Episode 70 - Welcome to Venus Island

Hi! We live! I am back from vacation, and now we have a lot of recaps to catch up on! We're behind on the schedule, which is totally my fault. But! We will catch up, so expect quite a few recaps this week. And probably a post on the reairing of season 1, once we actually catch more than 15 minutes of it.

So. This episode. "Fish do fishy things that require a lot of fish to accomplish their fishy fish."

The episode opens on the beach, where Trini, Kimberly and Tommy are building a sandcastle with an inappropriate young friend named Halle or Haley. I hope that this girl secretly grows up to be a genius and make fun of Tommy on Dino Thunder. Haley tells them that there's a princess in the castle sleeping and waiting for a prince to rescue her. Kimberly says that's romantic. Oh, Kimberly, really? Sleeping Beauty is not an active character. Please don't be telling little girls that they should just wait around waiting for a prince to come and kiss them and rescue them. Let them rescue themselves! And be active!

Then Trini sees Richie, and adorkable music plays, and she has such a crush. Awwww. (I don't understand why they felt the need to give her a different love interest when they had Billy, but whatever.)

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull have a cunning plan to figure out the Power Rangers identities - they dress up as Z putties (actually, their costumes are pretty good) and they figure that the only people who would stop them would be the Power Rangers. So they go stomp on some kid's sand castle, and then the kid beats them up. Good times! Of course, then Lord Zedd is all annoyed that Bulk and Skull are demeaning his putties, so he sends Goldar down to kidnap Haley for some unknown reason.

At some point, the Rangers notice that Haley has disappeared. They run over, just in time to see Goldar teleport away with her. Goldar has dropped a bottle that has some message from Zedd in a weird language. Also, Kimberly's shorts are unbuttoned. What exactly was she doing with Tommy and Trini?

Back on the moon, Zedd is pissed at Goldar for losing the message in the bottle. Goldar claims he lost it in the fight. What fight? When was there a fight? He just teleported out! Did he lose to a little girl? Because that would be awesome! Zedd changes his mind and decides this is for the best, because now the Rangers will just go do something and then hand over Tommy. Oh, Zedd, your obsession with Tommy is pretty amazing.

Anyway, the Rangers teleport to the Command Center, and Billy uses some nifty scanning technology to figure out that the message was actually Goldar's instructions to take Haley to Venus Island.

So. Here's where the fish come in. Why was Zedd so mad that Goldar lost the instructions? Goldar already did what he was supposed to do! Why didn't he just tell Goldar what to do? And if Zedd's grand plan was to make the Rangers go to Venus Island, then why didn't they just make that the random note? Also, why are they trying to turn a tiny child evil anyway? (Oh, yes, the plan - Zedd is going to turn Haley evil. Or Tommy will surrender himself and be evil instead. At least I think that was what they were trying to do - we kept yelling about fish.)

Anyway, Zordon explains about Venus Island. Apparently it's an island that Zedd can summon, that only exists when Zedd wants it to. Zordon doesn't know where it is. But they can follow the trade winds at sunset and that will lead them there. Everyone is all confused and wondering how to follow the the wind. Billy goes to his lab to invent something, and comes up with a weather balloon. Meanwhile, Zordon keeps saying that the island is getting more and more unstable. He can tell that, but he can't figure out where the island is. Sure.

Jason, Trini and Billy go to launch the weather balloon at sunset. Apparently the clip Billy made for his sensor is too heavy, so Jason steals Trini's scrunchie, and uses that to attach it instead. Cue the drama! They teleport to the Command Center, and Zordon says that the weather balloon is now over the Atlantic. The Atlantic? Seriously? Angel Grove is supposed to be in California, right? How did it get to the Atlantic?! And then they check a map, and look, there's an island! Why is an island that can only be summoned by Zedd on their map? And how come it isn't marked? I don't know.

Also, I still have no idea what Zedd's plan was. If he wanted Haley as bait, shouldn't he have made it easier for the Rangers to find her? And if he wanted to turn her evil then.... no, why would he want to turn her evil?

Tommy says he's going to go along on this mission, and everyone points out that he's too weak. He promises to teleport back if Zedd attacks. Which brings up the question of why he would go along if he's not going to help fight.

On the island (which looks remarkable like the Island of Illusion, Trini comments that the flowers look weird. Maybe that's because they're made of paper. Just a suggestion. Zedd sends down the Invenusable Fly Trap (best name ever) to attack them. Tommy morphs anyway. Because he is a lying liar who lies. The Invenusable Fly Trap traps everyone in its stomach but Tommy and Trini, and they teleport out so that Zordon can tell them what to do.

Tommy has a giant emo fit about how he will go surrender himself to rescue Haley, and that he'll try and resist Zedd (because that worked so well last time) and to tell everyone he's sorry. Blah blah blah. Just as he's about to go, Alpha pipes up with a solution - the monster should be vulnerable to heat. So unfortunately Tommy doesn't need to go surrender himself. Instead, he and Trini teleport down and start talking about heat.

This apparently lets the other Rangers (who are just sitting in the monster's stomach) figure out that they need to create heat, so they use the power of fish to charge their power coins and then they punch the monster and then they're free. Then they all summon the power weapons and blow up the monster.

Back on the moon, Zedd tells Goldar that he couldn't outsmart a fish sandwich. Because the fish are clearly ruling this episode. Then Zedd starts to sink the island. But before it sinks into the ocean (which Billy can tell because there is an earthquake) they find Haley in a cave. Tommy is going to go surrender himself, but Trini stops him. Instead she goes and shoots the barrier thing which evaporates. Haley wakes up, and Tommy picks her up. She calls him a prince. Whatever.

At the Youth Center, Bulk and Skull are interrogating Haley about the Power Rangers. Somehow she seems to have seen Tommy and Jason without their helmets on! Except we don't know when this happened! They've hired a sketch artist to draw the people she's describing, but he ends up drawing some nobility instead. Everyone laughs. The Rangers all look relieved.

Lists:
Fish - five. Fishiest episode ever.

Billy speak - We're sure that there was some, but we were too busy yelling fish.

Episode 66 - Bloom Of Doom

Today on Power Rangers - Kimberly and Trini are totally girlfriends BFF, Bulk proposes the greatest crossover since we found out Batman exists in the Power Rangers Universe and Kimberly proves why she is my favorite female Ranger.

So, we open with a club fair. Apparently this is the last day to sign up for clubs. If you move in the middle of the year you aren't allowed to join. Sorry, Stone Canyon Trio! Also, it appears that you can only sign up for one club. Angel Grove makes no sense.

Zack is running a hip hop kido club, which means we get gratuitous shots of him dancing. *fans self* You know, they could just show us 22 minutes of that, I'd have no real problem. Jason, Tommy and Billy don't seem to have any clubs (really, Billy, you aren't running Young Scientists of America? And Jason and Tommy aren't doing something martial arts related? Okay, whatever, we guess they're busy joining the fishing club.) Trini is running the volleyball club, and the show remembered that Kimberly has an interest in flowers so points for continuity! Nobody seems to be interested in joining Kimberly's club, they're all signing up for Trini's. Poor Kimberly is a little bit jealous, which is a perfectly normal reaction. And really, how many high school students are going to sign up for a gardening club?

Zedd sees a sign of weakness among the Rangers, and decides to put a spell on Kimberly to magnify her jealousy and tear the team apart. At least that's what he says he's going to do - unfortunately it appears that a fish got in the way of his plans. Anyway, he sends a putty down to replace Kimberly's cactus with one that will put a spell on her, instead of just hitting it with something from space. The putty has long hair and a trenchcoat. Clearly, he's evil. And we lose a few minutes laughing hysterically.

Oh, and did we mention that Bulk and Skull are running the unsolved mysteries club? How much do we love them, seriously. Of course, we find out that they had to bribe people to join their club, and I just want to hug them both, even if they are horribly mean to Kimberly.

While the putty is stealing Kim's cactus, Ernie makes Kim a drink, and is very much the inappropriate friends, the older generation. Oh, Ernie, we know that you're just trying to make sure that the Rangers all stay emotionally stable.

Anyway, Kimberly talks to her cactus, and then is under a spell. Amy Jo Johnson does bitchy really well. Ernie suggests that Tommy give her some flowers to cheer her up, but really, it doesn't count if Tommy doesn't think of it himself. Kimberly bitches out both Trini and Tommy, and then goes off to her garden. Seriously, I love her so much.

Trini's first practice for volleyball club is apparently 15 minutes after the club fair ends, which makes me assume that she didn't help clean up. Fail, Trini! She's also not very good at teaching volleyball, but we'll forgive her. Especially because her hair is adorable. Soon after Jason and Tommy show up to discuss Kim, and Trini's practice must have been really short. They say that normally Kim wouldn't be upset about nobody signing up for her club, because Rangers aren't allowed to experience any sort of negative emotion, they must be happy and perky all the time. No wonder Tommy is so much better when he's evil.

While this is going on, Zedd creates the Bloom of Doom, which will give everyone bad allergies. Speaking as someone with horrible allergies, this is a perfectly good way to conquer the planet. Zordon notices the monster (although he hasn't yet realized that Kimberly is under a spell) and tells the Rangers to go to the cityside of the park. The cityside? How big is this park? How does the geography work? Is the other side the beach? Angel Grove geography makes no sense!

Trini is concerned that Tommy's powers will fail, but Zordon says it is up to Tommy, and Tommy is determined to go fight.

Meanwhile, in Kimberly's garden, her communicator beeps, and Kimberly does the best over the top perky voice ever when she answers. Oh, Kim, I ♥ you. Zordon comes up with a new weapon for her, which is a ribbon. It will... do something. IDK.

The Rangers all go to fight the monster and the fish take over the episode. What's the point of Zedd's plan again? Kimberly is still fighting the monster, and the other Rangers are concerned about her, but it isn't tearing the team apart, so I really don't know what Zedd was trying to accomplish. However, the Bloom of Doom spits its fire pollen at them, and they are so overcome by the allergens that they start doing flips. Kimberly almost manages to destroy the monster with her ribbon thing, but Trini tries to finish off the monster by hitting it, which temporarily shreds the ribbon, and Kim yells at her. That isn't really Trini's fault, nobody bothered to fill her in on the new weapon. Fail, Zordon! Anyway, somehow Kim gets stuck in another dimension, the other Rangers all miraculously recover from their allergy attacks, and they go back to the Command Center to discuss.

Billy's suggestion is that Trini needs to throw her daggers at a 90 degree angle and that will a) free Kimberly and b) break the spell.

... OH, SHOW. For real? Okay. I guess that isn't quite as bad as negative protons. Trini does so, and Kim is free, and then they all summon the power weapons and defeat the Bloom of Doom.

Back at the Youth Center, the club fair is still apparently going on, since there are a bunch of girls who were apparently sent to the wrong location to sign up. The principal apologizes for messing up the ad in the school paper (... the principal does the ad in the paper? Oh, Angel Grove. Fail harder.) and Kimberly says next time she'll call all the girls personally. But if she knew they wanted to sign up, why didn't she call them before she flipped out? Meanwhile, she apologizes to Trini for being a giant bitch, even though she was under a spell. Whatever.

Bulk and Skull show up and threaten to reveal the identities of the power rangers. They don't. For some reason the Rangers actually appeared worried.

Oh, and Bulk introduces himself as Indiana Bulk, and I demand that a crossover exist immediately

Fish: 3.5. Zedd's plan makes no sense.

Billy speak: "It's incendiary pollen, I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust."
"If you throw your daggers at a 90 degree directional course"

Questions: Describe the geography of Angel Grove. We'll give you a cookie if you can!

Episode 48 - Plague Of The Mantis

Trini is learning Mantis Kung Fu from a random master. She is not very good at it. The most honorable tradition is a fair fight - go in equal numbers. The random master gives her an actual preying mantis to observe.

Bulk and Skull are watching, and they start calling what Trini is doing "Bug Fu." Then they decide to go find a bug of their own to imitate, so that they can charge people to learn from them. Then Bulk gets covered in a milkshake.

Rita decides to send down a mantis monster because of what Trini is learning.

The other Rangers are watching, and Jason says they might all have to learn to keep up with her, but Trini is really struggling with it. Zack is scared of the bug. We're amazed that they remembered. They ask why Trini wanted to learn, and she says because it emphasizes fairness. Apparently it is a REAL challenge not to cheat.

Bulk and Skull show up claiming to be masters of the mystical cockroach kung fu. Zack is freaked out, and Kimberly is disgusted. Skull asks Kimberly out, and she says she doesn't date bugs. Bulk and Skull demonstrate their "skills" and then the Rangers run off to go to the library.

Trini is in the park practicing, when Zordon calls her and says that there's something suspicious in the park. She goes to look, and sees the Mantis monster. It actually looks like one! We're impressed. She tells Zordon to call for backup, and then morphs.

Trini is getting beaten up, and then the other Rangers show up. The monster says that Trini has no honor, because they attacked it with unequal numbers.

Back at the Command Center, Trini feels awful because it's like they cheated. But as Zack points out, it is a MONSTER BUG. So, I don't even know. Trini goes to the Youth Center to practice, where a note mysteriously appears for her. She reads it and leaves, but doesn't take the note. The note turns out to be from the monster, who offers Trini the chance to redeem her honor by fighting individually.

The other Rangers read the note, and decide to investigate. They run over to the quarry, even though they have teleporation abilities. On the way, they get attacked by Putties while Trini is fighting the Mantis. Trini starts to win, so the Mantis brings in a bunch more putties. Trini asks the monster about its honor, and it points out that it HAS no honor, it is one of Rita's monsters.

Zordon finally decides that he should tell the others that Trini is in trouble, so even though they haven't finished with the putties yet, they morph and go join in. I wonder what happened to the putties. When Trini sees them she lets the Mantis know that now it's a fair fight.

Rita makes the monster grow, and we get a long Zord summoning sequence. Trini tells them to watch the Mantis' footwork, and also that it will concentrate all of its energy on a quick single blow. Even with watching its feet, they get hit pretty quickly, and then summon the power sword. They actually fight with the sword for a minute, instead of just using the finishing move. But then Jason decides he's had enough, and the bug gets squished.

Back on the moon, Rita is beating her minions with her wand. At the Command Center, Zordon congratulates Trini, and Billy can't keep his hands off Trini.

At the Youth Center, most of the Rangers are watching Random Reporter guy talk about how awesome they are, while Trini is practicing with Master Li. She's much better this time. Bulk and Skull are trying to charge $50 an hour for lessons, and then they manage to break the jar with cockroaches, and Bulk gets covered in roaches, while the Rangers point and laugh. Eww.

Fish: 2. They remembered that Zack is scared of bugs!

Covered in: Bulk gets covered with cockroaches. EWW. Also, a milkshake.

Billy speak: None! *sadface*

Episode 37- Clean-Up Club

Today on Power Rangers we are, once again, reminded that Angel Grove lacks quality education. And that we're old.

We start out in Ms. Applebee's class. She is the only teacher employed by Angel Grove High School and there is, apparently, only one very large classroom. Today they are doing video documentaries. On VHS tapes. Oh god we are so OLD.

Skull is filming Bulk. That is apparently going to be their documentary.

Trini does a documentary on pollution. Ms. Applebee agrees it's a disturbing trend and Trini proposes a Clean-Up Club to get cracking on all that pollution in Angel Grove. The other rangers immediately volunteer to join the club.

Meanwhile, Rita is spying on them. Per usual. She decides to foil their recycling plans by creating and sending down the Polluticorn monster. It's a unicorn with claws that... pollutes. Really? On Power Rangers? Okay, he's kind of lame here, but we think he would be ten times more awesome as a Captain Planet monster. He would totally work there. Here, not so much.

We then see them all at the Youth Center later that day. They're wearing matching green shirts that say Clean-Up Club. Those got made awfully fast. Jason and Zack karate chop some cans and Billy is painting some recycle bins for the Juice Bar. Apparently nobody has ever recycled in Angel Grove before. Ever. Despite the last attempt at cleaning up pollution.

The kids all head to a park to do some clean up and it is absolutely TRASHED. I've never seen anything look that bad, even with horrible litter, unless a tornado just hit. Or it was my kids' bedroom. Either way, their park has NEVER looked this bad. Billy takes a soil sample and puts it in some solution in a test tube and it immediately turns green, which means the park is totally polluted. First of all, soil samples don't work that way. Second of all, SCIENCE does not work that way.

Lots of acrobatics ensue while the rangers clean up the gigantic mess, and all without wearing gloves. I shudder at the thought. Mostly it seems to be just paper lying about, so it fills up a bunch of trash bags, but doesn't take that long to clean. Billy then immediately tests the soil again (not how it works, Billy) and magically it comes out clean, all pollution gone. NOT HOW IT WORKS, SHOW!

Rita, however, interrupts. She sends down some putties and a really awesome fight scene takes place amidst the trash. Billy is really improving his fighting skills here. They also let David Yost show off his mad gymnastics skills and I am very impressed. I wish they'd let him show off like that more often. They do a pyramid of awesome and Kim and Trini tag team some putties. Then Jason has really nice arms. And a nice ass. But mostly nice arms.

Goldar and Scorpina head down with Polluticorn and the rangers morph. Jason has gotten really good at his "It's morphin time!" exclamations and we assume he's taken some lessons from Tommy. Tommy is good at getting Jason enthusiastic about things. They fight and then end up going back to the Command Center, where Zordon is running an analysis on the Polluticorn.

Billy is asked to decipher the results, calls Zordon "Sir", and then they waste a lot of paper. All for Billy to discover they need to cut off the Polluticorn's horn to stop him. So they morph and go fight him at a recycling plant. I have to wonder though... if there wasn't any recycling in Angel Grove before, why do they have a huge recycling plant? While I ponder these pressing questions, Jason goes to fight Polluticorn on his own while the others go after Goldar and Scorpina. It's a pretty impressive fight, actually.

Jason has to pull out the Shield of Cheap Bling and then Rita makes Polluticorn grow, lest Jason and his Shield of Cheap Bling stop him. They have the shortest Zord summoning sequence ever and then beat him with just the MegaZord. It's really pretty cool to see them beat a monster with just the MegaZord again. I missed it's awesomeness.

After the fight, back at the Youth Center, they watch Reporter Guy report on the latest monster attack. They sure do watch themselves a lot. Deciding it's time to get working, they go down and start adding to large stacks of papers, plastic bottles, and soda cans. Whomever thought it was a good idea to stack 500 soda cans needs to be smacked upside their head. We suspect it was Billy, as he's the only one stacking, but we can't be sure. This, of course, will not end well.

And right on cue, in walk Bulk and Skull. Skull is still filming Bulk, who's trying to appear helpful. Skull falls into the papers and bottles and Bulk, laughing, trips over a tire and knocks down the entire soda can tower. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

In school the following day, in the only class run by the only teacher, she very rudely tells Bulk it's his turn. Skull hands over the VHS tape (OMGwearesoOLD) and it's a video that makes Bulk look really really bad. Ms. Applebee, apparently gunning for the Worst Teacher of the Year award, laughs at them. Bulk then attempts to chase Skull out of the classroom but can't get out of his desk because he is, apparently, too fat. Everyone laughs some more. Way to go with the fat jokes, Power Rangers.

All in all, we give this episode only 1.5 fish. It's pretty consistent overall and the only real glaringly obvious problem with it is the science. Science does not work how Billy pretends it works.

Billy Speak: "I'm deeply concerned about the ecological ramifications of ozone depletion, acid rain, deforestation and the loss of our top soils."

"I'm using a special mixture of totally organic paint, pigmented with various natural substances."

"This kind of wanton disregard is so destructive to such a fragile ecosystem."

"My analysis shows that the Polluticorn derives its power from its horn."

Covered in food: nobody (though Bulk is covered in recycling and garbage bags, but not food)... we may have to retire this category soon.

Discussion question: Why was there a large recycling plant if nobody recycled before Trini started the Clean-Up Club? Also, if they only intend to recycle one day a week (as stated with the club), what do they do the rest of the time?

Episode 13- No Clowning Around

We start out this episode really happy because it's a Trini-centric episode, but the happiness is short lived. This is the creepiest, weirdest episode I think I've watched thus far. I spent most of it unsure what was going on, actually.

It opens at some kind of carnival or fair. It looks like it might be fun with a ferris wheel and carousel (I love carousels), but there are clowns. And clowns are creepy. If you didn't think they were creepy before, you will after this episode.

Zack is walking around on some rockin' stilts and we're impressed. He's awesome! Billy throws out some typical Billy-speak and then Zack shows off by dancing. He's not half bad either... until he falls over. He is caught by Jason in what is probably the most romantic pose ever to happen in the entirety of Power Rangers. Seriously, Zack literally falls into Jason's arms, is encompassed by him, and lowered safely to the ground in Jason's warm embrace. Zack sing-songs "My big strong hero" and then kisses Jason on the cheek. I'm not even kidding, it's actually there on screen. Zack and Jason, in this scene, get more action and romance in this one scene than anybody in Power Rangers does until Tommy shows up. Zack/Jason is totally canon, and probably the only thing in Power Rangers I didn't ship until... um... well, now. But now I do and we wants fic!

Moving on we see Trini running to catch up to the gang with her Random Relative of the week, Cousin Sylvia. We meet the creepy clown who's name is Pineapple and we struggle to not make Pennywise references. Yeah, it didn't work. Pineapple the Clown offers to teach children juggling, but Billy kind of takes over and jumps at the chance. He sucks at it though so his eggs (why they're juggling with raw eggs I don't even know) end up flying through the air and landing on Bulk and Skull in what proves to be their only appearance all episode. Sylvia wants to stay and juggle with leering Pineapple the Clown, but Trini reminds her they need to stick together and drags her off to attempt a human pyramid. It fails and Sylvia, apparently unimpressed, runs off to see Creepy the Clown again. She looks to be about 10 years old. She really ought to know better by that point.

Trini ends up in a minor state of panic until she finds Random Relative Sylvia with Creepy the Clown. Trini tries to pull her away, but Pineapple gets grabby with the little girls and won't let go of Sylvia. He turns her into a cardboard cutout and then runs away. Yeah... I don't even know what's going on at this point.

It ought to be noted that while Trini ran off to find her wayward cousin, the rest of the Rangers just up and went on a park ride. They didn't help look for the missing kid. Trini catches up to them, their fun time now over, and shows them Cardboard Cutout Sylvia. She is sent to Billy's garage to use one of his devices to turn her back into a human and we just have to stop and love the fact that Billy has a machine to turn cardboard into people. In his garage. Because he's Billy. I could smush him.

Jason grabs a megaphone and starts calling out for the evacuation of the carnival. Instead of questioning a random teenager telling them to run, the residents of Angel Grove just run away. Either they know he's a Ranger (probably) or they're very well trained to hide at the slightest inkling of a monster attack. Billy ought to have gone to help Trini, but instead ends up leaving the others to deal with putties while he chases after Pineapple on his own. We think he might have a clown fetish. We marvel at the ingenuity of the Rangers using their environment to help beat the putties. They did an awesome job of improvising with the carnival rides.

Meanwhile, Alpha is in Billy's garage helping Trini reanimate Sylvia. He discovers all the water has been removed from her body, thus turning her into cardboard. Um... wha??? Again, I don't even know. We were yelling FISH by 10 minutes into this episode. That's never a good sign. He dumps some buckets of water on the cardboard, she comes back to the life, Alpha runs and hides, and Trini apologizes for what I don't know.

Trini runs to assist in the fight, they summon the Zords, and then Billy throws his Triceratops horns at the overgrown clown that now resembles some kind of deformed plant. He calls himself the Pinoctopus. He neither resembles a pineapple nor an octopus, so I'm just left scratching my head.

Zack uses his Zord to freeze the Pinoctopus and we see a nice background shot of a glacier. Which is amusing since the Mastodon Zord was standing next to the other Zords on... grassy flatland. Mmkay. Angel Grove geography is just weird. That not being sufficient, they form the MegaZord and Billy suggests something akin to lasers. That's good, but not good enough apparently, as Jason so harshly points out, and so they do... something? and defeat the Pinoctopus. It looked like somebody pulled a wire out of the ground and made dirt fly up and then he exploded, but we're not entirely sure what it was supposed to be. Again, no clue what's really going on, so fish fish fish.

The day is saved, Random Relative Sylvia thanks Trini for teaching her not to run off (seriously? she's ten and nobody taught her this before?), and then Billy is adorable on not-stilts. Credits roll. The end.

I'm still scratching my head and not sure what I just watched.

List time!
Covered in food: Bulk and Skull covered in raw egg

Billy!speak (and lots of it!):
"Remember to keep your center of gravity correctly proportioned."
"I estimate we'll lose structural integrity in about 8.3 seconds."
"We're in imminent danger of collapse!"
"She's been subatomically transduced into a two dimensional space."
"The quasitronic molecular generator in my garage could be the answer."
"Bipedally ambulate to the nearest convenient outlet."
"According to my calculations a multi-phased energy blast should overload him and bring on his destruction."

Overall we give this episode 4 fish due to the sheer rediculousness of the water turning a cardboard person back into a person, Billy's clown fetish, the weird battle, creepy grabby clowns, and the overall wtf-ery of the entire episode.

Episode 11- For Whom the Bell Trolls

I love this episode. I know it has a lot of problems, but I love it anyway. It's very much an episode for my OTP (Billy/Trini ftw!) but it's full of... well... fish.

It's Hobby Week at Angel Grove High. Wait, what? Hobby Week? Is this like, show and tell for high schoolers? I'm a little puzzled. Even my second grader doesn't get show and tell anymore, but there is Hobby Week in a high school? That's just ridiculous. So we learn Jason is into martial arts (duh), Kim is into gymnastics (duh), and Zack is into surfing. I can't recall ever hearing about the surfing again and think he really ought to have danced for them instead, but what do I know? I'm just a reviewer with some semblance of a memory and a penchant for continuity. Trini brings in her doll collection. She is mocked for it, of course, but I think it's cute that Billy at least tries to shush Bulk and Skull. Aw. We also discover, from her lamenting at Trini's luck, Rita is sad and bitter because she had a lousy childhood. She watches their every move. It's creepy and obsessive, actually, much like Edward Cullen. *shudder*

We then find out Billy has built a volcano. In high school. When he probably built something bigger and better when he was, oh, 3 years old. This is Billy we're talking about. I mean, not three episodes ago he had built a device to read minds that ended up switching bodies, and here he is with... a volcano. Of course by the end of it, Bulk ends up covered in the contents of the volcano and then spits it out at Skull.

Mrs. Applebee sends them off like a kindergarten teacher with the homework of "For English, read chapter 4! Question Marks. Why do we need them?" This is supposed to be HIGH SCHOOL and they're learning about the necessity and purpose of QUESTION MARKS????? It's a wonder the intelligence level of Angel Grove isn't drastically lower what with the disturbing lack of quality in the public education system. Or maybe it is... after all, nobody really seemed to figure out who the Rangers are.

We are treated to a shot of Trini's house and then the creepiest room EVER. Her room is covered in dolls, all staring blankly at her as she climbs into bed. Creeeeppppyyyyy.

Next morning we see Billy unlock and open Trini's car door for her as he promises to help her find her missing Ticklesneezer. Awwwwww. So chivalrous. Little do they know, Squat snuck into her room last night and stole Ticklesneezer for Rita's nefarious plans (or to reclaim her sad, doll-less childhood, we're not entirely sure). I'd like to take a moment to give kudos for the set team. They have both Billy and Trini demonstrating proper seatbelt usage. Way to be safety minded, guys, good job!

Moving on, they come across Ticklesneezer and get sucked into his bottle to be his treasure. They cling to each other as they scream in terror and... never use the communicators to call for help. After a good 8+ hours of the doll missing (dream!Zordon!fail, seriously), Zordon finally contacts Jason, Zack, and Kim. They are sent to go fight Goldar (with wings!), Squat, Baboo, and a whole bunch of putties. But oh no, Kim is the only one able to hold her own! That's because she is awesome and Trini clearly knows this.

Ticklesneezer joins the party and Kim manages to rescue Billy and Trini from his bottle. Because Kim is awesome. And we have no clue what Zack and Jason are doing all the while, but whatever. There is a ridiculously long Zord sequence, they wrestle the bottle away, threaten Rita (yay, direct confrontation!), and then convince Ticlesneezer to return his "goodies" to the correct time and place. TIME and place? Time? Is Ticklesneezer's bottle the TARDIS or something?

But we soon forget that bit of confusion when we discover Trini is still asleep in her bed. Well goodness, it was all a dream! How could we have been so blind. She awakens to discover Ticklesneezer missing from her nightstand and oh no! We're all so scared that maybe it wasn't a dream after all. We discover Ticklesneezer has just fallen to the floor and it really was all just a dream. Tricksy writers, you sure fooled us (or, y'know, not). /sarcasm

Back in class for a continuation of Hobby Week, we find out Bulk and Skull's names are actually Farkus and Eugene. I don't get the knock on Eugene. It's a good, solid name! Anyway, they like parasites and bring in a flea circus. Billy actually looks interested and leans forward in his seat to see, but alas, the fleas have escaped and are now devouring Mrs. Applebee. The class laughs while their poor teacher writhes in itchy itchy agony.

This gets 4 fish. We were going to be generous with 3.5 since most of the wtf-ery can be explained by it being a dream, but really... hobby week and learning about question marks (and Billy building a volcano) in high school? We just can't in good conscious give it less than a 4.

List time!
Billy Speak: "my homemade volcano will expocate how eruption occurs when gas and lava gush forth from the opening." Okay, note here. We KNOW expocate isn't a word. The only word it could actually be is explicate, however Billy clearly says expocate, so that's what I wrote.

Covered in food: Bulk in volcano (counts as food I guess since it's baking soda), who then spits it on Skull. Bulk also gets cake all over his hand when he mimics Jason and Zack punching through boards... using chocolate cake.

Episode 7- Big Sister

I strongly dislike this episode. It's horrible. It's a struggle to get through it. This episode contains some of the worst dubbing EVER. The plot is... um... well I'm sure it's there somewhere and I might be able to find it if only I could dig deep enough. Alas, I haven't the fortitude. As it is, TSB required a glass of wine and I downed an entire beer before we could watch this episode in it's entirety. We needed the alcohol to numb us.

We start the episode with Kim and Trini, atrociously dressed, looking frantically around the Youth Center for a little girl in pigtails. We learn she's twelve, named Maria, and part of a Big Sisters program for which Kim and Trini volunteered their time. Thankfully we get to be distracted from the blindingly bad clothing by Jason and Zack sparring. Jason's arms are dazzling and Zack is shirtless. It's so pretty we've decided Zack should have spent the rest of the series shirtless. That is one good looking young man.

We're then treated to the apparently hilarious sight of a group of teenage boys running out of the shower, soap in their hair and towels around their waists. Maria is laughing by the valve for the hot water, having shut it off to get Kim and Trini's attention. Why she needed to pull a prank (and way to be supportive and understanding, Rangers, laughing at the poor mostly naked boys) to get the attention of two teenagers who spent the past half hour looking for her, I'm not sure.

Rita has found the Power Eggs, some sort of weapon she's been looking for for all of ten seconds. She can't open the box, however, and needs a child. She commands Finster to make her a monster to kidnap a diabolic and mean child, and requests the Chunky Chicken. He does not even remotely resemble a tin of questionable meat, though that's all I can think of when he's on screen. Chunky Chicken. Bad name for a monster. Bad name for a food product at that.

Kim and Trini have taken the Not-A-Twelve-Year-Old to the park for a picnic. Kim has asked her about boys, apparently assuming all twelve year olds are interested in them (surprise surprise, they're not), when, oh no, they're attacked by putties! The Not-A-Twelve-Year-Old is not even the slightest bit scared and instead manages to get herself kidnapped. The girls race back to the Youth Center (why didn't they just use their communicators?) only to find Jason daring Zack to eat an enormous ice cream sundae. It was surprisingly typical behaviour for teenage boys and I'm amazed it made it into the episode. They hardly get a word in before the communicators start making an odd sound and we find out they're not working! We don't know why they're not working, and we never find out, but how very convenient for the plot.

I can forgive that, however, as we're introduced to the most awesome vehicle ever, the Radbug! Billy has been working on it in his garage for awhile as a surprise. We can only assume Trini, despite all the time spent at Billy's, did not know about it because Billy wanted to surprise her... in a very uncomfortable place. I also must mention that Trini, Jason, and Kim all fit in the back. Of a Volkswagon. In a very uncomfortable place, if you know what I mean. The Radbug gets our heroes to the Command Center in record time where we discover Zordon knows absolutely nothing about what's been going on. Zordon's observing skills really need some work. Zordon has been fearing Rita would find the Power Eggs for ten millennium, yet he didn't set up some kind of watch to see if she'd go after them? It took her all of ten seconds to find them... Zordon!fail.

The Rangers take the Radbug to the location of the Power Eggs and meet up with Goldar, Squat, Baboo, and the Tinned Meat Product. They morph, they fight, and then we see Rita flying on her bicycle! This whole episode could be worth it just because we get to see Rita on her bicycle. That's one classy villain. The Rangers call the Zords in the Longest. Summoning. Sequence. EVER. I think it took a quarter of the episode just to summon the Zords. The MegaZord catches Maria just as the Tinned Meat Product cuts the ropes that are dangling her over... somewhere. We can't help but cheer on the Tinned Meat Product. We don't particularly care what happens to Maria and the Bad Dubbing of Doom, despite Jason's creepy obsession with saving "the little girl". Billy summons the Radbug and it, like the true hero it is, saves the day by getting Bad-Dubbing-of-Doom Maria off our screen.

I must note that the Rangers talk to Maria while they are holding her in the MegaZords hands and she can clearly hear them. While doing so, they call each other BY NAME. Way to be discreet and protect your secret identities there, guys.

We are treated to the shortest fight scene ever and then back to the Youth Center. Mr. Reporter Guy is reporting on some environmentally conscious youths in the area when he interrupts the story to tell us the Power Rangers saved the day and rescued a little girl. Good job, Mr. Reporter Guy! Ernie then asks Kim to get his bowl of freshly made vegetarian chili, declares it on the house, and then a crowd convenes around Kim causing her to throw the chili. It lands, rather predictably, on Bulk in his only appearance in this episode.

And that's the end of that one, thank goodness. List time!

Billy speak: None really.
Covered with food: Bulk gets covered in vegetarian chili and the poor guy doesn't even get a line.

Rating: 4 fish. Were it not for the Radbug and Rita's bicycle, this would have been a 4.5 at the very least.

Episode 3 - Teamwork

Trini and Kim start a petition to get a local waste dumping site closed. Why do they want it closed? We’re not sure. Cleaned up makes sense, but to close it altogether? Where would the waste go? I mean, sure, if it’s toxic waste, of course it ought to be cleaned up. Nobody wants toxic waste. But if it’s just a dump? It’s never really made clear what exactly the girls are trying to get closed down. Who knows. I don’t think they thought this through very well.

Trini’s pants are atrocious. They are seriously hideous. I don’t think even Billy would wear that blue. They’re distressingly tight in all the wrong places. These pants set the tone for the entire rest of the episode. Need a visual? Just look at this!

Let me also take a moment to comment on Mr. Caplan’s suit. Wow. Just… there are no words. It’s… well just look at it!

Zack spends some time showing us his lack of covert operations skills and talks about Alpha in the middle of the hallway. Loudly. Good job, Zack! Thank goodness the teenagers and staff at Angel Grove High appear to be either deaf or completely oblivious.

Teamwork should come into play at some point in this episode, it being the title and all, but thus far it’s in short supply. Billy, Jason, and Zack all manage to worm their way out of helping the girls with their noble (or misguided) cause. Good job, guys. Way to be supportive.

Bulk and Skull make a brief appearance and we get our first glimpse of the female bullies. They were awesome, though short lived. Bulk and Skull make a mess in the hallway and then manage to get themselves stuck in the trash cans. Instead of picking up the mess, however, the girls just walk away and leave the hallway strewn with litter. There doesn’t seem to be much cleaning up in this episode about, well, cleaning up. Or teamwork for that matter.

And so we transition out of the school and witness the girls wandering around the dumping site they are attempting to get closed. Apparently they’re looking for the owners to deliver the petition, but instead all they find is gross trash. It’s a dump site. I’m not entirely sure what they expected to find. We get a shot of some sludgy green pond and Kim can’t help but expound on the gross factor. *GASP* It’s POND SCUM! OH NOES!

Instead of the owners, Kim and Trini are confronted with a group of putties. Putties are awesome, even when fighting in a dump full of rusty metal drums and pond scum. The girls seem to be fighting MUCH better in this episode than the previous two. They’re more than holding their own and they don’t even feel the need to rely on the boys to help them! You go, girls!

So much for the Girl Power as we’re then treated with a shot of Zack teaching Alpha how to dance. There is just something wrong with that. We’re also introduced to Hip Hop Kido, Zack’s trademark style. As annoying as it could be at times, it was overall pretty cool, and at least that’s one thing that was consistent. We must give major credit to Zack for creating his own style of martial arts.

We then get to see the Monster of the Episode. Alas, he doesn’t seem to do much. Billy, in a fit of average language, calls it the “most menacing minotaur”. We have to wonder what happened to Billy here. Did he get a brain transplant? Was it an invasion of body snatchers? Did he have a temporary flash of desire to fit in? The world may never know.

I’d like to take a moment to point out that this episode has A LOT of fighting. I mean, a whole lot. It seems the more fighting, the less plot. We can’t complain too much about the particular fighting in this episode, however, as it really showcases Kim’s abilities and growth. After all, she takes on Goldar entirely on her own! That’s awesome. While Kim is taking on Goldar on her own, the boys can’t even stand their ground against the Minotaur monster. Go Kim!

And thus we get the calling of the Zords. Three episodes in and they can’t even be consistent with the summoning sequence. Kim doesn’t even call hers and yet, here comes pterodactyl! We’ll forgive them the inconsistency this time since we get some nice footage of the individual Zords doing their individual fighting scenes entirely… well… individually. Any sequence showing the Zords being awesome on their own is made of win. We are also introduced to the Triceratops Power Hooks. Neither of us can remember exactly if they ever appear again. We’ll keep you updated. They were pretty cool here, though, so whether they appear again or not, it was good to see.

The Rangers, mid fight against about the lamest monster thus far, suddenly retreat back to the Power Chamber. Why? Why to get the Power Weapons of course! While the weapons are totally awesome and we’re so excited to see them, they are NOT more powerful than the Zords and we’re a little confused why they had to get them NOW, in the middle of a fight, when they already had the Zords. The Minotaur then shrinks for some reason and we are treated to the fantastic assembling of the Power Weapons into one massive weapon. Jason levitates while assembling it though we didn’t know he had that power. I’ve decided it must be due to his massively large and oh so pretty arms. They’re all powerful, you know. We notice Goldar has disappeared. We’re not sure where he went or why. He could have helped out in this fight. He must have read the script, however, and the script for Power Rangers rarely makes much sense. The Minotaur is beaten and the Rangers congratulate each other before going back to school. Good thing too as we’re left with only about two more minutes before the episode ends.

The Rangers, now in their civilian clothes, walk down the hallways of school and we discover the mess from the earlier encounter with Bulk and Skull has not yet been cleaned up. First Kim and Trini just leave it, then Bulk and Skull just leave it, and it being after school hours now, we’re forced to assume the janitorial staff of Angel Grove High is either overworked, on strike, or just that bad. Mr. Caplan, considerably more cranky than in subsequent episodes, grumbles about it until he’s called away to speak with a Mrs. Quagmire. Quagmire? That name comes up later in a very interesting way.

The Rangers FINALLY decide to bring the title of the episode into play and scramble to clean up the mess together. Go teamwork! Though their teamwork needs a bit of work since they missed a piece of paper or two… or ten. They finish just in time for Mr. Caplan to return and, for some reason, lie about being the ones to clean the mess. We’re not sure why they lied. This is supposed to be a kids show. Lying is bad. Modeling lying is bad. And to lie about something good one has done? I just don’t get it.

Covert operations once again need some more practice as they answer the communicators in the hallway! Way to go guys. Real subtle there.

And credits roll. We’re left with numerous questions. The main plot of the episode was getting the waste dump site closed down. What happened with it? Did they get it closed? Will it be cleaned up? Did Trini and Kim retrieve their petitions? Was it ignored? Did they really just DROP the plot of the episode? We’ve only been able to come up with one answer to these questions. Fish. Just… fish.

List time? Sure, that’d be great, if there were much of anything to list! There are no new Ranger facts. Nobody gets covered in food. There is not a word of Billy speak and thus no Trini Translation. About all that’s really noteworthy of listing is the introduction of the Power Weapons, the first appearance of Mr. Caplan, and the few seconds of screentime for the female bullies.

All in all, this episode gets a 4 out of 5 fish for loose ends, unbelievable plots, and just general all around incomprehension.

Episode 2 - High Five

Well. We vanished off the face of the Earth, didn't we? Sorry about that. Things called 'the flu' and 'graduate school' got in the way for a while. But we're back with another recap.

Our first individual episode spotlights Trini and her fear of heights. We find this ridiculous, considering that according to Day of the Dumpster Trini is supposed to be fearless. Of course, we can't really blame Trini for being nervous - there is a distinct lack of mats under that rope, and we would be scared that we would fall. On the other hand, we also appreciate the entire rope sequence, because Jason has really nice arms. Also, we are fond of Jason wrapping his legs around Billy's head. And they said this show is for kids. Really.

This episode (yet again) functions to show exactly how mean the Rangers are to Bulk and Skull in this first season. Seriously, Kimberly, telling them to "crawl back to the ooze they came from"? That was uncalled for. You're supposed to be a role model. Please stop. Zack isn't much better, with his "if the rope fits" response to Bulk asking if he was stupid. We also cannot deal with the fat jokes. While Bulk doesn't get covered in food this episode, he ends up trying to climb the rope and pulls down the ceiling. What is that about?

We get a lot of backstory in this episode. We learn that Rita is responsible for trapping Zordon in the timewarp. We also learn that Billy is a super genius who tries to build a wrist watch cell phone but accidentally makes it teleport. Clearly he hasn't been doing anything but playing around with the Command Center tech since they got their powers.

We also wish that Alpha would never use slang again, because him calling the Rangers 'homeboys' and talking about 'the hood' just makes us sad. Partially because we know that it means that Alpha Six is coming, and also because it is just painful to watch.

We love Finster on this blog. We love his collection of monsters, already made. We love how Rita coos over them, and we also think the clay monsters are incredibly cute. However, apparently Rita only wants them to be gruesome and ugly. This possibly explains Goldar and Rito. We also think that they are really easy to beat, and we wonder if Finster was secretly sabotaging Rita from the beginning. Because the Rangers are still fairly pathetic at this point. Of course, Rita herself isn't helping matters, because her plans make absolutely no sense. What sort of plan requires a toy space shuttle and why are people running in terror as it slowly rolls down the street? (Side note - we liked the appearance of the monorail, mostly because we have fond memories of the first movie. And by the first movie, we mean Ivan Ooze.)

Meanwhile, in the Command Center, Zordon fails to notice that Rita is planning something. Rita knows everything that happens to the Rangers, but Zordon doesn't even notice that she launches a toy spaceship towards Earth. He needs to invest in better surveillance equipment. Not that we don't love the viewing globe.

Speaking of things we love yet find ridiculous - Zack's pants. And Jason's shorts. AMAZING.

We also love that it is still so early in the show that they are worried by putties. Of course, this is still so early in the show that Billy cannot handle himself at *all* so Trini needs to rescue him. We're okay with this, because we want Trini and Billy to be together forever. We do love that Trini overcomes her fear of heights to rescue Billy, because she loves him. We do think that Billy needs to not drop his communicator in the middle of a battle though. That is ridiculous. (Also ridiculous - the spinning kick of people being held between other people's thighs. But it looked cool.)

Things that will never get old - the ridiculous poses the Rangers do after they morph. More of this please. We also meet the actual monster - Bones, a skeleton. Who apparently controls a time warp and a dark dimension, yet notably not the same dark dimension that Tommy will... well, we'll get to Tommy eventually. We liked this monster though. Skeletons that can pull themselves back together are automatically awesome. Especially one who has his own henchman and secondary monster? Or did they just use a different costume after the monster grew? We weren't really sure, and honestly, neither of us cared enough to rewatch it.

Speaking of what happens when the monster grows - why did they only summon Tyrannosaurus? I mean, it was cool to watch Jason beat the monster by himself, but we miss the other Zords. Plus, as this is technically a Trini-centric episode, we feel that Trini should have been the one to beat the monster.

We do like the town getting to know the Rangers, but we wonder how Ernie knew they were called the Power Rangers. Does the theme music play during the actual battles? Or do the rangers hold press conferences?

Lastly, we think Zack is cruel scaring Trini up that rope. With friends like them, who needs enemies?



List time!
Ranger facts: Teleportation is only supposed to be used in an emergency. Excuse us while we FALL OVER LAUGHING.

Covered in food: None! But Bulk gets covered in the ceiling.

Billy speak: I finally completed a narrow beam transmission module that will allow wave function over an extended interval.
Trini translation: He's created a communication device using microwaves.

Billy speak: They respond to tactile pressure followed by auditory stimulus
Trini translation: So what you're saying is that we just touch and talk like this

Billy speak: "The neutrino power grid must have cross-molecularized."
Trini translation: Sorry, we didn't get one! How would you translate that?

Rating 3 fish. It would be 4, but we're giving it a pass since it's an early episode.