Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie - Part 2

PREVIOUSLY: Rocky is lifted up by fish and thrown over a railing so that he hurts his back and in a drug induced haze, passes his powers over to a 12 year old. There's also a mutant Ewok who has been captured by the CAMPIEST SPACE PIRATE EVER and Adam has HORRIBLE HAIR and EVERYTHING IS BAD AND WRONG.

So, Divatox has shot missiles at the ship which have sent these ugly pod things to them. They don't matter quite yet, because instead it's time for Justin to have backstory and angst. (And um, holy crap Justin grew up to be wicked hot.)

Kat goes to check on Justin, and we find out that his dad basically had a nervous breakdown after his mom died and dumped Justin in the shelter. Justin just wants his dad to be proud of him, and wonders what his dad and all the kids in the shelter would think if they knew he was a Ranger. Kat does not look impressed and Justin agrees that he knows the rules - it's for them to find out. EXCEPT NOT, JUSTIN. Also, I am SO SHOCKED that Justin's dad ran a dojo. REALLY. Seriously, Angel Grove runs on martial arts, but this is RIDICULOUS.

Kat tells Justin that he'll need to come downstairs and get some sleep soon, since it'll be a big day tomorrow, and he agrees, so she goes back downstairs to join the cuddle pile in progress until Justin interrupts. Of course, he soon discovers there's a really ugly foot soldier thing and freaks out a little, totally losing his voice. However, he does manage to kick it, and Adam hears and gets the others, and we get an unmorphed fight scene. Oh, unmorphed fights, I have missed you SO MUCH.

There's a downside to the unmorphed fight, I mean, besides Adam's hair. Tommy manages to scare the last one away. .... Really? REALLY? (And Adam gets his hand covered in slime. Whatever.) But Tanya's reaction is absolutely priceless. She seriously gets the best moments in the movie. Her delivery of "This sure ain't the Love Boat" is perfect. (And if it was, she would be off making out with Adam by the pool. So.)

Kim and Jason (who are the best part of the movie, except for Tanya) are all captured, and possibly the loss of the Gold Ranger powers are screwing with Jason's head because his plan to OPEN THE SUBMARINE WHILE THEY ARE UNDERWATER is the STUPIDEST PLAN IN ALL OF POWER RANGERS. Kim is clearly not impressed and she keeps pointing out the flaws in the plan, but Jason isn't listening to her at all so she helps him.

The Rangers retrieve their keys and go downstairs in the ship to combine their key power and pass through the giant wall of water, but Justin promptly drops his key. This is... somehow supposed to make him look like a good replacement for Rocky? Really? Anyway, he retrieves the key at the last minute, and the Rangers pass through the barrier.

In Divatox's sub, Kim and the amnesia boys manage to escape and surface, but Jason doesn't manage to get out of the sub. Divatox has a glorious freak out about them sinking. I really do love her. PLUS, then she calls Rita to ask her advice about how to handle the Rangers, and Rita's advice is very simple - RUN. (Now, why did Rita run, when last we saw she and Zedd had blown up the Machine Empire?)

The next thing is... I said on twitter that I can forgive awful, but I really can't forgive this. It's time for another descent into stereotype!land, except this time we're hitting every single awful island native stereotype. Like, really? Basically, there was a full scale rage blackout. Kim ends up getting captured (after the camera spends a really long time pointed at her ass) and then she gets tied up. I approve of the bondage, okay?

Adam heads out in his minivan (and I stand by my fanon that a) he ends up with a really nice car at some point and b) he and Tanya totally had sex in the back of that zord) and goes to inspect the island and see if he can find Lerigot. Divatox manages to notice that there are four humans floating in the water, so she shoots a missile at the ship and for about 30 seconds Adam thinks that everyone is dead, and if I wasn't busy being distracted by how awful his hair was, it would be a great moment. But everyone got out safe

Divatox recognizes that racist stereotypes as Maligore's priests, and Jason is handcuffed and Kim is tied up, and that is really the only important thing. Oh, and she forces Lerigot to open the temple.

The rangers morph, except Justin does it the wrong way. You are not filling me with hope for the next season, show! *sob* On the other hand, the look of disgust on Tommy's face is priceless. And I've got to say, Justin adjusts rather well for suddenly being a foot taller once he morphs. Oh, and apparently the Rangers can all run really fast. Because their powers are based on cars. Right. Justin manages to hear the chanting of Maligore, and leads the Rangers into the temple where Kim and Jason are suspended over a volcano. Kim and Jason are SO GLAD to see them, and there's an incredibly boring fight scene but then Kim and Jason are knocked into the volcano and they come out evil. (Divatox says something about them being perfect specimens and also pure. She's right about the first, but I'm not sure about the latter.)

... If this WHOLE MOVIE was about Kim and Jason being evil it would be a billion times better. Seriously, we're continuing the grand tradition of Rangers being better when evil. Tommy tries to pull a Kat and convince Kim that she's not evil, but instead he gets punched. Kim isn't listening to Kat either, with a "Sweetie? Pink is out" and holy crap do I ship them. Meanwhile, Jason is chocking Tommy up against the edge of the volcano, and I'm getting flashbacks to the Kirk/Spock fight in Star Trek 2009, but sadly I have no clips to share.

Adam has freed Lerigot, and he breaks the spell on Kim, and Jason is pulled off of Tommy, and blah blah blah, this fight was only interesting while Kim was beating everyone up. On the bright side, Elgar gets knocked into the volcano. This releases Maligore, who is an ugly lava monster, which Divatox did not seem to be aware of.

This is how boring the fight is: Adam gets knocked down and I don't even care. Because this fight is BORING. With the spell on Jason and Kim broken courtesy of Lerigot, the Rangers summon their weapons and then the volcano explodes and they summon Zords and look, I can forgive bad but I can't forgive boring. Zord fight, sword destroys monster, etc. On the bright side, Kim and Jason (and Bulk and Skull) get a ride in the Zord. That's pretty great.

Divatox swears revenge, setting up the season.

Back in Angel Grove, Tommy, Adam and Jason are competing in the martial arts championship for $25,000 which will supposedly keep the shelter open indefinitely. Oh, and Rocky is out of the hospital.

.... Right. They win, and Tommy hugs Kat, and honestly, I am more interested in the conversation that Kim, Kat and Tommy sit down and have later. Someone should write that fic immediately. I want it to exist, and the only combination I ship out of those three is Kim/Kat!

Fish: FIVE. ALL OF THE FISH.