Episode 357 - The Queen's Return

WE'RE BACK! I know it's been, like, half a year. But we're back. For reals this time!

Okay, so part of the problem is that this season is so. Freaking. BORING. I just can't bring myself to care about... any of it. I actually had to go look up the episodes we'd already recapped because I'd forgotten pretty much everything except Ryan being shirtless.

We start off with villains! Who's names I can't remember! And don't even care enough about to go look up! So we'll just call them Symbol Guy, Horned Guy, Whingy Demon Bratling (who I almost called Fabulously Shiny Red Guy, because he is super fabulous), and Weasly Less Awesome The Count. Plus Lady Who Can't Act. They are planning plans. Or something.

So then we get to our intrepid heroes. Carter is driving. Joel is being a jackass in the back of the jeep and singing horribly to some old cd player (that probably wasn't that old when this aired). He is not wearing a seat belt. Carter slams on the brakes and Joel REALLY should have gone flying out of that Jeep and being horribly maimed by the road. If, y'know, physics existed in this universe. Chad and Kelsey are rollerblading and they stop at the same time as Carter. Because there is an Ominous Black Cloud in the sky.

Ryan knows about it and finally deems it the right time to tell them it's an evil ceremony. Something he could have mentioned, oh, I don't know, any other time prior to this point! So off go the Rangers to Stop Things. First they have to save people from a burning building, though, and once again I wonder what happened to the firefighters in Mariner Bay.

This leaves Ryan to go off and stop the summoning. He gets caught by Lady Who Can't Act, though, and thrown down to take part in the summoning. As a sacrifice, I suppose. Which is a bit dark for a kids show! Or maybe just to be tied up and look attractive. Symbol Guy pulls some Space Doesn't Work Like That and Lady Who Can't Act sounds less than excited that now her Queen can have a corporeal body again.

Luckily the Rangers finish with the building-on-fire and show up just in time to interrupt the ceremony! They free Ryan and fight the bad guys and I guess Ryan can morph now? Because he finally did and knocks out some underlings. I forgot how cute they are in this series! Why don't we get to see the little bat guys more often?

Oh well. Carter takes out Symbol Guy, or so they think. Instead he just get bigger. It looks like he has little Christmas lights dangling from his hat and it's also the first time I found him even remotely interesting. But he's big so that means all the zords must come out to play.

There is fire and brimstone and things shooting from the damaged building into space. Physics, show. This is not how it works. The ceremony is sort of complete and the Queen sort of shows up, but she's mostly just a big head floating in the sky, and everybody is really happy. She is clearly What's His Face's (Lokar) girlfriend. I wonder if he knows he has a whiny demon bratling? In celebration of her triumphant return, she plans to destroy the city herself. She sends a tsunami, but Ryan thrusts a sword into things and jams up the Evil Flow. She vanishes. The planets come out of alignment (SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT MKAY). Ryan appears to be No Longer With Us.

The rangers and all the zords beat the Symbol Guy. Whingy Demon Bratling is sad he won't see his mother again, except then she's totally there. Or something.

Ryan crawls out of the rubble apparently unharmed. LIKE MAGIC. Back at the base, Ryan decides to leave to figure out how to capture the bad guys again. It has Super Dramatic Music. Really it just reeks of "Making new footage is out of our budget now". TSB says, at least they didn't send him to a Peace Conference. AGREED. Although maybe he really went on some secret project for Torchwood...

The only thing that could make that ending more bearable would be if Ryan had been shirtless. Or Carter had been shirtless. Or Ryan and Carter had been making out. OR THEY HAD BEEN MAKING OUT SHIRTLESS! That's how the episode ended in my head.

Why so boring, season? WHY?

Episode 356 - A Face From the Past

Previously. Ryan is no longer shirtless every episode. Woe.

Kelsey is rollerblading through the Aquabase, because she is a) apparently not very good at it, and b) a failbot. I mean, I like her. But that is super irresponsible.

Captain Awesome then tells them that he has an important assignment - they need a day off! Which, hey! Is good. Because all work and no play makes them a very dull team. Or something.

Everyone decides to go to the beach, and Joel is busy being an asshat in a wifebeater, Chad and Kelsey go surfing, and Dana decides to bury her brother. Dana, unbury him so we can ogle. Carter, on the other hand, is going to go train. Captain Awesome is all "I told you to take a day off" but Carter is all "from training? Never." So Captain Awesome offers to be his sparring partner.

Captain Awesome is all "don't go easy on me just because I'm an old man" and he ends up flipping Carter. Then they go jogging. Carter offers to slow down for him, but Captain Awesome is all "you're too slow."

The villains then decide to knock out the power to Mariner Bay, which should also shut down the Aquabase. Because they don't have backup generators or something.

Captain Mitchell is all "when I was your age" to Carter, and he tries to convince Carter to take a day off. SERIOUSLY BEST DADDY, EVEN TO KIDS WHO AREN'T HIS.

Carter tells Captain Awesome about the fireman who saved his life as a kid. Carter wants to be as good as him, even though he doesn't know who the mysterious firefighter is. He has such issues. But it is an adorable bonding moment that is sadly interrupted by monsters.

Carter and Captain Awesome show up at the burning power plant, (which was being visited by a field trip of tiny children) and Carter morphs, and Captain Awesome dons firefighter gear and they both go in to help. Because apparently there are just spare uniforms lying around. and the firefighters aren't going to notice or care.

Captain Awesome and Carter make a good team. The rest of the Rangers all show up to help, and Ms. Fairweather calls in to say another power plant is under attack. Captain awesome sends all the Rangers to help that one, saying that he'll handle things here. The tiny children just huddle in the burning building, when Captain Awesome, who is apparently the only firefighter, shows up. Unfortunately, one of the tiny children forgot her bear, so she goes back for the bear.

Meanwhile, the Rangers fight the monster and beat it. (Seriously, super dull.) Then they go back to the fire, and discover Captain Awesome has gone back for the girl and her bear. Carter runs in after them, and Carter realizes that Captain Awesome is the one who saved him years ago. And as he has his realization he just STANDS THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRE, before Captain Awesome yells at him to run, and Carter gets the girl out.

A fireball comes out of the building, and Dana flips out, assuming her dad is dead, but he has managed to escape unharmed. Then there are hugs. Unfortunately we have to cut away from the heartwarming moment because zords and monsters growing. Luckily, the fight is over quickly, and the villains go talk more about the planets aligning or whatever. Vypra's acting is pretty bad, as usual.

Back on the Aquabase, Carter walks in on Ms. Fairweather patching up Captain Mitchell, and he sees a burn pattern on the Captain's back. The Captain confirms that he was the one who saved Carter all those years ago. And then he's been stalking him ever since. It's both creepy and sweet.

Carter is all "I'm going to train even harder to make you proud!" The Captain again tells him to go take a day off.

And now I ship them. I AM GOING TO HELL.

Anyway, back at the beach, Carter shows up with his shirt unbuttoned. Everyone is like "Carter can have fun? What?" So he decides to spray them with a super soaker while Captain Awesome looks on approvingly.

Fish: 3. It was super cliche, but in a good way.

Today on Power Rangers, the Cocoon of Evil kicks some ass.

So the Cocoon of Evil has made it's way to the city. It has lasers! And is impervious to the Rangers blasters! There is a whole plethora of bad guys just lined up waiting and they are not disappointed. The blasters cause a big explosion and the Cocoon of Evil bursts open, tearing a large crater in the concrete. An evil laugh emerges from the rubble.

Olympius rises from the smoke and ash All Grown Up. He's cocky. And apparently rightfully so because he first throws Carter under his boot and then manages to take down the other four rangers in one blow. He kidnaps them and then suffers some kind of migraine. He is forced to retreat.

The bad guys are very boring. Olympius monologues about his plan and restoring his powers and blah blah blah. It's boring. Apparently monsters lose their power in water, so they can't infiltrate the Aqua Base. Except Olympius can totally change his shape to look like the rangers he has trapped in his little star thingy.

Ryan knows an awful lot about Olympius and the Star Power and he explains everything. Meanwhile Olympius approaches as Chad. Chad looks really good evil. He should be evil more often. He throws some dirt on himself and stumbles out to Carter. Carter buys it hook, line, and sinker and takes him straight home. He's not the brightest crayon in the box.

"Kelsey" comes running up and says everybody is back safe and sound and they can call off the search party Captain Awesome ordered. Carter is suspicious but goes with it anyway. "Kelsey" tries to break into the computer. Unsuccessfully. She breaks into Captain Awesome's office instead and, upon being nearly caught, switches to "Dana" instead. "Joel" even manages to fool Ms. Fairweather and gets the doors open. Seriously lady! He didn't hit on you! THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DEAD GIVEAWAY!

This is not actually a bad plan on the part of the bad guys! It seems to be working, mostly because it seems the Aqua Base is full of idiots.

Of course, then Ms. Fairweather figures out there's a problem and tries to stop Joel. It's only when he attacks her that anybody figures out he's not Joel. Olympius changes back into himself and grabs Ms. Fairweather to use as a shield. Yes, let's put the woman in  danger. Great job show.

Ryan attacks from behind. Carter throws Olympius into the water and manages to avoid getting electrocuted despite the massive surge of electricity going all over the place, and then they both end up on the beach. The other rangers are released from the star and the bad guys have to retreat so Olympius can recover from the water issue. One guy stays behind.

There is a fight. It is boring. The rangers win. I can't even remember this bad guy's name.

Olympius beats himself up over losing the rangers. The other villains mock him for being so young.

The other rangers get on Carter about Olympius getting in. They are really mean about the fact that he couldn't tell the difference between Olympius and his friends. They back him up until he falls in the water again. Poor Carter. That wasn't very nice.

5 fish. Oh god show. This was awful. Just... seriously. I cannot wait for this season to be over. It's so god awful boring.

Episode 354 - The Cobra Strikes

Today on Power Rangers, we have even MORE Ryan angst. I approve of this, as it seems to be about the only interesting thing about this season thus far.

Ryan is still shirtless (more, please) in the medical ward. Ms. Fairweather is examining the cobra tattoo. I'm pretty sure she's not a medical doctor... but whatever.

Back in the city, there is a sudden darkness overtaking things. The rangers rush off and Ryan gets to pout because he gets told he can't go. Diabolico has brought down his freaky three-monster combo monster, Trika. It's boring. I didn't like these monsters when they were individuals. This weird three sided thing is just... blah.

Ryan can't seem to rest. He's anxious, so he watches the fight. The rangers aren't doing so hot, but he can't go morph. I think this fight would be way more interesting if it was all shot from Ryan's angsty point of view. The rangers were beat all to hell, unfortunately. Ryan feels useless because he couldn't help them, so he decides to figure out how to go stop the cobra himself.

Kelsey is upset because that monster is as strong as all three combined. Seeing as that monster IS all three combined, I'm not sure why this is so surprising. They decide to rush finishing the new project, the Battle Boosters, because it's going to be the only way to stop him. In other words, new toys. Trika goes back to Earth and starts attacking civilians because he wants the rangers to come play. They show up, the battle boosters are done right after they get thrown around a bit, and all of sudden everybody has a number keypad on their wrist. Apparently that's the battle booster? It's... whatever. It's another boring battle. Not even ten minutes in and we're two battles under our belt? This is not going to be the best episode.

Except then we get more Ryan angst! I love Ryan angst! He finds some ancient ruins and then he finds a cobra on a wall. He touches it and this apparently calls forth a cobra monster. He's going to fight it on his own.

Meanwhile, the rangers have destroyed Trika. Diabolico isn't happy about that, so he goes down to fight them himself. I still don't care about this fight. I think this is supposed to be some badass thing? But it's not. At least we get shots of Ryan's fight cut into the Diabolico/Zord fight. The Supertrain Megazord takes a big hit, gets a hole blasted through it, and this is the first time I DO NOT CARE ONE BIT that a megazord has been completely destroyed.

At the interesting fight, Ryan morphed to try to beat the cobra, but he couldn't maintain it. His cobra tattoo was too close to killing him. He demorphs, TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF (yay!!!), and then blasts a pillar of stone down on top of the cobra monster, destroying it. His tattoo fades (which how does he see it? It's on his back...) and he's free of the curse. And still shirtless. If he could just remain shirtless forever, that would be great.

He morphs, gets in his zord, and goes to join the other rangers while reassuring everybody that he broke the curse and the cobra is gone and yada yada yada. His zord and the rescue zords make some new megazord which completely negates any sadness we were supposed to feel over the destruction of the Supertrain megazord. Not that I felt anything anyway? But I think I was supposed to be upset by it. I just don't care. About any of this. This fight is the most boring ever. And I find most of the fights boring, so that says a lot.

Vypra continues to not be able to act and falls to the ground in despair that Diabolico is gone. The red glowy thing from Diabolico goes into the baby thing that really should be better supervised than it is. He ends up encased in a cocoon.

Everybody is celebrating back at the base. They think they're free, except then the alarms go off and they have to go fight something, because they don't have drills apparently. The rangers rush into the city and Queen Bansheera shows up in that glowy smoke thing she does. Ryan tells them about her and how badass she is. She won't be there to fight, but she says her son will be ready soon and he'll destroy them.

I really don't care. The only sad this episode gives me is the I-think-these-are-the-last-shirtless-Ryan-scenes sad.

Too boring for fish. No, really. It was. The only interesting parts of this episode were the Ryan-angst-shirtless parts and they were too few and far between. Even they weren't really INTERESTING... just... y'know... shirtless.

Episode 353 - Strength of the Sun

Long time no recap. Sorry?

So Queen bansheera is all "you have failed me for the last time" to Diabolico and "I will take away your star power." Diabolico is all "worst kid, I should kill him." Then all the other monsters show up before he can. Diabolico is all "just destroy them."

Villains, I wish you were more interesting. Can we get to Ryan being emo and taking off his shirt or something?

Back at the Aquabase, Ms. Fairweather is designing something new. But there is a problem, by the name with Ryan. The new toy is useless without him. Ryan overhears, and he has a sad. Sadly, the sad doesn't include him removing his shirt.

In the cafeteria, Joel and Chad don't get why Ryan isn't allowed to morph, because the monsters are still out there. UM, MAYBE BECAUSE HE WILL DIE? A monster alert goes off, and Ryan gives everyone the saddest look, because he is a puppy, and then they leave without him. Ryan, break the curse first, THEN morph.

Anyway, the Rangers fight the monsters and the monsters are winning. I guess some of the effects are cool? I am just not emotionally invested in the fight. Dana then suggests splitting them up, so she and Kelsey lead off one of the monster/demon things. Dana then announces there's a part 2 to the plan. The monster calls them "my little pretties" and then Kelsey and Dana shoot him. (We really need more of the girls bonding!)

Back at the base, Ryan is having a sad as he watches the other guys lose. Luckily, the girls have come to the rescue. The Rangers summon weapons, but no use, and they all collapse. The monster gives an incredibly lame pun, and the monster that the girls knocked out gets up again.

Supposedly though, this is part of Carter's plan, although I have no idea when they PLANNED this plan. The monster gets close to them, and they shoot him at point blank range. (Not a bad plan!)

Diabolico makes the destroyed monster grow, and Carter summons the toys. We get the LONG zord summoning sequence. I guess the episode ran a little short? Look, if you needed to kill time, there's plenty more shots of Ryan having a sad that you could have used.

Diabolico makes the second monster grow as well. Ms. Fairweather is all "we're fucked" and Captain Mitchell starts yelling about putting all the reserves. Ryan stares at his morpher, thinks about the cobra, and then leaves to activate the new zord, and he morphs. He's going to risk himself. ♥

I'm not really sure where he got the tech skills to activate the zord. Captain Mitchell tries to order his son back, but Ryan is all "they need my help." Nobody can really argue with that. Ryan to the rescue!

Ryan has to energize the solar panels so he has to change course and head to the sun, and the tattoo on his back starts to climb again. He goes into space, fully energizes, and the his zord jumps on the Rangers back. Ms. Fairweather gives a quick explanation, while everyone is busy being super concerned for Ryan instead.

Ryan does a lot of impressive stunts and destroys a monster, but the second one hits him, and he has to fight through the pain of the cobra climbing him to take out the other one.

Everyone congratulates Ryan, but he's passed out in his cockpit from the pain. We then cut to him shirtless in the infirmary. All he has to say is that the zord is totally awesome. Then he asks Dana if their dad will be mad. As soon as Dana sees their dad coming, she's all "BYE."

Captain Awesome tells Ryan that he's proud of him, and he would have done the same thing. Ryan then rolls over, and we see how high the tattoo has climbed. It's not good. The next time he morphs will probably be the one that kills him.

Meanwhile, Diabolico is all "what, you're not sick of these monsters yet? I'm totally going to bring them back again."

Fish: 2. How do you make an episode about Ryan angst this dull?

Episode 352 - Curse of the Cobra

Let's get down to business! To recap the show!

Previously, Ryan has angst! \o/ So, true story. When I was a teenager, I used to babysit every Saturday night. And being the worst babysitter ever, I would basically plop the kids in front of the TV, and watch something from their (fairly awesome) video collection.

Anyway, they had these two episodes, and we watched them a lot. (They were the only episodes of LR I'd seen, actually, since the Lost Galaxy airing schedule had gotten me out of PR for a while.)

Anyway! Let's talk about the possessed by an evil snake tattoo that's going to slither up his body and necessitate a lot of shirtless scenes. Show, how are you so great? (Why couldn't the whole season be about that?) (And I don't even HAVE a tattoo kink, but the hurt/comfort and the angst and the issues and this was tailor made for me, seriously.)

(My flail at the end of the last episode when he got the evil snake tattoo? Yeah, I love these episodes. A LOT.)

Anyway! We start with the villains gossiping and recapping previous events. Then Diabolico gives the monsters a new toy.

Back on the Aquabase, Captain Awesome is explaining to Ryan how great Ms. Fairweather is. And then he's all "there is actual training!" I appreciate that the team actually has to work on this whole being a Ranger thing. Captain Awesome tells Ryan how proud he is of him, and Ryan is all "yay!" but then as soon as his dad leaves he strips off his shirt and stares at the tattoo. Oh, Ryan. You need all the hugs. Don't worry, Carter will volunteer soon!

We get a flashback to Diabolico disintegrating Ryan's shirt and pushing him up against a pillar and giving him the cursed tattoo (yesssss) and then Carter spies on shirtless Ryan because he loves him. Carter is speechless at the sight of Ryan's body tattoo, but then instead of going to train, a monster attacks.

The team grabs their jackets and head out and morph. There's a fight and some cool gymnastics and then Ryan is in pain as the tattoo begins to slither up his body, and he falls off a building, writhing on the ground in agony, and seriously, best episode. Carter rushes to his side, but Ryan insists he's fine, but Carter can actually see the tattoo moving, even through his suit. Then the monsters use the new toy to make a copy of the villain.

... For a second I wasn't sure if I was writing hurt/comfort fic or recapping the episode. I love when that happens.

Anyway, fight happens, and then Carter shoots from the hip, which is pretty cool, and then some toys are brought out. The Rangers get knocked down, but they get up again, and then Ryan falls to his knees.

Carter realizes that if they hurt demonite, they hurt his clone also, and then Carter announces that he has a plan. Ryan forcibly demorphs and clutches at his back, while the monster mocks him.

The other Rangers keep running around and play hide and seek among the containers with the monster, and we see that they're on the roof of them.  The monsters realize this, and shoot at them, but it was a trick so that Carter can threaten the monster. The monster is all "at this distance, you'll blow yourself up, too." Then we flash to Ryan's agonized face, and then Carter decides not to blow up the monster? This makes no sense at all. Their whole purpose is to blow up monsters. Anyway, the monster is all "well, if you won't destroy me, I'll destroy you" and then Carter shoots him and blows him up anyway. So.... what was the point of that?

Everyone assumes that Carter is dead, and then Joel is all "look, he's fine!" He does have Red Ranger immunity, anyway. There are some hugs, and Dana holds the collapsing Carter.

Diabolico makes the destroyed Demonite  monster grow, and the zords are summoned. Could we go back to Ryan, please? Anyway, then they call the other zords. They blow up the monster. I do love that the Super Train Megazord is SO MUCH TALLER than the monster. Then they blow it up.

Diabolico is very upset that Demonite has been destroyed, but the other two villains are all "it's cool, we'll handle it."

Meanwhile, shirtless!Ryan is staring at his back in the mirror again, and Carter has come to see him. Carter is all "Ryan, I stared at your naked back." Ryan tells Carter its a going away present from Diabolico, and when Carter pushes, Ryan tells him the truth as long as he promises not to tell anyone. He doesn't want to be grounded, because being a Ranger is important to him.

Of course, it turns out that his dad is listening outside. he tells Ryan that until something is figured out, Ryan isn't to morph. His dad points out that he lost him once, and he can't lose him again.

BEST EPISODE. I mean, except for the part that makes no sense. STILL. BEST EPISODE.

Fish: 2! Okay, it probably deserves more than that, but we were pretty distracted and didn't care that much.

Episode 351 - Ryan's Destiny

Today on Power Rangers, more Ryan angst! I wholeheartedly approve.

So there is an intruder on the base and there are alarms and flashy lights and loud voices screaming out INTRUDER ALERT. But it's just Ryan. Being all emo. Looking very sad and distraught. The worst security ever takes forever to get there, but it's okay, because it's just Ryan and he just wants to see his dad.

He came to say goodbye, apparently, because he is now in the middle of an existential crisis. Oh Ryan. Don't ever smile or look happy. I love you when you're all tortured.

Captain Awesome Mitchell tries to convince him to stay, tries to convince him that he's a good person (with an OCEAN OF GOODNESS, oh god writers, please). Ryan won't stay, so Captain Mitchell gives him a shiny little box instead and basically tells him to open it when he stops being Tortured Soul Emo. I really kind of hope that never happens.

Bad Guys are having a rough time because they can't beat the Power Rangers. The baby is next in line to get the job done and it's actually used as a threat. That's right, they're going to have THE BABY beat the rangers. Well, not really, but it's a serious threat that they take seriously and seriously consider other alternatives. Seriously. It's kind of ridiculous. I... admit to forgetting pretty much everything about these bad guys as soon as they are off my screen. They are boring and it's so hard to remember when there is Ryan Angst all over the place.

Speaking of, Tortured Soul Emo Ryan finds a feather (a feather bomb, actually, because it's from the Bad Guys and not an actual bird) and watches small people and actually smiles. Stop smiling, Ryan. He gets a ball for a little boy and convinces him his kid sister really isn't all that bad and they have to stick together. He gives them the feather he found and the little girl is happy and the little boy is happy and Ryan is happy and I don't think that's going to end well.

He gets good advice from a random lady at the bus stop, who tells him to follow his heart, and then winks at him. It's weird. But at least he's polite enough to let others go ahead of him when he's indecisive. Meanwhile the rangers are fighting the Bad Guy Threesome which sounds way more awesome than it actually is.

The Rangers realize the feathers are bombs and smartly get it out to the news, which Ryan overhears at the bus stop. He remembers giving the feather to the boy to give to his sister. The bus driver is waiting, but Ryan runs away. He has to get that feather back. Ryan finally catches up to the family, drops all his stuff, and manages to snatch the feather just as the sun is setting. He grabs the feather, flings it over the bridge, and shields the family as it explodes. Ryan the Tortured Soul Emo HERO!

He realizes he really is a good guy and opens the shiny box. Inside is the Titanium Morpher. Yay we get more Titanium Ass! He rushes to the main fight where his sister and friends are trying (and failing) to beat the Bad Guy Threesome. He morphs - TITANIUM AAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS - and it is super great. He totally wins at everything.

Captain Awesome is super proud. You just know he had a really hard time explaining why he handed over the morpher to an ex-baddie, which would be the Best Fic Ever, but he did it anyway. Because he knew it's what Ryan needed. And he is the best dad this show has ever had.  Dana is super happy to see her brother and hugs him and cries and it's great. They even give him a jacket when they get back to base. Because he is part of the team now. Even though he is still Tortured Soul Emo Titanium Ass and has nightmares. Lots and lots of nightmares. Nightmares where he is stripped shirtless (yes, please), thrown against a pillar (yes, please, again), and branded with a cobra tattoo, which will squeeze him until he dies. That's right, UNTIL HE DIES. Every time he morphs, he'll get closer and closer to death.

He wakes up to realize it wasn't a nightmare. He has a cobra on his back.


2 fish. It was a little boring, but all the Tortured Soul Emo Titanium Ass makes up for just about anything.

Fic we want: Captain Mitchell explaining to the Lightspeed Board why he gave Ryan, his ex-and-maybe-still-a-little-bit evil son, the Titanium Morpher. That isn't really working well on humans in the first place and is super powerful and strong enough to take down their only line of defense.