Hey! I made my minimum word count for nano already today! I am rewarding myself with recaps. So let's do this.
So the Queen is annoyed with her son for failing, and decides that Vypra and Loki should be in charge. It's not like they haven't failed a bunch too. Of course, Olympius has overheard this.
He decides to try and then talk to Vypra and Loki and call for a truce. Because they need to work together or something. Of course, its a trap and he seals them underground, because seriously, who would actually trust him. Morons. These villains aren't very smart. Cue theme song.
Olympius tells the Queen that the Rangers destroyed them, and she tells him to revenge them, because nobody destroys demons and gets away with it. I so don't care about these villains.
Some demon finds... something? I don't care what. But the Rangers go to investigate a disturbance in that area. Chad finds something, and its a hand buried in the ground. Because Kelsey is ridiculous, she tries to touch it. Carter warns her it could be a trap, and hey, some vines have wrapped around all their wrists. In an hour apparently the vines will open and will spray poisonous spores all over Mariner Bay. That's a better plan than exploding feathers, probably.
Vypra and Loki manage to free themselves. The two of them swear revenge on him, and walk off while debating all sorts of plans to get even.
Back at the base, Ms. Fairweather tries to destroy the flowers by shooting lasers at it, but with no luck. Kelsey suggests isolating them, but apparently the spores are too small and can't be contained. However, a lab on the east side has a poison that might destroy it. However, right when they're about to destroy it, the monster shatters the poisons. (And they didn't bring backups why? Idiots)
Carter then is all "Hey, what about solar zord?" So they get into the zord, and send themselves to outer space Well, they're willing to die to protect the planet. I'll give them credit. AND THEN THEY OPEN THE SHUTTLE DOOR AND SUCK OUT THE POLLEN BUT ARE SOMEHOW NOT DEAD.
Um. Um. Um. WHAT NO.
Space doesn't work like that. SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT.
Kelsey nearly gets sucked out but they manage to hold her and I'm just in an incoherent rage of space doesn't work like that and seriously they are idiots. The doors close before Kelsey gets sucked out and everyone is fine, and then the monster tries to destroy the city himself. I'm still stuck on the science fail.
Anyway, then the rangers morph and we get a fight scene, but I'm busy screaming about all the fish and finding it hard to care. Carter does give a very nice red rangers are determined speech, though. So they blow up the monster and then it grows, so they call the toys. Then they blow it up.
Vypra and Loki are exploring some old ruins, and they find a tomb. Apparently there's someone in the tomb that could help them. And then we see that RYAN is spying on them. RYAN. HI RYAN. Be pretty and take off your shirt, will you?
Loki and Vypra go down into the tomb. Vypra reads the ridiculous inscription, they throw a rope into the tomb, and Diabolico climbs out of the tomb. They plan to destroy Olympius and reclaim the star power.
Ryan has really nice arms. I've missed him. That is the most important part of this episode, clearly.
Fish: FIVE. SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Episode 361 - Yesterday Again
Today on Power Rangers, it's a much less amusing with no lesson learnt version of Groundhog Day!
We start with Carter failing to fly. He jumps out of his ship and lands... on the clouds? It's totally a simulation. At least they test stuff? Although they don't give a lot of training or time, seeing as they're testing Carter's ability to fly this thing and expect him to fly it for realsies THE NEXT DAY. Joel attempts to be nice, but it just comes across as condescending (or his jerkiness has tainted my view, whatever).
In the mess hall, everyone is confident in Carter. He is Pouty McPouterson and doubts himself while Dana tells really terrible jokes out of the newspaper. I LOVE HER SO MUCH YOU GUYS. Kelsey learns the valuable lesson of NOT rollerblading in the house, because she knocks over a big bowl of breakfast and she, the cook, and the floor are covered in oatmeal. Oh show. We're never going to get rid of that covered in food footnote, are we? At least Chad and Dana help her clean up. I'm sure Joel and Carter would have, but they had more important flying things to do.
Carter still fails. I'm wondering if the problem isn't with the jet instead of Carter. He seemed to be doing just fine when the jet engine started sparking. While he's attempting to NOT BLOW UP, a monster attacks and the rest of the team have to go out and stop it. While he tries to fix the jet. Since when is Carter a mechanic or an engineer? I thought he was a firefighter. He's certainly no Damon!
He morphs, jumps back in the jet, and rushes off to go help his friends, leaving his jacket behind to dramatically flutter in the wind. It's all slow motion and ominous and SUPER DRAMATIC and I love it. He's too late though, showing up just in time to watch his friends get blown to smithereens.
And then he jumps out of the simulation to find Joel standing there telling him he's okay and he'll be ready to fly for real tomorrow. Except he's very concerned because he thought Joel was dead. And nobody seems to think that's strange? What is this magic? It's as if science took a holiday and now Carter is living the day ALL OVER AGAIN. He answers Dana's really bad joke. He dramatically turns as Kelsey dramatically blades towards the chef and then dramatically stops her from spilling oatmeal everywhere. He tells Ms. Fairweather he's concerned he's reliving the same day over again and all she can say is "Simulations can be disorienting." I THINK THAT'S A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS THAN DISORIENTING, MKAY???? And he is CLEARLY not fit to fly, but they're sending him out anyway.
While fixing the power circuits, again, he spies his Dramatic Jacket from his previous day. He determines he traveled through time and that's why he relived the day over again. This... makes no sense. Science is taking a MAJOR holiday here. This is not how even the most unaccepted views on potential time travel work. He rushes off to his friends again and shows up in just enough time to stop them from being blown to smithereens. This time.
Carter uses missiles to attack the monster and manages to do loops and tight corners and amazing tricks in the jet that JUST MOMENTS AGO HE COULDN'T FLY SO BADLY THAT HE BROKE THE ENGINE. That's right. He's now an expert. And apparently the monster can fly because he's chasing Carter in the jet. Carter makes a daring high speed escape. Monster grows. Zords come out. Big fight. Whatever. I'm so done with this episode.
In order to fix the jet, Ms. Fairweather had to replace basically everything. All the circuits. All the fuses. All the everything. But it won't give him any problems now, apparently! Joel gives him the hat. He pulls it off way better. End credits. FINALLY.
5 fish. Just... no.
Covered in food: Kelsey, a chef, and the floor absolutely pasted over with oatmeal.
This is getting the dramatic cape tag because seriously... that dramatic fluttering jacket was the only good thing about that episode.
We start with Carter failing to fly. He jumps out of his ship and lands... on the clouds? It's totally a simulation. At least they test stuff? Although they don't give a lot of training or time, seeing as they're testing Carter's ability to fly this thing and expect him to fly it for realsies THE NEXT DAY. Joel attempts to be nice, but it just comes across as condescending (or his jerkiness has tainted my view, whatever).
In the mess hall, everyone is confident in Carter. He is Pouty McPouterson and doubts himself while Dana tells really terrible jokes out of the newspaper. I LOVE HER SO MUCH YOU GUYS. Kelsey learns the valuable lesson of NOT rollerblading in the house, because she knocks over a big bowl of breakfast and she, the cook, and the floor are covered in oatmeal. Oh show. We're never going to get rid of that covered in food footnote, are we? At least Chad and Dana help her clean up. I'm sure Joel and Carter would have, but they had more important flying things to do.
Carter still fails. I'm wondering if the problem isn't with the jet instead of Carter. He seemed to be doing just fine when the jet engine started sparking. While he's attempting to NOT BLOW UP, a monster attacks and the rest of the team have to go out and stop it. While he tries to fix the jet. Since when is Carter a mechanic or an engineer? I thought he was a firefighter. He's certainly no Damon!
He morphs, jumps back in the jet, and rushes off to go help his friends, leaving his jacket behind to dramatically flutter in the wind. It's all slow motion and ominous and SUPER DRAMATIC and I love it. He's too late though, showing up just in time to watch his friends get blown to smithereens.
And then he jumps out of the simulation to find Joel standing there telling him he's okay and he'll be ready to fly for real tomorrow. Except he's very concerned because he thought Joel was dead. And nobody seems to think that's strange? What is this magic? It's as if science took a holiday and now Carter is living the day ALL OVER AGAIN. He answers Dana's really bad joke. He dramatically turns as Kelsey dramatically blades towards the chef and then dramatically stops her from spilling oatmeal everywhere. He tells Ms. Fairweather he's concerned he's reliving the same day over again and all she can say is "Simulations can be disorienting." I THINK THAT'S A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS THAN DISORIENTING, MKAY???? And he is CLEARLY not fit to fly, but they're sending him out anyway.
While fixing the power circuits, again, he spies his Dramatic Jacket from his previous day. He determines he traveled through time and that's why he relived the day over again. This... makes no sense. Science is taking a MAJOR holiday here. This is not how even the most unaccepted views on potential time travel work. He rushes off to his friends again and shows up in just enough time to stop them from being blown to smithereens. This time.
Carter uses missiles to attack the monster and manages to do loops and tight corners and amazing tricks in the jet that JUST MOMENTS AGO HE COULDN'T FLY SO BADLY THAT HE BROKE THE ENGINE. That's right. He's now an expert. And apparently the monster can fly because he's chasing Carter in the jet. Carter makes a daring high speed escape. Monster grows. Zords come out. Big fight. Whatever. I'm so done with this episode.
In order to fix the jet, Ms. Fairweather had to replace basically everything. All the circuits. All the fuses. All the everything. But it won't give him any problems now, apparently! Joel gives him the hat. He pulls it off way better. End credits. FINALLY.
5 fish. Just... no.
Covered in food: Kelsey, a chef, and the floor absolutely pasted over with oatmeal.
This is getting the dramatic cape tag because seriously... that dramatic fluttering jacket was the only good thing about that episode.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Episode 360 - The Chosen Path
Previously on Power Rangers, Joel is a douche. Kelsey has a super awesome Action Grandma. Ryan is no longer shirtless and also far far away and I have a sad. But today we have a Chad episode and that makes me happy!
So the Big Bads are having a dinner party. They're eating rodents and it makes me sad because rodents are cute and furry and sweet and oh so very smart! Well, rats are. And they say they're eating rats but they look like mice. ANYWAY. There is arguing and Big Bads being... well... rather like stupid frat boys.
Meanwhile, the rangers are doing actual TRAINING EXERCISES! Also, hello there Chad's Arms! It's so very nice to see you... can we see more of you? As the training exercise finishes, Chad's old mentor shows up. Out of the blue. In the middle of nowhere. For the sole purpose of chastising him for straying from the path he had set for Chad. Apparently Chad could really have Been Something. Because, y'know, BEING A POWER RANGER and SAVING THE WHOLE WORLD is such a waste, right?
Back at the base, Chad has a sad because his second daddy mentor is disappointed in him. Poor Chad! He tells his woes to Kelsey and it's super cute. But they get interrupted by a big orange cyclops guy who thinks he's the best. He's boring, but he does challenge them to hand to hand combat instead of hand to weapon combat. Except they still don't fight unmorphed. But whatever.
Chad's old Sensei thinks he can beat Cyclopter and challenges him to a fight. And manages to actually kick his ass. Everybody is super impressed. Chad attempts to introduce everybody, but Sensei is having NONE of that. He has no interest in the rangers. Because he has a stick up his rear end. Kelsey, luckily, is having none of his having none of them. She pleads Chad's case, but doesn't get very far.
I really kind of want to just smack this guy on the back of the head. Because he's throwing away something really awesome in Chad! Because he's too stuck in his idea of the way the world should work.
Meanwhile, Cyclopter goes to Chad's old Sensei. He has changed his ways and wants nothing more than to become his student. And the dude FALLS FOR IT. He agrees to teach Cyclopter. This will not end well. Which Chad tries to point out to him. But Cyclopter "gave his word of honour" and is apparently a better student than Chad because he's "more dedicated" or something. REALLY DUDE???? CHAD IS THE FREAKING BLUE RANGER! GET OVER YOURSELF.
Chad throws a bit of a fit back at the base and Kelsey tries to point out that his pride is getting in the way. His Sensei is in trouble and needs Chad's help. He should be out there helping him get away from the monster, not pouting. Though I can't really blame him for pouting. I would too. Anyway, he goes out to find Cyclopter. Who has already learned everything he can learn and has basically shoved Sensei away, as he deems him unnecessary. WHAT THE HELL DID HE EXPECT THOUGH? HE'S A FREAKING MONSTER!
Chad is determined to fix things, though, so he helps his Sensei recover before Carter calls him for help. Chad is ready to run off when Sensei says he can't go, that Cyclopter will know everything Chad has forgotten. Except Chad has not forgotten his training. Because he's Chad! And he's awesome! And dedicated! AND TOTALLY THE AWESOMESAUCE BLUE RANGER, OKAY? I guess this is all Sensei needed because he's all "Yeah, okay, go."
AND THEN WE GET AN UNMORPHED FIGHT! AND CHAD IS AMAZING AND I LOVE HIM. HE IS THE BEST THERE EVER WAS. Eventually there is morphing and monster growing and all the zords and whatever. I just want to watch that unmorphed fight again!
Back at the base, Chad and Mr. Tamashiro make up. He wants a tour of the Aquabase. Chad goes all goopy AW SURROGATE DADDY on him. It's syrupy cute. Resolved really fast and really easily, but whatever. Chad is adorable and I love everything about him.
5 fish. Because I spent the whole episode wanting to smack the old man with a frying pan and telling him that is NOT how one treats a student/surrogate son and goddamn just be proud of him for all the good he's doing in the world.
So the Big Bads are having a dinner party. They're eating rodents and it makes me sad because rodents are cute and furry and sweet and oh so very smart! Well, rats are. And they say they're eating rats but they look like mice. ANYWAY. There is arguing and Big Bads being... well... rather like stupid frat boys.
Meanwhile, the rangers are doing actual TRAINING EXERCISES! Also, hello there Chad's Arms! It's so very nice to see you... can we see more of you? As the training exercise finishes, Chad's old mentor shows up. Out of the blue. In the middle of nowhere. For the sole purpose of chastising him for straying from the path he had set for Chad. Apparently Chad could really have Been Something. Because, y'know, BEING A POWER RANGER and SAVING THE WHOLE WORLD is such a waste, right?
Back at the base, Chad has a sad because his second daddy mentor is disappointed in him. Poor Chad! He tells his woes to Kelsey and it's super cute. But they get interrupted by a big orange cyclops guy who thinks he's the best. He's boring, but he does challenge them to hand to hand combat instead of hand to weapon combat. Except they still don't fight unmorphed. But whatever.
Chad's old Sensei thinks he can beat Cyclopter and challenges him to a fight. And manages to actually kick his ass. Everybody is super impressed. Chad attempts to introduce everybody, but Sensei is having NONE of that. He has no interest in the rangers. Because he has a stick up his rear end. Kelsey, luckily, is having none of his having none of them. She pleads Chad's case, but doesn't get very far.
I really kind of want to just smack this guy on the back of the head. Because he's throwing away something really awesome in Chad! Because he's too stuck in his idea of the way the world should work.
Meanwhile, Cyclopter goes to Chad's old Sensei. He has changed his ways and wants nothing more than to become his student. And the dude FALLS FOR IT. He agrees to teach Cyclopter. This will not end well. Which Chad tries to point out to him. But Cyclopter "gave his word of honour" and is apparently a better student than Chad because he's "more dedicated" or something. REALLY DUDE???? CHAD IS THE FREAKING BLUE RANGER! GET OVER YOURSELF.
Chad throws a bit of a fit back at the base and Kelsey tries to point out that his pride is getting in the way. His Sensei is in trouble and needs Chad's help. He should be out there helping him get away from the monster, not pouting. Though I can't really blame him for pouting. I would too. Anyway, he goes out to find Cyclopter. Who has already learned everything he can learn and has basically shoved Sensei away, as he deems him unnecessary. WHAT THE HELL DID HE EXPECT THOUGH? HE'S A FREAKING MONSTER!
Chad is determined to fix things, though, so he helps his Sensei recover before Carter calls him for help. Chad is ready to run off when Sensei says he can't go, that Cyclopter will know everything Chad has forgotten. Except Chad has not forgotten his training. Because he's Chad! And he's awesome! And dedicated! AND TOTALLY THE AWESOMESAUCE BLUE RANGER, OKAY? I guess this is all Sensei needed because he's all "Yeah, okay, go."
AND THEN WE GET AN UNMORPHED FIGHT! AND CHAD IS AMAZING AND I LOVE HIM. HE IS THE BEST THERE EVER WAS. Eventually there is morphing and monster growing and all the zords and whatever. I just want to watch that unmorphed fight again!
Back at the base, Chad and Mr. Tamashiro make up. He wants a tour of the Aquabase. Chad goes all goopy AW SURROGATE DADDY on him. It's syrupy cute. Resolved really fast and really easily, but whatever. Chad is adorable and I love everything about him.
5 fish. Because I spent the whole episode wanting to smack the old man with a frying pan and telling him that is NOT how one treats a student/surrogate son and goddamn just be proud of him for all the good he's doing in the world.
Episode 359 - The Fifth Crystal
Alpha's Magical Fic Exchange is now open for sign-ups!
Anyway, we are updating again without a super long hiatus? The world must be ending. Or something.
So we open with Vypra Mission Impossible Style hijjinks, including some music that is designed to evoke that particular feeling. It's all very dark, and I feel like somewhere the Leverage team is probably laughing their asses off. Man, I love Leverage. Anyway, Vypra steals some funky looking crystal, which is apparently the fourth one, and she looks very pleased with herself.
One of the monsters gives some exposition about how they need one more crystal and then they can destroy all the things. Cue themesong. (Which is still awesome.)
Back at the Aquabase, apparently the Rangers are going to investigate stolen crystals. Carter is totally confused, because um, they aren't the cops. But some special agent shows up to explain that they are starlight crystals, and only 5 of them exist in the world. They.... look vaguely like dilithium crystals. Dana is all "how are we going to find it?" but Kelsey tells them her grandmother has the last one. Apparently she hasn't spoken to her grandmother in years, because they don't get along. Her grandmother was apparently super awesome as a young woman, but now she apparently only cares about money.
Her grandmother is very stuck up, and assumes that Kelsey is only there to get money. Although to be fair, if you show up at a rich woman's house and are all "hey, I need some help" I... don't really blame you. Kelsey and Carter do a very bad job of explaining why they need the crystal. I love her grandmother a little bit. Her grandmother gives her the "this is super important to me" speech, and agrees to give Kelsey the crystal anyway. Kelsey promises to keep it safe. I sense disaster.
So they are transporting the crystal to... somewhere? With Kelsey handcuffed to the suitcase containing it. Vypra shows up in her car of doom and sends Batlings to over run the van. Kelsey uses the suitcase as a WEAPON, which is one of the most moronic things that Rangers have ever used as weapons, and Vypra then cuts the handcuff off Kelsey, and takes the crystal. Luckily, this is when the Rangers all show up, and Carter manages to get all five crystals. Vypra and the Batlings vanish.
The Rangers hand the crystals off to the special agent, but its really the monster, who runs off with all the crystals. Kelsey's grandmother gives Kelsey the "I couldn't be more disappointed in you" speech. Carter then gives the grandmother the "all the money in the world can't buy you a decent personality" speech, and Kelsey starts crying about how all she ever wanted was for her grandmother to love her, and then she starts blaming herself. The grandmother (who frankly is allowed to be upset with them for losing her crystal) watches from the window.
Somehow Kelsey sees batlings driving around on a truck, and she rollerblades after them, and makes one of the most impossible jumps in the history of power rangers. They then go to an army base and nobody has noticed that Kelsey snuck in. They are not very smart.
Back in demon world, Queen Bansheera gives orders to Olympius and Loki to keep the Rangers from interfering. At Aquabase, Carter is looking for Kelsey. And then the alarm goes off.
Kelsey is still spying on the monsters at the abandoned warehouse/army base and the crystals are powering up the warp core, and then Kelsey gets noticed. There's a fight on rollerblades, which is awesome. I want Jubilee and Kelsey to be BFF now. They would totally get along. All the batlings fire at Kelsey, but she outskates them, but eventually she gets caught and they pull her rollerblades off her feet.
The other Rangers are on their way to rescue Kelsey when they notice Olympius, and there's a fight. And a really nice shot of Carter's ass. And also Chad gets pinned to the ground and starts moaning. This is totally relevant.
So the laser warp core is being moved into position, when ACTION GRANDMA comes to the rescue. Man, now I ship ACTION GRANDMA with Grandma Matchmaker. Or at least I want them to go and talk about their granddaughters the yellow rangers. And how they totally saved them. Because seriously. Old ladies being awesome! ACTION GRANDMA totally drives a forklift into the laser and laughs maniacally, and it is GREAT. Seriously, I think she is my favorite ever. The warp core laser explodes and the crystal is destroyed.
Kelsey asks what her grandmother is doing, and ACTION GRANDMA says she came to get the most precious thing in the world. Kelsey thinks her grandmother means the crystal, but it is OBVIOUSLY Kelsey.
Kelsey then heads over to help the other Rangers fight Olympius while ACTION GRANDMA is all "I'll be fine." She's probably destroying an entire army of Batlings herself. Anyway, the Rangers summon weapons and fight monsters and stuff happens, I guess. The monster gives the "you'll pay for ruining my plan" defeat flag, so Kelsey kicks his ass. They destroyed the monster without it growing.
The Rangers are all discussing what happened, and how Kelsey is sad because her grandmother will never forgive her. But Kelsey shows up on rollerblades to say that she is going on a picnic with someone. And ACTION GRANDMA appears, also on rollerblades. None of the Rangers want to go on the picnic with them, and ACTION GRANDMA calls them chickens. They do fun rollerblading stunts together and skate off.
THIS WAS SO GREAT WHY ISN'T LIGHTSPEED LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME???
Fish: 3. The science makes no sense, but WHATEVER. ACTION GRANDMA.
Fic we want: GRANDMA MATCHMAKER/ACTION GRANDMA. Or at least them hanging out and being awesome together. SERIOUSLY.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Episode 358 - The Omega Project
Previously... hell if I remember. Ryan was shirtless? I remember that much. And I got stuck with a Joel episode? REALLY? Ugh. (Whatever, I did miss this.)
So we start off with Joel and an inappropriately young friend using a telescope. The inappropriately young friend is named Simon, and he can join the list of future rangers. In fact, tiny child wants to work for Lightspeed. Joel tells the inappropriately young friend that working for Lightspeed is serious, but when he grows up, he'll be able to work wherever he wants.
Meanwhile, the villains are plotting to use an asteroid or something. I don't care. But the tiny child notices it right as his mother tells him to go to bed.
If Joel is not related to Simon, I am super assuming that he's sleeping with the kids mom.
Ms. Fairweather is explaining a new power up to the Rangers, and how she's created the Omega Megazord, which is the latest in Zord tech. I think she just wanted an excuse to make them say Omega Mega. Then Joel shows up with flowers, and she is all "late again." He tries to give her flowers, but is interrupted by a call. Simon the inappropriately young friend calls and apparently has hacked into the frequency because its super important, but Joel ignores him. Captain Awesome is all "What is going on?" and he ends up getting the flowers that Joel was going to present to Ms. Fairweather.
Simonagain is all "LOOK, I AM SMART. Have this binder of proof and math and I am WAY SMARTER THAN YOU." The kid is great. "I have the position, the velocity, EVERYTHING." Kid is totally a future Ranger and/or future tech. This time Joel believes him, and he goes to Lightspeed.
Ms. Fairweather ignores Joel, because frankly, Joel has cried wolf approximately 87 times at this point and she's running tests. So the kid simply hacks into the database because he is the most brilliant. By the time everyone else has figured out how to get into the office, Simon has proven his point. Ms. Fairweather is all "damn, this kid is great."
An alarm goes off, and the Rangers have to go form a zord to fight the asteroid. They... stand in the middle of the city and plan to blow it up? That is poor planning. All the debris will still destroy everything!
Olympius is all "well, I'll block the sun so they won't have any power." SCIENCE DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY. Did they learn nothing from earlier? Hell, MMPR stopped the solar power megazords after green with evil!
So the Rangers have to ignore the asteroid and go fight olympius and blah blah blah. Meanwhile, smart inappropriately young friend is doing science. He's all "whoops, thing is bigger than we thought." Ms. Fairweather recalls them to the base so they can initiate the omega project. God, I have been in fandom for so long I am so confused as to why a/b/o is involved, and that's not even my kink.
Inappropriately young friend is all worried as the Rangers dramatically enter their zords or whatever, and everyone in the base is super intensely watching. They take off, and the kid adorably salutes captain awesome.
So they go and fly in space and form a megazord and then try to land on the asteroid? They can't find a place to land, so Chad shoots stuff and then they land. The megazord like crab crawls or whatever, and then the whole episode turns into Armageddon as they start drilling into the asteroid. (I refuse to link to that piece of crap movie.) They insert some explosives. Apparently this giant asteroid will only need two of them. Bullshit. They insert the second explosive, and then the asteroid starts attacking them?
Ms. Fairweather starts yelling at them to pull out, and Carter is all "well, we'll have to detonate everything manually" so they fully form the omega megazord and then they get the omega missile, and then they hit the explosives with the sword, which makes everything explode? The kid yells very dramatically and seriously, who was watching Armageddon when they wrote this script? WHO DO I HAVE TO BLAME. There is a giant explosion, but Carter's voice comes in and they are all alive and everything is destroyed.
The inappropriately young friend gives Joel the credit. Joel congratulates Ms. Fairweather, and she tells him that Simon did it. Joel tells the kid to ask Ms. Fairweather out, and the way he phrases it TOTALLY makes it sound like the kid should ask her out for himself. He lets the kid wear the hat and everything. She then agrees to take Simon to the planetarium. Kid is way better at this than you are, Joel. And he is not an ass.
Fish: 5. Anything that I have to compare to Armageddon is an AUTOMATIC FIVE FISH. On the other hand, the kid is super great, and I look forward to him being a Ranger/tech one day.
Fic we want: SERIOUSLY, THAT KID IS GREAT
Random thought that didn't fit into the recap: Man, all of their plans seem to involve DESTROYING EARTH. Or is the magic asteroid not going to totally destroy the planet? Where exactly are they planning on building their palace anyway, if an ASTEROID WIPES OUT EVERYTHING.
So we start off with Joel and an inappropriately young friend using a telescope. The inappropriately young friend is named Simon, and he can join the list of future rangers. In fact, tiny child wants to work for Lightspeed. Joel tells the inappropriately young friend that working for Lightspeed is serious, but when he grows up, he'll be able to work wherever he wants.
Meanwhile, the villains are plotting to use an asteroid or something. I don't care. But the tiny child notices it right as his mother tells him to go to bed.
If Joel is not related to Simon, I am super assuming that he's sleeping with the kids mom.
Ms. Fairweather is explaining a new power up to the Rangers, and how she's created the Omega Megazord, which is the latest in Zord tech. I think she just wanted an excuse to make them say Omega Mega. Then Joel shows up with flowers, and she is all "late again." He tries to give her flowers, but is interrupted by a call. Simon the inappropriately young friend calls and apparently has hacked into the frequency because its super important, but Joel ignores him. Captain Awesome is all "What is going on?" and he ends up getting the flowers that Joel was going to present to Ms. Fairweather.
Simonagain is all "LOOK, I AM SMART. Have this binder of proof and math and I am WAY SMARTER THAN YOU." The kid is great. "I have the position, the velocity, EVERYTHING." Kid is totally a future Ranger and/or future tech. This time Joel believes him, and he goes to Lightspeed.
Ms. Fairweather ignores Joel, because frankly, Joel has cried wolf approximately 87 times at this point and she's running tests. So the kid simply hacks into the database because he is the most brilliant. By the time everyone else has figured out how to get into the office, Simon has proven his point. Ms. Fairweather is all "damn, this kid is great."
An alarm goes off, and the Rangers have to go form a zord to fight the asteroid. They... stand in the middle of the city and plan to blow it up? That is poor planning. All the debris will still destroy everything!
Olympius is all "well, I'll block the sun so they won't have any power." SCIENCE DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY. Did they learn nothing from earlier? Hell, MMPR stopped the solar power megazords after green with evil!
So the Rangers have to ignore the asteroid and go fight olympius and blah blah blah. Meanwhile, smart inappropriately young friend is doing science. He's all "whoops, thing is bigger than we thought." Ms. Fairweather recalls them to the base so they can initiate the omega project. God, I have been in fandom for so long I am so confused as to why a/b/o is involved, and that's not even my kink.
Inappropriately young friend is all worried as the Rangers dramatically enter their zords or whatever, and everyone in the base is super intensely watching. They take off, and the kid adorably salutes captain awesome.
So they go and fly in space and form a megazord and then try to land on the asteroid? They can't find a place to land, so Chad shoots stuff and then they land. The megazord like crab crawls or whatever, and then the whole episode turns into Armageddon as they start drilling into the asteroid. (I refuse to link to that piece of crap movie.) They insert some explosives. Apparently this giant asteroid will only need two of them. Bullshit. They insert the second explosive, and then the asteroid starts attacking them?
Ms. Fairweather starts yelling at them to pull out, and Carter is all "well, we'll have to detonate everything manually" so they fully form the omega megazord and then they get the omega missile, and then they hit the explosives with the sword, which makes everything explode? The kid yells very dramatically and seriously, who was watching Armageddon when they wrote this script? WHO DO I HAVE TO BLAME. There is a giant explosion, but Carter's voice comes in and they are all alive and everything is destroyed.
The inappropriately young friend gives Joel the credit. Joel congratulates Ms. Fairweather, and she tells him that Simon did it. Joel tells the kid to ask Ms. Fairweather out, and the way he phrases it TOTALLY makes it sound like the kid should ask her out for himself. He lets the kid wear the hat and everything. She then agrees to take Simon to the planetarium. Kid is way better at this than you are, Joel. And he is not an ass.
Fish: 5. Anything that I have to compare to Armageddon is an AUTOMATIC FIVE FISH. On the other hand, the kid is super great, and I look forward to him being a Ranger/tech one day.
Fic we want: SERIOUSLY, THAT KID IS GREAT
Random thought that didn't fit into the recap: Man, all of their plans seem to involve DESTROYING EARTH. Or is the magic asteroid not going to totally destroy the planet? Where exactly are they planning on building their palace anyway, if an ASTEROID WIPES OUT EVERYTHING.
Episode 357 - The Queen's Return
WE'RE BACK! I know it's been, like, half a year. But we're back. For reals this time!
Okay, so part of the problem is that this season is so. Freaking. BORING. I just can't bring myself to care about... any of it. I actually had to go look up the episodes we'd already recapped because I'd forgotten pretty much everything except Ryan being shirtless.
We start off with villains! Who's names I can't remember! And don't even care enough about to go look up! So we'll just call them Symbol Guy, Horned Guy, Whingy Demon Bratling (who I almost called Fabulously Shiny Red Guy, because he is super fabulous), and Weasly Less Awesome The Count. Plus Lady Who Can't Act. They are planning plans. Or something.
So then we get to our intrepid heroes. Carter is driving. Joel is being a jackass in the back of the jeep and singing horribly to some old cd player (that probably wasn't that old when this aired). He is not wearing a seat belt. Carter slams on the brakes and Joel REALLY should have gone flying out of that Jeep and being horribly maimed by the road. If, y'know, physics existed in this universe. Chad and Kelsey are rollerblading and they stop at the same time as Carter. Because there is an Ominous Black Cloud in the sky.
Ryan knows about it and finally deems it the right time to tell them it's an evil ceremony. Something he could have mentioned, oh, I don't know, any other time prior to this point! So off go the Rangers to Stop Things. First they have to save people from a burning building, though, and once again I wonder what happened to the firefighters in Mariner Bay.
This leaves Ryan to go off and stop the summoning. He gets caught by Lady Who Can't Act, though, and thrown down to take part in the summoning. As a sacrifice, I suppose. Which is a bit dark for a kids show! Or maybe just to be tied up and look attractive. Symbol Guy pulls some Space Doesn't Work Like That and Lady Who Can't Act sounds less than excited that now her Queen can have a corporeal body again.
Luckily the Rangers finish with the building-on-fire and show up just in time to interrupt the ceremony! They free Ryan and fight the bad guys and I guess Ryan can morph now? Because he finally did and knocks out some underlings. I forgot how cute they are in this series! Why don't we get to see the little bat guys more often?
Oh well. Carter takes out Symbol Guy, or so they think. Instead he just get bigger. It looks like he has little Christmas lights dangling from his hat and it's also the first time I found him even remotely interesting. But he's big so that means all the zords must come out to play.
There is fire and brimstone and things shooting from the damaged building into space. Physics, show. This is not how it works. The ceremony is sort of complete and the Queen sort of shows up, but she's mostly just a big head floating in the sky, and everybody is really happy. She is clearly What's His Face's (Lokar) girlfriend. I wonder if he knows he has a whiny demon bratling? In celebration of her triumphant return, she plans to destroy the city herself. She sends a tsunami, but Ryan thrusts a sword into things and jams up the Evil Flow. She vanishes. The planets come out of alignment (SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT MKAY). Ryan appears to be No Longer With Us.
The rangers and all the zords beat the Symbol Guy. Whingy Demon Bratling is sad he won't see his mother again, except then she's totally there. Or something.
Ryan crawls out of the rubble apparently unharmed. LIKE MAGIC. Back at the base, Ryan decides to leave to figure out how to capture the bad guys again. It has Super Dramatic Music. Really it just reeks of "Making new footage is out of our budget now". TSB says, at least they didn't send him to a Peace Conference. AGREED. Although maybe he really went on some secret project for Torchwood...
The only thing that could make that ending more bearable would be if Ryan had been shirtless. Or Carter had been shirtless. Or Ryan and Carter had been making out. OR THEY HAD BEEN MAKING OUT SHIRTLESS! That's how the episode ended in my head.
Why so boring, season? WHY?
Okay, so part of the problem is that this season is so. Freaking. BORING. I just can't bring myself to care about... any of it. I actually had to go look up the episodes we'd already recapped because I'd forgotten pretty much everything except Ryan being shirtless.
We start off with villains! Who's names I can't remember! And don't even care enough about to go look up! So we'll just call them Symbol Guy, Horned Guy, Whingy Demon Bratling (who I almost called Fabulously Shiny Red Guy, because he is super fabulous), and Weasly Less Awesome The Count. Plus Lady Who Can't Act. They are planning plans. Or something.
So then we get to our intrepid heroes. Carter is driving. Joel is being a jackass in the back of the jeep and singing horribly to some old cd player (that probably wasn't that old when this aired). He is not wearing a seat belt. Carter slams on the brakes and Joel REALLY should have gone flying out of that Jeep and being horribly maimed by the road. If, y'know, physics existed in this universe. Chad and Kelsey are rollerblading and they stop at the same time as Carter. Because there is an Ominous Black Cloud in the sky.
Ryan knows about it and finally deems it the right time to tell them it's an evil ceremony. Something he could have mentioned, oh, I don't know, any other time prior to this point! So off go the Rangers to Stop Things. First they have to save people from a burning building, though, and once again I wonder what happened to the firefighters in Mariner Bay.
This leaves Ryan to go off and stop the summoning. He gets caught by Lady Who Can't Act, though, and thrown down to take part in the summoning. As a sacrifice, I suppose. Which is a bit dark for a kids show! Or maybe just to be tied up and look attractive. Symbol Guy pulls some Space Doesn't Work Like That and Lady Who Can't Act sounds less than excited that now her Queen can have a corporeal body again.
Luckily the Rangers finish with the building-on-fire and show up just in time to interrupt the ceremony! They free Ryan and fight the bad guys and I guess Ryan can morph now? Because he finally did and knocks out some underlings. I forgot how cute they are in this series! Why don't we get to see the little bat guys more often?
Oh well. Carter takes out Symbol Guy, or so they think. Instead he just get bigger. It looks like he has little Christmas lights dangling from his hat and it's also the first time I found him even remotely interesting. But he's big so that means all the zords must come out to play.
There is fire and brimstone and things shooting from the damaged building into space. Physics, show. This is not how it works. The ceremony is sort of complete and the Queen sort of shows up, but she's mostly just a big head floating in the sky, and everybody is really happy. She is clearly What's His Face's (Lokar) girlfriend. I wonder if he knows he has a whiny demon bratling? In celebration of her triumphant return, she plans to destroy the city herself. She sends a tsunami, but Ryan thrusts a sword into things and jams up the Evil Flow. She vanishes. The planets come out of alignment (SPACE DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT MKAY). Ryan appears to be No Longer With Us.
The rangers and all the zords beat the Symbol Guy. Whingy Demon Bratling is sad he won't see his mother again, except then she's totally there. Or something.
Ryan crawls out of the rubble apparently unharmed. LIKE MAGIC. Back at the base, Ryan decides to leave to figure out how to capture the bad guys again. It has Super Dramatic Music. Really it just reeks of "Making new footage is out of our budget now". TSB says, at least they didn't send him to a Peace Conference. AGREED. Although maybe he really went on some secret project for Torchwood...
The only thing that could make that ending more bearable would be if Ryan had been shirtless. Or Carter had been shirtless. Or Ryan and Carter had been making out. OR THEY HAD BEEN MAKING OUT SHIRTLESS! That's how the episode ended in my head.
Why so boring, season? WHY?
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Episode 356 - A Face From the Past
Previously. Ryan is no longer shirtless every episode. Woe.
Kelsey is rollerblading through the Aquabase, because she is a) apparently not very good at it, and b) a failbot. I mean, I like her. But that is super irresponsible.
Captain Awesome then tells them that he has an important assignment - they need a day off! Which, hey! Is good. Because all work and no play makes them a very dull team. Or something.
Everyone decides to go to the beach, and Joel is busy being an asshat in a wifebeater, Chad and Kelsey go surfing, and Dana decides to bury her brother. Dana, unbury him so we can ogle. Carter, on the other hand, is going to go train. Captain Awesome is all "I told you to take a day off" but Carter is all "from training? Never." So Captain Awesome offers to be his sparring partner.
Captain Awesome is all "don't go easy on me just because I'm an old man" and he ends up flipping Carter. Then they go jogging. Carter offers to slow down for him, but Captain Awesome is all "you're too slow."
The villains then decide to knock out the power to Mariner Bay, which should also shut down the Aquabase. Because they don't have backup generators or something.
Captain Mitchell is all "when I was your age" to Carter, and he tries to convince Carter to take a day off. SERIOUSLY BEST DADDY, EVEN TO KIDS WHO AREN'T HIS.
Carter tells Captain Awesome about the fireman who saved his life as a kid. Carter wants to be as good as him, even though he doesn't know who the mysterious firefighter is. He has such issues. But it is an adorable bonding moment that is sadly interrupted by monsters.
Carter and Captain Awesome show up at the burning power plant, (which was being visited by a field trip of tiny children) and Carter morphs, and Captain Awesome dons firefighter gear and they both go in to help. Because apparently there are just spare uniforms lying around. and the firefighters aren't going to notice or care.
Captain Awesome and Carter make a good team. The rest of the Rangers all show up to help, and Ms. Fairweather calls in to say another power plant is under attack. Captain awesome sends all the Rangers to help that one, saying that he'll handle things here. The tiny children just huddle in the burning building, when Captain Awesome, who is apparently the only firefighter, shows up. Unfortunately, one of the tiny children forgot her bear, so she goes back for the bear.
Meanwhile, the Rangers fight the monster and beat it. (Seriously, super dull.) Then they go back to the fire, and discover Captain Awesome has gone back for the girl and her bear. Carter runs in after them, and Carter realizes that Captain Awesome is the one who saved him years ago. And as he has his realization he just STANDS THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRE, before Captain Awesome yells at him to run, and Carter gets the girl out.
A fireball comes out of the building, and Dana flips out, assuming her dad is dead, but he has managed to escape unharmed. Then there are hugs. Unfortunately we have to cut away from the heartwarming moment because zords and monsters growing. Luckily, the fight is over quickly, and the villains go talk more about the planets aligning or whatever. Vypra's acting is pretty bad, as usual.
Back on the Aquabase, Carter walks in on Ms. Fairweather patching up Captain Mitchell, and he sees a burn pattern on the Captain's back. The Captain confirms that he was the one who saved Carter all those years ago. And then he's been stalking him ever since. It's both creepy and sweet.
Carter is all "I'm going to train even harder to make you proud!" The Captain again tells him to go take a day off.
And now I ship them. I AM GOING TO HELL.
Anyway, back at the beach, Carter shows up with his shirt unbuttoned. Everyone is like "Carter can have fun? What?" So he decides to spray them with a super soaker while Captain Awesome looks on approvingly.
Fish: 3. It was super cliche, but in a good way.
Kelsey is rollerblading through the Aquabase, because she is a) apparently not very good at it, and b) a failbot. I mean, I like her. But that is super irresponsible.
Captain Awesome then tells them that he has an important assignment - they need a day off! Which, hey! Is good. Because all work and no play makes them a very dull team. Or something.
Everyone decides to go to the beach, and Joel is busy being an asshat in a wifebeater, Chad and Kelsey go surfing, and Dana decides to bury her brother. Dana, unbury him so we can ogle. Carter, on the other hand, is going to go train. Captain Awesome is all "I told you to take a day off" but Carter is all "from training? Never." So Captain Awesome offers to be his sparring partner.
Captain Awesome is all "don't go easy on me just because I'm an old man" and he ends up flipping Carter. Then they go jogging. Carter offers to slow down for him, but Captain Awesome is all "you're too slow."
The villains then decide to knock out the power to Mariner Bay, which should also shut down the Aquabase. Because they don't have backup generators or something.
Captain Mitchell is all "when I was your age" to Carter, and he tries to convince Carter to take a day off. SERIOUSLY BEST DADDY, EVEN TO KIDS WHO AREN'T HIS.
Carter tells Captain Awesome about the fireman who saved his life as a kid. Carter wants to be as good as him, even though he doesn't know who the mysterious firefighter is. He has such issues. But it is an adorable bonding moment that is sadly interrupted by monsters.
Carter and Captain Awesome show up at the burning power plant, (which was being visited by a field trip of tiny children) and Carter morphs, and Captain Awesome dons firefighter gear and they both go in to help. Because apparently there are just spare uniforms lying around. and the firefighters aren't going to notice or care.
Captain Awesome and Carter make a good team. The rest of the Rangers all show up to help, and Ms. Fairweather calls in to say another power plant is under attack. Captain awesome sends all the Rangers to help that one, saying that he'll handle things here. The tiny children just huddle in the burning building, when Captain Awesome, who is apparently the only firefighter, shows up. Unfortunately, one of the tiny children forgot her bear, so she goes back for the bear.
Meanwhile, the Rangers fight the monster and beat it. (Seriously, super dull.) Then they go back to the fire, and discover Captain Awesome has gone back for the girl and her bear. Carter runs in after them, and Carter realizes that Captain Awesome is the one who saved him years ago. And as he has his realization he just STANDS THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRE, before Captain Awesome yells at him to run, and Carter gets the girl out.
A fireball comes out of the building, and Dana flips out, assuming her dad is dead, but he has managed to escape unharmed. Then there are hugs. Unfortunately we have to cut away from the heartwarming moment because zords and monsters growing. Luckily, the fight is over quickly, and the villains go talk more about the planets aligning or whatever. Vypra's acting is pretty bad, as usual.
Back on the Aquabase, Carter walks in on Ms. Fairweather patching up Captain Mitchell, and he sees a burn pattern on the Captain's back. The Captain confirms that he was the one who saved Carter all those years ago. And then he's been stalking him ever since. It's both creepy and sweet.
Carter is all "I'm going to train even harder to make you proud!" The Captain again tells him to go take a day off.
And now I ship them. I AM GOING TO HELL.
Anyway, back at the beach, Carter shows up with his shirt unbuttoned. Everyone is like "Carter can have fun? What?" So he decides to spray them with a super soaker while Captain Awesome looks on approvingly.
Fish: 3. It was super cliche, but in a good way.
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