT A FORCEFIELD AROUND A CITY THAT'S ALREADY IN A DOME? WHAT? Also, the air? Really? THERE ARE PLANTS THERE, HOW WERE THEY DRAINING EVERYTHING? None of this makes any sense.

Covered in food: Cake!

Fic we want: Kendrix/Maya. SO MUCH.

Episode 299 - The Lights of Orion

OH LOOK, TIME TO COMPLAIN ABOUT TERRA VENTURE GEOGRAPHY. And how it makes no sense. This is probably the right time to do it. Why would they design a ship in that way? Why so much wasted space? Why did they design a city in a bottle? Why is there a forest dome and a mountain dome? HOW DO THEY INTEND TO LAND THE SHIP? What about this makes ANY SENSE AT ALL. I mean. Really. How did they recreate the ecosystems? Why is there dirt? HOW CAN THEY HAVE EARTHQUAKES? How do monsters keep getting onto the floating city? What's the point of all this? And I want the Watsonian reason, not the Doylist "well, Gingaman took place in a forest, and they were using the sentai footage" reason.

Nothing about it makes ANY SENSE. And that isn't even getting into the Fish of Orion, which I got the pleasure of recapping, because QR wanted to write about Damon O'Brien and his inappropriately young friend, Future Ranger Matthew.

So. Furio is wandering about when he runs into Trakeena. She is posing ridiculously and is all "Your time has run out" and he tries to convince her that he can bring them the Fish of Orion. He also bribed her with something shiny. She agrees eventually, and then he tries to get into some cave, but he fails. They need someone else to get them into the cave. I am totally nominating Trakeena to the League of Female Baddies, where she can hang out with Astronema and Scorpina and take over the universe or something.

So Kendrix and Maya are exploring something on Terra Venture and they get attacked by Stingwingers. Trakeena and Furio show up and grab them, but then the boys show up on new bikes. Why do the boys have to come to the rescue? Couldn't the girls have gotten away on their own? Why don't the girls get shiny new toys?

Anyway, then Trakeena and Furio show off a box, and inside it they have Mike's body. Leo has SO MUCH ANGST about his brother. The villains head off, taking the box with him, and Leo forgets about EVERYTHING ELSE to go after his brother's body, because ANGST. He is SO that type of Red. He finds the abandoned box somewhere (we're not even touching why Trakeena has a jeep) but the box is empty. And then he sees Mike tied to a tree. DUN DUN DUN.

Maya tells Damon to go be the decoy and he is SO GRUMPY about it. "Hope no one attacks me!" he yells and then makes them all chase him. He hates being the decoy and I love him SO MUCH. Of course, he leads them straight to the others because he is AMAZING. Seriously, every character on this is so great.

Leo unchains his brother who is all tied to a tree and they hug. Mike has such lovely floppy hair. Mike is all "can't explain how I'm not dead, we need the Lights of Orion." They're a powerful source of energy and they've been stuck in a cave for eons. A cave on Terra Venture.

UM. UM UM. WHAT. See my earlier rant on the geography because REALLY? DID THEY JUST CARVE OUT A WHOLE CHUNK OF THE EARTH AND PUT IT ON A SPACESHIP? LIKE. REALLY?

So Leo opens up the cave ruins thing and climbs through. There's a treasure chest inside a cage, and he opens it up to find a smaller box. Mike hits him on the head and takes the small box, leaving Leo to lay on the cave floor and have a sad.

The Rangers are all "MIKE BETRAYED US" but Kendrix is all "Mike would never betray us" and then oh, really? THE SUPPOSEDLY DEAD GUY IS ACTUALLY A MONSTER. They are SO NOT SMART. Really, Rangers need to send out a handbook to new teams or something.

There's a fight and Maya manages to get the box of fish away from them. Leo has a very angry sad, and a flashback to Mike's death and that gives him the RAAAAAAAAAAGE he needs to fight the monster who impersonated his brother. And really, if they were at all smart they wouldn't have revealed fake!Mike yet, but let him be a traitor inside for a few episodes.

Furio manages to get the box back, but they form the starfish formation. Then the monster grows and they summon the ugly zords. Leo attacks Furio while the others are piloting the Zords. They shoot the Condor at the monster and it blows up.

Leo manages to get the fish away from Furio, but Furio opens the box. Only to find out that the box is empty. Trakeena is so pissed at Furio because the box is empty. They get away. Scorpius yells at Furio, and is all "nope, done with you, once and for all." Trakeena decides to give Furio one last chance for some unknown reason, and I'm assuming it's because they're dating.

Back on the ship, Kai is making cookies! BECAUSE HE IS THE BEST. Damon keeps trying to sneak cookie dough, because HE is the best. And Kai is totally adorable all covered with flour. Seriously, the five of them are SO DOMESTIC AND I LOVE THEM.

Maya asks why you can't eat cookie dough, and Damon and Kai argue over whether the dough or the cookies are better.

Meanwhile, Kendrix is comforting Leo, because he still has a sad. He comes back and asks for some cookie dough, but Maya has apparently taken Kai's side in the argument and tells him that he can't eat it until it's cooked.

And then there's an orgy.

Fish: FIVE. THIS WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE IF THEY WERE NOT ON A SPACE SHIP.