Episode 274- Zhane's Destiny

Today on Power Rangers, Zhane has a destiny. As if that wasn't expected from a 6th ranger.

Zhane and Andros are looking for some kind of energy source on a desert planet. They think it might be Zordon, but they can't seem to find it. The others join them but it's really hard going with all the sandstorms and then they totally get captured by humanoid lifeforms that nobody knew were there.

The beings live underground to avoid the storms. TJ is sure they're not going to hurt them because they put them in a cell instead of killed them initially. They discover they're in some kind of infirmary where people start turning into creatures, although the people who captured them accuse them of being spies (and turning people into coral). It turns out some of them are working for Maligore Dark Specter. Meanwhile, Astronema still has a Sad because she thinks Zhane stood her up and she likes him.

Despite Military Guy planting stuff on Ashley and insisting they're guilty, Old Political Guy refuses to back down and insists on treating them to the proper course of law. The rangers will get a trial. Good job, Old Political Guy! Military Guy is not happy about this, and immediately reports. Old Political Guy follows him and discovers everything, only to be captured by Military Guy.

Meanwhile, the rangers manage the easiest escape possible. Worst. Prison. EVER. Old Political Guy is turning into coral and they are caught trying to help him, although it looks like they did it intentionally. Luckily Andros and Zhane show up to save the day. Some of the people know them, however, because they escaped from KO-35. These people no long trust Military Guy, but he has a monster and in such a confined space... well... people turn to coral left and right. This episode is really weird.

But! We get lots of unmorphed fighting, of which I highly approve. More please! Alas, instead they all morph and go fight on the surface. SAD. Zhane chases Military Guy around the caves instead. Military Guy is actually Darkonda! Zhane has to fight him on his own... the others are busy with all the toys and a big monster on the surface (and as soon as they defeat him, which takes no time at all, the people turn back into people, so that's cool). Zhane fighting Darkonda? TOTALLY AWESOME! I will take more of that any day of the week. Old Political Guy helps Zhane and Darkonda explodes/runs away. Then there are lots of hugs. I also approve of the hugs.

The Karovians are leaving, the rangers help them carry stuff, and all is well in the world again. Except Astronema still has a sad since she's totally heartsick over Zhane. She's out for blood.

Except Zhane is totally staying with the Karovians. So that's his destiny? He stays to build weapons (and write secret love poetry to Astronema)? That's... kind of lame, actually. Andros is clearly not happy about this. He gets his boyfriend back, and then he leaves again? So not fair. So now Andros has a Sad too. Geez Zhane is good at tearing up the hearts of this family.

3 fish. Easiest prison escape in the history of prison escapes. They basically walked right out.

Episode 259- The Craterite Invasion

This whole recap is one big link to Star Trek. Just fair warning.

It's the Boy Who Cried Wolf episode! I wondered when we'd get one of those.

Patrick is a Tiny Child who tells tall tales. He lives in the only apartment complex in all of Angel Grove. This is making me RAAAGGGGGEEEEE. Because Patrick is black and all the white kids we see live in super nice houses. FAIL SHOW. We also never see nor hear mention of a father. FAIL AGAIN SHOW. And his mother clearly works long hours and he's a latchkey kid. FAIL HARDER SHOW, I DARE YOU.

On the MegaShip, the rangers are training! On the holodeck! I love that they train. Good for them, staying on top form! Unfortunately, there is a space wave that causes some major computer malfunctions. It even screws up the holodeck simudeck. The craterites they were training with are suddenly real and can leave the simudeck. They jump off the ship and parachute down to Earth. With big swirly white parachutes. The craterites are fabulously horribly PINK. And I HATE pink. Especially Pepto Pink, which is what these are. Gives me heartburn just watching.

Patrick sees them and hides under his blanket. In the morning his mother has made his lunch and must rush off to work, so neighbor lady will take him to school. At least we're getting to see a parent? She does seem like a good mom, which is two times as awesome as this show usually is.

Patrick gets himself ready and knocks on the door, but neighbor lady doesn't answer. Patrick looks in the window and sees a craterite family. He runs out and everywhere he goes he sees more craterites. He tries to go tell the police officer, who doesn't believe him, because Copper is a craterite too! Patrick is the only one who can see them for what they are apparently. Of course nobody believes him and Tiny Child has a Sad that could rival Andros.

Meanwhile the Professor and Bulk and Skull are trying to track down all the aliens. They are kind of failing. Cassie and Carlos aren't having much more luck even though THEY ARE SURROUNDED BY THEM. Cassie and Carlos try to find out what's wrong with Patrick and His Sad, so they walk him home. What happened to school? He asks if they'll come in, but they have stuff to do, and Carlos reassures him with the Power Rangers looking out for him. Patrick totally doesn't believe him. I DO NOT BLAME YOU, PATRICK.

Ashley finds a construction worker tied up in a van. She calls TJ and Andros and they figure out all the workers are craterites. They are holograms with personality! It's only then they figure out they've all taken human form. YOU THINK? THEY ARE HOLOGRAMS. THEY CAN TAKE ANY FORM THEY WANT. There is a fight and it is boring and we spend most of it talking about how this episode is just an excuse to link to ALL the Star Trek (did you know TOS, TNG, Voyager, and Enterprise are streaming on Netflix? You do now. Now go watch some).

The rangers figure out Patrick really was telling the truth and rushes to his aid. They get him out of the apartment only to be attacked by more craterites. Luckily his mother drives up in their minivan and ushers him inside to drive him to safety. And then, somehow, Andros and Cassie mysteriously end up in a forest. The others manage to save them with some spiral sword thingy. It's supposed to send the craterites back into their holodeck program, but it doesn't work. It just makes them turn into one really big craterite and they have to call the Astro MegaZord. DO NOT ASK. I DO NOT KNOW EITHER. They manage to take it apart like Santa does to Oogie Boogie. However, while Oogie Boogie is made of bugs, the craterites are made of FISH. Entirely of fish. It's the only explanation.

Back at the Surf Spot, Bulk and Skull use the SPACE ALIEN STRIPPER to turn the aliens back into humans. Except all it does is take off their clothes and leave them in their underwear. Everyone laughs. Oh show. SPACE ALIEN STRIPPER! SERIOUSLY SHOW! We want fic of this now... Zhane hires one. And then Andros hires one because it's tradition okay? AND THERE IS LOTS OF STRIPPING AND IT'S FUN.

3.5 fish. Because science doesn't work that way, Pepto Pink is gross, and... giant craterite what the hell???

Fic we want: Space. Alien. STRIPPER. 'Nough said.

Episode 226- The Wheel of Fate

Divatox finds a treasure map! It leads them to circa 90's model vehicles, Lightning Cruiser and Storm Blaster. Vehicles that are supposed to be thousands of years old and sentient. Divatox wants them. She sends a monster to go collect them but, with his target in sight, gets tired and takes a break. This releases the vehicles and they head straight to Earth. Are we surprised? Not really.

Elgar and the monster try to get in, but the cars won't work for them! Not properly, anyway. Clearly they're looking for the Power Rangers. These are smart cars. They find TJ and Justin first and a chase ensues because TJ and Justin have no clue why the cars are chasing them. They are confused because there are no drivers, but get distracted by Elgar. He manages to kidnap Justin and TJ figures out the car is sentient. Because TJ is smart. It takes a bit of work, but he tames the car until it will drive him to where Justin is.

Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are visible again. Instead of giving them jobs at the Juice Bar, Lt. Stone gets his cousin to give them construction jobs. They get to turn signs to direct traffic. This... is probably not going to go over well.

TJ and the sentient car flies right past them (literally flies!) and they are so stunned they fall into wet cement. I knew this wouldn't end well.

The others finally notice Justin is missing and TJ says he's looking for him. Cassie is totally impressed with the super awesome car and wants to make out in it. TJ is more worried about Justin and will explain the car thing later. They find Justin in an abandoned warehouse surrounded by Piranhatrons.

Justin manages to rescue HIMSELF, and the car too. TJ just gets the hang of the controls to his own car. Meanwhile, Divatox is mad and makes her own sentient car to give to Elgar and the monster. They go after Justin/Storm Blaster and TJ/Lighting Cruiser. A boring driving fight ensues in which the other rangers help beat the bad guys on foot. Bored now. Moving on?

Bulk and Skull end up stuck in cement. And get fired. The end.

3 fish. It wasn't really fishy, it was just REALLY boring.

Episode 218 - The Millenium Message

After the last group of recaps we did where neither of us wanted to write either of them, this time we get the I argued to get two of them. Look, I have theories about the Millenium Message.

Which means that this recap will be heavy on theories, and also on spoilers for RPM, SPD, the next half of Turbo and the PRiS finale. (Yes, we know, we try not to say too much about later series, but I wanted to talk about this stuff.)

So, we start off at the Juice Bar where Tanya and Tommy are working out, and Adam comes in wearing a magician's costume complete with cape and top hat, grumbling about this week's stunt show. I approve so hard. Then suddenly there's an earthquake. This being Angel Grove, it turns out the earthquake is actually being caused by an approaching ship. The Rangers assume that it's because the ship is there to talk to them, and... this being Angel Grove, sure. But how do they know the guy just isn't lost???? Anyway, his ship explodes, and he's found by Divatox.

Turns out this guy is the Blue Senturian, some sort of Intergalactic Robot Police Officer. Divatox manages to convince him that she's Dimitria (and we know that in universe they're twins, but REALLY?) and he plays a message, showing how the United Alliance of Evil is about to conquer Earth in the year 2000 and only one force stands in their way. We don't see who it is, but TIME FOR THEORIES.

SPOILERS

1-The team of Rangers they're actually seeing is the Turbo 2 team. That's what suddenly makes the Rangers all leave once TJ and Cassie get there - and why Divatox seems to seriously want to destroy them.
2-Obviously, PRiS happened in 1998 while the Millenium Message says the future he's from has the final battle in 2000. Well, this is because when it came down to it, none of the 5 current Rangers would have been able to kill Zordon, so the battle stretched on, which is why Earth is going to be overrun. By handing over their powers, they saved the universe.
3-The Blue Senturian works for SPD.
4-The future Blue Senturian came from? Also eventually becomes RPM. I mean, that would explain why there's no other Ranger teams around - everyone was lost fighting against the United Alliance of Evil.

So, to sum up. Had the Turbo 1 team NOT handed over their powers, the events of the Turbo finale STILL would have happened, Tommy would have been unable to kill Zordon, and then the world would have basically been conquered. Of course, since the Rangers are always victorious even if it takes a while, the Turbo 2 team would have eventually persevered. But the destruction of basically the world is what makes Alphabet Soup realize that they need their own Ranger teams, and why Dr K had a piece of the venjix robot from the Machine Empire that she accidentally turned into the venjix VIRUS.

Back to the recap. Blue Senturian gets reprogrammed after showing the message, and there's a detonator in him. He goes and fights Tommy, but then runs away after the other Rangers show up. Adam knows what the Blue Senturians are because Zordon told him, but he also suggests that GEE, MAYBE HE WAS REPROGRAMMED. Not like Divatox hasn't done THAT before.

Divatox also sends down a monter, and the fight is really stupid, and Kat manages to twist her ankle again and scream for Tommy. *SIGH*

Then the Rangers reprogram the Senturian (getting a glimpse of the message in the process), but don't remove the detonator and it runs off to go try and arrest Divatox, and there's an explosion and the Rangers think that it's been destroyed. Divatox shows up to taunt them, because she's awesome like that.

Except then the Blue Senturian shows back up with a Zord and it destroys the monster, and Alpha teleports down to try and cut the wire belonging to the detonator. He cuts the wrong one. Then Justin cuts the wrong one. Then they figure out they have to cut the purple one.

Back at the Power Chamber, they can see more of the message, but the important part has been damaged in the fight. Personally, I choose to believe that Alpha or Justin just cut the wrong wire.

Fish: 5! Although it's pretty good for thinking ridiculous thoughts

Covered in: Lt. Stone gets covered in bananas during the earthquake

Episode 187- Revelations of Gold

Did you know there is a shiny community for the shiny new series? Well there is! Go join in the squee at . It's fun!

We'll start with the only good thing about this episode. The subplot! So Rito and Goldar go for a walk. They hide behind bushes and observe families in the park. Rito loves families! Goldar kind of does too. Rito wants to find his family! They enlist Bulk and Skull to be detectives and find their families for them. IT'S SO FREAKING CUTE. Even cuter? THEY ACTUALLY TRY. Unfortunately, they have no luck. Rita and Zedd have been looking for Rito and Goldar, however, and sent them a message in the mail. They're starting to remember!

And now the bad. So the Gold Ranger's pyramid crashes on Aquitar. He's been chased by a family of bounty hunters and, assuming the crash into the ocean killed him, they give up the fight and leave. But luckily he crashed on Aquitar because the Aquitian rangers are totally awesome. Cestro finds him and brings him inside and they immediately contact the rangers on Earth. They have to transfer Trey to Earth because the atmosphere on Aquitar is toxic to him. Or something. Anyway, mid-transfer Mondo sets up some shield around the Power Chamber. Billy is trying to destroy it but Trey is already on his way and Tommy somehow manages to come up with the idea of simply diverting Trey to somewhere else. Uh... duh?

Except he lands in the water and there is a dramatic scene of everybody diving around trying to find him. I do approve of wet Adam and Rocky, though lament not seeing much wet Kat or Tanya. Tommy disappears under water for far longer than a human can hold his breath, and surfaces with Trey. Of course.

Trey splits into three and introduces himself as the Triforce- Wisdom, Courage, and Heart. He has to transfer the powers to somebody and they know immediately it should be Billy! Because occasionally they are good friends. Except they get attacked and have to hide and demand Billy teleport Trey even though he's still trying to get the science-faily shield down. But, being Billy, he manages to do all that. Because he's awesome.

Meanwhile I'm left to wonder why Trey-not-morphed is very formal and speaks with flowery prose while Trey-as-Ryan-Steele-VR-Trooper-Gold-Ranger is full of fun slang and colloquialisms. Things that make you go hrm.

So Trey tries to transfer the powers but HE CAN'T. IT DOES NOT WORK. And this is where I scream and want to break things. Oh Billy. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU.

Mondo just gives up on the rangers since Trey is now gone and they go the Power Chamber to see how the transfer is going. Billy explains something about negative protons (WORST SCIENCE FAIL TO DATE, SHOW) and THEY BUY IT. Now we all have a sad. Tommy knows somebody who can take the powers though, and Zordon sends him to collect him post haste.

WHY WAS IT NOT BILLY????

5 fish. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BILLY.

Episode 186- Do I Know You?

In this episode of Power Rangers, Rocky is still sure Billy is the Gold Ranger. Skull is still clearly a Time Lord. There is LOTS of screaming for Tommy. The fish is strong with this one!

The side plot... the detectives need a client. Any client. A woman comes in looking for her missing dog (more on that in a bit). She wants to hire them to find her dog. Skull consoles her by immediately thrusting a teapot in front of her and offering her a nice cuppa. HE IS SO A TIME LORD. Just sayin'. In the end they don't find the dog, but the woman hires them to do odd jobs around her house. So they call Rito and Goldar out of the closet (heee, only part of this bit I actually liked) and have them do it all. I hate slave!Rito and Goldar. *sigh*

So. The ranger plot. Tommy and Adam are mountain biking through Angel Grove. Adam is ready to stop. Tommy wants 10 more miles. Meanwhile, the woman is walking her little froofy dog. The Gold Ranger in his pyramid comes down to Earth, knocking Tommy and Adam off their bikes and sending the dog running. Adam screams for Tommy *headdesk* and they can clearly see the pyramid until he engages his cloaking device.

That's it! The Gold Ranger is either Romulan, Klingon, or a sneaky Ferengi thief follower of the Rules of Acquisition!

Anyway, everybody ends up looking for the pyramid, Mondo included. The rangers even have charts to figure out who the Gold Ranger is. They could just try calling up OTHER ranger teams and asking them, like, oh, I dunno... Aquitar? But no, that would be logical and provide continuity for this show, and we know Power Rangers can have NONE of that. So they just kind of blindly stumble around trying to find the Gold Ranger.

Except there just happens to be a bounty hunter looking for the Gold Ranger, too. The rangers end up in a fight with cogs and Kat screams for Tommy this time. Twice in one episode? Really show? *facepalm* Trey goes to help them out but refuses to reveal his identity. Apparently if he does so he loses his powers? I... don't get it. I told you the fish is strong with this one!

So the bounty hunter makes a deal with Mondo and then attacks Trey and hurts him, but the rangers blow him up with their Zeo Canon. They teleport Trey to the Power Chamber where he calls Zordon and Alpha by name and then vanishes. Mondo makes the bounty hunter grow, the rangers call their zords, and it's a boring fight that they eventually win. As if we didn't know that would happen.

The rangers go back to the Power Chamber, only to find Trey (well, they don't know he's Trey yet) gone. Billy comes walking in and they're all "Uh huh, and where were you Mr. I'd-tell-you-if-I-was-a-ranger, hrmmmmmm?" Billy doesn't really answer them yet again and Zordon mentions the Gold Ranger knew his name and Alpha's as well. They're all amazed and Zordon says the only way he could know is if they already knew him.

Uh... really? Aren't you really old, Zordon, and kind of, y'know, SUPER FAMOUS THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY? And isn't it pretty well known you have a little robot buddy in the robot model Alpha? Or does that not matter because clearly they're setting us up for the BIGGEST LETDOWN OF THE SHOW?

4.5 fish. This episode made no sense whatsoever.