And after a string of disappointing episodes, we got an amazing one today. In fact, this episode necessitated a change in the livejournal setting to adult concepts, because um, this monster was vaguely NC-17 and the recap is going to reflect that. queenriley and I were cackling through the entire thing. Seriously. AMAZING.
Godzilla and Voltron vs the Peen Monster
First, we have a Zack episode today! We love Zack. We also love Angela.
Zack, meanwhile, is trying to figure out how to impress Angela for her birthday. Because his previous "dates" with her have gone so well. So Zack tries to come up with ways, and his first thought is to buy her pearl earrings. What? Oh, ZACK. Honey. That just... is not going to end well. He's also planning on getting her a singing telegram and going on a double date with Tommy and Kimberly to a french restaurant. Zack, she hasn't even agreed to go out with you yet, this is not going to end well. *pets him* Maybe he should ask Jason instead? Jason would say yes.
Zack manages to ask out Angela, and when she hears "French cafe" she agrees to go along. Zack trying to work up the courage to ask her out is really adorable. We just want to hug him.
Rita has nothing better to do than spy on them, and when she hears that Zack wants to buy pearls for Angela, she creates an oyster monster, who possible beat out both the Terror Toad and the Pudgy Pig as our favorite monster. Seriously, this thing is amazing. It... well, it has a vulva for a head and a giant phallic thing that shoots pink goo out of it. We started laughing at this point and just did not stop. Especially when this episode features such dialogue as "I can take it!" or "Feeling a bit tied up? Let me help you unwind" followed by the monster shooting off a load of pink goo. There are not enough words to describe how amazing this is.
Anyway, Zack tries to find pearls for Angela, but everything is out of his price range. As he runs through the park a shady looking guy stops him, and offers to sell him some jewelery out of his trench coat. Zack is all "it isn't stolen, is it?" and the guy is all "No! It will help whoever you give it to fall in love" and oh, Zack, you are such an idiot. But Zack buys them (and doesn't even try to negotiate on the price, he's just all "is this enough?" and gives money to the guy) and we find out that the guy was actually a putty, who skips away. Also, the pearls that he bought are actually magical pearls of stillness. I want some.
At the restaurant, the menu turns out to be all in French. Zack orders for everyone. Oh, Zack, don't you remember what happened last time there was French cooking on this show? And you know, the name of the restaurant translates to "Snail's Head" which is amazing. Zack ends up ordering frog's legs. Oh, Zack. Then Bulk and Skull show up. Apparently they nailed their audition and now they do singing telegrams. Tommy makes fun of them, but at least they have jobs! They're adorable, honestly.
Zack gives Angela the pearl earrings, and now that he's given her expensive stuff, she loves him. Just as they are about to kiss, Bulk and Skull get knocked over, and food falls all over Zack and Tommy, who go to clean up. Meanwhile, in the park, Trini, Billy and Jason get attacked by putties, and they find out about the Oysterizer and the pearls, and realize that Zack is being used. Instead of using their communicators, they run to the restaurant. While Zack and Tommy are cleaning up, Angela puts on the clip on pearl earrings (oh, Zack, so cheap.) which causes everyone to freeze.
Tommy and Zack (unaffected, because they were in the bathroom, making me wonder what the point of Rita's plan is) go to the Command Center only to discover that the monster is more powerful underwater, so really, they should just use the Dragonzord to fight it, since we KNOW that Zord works underwater.
And then they go fight the Oysterizer, and... our conversation deteriorated really fast.
queenriley: Does that look like a penis?
TSB: yes, that does look like a penis
queenriley: hehehehe
OMG IT EVEN SHOOTS OUT GOO
OMG OMG OMG OMG
TSB: AMAZING
queenriley: alsdjfasldfjalhgoiaewgh
I LOVE THIS MONSTER
TSB: ME TOO
queenriley: AND MORE GOO
OMG I'M FALLING OUT OVER HERE THIS IS WONDERFUL
TSB: IT HAS A VULVA ON ITS HEAD
At some point during the fight while we were busy mocking the monster, Zack ended up wearing Tommy's Shield of Cheap Bling. Which was awesome, and it looks better on him than it does on Tommy. Zack did something and then the monster fell in the water and this broke the spell. We don't know how.
Back at the restaurant, everyone unfreezes, and the earrings disintegrates. Angela yells at Zack and leaves. Apparently Zack left Tommy behind at the beach. We don't know why he does that either. Zack pays for their meal (amazing!) and then the Rangers all morph. They summon the Megazord underwater, and then there are amazingly bad special effects and epic 80s hair band music. We're in love. Then the megazord destroys the monster's pearl.
TSB: I AM INTERPRETING THE DESTROYED THE PEARL IN THE WORST WAY EVER YOU HAVE NO IDEA
queenriley: OH I THINK I DO, I THINK I DO
TSB: THIS IS GOING TO BE AN R RATED RECAP
queenriley: IT SO IS
TSB: WE WILL HAVE TO CUT IT
HA. CUT IT
queenriley: AL:SKJALSDJFSLDFJSDLG
YES
Anyway, then they summon Dragonzord, because that can fight, and my roommate asks why Godzilla and Voltron are fighting a peen monster, and I fell off the couch laughing. The megazord cleans all the goo off of the Dragonzord, and then they destroy the Oysterizer. With teamwork!
Back at the Youth Center, Zack talks about learning a lesson about not spending money or something, because he's broke, but we're not sure what lesson he actually learned. Because really, Angela was only interested when he bought her stuff. But then he sings to Angela with help from Bulk and Skull, and then Angela kisses him. Awwww.
Basically, this was the best episode ever.
Fish: ONE. BECAUSE AMAZING.
Covered in food: Bulk, Skull, Tommy and Zack. Plus everyone gets covered in goo. Shot from the phallic thing.
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