Episode 299 - The Lights of Orion

OH LOOK, TIME TO COMPLAIN ABOUT TERRA VENTURE GEOGRAPHY. And how it makes no sense. This is probably the right time to do it. Why would they design a ship in that way? Why so much wasted space? Why did they design a city in a bottle? Why is there a forest dome and a mountain dome? HOW DO THEY INTEND TO LAND THE SHIP? What about this makes ANY SENSE AT ALL. I mean. Really. How did they recreate the ecosystems? Why is there dirt? HOW CAN THEY HAVE EARTHQUAKES? How do monsters keep getting onto the floating city? What's the point of all this? And I want the Watsonian reason, not the Doylist "well, Gingaman took place in a forest, and they were using the sentai footage" reason.

Nothing about it makes ANY SENSE. And that isn't even getting into the Fish of Orion, which I got the pleasure of recapping, because QR wanted to write about Damon O'Brien and his inappropriately young friend, Future Ranger Matthew.

So. Furio is wandering about when he runs into Trakeena. She is posing ridiculously and is all "Your time has run out" and he tries to convince her that he can bring them the Fish of Orion. He also bribed her with something shiny. She agrees eventually, and then he tries to get into some cave, but he fails. They need someone else to get them into the cave. I am totally nominating Trakeena to the League of Female Baddies, where she can hang out with Astronema and Scorpina and take over the universe or something.

So Kendrix and Maya are exploring something on Terra Venture and they get attacked by Stingwingers. Trakeena and Furio show up and grab them, but then the boys show up on new bikes. Why do the boys have to come to the rescue? Couldn't the girls have gotten away on their own? Why don't the girls get shiny new toys?

Anyway, then Trakeena and Furio show off a box, and inside it they have Mike's body. Leo has SO MUCH ANGST about his brother. The villains head off, taking the box with him, and Leo forgets about EVERYTHING ELSE to go after his brother's body, because ANGST. He is SO that type of Red. He finds the abandoned box somewhere (we're not even touching why Trakeena has a jeep) but the box is empty. And then he sees Mike tied to a tree. DUN DUN DUN.

Maya tells Damon to go be the decoy and he is SO GRUMPY about it. "Hope no one attacks me!" he yells and then makes them all chase him. He hates being the decoy and I love him SO MUCH. Of course, he leads them straight to the others because he is AMAZING. Seriously, every character on this is so great.

Leo unchains his brother who is all tied to a tree and they hug. Mike has such lovely floppy hair. Mike is all "can't explain how I'm not dead, we need the Lights of Orion." They're a powerful source of energy and they've been stuck in a cave for eons. A cave on Terra Venture.

UM. UM UM. WHAT. See my earlier rant on the geography because REALLY? DID THEY JUST CARVE OUT A WHOLE CHUNK OF THE EARTH AND PUT IT ON A SPACESHIP? LIKE. REALLY?

So Leo opens up the cave ruins thing and climbs through. There's a treasure chest inside a cage, and he opens it up to find a smaller box. Mike hits him on the head and takes the small box, leaving Leo to lay on the cave floor and have a sad.

The Rangers are all "MIKE BETRAYED US" but Kendrix is all "Mike would never betray us" and then oh, really? THE SUPPOSEDLY DEAD GUY IS ACTUALLY A MONSTER. They are SO NOT SMART. Really, Rangers need to send out a handbook to new teams or something.

There's a fight and Maya manages to get the box of fish away from them. Leo has a very angry sad, and a flashback to Mike's death and that gives him the RAAAAAAAAAAGE he needs to fight the monster who impersonated his brother. And really, if they were at all smart they wouldn't have revealed fake!Mike yet, but let him be a traitor inside for a few episodes.

Furio manages to get the box back, but they form the starfish formation. Then the monster grows and they summon the ugly zords. Leo attacks Furio while the others are piloting the Zords. They shoot the Condor at the monster and it blows up.

Leo manages to get the fish away from Furio, but Furio opens the box. Only to find out that the box is empty. Trakeena is so pissed at Furio because the box is empty. They get away. Scorpius yells at Furio, and is all "nope, done with you, once and for all." Trakeena decides to give Furio one last chance for some unknown reason, and I'm assuming it's because they're dating.

Back on the ship, Kai is making cookies! BECAUSE HE IS THE BEST. Damon keeps trying to sneak cookie dough, because HE is the best. And Kai is totally adorable all covered with flour. Seriously, the five of them are SO DOMESTIC AND I LOVE THEM.

Maya asks why you can't eat cookie dough, and Damon and Kai argue over whether the dough or the cookies are better.

Meanwhile, Kendrix is comforting Leo, because he still has a sad. He comes back and asks for some cookie dough, but Maya has apparently taken Kai's side in the argument and tells him that he can't eat it until it's cooked.

And then there's an orgy.

Fish: FIVE. THIS WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE IF THEY WERE NOT ON A SPACE SHIP.