Episode 288 - Mission to Secret City

So, the Rangers get some sort of weird readings in the warehouse district, so Andros, TJ, and Cassie go down to investigate. Turns out the Psychos are all ghosts, so they're giving off weird readings, but they're passing right through the rangers. Ghost psychos are good! They should fight the Gobusters when that gets adapted. Please, Saban, please.

Carlos is hanging out with future Ranger Silvy, because we need an inappropriately young friend, and Ashley a) feeds Andros, and b) teaches him to use chopsticks. The others are trying so hard not to laugh. If I didn't dislike Andros/Ashley so much, I would find that adorable. Instead, I will coo at how adorable Carlos is with Silvy, because awwww.

Meanwhile, monster shows up, and starts making people vanish. Bulk tries to threaten him with a toaster (he thinks it's a raygun, okay?) but he gets vanished, along with Carlos, Andros and Silvy. The other Rangers fight the monster, and somehow their suits block his rays or whatever. He heads out, leaving them to go back to the ship and try and figure out what to do.

In alternate dimension land, we get a gratuitous shot of Carlos' ass. I approve. Carlos is so concerned about future Ranger, Silvy! Awwww. Ecliptor and the Quantrons show up and start rounding people up. Carlos and Andros try to morph, but they discover that their powers are useless. Without their morphers, Carlos and Andros get beaten up. (And Andros gets separated from his morpher, which Silvy picks up, because she's smart.)

ALSO, IS THAT CHAINS ON CARLOS'S WRISTS? THIS IS ESSENTIAL TO POINT OUT.

Silvy hands the morpher over to Carlos and is all "yeah, your friend dropped something, and also, I totally figured out he was a Ranger. Because I am the smartest." How much do I love Silvy? SO MUCH.

Meanwhile, the girls and TJ plan to get taken, and they have some sort of special packs which lets them bring in their weapons, but I am slightly distracted because QR and I are horrible and want fic where Silvy grows up to hit on Carlos repeatedly. He is nice and turns her down, so then she has a threesome with Justin and Fred Kelman instead.

Cassie uses the tech that they've brought in to figure out what's jamming the signal, and then we get some more unmorphed fighting. Andros, Carlos and Silvy sneak off, and Silvy promises Andros that she'll keep her mouth shut. Seriously, stop worrying, she already knows about Carlos.

Silvy suggests Andros use a different button on his morpher, but he says it's too dangerous, and instead uses regular mode, which allows him to break the chains on his and Carlos's wrists. I am sad about this. Carlos then gets blasted by a monster, and Andros presses the button again, and his fist glows red. While the fight is going on, TJ and Cassie (and Cassie's glasses are adorable) are disabling the device, but then they nearly get thrown off a building. But TJ is great and he blows that shit up even while they're dangling off the side.

Silvy watches the fight, and since she is the smartest, she hits the button that on Andros's morpher that he said was too dangerous, which gets him the fugly super-muscled battlizer mode (with wings). SILVY IS GREAT AND KNOWS MORE ABOUT THE POWER THEN ANDROS DOES. Andros flies to catch TJ and Cassie, who are like "what." Ashley looks at him and is like "hot." Ashley, honey, I don't even know.

Andros' new toy comes with a shield and some missiles and I'm sure all the tiny children want to buy it or whatever, and since TJ blew stuff up, the others can morph anyway and fight. Andros plays with some more new toys and he fights him from the air, and then blows him up.
Andros thanks Silvy for being great, and she's so smug and adorable. Then the monster grows, and the bigger toys come out to play, and I really am out of interesting ways to describe a zord fight. Toy comes down and kicks the monster a little, and then the monster gets knocked down. Then they blast the monster and then shoot a missile at it. Seriously, that was boring just to type.

Once they beat the monster, Astronema sends them back to their own reality, and Carlos is concerned because SILVY IS STILL THERE. And OH NOES. Because SILVY. She is GREAT. But they shouldn't worry, because Silvy, Bulk and Skull are all in the secret city, and they can handle anything.

Episode 287- Andros and the Stowaway

So we start the episode with a tiny alien that is running from a bigger alien. It mostly looks like Bigger Alien is just playing a game with Tiny Alien, but whatever. They are the fakest aliens I have ever seen. Andros comes across Tiny Alien. He determines Tiny Alien is afraid, scares him out of a tree, and catches him on the way down. Bigger Alien introduces himself, accuses Andros of stealing, and fights ensue. Andros grabs Tiny Alien and the big alien runs away. Andros ensures his safety and the leaves the CLEARLY A BABY to his own devices. Tiny Baby Alien runs after Andros, however.

It sneaks it's way onto the MegaShip and scares Ashley. It's not a very good stowaway. Stowaways are supposed to hide, but whatever. Ashely names him Seymour. Somehow Seymour speaks English and ends up eating ALL THE THINGS. This, of course, gives him a stomach ache. Andros sits by his side all night. DAWWWWW.

Big Alien goes to Astronema to get his Tiny Alien back. He will agree to turn the Power Rangers to stone if she can help him get Tiny Alien back

Andros wakes up at the hospital bed to discover Tiny Alien Seymour is not so tiny any longer. He's as big as Andros now. Bigger Alien has gone down to Angel Grove to draw the rangers to him. Bigger Alien demands Seymour be given back. Ashley notices a resemblance between the two, but everybody ignores her. There is lots of fighting, which Seymour sees.

Back on the ship, Andros is looking for Seymour, but he's nowhere to be found. He's gone down to Earth because he made a mistake. The rangers are his friends now and he knows they're in trouble with Bigger Alien because of him. Bigger Alien finds him, compliments him on how much he's grown, and says Seymour is going with him. Andros comes by in the nick of time and take Seymour away with him. He tries to reassure Seymour and brings him a cookie, which Seymour splits. DAWWWW.

Except then Andros and Bigger Alien have to fight again because he's not going away without Seymour. The other rangers show up and there is a clearly-Sentai-footage battle to be fought. Bigger Alien manages to get a shot in at Andros' feet, turning them to stone, and Seymour steps in to help. Bigger Alien catches him and puts him in a pocket. The Rangers won't leave Seymour, though, and convince him he's strong and can fight the Bigger Alien. Boring battle ensues and this is really about the dumbest episode I think I've ever seen on Power Rangers. Which is saying something, because we did make it through the entirety of Turbo.

They win. Seymour is free to go so they take him home. He meets a girl. IT'S REALLY DUMB, OKAY? I JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER ALREADY. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BLEACH FOR MY BRAIN TO ERASE THIS STUPID THING.

5 fish. OMG IT WAS SO BAD.

Episode 286- The Enemy Within

So today, Dark Specter is running out of time. Astronema's plan is working BEAUTIFULLY. She is so awesome.

The Rangers are still trying to find the MegaVoyager. They aren't having much luck. Meanwhile, the Psychos are starting to rebel against Astronema. They want to destroy the rangers and she won't let them yet. The Rangers think they found something and Zhane convinces them it's a trap and he should go in alone. He's such a cocky badass. He's right though. It's totally a trap. Luckily the others listened to him and are sneaking in the back.

The Psychos are kind of dumb, for a change, and don't bother to COUNT the rangers. One ranger controlling one zord. The other five are sneaking in and getting their zords back. Mind, Zhane might be cocky, but he's not that brilliant either because he didn't count the Psychos. Yellow isn't fighting. She's waiting by the zords. Because she booby trapped them and now they won't work for the rangers. DUH. They manage to get them back and combine ("and the penis goes through the hole") only to have Psycho Yellow take control of the zords.

Zhane is caught in his zord and tied up. Again. Yay for more bondage! The rangers are about to get their asses handed to them when Ecliptor pulls Psycho Red back. They have an epic battle (is it possible for Ecliptor to have a battle that isn't epic? I don't think it is). Ecliptor hands him his ass instead, before he runs away and goes back to the ranger battle. He pulls Andros out and they fight. On a tranquil countryside by a small lake with some waterfalls. It's really quite pretty. The fight is kind of boring though. Andros wins, just barely, with the help of Alpha and the Megaship. They break the hold of the virus and Psycho Yellow loses control, letting the rangers have their zords back.

Psycho Red tries to beat them, but Psycho Black stops him. There is infighting. Psycho Red ruins the whole plan. They set Zhane free, unfortunately. He's much better when he's tied up. There is something about energy and absorbing and turning it back on the Psychos and then they destroy the other three psychos and... what the fuck? This is freaking RIDICULOUS. Like, I have no clue what's going on. TSB and I remember this story arch being MUCH better than this.

Astronema nearly had Dark Specter destroyed. She's on her own side, though, and she's still determined to take out everybody and rule everything. Andros, meanwhile, is going to bed when he sees a shadow. Psycho Red is on the ship... except it's not Psycho Red. It's Zhane. In a suit. Who got the shit beaten out of him by Andros for scaring him. Oh Zhane. Not funny.

5 fish. This was just... bad.

Episode 285 - Silence is Golden

The episode begins with Andros and TJ crossing the Blue Psycho off the big board. I love big boards! They're so much fun. Andros is worried that this is the calm before the storm or something. Back on Earth, Cassie is shopping. This just makes me really want to write the fic where Kim takes all the Pink Rangers shopping. Poor Cassie has allergies, which is sad. :(

Meanwhile, the Psychos are memorizing the Rangers' voices. Astronema tells them not to kill the Rangers, but to capture them instead, no matter how much energy it takes. Ecliptor tells her that its risky, but she's sure that her awesomeness will carry through. I approve!

Seriously, if Astronema would just carry out her own plans instead of delegating, she'd have conquered Earth already.

The Psychos go down to Earth and turn into humans and they start scanning around Angel Grove, listening for the Rangers' voices. Psycho Red is pretty hot. WE ARE SO OLD. This is the days before cell phones, so Ashley is using a pay phone. She's talking about getting a gift for her dad. Psycho Yellow immediately goes after Ashley, but instead gets the woman in the phone booth after her. I am really not sure how they got there after Ashley had left the booth. They seemed to be moving fairly quickly. Ashley hears the woman scream, and then overhears the Psychos explain about the voices. Ashley heads back to the Megaship, leaving Cassie behind, and they have to figure out how to contact Cassie.

If they could text, this would not be an issue. Instead, we get a pager. Awww, pagers. I seriously feel so old. SO OLD.

Apparently Cassie can't talk, can't use her communicator, and can't morph. Okay, so now I have questions. How do they usually get back to the ship? I'm guessing it's not teleporters. Do they morph and take the Galaxy Gliders? RIDICULOUS. Why can't she go morph in a corner and instantly get out of there? THEY CAN USUALLY DO THAT.

So Cassie is put into situations where she has to talk. She avoids thanking a guy for getting her bags when she forgets them, and she gives a cranky old guy a flower when he demands an apology for her bumping into him. But then she sees a baby carriage nearly get knocked down some stairs so she screams. The baby is saved, but the Psychos are being creepy and corner Cassie.

Then a poorly disguised Zhane clown shows up. What the fuck. He rounds the corner and then suddenly the Psychos hear Cassie's voice and they chase after it. Cassie runs into the rest of the Rangers, and they morph and fight the Psychos and SERIOUSLY, I WOULD LIKE AN EXPLANATION. I'm guessing recordings of Cassie's voice taped from somewhere?

The three psychos turn into even more monstrous forms, because apparently this ridiculousness is what they actually look like, and THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ALCOHOL IN THE WORLD. Then the Psychos grow and I am not giving a shit at this point. The three Psychos are beating up the Megazord so Zhane shows up with another toy.

They thought they'd destroyed the Psychos, but apparently not. Instead, the Psychos try to drag them into a vortex or something. The Rangers are all "We need to abandon ship!" but Andros is pulling a Tommy and is all "WE DO NOT ABANDON OUR ZORDS." Luckily, Adam has clearly warned Carlos about this, because Carlos hits Andros and makes him leave. They escape just as the MegaVoyager gets dragged... somewhere.

Dark Spectre whines to Astronema about his missing powers, and she promises that she's looking into it. Also, Astronema of Borg has hidden the Megazord somewhere, and she starts to tell the Psychos her grand plan.

Fish: FIVE. SPACE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Episode 284 - Five of a Kind

So we open with Dark Spectre being all "Astronema, go be HBIC and attack Earth." That is totally the best way to start an episode.

The Rangers break out the awesome chess set again, and take off the Psycho Pink. Then TJ is all "WAIT. I HAVE FIGURED IT OUT." He realizes that if they keep fighting same colors, they are screwed. Just mix up the colors! Because TJ is brilliant and proving how he is an awesome blue, and doing the strategy thing. GO TJ. This is why he was such an awesome Red Ranger.

So an alarm goes off and they head to fight the Psycho Rangers, with their plan to switch colors on them. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop the Psychos from still going after their counterparts, and soon the battle goes back to color vs color. Then Zhane shows up, late as always. Is this a sixth ranger thing or something?

Psycho Blue scores a lucky hit on TJ, who goes down hard, and it's only Zhane showing up at the last minute that prevents him from getting his head chopped off.

Luckily for TJ, Dark Spectre is all "SOMEONE IS DRAINING MY POWERS NOW" so Astronema has to pull the Psychos back.

TJ wakes up in the med lab, and damn, nice arms. TJ is very sad that his plan didn't work, but everyone is like "YOU STAY IN THE MED LAB. YOU ARE HURT." Also, Cassie looks very worried about him, hovering over his bed, and I ship them so hard.

The Psychos are arguing about why they got pulled back, and they're planning on going after the Rangers with or without Astronema. She is so pleased by this.

CASSIE BRINGS TJ BREAKFAST IN BED AND THERE IS A FLOWER. SHIP THEM SHIP THEM SHIP THEM. ALL THE HURT/COMFORT. ALL OF IT.

Except TJ isn't in bed, he's busy watching the battle to figure out new strategies. Except on the recording, the color suddenly goes out, and TJ comes up with ANOTHER new plan, because he is brilliant. He spraypaints all the pieces on the chess board blue, so they won't know their true colors.

OH MY GOD HE HAS NICE ARMS. Those jackets hide them. BUT DAMN, NICE ARMS.

So all the Rangers go down disguised as blue rangers, and I wonder how they managed to make all their costumes blue. And it's not like they disguise the voices. And with color theory and all, I wonder if the others are uncomfortable wearing blue. And like, how did the girls ditch the skirts? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Yellow Psycho is like "whatever, I'm not even trying. I'll wait until they're done."

Then Silver Psycho appears or something, and he attacks the Rangers, and the Psychos are SO ANNOYED with that. So they attack Psycho Silver, and then Psycho Blue blasts Psychos Red and Black in the back.

Psycho Silver is revealed as Zhane, and the five blue rangers all assemble and Zhane and TJ blast Psycho Blue. Why is Zhane getting to be all awesome? This is TJ's moment of glory! So Psycho Blue gets to grow and the toys show up to battle. And then it's snowing or something? Are they still in California? Why so cold?

(SERIOUSLY, WHY SO COLD. I hate cold.) (QR is mocking me, she loves the cold. She's also wrong.)

Apparently Psycho Blue is trying to freeze them, so they just turn up the heat and the ice melts off the zord, and could I get that system, because SO COLD. I am going to freeze when I go home to NY for two weeks.

So they destroy blue and call Zhane a Psycho and Astronema is like "pfft, one is enough to destroy the Rangers." Astronema threatens the Psychos and is all "Here is the plan" and they are so terrified of her. So great.

The Rangers are all prepping for battle and doing something technical. Whatever it is, it should be awesome.

Andros is busy having a sad about Karone. Look, she's all Of Borg at the moment. And he's being emo. If QR was doing this recap, she'd be a lot more sympathetic. But I am not.

Fish: 2! TJ has a plan! He is great!

Fic we want: TJ is so badass. TJ/Cassie! Lasting effects of wearing the wrong color!

Episode 283- A Rift in the Rangers

Today on Power Rangers, I get some frustration out that I was previously unaware I'd been keeping pent up inside. Thanks, Power Rangers. I feel better now.

So we start off on the MegaShip. Today is "address the mundane" day, apparently. Cassie is studiously cleaning ALL THE THINGS. Andros and Ashley are sitting around eating and Andros gets up, and LEAVES HIS PLATE and all his crumbs everywhere. He is seriously a messy eater. Ashley then asks if Cassie has washed her sheets yet. Seriously Ashley? You ask if CASSIE has washed YOUR sheets?? She then leaves HER plate as well. Apparently Cassie is supposed to do it all herself. AND SHE IS ANGRY ABOUT THIS, RIGHTFULLY SO. Ashley points out that things get dirty again and then you just have to clean them again so what's the point, but YES THIS IS HOW THINGS WORK AND NO THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY TO JUST NOT CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF. Cassie shouldn't be responsible for everything.

Carlos and TJ see this argument and stupidly attempt to break it up. TJ points out they agreed to divide the duties, except nobody but Cassie seems to realize that nobody else is doing their fair share. She's mopping and sweeping and cleaning up the table and the dishes and doing all the laundry and WHAT THE HELL ARE THE BOYS DOING? Seriously, a penis does not automatically exempt you from cleaning. And ASHLEY! You are adult. DO YOUR OWN DAMN LAUNDRY.

Meanwhile, Dark Specter lectures Astronema on time and all I can think about is how he doesn't have time to argue about the time. Psycho Yellow has a plan to destroy the rangers. Astronema is willing to listen, but she doesn't want to destroy them just yet. Instead, Yellow teams up with Pink.

Cassie is still cleaning. Andros asks her to check computer functions. Cassie points out that Ashley is supposed to do that, and she was supposed to mop. She mopped. Ashley didn't do her thing. TJ forcibly sits them down to lecture. He makes them talk about it. Cassie complains about doing all the cleaning and then TJ says they're acting like 2 year old tiny children (except even at 2, my kids knew how to help clean up after themselves). Except Cassie has a legitimate complaint! They all make messes, they should all clean it up. But TJ is determined to solve ALL THE PROBLEMS... which I adore about him.

So they have to stop because there is a fight to be had on Earth, of course, and Psycho Pink is kicking butt. Psycho Yellow is just biding time until the rangers are tired. TJ gets hurt, Cassie blames herself, then tries to protect them. Psycho Yellow uses the distraction to capture Ashley. Cassie blames herself again and is terribly distraught. Honey, none of this is your fault!

Meanwhile, Psycho Yellow is attempting to take the rest of Ashley's powers, but she's going to fight to the very end. Psycho Pink stops her, though, because this was not the game plan. They argue and fight and Ashley begins to see how not good the infighting is. She manages to escape.

Cassie is beating herself up over the argument and losing Ashley, but I still say Cassie was in the right. It's not petty to expect other residents of a place to help clean it. It's just not. It shouldn't all fall to Cassie just because she's a girl or actually does it. ALL the others need to chip in, not just Ashley! It's not hard to clean up after yourself, and if everybody cleans their own messes, the whole place will remain clean and not put undue burden on just one individual. Cassie really ought to be yelling at Carlos, Andros, and TJ as well. They are not allergic to cleaning! There is nothing in the Y chromosome that makes it impossible for boys to clean.

The Psychos almost get Ashley back, but Cassie comes to save her. They bond and make up. It's adorable. Then they kick ass and beat Psycho Pink on their own! Because they are awesome. She grows, using lots of Dark Specter's energy (which makes Astronema very happy), and they have to call out all the toys. But they still basically took her down on their own. Zhane has to come in and be a cocky badass to save the day, because apparently that is Zhane's only role in this show. Psycho Pink is destroyed and now the Psycho rangers are down one. Astronema is not happy.

Back on the MegaShip, everybody finishes up a meal. They all get up to leave and EVERYBODY LEAVES THEIR PLATES. AGAIN. Damn people, just take your freaking plate back to the replicator. This isn't even difficult or time consuming. IT'S EASY. Ashley goes to clean up, and then Cassie tells her it's still her job this week and she doesn't need Ashley's help. AND THEN TJ IS A BADASS AND NEEDS TO TEACH EVERYBODY EVER BECAUSE HE TELLS THE GIRLS TO STOP BECAUSE THE BOYS WILL DO THEIR SHARE AND CLEAN THE MESS. Andros and Carlos aren't happy about it, but TJ is all "Be a man and clean some damn dishes, it won't kill you". Oh TJ. You volunteered to clean. I am SWOONING (seriously, that's about all it takes for me).

4 fish, mostly because Cassie had a valid point most everybody else ignored and she really should have been yelling at ALL of them, not just Ashley.

Episode 282 - Carlos on Call

Psycho Rangers! Epic storyline is epic, yes?

So, previously: Astronema is HBIC with the best plans ever, the Psycho Rangers are terrifying and awesome and kicked the Rangers' butts, and palm pilots are the height of technology or something.

We start off at the Surf Spot, where Carlos and his very nice arms are playing video games. A tiny child watches him. Her mom says hi to Carlos, and apparently she was one of Carlos's teacher. Carlos hangs out with the tiny child while the mom goes to get soda, and she (Silvy) totally creams him in videogames.

Carlos's communicator goes off, and he can't find a place to answer it, so for SOME INSANE REASON he goes into a photobooth and morphs THERE and even though there was NO MONEY IN THE BOOTH, it takes a picture anyway.

SO MANY POINTS for a Ranger finally having a hard time finding a place to morph. SO MANY POINTS.

So apparently the camera went off EXACTLY while Carlos was morphing, and Silvy takes the photos. DUN DUN DUN.

The Rangers battle some monster, and then Andros shoots it and it runs away. Astronema of Borg watches the battle and it turns out that the monster was busy just scanning the Rangers for weaknesses. Astronema lectures the Psychos for underestimating the Rangers strength, but Psycho Yellow is all "nope, you underestimate us."

Carlos gets email from someone saying they know he's the Black Ranger. He assumes its from the Psycho, which is a pretty good guess. Silvy shows up there and is all adorably "What's up? You're slow. I totally know who you are." Then she shows him the picture and Carlos is all FML.

She makes him buy her a ton of shit, and I want her to grow up to be a Power Ranger SO BADLY. She also makes him play a ton of stuff with her. Then she hands him a pager and is all "You'll do what I tell you" and threatens to tell everyone in the park.

Up on the Megaship, everyone is all "you need to put your foot down" but... she has blackmail material. So he goes with her to the carnival. It's a good thing Carlos is honorable and doesn't just STEAL THE PHOTOS BACK. If this took place a few years later, nobody would ever believe her due to photoshop.

She tells him she wants a moon rock, which SHOULDN'T BE THAT HARD FOR YOU, CARLOS, but instead he throws a complete hissy fit. I'm definitely not saying blackmail is right, but this is within your power and it would make her stop and she's 10.

Ashley tells Carlos that there's something he should know, and takes him to see some doctor, who tells them all about Silvy's family, where apparently she had an older brother who DIED, and they ACTUALLY SAY DIED ON POWER RANGERS. WHAT. A CHILD. TWELVE YEARS OLD. THEY SAY A CHILD DIED. Apparently Silvy and her brother wanted to be astronauts, and they were going to get a moon rock. Carlos flips out and immediately goes to get a moon rock, and Silvy pages them because a monster has shown up.

YOU GUYS, THIS SHOW USED DIED. I DON'T EVEN KNOW. POWER RANGERS, FOR REAL. Also, Silvy is the smartest, and I still want her to be a Power Ranger.

The Rangers all show up and fight the monster and it grows so they shoot it some more. That's pretty great. Then they get the other Zords to come fight and blow up the monster.

Astronema is annoyed because the Psychos are going after the Rangers, and she doesn't want them to destroy the Rangers until SHE wants them to. But Psycho Red grabs Silvy and there's a pretty great fight scene of Rangers vs Psycho Red. (Silvy watches from behind the tree, and is pretty great). Psycho Red is about to kill Andros, but Psycho Black shows up to attack Psycho Red because he wants to be the leader. Good thing too.

Astronema is pissed at the Psychos for letting their dick swinging contest get in the way of her plan. Her new plan is to have them attack one Ranger at a time, with pink going first.

Carlos walks Silvy home, and she gives him the photos back. She apologies, and is a very smart child. They agree to be friends (and one day she asks him for advice when she's the black ranger) and he gives her a moon rock. THEN he gives her a ride in space. CUTEST EVER.

HOW DOES SHE BREATHE IN SPACE, WHAT.

Silvy says she doesn't want to be an astronaut anymore, she wants to be a Power Ranger. I APPROVE, TINY CHILD.

Fish: 3. So seriously, how does she breathe in space? And why did the photobooth go off with no money in it?

Fic we want: can we get an entire episode of Carlos just holding babies and hugging tiny children or something?

Episode 281 - Rangers Gone Psycho

Today on Power Rangers,

So we start off with a battle. There is screaming. And a weird owl monster thing. It's... not pretty. Nor is it exciting. Nor does it bode well for this episode. They win, of course.

Back on the ship, Andros has a sad. He can't stop staring at his locket. Because he misses his sister. Again. He flash backs to talking to her about missing her, and getting to know her, and how they have all the time in the world. Except they don't because she's evil again. Poor Andros. Ashley manages to talk him into taking a break back on Earth. Adelle gives them heaps of food, but Carlos is awesome and remembers to say "thank you".

They overhear a girl playing with her little electronic organizer. It sounds just like the communicators and all I could think was how super awesome it was at the time, and how super clunky and huge it looks compared to today's tech. Then they get distracted by a news report. There was an attack at a building and the news reporter sees the rangers, and asks them what happened. Except it's not the rangers! They attack the reporter.

The real rangers end up on the scene and there is an epic battle of ranger vs ranger. This is super awesome! The Psycho Rangers are GOOD. It is one amazing battle. They end up wearing really cool armour before introducing themselves. Faster, stronger, BETTER. And EVIL. It's super intense.

Zhane does not have a psycho ranger equivalent, though, and rushes in just in time to save them. The Psycho Rangers vanish, but not before taking some energy from the real rangers. Astronema is sure this is the only way to beat the real rangers. This is actually a really good plan of hers.

The real rangers can't figure out what's going on. They don't know who the psycho rangers are, where they came from, how to find them. They don't know how to beat them. And it's really clearly bothering them.

The Psycho Rangers are taken in by the sound of the little address storage device. They keep attacking humans to no avail. The real rangers can't figure out why random people are being attacked. Luckily Zhane is still on Earth. Or not so luckily, because the Psycho Rangers find him and capture him. Oh Zhane, you're so pretty when you're tied up.

They've taken him to the old library (apparently there is a new one?) and it's a total disaster. Seriously. Wouldn't they have moved all that stuff to the new library? Anyway, Zhane is still tied up and is very pretty. The real rangers can't get through a force field, though, and aren't allowed to morph. So Andros comes up with a plan, because he has to get his boyfriend back. He uses a remote controlled car to distract them and they fall for it (running like I don't even know what... who the heck pulls their knees up to their chest while running?). The rangers get in and rush to Zhane. Who is delightfully tied up! There should be more Zhane and bondage in this show.

There is a big battle between the rangers and the psycho rangers, because of course they knew the rangers were there. They're evil, not stupid! Though I can see how it would be easy to make that mistake in this show...

The battle is once again epic but the psycho's get called back before they can completely destroy the rangers. But not before there is MAJOR damage to the rangers. Zhane escapes just in time to SEE THEM FALL. Like, hardcore fall. So he rushes to Andros (boyfriends!) and helps them back to the ship.

Astronema has the BEST PLAN EVER. She is going to use the psycho rangers to drain the power from Dark Spectre while they simultaneously destroy the power rangers. This will leave her free to be in charge of everything. SHE IS FREAKING BRILLIANT. I LOVE HER SO MUCH IT'S AMAZING.

Episode 280 - Dark Specter's Revenge - Part 2

WE LIVE. I handed in my thesis, so now we will have the time of GREAT PANIC while I wait on results.

So we continue with the Megazords trying to push an asteroid out of the way while people on Earth panic. Just as it's entering Earth's atmosphere Zhane shows up with another Zord and somehow that is enough to get it out of the atmosphere without the asteroid breaking up at all (wtf is this thing made of, anyway?) and they push it back into space and whatever, I am not going to argue with the science, but I wonder what the Bad Astronomer would have to say about that.

Zhane gets all the hugs, and he tells them that the rebels built the ship. The Rangers fill Zhane in on the whole Astronema = Karone thing, and Zhane is all "I knew there was something good about her!" and offers to go with Andros to find her, saying he has an interest in Karone as well. You can clearly see the "oh shit, I've got a thing for my boyfriend's sister" on Zhane's face, and also Andros is concerned when Zhane says he has an interest.

Zhane and Andros follow a solitary tie fighter to a space station, and Andros and Zhane continue the "you went on a date with my sister!" "JUST ONE DATE?" thing and AHAHAH awesome, but boys, this is SO NOT THE TIME to figure out your poly relationships.

So the boys steal some Quantrons uniforms, and they're a little short to be storm troopers, and really, show, you're making this too easy.

They find Astronema and take off the helmet, only to find that she's been all Borgified, and she calls Ecliptor to attack them. There's a pretty great fight, and there's no way they're going to win and escape with Astronema, so they end up retreating, leaving her in her brainwashed and Borgified state.

This is pretty epic, seriously.

They end up stealing some velocifighters to escape, and they make it back to the Megaship, and Andros has the biggest sad.

Meanwhile, Bulk, Skull and the Professor had some hijinks where they thought they made it to another planet, but nope, still on Earth. Oh, and then they get attacked by a monster. Luckily, there are Power Rangers to the rescue. Including Zhane in his new toy.

Hey, points for a very bondagey fight.

And then the Rangers give Bulk, Skull, and the Professor a ride on their galaxy gliders. ADORABLE.

Meanwhile, the Borg Princess kicks Darkonda out. And Andros, and Zhane are trying to figure out how to fix Astronema. DUN DUN DUN.

Fish: 2! The science is a little screwy, but EPIC IS EPIC.

Episode 279 - Dark Spectre's Revenge Part 1

Welcome back, dear readers! We've missed you and this blog!

Today on Power Rangers, Astronema is being a Good Girl and Andros is showing her around the ship. Andros shows her the replicator synthetron. He pulls out a plate of the weirdest combination of food and she is totally not hungry.

Which is good because she gets called to the bridge (they call her Karone!), and the others are all standing there looking stern, then they pull a Scrooge and make her an honorary Power Ranger. DAW!

Meanwhile, Ecliptor is having a Terrible Horribly No Good Very Bad Day, what with being assaulted and strapped down to a torture bench (bondage pron!). Darkonda is freaking TERRIFYING. I would not want to be kidnapped by that guy. He reports to Dark Spectre and is totally ready to go get Astronema back from the rangers.

Back on the MegaShip, Karone has rid herself of the awesome coloured hair and is now just regular, blonde, shy Karone in her Ranger jumpsuit. She's cute, but I miss the hair.

And we're back on Earth with Bulk and Skull! They're roasting marshmallows! I LOVE THEM SO! The Professor is stargazing and sees an asteroid and Bulk and Skull assume excitement. Except this is a huge asteroid and it's going to destroy the entire Earth. I think I've seen this movie a few times.

The MegaShip ends up on a collision course with the asteroid. Everyone lurches to the right on cue. Dark Spectre is totally driving that asteroid and demands Astronema be returned. Andros says the first intelligent thing in a long time and says Karone doesn't belong to anybody. DAMN STRAIGHT! They decide to go blow up the super big asteroid. Tiny lasers don't do much damage to it (OMG ACTUAL SCIENCE IN THIS SHOW?!?!?!?! BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!). Darn, where's Bruce Willis (I'd be happy with Morgan Freeman as President as well) when you need him?

TJ is given the explosives to destroy the asteroid while Andros holds back the Quantrons. In this Mega Asteroid Movie, however, nobody is going to die. Because it's Power Rangers Meet the Mega Asteroid. Which is awesome.

And we get MORE actual science, because the explosives do jack shit! The asteroid is still heading to Earth and it's barely damaged and it's HUGE. The rangers scramble to find a solution, when Karone is SUPER AWESOME and finds the only answer. She has to go back to Dark Spectre. It's the only way to stop the asteroid. And she's totally willing to do it because SHE IS THE BEST EVER.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull attempt to sneak into Nasada with the Professor. They need to go tell them about the GIANT FREAKING ASTEROID headed for Earth. Because apparently the super powerful telescopes didn't pick it up, but the amateur telescope did. Whatever, it's a Mega Asteroid movie, so I don't care how implausible that is. But they are warning people! Because they are awesome! And want to help! Good job, guys.

Karone has made it back to Darkonda's ship and is ready to destroy the asteroid. Except she's confronted by Ecliptor who has been altered. He's not totally evil and is going to hurt her! But he can't! He's her fake!Daddy! Oh Ecliptor, honey. He overpowers her and she loses communication with the rangers. All the cries.

Andros doesn't even time to mourn because Nasada is asking for help dealing with the asteroid. They've already tried that, dude! But they're going to try again. Because they're Power Rangers.

Nasada makes a statement to "Angel Grove and the world", further proving Angel Grove is it's own country. He brings up the asteroid crash of 65 million years ago (OMG MORE SCIENCE FOR THE WIN! I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE THE ACCURACY THIS SHOW IS GIVING ME NOW) and how we're looking at more world wide destruction on that scale. The Professor tells everybody to panic, which is horrible advice. Stand up and take your impending demise in stride, people. It will be so much better for you all.

Except the rangers on the case and they use EVEN MORE GOOD SCIENCE by using the MegaZords to push it off course, because THAT is the real life only solution to averting destruction by an asteroid! It doesn't even take much! OH MY GOD THIS SHOW! COULD IT BE ANY BETTER? I DON'T THINK SO! *anime hearts for eyes*

Bulk and Skull and the Professor are going to use a Nasada space ship to go into space. It's... not the best idea? But it's all they have. At least they're trying. So they manage to launch the space ship without any help at all. They hurtle towards the asteroid. The MegaZords are pushing the asteroid at full power. Will they make it?

To be continued...

1 fish. OMG ONE FISH. The actual science in this episode outweighs ANYTHING ELSE that could be wrong with it.

Episode 278 - The Rangers' Leap of Faith

So we start off with the ending of the last episode again. We already saw this! Both sides have valid points, and they need to learn the value of compromise.

Seriously, they're replaying the ENTIRE LAST SCENE. I mean, it's a great scene, but when you only have so long in an episode, do you really want to waste it?

So we finally get to a new scene after the credits, and Karone is tied to a poll in the maintenance bay. Andros shows up to give her some food and I'm just picturing Tommy screaming at the others after this, because... yeah. Andros brings Karone some food, and they have a discussion about trust. Then Karone asks about their parents, and it is very sad, and they start bonding over that. Apparently they stayed up talking and slept in there.

When they approach the planet, Andros springs the news on the others that it has to look like Astronema captured them. Maybe you should have mentioned that in advance, Andros.

Astronema contacts Dark Spectre and he's all "I'm so proud of you" and then lowers the force field. Rangers in chains, you guys. :D

As soon as possible, the Rangers remove their chains, and TJ starts issuing orders. Once a red...

Fighters stop by, and Astronema is all "What, they're escorts" and the Rangers do not look happy. Andros escorts Astronema off the bridge while TJ pilots and looks all badass.

TJ doesn't like it and decides to ditch the escorts, which um, is BEYOND STUPID. Because now you have advertised that Astronema isn't there, and also for all you know, they WERE leading you there.

The ship gets hit by lightning and there's smoke and darkness and all super dramatic, and then they crash. TJ, I adore you, but that was STUPID.

For a planet with such an unstable atmosphere, the planet looks very nice.

Andros runs back to check on Karone, and she has apparently ditched her chains and left the ship. TJ takes this as confirmation that she was leading them into a trap, and Andros refuses to believe it. They go exploring and run into Darkonda and the Pirahnatrons. Time to morph!

The other Rangers distract things while they yell for Andros to go find Zordon, and Karone grabs Andros while the others are all getting captured. Ecliptor shows up but he can't hurt Astronema, so he tells them to just go on. Darkonda then attacks Ecliptor and calls him a traitor, and he manages to capture him.

Andros and Karone comes upon Zordon's warp tube, and DUN DUN DUN, it turned out to actually be a trap. That was actually Dark Spectre in there, and the rangers are all captured. Astronema tells Dark Spectre that her trap worked perfectly, and he tells her to destroy them, and then teleports out. She tells Darkonda to destroy them, and then right before he's about to, she blasts him in the back and lets the other Rangers escape.

There's a fight scene, and it looks like the Rangers will get caught again, but Ecliptor comes to the rescue, and he tells Karone and the others to go, even though she yells that she can't leave him. She loves her surrogate daddy! The Rangers escape.

Dark Spectre gives Darkonda control of the dark fortress, but only until Astronema returns. Dark Spectre says he has plans for Astronema and Ecliptor, that will ensure they never stray again.

Back on the bridge of the Megaship, TJ leads the others in apologizing to Karone. She tells them that she's never had friends, and that she hopes that one day they'll believe that she doesn't want to hurt them. They tell her that they believe her right now, and also, now she has five friends. Ashley grabs her hand and seriously looks like she's about to kiss it. I feel this is relevant to people's interests.

End episode with Alpha saying the gesture of friendship is so beautiful.

Fish: 2! The plans and crosses and betrayals all worked out pretty nicely.

Episode 277- Astronema Thinks Twice

Today on Power Rangers, it's Astronema's turn to have a sad.

She's wandering around Earth as the memories start to come back to her. She won't let go of the locket and part of her remembers being snatched as a child, a little boy chasing after her, but she doesn't want to. She's so conflicted! And she plays it SO WELL.

Andros finds her and confronts her, because he knows she remembers. He thinks if he can just get her to see, she'll accept him and the goodness still inside her. She attacks instead and runs away, but I can't really blame her. She's confronting the fact that her whole life up to that point has been a lie. That's a big deal.

Darkonda delights in the conflict. Ecliptor is not so happy that Darkonda is having fun tearing apart his Adopted Daughter. He's going to take care of that for her, and get rid of Darkonda once and for all. Or, well, that's the plan anyway. The battle is amazing and Darkonda actually tries to run away, but Ecliptor will have none of it. He is determined to take care of this problem for Karone. Unfortunately, Darkonda cheats and forces Ecliptor to join with him again. Ecliptor escapes, barely, and Darkonda gets away again. Ecliptor screams out Darkonda.

Darkonda is counting down his lives and requests Dark Spectre destroy Ecliptor for him. Yeah, that's soooo not happening.

Astronema confronts Ecliptor about her brother, and Ecliptor explains that he was made to be evil, but she was born to be good. It's only because of him that she is who she has become. Except that Ecliptor isn't really evil! He loves! He has a heart! He cares deeply! He will do whatever it takes to save those who matter to him! He's only evil because he thinks that's what he has to be! Oh Ecliptor, I adore you and your poor tortured story. Astronema loves him and is determined to remain evil for him, so she sends a monster after Andros.

This show could benefit from an Adopted Dad Logan tumblr. Just saying.

She goes to watch the fight and is once again torn by emotions. Andros is getting the snot beat out of him, and he loses his morpher, which she manages to grab. She could save him, but she's not sure yet if she should and OMG THIS SHOW! ALL MY LOVE FOR THIS SHOW. She throws him his morpher and walks away, while he morphs and saves himself from the monster she sent to him (and then the others show up and there is all the toys and yada yada yada I don't care about this part).

I freaking ADORE these episodes. This is probably the tightest Power Rangers has ever been.

Dark Spectre doubts Astronema. She wants to be evil. He commands her to destroy Andros, knowing who he is. She hesitates, but decides to do it anyway.

Meanwhile, the others are trying to convince Andros that she's still dangerous. He refuses to see it and goes to meet her alone. Astronema tells Andros she'll take him to Zordon. He BELIEVES HER. BECAUSE HE WANTS TO. HE EVEN TAKES HER ON THE SHIP, and the others totally aren't happy with it. And understandably so! She's spent the better part of this season trying to kill them. He defends her, they grudgingly go along with it but only after she gives the coordinates. And now nobody really trusts Andros (and I can't blame them, but I can't blame him either). Oh Andros. Sweetheart. ALL THE CRIES.

Episode 275 - Always A Chance

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, IT IS TIME TO RECAP MY FAVORITE EPISODE!!!!!!

No, seriously. This is my favorite episode. Out of what, 720+ episodes? Yeah, this is my absolute favorite. The one that I have seen more times than any other episode. The one that cemented every single bit of fanon I have about Adam (and you were spared my thoughts when we did Mirror of Regret, although I did go into it a little when we did It Came From Angel Grove

So, I have a lot of fanon about Adam. I know not everyone agrees with my fanon about him, and I've written about some of my thoughts on Adam and power addiction before but hey, any excuse to talk about it again. There will probably be a lot of meta and theories in this, and since this is me discussing this episode, it's going to touch on depression and suicide. So, consider yourself warned.

Anyway, are you excited? Because I'm excited. (No, seriously, I emailed QR this morning in all caps about happy Always a Chance Day. I am possibly a little bit ridiculous.)

So, episode.

We open in some sort of warehouse/science lab thing, where a really ugly monster is sucking the life or something out of scientists and computers. Or stealing their knowledge with his tongue. The Rangers look in the windows and then go in and yell at him. They discover that he can switch places by licking. Um. Ew?

Cue theme song. And what's this AFTER the themesong? OH YES, THAT IS JOHNNY YONG BOSCH'S NAME. I remember waaaaay back when I first saw this episode, I literally fell off the couch when that happened. I mean, yeah, this was 98 so I had internet, but I wasn't in fandom or anything, and I had NO IDEA that JYB was returning. So yeah, there is something to be said about surprises, especially when it gets the actually fell off a couch reaction.

Anyway, Cassie tries to shoot the monster but he tongues her. Carlos tries to help her by attacking, but the monster switches places and thanks Carlos for his help. Cassie apparently has injured her shoulder. Carlos, meanwhile, has the saddest sad in all the land, and that's something, for a season that contains Andros.

Back on the megaship, Cassie is playing checkers with Alpha, and Carlos comes in to apologize to her again, and she's like "look, this sort of thing happens. We're Rangers," and Carlos is having none of it, because he's busy blaming himself for everything. It is possible that I overidentify with Carlos a lot.

They do a really good job with Carlos' guilt here - the Rangers have a lot riding on them, and the pressure not to screw up has to be incredible, especially as everything they're doing is really a matter of life or death. Sometimes we forget that at this point, they are still teenagers. I couldn't handle that amount of stress. But they fight monster after monster without breaking. No wonder they have so many fits of emo.

Some other stuff happens with Astronema and sending a monster down and blah blah. Ugly monster goes after Bulk, Skull and the Professor. Carlos is standing on a bridge posing dramatically and having flashbacks of how he hurt Cassie, when he sees Bulk and the others get attacked. He has a quick freakout, which you can tell by his shaking hand, but he yells at himself to get it together. Also, Carlos is super hot in this episode. He morphs, and tries to beat up the monster, who mocks him again. Carlos is losing pretty badly, and he's going down into a spiral of second guessing everything he does, and then someone flips in and saves the day.

AND LOOK WHO IT IS WHY YES I THINK THAT IS JOHNNY YONG BOSCH. FAVORITE.

EXCEPT ADAM YOUR HAIR WHAT IS THAT I CAN'T EVEN.

So Adam fights the thing UNMORPHED, because he is freaking BADASS LIKE THAT and meanwhile Carlos is being emo but whatever, the monster runs away from Adam. The monster mocks Carlos again about not having friends, and Carlos is just like "YAY MY BOYFRIEND IS BACK."

Carlos explains to Adam that he's been needing a lot of help lately, which um, is not what happened earlier in the episode, but whatever, because EPISODE. Carlos asks Adam for help and how he's second guessing himself, and Adam gives him a lot of good advice about taking chances and believing in yourself, and then explains that he had the same doubts, and then he offers to train him.

The fact that Adam is the one who comes back is super powerful, actually. Of the four Rangers who left in Passing the Torch, he's the only one who really didn't have something major waiting for him. Kat had dance school, Tommy had racing, Tanya has had a recording contract offer since mid-Zeo, and Adam... was working at a stunt show. He was the one who didn't seem as ready to leave, which of course also has to do with JYB and his not being ready to leave. Plus, Adam is the one with the canonical self-esteem issues (thanks, Mirror of Regret, and reasons why I overidentify with Adam for one million.)

Adam still isn't quite ready to give everything up - I mean, why is he in Angel Grove anyway? Why is he hanging out in the abandoned warehouse district where monsters are known to attack?

Anyway, training montage.

Have I mentioned how much I love training montages? And this is an unpopular opinion, but I think Adam is super hot when his hair is pulled back. SUPER HOT. THIS IS IMPORTANT FOR MY LIFE.

Adam and Carlos are sparring while Carlos is blindfolded and hi, Carlos's arms. Those are pretty nice, you should show them off more often. Carlos is having a lot of trouble with thie, but he's blindfolded and fighting Adam, so you know, to be expected.

Unfortunately, it looks like Adam hurt more than he helped, because Carlos gives up completely, says that he's no Power Ranger, and runs off. Adam says Carlos can make his own decisions, but he's clearly going "this is who I gave my powers to?"

Then he asks Alpha if his old morpher still works, because sometimes he wishes he was still a Power Ranger, and Alpha freaks out and is all "Morphing could DESTROY YOU" and Adam laughs nervously, but he rubs the morpher possessively a few times and looks sad.

So. Why does Adam have the morpher? It's been nearly a year since he gave up the powers in show time, and he's still carrying it around? Why would he even think about using something that could kill him.

I have a few theories on that (I am sure you're shocked). First, Adam just wasn't mentally prepared to stop being a Ranger. Holding onto the broken morpher was a way of still being a Ranger, even after he knew he couldn't. And training Carlos just sent the nostalgia and the desire to belong to a team and the desire to feel like he's doing something with his life overboard.

And then there's the other theory, which... is my favorite, personally, but I like angst. I really like the idea of power addiction and power withdrawal, and some sort of depression that hits after you give up the power. The longer you hold the power, the harder it is to give up (see Billy, Kim, and Tommy for other examples).

With Adam, and the ramped up version of what I mentioned earlier about his identity being tied to the power, this was a way to still be a hero, and to go out like one. Not knowing what to do with his life, Adam was ready to die in battle, die a Power Ranger. Whether or not he was fully conscious of it, the way I tend to write him at least was that he was in a serious depressive fit, and then there was the chance to make a difference again. Why would he pass it up? Which was more important, his life, or feeling alive?

I did warn I was going to be ridiculously meta, right?

Back on the megaship, Carlos has quit, because he's afraid of hurting someone again. Oh, honey. Self doubt is a really powerful thing, and Carlos is not doing well at all. In the park, Carlos tells Adam that he quit, and he rubs his wrist where the communicator should be. Nice powerful gesture there.

Adam is like "shit, what did I do?" when they get attacked by the LizWizard. More unmorphed fighting on Adam's part, because he is GREAT. Still, they're a little overwhelmed and Adam does the only thing he thinks he can do.

He grabs his broken morpher, ignores Alpha and Carlos when they're yelling at him not to, and he morphs.

Seriously, that's my favorite moment in Power Rangers.

Carlos warns him again that he'll be destroyed, and Adam is like "get out of here" because protecting the civilians is what they do, and that's what Carlos is now. Luckily, that is when Carlos changes his mind and stops.

Look, there's really only one interpretation for someone clutching their arm like that, and that's heart attack. Even if you don't buy the suicide attempt theory (which not everyone does), there is definitely some sort of lasting effect from him using the morpher. Which means... all the post-episode hurt/comfort fic in the world!

Adam is clutching his arm and looking in pain as his morph starts to fade in and out, and he's clearly having a lot of trouble since broken morpher that is DESTROYED and all, but Carlos finally decides to start acting like a Ranger. Of course, at that exact moment the other Rangers show up, and Cassie throws Carlos his morpher, and he morphs.

Adam fights the monster, and Carlos jumps at them. The monster tries to do the same thing with Adam as had happened with Cassie. Except this time Carlos manages to actually hit the monster.

This is the real passing the torch moment. This is when Carlos is basically acknowledged as being Adam's successor, and where Adam is ready to pass the power on. Not that episode in Turbo. This.

Then the monster grows, etc, fight. Back in the park, everyone comes to check on Adam, who still seems to be in pain and clutching his arm, but he tells them that he's fine, so instead it's all group hugs for Carlos time!

Fish: 1.5 BEST EPISODE EVER

Fic we want: EVERYONE YELLS AT ADAM AND THEN THERE ARE HUGS.

Important questions I did not get to address: So um. Zeo morphers? WHERE ARE THEY? (Okay, yes, so color issues, and it wouldn't have been as dramatic if he used the green, or do the Zeo ones not work any more? Was the crystal destroyed with the destruction of the Power Chamber? Is it somehow related to his psyche? YOU TELL US. Or write me fic.)

Episode 276- The Secret of the Locket

Today on Power Rangers, we get the best plot twist of the late 90's. Remember 1998, guys? I was 17. I did NOT see this episode coming, not at all. It's old hat now, but it seemed so novel at the time.

So we all know Andros has the Biggest Sad to Ever Sad on Power Rangers (thus far), right? He lost his sister at a young age and has never been able to find her. Then his boyfriend best friend takes a hit for him and has to spend two years cryogenically frozen in the hopes of one day being healed enough to emerge. His entire planet is destroyed and the few survivors must scatter to the reaches of the galaxy. So what could possibly make poor Andros have an even bigger Sad? TODAY'S EPISODE, THAT'S WHAT.

So Andros finally gets to confront Darkonda about kidnapping Karone. He's a man possessed with this battle and honestly, as much as I get tired of the fighting, this battle is pretty epic and I could happily watch more of it. It would only be more amazing if he did it unmorphed. Because Andros is just a BAMF like that. He's almost had him destroyed, too, when Ecliptor distracts him long enough for Darkonda to escape. Then there is epic crying. Poor Andros.

Darkonda hangs out in the forest and does some major monologuing while setting up some hidden underground trigger which causes a bunch of lasers to fire. This bad guy seriously never stops talking to himself. Back on the ship, however, Andros lays in his dark bunk and has nightmares. Because that's what you do when your entire life has been one traumatizing event after another.

In what can only be described as beating us about the head with it, the shot of Andros holding the picture of his sister fades into Astronema holding a locket and asking Ecliptor where he found her. He says her parents and brother were killed by the power rangers and she was left on his doorstep, the only survivor. She thinks her brother is alive and he assures her otherwise, so she goes to attack Earth to make herself feel more evil.

It kind of works, until she sees a woman ushering her children away. The little girl falls and the little boy goes back to get her and Andros has to rush to their rescue. He launches on top of them to take the devastating blow coming to them, but Astronema attacks her own Quantrons to stop them from hurting the family. Andros is confused because clearly he has not been watching the same show we have.

Darkonda shows up and tempts Andros away from the battle. Ecliptor follows, because he's curious, as you are. Andros falls right into the trap, but manages to avoid stepping on the land mine altogether. He is unintentionally brilliant like that. There is another epic battle and Darkonda taunts Andros about Karone, saying she doesn't know he exists, etc etc etc. Darkonda then STEPS ON HIS OWN MINE. And blows himself up. Because Ecliptor got in the way and drew him out into the open. He intentionally saved Andros' life, and says it will just be this one time. Andros is thoroughly confused. Again, because he isn't watching the same show we are.

Andros is back in the main fight and ends up fighting Astronema. She's angry and confused and full of emotion, so she takes it out on him. He manages to cut off her locket and she is clearly upset, but has to flee before she can get the locket. Andros starts to look for the locket, but they have a monster to fight first. So some of the toys come out and we all know what happens here.

Let's get back to that locket, shall we? Andros is wandering around the smoldering battlefield when he finds it on some rebar. Astronema is also there trying to find her locket (I assume she still has it mostly because Ecliptor is really not as bad as he seems... he loves her, he's cared for her all those years, so he let her keep it... and mostly because I just really love this plot device). Andros opens it and sees his sister and himself, tiny pictures inside. He is shocked and pulls out his own locket with the same pictures inside. He knows she's Karone now. Astronema does not want to believe this. She knows it's true, you can see it on her face, but she doesn't want to believe it. She fights back and then runs away. Both are clearly overcome with emotion, unsure of what to do next and how to handle things.

So Andros finds his sister and then loses her, because she's the bad guy and he will have to destroy her to save the Earth. Oh Andros. Your Biggest Sad Ever just got bigger, poor boy.

2.5 fish. It actually made a fair amount of sense, for a Power Rangers episode anyway.

Episode 273 - A Date With Danger

So um. I have mentioned I really like the villain/Ranger thing, right? (See Goldar/Jason, Scorpina/Adam, Scorpina/Aisha, eventually Trakeena/Damon and Lucas/Nadira...)

Yeah, so Astronema/Zhane is TOTALLY on that list.

Which is why I'm recapping this and not Queenriley, who just informed me that if she was doing it, the recap would consist of "BUT YOU CAN'T MACK ON YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND'S LITTLE SISTER! IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!"

Instead I will talk about Astronema/Zhane and how they should have really great sex.

We open up in a fight scene. That's usually not a good sign, but Zhane and Astronema flirting/fighting is great, especially when Zhane tricks Astronema into shooting her own monster. He tries to attack her and Zhane comes to her aid, because... she's hot?

Meanwhile, the other Rangers have destroyed the other monster, and we hit theme song. Such a good theme song.

Zhane has apparently taken Astronema to a secluded spot in the woods. He's ditched the helmet, built a fire, and propped her staff up against the tree. Then she stares at his ass for a minute, and then pretends to sleep again. And then he brings her something to drink, which she promptly insults.

Zhane is sad that she doesn't like his cooking. Meanwhile, Astronema is all "I could destroy you right now" and Zhane is all "here, let me show you how to toast marshmallows with your staff."

Astronema, honey, if you don't take him, QR and I will fight over him.

Astronema tells Zhane that they're still enemies, and then thanks him for saving her. We get some more shots of his ass. SO GREAT.

Back on the megaship, Carlos and TJ are goofing around, and Cassie and Ashley are all excited that star crossed lovers is playing. Carlos has no desire to see it. CARLOS, THIS IS WHY ASHLEY IS IGNORING YOU FOR ANDROS.

Meanwhile, Astronema is daydreaming about Zhane. Because he's dreeeamy. She's too busy fantasizing to be bothered with details about destroying the Rangers.

Back on the Megaship, Zhane is laying in his bunk, with one hand holding up a picture of Astronema, and we see nothing else of him. Gee, I wonder what he's doing?

Then the girls interrupt and drag him off to a movie. Even though he had better things to do. Astronema decides not to send monsters to interrupt their movie and instead goes down herself, ditching the awesome hair. (Note: Carlos thought the movie was romantic. Clearly he was having a lot of fun during the movie.)

Zhane stares at the movie poster and fantasizes about kissing Astronema. Astronema in human!form knocks into him, and causes him to drop his picture. Then she shoots him a LOVE LETTER with his picture of her, telling him to meet her at the campfire at 5.

Elgar and Ecliptor try to figure out where Astronema is, and then they decide to just go ahead with the plan anyway, because they're sure that's what they would have wanted. This interrupts the five main rangers discussion of the movie + food, and this time the monster knows all about their weapons. Because of the first fight.

Back at the picnic spot, Astronema has set up the BEST PICNIC EVER. Zhane has run to the Megaship where he's busy primping for the date. And he's bought flowers for Astronema! But Zhane is interrupted because the monster is attacking and so he has to miss the date. SAD FOR EVERYONE.

Astronema is getting pissed that he's late, and Zhane is clearly trying to get this done as soon as possible. Andros punches Ecliptor and then Zhane knocks off the monster's horns and it grows. Zhane is all "I AM LATE. YOU GO KILL THIS THING." And they do. Which I don't care about, because toys fighting and can we get back to Astronema and Zhane's soap opera, please????

Zhane shows up with flowers, and Astronema blasts him because he's LATE. Now he's all covered in mud. Astronema is mad that he stood her up and he's like "I DIDN'T." Zhane tells her he wouldn't have been late if she hadn't sent down any monsters, and she calls him a liar and says he never wants to see her again. EVERYONE HAS A SAD NOW.

Back on the Megaship, Ashley gets elected to find out what's wrong with Zhane. She fails, so Andros tries. Zhane just makes a sadface at him. When he fails, Cassie tries, but he just walks away. SUCH A SAD, ZHANE.

Back on the satellite, Astronema crumples up her picture of Zhane, but she can't make herself throw it away. BECAUSE OTP YOU GUYS. THIS IS SO GREAT.

Fish: 3 So how did they get the pictures of each other anyway? How did Zhane manage to set up the campfire that quickly? How long did it take for Zhane to fight the mosnter and be late? (I DON'T CARE HOW MANY FISH THIS HAS, IT IS SO GREAT.)

Fic we want: ALL THE ZHANE/ASTRONEMA. SECRET DATING. MY FAVORITE. Also, Astronema being pissed at Ecliptor for screwing up her date.

Episode 274- Zhane's Destiny

Today on Power Rangers, Zhane has a destiny. As if that wasn't expected from a 6th ranger.

Zhane and Andros are looking for some kind of energy source on a desert planet. They think it might be Zordon, but they can't seem to find it. The others join them but it's really hard going with all the sandstorms and then they totally get captured by humanoid lifeforms that nobody knew were there.

The beings live underground to avoid the storms. TJ is sure they're not going to hurt them because they put them in a cell instead of killed them initially. They discover they're in some kind of infirmary where people start turning into creatures, although the people who captured them accuse them of being spies (and turning people into coral). It turns out some of them are working for Maligore Dark Specter. Meanwhile, Astronema still has a Sad because she thinks Zhane stood her up and she likes him.

Despite Military Guy planting stuff on Ashley and insisting they're guilty, Old Political Guy refuses to back down and insists on treating them to the proper course of law. The rangers will get a trial. Good job, Old Political Guy! Military Guy is not happy about this, and immediately reports. Old Political Guy follows him and discovers everything, only to be captured by Military Guy.

Meanwhile, the rangers manage the easiest escape possible. Worst. Prison. EVER. Old Political Guy is turning into coral and they are caught trying to help him, although it looks like they did it intentionally. Luckily Andros and Zhane show up to save the day. Some of the people know them, however, because they escaped from KO-35. These people no long trust Military Guy, but he has a monster and in such a confined space... well... people turn to coral left and right. This episode is really weird.

But! We get lots of unmorphed fighting, of which I highly approve. More please! Alas, instead they all morph and go fight on the surface. SAD. Zhane chases Military Guy around the caves instead. Military Guy is actually Darkonda! Zhane has to fight him on his own... the others are busy with all the toys and a big monster on the surface (and as soon as they defeat him, which takes no time at all, the people turn back into people, so that's cool). Zhane fighting Darkonda? TOTALLY AWESOME! I will take more of that any day of the week. Old Political Guy helps Zhane and Darkonda explodes/runs away. Then there are lots of hugs. I also approve of the hugs.

The Karovians are leaving, the rangers help them carry stuff, and all is well in the world again. Except Astronema still has a sad since she's totally heartsick over Zhane. She's out for blood.

Except Zhane is totally staying with the Karovians. So that's his destiny? He stays to build weapons (and write secret love poetry to Astronema)? That's... kind of lame, actually. Andros is clearly not happy about this. He gets his boyfriend back, and then he leaves again? So not fair. So now Andros has a Sad too. Geez Zhane is good at tearing up the hearts of this family.

3 fish. Easiest prison escape in the history of prison escapes. They basically walked right out.

Episode 272 - The Silver Secret

So Astronema is watching the battle, and she's all "Damn, Zhane is fine." She's also timing how long it takes for him to demorph, because she is the SMARTEST EVER. She discovers that Zhane is limited to 2 1/2 minutes, and really, Astronema, you may want to rethink your taste in men.

Why only 2 1/2 minutes? Why is it timed and not just a "you only have this much power" thing. Is 2 1/2 minutes of just standing there the same as 2 1/2 minutes of shooting things?

Back on the ship, Alpha is running a bunch of tests on Zhane. Cassie and Andros overhear Alpha tell Zhane that he doesn't have very much time, so they go tell the others that ZHANE IS DYING. Meanwhile, Alpha continues to explain the 2 1/2 minutes thing to Zhane.

OKAY. YOU DO NOT TELL SOMEONE'S NEWS LIKE THAT EVER. IT IS THEIR DECISION WHEN TO GIVE OUT THOSE DETAILS AND ALSO SCREW YOU. Also, eavesdropping never works well for anyone.

Cassie and Andros start babying Zhane and massaging him and telling him to put his feet up and then a monster shows up but they tell him to stay behind. The monster is all "call your little friend!" and they're all "Why do we need him?"

Zhane watches the fight and sees everyone get stomped on, and he decides that even with his 2 1/2 minutes or whatever, he's going to risk it. He shows up to save them, and Cassie and Andros are all "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

Zhane's 2 1/2 minutes starts to run out and the others are all "nope, we got this" so he goes off to demorph somewhere not surrounded by people. Not that there are any people around, or that I even see why he would care about this.

Andros and Cassie again decide that they need to tell the others. Andros has held a meeting where he and Cassie tell them. The others assume also that he's ding, and Zhane overhears them and decides to have some fun with it, because he's a cocky jackass and I love him. The others all start babying him. Zhane asks for pie, and Ashley is all "Here!" and Cassie is all "BUT IT ISN'T GOOD FOR HIM" and then they start fighting and Zhane is trying not to crack up. (I am on Ashley's side in this one.)

Meanwhile, Alpha has figured out that Zhane's battery is just low. Zhane tells Alpha what's going on, and Alpha is all "tell them the truth!" which... he really should. Because making your friends think you are dying is a REALLY JACKASSY THING TO DO.

The others start to run off again, and when they forbid Zhane to go with him Zhane does try and tell them the truth, but Andros is like "later!" and goes off. Zhane is frustrated about not being able to morph, and then he decides if he gets hit by lightning he'll be fine, or end up with super speed or something.

So Zhane climbs a cliff and then yells SHAZAM and gets hit by lightning and somehow this fixes everything and I just. Really? They couldn't have just charged the battery back up or something? Lightning? Really? Or changed the battery in the morpher? This is ridiculous.

Zhane shows up to fight the ugly mantis thing and the other rangers get distracted by the Quantrons. Zhane gets all tied up and the other Rangers all run towards him dramatically and then the countdown ends and there's an explosion. Andros falls to his knees assuming Zhane is dead.

Then Zhane shows back up all morphed and is like "hey guys! Not dead!" Cassie, Zhane and Andros all shoot at the monster which destroys him until Astronema makes him grow. Fight, etc.

Back on the ship the others are mad about Zhane not telling him the truth and they make him clean. UM. ANDROS. MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE EAVESDROPPED ON A MEDICAL CONVERSATION IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THEN TOLD EVERYONE, YOU JACKASS.

Fish: 4. Everything about that lightning was bullshit.

Episode 271 - Red with Envy

This morning starts off with a Darkonda vs Ecliptor "battle". Darkonda wants him as a business partner, to conquer the Earth together. Ecliptor will be having none of that. I'd much rather they just fight. Because they are awesome.

Darkonda goes it alone, of course, and sends his Crocotox to Earth to spread toxins. In the oceans around Angel Grove only, apparently. Because Angel Grove is the only place that matters, as we have learned for the past 5 seasons. Meanwhile, on the MegaShip, Andros is clearly practicing for some Very Important Conversation. He wants to ask Ashley out on a date, but he has no clue how to do it. He really needs to just accept his love for Zhane and give up on Ashley, so she can go back to Carlos, whom she really loves. Andros, finally settled on a question, stumbles upon Zhane trying to teach Ashley how to use telekensis. She can't do it, but he's all "let me wrap myself around you and show you how as if we're on a date and I'm teaching you to play pool in a cheesy romantic comedy". Andros gives up his Sad for a Jealous.

They have to stop everything to go fight the Crocotox though. Andros and Ashley work together, only to have Zhane rush in to protect his boyfriend, and Ashley by association, and she calls him a gentleman. Andros' jealousy grows by leaps and bounds. For some reason, Ashley, who can totally take down monsters by herself, can't be arsed to fight. Zhane rushes off, Ashley wants to go find him, and they chastise him for being demorphed in public. He's an alien, I'm not sure it really matters. But it's foreshadowing, so I totally forgive them.

Andros attempts to be slightly mature and discuss his feelings with Ashley, except Zhane interrupts and Ashley, instead of saying "Just a minute Zhane, I'm talking to Andros right now", carries on a conversation. And then goes back to Andros like he's a second thought. Of course, Andros could totally just have said "I like you, let's hang out" but instead he sulks and says "forget it". He then takes it out on Zhane. So much for maturity. It would also help if Zhane wasn't being such a dick about it (even though I totally love him for it).

Oh boys. Zhane is only cock-blocking in an attempt to get his boyfriend back, not because he likes Ashley! If only Andros would see that. Zhane even does the whole flashback I-love-you-forever thing with ANDROS. Seriously, boyfriends.

I really hate the two guys fight over one girl thing. Same for two girls over one guy. It's ridiculous and nobody comes off for the better.

But then Zhane, remembering his undying love for Andros, goes down to join the fight. He doesn't care if Andros is mad at him, because they're boyfriends best friends and he's going to help, no matter what. And good thing, too, because the Crocotox catches the rangers in a net and kidnaps them all. They shouldn't have fallen for it, but they did, so whatever. Zhane will have to rescue them, which he does as soon as he gets rid of Ecliptor. How does he know they need help? Because ANDROS CALLED TO HIM WITH HIS MIND. THEY CAN READ EACH OTHERS MINDS.

Zhane takes down Darkonda with his bike and Andros gets the rangers out of the net with his LASER, which he didn't think to use before. There is a big monster fight with all the toys while Zhane fights the other monster, doing a badass demorph right after taking it down (unintentional demorph, of course, but it was still super flashy). Andros is panicked with the need to find Zhane immediately after the fight is over. Oh boys.

Back on the ship, Andros apologizes. Zhane is a cocky badass, but all is forgiven. Ashley and Andros set up a date. Zhane asks Alpha for help with his demorphing problem (oh show, I can't stop laughing... poor impotent Zhane). Now Zhane has the Sad. Damn Andros, stop spreading the Sad around the ship, it's not fair to the others.

5 fish. I really don't like the fighting over another person thing.

Episode 270 - Survival of the Silver

So did you know it's the best time of year? It's Alpha's Magical Fic Exchange time! Sign-ups are now open so if you haven't done so already and want to join in on the fic-giving fun, head over to AO3 and sign up. If you don't have an AO3 account, you can request a code from either TSB or myself. We're happy to share.

Today on Power Rangers, the Rangers go on a hiking trip through the desert to find... rock samples? No clue why they want rock samples. But Carlos is totally seeing things and TJ decides to make fun of him. Because TJ is awesome. What Carlos really sees is invisible Jawas. This is apparently not Earth, despite looking very much like it. They decide to morph and fight mere feet from the MegaShip. WHY? Why fight? Why not just run into the ship and fly away? It's not like they were fighting a monster or defending Earth or something. They invaded the Jawas home, not the other way around. They do eventually do just that, but not before something invades the ship and does damage to the engine.

While fixing the engine, Cassie discovers a hidden door. Carlos follows her, but TJ and Ashley are talking about the ship and don't notice. Cassie is totally transfixed by Mysterious Frozen Man (complete with penis shape on the readout of the vitals monitoring equipment... nice). Carlos calls the others in and everybody is really really confused. Because there is a FROZEN MAN on the ship that they had no idea about.

Andros realizes the others are someplace they shouldn't be and decides to spill his dirty secret. He introduces Mysterious Frozen Man as Zhane, the silver ranger, mortally wounded in the battle of KO-35. Zhane was his boyfriend best friend and was wounded saving his life. ZHANE TOOK THE BLOW MEANT FOR ANDROS. This is totally one of my things, guys, and this is yet another reason why Andros has the Biggest Sad to Ever Sad on Power Rangers... at least until RPM. TJ is totes understanding. Carlos is all supportive. Ashley just wants to know why he never told them (gee, I wonder why... he barely knows you people).

Cassie goes to check the rock sample and discovers an egg that has hatched into some weird insect monster thing. She fights him off all on her own, because she is super awesome, but then he locks her in the cargo bay with him. Cassie is able to open the cargo bay door and gets him sucked out into space while she clings to a pole. It was not her brightest idea, but it worked... temporarily. Because apparently this monster can breathe in space and is clinging to the side of the ship, causing a lot of damage, and an emergency landing.

They go out to fight. Jawas get on the ship and Alpha has to threaten them with the karate he knows (which must be the hip hop kido Zack taught him). They all fail at fighting a whole lot. And MYSTERIOUS FROZEN MAN FLAT LINES IN HIS TUBE! OH NOES! Andros can sense that something is very wrong, drops his sword melodramatically, and screams NO in slo-mo. Because that's how he rolls when his boyfriend pretend-dies. He is going to make them pay.

But wait! He doesn't have to! Because ZHANE WAKES UP! And saunters out of the MegaShip in all his silver glory, apparently with no side effects from having been FROZEN FOR TWO YEARS (which really doesn't work, but it's Power Rangers, so I'll roll with it). And totally saves the day, while being awesomely shiny and super cocky. Oh Zhane. Never change. Back on the MegaShip, Zhane and Andros have a dorky friendship greeting and then run off to fight. Andros and the Earth Four go to fight the big insect thing. Zhane says hi to Alpha, though how he knew about Alpha I'm not sure. It's not like they had a lot of time to talk about what's happened in the past TWO YEARS.

They totally win and get back on board to see Zhane boasting to Alpha. Andros corrects his story and there is happy boyfriend smiles and hugs and DAW! BOYS! Ashley is smitten with Zhane, which hello, you were just macking on Andros the past episode, and she is really bad at picking up on the BOYFRIENDS thing. Andros drags him off to his bunk to make out catch up on old times.

2.5 fish. It was pretty solid. Also, BOYFRIENDS.

Episode 269 - Invasion of the Body Switcher

And we're back! Look, real life sucks (see both grad school and computer issues) but it is RECAP TIME. And we have some amazing episodes to recap.

Or at least I remember them being amazing. The last time I watched them. LIVE UP TO MY EXPECTATIONS, SHOW.

We open with Ashley's birthday. TJ tries to steal some of her cake, and Carlos asks her what she wished for, clearly hoping she's wishing for him. Cassie, meanwhile, is assuming Ashley is wishing for Andros. Of course, since Carlos gave her a fire extinguisher.... um. I can think of a few things they could do with that. Yeah.

Andros tells Ashley that they don't celebrate birthdays on KO-35 but he got her a necklace anyway. WAY TO UPSTAGE CARLOS'S POSSIBLY KINKY GIFT, ANDROS. Cassie is clearly jealous that Andros is going overboard with the gift.

Dark Spectre is yelling at Astronema for failing, so she summons a body switcher to make her into a Ranger, and he turns her into Ashley. EVIL ASHLEY IS SO GREAT, YOU GUYS. (Tracy Lynn Cruz said at Morphicon that this is her favorite episode. I am not surprised.)

Ashley and Cassie are debating over whether or not Andros likes her, and Cassie is doing the supportive best friend thing, until she TOTALLY FAILS to notice that Ashley was just kidnapped right there. Ashley tries to escape, but Astronema/Ashley summons some Pirahnatrons to fake!attack her while real!Ashley is dragged off, and wow, we were getting pretty close to some panty shots there.

Astronema!Ashley fake fighting the Pirahnatrons is AMAZING, by the way. She's so annoyed when one of them actually hurts her! Astronema!Ashley then decides they should go back to the Megaship, where DECA helpfully tells her where the engine is, so Astronema!Ashley blows her up.

Cassie asks Astronema!Ashley for some help but Astronema!Ashley is bad at things. She's about to blast Cassie when they cut away.

Astronema!Ashley then has sex with Carlos adds more weight to Carlos's weightlifting and then blasts him, and then they have more sex.

Meanwhile, real!Ashley convinces the monster to turn her into Astronema. Ashley!Astronema convinces Elgar that she's the real Astronema and he lets her go. BECAUSE SHE IS GREAT.

Astronema!Ashley runs into Alpha who is giving her a birthday present, just because they're friends, and she is so confused. It's a tiny little figurine that plays music, and Alpha could clearly turn Astronema good. Astronema!Ashley is so confused and needs SO MANY HUGS. And then she dumps the figure in the trash. :(

TJ and Andros are getting worried about the surveillance issue so TJ goes looking for everyone while Astronema!Ashley is dragging Carlos' unconscious form around the ship. Then she beats them both up. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS GLORIOUS.

Anyway, TJ, Carlos and Cassie are all tied up and Astronema!Ashley nearly zaps Andros but he turns around. Instead she convinces him that there's a battle down on earth and she ends up falling on her face. She's about to shoot him in the back where Ashley!Astronema shows up but Astronema!Ashley convinces Andros that it's a trap and they both attack Ashley!Astronema.

Andros, you are not very good at figuring out when your friends are evil. Meanwhile, Alpha is saving the day by untying the other Rangers.

Ashley!Astronema convinces Andros of the truth by asking Astronema!Ashley what Andros got her for her birthday. When she can't answer, Ashley!Astronema tells the truth causing Andros to believe her. Astronema!Ashley demorphs and turns back into regular!Astronema, and the two Astronemas fight each other. The Rangers (including the freed ones) try to figure out which one is the real Ashley, so they ask her to do the Morph call. Only the real!Ashley knows it, which makes me wonder if Astronema just doesn't pay any attention to their fights.

Astronema says she wouldn't want to be a Power Ranger anyway. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. UM.

Elgar tries to attack the real!Astronema and for some reason she doesn't kill him. Instead she makes the monster grow and there's a fight scene. It is luckily a very brief fight scene because so much of this episode was taken over by AWESOME. (Seriously, phallic toys, sword, missile, destruction.)

Astronema says the monster was useless anyway, and then she blasts Elgar. Yay!

Back on the Megaship, Ashley is scared to take her helmet off because she's afraid of what she'll look like. But she's Ashley again! Everyone is happy. Cassie exposits that when the monster was destroyed it switched her back. Ashley tries to thank Andros, but he has wandered off somewhere to have the saddest sad that was ever sad. Because there is someone FROZEN in a tube.

DUN DUN DUN.

QR: WELL HELLO THERE MYSTERIOUS FROZEN MAN! Complete with penis.

Fish: ONE. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS GLORIOUS. WAY TO LIVE UP TO MY EXPECTATIONS, SHOW.

Fic we want: Seriously, what was Astronema!Ashley doing with the Rangers when she had them tied up? And what exactly did she do while she was in Ashley's body?

Episode 268 - True Blue to the Rescue

Awww, Justin has grown on me SO MUCH since we first started doing this. *pinches his cheeks* To the point that I'm actually excited that Justin is going to be in this episode and actually requested to be the one recapping it!

Aww, it's the Turbo cars! And they are... chained up and being whipped. This is disturbing. Poor vaguely sentient not!transformers! You escape your chains! Or at least Storm Blaster, you escape, since poor Lightning Cruiser does not.

So then we cut to Divatox calling Astronema, who is all "so I lost this little Storm Blaster" thing, and we see a "special guest appearance by Blake Foster!" which yay! Oh right, and Divatox and Astronema are arguing about catching Storm Blaster first, but more importantly we get Divatox mocking Astronema, which is hilarious and awesome.

The Rangers are all excited to see Storm Blaster being chased, except for Andros who is all "WTF, it's a car." That is a valid opinion, Andros. The team morphs and comes to Storm Blaster's aid, and TJ is all "HIIIIIIIII, I'm wearing Blue now! So you're my car!" The team gets caught, and Storm Blaster drives off again.

We cut to Justin! Who still has really bad hair. His dad is telling him to go to bed, but Justin is busy wishing on a star that his friends are ok, and we get a bunch of flashbacks to Turbo, including one of the episode where Justin should have joined the Avengers.

Justin's dad is all "Yeah, I know we had plans, but I'm going to work" and Justin is all "WTF, I gave up Rangering for this? You fail!" Justin hears Storm Blaster outside, and immediately sneaks out of the house.

Justin asks how Lightning Cruiser is, and Justin's car is all "GET IN NOW" and Justin barely hesitates before getting in. There's an ET ripoff scene, and then we cut back to the Rangers being all chained off in the warehouse again. This is of course where Justin and Storm Blaster are going to, and Justin sees that they're all chained up, but he has no powers, oh no! He gets attacked by Quantrons, and manages to fight them off without the monsters inside noticing.

Somehow, Justin gets back into Storm Blaster, and Storm Blaster hands over a new version of his morpher. Um. Where did that come from? And why don't we actually get to see him morph? But he shows up anyway, and is all "you forgot one small thing. Of course, I'm not so small right now." And I'm sticking by the theory of baby!Justin turning into SUPER HOT ADULT BLAKE FOSTER when he morphs, so yaaaay.

There's a pretty decent fight scene or whatever, and Justin is all "WHO IS WEARING MY COLOR????" but he's pretty cool with it once he figures out it's TJ. Really, TJ, you didn't call him once?? It would be one thing if this was like the first episode or whatever, but um, this is midway through the season.

Storm Blaster and the blues shoot at the monster, which gets knocked back. The monster grows, and Justin is all "Okay, so I'm done now, have fun!" TJ is all "You will LOVE the new toys" and we get a fight scene.

Storm Blaster honks at them some more, and they go off to rescue Lightning Cruiser, and the others show off their galaxy gliders. They offer to show Justin, but he's all "I have a car. HA."

There's another fight scene where they beat up some Pirahnatrons and rescue Lightning Cruiser. Justin is all "I'm worried about you guys! (and I miss you)" and the team is all "we loooove you" and they do the once a ranger thing before remembering to introduce him to Andros, who is from the space colonies. Exactly when did Earth colonize space?

Justin (who has saved the day in his pajamas, because he is awesome) is all "so if you need me, call."

Back in Angel Grove, his dad sees a father and son bonding, and decides that maybe he should spend time with his kid. Justin manages to sneak in just before he does, and they decide to go fishing. Considering Justin was out all night, he's going to be REALLY tired.

Also, still the worst dad ever.

Fish: 2.5. So um, where did the spare Turbo morpher come from? Can Justin still morph later on? Does he get to keep Storm Blaster? These are important questions that must be answered!

Episode 267- The Rangers' Mega Voyage

Shana tova everyone! We are BACK! And we start the new year (the Jewish one anyway) with Power Rangers! What better way to ring in Rosh Hashanah, eh? (or, as Matt Austin Sadowski wished us on his twitter "Happy JewYear")

So we start out with a fight. A fight? Really? That... does not bode well. It's two big monsters and they're going after the Megazord. Carlos notes that reserve power is about to go out. This must have been one heck of a fight. Alpha has worked out one of the key cards and I have to wonder why he was doing that instead of helping with the MEGAFIGHT, but whatever. He's found a super awesome weapon that they conveniently have juuusstttt enough power to go get.

One of the monsters goes after the rangers. Astronema is all badass with a card playing monster we saw when there was Sword Fighting on my Power Rangers. She's very much with the "torture is fun!" and manages to get lots of information about the key cards. Very helpfully provided to us, the viewers, in the form of clips from the previous episode. Way to waste a clip show.

The rangers find the Super Awesome Weapon while the other monster is attacking Alpha and DECA. They aren't really doing much in the fighting back bit. Unfortunately, Astronema totally wants that weapon and heads them off at the pass. Andros is sure he's found the weapon because he totally knows it when he sees it, but Cassie provides drama by FALLING DOWN dramatically as the door closes. She jumps right through just in time, sealing them off from Astronema. This is not an exciting chase scene. They need to take some pointers from Indiana Jones.

The weapon is really five new zords. Four of which are conveniently positioned around a very phallic looking rocket. OH SHOW. Zordon left the New Toys because he totes trolls the rangers. They take the New Toys back to Earth and fight the monster. I'm wondering what happened to the monster that was supposed to be following them. Is he just chilling out in space? Just kind of milling about enjoying the view? They ARE on one of Jupiter's moons. That's got to be one pretty sweet view.

There is a boring fight. It is almost as boring as JDF (did you hear he's this years NPS guest? I... really could care less. I used to live near the dude. Didn't care then, either) The New Toys rescue Alpha and DECA just in time. There is dramatic music. It's not nearly as epic as Rick Astley. This episode is still boring.

(this episode is made so much better by the Spousal Person helpfully playing Rick Astley in the background for the whole 20 minutes... which might have been irritating if I didn't unironically love Rick Astley.)

5 fish, for being utterly boring and forgettable.

Episode 265 - T.J.'s Identity Crisis

Awww, the team is playing basketball! How adorable are they? I really love the various team building things where they play ridiculous sports, and I'm even willing to buy the matching outfits, because... adorable. Also, TJ is clearly hooking up with EVERYONE on the team, and I approve of this.

Anyway, DECA disturbs the basketball game to tell them that they've arrived on some planet and Andros points out that if someone sees them the whole mission is worthless. Of course, there's Darkonda. HEY, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR BRIGHTLY COLOR CODED CLOTHING, EVER THINK OF THAT???

Back on the ship, Carlos asks Andros about the technobabble that's going to scan the galaxy really quickly or something.

Darkona sneaks up on Astronema, who is super annoyed with him for that. Darkonda is all "Ecliptor sucks" and Astronema is mad on his behalf. Why is this season not about Ecliptor and Astronema and how they are awesome? Ecliptor storms in and Darkonda spills the beans on the satellite. Darkonda and Ecliptor then blow up the scanner with Darkonda being all threatening about telling Astronema something, and somehow this causes the Rangers to lose the lock they had on Zordon. UM, YOU HAD ALREADY LOCATED HIM OR WHATEVER.

Anyway, time for a fight scene. Darkonda tries to kill Ecliptor or merge with him or somethign, because Darkonda is a GREAT villain and then we get Darkliptor. Darkliptor freezes Ashley and Cassie, and Andros tries to be one of THOSE reds and just run and attack even though TJ is all "DUDE, YOU NEED A PLAN." TJ takes a blow that was meant for Andros and goes down HARD. Carlos also gets all frozen or whatever and Andros takes the unconscious TJ back to the ship, leaving the others on the planet.

AND THEN WE FIND OUT TJ HAS AMNESIA AND LIKE, FAVORITE THING EVER.

Um, I have mentioned my love of amnesia before, yes?

TJ runs through the megaship and we head over to where Darkliptor has the other Rangers. Astronema seems to be buying Darkliptor's claim that Ecliptor had attacked Darkonda, or at least she's all "eh, he's caught three of them. Useful." She orders him to destroy the three Rangers, but he claims they're needed as bait. ASTRONEMA IS THE SMARTEST, EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO HER.

Back on the ship, TJ is still confused and Andros tries to jog his memory. TJ denies that he's a power ranger and Andros goes down to the planet himself.

You guys, this episode needs so much more of TJ not remembering that he's dating Cassie and/or Andros and them being all "CUDDLES!" For an episode that is supposed to be about amnesia, I am not getting the good parts of this trope. :((((

Andros is getting beaten up, while TJ explores the ship. He finds a basketball and somehow this makes him start to remember or whatever? Pfft. He then finds his locker which has pictures of the team , and he manages to teleport himself to watch the battle. He morphs and is still confused about being the blue ranger, and Darkliptor immediately attacks him. TJ is about to get killed when Andros saves him, and THEN TJ remembers.

Look, this is the biggest waste of an amnesia plot ever. WHERE ARE MY HIJINKS????

TJ remembers Andros, since apparently they are totally dating, and the two of them attack Darkliptor together. They trick him by throwing weapons and then blasting him and the amount I don't care about fight scenes or whatever. When Andros hits Darkliptor he splits back into Darkonda and Ecliptor and Astronema is all "what???" Darkonda recombines with Ecliptor just as Astronema makes them grow. Zords are summoned and Darkonda separates from Ecliptor again to make Ecliptor get destroyed instead of them both. Astronema proves to be a moron and believes Ecliptor attacked Darkonda, and declares him to be Ecliptor's equal. I am more concerned with whatever it is that Darkonda is blackmailing Ecliptor with, because I don't remember.

Back on the ship, apparently the technobabbley device is broken forever. TJ doesn't seem to remember what basketball is, so Carlos and Ashley are totally unconcerned about this and are just all "We are so going to beat them" but TJ is faking it. (Also, I choose to believe that TJ, Cassie and Andros are having a threesome.)

Fish: 3. HEY, WHERE ARE MY HIJINKS?

Fic we want: Take a guess

Episode 266- Flashes of Darkonda

So I was going to try to do something really awesome this past weekend while TSB was at DragonCon. I thought about recapping the first episode of Gokaiger or VR Troopers. Then I thought I'd go way back and really hit my nostalgia button and do the first episode of Mystic Knights of Tir Na Nog. Instead, I read books two and three of A Song of Ice and Fire and alas, you all suffered the loss. Sorry? Only not really because new obsession.

Anyway! Today Andros wins at gambling and tries to out-do even himself as being the Emoest Ranger with the Saddest Sad in All the Land.

Andros keeps a picture of himself and a picture of Karone on his bedside table. We know this because he's dreaming and we see his dream, where he is confronted by Darkonda. Apparently they've met before. Andros doesn't remember.

TJ and the others go check out a planet in the Dagobah system (heeee) and Andros stays behind. He tortures himself by watching the doesn't-work-like-that-video of his sister being kidnapped. And of course NOW he recognizes that it was Darkonda that took her. Really dude? Took you THAT LONG?

So now Andros is angry AND emo. You can tell because he clenches his fists and scrunches his face together while frowning and trying to look sad. He runs off to go to some old west town on some planet in a prohibited sector. ALL the monsters in ALL the land from ALL the seasons are there. I would TOTALLY HANG OUT HERE. And so would the crew of Firefly (before they go hang out with the Gokaiger rangers, that is). Darkonda is there, of course, and he's trying to take a vial of something. The little rat totally switches it out for something Ecliptor gave him though. Gee, I wonder if Darkonda will notice. *eyeroll*

Andros has donned that Cape of Most Suspicion again. He's gambling with the monsters and totally wins all the things. Darkonda is intrigued by this most suspicious gambler and buys him a drink. Darkonda, I don't think you're his type. Although Andros totally strings him along to get information about Karone... and Darkonda gives it over pretty willing. Until he spies the morpher and then there is SWORD FIGHTING. OMG YOU GUYS THERE IS SWORD FIGHTING ON MY POWER RANGERS! And then Andros runs away. Mores the pity. I was enjoying that sword fight.

Andros goes back to the Megaship with key cards he stole off Darkonda. He thinks they contain information on Zordon, but Darkonda contacts him and says he'll tell him where Karone is if he'll bring the keycards back. Andros proves to be a dumbass yet again because HE GOES AFTER HIM. Darkonda drinks the vial of stuff he took off the guy earlier thinking it's strength potion. It's totally not, but he doesn't realize this until after he's beaten up the rangers a bit. He runs away due to the effects of the poison, but then he grows and the rangers have to call All the Toys. The fight is actually pretty epic and then another monster comes and... usually they win quickly, but not this time. Every time they think they've knocked him down, he gets back up again. THEY TOTALLY DON'T WIN. OMG YOU GUYS. FOR ONCE THEY DIDN'T WIN A ZORD FIGHT. Well they did, but not really. It was... epic, for a Power Rangers battle.

4 fish, because videos don't work like that and Andros stop being a dumbass and just focus on being the Emoest Ranger to Ever Emo with the Saddest Sad in All the Land.

Fic we want: The crew of Firefly hanging out at that bar. And with the Gokaiger Rangers. Or maybe that's just me (I'm still waiting for somebody to fanvid an opening to Gokaiger set to the Firefly theme song).