Episode 362 - As Time Runs Out

Hey! I made my minimum word count for nano already today! I am rewarding myself with recaps. So let's do this.

So the Queen is annoyed with her son for failing, and decides that Vypra and Loki should be in charge. It's not like they haven't failed a bunch too. Of course, Olympius has overheard this.

He decides to try and then talk to Vypra and Loki and call for a truce. Because they need to work together or something. Of course, its a trap and he seals them underground, because seriously, who would actually trust him. Morons. These villains aren't very smart. Cue theme song.

Olympius tells the Queen that the Rangers destroyed them, and she tells him to revenge them, because nobody destroys demons and gets away with it. I so don't care about these villains.

Some demon finds... something? I don't care what. But the Rangers go to investigate a disturbance in that area. Chad finds something, and its a hand buried in the ground. Because Kelsey is ridiculous, she tries to touch it. Carter warns her it could be a trap, and hey, some vines have wrapped around all their wrists. In an hour apparently the vines will open and will spray poisonous spores all over Mariner Bay. That's a better plan than exploding feathers, probably.

Vypra and Loki manage to free themselves. The two of them swear revenge on him, and walk off while debating all sorts of plans to get even.

Back at the base, Ms. Fairweather tries to destroy the flowers by shooting lasers at it, but with no luck. Kelsey suggests isolating them, but apparently the spores are too small and can't be contained. However, a lab on the east side has a poison that might destroy it. However, right when they're about to destroy it, the monster shatters the poisons. (And they didn't bring backups why? Idiots)

Carter then is all "Hey, what about solar zord?" So they get into the zord, and send themselves to outer space Well, they're willing to die to protect the planet. I'll give them credit. AND THEN THEY OPEN THE SHUTTLE DOOR AND SUCK OUT THE POLLEN BUT ARE SOMEHOW NOT DEAD.

Um. Um. Um. WHAT NO.

Space doesn't work like that. SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT.

Kelsey nearly gets sucked out but they manage to hold her and I'm just in an incoherent rage of space doesn't work like that and seriously they are idiots. The doors close before Kelsey gets sucked out and everyone is fine, and then the monster tries to destroy the city himself. I'm still stuck on the science fail.

Anyway, then the rangers morph and we get a fight scene, but I'm busy screaming about all the fish and finding it hard to care. Carter does give a very nice red rangers are determined speech, though. So they blow up the monster and then it grows, so they call the toys. Then they blow it up.

Vypra and Loki are exploring some old ruins, and they find a tomb. Apparently there's someone in the tomb that could help them. And then we see that RYAN is spying on them. RYAN. HI RYAN. Be pretty and take off your shirt, will you?

Loki and Vypra go down into the tomb. Vypra reads the ridiculous inscription, they throw a rope into the tomb, and Diabolico climbs out of the tomb. They plan to destroy Olympius and reclaim the star power.

Ryan has really nice arms. I've missed him. That is the most important part of this episode, clearly.

Fish: FIVE. SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT

Episode 361 - Yesterday Again

Today on Power Rangers, it's a much less amusing with no lesson learnt version of Groundhog Day!

We start with Carter failing to fly. He jumps out of his ship and lands... on the clouds? It's totally a simulation. At least they test stuff? Although they don't give a lot of training or time, seeing as they're testing Carter's ability to fly this thing and expect him to fly it for realsies THE NEXT DAY. Joel attempts to be nice, but it just comes across as condescending (or his jerkiness has tainted my view, whatever).

In the mess hall, everyone is confident in Carter. He is Pouty McPouterson and doubts himself while Dana tells really terrible jokes out of the newspaper. I LOVE HER SO MUCH YOU GUYS. Kelsey learns the valuable lesson of NOT rollerblading in the house, because she knocks over a big bowl of breakfast and she, the cook, and the floor are covered in oatmeal. Oh show. We're never going to get rid of that covered in food footnote, are we? At least Chad and Dana help her clean up. I'm sure Joel and Carter would have, but they had more important flying things to do.

Carter still fails. I'm wondering if the problem isn't with the jet instead of Carter. He seemed to be doing just fine when the jet engine started sparking. While he's attempting to NOT BLOW UP, a monster attacks and the rest of the team have to go out and stop it. While he tries to fix the jet. Since when is Carter a mechanic or an engineer? I thought he was a firefighter. He's certainly no Damon!

He morphs, jumps back in the jet, and rushes off to go help his friends, leaving his jacket behind to dramatically flutter in the wind. It's all slow motion and ominous and SUPER DRAMATIC and I love it. He's too late though, showing up just in time to watch his friends get blown to smithereens.

And then he jumps out of the simulation to find Joel standing there telling him he's okay and he'll be ready to fly for real tomorrow. Except he's very concerned because he thought Joel was dead. And nobody seems to think that's strange? What is this magic? It's as if science took a holiday and now Carter is living the day ALL OVER AGAIN. He answers Dana's really bad joke. He dramatically turns as Kelsey dramatically blades towards the chef and then dramatically stops her from spilling oatmeal everywhere. He tells Ms. Fairweather he's concerned he's reliving the same day over again and all she can say is "Simulations can be disorienting." I THINK THAT'S A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS THAN DISORIENTING, MKAY???? And he is CLEARLY not fit to fly, but they're sending him out anyway.

While fixing the power circuits, again, he spies his Dramatic Jacket from his previous day. He determines he traveled through time and that's why he relived the day over again. This... makes no sense. Science is taking a MAJOR holiday here. This is not how even the most unaccepted views on potential time travel work. He rushes off to his friends again and shows up in just enough time to stop them from being blown to smithereens. This time.

Carter uses missiles to attack the monster and manages to do loops and tight corners and amazing tricks in the jet that JUST MOMENTS AGO HE COULDN'T FLY SO BADLY THAT HE BROKE THE ENGINE. That's right. He's now an expert. And apparently the monster can fly because he's chasing Carter in the jet. Carter makes a daring high speed escape. Monster grows. Zords come out. Big fight. Whatever. I'm so done with this episode.

In order to fix the jet, Ms. Fairweather had to replace basically everything. All the circuits. All the fuses. All the everything. But it won't give him any problems now, apparently! Joel gives him the hat. He pulls it off way better. End credits. FINALLY.


5 fish. Just... no.
Covered in food: Kelsey, a chef, and the floor absolutely pasted over with oatmeal.

This is getting the dramatic cape tag because seriously... that dramatic fluttering jacket was the only good thing about that episode.

Episode 360 - The Chosen Path

Previously on Power Rangers, Joel is a douche. Kelsey has a super awesome Action Grandma. Ryan is no longer shirtless and also far far away and I have a sad. But today we have a Chad episode and that makes me happy!

So the Big Bads are having a dinner party. They're eating rodents and it makes me sad because rodents are cute and furry and sweet and oh so very smart! Well, rats are. And they say they're eating rats but they look like mice. ANYWAY. There is arguing and Big Bads being... well... rather like stupid frat boys.

Meanwhile, the rangers are doing actual TRAINING EXERCISES! Also, hello there Chad's Arms! It's so very nice to see you... can we see more of you? As the training exercise finishes, Chad's old mentor shows up. Out of the blue. In the middle of nowhere. For the sole purpose of chastising him for straying from the path he had set for Chad. Apparently Chad could really have Been Something. Because, y'know, BEING A POWER RANGER and SAVING THE WHOLE WORLD is such a waste, right?

Back at the base, Chad has a sad because his second daddy mentor is disappointed in him. Poor Chad! He tells his woes to Kelsey and it's super cute. But they get interrupted by a big orange cyclops guy who thinks he's the best. He's boring, but he does challenge them to hand to hand combat instead of hand to weapon combat. Except they still don't fight unmorphed. But whatever.

Chad's old Sensei thinks he can beat Cyclopter and challenges him to a fight. And manages to actually kick his ass. Everybody is super impressed. Chad attempts to introduce everybody, but Sensei is having NONE of that. He has no interest in the rangers. Because he has a stick up his rear end. Kelsey, luckily, is having none of his having none of them. She pleads Chad's case, but doesn't get very far.

I really kind of want to just smack this guy on the back of the head. Because he's throwing away something really awesome in Chad! Because he's too stuck in his idea of the way the world should work.

Meanwhile, Cyclopter goes to Chad's old Sensei. He has changed his ways and wants nothing more than to become his student. And the dude FALLS FOR IT. He agrees to teach Cyclopter. This will not end well. Which Chad tries to point out to him. But Cyclopter "gave his word of honour" and is apparently a better student than Chad because he's "more dedicated" or something. REALLY DUDE???? CHAD IS THE FREAKING BLUE RANGER! GET OVER YOURSELF.

Chad throws a bit of a fit back at the base and Kelsey tries to point out that his pride is getting in the way. His Sensei is in trouble and needs Chad's help. He should be out there helping him get away from the monster, not pouting. Though I can't really blame him for pouting. I would too. Anyway, he goes out to find Cyclopter. Who has already learned everything he can learn and has basically shoved Sensei away, as he deems him unnecessary. WHAT THE HELL DID HE EXPECT THOUGH? HE'S A FREAKING MONSTER!

Chad is determined to fix things, though, so he helps his Sensei recover before Carter calls him for help. Chad is ready to run off when Sensei says he can't go, that Cyclopter will know everything Chad has forgotten. Except Chad has not forgotten his training. Because he's Chad! And he's awesome! And dedicated! AND TOTALLY THE AWESOMESAUCE BLUE RANGER, OKAY? I guess this is all Sensei needed because he's all "Yeah, okay, go."

AND THEN WE GET AN UNMORPHED FIGHT! AND CHAD IS AMAZING AND I LOVE HIM. HE IS THE BEST THERE EVER WAS. Eventually there is morphing and monster growing and all the zords and whatever. I just want to watch that unmorphed fight again!

Back at the base, Chad and Mr. Tamashiro make up. He wants a tour of the Aquabase. Chad goes all goopy AW SURROGATE DADDY on him. It's syrupy cute. Resolved really fast and really easily, but whatever. Chad is adorable and I love everything about him.

5 fish. Because I spent the whole episode wanting to smack the old man with a frying pan and telling him that is NOT how one treats a student/surrogate son and goddamn just be proud of him for all the good he's doing in the world.

Episode 359 - The Fifth Crystal

Alpha's Magical Fic Exchange is now open for sign-ups!

Anyway, we are updating again without a super long hiatus? The world must be ending. Or something.

So we open with Vypra Mission Impossible Style hijjinks, including some music that is designed to evoke that particular feeling. It's all very dark, and I feel like somewhere the Leverage team is probably laughing their asses off. Man, I love Leverage. Anyway, Vypra steals some funky looking crystal, which is apparently the fourth one, and she looks very pleased with herself.

One of the monsters gives some exposition about how they need one more crystal and then they can destroy all the things. Cue themesong. (Which is still awesome.)

Back at the Aquabase, apparently the Rangers are going to investigate stolen crystals. Carter is totally confused, because um, they aren't the cops. But some special agent shows up to explain that they are starlight crystals, and only 5 of them exist in the world. They.... look vaguely like dilithium crystals. Dana is all "how are we going to find it?" but Kelsey tells them her grandmother has the last one. Apparently she hasn't spoken to her grandmother in years, because they don't get along. Her grandmother was apparently super awesome as a young woman, but now she apparently only cares about money.

Her grandmother is very stuck up, and assumes that Kelsey is only there to get money. Although to be fair, if you show up at a rich woman's house and are all "hey, I need some help" I... don't really blame you. Kelsey and Carter do a very bad job of explaining why they need the crystal. I love her grandmother a little bit. Her grandmother gives her the "this is super important to me" speech, and agrees to give Kelsey the crystal anyway. Kelsey promises to keep it safe. I sense disaster.

So they are transporting the crystal to... somewhere? With Kelsey handcuffed to the suitcase containing it. Vypra shows up in her car of doom and sends Batlings to over run the van. Kelsey uses the suitcase as a WEAPON, which is one of the most moronic things that Rangers have ever used as weapons, and Vypra then cuts  the handcuff off Kelsey, and takes the crystal. Luckily, this is when the Rangers all show up, and Carter manages to get all five crystals. Vypra and the Batlings vanish.

The Rangers hand the crystals off to the special agent, but its really the monster, who runs off with all the crystals. Kelsey's grandmother gives Kelsey the "I couldn't be more disappointed in you" speech. Carter then gives the grandmother the "all the money in the world can't buy you a decent personality" speech, and Kelsey starts crying about how all she ever wanted was for her grandmother to love her, and then she starts blaming herself. The grandmother (who frankly is allowed to be upset with them for losing her crystal) watches from the window.

Somehow Kelsey sees batlings driving around on a truck, and she rollerblades after them, and makes one of the most impossible jumps in the history of power rangers. They then go to an army base and nobody has noticed that Kelsey snuck in. They are not very smart.

Back in demon world, Queen Bansheera gives orders to Olympius and Loki to keep the Rangers from interfering. At Aquabase, Carter is looking for Kelsey. And then the alarm goes off.

Kelsey is still spying on the monsters at the abandoned warehouse/army base and the crystals are powering up the warp core, and then Kelsey gets noticed. There's a fight on rollerblades, which is awesome. I want Jubilee and Kelsey to be BFF now. They would totally get along. All the batlings fire at Kelsey, but she outskates them, but eventually she gets caught and they pull her rollerblades off her feet.

The other Rangers are on their way to rescue Kelsey when they notice Olympius, and there's a fight. And a really nice shot of Carter's ass. And also Chad gets pinned to the ground and starts moaning. This is totally relevant.

So the laser warp core is being moved into position, when ACTION GRANDMA comes to the rescue. Man, now I ship ACTION GRANDMA with Grandma Matchmaker. Or at least I want them to go and talk about their granddaughters the yellow rangers. And how they totally saved them. Because seriously. Old ladies being awesome! ACTION GRANDMA totally drives a forklift into the laser and laughs maniacally, and it is GREAT. Seriously, I think she is my favorite ever. The warp core laser explodes and the crystal is destroyed.

Kelsey asks what her grandmother is doing, and ACTION GRANDMA says she came to get the most precious thing in the world. Kelsey thinks her grandmother means the crystal, but it is OBVIOUSLY Kelsey.

Kelsey then heads over to help the other Rangers fight Olympius while ACTION GRANDMA is all "I'll be fine." She's probably destroying an entire army of Batlings herself. Anyway, the Rangers summon weapons and fight monsters and stuff happens, I guess. The monster gives the "you'll pay for ruining my plan" defeat flag, so Kelsey kicks his ass. They destroyed the monster without it growing.

The Rangers are all discussing what happened, and how Kelsey is sad because her grandmother will never forgive her. But Kelsey shows up on rollerblades to say that she is going on a picnic with someone. And ACTION GRANDMA appears, also on rollerblades. None of the Rangers want to go on the picnic with them, and ACTION GRANDMA calls them chickens. They do fun rollerblading stunts together and skate off.

THIS WAS SO GREAT WHY ISN'T LIGHTSPEED LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME???

Fish: 3. The science makes no sense, but WHATEVER. ACTION GRANDMA.

Fic we want: GRANDMA MATCHMAKER/ACTION GRANDMA. Or at least them hanging out and being awesome together. SERIOUSLY.

Episode 358 - The Omega Project

Previously... hell if I remember. Ryan was shirtless? I remember that much. And I got stuck with a Joel episode? REALLY? Ugh. (Whatever, I did miss this.)

So we start off with Joel and an inappropriately young friend using a telescope. The inappropriately young friend is named Simon, and he can join the list of future rangers. In fact, tiny child wants to work for Lightspeed. Joel tells the inappropriately young friend that working for Lightspeed is serious, but when he grows up, he'll be able to work wherever he wants.

Meanwhile, the villains are plotting to use an asteroid or something. I don't care. But the tiny child notices it right as his mother tells him to go to bed.

If Joel is not related to Simon, I am super assuming that he's sleeping with the kids mom.

Ms. Fairweather is explaining a new power up to the Rangers, and how she's created the Omega Megazord, which is the latest in Zord tech. I think she just wanted an excuse to make them say Omega Mega. Then Joel shows up with flowers, and she is all "late again." He tries to give her flowers, but is interrupted by a call. Simon the inappropriately young friend calls and apparently has hacked into the frequency because its super important, but Joel ignores him. Captain Awesome is all "What is going on?" and he ends up getting the flowers that Joel was going to present to Ms. Fairweather.

Simonagain is all "LOOK, I AM SMART. Have this binder of proof and math and I am WAY SMARTER THAN YOU." The kid is great. "I have the position, the velocity, EVERYTHING." Kid is totally a future Ranger and/or future tech. This time Joel believes him, and he goes to Lightspeed.

Ms. Fairweather ignores Joel, because frankly, Joel has cried wolf approximately 87 times at this point and she's running tests. So the kid simply hacks into the database because he is the most brilliant. By the time everyone else has figured out how to get into the office, Simon has proven his point. Ms. Fairweather is all "damn, this kid is great."

An alarm goes off, and the Rangers have to go form a zord to fight the asteroid. They... stand in the middle of the city and plan to blow it up? That is poor planning. All the debris will still destroy everything!

Olympius is all "well, I'll block the sun so they won't have any power." SCIENCE DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY. Did they learn nothing from earlier? Hell, MMPR stopped the solar power megazords after green with evil!

So the Rangers have to ignore the asteroid and go fight olympius and blah blah blah. Meanwhile, smart inappropriately young friend is doing science. He's all "whoops, thing is bigger than we thought." Ms. Fairweather recalls them to the base so they can initiate the omega project. God, I have been in fandom for so long I am so confused as to why a/b/o is involved, and that's not even my kink.

Inappropriately young friend is all worried as the Rangers dramatically enter their zords or whatever, and everyone in the base is super intensely watching. They take off, and the kid adorably salutes captain awesome.

So they go and fly in space and form a megazord and then try to land on the asteroid? They can't find a place to land, so Chad shoots stuff and then they land. The megazord like crab crawls or whatever, and then the whole episode turns into Armageddon as they start drilling into the asteroid. (I refuse to link to that piece of crap movie.) They insert some explosives. Apparently this giant asteroid will only need two of them. Bullshit. They insert the second explosive, and then the asteroid starts attacking them?

Ms. Fairweather starts yelling at them to pull out, and Carter is all "well, we'll have to detonate everything manually" so they fully form the omega megazord and then they get the omega missile, and then they hit the explosives with the sword, which makes everything explode? The kid yells very dramatically and seriously, who was watching Armageddon when they wrote this script? WHO DO I HAVE TO BLAME.  There is a giant explosion, but Carter's voice comes in and they are all alive and everything is destroyed.

The inappropriately young friend gives Joel the credit. Joel congratulates Ms. Fairweather, and she tells him that Simon did it. Joel tells the kid to ask Ms. Fairweather out, and the way he phrases it TOTALLY makes it sound like the kid should ask her out for himself. He lets the kid wear the hat and everything. She then agrees to take Simon to the planetarium. Kid is way better at this than you are, Joel. And he is not an ass.

Fish: 5. Anything that I have to compare to Armageddon is an AUTOMATIC FIVE FISH. On the other hand, the kid is super great, and I look forward to him being a Ranger/tech one day.

Fic we want: SERIOUSLY, THAT KID IS GREAT

Random thought that didn't fit into the recap: Man, all of their plans seem to involve DESTROYING EARTH. Or is the magic asteroid not going to totally destroy the planet? Where exactly are they planning on building their palace anyway, if an ASTEROID WIPES OUT EVERYTHING.

Episode 357 - The Queen's Return

WE'RE BACK! I know it's been, like, half a year. But we're back. For reals this time!

Okay, so part of the problem is that this season is so. Freaking. BORING. I just can't bring myself to care about... any of it. I actually had to go look up the episodes we'd already recapped because I'd forgotten pretty much everything except Ryan being shirtless.

We start off with villains! Who's names I can't remember! And don't even care enough about to go look up! So we'll just call them Symbol Guy, Horned Guy, Whingy Demon Bratling (who I almost called Fabulously Shiny Red Guy, because he is super fabulous), and Weasly Less Awesome The Count. Plus Lady Who Can't Act. They are planning plans. Or something.

So then we get to our intrepid heroes. Carter is driving. Joel is being a jackass in the back of the jeep and singing horribly to some old cd player (that probably wasn't that old when this aired). He is not wearing a seat belt. Carter slams on the brakes and Joel REALLY should have gone flying out of that Jeep and being horribly maimed by the road. If, y'know, physics existed in this universe. Chad and Kelsey are rollerblading and they stop at the same time as Carter. Because there is an Ominous Black Cloud in the sky.

Ryan knows about it and finally deems it the right time to tell them it's an evil ceremony. Something he could have mentioned, oh, I don't know, any other time prior to this point! So off go the Rangers to Stop Things. First they have to save people from a burning building, though, and once again I wonder what happened to the firefighters in Mariner Bay.

This leaves Ryan to go off and stop the summoning. He gets caught by Lady Who Can't Act, though, and thrown down to take part in the summoning. As a sacrifice, I suppose. Which is a bit dark for a kids show! Or maybe just to be tied up and look attractive. Symbol Guy pulls some Space Doesn't Work Like That and Lady Who Can't Act sounds less than excited that now her Queen can have a corporeal body again.

Luckily the Rangers finish with the building-on-fire and show up just in time to interrupt the ceremony! They free Ryan and fight the bad guys and I guess Ryan can morph now? Because he finally did and knocks out some underlings. I forgot how cute they are in this series! Why don't we get to see the little bat guys more often?

Oh well. Carter takes out Symbol Guy, or so they think. Instead he just get bigger. It looks like he has little Christmas lights dangling from his hat and it's also the first time I found him even remotely interesting. But he's big so that means all the zords must come out to play.

There is fire and brimstone and things shooting from the damaged building into space. Physics, show. This is not how it works. The ceremony is sort of complete and the Queen sort of shows up, but she's mostly just a big head floating in the sky, and everybody is really happy. She is clearly What's His Face's (Lokar) girlfriend. I wonder if he knows he has a whiny demon bratling? In celebration of her triumphant return, she plans to destroy the city herself. She sends a tsunami, but Ryan thrusts a sword into things and jams up the Evil Flow. She vanishes. The planets come out of alignment (SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT MKAY). Ryan appears to be No Longer With Us.

The rangers and all the zords beat the Symbol Guy. Whingy Demon Bratling is sad he won't see his mother again, except then she's totally there. Or something.

Ryan crawls out of the rubble apparently unharmed. LIKE MAGIC. Back at the base, Ryan decides to leave to figure out how to capture the bad guys again. It has Super Dramatic Music. Really it just reeks of "Making new footage is out of our budget now". TSB says, at least they didn't send him to a Peace Conference. AGREED. Although maybe he really went on some secret project for Torchwood...

The only thing that could make that ending more bearable would be if Ryan had been shirtless. Or Carter had been shirtless. Or Ryan and Carter had been making out. OR THEY HAD BEEN MAKING OUT SHIRTLESS! That's how the episode ended in my head.

Why so boring, season? WHY?

Episode 356 - A Face From the Past

Previously. Ryan is no longer shirtless every episode. Woe.

Kelsey is rollerblading through the Aquabase, because she is a) apparently not very good at it, and b) a failbot. I mean, I like her. But that is super irresponsible.

Captain Awesome then tells them that he has an important assignment - they need a day off! Which, hey! Is good. Because all work and no play makes them a very dull team. Or something.

Everyone decides to go to the beach, and Joel is busy being an asshat in a wifebeater, Chad and Kelsey go surfing, and Dana decides to bury her brother. Dana, unbury him so we can ogle. Carter, on the other hand, is going to go train. Captain Awesome is all "I told you to take a day off" but Carter is all "from training? Never." So Captain Awesome offers to be his sparring partner.

Captain Awesome is all "don't go easy on me just because I'm an old man" and he ends up flipping Carter. Then they go jogging. Carter offers to slow down for him, but Captain Awesome is all "you're too slow."

The villains then decide to knock out the power to Mariner Bay, which should also shut down the Aquabase. Because they don't have backup generators or something.

Captain Mitchell is all "when I was your age" to Carter, and he tries to convince Carter to take a day off. SERIOUSLY BEST DADDY, EVEN TO KIDS WHO AREN'T HIS.

Carter tells Captain Awesome about the fireman who saved his life as a kid. Carter wants to be as good as him, even though he doesn't know who the mysterious firefighter is. He has such issues. But it is an adorable bonding moment that is sadly interrupted by monsters.

Carter and Captain Awesome show up at the burning power plant, (which was being visited by a field trip of tiny children) and Carter morphs, and Captain Awesome dons firefighter gear and they both go in to help. Because apparently there are just spare uniforms lying around. and the firefighters aren't going to notice or care.

Captain Awesome and Carter make a good team. The rest of the Rangers all show up to help, and Ms. Fairweather calls in to say another power plant is under attack. Captain awesome sends all the Rangers to help that one, saying that he'll handle things here. The tiny children just huddle in the burning building, when Captain Awesome, who is apparently the only firefighter, shows up. Unfortunately, one of the tiny children forgot her bear, so she goes back for the bear.

Meanwhile, the Rangers fight the monster and beat it. (Seriously, super dull.) Then they go back to the fire, and discover Captain Awesome has gone back for the girl and her bear. Carter runs in after them, and Carter realizes that Captain Awesome is the one who saved him years ago. And as he has his realization he just STANDS THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRE, before Captain Awesome yells at him to run, and Carter gets the girl out.

A fireball comes out of the building, and Dana flips out, assuming her dad is dead, but he has managed to escape unharmed. Then there are hugs. Unfortunately we have to cut away from the heartwarming moment because zords and monsters growing. Luckily, the fight is over quickly, and the villains go talk more about the planets aligning or whatever. Vypra's acting is pretty bad, as usual.

Back on the Aquabase, Carter walks in on Ms. Fairweather patching up Captain Mitchell, and he sees a burn pattern on the Captain's back. The Captain confirms that he was the one who saved Carter all those years ago. And then he's been stalking him ever since. It's both creepy and sweet.

Carter is all "I'm going to train even harder to make you proud!" The Captain again tells him to go take a day off.

And now I ship them. I AM GOING TO HELL.

Anyway, back at the beach, Carter shows up with his shirt unbuttoned. Everyone is like "Carter can have fun? What?" So he decides to spray them with a super soaker while Captain Awesome looks on approvingly.

Fish: 3. It was super cliche, but in a good way.

Today on Power Rangers, the Cocoon of Evil kicks some ass.

So the Cocoon of Evil has made it's way to the city. It has lasers! And is impervious to the Rangers blasters! There is a whole plethora of bad guys just lined up waiting and they are not disappointed. The blasters cause a big explosion and the Cocoon of Evil bursts open, tearing a large crater in the concrete. An evil laugh emerges from the rubble.

Olympius rises from the smoke and ash All Grown Up. He's cocky. And apparently rightfully so because he first throws Carter under his boot and then manages to take down the other four rangers in one blow. He kidnaps them and then suffers some kind of migraine. He is forced to retreat.

The bad guys are very boring. Olympius monologues about his plan and restoring his powers and blah blah blah. It's boring. Apparently monsters lose their power in water, so they can't infiltrate the Aqua Base. Except Olympius can totally change his shape to look like the rangers he has trapped in his little star thingy.

Ryan knows an awful lot about Olympius and the Star Power and he explains everything. Meanwhile Olympius approaches as Chad. Chad looks really good evil. He should be evil more often. He throws some dirt on himself and stumbles out to Carter. Carter buys it hook, line, and sinker and takes him straight home. He's not the brightest crayon in the box.

"Kelsey" comes running up and says everybody is back safe and sound and they can call off the search party Captain Awesome ordered. Carter is suspicious but goes with it anyway. "Kelsey" tries to break into the computer. Unsuccessfully. She breaks into Captain Awesome's office instead and, upon being nearly caught, switches to "Dana" instead. "Joel" even manages to fool Ms. Fairweather and gets the doors open. Seriously lady! He didn't hit on you! THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DEAD GIVEAWAY!

This is not actually a bad plan on the part of the bad guys! It seems to be working, mostly because it seems the Aqua Base is full of idiots.

Of course, then Ms. Fairweather figures out there's a problem and tries to stop Joel. It's only when he attacks her that anybody figures out he's not Joel. Olympius changes back into himself and grabs Ms. Fairweather to use as a shield. Yes, let's put the woman in  danger. Great job show.

Ryan attacks from behind. Carter throws Olympius into the water and manages to avoid getting electrocuted despite the massive surge of electricity going all over the place, and then they both end up on the beach. The other rangers are released from the star and the bad guys have to retreat so Olympius can recover from the water issue. One guy stays behind.

There is a fight. It is boring. The rangers win. I can't even remember this bad guy's name.

Olympius beats himself up over losing the rangers. The other villains mock him for being so young.

The other rangers get on Carter about Olympius getting in. They are really mean about the fact that he couldn't tell the difference between Olympius and his friends. They back him up until he falls in the water again. Poor Carter. That wasn't very nice.

5 fish. Oh god show. This was awful. Just... seriously. I cannot wait for this season to be over. It's so god awful boring.

Episode 354 - The Cobra Strikes

Today on Power Rangers, we have even MORE Ryan angst. I approve of this, as it seems to be about the only interesting thing about this season thus far.

Ryan is still shirtless (more, please) in the medical ward. Ms. Fairweather is examining the cobra tattoo. I'm pretty sure she's not a medical doctor... but whatever.

Back in the city, there is a sudden darkness overtaking things. The rangers rush off and Ryan gets to pout because he gets told he can't go. Diabolico has brought down his freaky three-monster combo monster, Trika. It's boring. I didn't like these monsters when they were individuals. This weird three sided thing is just... blah.

Ryan can't seem to rest. He's anxious, so he watches the fight. The rangers aren't doing so hot, but he can't go morph. I think this fight would be way more interesting if it was all shot from Ryan's angsty point of view. The rangers were beat all to hell, unfortunately. Ryan feels useless because he couldn't help them, so he decides to figure out how to go stop the cobra himself.

Kelsey is upset because that monster is as strong as all three combined. Seeing as that monster IS all three combined, I'm not sure why this is so surprising. They decide to rush finishing the new project, the Battle Boosters, because it's going to be the only way to stop him. In other words, new toys. Trika goes back to Earth and starts attacking civilians because he wants the rangers to come play. They show up, the battle boosters are done right after they get thrown around a bit, and all of sudden everybody has a number keypad on their wrist. Apparently that's the battle booster? It's... whatever. It's another boring battle. Not even ten minutes in and we're two battles under our belt? This is not going to be the best episode.

Except then we get more Ryan angst! I love Ryan angst! He finds some ancient ruins and then he finds a cobra on a wall. He touches it and this apparently calls forth a cobra monster. He's going to fight it on his own.

Meanwhile, the rangers have destroyed Trika. Diabolico isn't happy about that, so he goes down to fight them himself. I still don't care about this fight. I think this is supposed to be some badass thing? But it's not. At least we get shots of Ryan's fight cut into the Diabolico/Zord fight. The Supertrain Megazord takes a big hit, gets a hole blasted through it, and this is the first time I DO NOT CARE ONE BIT that a megazord has been completely destroyed.

At the interesting fight, Ryan morphed to try to beat the cobra, but he couldn't maintain it. His cobra tattoo was too close to killing him. He demorphs, TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF (yay!!!), and then blasts a pillar of stone down on top of the cobra monster, destroying it. His tattoo fades (which how does he see it? It's on his back...) and he's free of the curse. And still shirtless. If he could just remain shirtless forever, that would be great.

He morphs, gets in his zord, and goes to join the other rangers while reassuring everybody that he broke the curse and the cobra is gone and yada yada yada. His zord and the rescue zords make some new megazord which completely negates any sadness we were supposed to feel over the destruction of the Supertrain megazord. Not that I felt anything anyway? But I think I was supposed to be upset by it. I just don't care. About any of this. This fight is the most boring ever. And I find most of the fights boring, so that says a lot.

Vypra continues to not be able to act and falls to the ground in despair that Diabolico is gone. The red glowy thing from Diabolico goes into the baby thing that really should be better supervised than it is. He ends up encased in a cocoon.

Everybody is celebrating back at the base. They think they're free, except then the alarms go off and they have to go fight something, because they don't have drills apparently. The rangers rush into the city and Queen Bansheera shows up in that glowy smoke thing she does. Ryan tells them about her and how badass she is. She won't be there to fight, but she says her son will be ready soon and he'll destroy them.

I really don't care. The only sad this episode gives me is the I-think-these-are-the-last-shirtless-Ryan-scenes sad.

Too boring for fish. No, really. It was. The only interesting parts of this episode were the Ryan-angst-shirtless parts and they were too few and far between. Even they weren't really INTERESTING... just... y'know... shirtless.

Episode 353 - Strength of the Sun

Long time no recap. Sorry?

So Queen bansheera is all "you have failed me for the last time" to Diabolico and "I will take away your star power." Diabolico is all "worst kid, I should kill him." Then all the other monsters show up before he can. Diabolico is all "just destroy them."

Villains, I wish you were more interesting. Can we get to Ryan being emo and taking off his shirt or something?

Back at the Aquabase, Ms. Fairweather is designing something new. But there is a problem, by the name with Ryan. The new toy is useless without him. Ryan overhears, and he has a sad. Sadly, the sad doesn't include him removing his shirt.

In the cafeteria, Joel and Chad don't get why Ryan isn't allowed to morph, because the monsters are still out there. UM, MAYBE BECAUSE HE WILL DIE? A monster alert goes off, and Ryan gives everyone the saddest look, because he is a puppy, and then they leave without him. Ryan, break the curse first, THEN morph.

Anyway, the Rangers fight the monsters and the monsters are winning. I guess some of the effects are cool? I am just not emotionally invested in the fight. Dana then suggests splitting them up, so she and Kelsey lead off one of the monster/demon things. Dana then announces there's a part 2 to the plan. The monster calls them "my little pretties" and then Kelsey and Dana shoot him. (We really need more of the girls bonding!)

Back at the base, Ryan is having a sad as he watches the other guys lose. Luckily, the girls have come to the rescue. The Rangers summon weapons, but no use, and they all collapse. The monster gives an incredibly lame pun, and the monster that the girls knocked out gets up again.

Supposedly though, this is part of Carter's plan, although I have no idea when they PLANNED this plan. The monster gets close to them, and they shoot him at point blank range. (Not a bad plan!)

Diabolico makes the destroyed monster grow, and Carter summons the toys. We get the LONG zord summoning sequence. I guess the episode ran a little short? Look, if you needed to kill time, there's plenty more shots of Ryan having a sad that you could have used.

Diabolico makes the second monster grow as well. Ms. Fairweather is all "we're fucked" and Captain Mitchell starts yelling about putting all the reserves. Ryan stares at his morpher, thinks about the cobra, and then leaves to activate the new zord, and he morphs. He's going to risk himself. ♥

I'm not really sure where he got the tech skills to activate the zord. Captain Mitchell tries to order his son back, but Ryan is all "they need my help." Nobody can really argue with that. Ryan to the rescue!

Ryan has to energize the solar panels so he has to change course and head to the sun, and the tattoo on his back starts to climb again. He goes into space, fully energizes, and the his zord jumps on the Rangers back. Ms. Fairweather gives a quick explanation, while everyone is busy being super concerned for Ryan instead.

Ryan does a lot of impressive stunts and destroys a monster, but the second one hits him, and he has to fight through the pain of the cobra climbing him to take out the other one.

Everyone congratulates Ryan, but he's passed out in his cockpit from the pain. We then cut to him shirtless in the infirmary. All he has to say is that the zord is totally awesome. Then he asks Dana if their dad will be mad. As soon as Dana sees their dad coming, she's all "BYE."

Captain Awesome tells Ryan that he's proud of him, and he would have done the same thing. Ryan then rolls over, and we see how high the tattoo has climbed. It's not good. The next time he morphs will probably be the one that kills him.

Meanwhile, Diabolico is all "what, you're not sick of these monsters yet? I'm totally going to bring them back again."

Fish: 2. How do you make an episode about Ryan angst this dull?

Episode 352 - Curse of the Cobra

Let's get down to business! To recap the show!

Previously, Ryan has angst! \o/ So, true story. When I was a teenager, I used to babysit every Saturday night. And being the worst babysitter ever, I would basically plop the kids in front of the TV, and watch something from their (fairly awesome) video collection.

Anyway, they had these two episodes, and we watched them a lot. (They were the only episodes of LR I'd seen, actually, since the Lost Galaxy airing schedule had gotten me out of PR for a while.)

Anyway! Let's talk about the possessed by an evil snake tattoo that's going to slither up his body and necessitate a lot of shirtless scenes. Show, how are you so great? (Why couldn't the whole season be about that?) (And I don't even HAVE a tattoo kink, but the hurt/comfort and the angst and the issues and this was tailor made for me, seriously.)

(My flail at the end of the last episode when he got the evil snake tattoo? Yeah, I love these episodes. A LOT.)

Anyway! We start with the villains gossiping and recapping previous events. Then Diabolico gives the monsters a new toy.

Back on the Aquabase, Captain Awesome is explaining to Ryan how great Ms. Fairweather is. And then he's all "there is actual training!" I appreciate that the team actually has to work on this whole being a Ranger thing. Captain Awesome tells Ryan how proud he is of him, and Ryan is all "yay!" but then as soon as his dad leaves he strips off his shirt and stares at the tattoo. Oh, Ryan. You need all the hugs. Don't worry, Carter will volunteer soon!

We get a flashback to Diabolico disintegrating Ryan's shirt and pushing him up against a pillar and giving him the cursed tattoo (yesssss) and then Carter spies on shirtless Ryan because he loves him. Carter is speechless at the sight of Ryan's body tattoo, but then instead of going to train, a monster attacks.

The team grabs their jackets and head out and morph. There's a fight and some cool gymnastics and then Ryan is in pain as the tattoo begins to slither up his body, and he falls off a building, writhing on the ground in agony, and seriously, best episode. Carter rushes to his side, but Ryan insists he's fine, but Carter can actually see the tattoo moving, even through his suit. Then the monsters use the new toy to make a copy of the villain.

... For a second I wasn't sure if I was writing hurt/comfort fic or recapping the episode. I love when that happens.

Anyway, fight happens, and then Carter shoots from the hip, which is pretty cool, and then some toys are brought out. The Rangers get knocked down, but they get up again, and then Ryan falls to his knees.

Carter realizes that if they hurt demonite, they hurt his clone also, and then Carter announces that he has a plan. Ryan forcibly demorphs and clutches at his back, while the monster mocks him.

The other Rangers keep running around and play hide and seek among the containers with the monster, and we see that they're on the roof of them.  The monsters realize this, and shoot at them, but it was a trick so that Carter can threaten the monster. The monster is all "at this distance, you'll blow yourself up, too." Then we flash to Ryan's agonized face, and then Carter decides not to blow up the monster? This makes no sense at all. Their whole purpose is to blow up monsters. Anyway, the monster is all "well, if you won't destroy me, I'll destroy you" and then Carter shoots him and blows him up anyway. So.... what was the point of that?

Everyone assumes that Carter is dead, and then Joel is all "look, he's fine!" He does have Red Ranger immunity, anyway. There are some hugs, and Dana holds the collapsing Carter.

Diabolico makes the destroyed Demonite  monster grow, and the zords are summoned. Could we go back to Ryan, please? Anyway, then they call the other zords. They blow up the monster. I do love that the Super Train Megazord is SO MUCH TALLER than the monster. Then they blow it up.

Diabolico is very upset that Demonite has been destroyed, but the other two villains are all "it's cool, we'll handle it."

Meanwhile, shirtless!Ryan is staring at his back in the mirror again, and Carter has come to see him. Carter is all "Ryan, I stared at your naked back." Ryan tells Carter its a going away present from Diabolico, and when Carter pushes, Ryan tells him the truth as long as he promises not to tell anyone. He doesn't want to be grounded, because being a Ranger is important to him.

Of course, it turns out that his dad is listening outside. he tells Ryan that until something is figured out, Ryan isn't to morph. His dad points out that he lost him once, and he can't lose him again.

BEST EPISODE. I mean, except for the part that makes no sense. STILL. BEST EPISODE.

Fish: 2! Okay, it probably deserves more than that, but we were pretty distracted and didn't care that much.

Episode 351 - Ryan's Destiny

Today on Power Rangers, more Ryan angst! I wholeheartedly approve.

So there is an intruder on the base and there are alarms and flashy lights and loud voices screaming out INTRUDER ALERT. But it's just Ryan. Being all emo. Looking very sad and distraught. The worst security ever takes forever to get there, but it's okay, because it's just Ryan and he just wants to see his dad.

He came to say goodbye, apparently, because he is now in the middle of an existential crisis. Oh Ryan. Don't ever smile or look happy. I love you when you're all tortured.

Captain Awesome Mitchell tries to convince him to stay, tries to convince him that he's a good person (with an OCEAN OF GOODNESS, oh god writers, please). Ryan won't stay, so Captain Mitchell gives him a shiny little box instead and basically tells him to open it when he stops being Tortured Soul Emo. I really kind of hope that never happens.

Bad Guys are having a rough time because they can't beat the Power Rangers. The baby is next in line to get the job done and it's actually used as a threat. That's right, they're going to have THE BABY beat the rangers. Well, not really, but it's a serious threat that they take seriously and seriously consider other alternatives. Seriously. It's kind of ridiculous. I... admit to forgetting pretty much everything about these bad guys as soon as they are off my screen. They are boring and it's so hard to remember when there is Ryan Angst all over the place.

Speaking of, Tortured Soul Emo Ryan finds a feather (a feather bomb, actually, because it's from the Bad Guys and not an actual bird) and watches small people and actually smiles. Stop smiling, Ryan. He gets a ball for a little boy and convinces him his kid sister really isn't all that bad and they have to stick together. He gives them the feather he found and the little girl is happy and the little boy is happy and Ryan is happy and I don't think that's going to end well.

He gets good advice from a random lady at the bus stop, who tells him to follow his heart, and then winks at him. It's weird. But at least he's polite enough to let others go ahead of him when he's indecisive. Meanwhile the rangers are fighting the Bad Guy Threesome which sounds way more awesome than it actually is.

The Rangers realize the feathers are bombs and smartly get it out to the news, which Ryan overhears at the bus stop. He remembers giving the feather to the boy to give to his sister. The bus driver is waiting, but Ryan runs away. He has to get that feather back. Ryan finally catches up to the family, drops all his stuff, and manages to snatch the feather just as the sun is setting. He grabs the feather, flings it over the bridge, and shields the family as it explodes. Ryan the Tortured Soul Emo HERO!

He realizes he really is a good guy and opens the shiny box. Inside is the Titanium Morpher. Yay we get more Titanium Ass! He rushes to the main fight where his sister and friends are trying (and failing) to beat the Bad Guy Threesome. He morphs - TITANIUM AAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS - and it is super great. He totally wins at everything.

Captain Awesome is super proud. You just know he had a really hard time explaining why he handed over the morpher to an ex-baddie, which would be the Best Fic Ever, but he did it anyway. Because he knew it's what Ryan needed. And he is the best dad this show has ever had.  Dana is super happy to see her brother and hugs him and cries and it's great. They even give him a jacket when they get back to base. Because he is part of the team now. Even though he is still Tortured Soul Emo Titanium Ass and has nightmares. Lots and lots of nightmares. Nightmares where he is stripped shirtless (yes, please), thrown against a pillar (yes, please, again), and branded with a cobra tattoo, which will squeeze him until he dies. That's right, UNTIL HE DIES. Every time he morphs, he'll get closer and closer to death.

He wakes up to realize it wasn't a nightmare. He has a cobra on his back.


2 fish. It was a little boring, but all the Tortured Soul Emo Titanium Ass makes up for just about anything.

Fic we want: Captain Mitchell explaining to the Lightspeed Board why he gave Ryan, his ex-and-maybe-still-a-little-bit evil son, the Titanium Morpher. That isn't really working well on humans in the first place and is super powerful and strong enough to take down their only line of defense.

Episode 350 - Truth Discovered

Today on Power Rangers, Dana discovers her brother is still alive and we get a fine piece of Titanium Ass.

It's exposition time! Captain Mitchell flashes back to the car accident that supposedly took his son's life. He was driving them home from his mother's house, both children in the backseat, when a big rig runs them off the road. The children were playing with new toys in the backseat DISTURBINGLY UNRESTRAINED. Seriously, not a seatbelt in sight and frankly, both were small enough to be in boosters, even for that time period. Baby!Dana could even have been in a harness (by today's standards). Captain Mitchel manages to make it out of the car as it plummets over the cliff, and he's got both children clinging to him. He's holding tightly to a root and Dana is holding him tightly. Baby!Ryan is slipping, unable to hold to his leg. Ryan is about to fall and Spirit!Diabolico shows up, says he'll save the boys life, but the boy will belong to him. Captain Mitchell initially says no, but then Ryan lets go and falls, and Captain Mitchell cries out for Diabolico to save his son. He does so, but takes Ryan with him, promising Ryan will vanish until his twentieth birthday.

Back in present time, everybody has a sad over the heartbreaking story and really, poor Dana, what a way to find out your brother is still alive.

Meanwhile, Diabolico tells Ryan all about that night and how his father was going to let him die and Diabolico saved him. How Captain Mitchell only loved Dana and tossed Ryan away like trash. AND OMG THIS WHOLE STORY IS THE BEST THING EVER. MAJOR DADDY ISSUES FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

So it's Ryan's twentieth birthday and that means he's back with a vengeance and a super nice Titanium Ass. Captain Mitchell is understandably distracted. He won't look at reports. Barely acknowledges his subordinates. Then disappears to look for Ryan. Ryan is super focused though, because he crumples up a picture he had of himself, Dana, and their father, then says Captain Mitchell will live to regret being such a crummy father. Oh Ryan! OH I LOVE YOU ALREADY YOU ANGRY, MISGUIDED HOT ASS!

Dana decides to go find them and leaves the other rangers behind. They are understandably not happy about it. She finds her brother and confronts him, surprised to discover his anger and misconceptions about their childhood. There is a pretty epic fight between the siblings and okay, so maybe I only care about it because of the awesome childhood angsty dialogue, but whatever. It's amazeballs.

Dana refuses to hurt him. She insists her father loved Ryan, tells him about their childhood and how he wanted to grow up to be a firefighter just like their dad, and then the others show up just as Ryan starts to remember. He runs off, unable to continue fighting his sister.

Monster of the week shows up and I don't care because HE doesn't have sibling angst and is therefor irrelevant to this episode (as far as I'm concerned). Fight fight, monster grows, all the toys, yada yada, you know how this plays out.

Back to Ryan! Just as it should be! He's having angst at the edge of the cliff where the car crashed. Captain Mitchell shows up and realizes Ryan doesn't remember. He tells him exactly what happened and Ryan struggles with the fuzzy memory he has of that night and what he's been told all these past twelve(ish) years by Diabolico. IT IS FULL OF ANGST AND WIN AND I LOVE IT SO VERY MUCH.

HE PUSHES HIS FATHER OVER THE EDGE. Because he is sure his father let him fall. They both go tumbling and Captain Mitchell grabs hold of that same root. Ryan clings to his hand and Captain Mitchell cries for him to hold on, that he can save him, and Ryan REMEMBERS. HE FINALLY REMEMBERS! And then he pulls himself up to grasp the root, too, but it can't support them both, so Captain Mitchell smiles and lets go. Ryan just got his Daddy back and he's having none of this sacrificial heroic shit, so he falls, morphs, and catches his father on the way down.

SHOW I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOW CAN YOU BE SO PERFECT??????

Captain Mitchell apologizes. He would have given his life to save Ryan's, and that's true, that's so totally true, because I GET IT. I DO. He doesn't want to lose him, and it's all tearful and heartfelt and the others are there and THIS IS SO HARD GUYS. Ryan drops the Titanium Morpher and runs away. Because he's scared and hurt and so very very confused. But he'll be back. Because he's Sixth Ranger Titanium Ass.

He has to go confront Diabolico, because he remembers what happened. He knows how it all went down. It's glorious. And his revenge will be epicly sweet. Oh yes.

2 fish. And okay, so there is the off-the-fish-scale question of how Diabolico was able to save Ryan, what with being all IMPRISONED and all, but frankly, I really don't care about that big gaping school of fish. Because the rest of this episode is GOLD.

Episode 349 - From Deep in the Shadows

Power Rangers Megaforce on Saturday at 1 pm on Nick! You've all seen the promos, right? RIGHT? Because if not, you should go watch them immediately.

Anyway! We are up to the start of the best part of Lightspeed. (Yes, yes, feel free to argue with me. But I love this!) And this was the part of the season that actually made me interested in LR the first time I was watching. In fact, this was the only part I watched on TV when it was originally airing. (And the kids I babysat for totally had it on tape, and I watched it a lot with them. Priorities, I have them.)

So! Today, on Power Rangers, we get the first of the US only Power Rangers! Titanium Ranger, here we come!

We start at the Aquabase, where Joel is late again. Carter is being hooked up to all sorts of devices, including a new morpher, and everything is Super Serious. And Carter looks super hot. (Totally relevant.)

Carter dramatically touches the morpher and calls out "Titanium Power!" and then we get all sorts of wacky mad science effects, and he appears to be in pain, and show, if you'd like to linger more on his face, I'd be okay with that. Anyway, he manages to sustain a morph for a second, and everyone is super concerned about him. (Also, look, I know its the US's first time trying to design suits, but that thing is FUGLY.)

Later, Captain Mitchell and Ms. Fairweather discuss whether to continue testing the Titanium Powers. Ms. Fairweather says its too powerful for an ordinary human. Captain Mitchell agrees, but says it would have been fantastic. He then locks the morpher up in a safe.

Then, we get a dramatic shot of him staring at a photograph, and then Dana brings in a birthday cake! They have the most adorable relationship. We then find out that she has a big brother who would have been 20 today, and they blow out the candles in his honor, and I have ALL THE FEELINGS. Dana says that they wish for the same thing - that the car crash had never happened and that Ryan was still there. Captain Mitchell has a sad, and then says his wish is that Dana always knows that he loves her. BEST FATHER AND DAUGHTER EVER.

Then we get a series of jaws sound effects, and someone comes into the base. DUN DUN DUN. Everything is very dark and ominous. The mystery person makes their way through the base, and into the Captain's office. He breaks into the safe (and really, you leave the keys in a drawer? Without doing anything else?) and also glares at the photo of Captain Mitchell with his two children. Mystery person takes the morpher!

In the morning, Vypra is all "and now we destroy Mariner Bay!" and stuff starts blowing up. The Lightspeed team goes to investigate, and they start fighting. (She would be so much better if she just didn't speak. I'm sorry, but the actress is.... so not good.) The team threatens her, and then she's like "Fuck y'all, have the TITANIUM RANGER." His appearance is super dramatic and fucking AWESOME, even if that is still the ugliest suit design.

Evil!Ranger is all "I'm your worst nightmare" and the Captain finally realizes the morpher has been stolen. Sorry, Captain Awesome, you lost some points there for failure.

Anyway, evil!Ranger kicks their asses and its an absolutely great fight, and all American footage! I CANNOT STRESS HOW AWESOME I THINK THIS IS. Anyway, evil Ranger turns their weapons against them, and EVERYTHING HERE IS SO GREAT. Evil!Ranger has a great evil laugh. I APPROVE SO HARD.

Captain Awesome orders them to retreat, and the team does. Everyone is all "WTF."

Back on the base, everyone is so confused as to what is going on. The Captain tells them they need to get the power back and fast. Meanwhile, the villains are being all smug about how they're going to win. Either the Rangers will be destroyed, or they will run, and either way they get the city. Diabolico is so happy to get his homeland back.

Later, in the city, everyone keeps repeating that its too quiet. And then Chad notices something weird, because he is the smartest.  Evil Ranger is back, and we get a gratuitous ass shot (not that I'm complaining) and when asked who he is, the Titanium Ranger says "it doesn't matter any more." BECAUSE HE HAS ISSUES AND I LOVE HIM.

They fight again, Titanium continues to win, and SERIOUSLY, HAVE I STRESSED HOW AWESOME THIS IS? Ms. Fairweather is busy creating something, and she says she hasn't finished testing it, but sends it out anyway. New toys! The V Lancers! They look ridiculous, but whatever. With the new toy they start to win the fight. The toys do a few new things, and they shoot him and he gets knocked down, but he gets up again. And the helmet opens, and we see that he's human, and Captain Mitchell let's out a "no."

The Rangers are about to shoot him, when Captain Mitchell orders them not to fire. Everyone is like "but we can get him!" and he tells them again not to shoot. And then the captain is all "please don't shoot." The team leaves, even though Titanium is all "I AM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET."

The Rangers are all "WTF, Captain." And then he says "because he's my son."

Oh, Dana, what a way to find out that your brother is alive.

SERIOUSLY, HOW IS THIS SO GREAT??????

Fish: 1.5 THIS IS SO GREAT. (But seriously, that is the worst security EVER.)

Episode 348 - Rising From Ashes

LESS THAN TWO WEEKS UNTIL MEGAFORCE! Which means we should take this time to plug !

Anyway. Apparently this episode is about Joel and trains. Well, at least its not a bus. Somewhere, Sheldon is clapping his hands in excitement. Of course, when I think of trains, I think of either Shining Time Station or Wee Sing Train. (You have no idea how many times my brother made me watch that.)

ANYWAY.  I guess I should talk about the actual episode instead of finding things to link on youtube.

The scientists are working on some sort of train, and they use a floppy disc, which is adorable, and somehow that completes a project. I'm not sure how the schematics being designed automatically create whatever train it is, but... sure. Meanwhile, the villains are all "Let's bring back some dead monsters." Isn't it a little early for that?

Joel hits on Ms. Fairweather, and she tells him she's off to go look at the volcano, and he tells her to relax. She's all "You mean with you" and he claims he doesn't mean that but... I doubt it. (He does have a point though, she is working really hard!)

Ms. Fairweather's team inspects the volcano, while the villains laugh maniacally. Apparently the volcano is still heating up, and something alive is coming up from under the ground. The team is called in to deal with a volcano, and they rush out in their train zords. Unfortunately, Ms. Fairweather gets trapped inside the volcano cave when the entrance collapses.

The Rangers fight the resurrected monster, and it snaps their sword. Bansheera demands another monster be resurrected, and Vypra is all pleased that the Queen's powers are growing.

Captain Awesome is not being quite as awesome, as he's failing to get that Ms. Fairweather is in trouble, and then the Megazord loses all power. The Captain orders an evacuation of the Zords so they can go rescue Ms. Fairweather, since that's the only way to save the zords. Um. Maybe there should be some redundancy in the job, like, other people to take over in emergency? What happens if she has the flu?

The Rangers find her team, and there's a lovely unmorphed fight against the cute little mooks, and Joel heads off to rescue Ms. Fairweather by himself. Which he manages to do.

Ms. Fairweather is all "reserve power should be back online by now" and then runs off in the jeep so that she can do the science thing and save the day. They just need to buy some time. Now that the Rangers are back in the Zords, that's the cue for the monsters to come back and fight some more.

She yells for the super train program to come online, which... creates the zords out of nothing? Was there a construction project? How did this happen so quickly? Why am I trying to apply logic to this? Anyway. The Rangers breaks the megazord back into parts and goes back to the rail rescues, and then they launch themselves into the air.

So then they get a GIANT NEW ZORD. It is very large. I mean, it towers over the monsters. I...well... it's a train? They are all really impressed.  It is pretty cool that the zord towers over the monsters. I mean, they should just step on the monster.

Unfortunately, when they try and shoot the guns there's a power overload, so they can't use the guns again. Instead, they supercharge turbines. If power overload was a problem, then using something supercharged might not be a good idea. (Yep!) And somehow that makes computers explode back at base. But it works and the monster blows up, and everyone is happy... until the fire nation volcano attacks. But the train has FREEZE MISSILES, so its going to freeze the volcano. My suspension of disbelief only goes so far, show, and you are seriously pushing it.

So Joel is sulking on a couch, when Ms. Fairweather comes in. She thanks him for saving her life. Then she makes a speech about getting wrapped up in her work, and then she invites him to dinner. He's all "YES, DATE." And it turns out he has a framed picture of her.

He shows up at the galley with roses and in an ugly suit, but she's invited everyone. I actually feel bad for him there, a little. That was way harsh.

Fish: Five. NOTHING WORKS LIKE THAT.

Episode 347 - Go Volcanic

Today on Power Rangers, Dana is smart!

So Dana has created a device that will measure volcanic activity. Apparently she is a geologist. And in med school. And a ranger. She is probably really really tired. Anyway, she needs a ride but the others are out with the only vehicle in the whole base, so she decides to utilize public transit.

Apparently Mariner Bay has really good public transport? She doesn't seem to have a long wait, the bus looks clean, and it's not crowded. Of course, there is a Shady Individual there. He has a bag full of money that he flashes and Dana is appropriately suspicious.

The bad guys are setting up shop in the core of the volcano. Seems like a good place. 

It's causing seismic activity all over the place, of course, and the bus driver taking Dana up there says they have to turn around. Shady Individual pulls a gun and hijacks the bus, though. Like, a GUN. It's surprising. Anyway, Dana attacks him because she is determined to get control back and bring the other passengers to safety. Because that's what you do when you're awesome. Bus Driver doesn't handle this well and manages to go half off the bridge, sending Shady Individual out the door and dangling over a long fall onto sharp rocks. Dana attempts to save him, because that's what you do, and her dad tries desperately to get in touch with her.

The other rangers head out to help because they know something is wrong. She tries to pull the guy back into the bus while the other passengers rush to the back of the bus in an attempt to level it out with weight. Dana can't hold him much longer, so a little old lady rushes in to help, then the bus driver. It is surprisingly suspenseful for Power Rangers! I am really actually excited for this bit. They get him back in, of course, but as they do so the bus starts to go right off the bridge. Luckily the other rangers show up just in time and Joel flies in to catch them and place them safely back on the road..

We have seen so little of the bad guys, I actually forgot there was a monster causing all this distress. Then the show reminds me. Dana's seismic activity monitor is going nuts and she says the volcano is about to erupt and they have to stop it. Apparently they have to take the bus up there? But the bus driver is injured and can't drive. Dana confirms. Nobody else apparently knows how to drive, except Shady Individual, who used to be a bus driver. He puts the gun back in the bag and slides it away and then takes the wheel, driving them all to safety. And is apparently redeemed.

The rangers morph and go fight the three-headed volcano monster that has had a total of 2 minutes air time in the whole episode. It's boring.

Shady Individual talks about his time as a bus driver. He used to enjoy it. He liked having people trust him. Old Lady gives him a thumbs up. Injured Bus Driver claps him on the shoulder reassuringly. Shady Individual manages to avoid crashing into a bunch of rocks. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A THING. SHOW. WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME THIS?

Monster I Forgot About grows and all the toys come out and I'm kind of whatever about the whole thing. 

Back at the station, Shady Individual has brought the bus safe and sound to where it belongs. Everybody congratulates the rangers and Dana says Shady Individual is a hero too. He doesn't think so but the passengers all think so. Meanwhile the cops come rolling in because they want to arrest Shady Individual. Dana speaks up for him and Old Lady hands over the bag and the cops agree to take that into account during sentencing. At least he's still arrested and he agrees he should pay for his crimes and he'll be okay after that.

5 fish. This episode was just ridiculous. I am glad we got a less monster-centric/fight-centric episode. But it was an odd episode.

Episode 346 - Up to the Challenge

Hey, it's 2013! We live! Time for recaps and hopefully an actual schedule! So today we have an episode about Chad and Kelsey as BFFs! Yay!

we open with a lovely underwater diving scene, and then Chad waking up Kelsey for breakfast. He's an early riser, apparently, and she doesn't get it. She's grumpy, because morning. Although to be fair, I would also wake up early to swim with fish. But maybe not every day. That's overkill. And also I hate waking up early.

So Chad is going to teach Kelsey something new, and seriously, most adorable. Meanwhile, the villains are plotting something I don't particularly care about, because can we get back to how adorable Chad and Kelsey are?

Anyway, the new thing that Chad is teaching Kelsey is Tai Chi at the VR Troopers temple of Ryan angst. She's bad at it, and would much rather be skateboarding. He's all "well, inner calm! You could need it!" And then she blows up at him and he rambles apologies at her and MOST ADORABLE and they mock fight.

Then some asshat shows up on a motorcycle, who recognizes them as the Power rangers. Chad introduces them, and the guy is all "and I bet you suck" and challenges them to a fight. Kelsey encourages Chad to fight, but Chad is all "I don't need to prove myself to anyone" because he has inner calm and is also great.

So, totally a downside of public identities. I wonder how many barfights the public ID rangers get into when they get attacked by drunk assholes who just want to say they fought a Power Ranger. WHO IS WRITING ME THAT FIC.

Anyway, the guy attacks him, and Chad totally schools him and knocks him down. Asshole's girlfriend is not impressed at all, and then Chad and Kelsey have to run off to help a battle.

Some nonsense happens with zords and a rescue (and seriously, are there really no police or emergency workers at ALL in this city?) and Kelsey does some stunt that has Carter give her helmet a noogie. Then a monster shows up.

Asshat is on his bike somewhere and he sees the fight. The monster goes into some building and Kelsey is now "AND I SHOOT THINGS NOW" and Chad is all "USE YOUR BRAINS, KELSEY" and then the building explodes. Oops.

Kelsey is injured and is all "oh, is that what you meant by not getting over excited?" and then she passes out dramatically in Chad's arms. Meanwhile, asshole guy spies on the monsters and then he's all "I want to learn how to destroy the Blue Ranger from you" and then Vypra does some spell and he calls her MISTRESS and has glowy eyes and THIS IS GREAT. (He so has a crush on Chad.)

Kelsey is still unconscious and Chad is blaming himself. Joel points out that nobody can stop Kelsey. Because Kelsey.

Asshole guy (Brian, apparently) challenges Chad to a fight while the other three Rangers go to fight the monster.

Vypra watches Brian train, while Chad shows up and is like "I'm going to get you out of here" and Brian attacks Chad. We get some GREAT unmorphed fighting. (This is why you should hire martial artists, show. Didn't Chad train Jacob from Twilight or something?)

Meanwhile, Ms. Fairweather catches Kelsey trying to go help. She knows better than to try and stop Kelsey, and instead gives her a new toy. Kelsey hugs her and calls her Ms. F. (AND I SHIP THEM NOW) and Ms. Fairweather starts to tell Kelsey to be careful, and instead switches to "try and bring it back in one piece." BECAUSE SHE KNOWS KELSEY SO WELL.

Kelsey brings the new toy to rescue the other Rangers (who are tied up with tentacle things)  and we go back to the Chad vs Brian fight. WHICH IS GREAT. Vypra is all disappointed that Brian sucks. Chad extends his hand to Brian to get him away, but Chad is grabbed by Batlings instead. Brian suddenly has a crisis of conscience about fighting Chad (and seriously, Vypra, why not just kill Chad yourself?) and attacks the Batlings instead.

Chad and Brian become friends and Chad tells him he doesn't have to prove himself to anyone, and then Chad goes to show up to fight the monster. Monster blows up and... no zord fight? REALLY? YAY.

Later, Chad and Kelsey are doing tai chi again, and Brian is teaching little kids martial arts. Kelsey is impressed. Now Kelsey is all "I have to teach YOU something now" and then Chad is confronted by a hot girl (who hits a tennis ball at them). Kelsey decides she will teach Chad to talk to girls. Honey, I'm not so sure he's interested. STILL. ADORABLE.

Fish: 2!

Episode 345 - Cyborg Rangers

Welcome back, dear readers! We've had a (mostly) refreshing break and are excited to get back to regular recapping!

We start right off with an attack. Usually that doesn't bode well for an episode, but considering this deals with Cyborgs (I'm going off the title here), I'm going to remain hopeful.

So the rangers fight the most adorable little bad guys ever (TINY WINGS OMG I LOVE THESE GUYS) and a big spikey monster thing. It's like a hedgehog on crack. The Rangers lie defeated, injured and in pain, when suddenly a NEW set of Rangers walks up and starts fighting. Their suits are a little different and there are pneumatic noises on the soundtrack every time they move.

The human rangers walk up to their colour counterparts and try to introduce themselves, but get ignored. A snivly little mostly bald man steps out of a car and says his rangers are cyborg rangers. He's snooty and I don't like him. Especially since he's WRONG. These are not cyborgs. Cyborgs contain both biological and artificial parts, usually robotic but sometimes not. These beings are NOT biological at all. They are strictly mechanical/robotic. Therefore they are ROBOT Rangers, not cyborg Rangers.

Captain Awesome Mitchell is wondering who made them when General McKnight says he commissioned them as a secret to replace the "kids". The "kids" don't take too kindly to that idea and I can't really blame them. They are asked to hand over their morphers and Chad initially resists, because he is awesome, but he relents his silent protest. General McWrong is very sure of himself.

At the Bad Guy ship, the bad guys can't quiet the sad little alien baby who needs his mother. I still kind of like this kid.

Ms. Fairweather is impressed with the cyborgs ROBOTS, but she is certain they will fail because they lack Heart. Somewhere, Ma-Ti is pumping his fists in triumph.

And she's right, of course. They take on their next fight and initially do well, but we all know how this will turn out.

I'm not entirely sure why snivly guy needs to stand so close to the fight. Surely if he has the technology to build such impressive robots, they would have the technology to use long range networking or radio control. They really should have had a gamer work on this script...

The robots go up in an epic explosion and Chad, Carter, and Dana want to go help. Because that's what heroes DO! Joel (I hate him) says they shouldn't go because it isn't their job anymore. I want to smack him. Meanwhile, the robot rangers get up and turn on their snivly creator. Even the self destruct button won't work. They are intent on destruction. Luckily the rangers didn't listen to Joel because they show up just in time to save snivly doctor guy. And Captain Awesome Mitchell shows up to throw them their morphers.

The robots assure them resistance is futile but they refuse to listen and kick ass. Meanwhile, the bad guys do nothing to attack the city or the rangers in their distracted state, proving they are the worst at being bad guys. No, they wait until all the robot rangers have been defeated and THEN they go attack the rangers. Who win because they have the most toys. (and okay, I do sort of love that the red zord attaches itself by grabbing hold and just kind of sitting on top, almost like he's pulling on a pair of trousers)

Back at the base, General McWrong apologizes for underestimating them and their HEART. He says Captain Mitchell made five wise choices (daawwwww)

2.5 fish. Aside from the constant calling them cyborgs when they CLEARLY ARE NOT, this wasn't too bad.