So we open on Angel Grove Park with our group of six rangers. They're hanging out and jamming to some music on a huge radio. I feel old. Even more telling, Tommy is wearing green. How very random and not at all a cover for using old footage due to no longer having Thuy Trang, Walter Jones, and Austin St. John on the payroll. *cough* Ahem.
Anyway, so then we see some wholesome looking teenagers rollerblading down the sidewalk. They stop and say hello to Mr. Anderson. No, not THAT Mr. Anderson, but rather a middle aged teacher from Stone Canyon High. Mr. Anderson is pushing his son in a stroller and discuses the upcoming ninja tournament. Later, on a park bench, Mr. Anderson is sitting with Jacob, his son. His toddler son. His roughly 18 months to 2 years old son. And he's just... sitting. On the bench. Quietly. Who is this toddler and what drugs did they give him to sit still for that long? Drama Queen and Emo Kid both could never sit still for that long at that age... heck, at 8 and 4 they still can't. So
And I think we all know what happens next. The stroller, with Unnaturally Calm and Quiet Toddler gets bumped and takes off rolling down the sidewalk! Unattended! Oh noes! Whoever will save the freakishly quiet toddler?!?! Who will stop him as he careens down... grassy hills? Seriously? Has anybody on set ever bothered to push a stroller, particularly over grass? They don't move well, quickly, or easily. It takes a lot of effort. But despite, the stroller runs away and we are wondering who will ever save this poor not-of-this-world baby? Why, Rocky, Adam, and Aisha will give it a go! They hear Mr. Anderson scream for Jacob and take off blading towards the runaway stroller. Luckily, Kim, Billy, and Tommy also hear the screams for help and they take off running too. As the stroller goes shooting past Bulk and Skull, with the Stone Canyon Trio knocking into Skull who hits a hot dog vendor who squirts something all over Bulk, Bulk and Skull realize a baby is in distress and THEY join the chase as well. There is lots of physically impossible stunts from both the actors and the stroller (seriously, they don't come with a steering wheel... they can't just veer around trees like that). Aisha and Kim both get launched into the air and grab hold of the stroller just as it gets ready to careen off a cliff. They pick up Jacob and hand him over to Mr. Anderson, who has finally caught up. Bulk and Skull, satisfied the child is safe, collapse onto a picnic table, out of breath from the chase.
Mr. Anderson takes Unnaturally Calm and Quiet Toddler away and our Ranger Trio get to know the Stone Canyon Trio. Adam and Aisha alternately hold hands, when Adam isn't staring at Kim's breasts. But frankly, we can't blame him. Who wouldn't want to stare at her breasts? The Ranger Trio ask if the Stone Canyon Trio are there to watch the Ninja Competition and they are not even remotely subtle when they answer "Something like that". They then make fun of Bulk and Skull some and that makes me sad because y'know, they were just trying to help and did literally nothing to provoke it. It's not nice to make fun of people who are genuinely trying to HELP.
We jump ahead to the actual ninja competition and we see the back of people who are obviously not Thuy Trang, Walter Jones, and Austin St. John. It's like they didn't even TRY. The ninja competition is more a case of martial arts in a ninja suit than ninja-like. I would have expected a test on stealth or ability to silently scale walls or something, but instead it's just a lot of jumping around and kicking with their faces covered. The team in black plays really dirty and the team in white is wholesome and rule abiding and they win. Of course, our wholesome ninjas just happen to be our wholesome rollerblading Stone Canyon Trio! Mr. Anderson stands up and hands Unnaturally Calm and Quiet Toddler over to Bulk so he can cheer for his students. Mind, why he can't cheer while holding his kid I don't know, but whatever. The Stone Canyon Trio are very excited and hold their trophy high while Rocky gropes Adam in the middle of the ring. He's totally thinking "I'm going to pounce on you in the locker room." and Adam seems quite pleased with this plan.
Outside, our Ranger Trio are congratulating the Stone Canyon Trio and they all agree to hang out together sometime VERY VERY SOON. The Ranger Trio heads out while Mr. Anderson puts Jacob in the car and the Stone Canyon Trio get ready to leave with him. But wait! Zedd wants to capture these awesome ninja teens and use them for his own nefarious purposes, so he sends down Goldar to wrap them all up in the Glowing Rope of Doom (and bondage)! The Ranger Trio turns to help but then get attacked by a pyramid of putties. So they fight the putties while Goldar grabs Mr. Anderson and then disappears. Bulk and Skull, having seen this, immediately go to make sure "the baby" is okay. He is fine, but sitting in the most atrocious carseat ever. I know 90's safety was lax compared to what we have today, but Holy Internal Decapitation Risk Batman! Jacob is sitting in a shield booster, which is deadly, and no harness. For a kid who is supposed to be under 2, that's... frightening. Emo Kid was 4 before he turned forward facing and he's still in a harness. Drama Queen was over 6 before getting out of a harness and into a booster, and she's still in a high back booster at nearly 9. And in the early 90's, it was appropriate to put toddlers in what amounts to a death trap (though for the record, I was in a harness until I was 4... in the very early 1980's... so it's not like the safe seats weren't available, it's just that most people didn't know better). I feel really really old now.
Uh, anyway, my rant aside, we move on to Bulk and Skull walking off with Jacob to keep him safe. It's freaking ADORABLE. The Ranger Trio see that everybody has been taken and immediately contact Zordon. They appear in a very bad combination of new footage where they look off screen at the non-existent Jason, Zack, and Trini and old footage where everybody is on screen. Except there is a huge discrepancy in quality between the old footage and the new footage so... yeah. Anyway. The Stone Canyon Trio and Mr. Anderson are all chained up in a cave. Rocky doesn't know who Lord Zedd is and Adam says they'll (atrocious dialogue alert!) never use their powers for evil. Rocky is wearing a vest with no shirt underneath. I feel his removing this vest would vastly help the escape plan they are formulating. Not that I'm biased or anything...
In the park, Bulk and Skull are trying to entertain Unnaturally Calm and Quiet Toddler. He is... unnaturally calm. And quiet. Skull tells him to go fetch a squishy cube, but he is... unnaturally calm and quiet. Bulk pulls out a grocers worth of food from a bag, but he is... unnaturally calm and quiet. Skull pulls out a bottle and squirts milk all over Bulk on accident and Jacob is... unnaturally calm and quiet. Bulk and Skull sing I'm a little teapot and it's ADORABLE! But Jacob is still unnaturally calm and quiet. Seriously, this little kid is freaking me out. It's just... toddlers don't sit still! Toddlers don't have a volume control! This kid is FREAKY.
Back in the cave, the Stone Canyon Trio have come up with a plan. Before they can do anything, Aisha must pull a Very Convenient bobby pin from her hair and pick the lock. She PICKS THE LOCK people. Because she is AWESOME. And somehow knows how. And as she's doing so, we get a big To Be Continued...
List time!
Good lord that was a lot of "plot" for one episode.
2 fish. It was consistent! It had plot! It was Very Very Pretty!
Billy speak: none
Covered in food: Bulk in something from a hot dog stand and milk
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